WEBVTT

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"Yardstick."

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Above the hospital
the moon kept shining,

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I wasn't anywhere, and
I couldn't describe it,

00:00:12.920 --> 00:00:16.620 align:middle line:84%
I couldn't stay awake,
I mumbled, I stuttered,

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I crashed the words
together or trailed off,

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I couldn't say it
straight, so I tried

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saying around it, dark-struck,
slumber-felt, sleep-clogged,

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My glasses were broken and
my eyes wouldn't resolve,

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My stomach was bruised
from the heparin shots,

00:00:37.920 --> 00:00:43.200 align:middle line:84%
I turned in sleep, shouldering
into the dark, glossy water,

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I practiced connecting,
I measured the gaps,

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I started new dreams
without finishing

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the last, sifting in sleep what
I couldn't sift in daylight,

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I jumped from house to house
through iterations of myself,

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My memories were
inaccurate or out of order,

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they did not accumulate,

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What had made things
follow had come apart,

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and the coming apart was
no longer interesting,

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To link it up,

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To milk the cow and show
the math to make the butter,

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To describe the green field
trampled or untrampled

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was beyond me,

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Someone came every hour to
check my blood pressure,

00:01:35.730 --> 00:01:41.010 align:middle line:84%
I would raise my arm for the
cuff without fully waking,

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My brother called, I
told him not to come,

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I wasn't sure who he was, and
I wouldn't be able to fake it,

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I couldn't lie and
I couldn't track,

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I made sentences but
couldn't remember them,

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It made me unreliable,

00:02:06.050 --> 00:02:09.410 align:middle line:90%
It was uncomfortable to watch,

00:02:09.410 --> 00:02:14.130 align:middle line:84%
I blathered in loops,
repetitive, elliptical,

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I was overly invested and
empathetically blurry,

00:02:19.330 --> 00:02:23.090 align:middle line:84%
I had lost my poker
face, my guile,

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and I was in danger of betraying
my secrets and everyone else's,

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The bed was uncomfortable,

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I was heavy, I was bricks,

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Above the bed, the
ceiling and the stars,

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Below the bed, the Earth,

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And then out the
other side, and stars,

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I fell in all directions.

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