WEBVTT

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Hi.

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Hi.

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I had a stroke and I fell
down and I forgot everything.

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And I don't know how
to tell you about it,

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so I'm going to show it to you.

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Sidewalk

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I crawled to the
front door and swung

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it open so the
ambulance could find me.

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It seemed like a
strange thing to do,

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since I hadn't called
for an ambulance.

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So I crawled to the
end of the sidewalk

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and sat there, which
still didn't make sense.

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All the condos looked
the same, so it

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was going to be difficult to
find me if the door wasn't open.

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There was a noise in my head and
I couldn't afford an ambulance,

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so I called a friend to come
and get me and he wasn't happy.

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It felt weird.

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I went back and locked the door
and stood in front of the house

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to wait for my friend.

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But I wasn't standing
in front of the house,

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I was lying on the sidewalk
with my face and my shoulder bag

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because I couldn't
stand up, and I

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was afraid it would
scare my friend.

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So I rolled on my side
and propped myself up my

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with my weak arm, while my
legs sprawled out behind me.

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I held my bag tight
to my chest and tried

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to look casual, with my crooked
smile and unfocused eyes.

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It was hard to keep
my head up, but I

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kept smiling at the pavement
and the blurry middle distance

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until I could see the wheels
of a car and my friend's shoes.

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I felt like I was running
to him, but I wasn't moving.

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The trees were tall and
fast outside the car window.

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I kept apologizing.

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It was clear that
something had happened

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that wasn't going to unhappen.

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In the emergency room,
the woman at the desk

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kept asking me questions.

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All my answers were
stroke, dizzy, numb.

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I kept saying the
words in different ways

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so she would understand.

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She didn't.

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She didn't believe me.

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They put me in the waiting
room, which I knew was wrong.

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And I realized that I
had messed up because I

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didn't call for an ambulance.

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I kept falling asleep
in the waiting room.

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I looked much worse,
slack and crooked,

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the two sides of my face
moving at different speeds.

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I went back to the
desk and said help.

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They put me in a room.

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No one believes that I know what
I know because sometimes I miss

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a part or tell it sideways.

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Some people get stuck
on the first thing

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you say and they don't let
you finish your syllogism.

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They asked me the
wrong questions.

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I gave the wrong answers.

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They thought I was faking it.

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I said numb.

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I meant getting numb, more
numb, half of me mostly numb.

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They said Lift your leg.

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I did, a few inches.

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It was heavy, they were mad.

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You aren't paralyzed.

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They kept missing the point.

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None of this was normal.

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I do know some things.

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I was making strange
and ambiguous gestures.

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I was trying to tell them about
the door and the ambulance

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and the sidewalk.

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The doctor decided I was
having a panic attack

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and discharged me.

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Someone wheeled me to the curb.

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Someone else helped
me into a car.

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