WEBVTT

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This is about living
in two worlds,

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and the more I read
this, the more I

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realized that a lot of
people come up to me

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and say they're always
living in two worlds too,

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and they're not Native American.

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They may be German or
from another country,

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or they may just have
a different lifestyle,

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and they too live
in different worlds.

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"Yes, I'll admit I was
by the water on the beach

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in the hot Pacific sun.

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Turquoise water plunging
to shore as palm trees

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undulate in time.

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Cold coconut drink
in hand, I was

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sure I had stepped into a
postcard from the tropics.

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Suddenly, a dark
cloud moved over me,

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appearing in this
blue guiltless sky.

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I started thinking, damn, Indian
women, especially Pueblo women,

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don't drink pina coladas on
Kauai beaches in December

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and enjoy it?

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Scrutinizing other
vacationers, I

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wondered if they too
felt dark clouds.

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Speaking in a language
from across the waters,

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meda cuna chaa, meda
cuna chaa, was it true?

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Had I forgotten who I
was, where I'd come from?

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Heda to an unde ung muu?

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Te ung unde we
meda cuna ung muu.

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And who do you think
you are, a white person?

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My sister's voice coming
from the clouds above.

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Richly designed condos
dotted the sandy beaches,

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dissimilar to unaffected
mud structures growing out

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of parched Pueblo land.

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Even the scattered sunbathers
in various shades of tan

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seem different than I.

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Here I was, an Indian
woman enjoying herself

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in another world among a
different breed of people.

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These thoughts
collected, causing me

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to feel anxious and uncertain.

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When I was young, we
thought only Meda cuna

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took luxurious vacations
to exotic places.

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Indians didn't.

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Towa were supposed to stay
home carrying on a tradition

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separate from the
rest of the world.

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This was our way.

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Unlike the characteristically
homebound Towa,

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I had grown comfortable
in venturing out

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of Pueblo boundaries.

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I wondered if there was a
balance for me where my place

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was in these opposing worlds.

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Would I find it here
under the hot Pacific sun

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or at home in the
canyon's peaceful shelter?

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The look on my husband's face--

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the look on my face,
clued my husband.

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You see, he knows me very well.

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With comforting
words, he reminded

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me to enjoy every
second of this day,

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to forget what was crossing me.

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I eased into thought,
consoling myself,

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reassessing my place
in these worlds.

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I am a brown woman
who will always

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be Towa, even under
this hot Pacific sun."

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[APPLAUSE]

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