WEBVTT

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Tyler warned me that I would
dry out easily up here speaking

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in this desert air.

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So I'm going to drink.

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The next one I want to read is
about the most famous billboard

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in Ohio.

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I know we have a
few native Ohioans.

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Does anybody know the most
famous billboard in Ohio?

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Rose and Tyler know.

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What is it?

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Hell is real.

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So this is I-71 between
Columbus and Cincinnati,

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and there's this billboard
that's been there

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for unspoken decades.

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Bright black background, bright
red letters, hell is real,

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and it's become this cult
classic in Central Ohio.

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I got my PhD at the
University of Cincinnati,

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and they were lean
years in terms of me

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and my newborn
daughter and my wife

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trying to live off
of my PhD stipend.

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And my in-laws
lived in Columbus.

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And so visiting the
in-laws for a weekend

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was like this huge respite:
help with the baby,

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going to restaurants, just
feeling loved and supported.

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And then the weekend
would end, and you'd

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have to drive back down
to PhD land in Cincinnati,

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and you'd be driving,
and then that billboard

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would rear its head.

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And it felt personal.

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So this is Hell Is Real.

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There is no Jesus
Jesus enough for Ohio.

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According to billboards
announcing Ohio as simply hell,

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it's river scum made
of midge shucks.

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It's hills of shale.

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It's all spray painted.

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Underpass, boxcar, lamb.

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The billboards publish
hell across leaked snow.

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If only Ohio held a graceful
detachment from being Ohio.

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If only Ohio's Jesus
would come back.

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If only, heaven notwithstanding,
there was an Ohio Ohio enough.

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