WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.540 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 00:00:00.540 --> 00:00:03.560 align:middle line:84% But the next part of the book takes us 00:00:03.560 --> 00:00:08.100 align:middle line:84% to New York, where your adolescence occurred. 00:00:08.100 --> 00:00:10.600 align:middle line:84% And there's a wonderful poem in there 00:00:10.600 --> 00:00:13.180 align:middle line:84% about your father and the library, 00:00:13.180 --> 00:00:15.840 align:middle line:84% which I hope you'll share with us now. 00:00:15.840 --> 00:00:16.560 align:middle line:90% Sure. 00:00:16.560 --> 00:00:20.260 align:middle line:84% This was coming into English, leaving everything behind, 00:00:20.260 --> 00:00:23.880 align:middle line:84% leaving overnight, political refugees, 00:00:23.880 --> 00:00:27.580 align:middle line:84% and suddenly being thrust into this new world 00:00:27.580 --> 00:00:29.960 align:middle line:90% and my father starting over. 00:00:29.960 --> 00:00:36.360 align:middle line:84% And so this and this opens with a poem called, 00:00:36.360 --> 00:00:39.760 align:middle line:84% "Waiting for My Father to Pick Me Up at the Library." 00:00:39.760 --> 00:00:41.820 align:middle line:90% You know how immigrants do that. 00:00:41.820 --> 00:00:46.640 align:middle line:84% They go in there, absorb this culture. 00:00:46.640 --> 00:00:50.480 align:middle line:90% This is an opportunity. 00:00:50.480 --> 00:00:52.540 align:middle line:84% We were coming from a dictatorship. 00:00:52.540 --> 00:00:55.160 align:middle line:84% Of course, the first thing that dictators do 00:00:55.160 --> 00:00:57.020 align:middle line:90% is they don't want libraries. 00:00:57.020 --> 00:01:00.240 align:middle line:84% They don't want people reading and getting ideas. 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:04.440 align:middle line:84% So I'd never been in a cathedral for books. 00:01:04.440 --> 00:01:08.040 align:middle line:84% And today, I was in a cathedral for poetry across the way. 00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:11.600 align:middle line:90% So they exist: meccas. 00:01:11.600 --> 00:01:15.200 align:middle line:84% So this is "Waiting for My Father to Pick Me Up 00:01:15.200 --> 00:01:19.560 align:middle line:84% at the Library" in New York City, 1960. 00:01:19.560 --> 00:01:23.680 align:middle line:84% "In the book, I started to read when I came into English, 00:01:23.680 --> 00:01:28.560 align:middle line:84% a girl drank from a little bottle labeled "drink me" 00:01:28.560 --> 00:01:32.640 align:middle line:84% and shrank so small she could fit through a tiny door 00:01:32.640 --> 00:01:34.680 align:middle line:90% into a beautiful garden. 00:01:34.680 --> 00:01:36.280 align:middle line:90% But she got scared. 00:01:36.280 --> 00:01:41.080 align:middle line:84% And after a good cry, she ate a cake marked "eat me" 00:01:41.080 --> 00:01:45.320 align:middle line:84% and grew too big for the door, not that she wanted to open it 00:01:45.320 --> 00:01:47.240 align:middle line:90% anymore. 00:01:47.240 --> 00:01:48.960 align:middle line:90% It had begun to snow. 00:01:48.960 --> 00:01:54.320 align:middle line:84% I was 10, waiting for my father to pick me up at the library. 00:01:54.320 --> 00:01:56.720 align:middle line:84% I took the book back to the desk. 00:01:56.720 --> 00:01:59.560 align:middle line:90% All done? the librarian asked. 00:01:59.560 --> 00:02:01.560 align:middle line:90% I just checked it out. 00:02:01.560 --> 00:02:04.240 align:middle line:84% The book was an English classic she was 00:02:04.240 --> 00:02:07.040 align:middle line:90% sure a girl like me would like. 00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:12.360 align:middle line:84% Surely she knew, with her snowy face and her magnified eyes, 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:15.000 align:middle line:90% what a girl like me would like. 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:17.200 align:middle line:90% I told her I'd already read it. 00:02:17.200 --> 00:02:20.680 align:middle line:84% What I meant was I'd already gone through that door 00:02:20.680 --> 00:02:22.440 align:middle line:90% and couldn't go back. 00:02:22.440 --> 00:02:26.120 align:middle line:84% But I wasn't about to cry and drown in a pool of tears. 00:02:26.120 --> 00:02:29.000 align:middle line:84% I wasn't about to explain, especially 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:34.000 align:middle line:84% not in English, surrounded by shelves upon shelves of books 00:02:34.000 --> 00:02:37.800 align:middle line:84% she had surely read, why a girl like me was afraid 00:02:37.800 --> 00:02:39.960 align:middle line:90% of a storybook. 00:02:39.960 --> 00:02:43.400 align:middle line:84% Soon she would see for herself when he came in the door 00:02:43.400 --> 00:02:46.380 align:middle line:84% that my father had shrunk since arriving, 00:02:46.380 --> 00:02:48.800 align:middle line:90% since we landed in this country. 00:02:48.800 --> 00:02:52.560 align:middle line:84% Nothing drastic at first, but something a kid 00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:55.240 align:middle line:84% used to craning her neck to glimpse 00:02:55.240 --> 00:02:58.300 align:middle line:84% the distant face, the sun blinding her eyes, 00:02:58.300 --> 00:03:00.320 align:middle line:90% would surely notice. 00:03:00.320 --> 00:03:02.800 align:middle line:84% Stepping out of that Pan Am flight, 00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:06.240 align:middle line:84% he must have sensed how the scale was shifting, 00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:09.600 align:middle line:84% the buildings getting taller, and the little girl 00:03:09.600 --> 00:03:14.500 align:middle line:84% looking up, trying to gauge what to make of this oversized world, 00:03:14.500 --> 00:03:18.040 align:middle line:84% from the look on his face seemed to be growing older 00:03:18.040 --> 00:03:20.040 align:middle line:90% as they disembarked. 00:03:20.040 --> 00:03:25.160 align:middle line:84% He could see himself reflected in her eyes, a diminutive self 00:03:25.160 --> 00:03:29.680 align:middle line:84% that would fit inside the box he'd have to check on the forms 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:31.720 align:middle line:90% to be let in. 00:03:31.720 --> 00:03:35.520 align:middle line:84% How could I have outgrown him, like a toy I didn't yet 00:03:35.520 --> 00:03:37.760 align:middle line:90% have the heart to throw away? 00:03:37.760 --> 00:03:41.680 align:middle line:84% In his Panama hat, his salmon three-piece suit, 00:03:41.680 --> 00:03:46.200 align:middle line:84% with his thick mustache, his swarthy olive skin, 00:03:46.200 --> 00:03:50.160 align:middle line:84% he looked like one of those national costume dolls 00:03:50.160 --> 00:03:53.720 align:middle line:84% our island tías kept in a cabinet. 00:03:53.720 --> 00:03:57.800 align:middle line:84% What I needed now was a dad, mowing the lawn, 00:03:57.800 --> 00:04:01.800 align:middle line:84% casually dressed, a pullover tied at the neck, 00:04:01.800 --> 00:04:07.880 align:middle line:84% a set of golf clubs in a monogrammed carry bag, 00:04:07.880 --> 00:04:10.840 align:middle line:84% instead of his grim little doctor's bag, 00:04:10.840 --> 00:04:15.960 align:middle line:84% which belonged to a 19th century paterfamilias. 00:04:15.960 --> 00:04:19.200 align:middle line:84% This was the trade-off for coming to America. 00:04:19.200 --> 00:04:23.080 align:middle line:84% You became as small as the country you came from, 00:04:23.080 --> 00:04:27.760 align:middle line:84% a speck on the ocean I could cover with my thumb. 00:04:27.760 --> 00:04:31.000 align:middle line:84% But think of the opportunities for his children. 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:34.800 align:middle line:84% Here, doors would open, with study and application, 00:04:34.800 --> 00:04:38.560 align:middle line:84% which would have been closed to girls like me back home. 00:04:38.560 --> 00:04:41.920 align:middle line:84% It was why he dropped me off at the library 00:04:41.920 --> 00:04:45.840 align:middle line:84% while he went looking for work, why I was determined 00:04:45.840 --> 00:04:48.680 align:middle line:84% to read every book on the shelves, 00:04:48.680 --> 00:04:52.080 align:middle line:84% until looking up at those towering stacks, 00:04:52.080 --> 00:04:56.880 align:middle line:84% I began scaling down my ambition, wanting to fit in, 00:04:56.880 --> 00:04:58.920 align:middle line:84% hoping he wouldn't step in the door 00:04:58.920 --> 00:05:04.280 align:middle line:84% and embarrass me, a girl on the lookout at the public library, 00:05:04.280 --> 00:05:08.280 align:middle line:84% waiting to blot him out with a lifted hand he'd mistake 00:05:08.280 --> 00:05:10.940 align:middle line:84% for a wave of hello as I hurried out, 00:05:10.940 --> 00:05:14.360 align:middle line:84% pretending to spare him the trouble of coming in, 00:05:14.360 --> 00:05:15.800 align:middle line:90% or so I hoped. 00:05:15.800 --> 00:05:21.040 align:middle line:84% Now that he's grown so small, all that remains fits in a box 00:05:21.040 --> 00:05:22.020 align:middle line:90% of ashes." 00:05:22.020 --> 00:05:25.376 align:middle line:90% 00:05:25.376 --> 00:05:26.804 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:05:26.804 --> 00:05:31.090 align:middle line:90% 00:05:31.090 --> 00:05:33.570 align:middle line:90% It's an extraordinary poem. 00:05:33.570 --> 00:05:37.770 align:middle line:84% And as I said in the introduction, when 00:05:37.770 --> 00:05:42.350 align:middle line:84% I think of how young people respond to your work, 00:05:42.350 --> 00:05:45.690 align:middle line:84% that's a prime example of that moment 00:05:45.690 --> 00:05:50.410 align:middle line:84% of a daughter seeing the father and coming 00:05:50.410 --> 00:05:56.090 align:middle line:84% with a sense of teenage shame because the circle of experience 00:05:56.090 --> 00:06:00.530 align:middle line:84% at that age has not grown so wide that we understand what 00:06:00.530 --> 00:06:03.210 align:middle line:90% our parents have gone through. 00:06:03.210 --> 00:06:06.370 align:middle line:84% Could you speak a little bit about how and why 00:06:06.370 --> 00:06:11.570 align:middle line:84% remembering your father in this way, or parents in general, 00:06:11.570 --> 00:06:13.270 align:middle line:84% are so important to the life of this? 00:06:13.270 --> 00:06:17.650 align:middle line:84% When you come from another country, 00:06:17.650 --> 00:06:20.030 align:middle line:84% there weren't that many Dominicans then. 00:06:20.030 --> 00:06:22.770 align:middle line:84% There wasn't a Washington Heights. 00:06:22.770 --> 00:06:27.130 align:middle line:84% There was no such thing in 1960 as multicultural literature, 00:06:27.130 --> 00:06:31.210 align:middle line:84% or there wasn't that sensibility. 00:06:31.210 --> 00:06:35.650 align:middle line:84% And you feel the sense of you want to belong, 00:06:35.650 --> 00:06:40.370 align:middle line:84% and you feel a sense of shame at these people that 00:06:40.370 --> 00:06:43.750 align:middle line:84% make you look different or strange, 00:06:43.750 --> 00:06:48.510 align:middle line:84% or elicit bullying or people making comments. 00:06:48.510 --> 00:06:51.450 align:middle line:84% And so you want them to disappear. 00:06:51.450 --> 00:06:57.230 align:middle line:84% And I realized reading that poem tonight, when my father died, 00:06:57.230 --> 00:06:59.070 align:middle line:90% I wanted to write an elegy. 00:06:59.070 --> 00:07:01.490 align:middle line:84% And I was thinking of how to write-- 00:07:01.490 --> 00:07:03.810 align:middle line:90% I wanted an elegy. 00:07:03.810 --> 00:07:07.430 align:middle line:84% And instead, a few years later, this is the poem. 00:07:07.430 --> 00:07:10.610 align:middle line:84% And I just realized, this is my elegy. 00:07:10.610 --> 00:07:13.010 align:middle line:84% That now, with that perspective-- and it's 00:07:13.010 --> 00:07:15.850 align:middle line:84% all about scales and how things are changing 00:07:15.850 --> 00:07:20.690 align:middle line:84% when you become almost the custodians of your parents, who 00:07:20.690 --> 00:07:25.010 align:middle line:84% don't as easily learn the language and assimilate. 00:07:25.010 --> 00:07:29.370 align:middle line:84% So you become the caretakers, and the scale shifts. 00:07:29.370 --> 00:07:35.130 align:middle line:84% And also, looking at them now, the scale has shifted, 00:07:35.130 --> 00:07:39.490 align:middle line:90% and you see them. 00:07:39.490 --> 00:07:45.690 align:middle line:84% And there's a tenderness and a pang because you were ashamed. 00:07:45.690 --> 00:07:51.210 align:middle line:84% And now it's a precisely the thing that makes you proud 00:07:51.210 --> 00:07:53.690 align:middle line:90% and see what they went through. 00:07:53.690 --> 00:07:57.890 align:middle line:84% So there's a wonderful poem by Robert Hayden called-- 00:07:57.890 --> 00:07:59.490 align:middle line:90% what is it? 00:07:59.490 --> 00:08:00.470 align:middle line:90% "Those Winter Sundays?" 00:08:00.470 --> 00:08:02.850 align:middle line:90% "Those Winter Sundays," yeah. 00:08:02.850 --> 00:08:03.810 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 00:08:03.810 --> 00:08:05.690 align:middle line:90% Check it out. 00:08:05.690 --> 00:08:07.210 align:middle line:84% And he's not an immigrant, but he 00:08:07.210 --> 00:08:15.090 align:middle line:84% realizes what his father did to give him a warm welcome 00:08:15.090 --> 00:08:19.730 align:middle line:90% to each day, even on Sundays. 00:08:19.730 --> 00:08:23.130 align:middle line:84% Even on Sundays, when it was his day off. 00:08:23.130 --> 00:08:27.510 align:middle line:84% As I said, it's a phenomenal poem, very moving. 00:08:27.510 --> 00:08:29.570 align:middle line:84% And the book is only getting started. 00:08:29.570 --> 00:08:32.370 align:middle line:84% There's still quite a ways to go. 00:08:32.370 --> 00:08:35.890 align:middle line:84% I'm so glad that you mentioned the word "elegy," 00:08:35.890 --> 00:08:39.839 align:middle line:84% because it leads into my next request.