WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.960 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:00:00.960 --> 00:00:04.400 align:middle line:84% And so here's some really, really new stuff. 00:00:04.400 --> 00:00:06.260 align:middle line:90% Let's see. 00:00:06.260 --> 00:00:13.640 align:middle line:90% 00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:19.280 align:middle line:84% So Tyler and I have spent time in Miami 00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:24.020 align:middle line:84% together for work for conference. 00:00:24.020 --> 00:00:26.520 align:middle line:90% So here we go. 00:00:26.520 --> 00:00:32.400 align:middle line:84% So my new manuscript, the newer one, the one I'm working on, 00:00:32.400 --> 00:00:35.320 align:middle line:84% number 6, I guess, this one talks 00:00:35.320 --> 00:00:38.000 align:middle line:84% about my fear of swimming and water. 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:39.880 align:middle line:90% So among other things. 00:00:39.880 --> 00:00:43.160 align:middle line:84% So let me just make sure I have all my pages. 00:00:43.160 --> 00:00:46.480 align:middle line:84% It's called Revisiting The Blue, and it 00:00:46.480 --> 00:00:52.760 align:middle line:84% is in sections, four sections, five sections. 00:00:52.760 --> 00:00:54.520 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:00:54.520 --> 00:00:56.920 align:middle line:90% Revisiting The Blue. 00:00:56.920 --> 00:00:57.760 align:middle line:90% One. 00:00:57.760 --> 00:01:00.500 align:middle line:90% Beverly, Massachusetts. 00:01:00.500 --> 00:01:04.860 align:middle line:84% Gray light filters through the broken overcast. 00:01:04.860 --> 00:01:06.980 align:middle line:90% Gulls are my barometer. 00:01:06.980 --> 00:01:12.660 align:middle line:84% Not even the roil of waves knocks them from their stance. 00:01:12.660 --> 00:01:16.560 align:middle line:84% Who could not be moved by this gathering of language, 00:01:16.560 --> 00:01:20.180 align:middle line:90% this dialogue with uncertainty? 00:01:20.180 --> 00:01:26.020 align:middle line:84% A nor'easter threatens cold salt. Air cracks my lips. 00:01:26.020 --> 00:01:29.420 align:middle line:90% I wade into February swells. 00:01:29.420 --> 00:01:34.100 align:middle line:84% And even as I walk along the shore, feet sinking into sand 00:01:34.100 --> 00:01:38.500 align:middle line:90% and kelp, I know I am drowning. 00:01:38.500 --> 00:01:41.540 align:middle line:84% The body in winter water is no longer 00:01:41.540 --> 00:01:44.660 align:middle line:90% the body in this gray brine. 00:01:44.660 --> 00:01:47.700 align:middle line:90% This loneliness I know. 00:01:47.700 --> 00:01:53.300 align:middle line:84% The blue is not here, but it is coming for me. 00:01:53.300 --> 00:01:54.660 align:middle line:90% Two. 00:01:54.660 --> 00:01:56.460 align:middle line:90% Miami. 00:01:56.460 --> 00:01:58.740 align:middle line:90% I have always lived by the sea. 00:01:58.740 --> 00:02:01.760 align:middle line:84% And today, I have left the half-frozen New England waters 00:02:01.760 --> 00:02:05.720 align:middle line:84% for the roil of Miami's deep green waves, 00:02:05.720 --> 00:02:09.120 align:middle line:90% sea foam thick as cream. 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:13.520 align:middle line:84% On the shore, clumps of brown sargassum float, 00:02:13.520 --> 00:02:17.480 align:middle line:84% then gather themselves into a line of the sand, 00:02:17.480 --> 00:02:20.960 align:middle line:90% deposited by tide and wind. 00:02:20.960 --> 00:02:24.360 align:middle line:84% Couples lie on their backs, like polished forks 00:02:24.360 --> 00:02:28.120 align:middle line:84% and spoons gleaming in the light, their sweat 00:02:28.120 --> 00:02:31.280 align:middle line:90% bright with sun and oil. 00:02:31.280 --> 00:02:36.200 align:middle line:84% The water begins its return to blue. 00:02:36.200 --> 00:02:37.360 align:middle line:90% Three. 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:39.960 align:middle line:90% Norfolk, Virginia. 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:43.120 align:middle line:90% The water revisits its blue. 00:02:43.120 --> 00:02:45.660 align:middle line:84% I remember the beach of my childhood. 00:02:45.660 --> 00:02:49.700 align:middle line:84% My parents in plastic lawn chairs, knee socks. 00:02:49.700 --> 00:02:52.560 align:middle line:90% PB and J on Wonder Bread. 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:54.640 align:middle line:90% Going into the water. 00:02:54.640 --> 00:02:56.950 align:middle line:90% Never learning how to swim. 00:02:56.950 --> 00:02:58.650 align:middle line:90% Never finding peace. 00:02:58.650 --> 00:03:02.230 align:middle line:90% Looking out towards the horizon. 00:03:02.230 --> 00:03:07.790 align:middle line:84% What we carried came before us, water as passage, 00:03:07.790 --> 00:03:13.710 align:middle line:84% as loss, as something that does not return what it takes. 00:03:13.710 --> 00:03:19.710 align:middle line:84% Even now, the body remembers what it was never taught. 00:03:19.710 --> 00:03:24.710 align:middle line:84% The blue is inherited, not entered. 00:03:24.710 --> 00:03:26.070 align:middle line:90% Four. 00:03:26.070 --> 00:03:28.830 align:middle line:90% Narragansett, Rhode Island. 00:03:28.830 --> 00:03:31.610 align:middle line:84% Last summer, with my adult children. 00:03:31.610 --> 00:03:34.710 align:middle line:84% Their bodies made for water watched 00:03:34.710 --> 00:03:39.150 align:middle line:84% me being pulled under by the rip with such force 00:03:39.150 --> 00:03:44.070 align:middle line:84% in it, such sudden claim, their voices concerned. 00:03:44.070 --> 00:03:46.830 align:middle line:90% Are you OK? 00:03:46.830 --> 00:03:49.790 align:middle line:90% Knowing I am not a swimmer. 00:03:49.790 --> 00:03:52.470 align:middle line:84% The water is always revisiting the blue, 00:03:52.470 --> 00:03:54.390 align:middle line:90% even when I cannot hold it. 00:03:54.390 --> 00:03:57.130 align:middle line:90% Five. 00:03:57.130 --> 00:03:59.290 align:middle line:90% Miami. 00:03:59.290 --> 00:04:04.450 align:middle line:84% Rock pigeons chase each other between the beach chairs. 00:04:04.450 --> 00:04:10.690 align:middle line:84% Navy and white umbrellas speckle the sand for tourists, here 00:04:10.690 --> 00:04:13.450 align:middle line:90% for a day in the sun. 00:04:13.450 --> 00:04:17.490 align:middle line:84% A woman in a yellow bikini lies on her stomach. 00:04:17.490 --> 00:04:24.130 align:middle line:84% A lip-print tattoo, a big red smooch on her left cheek. 00:04:24.130 --> 00:04:29.250 align:middle line:84% Beside her, a man in a black t-shirt, black jeans, sneakers 00:04:29.250 --> 00:04:33.690 align:middle line:84% hidden under an umbrella covered from the sun. 00:04:33.690 --> 00:04:36.450 align:middle line:90% Heat sizzles my bare legs. 00:04:36.450 --> 00:04:41.330 align:middle line:84% I open a book knowing we are all golden here. 00:04:41.330 --> 00:04:43.730 align:middle line:90% Nowhere to hide. 00:04:43.730 --> 00:04:47.250 align:middle line:84% A light breeze moves across the beach, 00:04:47.250 --> 00:04:50.750 align:middle line:84% and still the water returns to blue. 00:04:50.750 --> 00:04:53.490 align:middle line:90% 00:04:53.490 --> 00:04:54.570 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:04:54.570 --> 00:04:56.400 align:middle line:90% Thank you.