WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.948 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.948 --> 00:00:02.740 align:middle line:84% I'm not going to be reading from Holy Days, 00:00:02.740 --> 00:00:04.080 align:middle line:84% I'm going to be reading from a new novel that 00:00:04.080 --> 00:00:05.600 align:middle line:90% will be coming out next year. 00:00:05.600 --> 00:00:07.280 align:middle line:90% It's called Bruto. 00:00:07.280 --> 00:00:10.800 align:middle line:84% It's about a retired soccer manager from Spain, 00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:15.500 align:middle line:84% recently widowed, recently retired unexpectedly, 00:00:15.500 --> 00:00:17.640 align:middle line:84% recently immigrated to the United States, 00:00:17.640 --> 00:00:21.400 align:middle line:84% and recently remarried to a woman half his age as well. 00:00:21.400 --> 00:00:22.662 align:middle line:90% So this is his story. 00:00:22.662 --> 00:00:24.120 align:middle line:84% Because it's the Poetry Center, I'd 00:00:24.120 --> 00:00:26.560 align:middle line:84% also like to read a poem, which is 00:00:26.560 --> 00:00:29.640 align:middle line:84% the epigraph for this book by Miguel Hernández. 00:00:29.640 --> 00:00:31.880 align:middle line:90% It's a very short poem. 00:00:31.880 --> 00:00:35.700 align:middle line:84% Body over body, land over land, wind over wind. 00:00:35.700 --> 00:00:42.040 align:middle line:90% 00:00:42.040 --> 00:00:44.120 align:middle line:90% Ode to Joy. 00:00:44.120 --> 00:00:45.713 align:middle line:90% No cures, only remedies. 00:00:45.713 --> 00:00:47.880 align:middle line:84% That's what I told Ines last night while I ran water 00:00:47.880 --> 00:00:49.680 align:middle line:90% over the cut on her palm. 00:00:49.680 --> 00:00:51.760 align:middle line:84% I said it again as I applied the ointment. 00:00:51.760 --> 00:00:54.720 align:middle line:84% Same with the bandages, same with the gauze. 00:00:54.720 --> 00:00:57.480 align:middle line:84% We're falling asleep when I heard her whispering to herself, 00:00:57.480 --> 00:01:00.155 align:middle line:84% no cures, she repeated, only remedies. 00:01:00.155 --> 00:01:01.780 align:middle line:84% She woke me up a few hours later to ask 00:01:01.780 --> 00:01:03.460 align:middle line:90% if she was going to be OK. 00:01:03.460 --> 00:01:07.140 align:middle line:84% Your hand will heal itself, I said, all we need to do is wait. 00:01:07.140 --> 00:01:08.157 align:middle line:90% I slept OK. 00:01:08.157 --> 00:01:09.740 align:middle line:84% No dreams except for the song that got 00:01:09.740 --> 00:01:11.620 align:middle line:84% stuck in my head yesterday evening-- 00:01:11.620 --> 00:01:14.380 align:middle line:84% the song that was playing inside the town's only pharmacy. 00:01:14.380 --> 00:01:15.660 align:middle line:90% Ode to Joy. 00:01:15.660 --> 00:01:17.720 align:middle line:84% No, nothing memorable came to me while I slept. 00:01:17.720 --> 00:01:20.560 align:middle line:84% No past lovers, no childhood friends, no work, 00:01:20.560 --> 00:01:23.420 align:middle line:84% no missed flights, no emergency, no plagues, 00:01:23.420 --> 00:01:25.020 align:middle line:90% only the same old melody. 00:01:25.020 --> 00:01:26.700 align:middle line:90% I still can't get rid of it. 00:01:26.700 --> 00:01:29.280 align:middle line:84% Even with the sun coming in, these birds outside screaming, 00:01:29.280 --> 00:01:31.980 align:middle line:84% the mountain wind pushing the tall trees. 00:01:31.980 --> 00:01:34.780 align:middle line:84% Fine, the song will leave on its own. 00:01:34.780 --> 00:01:38.220 align:middle line:84% Early June, but cold as usual, even under all these covers. 00:01:38.220 --> 00:01:40.740 align:middle line:84% A weekday, Tuesday maybe, or Wednesday. 00:01:40.740 --> 00:01:42.700 align:middle line:84% Ines got up at dawn, I know that. 00:01:42.700 --> 00:01:43.980 align:middle line:90% She left a mess-- 00:01:43.980 --> 00:01:46.580 align:middle line:84% dried blood on her two pillows, and more on the heavy blanket 00:01:46.580 --> 00:01:48.140 align:middle line:90% she keeps to herself. 00:01:48.140 --> 00:01:49.540 align:middle line:90% Ines, I say. 00:01:49.540 --> 00:01:50.580 align:middle line:90% Nothing. 00:01:50.580 --> 00:01:52.060 align:middle line:90% Ines, I call. 00:01:52.060 --> 00:01:54.240 align:middle line:90% Not a sound. 00:01:54.240 --> 00:01:56.320 align:middle line:84% The gauze must have unraveled in her sleep. 00:01:56.320 --> 00:01:58.820 align:middle line:84% The three butterfly bandages must have come loose. 00:01:58.820 --> 00:02:01.590 align:middle line:84% It's not her fault. It's not mine, either. 00:02:01.590 --> 00:02:04.610 align:middle line:84% Ines is always rolling around in the night, humming and mumbling, 00:02:04.610 --> 00:02:05.990 align:middle line:90% dreaming of god knows what. 00:02:05.990 --> 00:02:09.229 align:middle line:84% Other lives, probably some better, some worse. 00:02:09.229 --> 00:02:10.310 align:middle line:90% Another man, maybe. 00:02:10.310 --> 00:02:11.830 align:middle line:90% A man her age. 00:02:11.830 --> 00:02:13.003 align:middle line:90% Fine. 00:02:13.003 --> 00:02:15.170 align:middle line:84% Her dreams, however great and terrible they must be, 00:02:15.170 --> 00:02:16.390 align:middle line:90% are her business. 00:02:16.390 --> 00:02:18.270 align:middle line:90% Same goes for everyone else. 00:02:18.270 --> 00:02:20.070 align:middle line:90% I let my dreams come and go. 00:02:20.070 --> 00:02:22.150 align:middle line:84% Old promises, death threats, betrayals. 00:02:22.150 --> 00:02:23.990 align:middle line:90% They all like to stop by. 00:02:23.990 --> 00:02:26.448 align:middle line:84% They stick around for a few minutes, and then they're gone. 00:02:26.448 --> 00:02:28.865 align:middle line:84% Every other night, the dirt road that helped me leave home 00:02:28.865 --> 00:02:30.190 align:middle line:90% takes me back that same way. 00:02:30.190 --> 00:02:33.070 align:middle line:90% Every morning, too, like now. 00:02:33.070 --> 00:02:35.430 align:middle line:90% All must come, all must go. 00:02:35.430 --> 00:02:37.830 align:middle line:84% Floods and droughts, they take turns. 00:02:37.830 --> 00:02:40.270 align:middle line:84% A person only has two jobs, pretty much-- 00:02:40.270 --> 00:02:41.830 align:middle line:90% wise up and hang on. 00:02:41.830 --> 00:02:42.950 align:middle line:90% That's it. 00:02:42.950 --> 00:02:45.110 align:middle line:90% I've wised up, I've hung on. 00:02:45.110 --> 00:02:46.750 align:middle line:90% To what exactly? 00:02:46.750 --> 00:02:48.417 align:middle line:90% To dear life, I guess. 00:02:48.417 --> 00:02:50.250 align:middle line:84% These sheets need to be replaced, of course. 00:02:50.250 --> 00:02:51.630 align:middle line:90% The blanket, too. 00:02:51.630 --> 00:02:54.030 align:middle line:84% We'll buy new ones, the same exact ones. 00:02:54.030 --> 00:02:56.030 align:middle line:90% Gray flannel, green stripes. 00:02:56.030 --> 00:02:57.990 align:middle line:84% They'll be on the front porch by noon. 00:02:57.990 --> 00:02:59.610 align:middle line:90% I'll order them when I get up-- 00:02:59.610 --> 00:03:00.890 align:middle line:90% soon, not yet. 00:03:00.890 --> 00:03:02.550 align:middle line:90% 10 more minutes here. 00:03:02.550 --> 00:03:03.730 align:middle line:90% I'm tired. 00:03:03.730 --> 00:03:05.330 align:middle line:90% I'm used to sleeping better. 00:03:05.330 --> 00:03:07.050 align:middle line:90% All my life I've slept well. 00:03:07.050 --> 00:03:08.348 align:middle line:90% If I drift off again, so be it. 00:03:08.348 --> 00:03:10.890 align:middle line:84% Whenever I end up getting out of bed, the first thing I'll do 00:03:10.890 --> 00:03:13.650 align:middle line:84% is place the order, if Ines hasn't already. 00:03:13.650 --> 00:03:15.977 align:middle line:84% I'll buy three sets of each, the same exact colors. 00:03:15.977 --> 00:03:17.810 align:middle line:84% That way, we'll be ready when the time comes 00:03:17.810 --> 00:03:19.650 align:middle line:90% to change the bedding again. 00:03:19.650 --> 00:03:21.817 align:middle line:90% Easy, simple, no problem. 00:03:21.817 --> 00:03:24.150 align:middle line:84% Everything can be replaced-- these sheets, this blanket, 00:03:24.150 --> 00:03:25.410 align:middle line:90% this bed, this house. 00:03:25.410 --> 00:03:28.110 align:middle line:84% Every person can be replaced, too-- people hate hearing that. 00:03:28.110 --> 00:03:31.050 align:middle line:84% They hate knowing it, probably because it's true. 00:03:31.050 --> 00:03:32.350 align:middle line:90% People hate lots of things. 00:03:32.350 --> 00:03:34.130 align:middle line:90% Ines, for example. 00:03:34.130 --> 00:03:36.650 align:middle line:84% I don't like blood, not at all, but she really hates it. 00:03:36.650 --> 00:03:38.890 align:middle line:84% Until last night, I no idea how much. 00:03:38.890 --> 00:03:41.210 align:middle line:84% The way she ran into the kitchen screaming and sobbing, 00:03:41.210 --> 00:03:43.170 align:middle line:90% I was sure she'd lost a finger. 00:03:43.170 --> 00:03:43.988 align:middle line:90% Poor Ines. 00:03:43.988 --> 00:03:45.530 align:middle line:84% Her hands shook as I opened her fists 00:03:45.530 --> 00:03:47.290 align:middle line:84% to clean the cut across her palm. 00:03:47.290 --> 00:03:49.730 align:middle line:90% A long, straight, shallow line. 00:03:49.730 --> 00:03:51.267 align:middle line:90% I've never seen her so scared. 00:03:51.267 --> 00:03:52.850 align:middle line:84% I would have taken her to get stitches 00:03:52.850 --> 00:03:54.650 align:middle line:90% if she hadn't begged me not to. 00:03:54.650 --> 00:03:56.770 align:middle line:84% I can still hear her-- you promise, Carlos? 00:03:56.770 --> 00:03:57.350 align:middle line:90% You promise? 00:03:57.350 --> 00:03:58.450 align:middle line:90% You promise? 00:03:58.450 --> 00:04:01.928 align:middle line:84% Ines is funny-- fear of needles, fear of mold, fear of swimming, 00:04:01.928 --> 00:04:03.470 align:middle line:84% but no problem marrying a man like me 00:04:03.470 --> 00:04:06.070 align:middle line:84% for money-- freshly widowed, and twice her age. 00:04:06.070 --> 00:04:08.610 align:middle line:84% No qualms about volunteering on the crisis hotlines, 00:04:08.610 --> 00:04:10.970 align:middle line:84% saving the lives of suicidal strangers for free. 00:04:10.970 --> 00:04:13.470 align:middle line:84% And no nerves about spending every afternoon with a horse 10 00:04:13.470 --> 00:04:15.510 align:middle line:90% times her size, either. 00:04:15.510 --> 00:04:17.035 align:middle line:90% The horse is why she got hurt. 00:04:17.035 --> 00:04:18.910 align:middle line:84% Ines was cleaning her beloved animal's hooves 00:04:18.910 --> 00:04:20.750 align:middle line:84% when he kicked her left hand away. 00:04:20.750 --> 00:04:22.390 align:middle line:84% The hoof knife made the slice, but it 00:04:22.390 --> 00:04:24.950 align:middle line:90% was his fault. Fucking Polvo. 00:04:24.950 --> 00:04:26.930 align:middle line:84% That gray Cartujano cost me a fortune, 00:04:26.930 --> 00:04:29.070 align:middle line:90% then he tried to kill my wife. 00:04:29.070 --> 00:04:31.530 align:middle line:84% The horse wasn't my idea, I never go near him. 00:04:31.530 --> 00:04:32.410 align:middle line:90% Ines wanted him. 00:04:32.410 --> 00:04:33.250 align:middle line:90% She chose him. 00:04:33.250 --> 00:04:34.625 align:middle line:90% His dumbass name, too. 00:04:34.625 --> 00:04:36.250 align:middle line:84% She chose it over the English version-- 00:04:36.250 --> 00:04:36.990 align:middle line:90% Dust. 00:04:36.990 --> 00:04:38.590 align:middle line:90% I guess Polvo does sound better. 00:04:38.590 --> 00:04:40.670 align:middle line:84% Most horse names are stupid, of course. 00:04:40.670 --> 00:04:44.280 align:middle line:84% Sun Tzu, Spartacus, Magna Carta, Oligarchy. 00:04:44.280 --> 00:04:46.930 align:middle line:84% Polvo is a better name than all of those, obviously. 00:04:46.930 --> 00:04:49.710 align:middle line:84% It's Ines's mediocre Spanish that gets under my skin. 00:04:49.710 --> 00:04:53.550 align:middle line:84% She gets Polvo's name wrong, and mine, even her own. 00:04:53.550 --> 00:04:55.230 align:middle line:84% My English isn't great, I know that, 00:04:55.230 --> 00:04:57.460 align:middle line:84% but I like to think I'm aware of my limitations. 00:04:57.460 --> 00:04:59.960 align:middle line:84% According to Ines, I have a keener sense for the shortcoming 00:04:59.960 --> 00:05:03.200 align:middle line:90% of others, especially hers. 00:05:03.200 --> 00:05:05.080 align:middle line:84% That's what she said to me last week. 00:05:05.080 --> 00:05:06.460 align:middle line:90% I am what I am, I said. 00:05:06.460 --> 00:05:08.000 align:middle line:90% And what's that, she asked. 00:05:08.000 --> 00:05:09.640 align:middle line:90% A brute, I said. 00:05:09.640 --> 00:05:11.200 align:middle line:90% Maybe you're right, she said. 00:05:11.200 --> 00:05:13.960 align:middle line:84% We left the conversation, the argument at that. 00:05:13.960 --> 00:05:15.660 align:middle line:84% Ines hates when I call myself a brute-- 00:05:15.660 --> 00:05:17.680 align:middle line:84% whether I'm trying to be honest or funny. 00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:19.640 align:middle line:84% I usually try my best to be both. 00:05:19.640 --> 00:05:21.600 align:middle line:84% Honesty without humor gets people killed, 00:05:21.600 --> 00:05:24.440 align:middle line:84% humor without honesty gets people nowhere. 00:05:24.440 --> 00:05:26.360 align:middle line:84% Bruto is my real name, pretty much. 00:05:26.360 --> 00:05:28.320 align:middle line:84% The world has called me Bruto for 30 years-- 00:05:28.320 --> 00:05:30.240 align:middle line:90% half of my life, more. 00:05:30.240 --> 00:05:33.560 align:middle line:84% Everyone calls me that, everyone but Ines. 00:05:33.560 --> 00:05:34.780 align:middle line:90% Laura gave me that name. 00:05:34.780 --> 00:05:36.360 align:middle line:84% She was a journalist when I met her. 00:05:36.360 --> 00:05:38.160 align:middle line:90% Soon after, she became my wife. 00:05:38.160 --> 00:05:39.413 align:middle line:90% Bruto, she'd say. 00:05:39.413 --> 00:05:42.080 align:middle line:84% Laura has been dead three years, and I can still hear her voice. 00:05:42.080 --> 00:05:43.515 align:middle line:90% Always will, I'm sure. 00:05:43.515 --> 00:05:45.640 align:middle line:84% Sometimes it comes when I'm awake, other times when 00:05:45.640 --> 00:05:49.200 align:middle line:84% I'm asleep, or now, in this strange space between the two. 00:05:49.200 --> 00:05:50.922 align:middle line:90% Or when I talk to Elisa. 00:05:50.922 --> 00:05:52.880 align:middle line:84% She's just like her mother, for the most part-- 00:05:52.880 --> 00:05:55.680 align:middle line:84% same face, same voice, same quiet ways. 00:05:55.680 --> 00:05:57.480 align:middle line:90% My eyes. 00:05:57.480 --> 00:05:59.700 align:middle line:84% Laura died alone in the best hospital in Madrid 00:05:59.700 --> 00:06:01.700 align:middle line:84% when her lungs failed her completely. 00:06:01.700 --> 00:06:03.240 align:middle line:84% I was only a few kilometers away, 00:06:03.240 --> 00:06:05.940 align:middle line:84% trapped in a two-story penthouse we'd shared for decades. 00:06:05.940 --> 00:06:07.500 align:middle line:84% Ines was across the Atlantic, trapped 00:06:07.500 --> 00:06:09.860 align:middle line:84% in an apartment in Bogota, doing homework 00:06:09.860 --> 00:06:12.340 align:middle line:90% while she waited for a miracle. 00:06:12.340 --> 00:06:14.860 align:middle line:84% I begged the hospital to make an exception and let me visit. 00:06:14.860 --> 00:06:15.888 align:middle line:90% They refused. 00:06:15.888 --> 00:06:18.180 align:middle line:84% I offered them a lot of money, but the law was the law. 00:06:18.180 --> 00:06:19.660 align:middle line:90% The plague was everywhere. 00:06:19.660 --> 00:06:21.770 align:middle line:90% In Spain, we dropped like flies. 00:06:21.770 --> 00:06:23.520 align:middle line:84% Laura's sudden death was one of thousands. 00:06:23.520 --> 00:06:24.660 align:middle line:90% Millions, really. 00:06:24.660 --> 00:06:26.952 align:middle line:84% Every now and then when I'm very tired, or half asleep, 00:06:26.952 --> 00:06:28.540 align:middle line:84% or a little drunk, I lose the plot. 00:06:28.540 --> 00:06:31.700 align:middle line:84% Instead of saying Ines, I say Laura. 00:06:31.700 --> 00:06:34.400 align:middle line:84% Ines doesn't get angry when this happens, just depressed. 00:06:34.400 --> 00:06:35.940 align:middle line:90% Thank god. 00:06:35.940 --> 00:06:37.000 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry, I say. 00:06:37.000 --> 00:06:37.980 align:middle line:90% I mean it. 00:06:37.980 --> 00:06:39.660 align:middle line:90% I understand, Ines says. 00:06:39.660 --> 00:06:41.270 align:middle line:90% This, of course, is a lie. 00:06:41.270 --> 00:06:43.020 align:middle line:84% The truth is, Ines will only understand me 00:06:43.020 --> 00:06:44.340 align:middle line:90% when I'm dead and gone. 00:06:44.340 --> 00:06:46.080 align:middle line:84% She's not in denial about my mortality. 00:06:46.080 --> 00:06:47.100 align:middle line:90% The opposite. 00:06:47.100 --> 00:06:49.500 align:middle line:84% Ines is more locked in on my death than I am. 00:06:49.500 --> 00:06:50.120 align:middle line:90% Locked in. 00:06:50.120 --> 00:06:52.412 align:middle line:90% 00:06:52.412 --> 00:06:54.620 align:middle line:84% She's always reminded me that I could die any day now 00:06:54.620 --> 00:06:57.260 align:middle line:84% if I don't take better care of myself. 00:06:57.260 --> 00:06:59.860 align:middle line:84% She's not wrong, I guess, technically speaking, 00:06:59.860 --> 00:07:01.400 align:middle line:90% but my doctor told me otherwise. 00:07:01.400 --> 00:07:03.680 align:middle line:84% He said, you're doing pretty good. 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:06.300 align:middle line:84% He recommended more exercise, less wine and no cigars, 00:07:06.300 --> 00:07:08.640 align:middle line:84% but said my body was holding up well for 57. 00:07:08.640 --> 00:07:11.200 align:middle line:84% Everything's working, he said, just keep moving. 00:07:11.200 --> 00:07:13.480 align:middle line:84% I've got 20 years left, probably. 00:07:13.480 --> 00:07:16.720 align:middle line:90% 30, if I'm lucky, 50 if I'm not. 00:07:16.720 --> 00:07:19.500 align:middle line:84% Thousands of days to do god knows what-- pass the time, 00:07:19.500 --> 00:07:20.220 align:middle line:90% I guess. 00:07:20.220 --> 00:07:23.060 align:middle line:84% Ski in the winter, watch football, visit the town diner, 00:07:23.060 --> 00:07:24.380 align:middle line:90% attend the occasional fire. 00:07:24.380 --> 00:07:26.415 align:middle line:90% Shoot pool, sleep in, take naps. 00:07:26.415 --> 00:07:28.040 align:middle line:84% Our marriage isn't incredible, but it's 00:07:28.040 --> 00:07:29.920 align:middle line:90% going better than Ines realizes. 00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:32.840 align:middle line:84% I know what she'd hoped for, but I'm not sure what she expected. 00:07:32.840 --> 00:07:35.800 align:middle line:84% We get along, we have sex, I've been faithful. 00:07:35.800 --> 00:07:38.520 align:middle line:84% No children so far-- not yet, anyway. 00:07:38.520 --> 00:07:39.270 align:middle line:90% Ines wants them. 00:07:39.270 --> 00:07:41.020 align:middle line:84% She hasn't brought it up for a few months, 00:07:41.020 --> 00:07:43.353 align:middle line:84% but she's made it clear she wants at least one together. 00:07:43.353 --> 00:07:44.520 align:middle line:90% We'll see what happens. 00:07:44.520 --> 00:07:47.925 align:middle line:84% God knows I don't need another child, I already have Elisa. 00:07:47.925 --> 00:07:49.300 align:middle line:84% Maybe I should have a second one. 00:07:49.300 --> 00:07:51.600 align:middle line:84% I don't have a great excuse not to. 00:07:51.600 --> 00:07:52.740 align:middle line:90% Money isn't a problem. 00:07:52.740 --> 00:07:54.400 align:middle line:90% I'd lose sleep, that's for sure. 00:07:54.400 --> 00:07:56.040 align:middle line:90% But I guess I do have the time. 00:07:56.040 --> 00:07:59.480 align:middle line:84% I could hold the baby, love it, drive it around, take it places. 00:07:59.480 --> 00:08:01.580 align:middle line:84% Make it laugh, teach it what I know. 00:08:01.580 --> 00:08:03.220 align:middle line:84% Clean it, feed it, grow it until it's 00:08:03.220 --> 00:08:06.420 align:middle line:84% strong and smart, or weak and dull, or drunk and crazy, 00:08:06.420 --> 00:08:07.940 align:middle line:90% or mediocre and ungrateful. 00:08:07.940 --> 00:08:10.720 align:middle line:84% Capable of severe highs and lows, good and bad grades, 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:12.660 align:middle line:90% fatal accidents and near misses. 00:08:12.660 --> 00:08:13.820 align:middle line:90% A boy, maybe. 00:08:13.820 --> 00:08:14.900 align:middle line:90% That'd be great. 00:08:14.900 --> 00:08:16.220 align:middle line:90% Or not. 00:08:16.220 --> 00:08:18.340 align:middle line:84% My father was 45 when my mother had me, 00:08:18.340 --> 00:08:20.540 align:middle line:90% and I ended up hating his guts. 00:08:20.540 --> 00:08:23.260 align:middle line:84% He loved me in his own way, but he hated me first. 00:08:23.260 --> 00:08:24.480 align:middle line:90% I don't want that. 00:08:24.480 --> 00:08:25.940 align:middle line:90% There's no need for all that. 00:08:25.940 --> 00:08:29.232 align:middle line:84% A child isn't a solution, it's just another person, that's all. 00:08:29.232 --> 00:08:30.940 align:middle line:84% A stranger that looks like you and sounds 00:08:30.940 --> 00:08:32.340 align:middle line:90% like you and thinks like you. 00:08:32.340 --> 00:08:32.882 align:middle line:90% I don't know. 00:08:32.882 --> 00:08:35.059 align:middle line:84% Maybe it could all go well, maybe everything 00:08:35.059 --> 00:08:36.780 align:middle line:90% will be fucking terrific. 00:08:36.780 --> 00:08:38.179 align:middle line:90% I won't get in their way. 00:08:38.179 --> 00:08:39.380 align:middle line:90% I never do. 00:08:39.380 --> 00:08:42.940 align:middle line:84% All I do, all I've ever done is mind my own business. 00:08:42.940 --> 00:08:44.620 align:middle line:90% The thing is, I'll age quickly. 00:08:44.620 --> 00:08:46.120 align:middle line:84% That would be Ines' biggest problem, 00:08:46.120 --> 00:08:48.860 align:middle line:84% and that would be the kid's biggest problem, too, 00:08:48.860 --> 00:08:51.060 align:middle line:84% if they ever even make it into this world. 00:08:51.060 --> 00:08:51.807 align:middle line:90% Old age is ugly. 00:08:51.807 --> 00:08:54.140 align:middle line:84% Sickness and deafness, and appointments and wheelchairs, 00:08:54.140 --> 00:08:55.460 align:middle line:90% and opinions. 00:08:55.460 --> 00:08:57.950 align:middle line:84% A bunch of pain and bullshit, that's what's coming my way. 00:08:57.950 --> 00:08:59.910 align:middle line:84% All that, and then good night forever. 00:08:59.910 --> 00:09:01.270 align:middle line:90% And then what? 00:09:01.270 --> 00:09:03.170 align:middle line:84% Elisa and Ines split the money, of course. 00:09:03.170 --> 00:09:04.378 align:middle line:90% There's plenty. 00:09:04.378 --> 00:09:06.170 align:middle line:84% Then they'll find ways to be sort of happy, 00:09:06.170 --> 00:09:07.795 align:middle line:84% or give in to misery, or fall somewhere 00:09:07.795 --> 00:09:09.110 align:middle line:90% in the middle, most likely. 00:09:09.110 --> 00:09:12.510 align:middle line:84% Marry, have kids, remarry, buy houses, take trips. 00:09:12.510 --> 00:09:14.450 align:middle line:84% Whatever this family looks like down the line, 00:09:14.450 --> 00:09:16.750 align:middle line:84% odds are I'll disappear from memory eventually. 00:09:16.750 --> 00:09:18.790 align:middle line:84% If I'm lucky, I'll become an anecdote. 00:09:18.790 --> 00:09:21.270 align:middle line:84% Maybe my ancestors will gather here, in this house, 00:09:21.270 --> 00:09:24.042 align:middle line:84% at this table for lunch in the year 2100. 00:09:24.042 --> 00:09:25.750 align:middle line:84% Maybe someone will mention that the house 00:09:25.750 --> 00:09:27.792 align:middle line:84% had belonged to a football manager in the family. 00:09:27.792 --> 00:09:30.790 align:middle line:84% Born and raised in some abandoned village in Spain. 00:09:30.790 --> 00:09:32.550 align:middle line:84% Was he any good, someone will ask. 00:09:32.550 --> 00:09:34.550 align:middle line:84% He was OK, someone else might say. 00:09:34.550 --> 00:09:37.310 align:middle line:84% Good, not the best, controversial. 00:09:37.310 --> 00:09:39.310 align:middle line:84% They'll pull me up on the internet using my name 00:09:39.310 --> 00:09:40.310 align:middle line:90% and epithet. 00:09:40.310 --> 00:09:42.350 align:middle line:90% Carlos Mora, Bruto. 00:09:42.350 --> 00:09:43.642 align:middle line:90% Either should get the job done. 00:09:43.642 --> 00:09:45.642 align:middle line:84% Then they'll pass around a few television stills 00:09:45.642 --> 00:09:47.390 align:middle line:84% from the thousands of matches I managed. 00:09:47.390 --> 00:09:51.230 align:middle line:84% My curly black hair a mess, my arms crossed, my face sour. 00:09:51.230 --> 00:09:53.710 align:middle line:84% Accurate portraits of my younger self, to be fair. 00:09:53.710 --> 00:09:57.220 align:middle line:84% A man Laura once described as handsome enough. 00:09:57.220 --> 00:09:58.970 align:middle line:84% Maybe they'll be able to tell what's lying 00:09:58.970 --> 00:10:00.270 align:middle line:90% beneath those photographs. 00:10:00.270 --> 00:10:01.970 align:middle line:90% The sincerity, the desperation. 00:10:01.970 --> 00:10:03.105 align:middle line:90% I'm sure someone will. 00:10:03.105 --> 00:10:05.230 align:middle line:84% It only takes one person to understand you, really, 00:10:05.230 --> 00:10:07.912 align:middle line:84% even if you're already long dead. 00:10:07.912 --> 00:10:09.370 align:middle line:84% I put my pain to good use back then 00:10:09.370 --> 00:10:12.370 align:middle line:84% when I coached, even if football is nothing more than a child's 00:10:12.370 --> 00:10:13.250 align:middle line:90% game. 00:10:13.250 --> 00:10:13.963 align:middle line:90% I always have. 00:10:13.963 --> 00:10:16.130 align:middle line:84% Since I was born, the only difference between myself 00:10:16.130 --> 00:10:17.672 align:middle line:84% and most of the other boys was that I 00:10:17.672 --> 00:10:20.400 align:middle line:84% had some common sense and some conviction to go along with it. 00:10:20.400 --> 00:10:22.650 align:middle line:84% That, and all the bitterness necessary to forge my way 00:10:22.650 --> 00:10:24.250 align:middle line:90% through that horrible industry. 00:10:24.250 --> 00:10:25.890 align:middle line:90% Degenerates, for the most part. 00:10:25.890 --> 00:10:28.210 align:middle line:90% Liars, frauds. 00:10:28.210 --> 00:10:30.130 align:middle line:90% I was born into it in a way-- 00:10:30.130 --> 00:10:30.950 align:middle line:90% not football. 00:10:30.950 --> 00:10:34.170 align:middle line:84% I had no connections there-- no plugs, no backdoors. 00:10:34.170 --> 00:10:37.170 align:middle line:84% What I was born into was my nature, my hot blood. 00:10:37.170 --> 00:10:38.630 align:middle line:84% That's what's carried me forward. 00:10:38.630 --> 00:10:40.250 align:middle line:90% That's what served me best. 00:10:40.250 --> 00:10:42.130 align:middle line:84% Terrible, too, at times, but there's 00:10:42.130 --> 00:10:43.790 align:middle line:84% no question it's given me everything, 00:10:43.790 --> 00:10:45.810 align:middle line:90% even if it's taken plenty. 00:10:45.810 --> 00:10:47.210 align:middle line:90% Nothing is free. 00:10:47.210 --> 00:10:50.810 align:middle line:84% Every day has its cost-- every decision, every word. 00:10:50.810 --> 00:10:53.042 align:middle line:84% Life, like football, is a simple game. 00:10:53.042 --> 00:10:54.750 align:middle line:84% You are what you are, you do what you do, 00:10:54.750 --> 00:10:56.210 align:middle line:90% you get what you get. 00:10:56.210 --> 00:10:58.870 align:middle line:84% No one gets it all, and most people don't get much. 00:10:58.870 --> 00:11:00.250 align:middle line:90% My father, for example. 00:11:00.250 --> 00:11:02.430 align:middle line:84% I didn't choose him, and he didn't give me shit. 00:11:02.430 --> 00:11:04.550 align:middle line:84% Neither did my mother, whoever she is or was. 00:11:04.550 --> 00:11:06.310 align:middle line:90% No brothers, no sisters. 00:11:06.310 --> 00:11:08.470 align:middle line:84% The land I was born in, the land I was raised in 00:11:08.470 --> 00:11:12.110 align:middle line:84% was its own kind of heaven, and its own kind of hell. 00:11:12.110 --> 00:11:13.550 align:middle line:90% A ghost town, really. 00:11:13.550 --> 00:11:14.510 align:middle line:90% Fucking Pioz. 00:11:14.510 --> 00:11:17.270 align:middle line:90% One hundred idiots and me. 00:11:17.270 --> 00:11:19.210 align:middle line:84% Ours was a cold house made of stone, 00:11:19.210 --> 00:11:21.652 align:middle line:84% surrounded by 10 acres of dry hills and grape rows. 00:11:21.652 --> 00:11:23.110 align:middle line:84% The middle of nowhere, pretty much. 00:11:23.110 --> 00:11:24.910 align:middle line:90% The edge of La Mancha. 00:11:24.910 --> 00:11:26.590 align:middle line:84% My father loved to hear himself tell me, 00:11:26.590 --> 00:11:28.390 align:middle line:90% someday all this will be yours. 00:11:28.390 --> 00:11:29.410 align:middle line:90% I didn't want it. 00:11:29.410 --> 00:11:31.910 align:middle line:84% I didn't give a shit about his vineyard or his cheap grapes, 00:11:31.910 --> 00:11:32.630 align:middle line:90% or his bad wine. 00:11:32.630 --> 00:11:34.245 align:middle line:90% Staying put was never an option. 00:11:34.245 --> 00:11:36.870 align:middle line:84% Every now and then, Ines tries to use her degrees in psychology 00:11:36.870 --> 00:11:40.070 align:middle line:84% to, as she puts it, get to the heart of the matter. 00:11:40.070 --> 00:11:42.637 align:middle line:84% What does your inner child want most, she asks. 00:11:42.637 --> 00:11:44.970 align:middle line:84% The truth is, my inner child already got what he wanted. 00:11:44.970 --> 00:11:47.570 align:middle line:84% He got a career in football, a few trophies, a beautiful wife, 00:11:47.570 --> 00:11:48.810 align:middle line:90% a good daughter and money. 00:11:48.810 --> 00:11:51.010 align:middle line:90% He was-- I was big. 00:11:51.010 --> 00:11:53.630 align:middle line:90% 00:11:53.630 --> 00:11:55.490 align:middle line:84% A few drops of blood on the bedroom rug, 00:11:55.490 --> 00:11:57.960 align:middle line:84% a few more in the bathroom tile, and a single dot 00:11:57.960 --> 00:11:59.240 align:middle line:90% on the toilet seat. 00:11:59.240 --> 00:12:00.585 align:middle line:90% Jesus Christ. 00:12:00.585 --> 00:12:01.960 align:middle line:84% I'm following my doctor's orders, 00:12:01.960 --> 00:12:03.400 align:middle line:90% and sitting down to piss. 00:12:03.400 --> 00:12:05.900 align:middle line:84% It's essential for the bladder to empty completely, he said, 00:12:05.900 --> 00:12:07.280 align:middle line:90% especially at your age. 00:12:07.280 --> 00:12:08.220 align:middle line:90% Fine, I told him. 00:12:08.220 --> 00:12:10.080 align:middle line:90% I don't mind sitting. 00:12:10.080 --> 00:12:12.560 align:middle line:84% I whistle "Ode to Joy" as I make my doctor proud, 00:12:12.560 --> 00:12:13.932 align:middle line:90% just as Mozart intended. 00:12:13.932 --> 00:12:15.640 align:middle line:84% Or Beethoven, or whoever it was that went 00:12:15.640 --> 00:12:17.960 align:middle line:84% deaf and kept on composing anyway. 00:12:17.960 --> 00:12:20.120 align:middle line:84% I guess it doesn't really matter who did what. 00:12:20.120 --> 00:12:24.520 align:middle line:84% 300 years later, and the song still lives, here on my toilet. 00:12:24.520 --> 00:12:26.560 align:middle line:84% Was the guy deaf when the song came to him? 00:12:26.560 --> 00:12:27.140 align:middle line:90% How deaf? 00:12:27.140 --> 00:12:27.940 align:middle line:90% Completely? 00:12:27.940 --> 00:12:28.880 align:middle line:90% I don't know. 00:12:28.880 --> 00:12:29.840 align:middle line:90% Who cares. 00:12:29.840 --> 00:12:32.000 align:middle line:84% I think it was Beethoven, the crazy looking one. 00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:35.320 align:middle line:84% I think the song was his fault. Ines, I say. 00:12:35.320 --> 00:12:36.480 align:middle line:90% No answer. 00:12:36.480 --> 00:12:37.600 align:middle line:90% The house is still. 00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:39.240 align:middle line:90% She's probably in her office. 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:40.665 align:middle line:90% Maybe she's with Polvo. 00:12:40.665 --> 00:12:43.040 align:middle line:84% I hear nothing except for the birds, and the ceiling fan, 00:12:43.040 --> 00:12:44.660 align:middle line:84% and the ice forming in the freezer, 00:12:44.660 --> 00:12:48.160 align:middle line:90% and my bullshit tinnitus. 00:12:48.160 --> 00:12:50.600 align:middle line:84% No coffee in the pot, no dishes in the sink. 00:12:50.600 --> 00:12:52.520 align:middle line:90% Only one car in the garage. 00:12:52.520 --> 00:12:54.240 align:middle line:84% Ines must have gone out for something. 00:12:54.240 --> 00:12:55.100 align:middle line:90% Breakfast, maybe. 00:12:55.100 --> 00:12:56.020 align:middle line:90% Coffee. 00:12:56.020 --> 00:12:57.832 align:middle line:84% I could use both, that's for sure. 00:12:57.832 --> 00:12:59.040 align:middle line:90% I'll sit here in the kitchen. 00:12:59.040 --> 00:13:02.180 align:middle line:90% I'll wait patiently, as always. 00:13:02.180 --> 00:13:05.098 align:middle line:90% For Ines, for the day. 00:13:05.098 --> 00:13:07.140 align:middle line:84% Through this big window, I watched the trees rock 00:13:07.140 --> 00:13:08.077 align:middle line:90% back and forth. 00:13:08.077 --> 00:13:10.660 align:middle line:84% When we first moved in, Ines was sitting right here next to me 00:13:10.660 --> 00:13:13.980 align:middle line:84% when she said, isn't it nice to see the wind? 00:13:13.980 --> 00:13:15.240 align:middle line:90% The cut is on her off-hand. 00:13:15.240 --> 00:13:17.980 align:middle line:84% She should be able to live like she usually does, pretty much. 00:13:17.980 --> 00:13:20.700 align:middle line:84% No note on the fridge, no text message either. 00:13:20.700 --> 00:13:21.680 align:middle line:90% Good morning, I type. 00:13:21.680 --> 00:13:22.860 align:middle line:90% How are you? 00:13:22.860 --> 00:13:24.240 align:middle line:84% Ines is usually quick to respond. 00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:25.660 align:middle line:90% She's always on her phone. 00:13:25.660 --> 00:13:27.080 align:middle line:84% Elisa's always on her phone, too, 00:13:27.080 --> 00:13:29.060 align:middle line:84% but she takes her time to get back to me. 00:13:29.060 --> 00:13:30.900 align:middle line:84% She usually responds the next day. 00:13:30.900 --> 00:13:32.740 align:middle line:84% Sometimes it takes her three or four. 00:13:32.740 --> 00:13:35.580 align:middle line:84% Every now and then she forgets, or refuses to answer at all. 00:13:35.580 --> 00:13:37.913 align:middle line:84% Just this past Christmas, she spent hours of the holiday 00:13:37.913 --> 00:13:38.860 align:middle line:90% on her phone. 00:13:38.860 --> 00:13:40.500 align:middle line:84% I remember wanting to point it out to her, the fact 00:13:40.500 --> 00:13:41.680 align:middle line:90% that she'd been ignoring me. 00:13:41.680 --> 00:13:44.220 align:middle line:84% The younger me probably would have said it without thinking. 00:13:44.220 --> 00:13:48.140 align:middle line:84% Instead, I said to myself, someday she'll get it. 00:13:48.140 --> 00:13:49.860 align:middle line:90% She'll regret it, too. 00:13:49.860 --> 00:13:51.660 align:middle line:90% That's how I let it go. 00:13:51.660 --> 00:13:53.020 align:middle line:90% It was an OK Christmas. 00:13:53.020 --> 00:13:56.160 align:middle line:84% We spent here in Sisters, our second since moving to Oregon. 00:13:56.160 --> 00:13:58.140 align:middle line:84% Elisa brought her girlfriend-- partner. 00:13:58.140 --> 00:13:59.185 align:middle line:90% That's the term they use. 00:13:59.185 --> 00:14:01.560 align:middle line:84% When I say girlfriend, Elisa makes a point to correct me. 00:14:01.560 --> 00:14:05.120 align:middle line:84% Ines also loves to jump on my mistake, as usual. 00:14:05.120 --> 00:14:06.920 align:middle line:90% Excuse me, I say, partner. 00:14:06.920 --> 00:14:07.960 align:middle line:90% Her name is Kate. 00:14:07.960 --> 00:14:08.820 align:middle line:90% I like her. 00:14:08.820 --> 00:14:09.420 align:middle line:90% I love her. 00:14:09.420 --> 00:14:10.680 align:middle line:90% I really do. 00:14:10.680 --> 00:14:12.880 align:middle line:84% The lesbian thing doesn't bother me at all. 00:14:12.880 --> 00:14:14.300 align:middle line:90% She and Elisa get along well. 00:14:14.300 --> 00:14:16.000 align:middle line:84% They're both very similar, like best friends that 00:14:16.000 --> 00:14:17.280 align:middle line:90% are in love with each other. 00:14:17.280 --> 00:14:19.400 align:middle line:84% I guess that's the ideal situation. 00:14:19.400 --> 00:14:20.900 align:middle line:84% They're both vegetarians, or vegans. 00:14:20.900 --> 00:14:22.560 align:middle line:90% I don't remember exactly. 00:14:22.560 --> 00:14:24.320 align:middle line:90% Oat milk, tofu. 00:14:24.320 --> 00:14:26.695 align:middle line:84% Sometimes they walk in the woods, looking for mushrooms. 00:14:26.695 --> 00:14:28.320 align:middle line:84% They brought a bag full of chanterelles 00:14:28.320 --> 00:14:30.930 align:middle line:84% for Christmas-- a very special gift, apparently. 00:14:30.930 --> 00:14:33.180 align:middle line:84% We fried them in a pan with some olive oil and garlic, 00:14:33.180 --> 00:14:35.240 align:middle line:84% and the truth is, they were incredible. 00:14:35.240 --> 00:14:37.448 align:middle line:84% Elisa and Kate live together in a three bedroom house 00:14:37.448 --> 00:14:38.680 align:middle line:90% I'm happy to help pay for. 00:14:38.680 --> 00:14:41.320 align:middle line:84% A few months ago, they adopted a fat chihuahua named Pepita-- 00:14:41.320 --> 00:14:44.100 align:middle line:84% a little dog I still haven't met. 00:14:44.100 --> 00:14:45.880 align:middle line:90% I'll meet her soon, I'm sure. 00:14:45.880 --> 00:14:48.862 align:middle line:84% Maybe they'll make the drive for Father's Day next weekend. 00:14:48.862 --> 00:14:50.320 align:middle line:84% They have the time to make it work. 00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:51.920 align:middle line:90% If they want to come, they will. 00:14:51.920 --> 00:14:54.400 align:middle line:84% They aren't exactly busy people-- none of us are. 00:14:54.400 --> 00:14:55.930 align:middle line:84% As graduate students, Elisa and Kate 00:14:55.930 --> 00:14:58.370 align:middle line:84% received some money from the State University in Eugene. 00:14:58.370 --> 00:14:59.665 align:middle line:90% Otherwise, they don't work. 00:14:59.665 --> 00:15:01.290 align:middle line:84% The whole move out to Oregon took shape 00:15:01.290 --> 00:15:03.850 align:middle line:84% when Elisa decided to pursue a graduate degree. 00:15:03.850 --> 00:15:05.450 align:middle line:90% More school, I asked. 00:15:05.450 --> 00:15:06.550 align:middle line:90% Not really, she said. 00:15:06.550 --> 00:15:07.890 align:middle line:90% I'll be teaching them writing. 00:15:07.890 --> 00:15:09.690 align:middle line:90% Writing what, I asked. 00:15:09.690 --> 00:15:11.130 align:middle line:90% Elisa said she wasn't sure. 00:15:11.130 --> 00:15:12.370 align:middle line:90% That was fine by me. 00:15:12.370 --> 00:15:14.230 align:middle line:84% She could write whatever her heart desired. 00:15:14.230 --> 00:15:16.450 align:middle line:84% So long as she's alive and happy, I'll be happy, too. 00:15:16.450 --> 00:15:19.410 align:middle line:84% That's what I told her, right here at this kitchen table. 00:15:19.410 --> 00:15:21.810 align:middle line:84% I also reminded her I'd pay for everything. 00:15:21.810 --> 00:15:23.410 align:middle line:90% Thanks, I think she said. 00:15:23.410 --> 00:15:25.770 align:middle line:84% Something short and cold like that. 00:15:25.770 --> 00:15:27.470 align:middle line:84% Elisa is similar to Ines in that way. 00:15:27.470 --> 00:15:30.410 align:middle line:84% She thinks our relationship isn't as strong as it really is. 00:15:30.410 --> 00:15:31.730 align:middle line:84% She doesn't understand that I'm the only person 00:15:31.730 --> 00:15:33.330 align:middle line:84% on the face of the Earth that really wants what's 00:15:33.330 --> 00:15:34.790 align:middle line:90% best for her, no matter what. 00:15:34.790 --> 00:15:37.290 align:middle line:84% That I'm the only person who knows and understands and loves 00:15:37.290 --> 00:15:39.370 align:middle line:84% her, and expects nothing in return. 00:15:39.370 --> 00:15:40.450 align:middle line:90% Fine. 00:15:40.450 --> 00:15:42.170 align:middle line:84% Maybe she'll realize the truth soon. 00:15:42.170 --> 00:15:45.850 align:middle line:84% I hope she does before it's too late, for her sake. 00:15:45.850 --> 00:15:47.770 align:middle line:84% There's time, though, probably God 00:15:47.770 --> 00:15:50.077 align:middle line:84% knows it moves slowly out here in the mountains. 00:15:50.077 --> 00:15:51.910 align:middle line:84% Ines and I decided to follow Elisa out West, 00:15:51.910 --> 00:15:54.270 align:middle line:84% but we didn't want to be too close, either. 00:15:54.270 --> 00:15:56.590 align:middle line:84% The town of Sisters was Ines' choice. 00:15:56.590 --> 00:15:59.630 align:middle line:84% She learned about it on the internet-- a blog post, I think. 00:15:59.630 --> 00:16:02.990 align:middle line:84% I had input too, of course, but my requirements were simple-- 00:16:02.990 --> 00:16:05.630 align:middle line:84% peace, quiet, and a mountain to ski. 00:16:05.630 --> 00:16:07.910 align:middle line:84% That's all you care about, Ines asked. 00:16:07.910 --> 00:16:09.430 align:middle line:90% That's it, I said. 00:16:09.430 --> 00:16:10.677 align:middle line:90% We both got what we wanted-- 00:16:10.677 --> 00:16:12.510 align:middle line:84% I got my peace, my quiet, and a ski mountain 00:16:12.510 --> 00:16:14.430 align:middle line:84% with some of the best snow in the hemisphere. 00:16:14.430 --> 00:16:17.950 align:middle line:84% Ines got a nice big house, a new car, a new horse, and a path 00:16:17.950 --> 00:16:20.050 align:middle line:84% to go riding-- a path that leads to many others. 00:16:20.050 --> 00:16:23.670 align:middle line:90% Some paved, some not. 00:16:23.670 --> 00:16:25.390 align:middle line:90% Our life here is a private one. 00:16:25.390 --> 00:16:27.773 align:middle line:84% The previous owner was a tech investor from California. 00:16:27.773 --> 00:16:29.190 align:middle line:84% He built the house with the vision 00:16:29.190 --> 00:16:31.107 align:middle line:84% that he and his children and his grandchildren 00:16:31.107 --> 00:16:33.110 align:middle line:84% would all be happy together forever. 00:16:33.110 --> 00:16:35.390 align:middle line:84% Turned out they didn't use the place at all. 00:16:35.390 --> 00:16:36.450 align:middle line:90% I never met him. 00:16:36.450 --> 00:16:37.640 align:middle line:90% I never spoke to him either. 00:16:37.640 --> 00:16:39.390 align:middle line:84% Through his realtor, he offered to include 00:16:39.390 --> 00:16:41.015 align:middle line:84% pretty much everything inside the house 00:16:41.015 --> 00:16:42.270 align:middle line:90% for a reasonable price. 00:16:42.270 --> 00:16:44.850 align:middle line:84% Ines had imagined a parade of interior decoration, 00:16:44.850 --> 00:16:47.510 align:middle line:84% but the price for the full turnkey was too good to pass up. 00:16:47.510 --> 00:16:48.450 align:middle line:90% It's easier, I said. 00:16:48.450 --> 00:16:49.870 align:middle line:90% Cheaper. 00:16:49.870 --> 00:16:52.830 align:middle line:84% Since then, Ines has changed some of the furniture out. 00:16:52.830 --> 00:16:56.110 align:middle line:84% Lamp by lamp, side table by side table, armchair by armchair. 00:16:56.110 --> 00:16:57.478 align:middle line:90% She'll get what she wants. 00:16:57.478 --> 00:16:59.770 align:middle line:84% Recently, she said she wanted to paint the walls a more 00:16:59.770 --> 00:17:01.130 align:middle line:90% natural shade of white. 00:17:01.130 --> 00:17:02.770 align:middle line:90% They're too bright, she said. 00:17:02.770 --> 00:17:05.170 align:middle line:90% I said, we'll see. 00:17:05.170 --> 00:17:07.770 align:middle line:84% Neither of us have made much use of the tech man's toys. 00:17:07.770 --> 00:17:10.062 align:middle line:84% We've never touched the climbing ropes, the carabiners, 00:17:10.062 --> 00:17:10.810 align:middle line:90% or crash pads. 00:17:10.810 --> 00:17:13.890 align:middle line:84% The kayaks and paddleboards belong to the spiders. 00:17:13.890 --> 00:17:15.230 align:middle line:90% The game room has a pool table. 00:17:15.230 --> 00:17:19.130 align:middle line:84% Sometimes I play-- alone, mostly, against myself. 00:17:19.130 --> 00:17:21.609 align:middle line:84% The tech man even left behind some woodworking tools. 00:17:21.609 --> 00:17:23.170 align:middle line:90% Kate inherited those. 00:17:23.170 --> 00:17:26.329 align:middle line:84% She saw them in the garage when she came for Christmas. 00:17:26.329 --> 00:17:28.670 align:middle line:84% All excited, she asked me what I used them for. 00:17:28.670 --> 00:17:30.670 align:middle line:84% I'll never use that shit in my life, I told her. 00:17:30.670 --> 00:17:31.473 align:middle line:90% You can take them. 00:17:31.473 --> 00:17:32.890 align:middle line:84% She said it was the best Christmas 00:17:32.890 --> 00:17:34.280 align:middle line:90% present she'd ever gotten. 00:17:34.280 --> 00:17:36.030 align:middle line:84% She promised she'd make something for me-- 00:17:36.030 --> 00:17:40.450 align:middle line:84% a mailbox or a birdhouse, but I haven't received anything yet. 00:17:40.450 --> 00:17:42.370 align:middle line:84% Maybe she'll bring something for Father's Day. 00:17:42.370 --> 00:17:44.322 align:middle line:84% I know her dad passed away a few years ago. 00:17:44.322 --> 00:17:46.530 align:middle line:84% She's more than welcome to celebrate with Elisa, Ines 00:17:46.530 --> 00:17:47.970 align:middle line:90% and I, if she wants. 00:17:47.970 --> 00:17:49.650 align:middle line:90% She can bring the gift then. 00:17:49.650 --> 00:17:50.890 align:middle line:90% Not that I need it. 00:17:50.890 --> 00:17:52.170 align:middle line:90% I have everything and more. 00:17:52.170 --> 00:17:53.510 align:middle line:90% Too much, really. 00:17:53.510 --> 00:17:55.270 align:middle line:90% This house is too big. 00:17:55.270 --> 00:17:57.510 align:middle line:84% A bunch of vacant space without any real purpose. 00:17:57.510 --> 00:17:59.950 align:middle line:84% Empty beds, empty drawers, dusty bedrooms 00:17:59.950 --> 00:18:02.730 align:middle line:84% for hypothetical children, hypothetical grandchildren, 00:18:02.730 --> 00:18:05.250 align:middle line:84% and miserable in-laws who, if they ever were invited, 00:18:05.250 --> 00:18:07.870 align:middle line:84% would find 20 different ways to complain. 00:18:07.870 --> 00:18:09.150 align:middle line:90% The view's what I enjoy. 00:18:09.150 --> 00:18:10.830 align:middle line:90% The house faces west. 00:18:10.830 --> 00:18:13.430 align:middle line:84% At night, I see some of the brightest stars of my life. 00:18:13.430 --> 00:18:16.150 align:middle line:84% Every day, I wake up to the sun shining on the Cascade Range. 00:18:16.150 --> 00:18:18.845 align:middle line:84% The Three Sisters, black and volcanic, and dormant. 00:18:18.845 --> 00:18:19.970 align:middle line:90% One of them in particular-- 00:18:19.970 --> 00:18:23.230 align:middle line:84% I forget which-- ready and waiting to erupt. 00:18:23.230 --> 00:18:25.010 align:middle line:84% When it does explode, I might be here, 00:18:25.010 --> 00:18:26.590 align:middle line:90% sitting at this kitchen table. 00:18:26.590 --> 00:18:28.515 align:middle line:84% Front row seats to the grand finale. 00:18:28.515 --> 00:18:30.390 align:middle line:84% Any day now, an earthquake will hit somewhere 00:18:30.390 --> 00:18:32.230 align:middle line:84% in the nearby Pacific, starting a wave 00:18:32.230 --> 00:18:33.962 align:middle line:90% that will decimate the Coast. 00:18:33.962 --> 00:18:35.670 align:middle line:84% The truth is, this land in Central Oregon 00:18:35.670 --> 00:18:37.350 align:middle line:90% is just like my part of Spain. 00:18:37.350 --> 00:18:38.790 align:middle line:90% This was Spain, too, of course. 00:18:38.790 --> 00:18:40.290 align:middle line:90% Not very long ago, either. 00:18:40.290 --> 00:18:41.790 align:middle line:90% New Spain. 00:18:41.790 --> 00:18:43.633 align:middle line:84% Sometimes dizzy from sleep or wine, 00:18:43.633 --> 00:18:46.050 align:middle line:84% I feel like I'm back on my father's vineyard in La Mancha, 00:18:46.050 --> 00:18:47.510 align:middle line:90% in Pioz. 00:18:47.510 --> 00:18:49.750 align:middle line:84% Here, many disasters are natural-- 00:18:49.750 --> 00:18:52.310 align:middle line:90% eruptions, tsunami, wildfire. 00:18:52.310 --> 00:18:55.160 align:middle line:84% In Spain, our disasters are mostly man-made. 00:18:55.160 --> 00:18:57.140 align:middle line:84% Like most of us, I'm a descendant of war, 00:18:57.140 --> 00:19:00.080 align:middle line:84% my father's lineage wrought with piety and politics. 00:19:00.080 --> 00:19:01.735 align:middle line:90% War was what they knew best. 00:19:01.735 --> 00:19:03.360 align:middle line:84% Growing up, some of the country's scars 00:19:03.360 --> 00:19:04.600 align:middle line:90% were plain to see. 00:19:04.600 --> 00:19:08.160 align:middle line:84% Palaces and ruins, Franco and the corrupt king. 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:09.652 align:middle line:90% Others remained hidden. 00:19:09.652 --> 00:19:11.360 align:middle line:84% By the time I'd been born, the graveyards 00:19:11.360 --> 00:19:14.640 align:middle line:84% had been veiled by tall grasses and scant open fields. 00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:16.920 align:middle line:84% Wars everywhere-- always has been. 00:19:16.920 --> 00:19:19.400 align:middle line:84% Now I know just about anything can go wrong. 00:19:19.400 --> 00:19:21.520 align:middle line:84% Disaster is both sudden and slow. 00:19:21.520 --> 00:19:23.960 align:middle line:84% It belongs as much to man as it does to nature. 00:19:23.960 --> 00:19:26.640 align:middle line:84% Disease, for example, cost Laura her life. 00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:28.980 align:middle line:84% I blame my neighbors, I blame the economists, 00:19:28.980 --> 00:19:31.200 align:middle line:84% I blame the presidents, I blame the Earth. 00:19:31.200 --> 00:19:33.200 align:middle line:84% I'll never understand it, this world. 00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:34.520 align:middle line:90% I think I hate it. 00:19:34.520 --> 00:19:36.840 align:middle line:84% I've loved a few people, that's about it. 00:19:36.840 --> 00:19:39.600 align:middle line:90% A few have loved me back. 00:19:39.600 --> 00:19:40.180 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:19:40.180 --> 00:19:43.630 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:19:43.630 --> 00:19:54.000 align:middle line:90%