This is about living in two worlds,
and the more I read this, the more I
realized that a lot of people come up to me
and say they're always living in two worlds too,
and they're not Native American.
They may be German or from another country,
or they may just have a different lifestyle,
and they too live in different worlds.
"Yes, I'll admit I was by the water on the beach
in the hot Pacific sun.
Turquoise water plunging to shore as palm trees
undulate in time.
Cold coconut drink in hand, I was
sure I had stepped into a postcard from the tropics.
Suddenly, a dark cloud moved over me,
appearing in this blue guiltless sky.
I started thinking, damn, Indian women, especially Pueblo women,
don't drink pina coladas on Kauai beaches in December
and enjoy it?
Scrutinizing other vacationers, I
wondered if they too felt dark clouds.
Speaking in a language from across the waters,
meda cuna chaa, meda cuna chaa, was it true?
Had I forgotten who I was, where I'd come from?
Heda to an unde ung muu?
Te ung unde we meda cuna ung muu.
And who do you think you are, a white person?
My sister's voice coming from the clouds above.
Richly designed condos dotted the sandy beaches,
dissimilar to unaffected mud structures growing out
of parched Pueblo land.
Even the scattered sunbathers in various shades of tan
seem different than I.
Here I was, an Indian woman enjoying herself
in another world among a different breed of people.
These thoughts collected, causing me
to feel anxious and uncertain.
When I was young, we thought only Meda cuna
took luxurious vacations to exotic places.
Indians didn't.
Towa were supposed to stay home carrying on a tradition
separate from the rest of the world.
This was our way.
Unlike the characteristically homebound Towa,
I had grown comfortable in venturing out
of Pueblo boundaries.
I wondered if there was a balance for me where my place
was in these opposing worlds.
Would I find it here under the hot Pacific sun
or at home in the canyon's peaceful shelter?
The look on my husband's face--
the look on my face, clued my husband.
You see, he knows me very well.
With comforting words, he reminded
me to enjoy every second of this day,
to forget what was crossing me.
I eased into thought, consoling myself,
reassessing my place in these worlds.
I am a brown woman who will always
be Towa, even under this hot Pacific sun."
[APPLAUSE]