WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.000 align:middle line:84% Graduate creative writing program. 00:00:03.000 --> 00:00:05.410 align:middle line:84% That reading will take place on Wednesday, 00:00:05.410 --> 00:00:10.350 align:middle line:84% February 28 at 8:00 PM here in Modern Languages. 00:00:10.350 --> 00:00:13.380 align:middle line:84% Also, I would like to announce that fiction writers, 00:00:13.380 --> 00:00:17.490 align:middle line:84% Robert Boswell and Antonya Nelson will read from their work 00:00:17.490 --> 00:00:21.210 align:middle line:84% next Wednesday at 8:00 PM in Modern Languages. 00:00:21.210 --> 00:00:25.440 align:middle line:84% And on Thursday, February 22 writers 00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:29.160 align:middle line:84% of the American West William Kittredge and Annick Smith 00:00:29.160 --> 00:00:32.759 align:middle line:84% will read from their work at the Duval auditorium 00:00:32.759 --> 00:00:34.860 align:middle line:84% at the University Medical Center. 00:00:34.860 --> 00:00:37.770 align:middle line:84% Both of those readings are free and open to the public 00:00:37.770 --> 00:00:40.050 align:middle line:84% and are sponsored by the creative writing program 00:00:40.050 --> 00:00:43.055 align:middle line:84% at the U of A. And for more information, 00:00:43.055 --> 00:00:44.430 align:middle line:84% you can call the creative writing 00:00:44.430 --> 00:00:49.510 align:middle line:84% program or the University of Arizona Poetry Center. 00:00:49.510 --> 00:00:51.910 align:middle line:84% Copies of Alison Moore's books are 00:00:51.910 --> 00:00:55.570 align:middle line:84% for sale in the lobby compliments of ASUA bookstore 00:00:55.570 --> 00:00:59.260 align:middle line:84% and Alison would be happy to sign copies after the reading. 00:00:59.260 --> 00:01:02.330 align:middle line:90% 00:01:02.330 --> 00:01:06.260 align:middle line:84% Alison Moore is the author of the novel Synonym for Love, 00:01:06.260 --> 00:01:09.530 align:middle line:84% published in 1995 by Mercury House, 00:01:09.530 --> 00:01:11.780 align:middle line:84% a volume of short stories entitled 00:01:11.780 --> 00:01:17.420 align:middle line:84% Small Spaces Between Emergencies and an earlier volume of poetry. 00:01:17.420 --> 00:01:21.650 align:middle line:84% She is the recipient of a 1993 creative writing fellowship 00:01:21.650 --> 00:01:24.260 align:middle line:84% from the National Endowment for the Arts, 00:01:24.260 --> 00:01:27.170 align:middle line:84% the Martindale literary prize in Arizona 00:01:27.170 --> 00:01:30.860 align:middle line:84% and was recently chosen as the staff favorite fiction writer 00:01:30.860 --> 00:01:33.620 align:middle line:84% by the staff of the Tucson Weekly. 00:01:33.620 --> 00:01:37.280 align:middle line:84% Her short fiction has appeared in Ms., Story, 00:01:37.280 --> 00:01:41.270 align:middle line:84% Southwest Stories, and the North American Review. 00:01:41.270 --> 00:01:42.890 align:middle line:84% She's a member of the creative writing 00:01:42.890 --> 00:01:44.960 align:middle line:84% faculty at the University of Arizona 00:01:44.960 --> 00:01:47.870 align:middle line:84% and the publications director for Arts Reach, 00:01:47.870 --> 00:01:50.330 align:middle line:84% a non-profit organization dedicated 00:01:50.330 --> 00:01:55.680 align:middle line:84% to providing writing resources to Native American communities. 00:01:55.680 --> 00:01:59.250 align:middle line:84% If it were any other day than Valentine's Day, 00:01:59.250 --> 00:02:02.820 align:middle line:84% I might have begun Alison's introduction differently, 00:02:02.820 --> 00:02:05.670 align:middle line:84% but because of its amorous implications, 00:02:05.670 --> 00:02:09.449 align:middle line:84% I thought I would start with her conception. 00:02:09.449 --> 00:02:12.420 align:middle line:84% In an interview with Alison Moore I read recently, 00:02:12.420 --> 00:02:16.290 align:middle line:84% she said how she had been conceived while her parents were 00:02:16.290 --> 00:02:18.360 align:middle line:84% staying in the caretaker's cottage 00:02:18.360 --> 00:02:21.480 align:middle line:84% at the Harriet Beecher Stowe estate, which 00:02:21.480 --> 00:02:24.870 align:middle line:84% of course is a noble beginning for any writer. 00:02:24.870 --> 00:02:27.870 align:middle line:84% But this also seems an apt starting point 00:02:27.870 --> 00:02:30.960 align:middle line:84% for a writer who would create memorable characters who 00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:34.410 align:middle line:84% are themselves caretakers and observers reacting 00:02:34.410 --> 00:02:38.190 align:middle line:84% to circumstances that are often out of their control, 00:02:38.190 --> 00:02:42.150 align:middle line:84% the action happening as they assert themselves and find 00:02:42.150 --> 00:02:45.750 align:middle line:84% whatever control is available to them. 00:02:45.750 --> 00:02:48.450 align:middle line:84% Whether that be an elderly woman refusing 00:02:48.450 --> 00:02:52.380 align:middle line:84% to hold a baby when infants are brought to her nursing home 00:02:52.380 --> 00:02:57.150 align:middle line:84% as part of therapy, or the young protagonist in Moore's novel 00:02:57.150 --> 00:02:59.550 align:middle line:84% running away from home, or finding 00:02:59.550 --> 00:03:02.220 align:middle line:84% herself shunned in small southern communities 00:03:02.220 --> 00:03:05.430 align:middle line:84% because of her stance on race relations. 00:03:05.430 --> 00:03:08.670 align:middle line:84% Moore's characters are pitted against the odds 00:03:08.670 --> 00:03:14.510 align:middle line:84% in a world large and daunting enough to require subversion. 00:03:14.510 --> 00:03:17.960 align:middle line:84% The landscapes she portrays suit the emotional tone 00:03:17.960 --> 00:03:20.390 align:middle line:84% of her fiction with stories set in 00:03:20.390 --> 00:03:24.890 align:middle line:84% the contemplative and biblical desert, the human claustrophobia 00:03:24.890 --> 00:03:28.310 align:middle line:84% of the rural South, or the impersonal geography 00:03:28.310 --> 00:03:30.530 align:middle line:90% of the American roadway. 00:03:30.530 --> 00:03:36.050 align:middle line:84% In counterpoint-- and perhaps most memorable in her work-- 00:03:36.050 --> 00:03:40.980 align:middle line:84% are its stunning portraits of states of grace. 00:03:40.980 --> 00:03:43.860 align:middle line:84% As readers of this remarkable writer, 00:03:43.860 --> 00:03:48.450 align:middle line:84% we are reminded of our own random and willful negotiations 00:03:48.450 --> 00:03:53.760 align:middle line:84% with luck, our own desire for escape or the need 00:03:53.760 --> 00:03:57.700 align:middle line:90% to find solace or to heal. 00:03:57.700 --> 00:04:00.520 align:middle line:84% I am pleased to introduce Alison Moore. 00:04:00.520 --> 00:04:12.680 align:middle line:90% 00:04:12.680 --> 00:04:20.039 align:middle line:84% We'll get you to write my next book jacket blurb fiction. 00:04:20.039 --> 00:04:22.502 align:middle line:90% 00:04:22.502 --> 00:04:23.960 align:middle line:84% Actually I'm going to start reading 00:04:23.960 --> 00:04:28.640 align:middle line:84% a poem as a nod to the Poetry Center 00:04:28.640 --> 00:04:32.690 align:middle line:84% and I seem to have had snakes on the brain lately. 00:04:32.690 --> 00:04:36.110 align:middle line:84% I don't know what this is about, but these-- this short story 00:04:36.110 --> 00:04:38.480 align:middle line:84% that I'm going to read tonight and this poem 00:04:38.480 --> 00:04:41.180 align:middle line:90% seem to want to go together. 00:04:41.180 --> 00:04:42.950 align:middle line:90% Are these flowers upstaging me? 00:04:42.950 --> 00:04:46.670 align:middle line:90% 00:04:46.670 --> 00:04:48.750 align:middle line:90% All right. 00:04:48.750 --> 00:04:49.250 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:04:49.250 --> 00:04:51.790 align:middle line:90% 00:04:51.790 --> 00:04:56.020 align:middle line:84% This poem-- only one person in this audience has heard it, 00:04:56.020 --> 00:04:58.630 align:middle line:84% that was Karen Falkenstrom and we 00:04:58.630 --> 00:05:06.370 align:middle line:84% went down to the Bisbee borderlands poetry fest theater 00:05:06.370 --> 00:05:08.950 align:middle line:90% and read in an open mic there. 00:05:08.950 --> 00:05:11.090 align:middle line:84% It's been a long time since I've read a poem. 00:05:11.090 --> 00:05:13.340 align:middle line:84% So I thought I'd read it tonight. 00:05:13.340 --> 00:05:17.670 align:middle line:84% It's called The Extras at the Gates of Eden. 00:05:17.670 --> 00:05:19.880 align:middle line:84% They were hired for the crowd scene. 00:05:19.880 --> 00:05:23.810 align:middle line:84% The one near the end where Eve resists temptation. 00:05:23.810 --> 00:05:27.110 align:middle line:84% A cheering section of sorts for the humans, 00:05:27.110 --> 00:05:30.890 align:middle line:84% but they were never called nor sent home with severance pay. 00:05:30.890 --> 00:05:33.230 align:middle line:84% So they wait patiently, then not so 00:05:33.230 --> 00:05:37.340 align:middle line:84% patiently, as humans are wont to do. 00:05:37.340 --> 00:05:39.650 align:middle line:84% The Styrofoam cups and newspapers 00:05:39.650 --> 00:05:42.380 align:middle line:84% which at first were put neatly into trash cans 00:05:42.380 --> 00:05:46.010 align:middle line:84% now blow freely, sticking between the bars of the gleaming 00:05:46.010 --> 00:05:48.420 align:middle line:90% gates of Eden. 00:05:48.420 --> 00:05:50.630 align:middle line:84% It seemed like a good gig at the time, 00:05:50.630 --> 00:05:52.760 align:middle line:84% but they've just run out of cream. 00:05:52.760 --> 00:05:56.810 align:middle line:84% The catering truck departs and rumors arrive. 00:05:56.810 --> 00:05:58.430 align:middle line:90% They got it in one take. 00:05:58.430 --> 00:05:59.870 align:middle line:90% Eve was a pushover. 00:05:59.870 --> 00:06:04.010 align:middle line:84% The snake handler didn't even get overtime let alone scale. 00:06:04.010 --> 00:06:07.460 align:middle line:84% In anger, he left the snake behind. 00:06:07.460 --> 00:06:10.220 align:middle line:84% It's coiled now in the tree listening 00:06:10.220 --> 00:06:12.170 align:middle line:90% to lane outside the gate. 00:06:12.170 --> 00:06:14.930 align:middle line:90% All but one finally go home. 00:06:14.930 --> 00:06:18.410 align:middle line:84% A boy peers through the bars at the tree still heavy 00:06:18.410 --> 00:06:21.950 align:middle line:84% with uneaten fruit, at the serpent disconsolate 00:06:21.950 --> 00:06:24.170 align:middle line:90% now in the bowels. 00:06:24.170 --> 00:06:25.340 align:middle line:90% Want one? 00:06:25.340 --> 00:06:30.350 align:middle line:84% asks the serpent, half heartedly trying to look interested again. 00:06:30.350 --> 00:06:33.080 align:middle line:84% But the boy, having read the script says, 00:06:33.080 --> 00:06:36.410 align:middle line:84% no way, look what happened to her. 00:06:36.410 --> 00:06:40.310 align:middle line:84% And the serpent contemplates the clever little face then 00:06:40.310 --> 00:06:42.860 align:middle line:84% watches the strong back of Eve disappearing 00:06:42.860 --> 00:06:47.600 align:middle line:84% into the world weighed down now by what she knows. 00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:51.530 align:middle line:84% She is subject to climate and natural disaster now 00:06:51.530 --> 00:06:55.580 align:middle line:84% and the myriad dilemmas of the wandering mind: rent to pay, 00:06:55.580 --> 00:06:59.030 align:middle line:84% loves to begin and end for all the right or wrong reasons. 00:06:59.030 --> 00:07:01.400 align:middle line:84% The heartbreaking desires of her children 00:07:01.400 --> 00:07:03.380 align:middle line:84% for all the flimsy material things 00:07:03.380 --> 00:07:06.380 align:middle line:84% the world is already hard at making. 00:07:06.380 --> 00:07:08.720 align:middle line:84% The shadow of her own death throwing itself 00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:12.500 align:middle line:84% all over everything and dogging her to the grave, 00:07:12.500 --> 00:07:15.320 align:middle line:84% traffic jammed connections, chain letters 00:07:15.320 --> 00:07:17.930 align:middle line:90% and real estate scams. 00:07:17.930 --> 00:07:22.310 align:middle line:84% Shoddy workmanship and dead end jobs and always, always 00:07:22.310 --> 00:07:24.710 align:middle line:90% men who will try to trick her. 00:07:24.710 --> 00:07:26.900 align:middle line:84% And all this for knowledge of the fine line 00:07:26.900 --> 00:07:28.980 align:middle line:90% between good and evil. 00:07:28.980 --> 00:07:29.880 align:middle line:90% What a trade off? 00:07:29.880 --> 00:07:32.990 align:middle line:84% The serpent thinks, but not unkindly. 00:07:32.990 --> 00:07:37.040 align:middle line:84% He knows what was lost on the fundamentalist screenwriter. 00:07:37.040 --> 00:07:38.840 align:middle line:84% What slipped through the script was 00:07:38.840 --> 00:07:40.850 align:middle line:90% the metaphor of bitten fruit. 00:07:40.850 --> 00:07:44.120 align:middle line:84% Skin broken open and the risk of marred perfection 00:07:44.120 --> 00:07:49.610 align:middle line:84% for the awkward oozing ecstasy of music, sex and art. 00:07:49.610 --> 00:07:54.170 align:middle line:84% If this is sin, he thinks, let's have at it. 00:07:54.170 --> 00:07:56.930 align:middle line:84% The serpent stares at the fox faced little boy, 00:07:56.930 --> 00:08:00.530 align:middle line:84% flicks his forked tongue once for special effect. 00:08:00.530 --> 00:08:02.810 align:middle line:90% Chicken, he hisses. 00:08:02.810 --> 00:08:04.370 align:middle line:90% Eve, he says, had nerve. 00:08:04.370 --> 00:08:20.770 align:middle line:90% 00:08:20.770 --> 00:08:25.890 align:middle line:84% I've got this to say about love, there's no synonym. 00:08:25.890 --> 00:08:29.560 align:middle line:90% You either have it or you don't. 00:08:29.560 --> 00:08:35.909 align:middle line:84% And I wanted to begin in this story with an epigraph 00:08:35.909 --> 00:08:38.789 align:middle line:90% by singer songwriter Greg Brown. 00:08:38.789 --> 00:08:43.740 align:middle line:84% Who says loving a hug and loving a kiss. 00:08:43.740 --> 00:08:48.450 align:middle line:84% Love is every day doing this, that, this. 00:08:48.450 --> 00:08:51.540 align:middle line:84% So this is a story about people doing a weird kind of this that 00:08:51.540 --> 00:08:55.470 align:middle line:84% and this and I wanted to thank Deidre Elliot for the triggering 00:08:55.470 --> 00:08:58.410 align:middle line:90% town, so to speak. 00:08:58.410 --> 00:08:59.700 align:middle line:90% This is it called Snake Woman. 00:08:59.700 --> 00:09:03.440 align:middle line:90% 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:06.680 align:middle line:84% Lila's just got written up: Snake Woman of the West 00:09:06.680 --> 00:09:08.750 align:middle line:90% the Seattle Times called her. 00:09:08.750 --> 00:09:10.940 align:middle line:90% Now what does that make me? 00:09:10.940 --> 00:09:13.100 align:middle line:84% In the photograph of us along with the article 00:09:13.100 --> 00:09:15.830 align:middle line:84% Lila looms in the foreground, all six foot of her, 00:09:15.830 --> 00:09:19.580 align:middle line:84% holding on to a five foot Western Diamondback by the tail. 00:09:19.580 --> 00:09:21.530 align:middle line:84% Her Stetson shades her face so that it 00:09:21.530 --> 00:09:23.360 align:middle line:90% looks like a phase of the moon. 00:09:23.360 --> 00:09:27.290 align:middle line:84% Her eyes are in the dark of it, her mouth in full sun. 00:09:27.290 --> 00:09:31.520 align:middle line:84% Her jaw set as if she's trying hard to keep her teeth together. 00:09:31.520 --> 00:09:33.800 align:middle line:90% Mean, but looking good. 00:09:33.800 --> 00:09:36.830 align:middle line:84% And there I am like a hard luck case in my wheelchair 00:09:36.830 --> 00:09:40.070 align:middle line:84% squinting like a Mongoloid which I am not. 00:09:40.070 --> 00:09:42.980 align:middle line:84% It's just the sun because the asshole photographer didn't 00:09:42.980 --> 00:09:45.020 align:middle line:90% like the way my hat looked. 00:09:45.020 --> 00:09:47.240 align:middle line:84% The derby doesn't make it, he said. 00:09:47.240 --> 00:09:49.940 align:middle line:84% It doesn't look Western enough, which 00:09:49.940 --> 00:09:53.810 align:middle line:84% was the point, which was lost on him. 00:09:53.810 --> 00:09:56.420 align:middle line:84% I put it on just to piss him off. 00:09:56.420 --> 00:09:58.370 align:middle line:84% He drove in here in a rented minivan. 00:09:58.370 --> 00:10:01.370 align:middle line:84% Looked like he'd stopped at Dallas Fort Worth airport just 00:10:01.370 --> 00:10:03.020 align:middle line:84% long enough to hit the gift shops 00:10:03.020 --> 00:10:06.988 align:middle line:84% and get a $500 pair of Lucchese handmade boots. 00:10:06.988 --> 00:10:08.030 align:middle line:90% He pointed one of those-- 00:10:08.030 --> 00:10:10.620 align:middle line:84% Point the toes at Lila for approval. 00:10:10.620 --> 00:10:12.200 align:middle line:90% That's lizard, she said. 00:10:12.200 --> 00:10:13.460 align:middle line:90% Not snakeskin. 00:10:13.460 --> 00:10:16.610 align:middle line:90% You've been had. 00:10:16.610 --> 00:10:18.530 align:middle line:84% The picture's in a frame in the kitchen 00:10:18.530 --> 00:10:20.540 align:middle line:84% now where Lila can get a good look 00:10:20.540 --> 00:10:22.040 align:middle line:90% at herself every [AUDIO OUT]. 00:10:22.040 --> 00:10:24.500 align:middle line:84% She's proud of being called the Snake Woman. 00:10:24.500 --> 00:10:27.080 align:middle line:84% Says it suits her more than her own name 00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:29.720 align:middle line:84% and she places a lot of importance on names. 00:10:29.720 --> 00:10:33.500 align:middle line:84% She's proud of her birthplace: Poetry, Texas, just 00:10:33.500 --> 00:10:36.440 align:middle line:84% for the sound of it even if it is only a shit ass little town 00:10:36.440 --> 00:10:38.390 align:middle line:90% nobody's ever heard of. 00:10:38.390 --> 00:10:40.910 align:middle line:84% My given name is Alexander which Lila 00:10:40.910 --> 00:10:43.400 align:middle line:84% says will take a lot of living up to. 00:10:43.400 --> 00:10:46.100 align:middle line:84% I told her that's why I changed it to Chance which 00:10:46.100 --> 00:10:48.740 align:middle line:90% could mean just about anything. 00:10:48.740 --> 00:10:50.960 align:middle line:84% Personally I have a lot of respect for snakes 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:54.350 align:middle line:84% and sometimes lately I think Lila has gone too far. 00:10:54.350 --> 00:10:57.830 align:middle line:84% The first one she just shot in the backyard after an argument 00:10:57.830 --> 00:11:00.560 align:middle line:84% probably when she first got a good whiff of hundred proof 00:11:00.560 --> 00:11:01.770 align:middle line:90% on me. 00:11:01.770 --> 00:11:03.350 align:middle line:90% The truth is, I'm a drunk. 00:11:03.350 --> 00:11:06.140 align:middle line:84% I was, am, and I will be, and she's just not 00:11:06.140 --> 00:11:07.850 align:middle line:90% ready to admit it. 00:11:07.850 --> 00:11:10.490 align:middle line:84% She slammed out the kitchen door and then turned right around 00:11:10.490 --> 00:11:12.240 align:middle line:90% and came back in. 00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:14.090 align:middle line:84% I thought she'd come back to apologize, 00:11:14.090 --> 00:11:16.880 align:middle line:84% but she grabbed her shotgun and went out again. 00:11:16.880 --> 00:11:18.770 align:middle line:84% I heard only one shot and then there she 00:11:18.770 --> 00:11:21.410 align:middle line:84% was bringing the bastard right in the kitchen still 00:11:21.410 --> 00:11:24.770 align:middle line:84% twitching and writhing and then it stopped and hung down stupid 00:11:24.770 --> 00:11:26.610 align:middle line:90% as a rope. 00:11:26.610 --> 00:11:29.250 align:middle line:84% I'm going to skin this thing and then make a necktie out of it. 00:11:29.250 --> 00:11:31.110 align:middle line:90% It'll suit you perfectly. 00:11:31.110 --> 00:11:32.670 align:middle line:90% She thrust it at me. 00:11:32.670 --> 00:11:36.090 align:middle line:84% Here's looking at you, Chance, go ahead, drink up. 00:11:36.090 --> 00:11:39.180 align:middle line:84% She had a look on her face I've never seen before, but seen 00:11:39.180 --> 00:11:44.190 align:middle line:84% many times since, satisfied and inflamed with righteousness 00:11:44.190 --> 00:11:48.900 align:middle line:84% as only a person who's gotten the last word can be. 00:11:48.900 --> 00:11:51.690 align:middle line:84% Lila wheeled me out of the VA hospital in Dallas one 00:11:51.690 --> 00:11:53.610 align:middle line:84% day after two months of visiting her daddy, 00:11:53.610 --> 00:11:56.410 align:middle line:84% which turned out to be a total waste of time. 00:11:56.410 --> 00:11:59.910 align:middle line:84% He shared a room with me-- cirrhosis of the liver-- 00:11:59.910 --> 00:12:02.520 align:middle line:84% and he'd talk half the night about his glory days singing 00:12:02.520 --> 00:12:04.350 align:middle line:84% with a band on the Roadhouse circuit 00:12:04.350 --> 00:12:09.150 align:middle line:84% basically all the towns all 520 between Odessa and Abilene. 00:12:09.150 --> 00:12:12.570 align:middle line:84% Lloyd Stanley, the singing cowboy, he was having himself 00:12:12.570 --> 00:12:16.570 align:middle line:84% a time he said until Lila slammed him into rehab. 00:12:16.570 --> 00:12:18.570 align:middle line:84% He said he would start drinking again the minute 00:12:18.570 --> 00:12:21.420 align:middle line:84% he got out just to spite her and that he'd never forgive her 00:12:21.420 --> 00:12:23.370 align:middle line:84% as long as he lived, which didn't turn out 00:12:23.370 --> 00:12:25.590 align:middle line:90% to be a very long time. 00:12:25.590 --> 00:12:28.800 align:middle line:84% You'd think it was his wife he went about, not his daughter. 00:12:28.800 --> 00:12:31.290 align:middle line:84% It was like he'd taken a vow to thwart her 00:12:31.290 --> 00:12:35.010 align:middle line:84% and he was true right to the end. 00:12:35.010 --> 00:12:38.010 align:middle line:84% When she came in to visit he wouldn't say a word to her just 00:12:38.010 --> 00:12:41.670 align:middle line:84% stared at her through the whole visiting hour until she left 00:12:41.670 --> 00:12:43.530 align:middle line:84% and she'd stare right back I've never 00:12:43.530 --> 00:12:45.780 align:middle line:90% seen such a stubborn woman. 00:12:45.780 --> 00:12:48.600 align:middle line:84% She'd go ahead and ask him questions anyway 00:12:48.600 --> 00:12:51.770 align:middle line:84% and he wouldn't even grunt and answer. 00:12:51.770 --> 00:12:54.020 align:middle line:84% Finally, one day I couldn't stand it any longer 00:12:54.020 --> 00:12:56.730 align:middle line:84% and when she asked him, can I do anything for you? 00:12:56.730 --> 00:12:59.390 align:middle line:84% I found myself answering, you can come over here, 00:12:59.390 --> 00:13:02.670 align:middle line:84% you can waste your breath on someone who'd appreciate it. 00:13:02.670 --> 00:13:04.970 align:middle line:84% And to my total surprise, she got right up 00:13:04.970 --> 00:13:06.890 align:middle line:90% and came over to my bed. 00:13:06.890 --> 00:13:09.050 align:middle line:90% She sat down on the edge of it. 00:13:09.050 --> 00:13:11.450 align:middle line:84% Her eyes were disturbing shade of green 00:13:11.450 --> 00:13:13.850 align:middle line:90% and she turned them full on me. 00:13:13.850 --> 00:13:17.210 align:middle line:84% I swear she didn't blink for a full five minutes. 00:13:17.210 --> 00:13:18.890 align:middle line:90% She didn't say anything, . 00:13:18.890 --> 00:13:20.660 align:middle line:84% But I could feel her thinking it. 00:13:20.660 --> 00:13:23.095 align:middle line:90% Well, she seemed to say, well. 00:13:23.095 --> 00:13:25.910 align:middle line:90% 00:13:25.910 --> 00:13:28.010 align:middle line:90% Viridian, I blurted it out. 00:13:28.010 --> 00:13:29.790 align:middle line:90% She said, what? 00:13:29.790 --> 00:13:32.520 align:middle line:84% And I had my throat and say it all over again. 00:13:32.520 --> 00:13:35.180 align:middle line:84% It's what color your eyes are, I said. 00:13:35.180 --> 00:13:37.520 align:middle line:84% It was a wild guess something I saw in a paint tube 00:13:37.520 --> 00:13:40.340 align:middle line:84% in the art therapy room and it sounded elegant enough 00:13:40.340 --> 00:13:42.620 align:middle line:90% to be right. 00:13:42.620 --> 00:13:44.510 align:middle line:90% Is that an actual color? 00:13:44.510 --> 00:13:46.580 align:middle line:90% She asked skeptically. 00:13:46.580 --> 00:13:49.490 align:middle line:84% I nodded and she went right on to the next question. 00:13:49.490 --> 00:13:51.970 align:middle line:84% How did you lose your leg in the war? 00:13:51.970 --> 00:13:57.590 align:middle line:84% In a manner of speaking, it was my own war and I lost it. 00:13:57.590 --> 00:13:59.570 align:middle line:84% I'm only here because I did a tour in Nam 00:13:59.570 --> 00:14:01.490 align:middle line:90% and it wasn't even wounded. 00:14:01.490 --> 00:14:04.910 align:middle line:84% Of course, I didn't tell her the whole truth and she didn't ask. 00:14:04.910 --> 00:14:06.590 align:middle line:84% Maybe she took one look at me and knew 00:14:06.590 --> 00:14:10.790 align:middle line:84% I was a long way from coming to believe. 00:14:10.790 --> 00:14:13.090 align:middle line:84% We talked every day for two weeks. 00:14:13.090 --> 00:14:16.160 align:middle line:84% I couldn't tell if she was doing it to spite her daddy 00:14:16.160 --> 00:14:18.620 align:middle line:84% or if she genuinely liked to talk to me. 00:14:18.620 --> 00:14:20.570 align:middle line:84% She told me about the time in high school 00:14:20.570 --> 00:14:23.150 align:middle line:84% she was a rodeo queen in Midland and I made up 00:14:23.150 --> 00:14:26.300 align:middle line:84% a story about my mama being a fortune teller. 00:14:26.300 --> 00:14:29.720 align:middle line:84% In truth the only future she foresaw was mine. 00:14:29.720 --> 00:14:32.330 align:middle line:84% You're going to hell in a handbasket, she'd say. 00:14:32.330 --> 00:14:35.180 align:middle line:84% And if you're self straightened up right now. 00:14:35.180 --> 00:14:38.450 align:middle line:84% Little did she know I'd end up so literally lopsided. 00:14:38.450 --> 00:14:41.363 align:middle line:84% In any event, Lila's daddy slipped into a coma 00:14:41.363 --> 00:14:43.280 align:middle line:84% and it didn't matter one way or the other what 00:14:43.280 --> 00:14:44.690 align:middle line:90% he thought anymore. 00:14:44.690 --> 00:14:46.250 align:middle line:84% But he warned me that first night 00:14:46.250 --> 00:14:49.310 align:middle line:84% after Lila let me look at her, that I shouldn't trust her 00:14:49.310 --> 00:14:51.410 align:middle line:90% as far as I could piss. 00:14:51.410 --> 00:14:53.810 align:middle line:84% What a thing to say about your daughter. 00:14:53.810 --> 00:14:58.830 align:middle line:84% To measure how much faith you've got left in your only child. 00:14:58.830 --> 00:15:00.330 align:middle line:84% She got me out of there as soon as I 00:15:00.330 --> 00:15:02.140 align:middle line:90% was fitted with a prosthetic. 00:15:02.140 --> 00:15:04.020 align:middle line:84% I don't recall a discussion about it. 00:15:04.020 --> 00:15:06.690 align:middle line:84% She just said she was taking me home. 00:15:06.690 --> 00:15:09.310 align:middle line:84% Took me to her ranch which was the real deal. 00:15:09.310 --> 00:15:13.500 align:middle line:84% I mean a dog, a few cattle, well fed, a horse, and a windmill. 00:15:13.500 --> 00:15:15.270 align:middle line:84% The minute I got there, I took off the leg 00:15:15.270 --> 00:15:17.010 align:middle line:90% and I put it under the bed. 00:15:17.010 --> 00:15:19.980 align:middle line:84% It was about as pink as a shrimp and twice as ugly. 00:15:19.980 --> 00:15:21.900 align:middle line:84% And I didn't like lurching around with it. 00:15:21.900 --> 00:15:24.690 align:middle line:90% In the chair I felt more human. 00:15:24.690 --> 00:15:27.750 align:middle line:84% I didn't know how to act or what she wanted of me. 00:15:27.750 --> 00:15:31.110 align:middle line:84% I tried to do little things around the house for her. 00:15:31.110 --> 00:15:33.840 align:middle line:84% I've always been good with my hands and one day 00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:36.630 align:middle line:84% when I was sanding a chair that I had street finished, 00:15:36.630 --> 00:15:40.310 align:middle line:84% she stood over me watching me work. 00:15:40.310 --> 00:15:42.890 align:middle line:84% The back of my neck was burning as she watched me 00:15:42.890 --> 00:15:45.780 align:middle line:84% with those viridian eyes of hers and the next thing I know, 00:15:45.780 --> 00:15:48.530 align:middle line:84% she's kneeling down on the floor, taking my hand 00:15:48.530 --> 00:15:51.440 align:middle line:84% and closing her eyes as she took my fingers in her mouth one 00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:52.670 align:middle line:90% at a time. 00:15:52.670 --> 00:15:55.190 align:middle line:84% Closing her eyes and sucking on them 00:15:55.190 --> 00:15:57.390 align:middle line:84% as if they were honey sweet rather than the varnish 00:15:57.390 --> 00:16:00.140 align:middle line:90% they must have tasted of. 00:16:00.140 --> 00:16:02.780 align:middle line:84% And she conjured up a likewise hunger in me 00:16:02.780 --> 00:16:05.600 align:middle line:84% and I found myself doing something I'd never even thought 00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:06.380 align:middle line:90% of before. 00:16:06.380 --> 00:16:09.050 align:middle line:84% I licked her entire body with the tip of my tongue; 00:16:09.050 --> 00:16:11.660 align:middle line:84% there was no place on her I didn't go. 00:16:11.660 --> 00:16:14.090 align:middle line:84% And then oh how we rolled around all afternoon 00:16:14.090 --> 00:16:16.810 align:middle line:84% on that blue shag rug, a little square of heaven 00:16:16.810 --> 00:16:20.210 align:middle line:84% and come down to Earth in West Texas hell. 00:16:20.210 --> 00:16:23.480 align:middle line:84% I didn't take all that long to lose the fire. 00:16:23.480 --> 00:16:26.390 align:middle line:84% She got pissed at me for refusing to wear the leg 00:16:26.390 --> 00:16:30.020 align:middle line:84% and in that way I guess I was as stubborn as her father. 00:16:30.020 --> 00:16:32.160 align:middle line:84% It was like the old man's pathetic spirit 00:16:32.160 --> 00:16:33.840 align:middle line:90% sneaked into me before he died. 00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:36.380 align:middle line:90% So I could haunt Lila for him. 00:16:36.380 --> 00:16:39.200 align:middle line:84% The bastard was just not going to let her rip. 00:16:39.200 --> 00:16:41.750 align:middle line:84% And before I knew it I started drinking again. 00:16:41.750 --> 00:16:43.730 align:middle line:84% I could say the devil made me do it, 00:16:43.730 --> 00:16:46.520 align:middle line:84% but I swear it was Lloyd Stanley. 00:16:46.520 --> 00:16:48.380 align:middle line:84% And the first night I got knee walking 00:16:48.380 --> 00:16:50.510 align:middle line:84% drunk, which is hard to do with one leg 00:16:50.510 --> 00:16:52.520 align:middle line:84% and then I knew it was only a matter of time 00:16:52.520 --> 00:16:54.020 align:middle line:90% before she would throw me out. 00:16:54.020 --> 00:16:56.628 align:middle line:90% 00:16:56.628 --> 00:16:58.670 align:middle line:84% And that's when the snake thing started to become 00:16:58.670 --> 00:17:00.620 align:middle line:90% like a religion for Lila. 00:17:00.620 --> 00:17:02.570 align:middle line:84% After she nailed all the snakes in the yard 00:17:02.570 --> 00:17:06.109 align:middle line:84% she started hunting on the rest of her 40 acres. 00:17:06.109 --> 00:17:08.450 align:middle line:84% At first, it was kind of amusing. 00:17:08.450 --> 00:17:11.119 align:middle line:84% I mean off she'd go with a rifle and heavy boots 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:14.569 align:middle line:84% at sundown and a knapsack to tote them back in. 00:17:14.569 --> 00:17:17.540 align:middle line:84% She began to do it every night like she couldn't rest until she 00:17:17.540 --> 00:17:19.609 align:middle line:90% cleaned out the county. 00:17:19.609 --> 00:17:22.190 align:middle line:84% She never got bit, she bragged about that. 00:17:22.190 --> 00:17:24.890 align:middle line:84% And I began laying bets that she eventually would and I 00:17:24.890 --> 00:17:27.530 align:middle line:84% tried to get her to take an anti-venom kit with her just 00:17:27.530 --> 00:17:29.060 align:middle line:90% in case. 00:17:29.060 --> 00:17:32.690 align:middle line:84% But she preferred to think she had a charm that kept her safe. 00:17:32.690 --> 00:17:36.830 align:middle line:84% A tinny looking wagon wheel the size of an old silver dollar. 00:17:36.830 --> 00:17:39.470 align:middle line:84% It had the letters of her name stamped on it. 00:17:39.470 --> 00:17:42.380 align:middle line:84% Her father had given it to her at 12 years old-- 00:17:42.380 --> 00:17:44.720 align:middle line:84% got it from an amusement park in Biloxi 00:17:44.720 --> 00:17:47.970 align:middle line:84% he was passing through after he left her mom. 00:17:47.970 --> 00:17:50.030 align:middle line:84% She said the reason it was lucky was that he'd 00:17:50.030 --> 00:17:52.700 align:middle line:90% spelled her name wrong: Lilla. 00:17:52.700 --> 00:17:55.700 align:middle line:84% The extra L, she said, stood for luck. 00:17:55.700 --> 00:17:57.920 align:middle line:84% And how like her to turn something hurtful 00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:00.350 align:middle line:84% into a sign of grace, but to me it 00:18:00.350 --> 00:18:02.000 align:middle line:84% was just another sign of a father 00:18:02.000 --> 00:18:04.790 align:middle line:84% not having any idea who his daughter was. 00:18:04.790 --> 00:18:06.710 align:middle line:84% The thing to remind her every day of her life 00:18:06.710 --> 00:18:11.210 align:middle line:84% that everything about her down to her name was wrong. 00:18:11.210 --> 00:18:13.100 align:middle line:90% Fathers are expert at that. 00:18:13.100 --> 00:18:15.410 align:middle line:84% You can't shut them up for anything even when 00:18:15.410 --> 00:18:16.880 align:middle line:90% they're in the ground. 00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:19.160 align:middle line:84% The first time my old man took me deer hunting 00:18:19.160 --> 00:18:21.620 align:middle line:84% and I missed what he considered an easy shot, 00:18:21.620 --> 00:18:23.990 align:middle line:84% he called me a useless piece of shit. 00:18:23.990 --> 00:18:25.460 align:middle line:90% Useless. 00:18:25.460 --> 00:18:27.020 align:middle line:84% I heard that word so many times it 00:18:27.020 --> 00:18:29.330 align:middle line:90% was what I begun to answer to. 00:18:29.330 --> 00:18:31.730 align:middle line:84% And I thought if I came home from Nam with a medal that 00:18:31.730 --> 00:18:33.530 align:middle line:90% might vindicate me. 00:18:33.530 --> 00:18:36.560 align:middle line:84% I didn't get a medal, but I came home one legged which I hoped 00:18:36.560 --> 00:18:38.210 align:middle line:90% would shut him up for good. 00:18:38.210 --> 00:18:41.060 align:middle line:84% And all it did was turn the volume down. 00:18:41.060 --> 00:18:44.090 align:middle line:84% Anyway, Lila wasted no part of this. 00:18:44.090 --> 00:18:47.570 align:middle line:84% She fed the meat to the dog and even sneaked some in his stew 00:18:47.570 --> 00:18:50.750 align:middle line:84% for us once, but I bit down hard on one of those tiny vertebrae 00:18:50.750 --> 00:18:53.330 align:middle line:84% and knew it was nothing that came from a chicken. 00:18:53.330 --> 00:18:56.060 align:middle line:84% I took it out of my mouth and set it on her bread plate 00:18:56.060 --> 00:18:59.030 align:middle line:84% and it sounded thin as a dropped dime. 00:18:59.030 --> 00:19:00.380 align:middle line:90% She picked it up. 00:19:00.380 --> 00:19:02.030 align:middle line:84% I thought she'd say she was sorry. 00:19:02.030 --> 00:19:04.420 align:middle line:84% I might have choked on the thing. 00:19:04.420 --> 00:19:07.780 align:middle line:84% Earrings, is what she said, studying it. 00:19:07.780 --> 00:19:10.180 align:middle line:84% Already planning on how to get the hooks attached. 00:19:10.180 --> 00:19:16.480 align:middle line:90% 00:19:16.480 --> 00:19:19.270 align:middle line:84% She made everything out of snakeskin, skateboards and belts 00:19:19.270 --> 00:19:22.390 align:middle line:84% and hat bands, and there was a logic in these items. 00:19:22.390 --> 00:19:24.400 align:middle line:84% People paid big money for such things. 00:19:24.400 --> 00:19:27.340 align:middle line:84% She showed them to me once in Esquire magazine. 00:19:27.340 --> 00:19:30.040 align:middle line:84% A big square jawed bastard with wet hair in a suit 00:19:30.040 --> 00:19:32.080 align:middle line:84% on with no shirt underneath, his hands 00:19:32.080 --> 00:19:34.030 align:middle line:84% on his hips part of the jacket just enough 00:19:34.030 --> 00:19:37.330 align:middle line:84% to show off the belt. And the caption beneath him said, 00:19:37.330 --> 00:19:42.190 align:middle line:84% accessory to die for: rattlesnake belt, $300. 00:19:42.190 --> 00:19:45.220 align:middle line:84% You couldn't pay me $300 to wear one of those. 00:19:45.220 --> 00:19:47.560 align:middle line:90% Personally I don't much care. 00:19:47.560 --> 00:19:49.480 align:middle line:84% It's only from a distance that snakes 00:19:49.480 --> 00:19:51.220 align:middle line:90% look slick touch the skin. 00:19:51.220 --> 00:19:55.090 align:middle line:84% And it's bristly, it's scaly, it's dry. 00:19:55.090 --> 00:19:58.000 align:middle line:84% Pretty soon Lila was buying kits to make clocks, 00:19:58.000 --> 00:19:59.537 align:middle line:84% cutting out little circles of skin 00:19:59.537 --> 00:20:01.750 align:middle line:90% to paste where the hours were. 00:20:01.750 --> 00:20:04.240 align:middle line:84% Then it was pieces glued on lighters and tape 00:20:04.240 --> 00:20:06.550 align:middle line:84% measures and nail files and any goddamn thing 00:20:06.550 --> 00:20:09.580 align:middle line:84% that had a surface that would take glue. 00:20:09.580 --> 00:20:11.530 align:middle line:84% What are we going to do with all this shit? 00:20:11.530 --> 00:20:14.710 align:middle line:84% I asked, wild-eyed, when she brought in a Sony Walkman-- 00:20:14.710 --> 00:20:19.470 align:middle line:84% mine-- with a snakeskin slipcover. 00:20:19.470 --> 00:20:21.690 align:middle line:84% You can run the gift shop, she said. 00:20:21.690 --> 00:20:23.490 align:middle line:84% You're wasting away out here, Chance, 00:20:23.490 --> 00:20:24.580 align:middle line:90% you've got to get a life. 00:20:24.580 --> 00:20:27.510 align:middle line:84% And since you won't I'm going to get you one. 00:20:27.510 --> 00:20:29.310 align:middle line:84% Then she slammed the screen door behind her 00:20:29.310 --> 00:20:31.980 align:middle line:84% as she set out for the evening kill. 00:20:31.980 --> 00:20:34.350 align:middle line:84% Fuck yes I was pissed, just because she 00:20:34.350 --> 00:20:36.840 align:middle line:84% was feeding me and loving me every once in a while which 00:20:36.840 --> 00:20:39.240 align:middle line:84% took less and less time lately, didn't 00:20:39.240 --> 00:20:41.130 align:middle line:84% mean she got to assign chores like I 00:20:41.130 --> 00:20:43.690 align:middle line:90% was some kind of hired hand. 00:20:43.690 --> 00:20:44.810 align:middle line:90% I brought in some money. 00:20:44.810 --> 00:20:47.410 align:middle line:84% My disability checks covered the bills. 00:20:47.410 --> 00:20:49.570 align:middle line:84% And now here's my Lila, my beauty [AUDIO OUT] 00:20:49.570 --> 00:20:52.240 align:middle line:84% haired Lila, armed to the teeth, an Amazon 00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:54.070 align:middle line:90% with a lot of hard miles on her. 00:20:54.070 --> 00:20:57.880 align:middle line:84% A woman with a mission which is not just snakes anymore, but me. 00:20:57.880 --> 00:20:59.170 align:middle line:90% A gift shop. 00:20:59.170 --> 00:21:03.250 align:middle line:84% 20 miles of bad washboard flash flooded open range road. 00:21:03.250 --> 00:21:06.070 align:middle line:90% Who does she think will find us? 00:21:06.070 --> 00:21:08.260 align:middle line:84% I'll take an ad out in Fort Worth, I said. 00:21:08.260 --> 00:21:10.090 align:middle line:90% Don't you dare, she said. 00:21:10.090 --> 00:21:11.620 align:middle line:84% Whoever finds us will feel they've 00:21:11.620 --> 00:21:13.390 align:middle line:90% discovered us all on their own. 00:21:13.390 --> 00:21:16.150 align:middle line:90% We'll be a well-kept secret. 00:21:16.150 --> 00:21:17.560 align:middle line:90% Like you discovered me? 00:21:17.560 --> 00:21:18.190 align:middle line:90% I asked. 00:21:18.190 --> 00:21:22.540 align:middle line:84% And then wondered if I was her secret and how well-kept I was. 00:21:22.540 --> 00:21:25.030 align:middle line:84% I didn't discover you, I found you. 00:21:25.030 --> 00:21:27.180 align:middle line:90% There's a difference. 00:21:27.180 --> 00:21:29.220 align:middle line:84% She left me sitting there, her spoken words 00:21:29.220 --> 00:21:33.150 align:middle line:84% like a wind stirring around found 00:21:33.150 --> 00:21:36.120 align:middle line:84% like something shiny picked up from the floor 00:21:36.120 --> 00:21:39.300 align:middle line:84% examined, deemed worthless, thrown down again. 00:21:39.300 --> 00:21:46.780 align:middle line:90% 00:21:46.780 --> 00:21:49.830 align:middle line:84% The days get purposeful and tiresome 00:21:49.830 --> 00:21:52.320 align:middle line:84% and I grow to hate the sound of the singer. 00:21:52.320 --> 00:21:55.170 align:middle line:84% It's the sound of my feet being hemmed up. 00:21:55.170 --> 00:21:57.990 align:middle line:84% I can't stand the thought of Lila's fingers on that skin, 00:21:57.990 --> 00:22:00.930 align:middle line:84% feeding it so patiently beneath the foot, the way 00:22:00.930 --> 00:22:03.900 align:middle line:84% the silver needle when she makes it go slow looks like it's 00:22:03.900 --> 00:22:06.030 align:middle line:90% bucking between her fingers. 00:22:06.030 --> 00:22:08.460 align:middle line:84% I start driving, it's come to this. 00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:10.590 align:middle line:84% I put the leg on so I can work the clutch, 00:22:10.590 --> 00:22:13.830 align:middle line:84% but I take it off as soon as I get in the door at home. 00:22:13.830 --> 00:22:16.020 align:middle line:84% On my first trip out, I drive all day 00:22:16.020 --> 00:22:18.570 align:middle line:84% and I wind up at the dump outside of Amarillo. 00:22:18.570 --> 00:22:20.370 align:middle line:84% Some of my best memories are the ones 00:22:20.370 --> 00:22:23.190 align:middle line:84% with my grandfather at the dump in St. George on Saturday 00:22:23.190 --> 00:22:25.440 align:middle line:84% mornings picking through all the stuff 00:22:25.440 --> 00:22:28.050 align:middle line:90% other people had no use for. 00:22:28.050 --> 00:22:30.210 align:middle line:84% My grandfather cleaned it all up and sold it 00:22:30.210 --> 00:22:31.770 align:middle line:90% at weekly yard sales. 00:22:31.770 --> 00:22:35.250 align:middle line:84% I made change for him and I felt proud to be trusted with money, 00:22:35.250 --> 00:22:38.110 align:middle line:90% be counted on to get it right. 00:22:38.110 --> 00:22:41.650 align:middle line:84% The first thing I find today is a bronze baby shoe, the left. 00:22:41.650 --> 00:22:44.800 align:middle line:84% One-- who would throw such a thing away? 00:22:44.800 --> 00:22:48.790 align:middle line:84% I put it in my pocket and no time I fill up both. 00:22:48.790 --> 00:22:52.990 align:middle line:84% A grenade of all things, harmless, unpinned, and an egg 00:22:52.990 --> 00:22:55.698 align:middle line:90% beater I saw blade marks. 00:22:55.698 --> 00:22:57.490 align:middle line:84% I have no idea what I'm going to do with it 00:22:57.490 --> 00:22:59.440 align:middle line:84% all, but I found these things and somehow I 00:22:59.440 --> 00:23:01.900 align:middle line:90% feel responsible to them. 00:23:01.900 --> 00:23:04.960 align:middle line:84% When I get home, I dump it all out on the ground. 00:23:04.960 --> 00:23:09.280 align:middle line:84% I stare at it for a while then I'm picking up the baby shoe. 00:23:09.280 --> 00:23:12.130 align:middle line:84% It weighs a lot for such a little thing and then I think 00:23:12.130 --> 00:23:14.080 align:middle line:90% when I put it on display... 00:23:14.080 --> 00:23:15.370 align:middle line:90% Screw the gift shop. 00:23:15.370 --> 00:23:17.080 align:middle line:90% I'm going to make a museum. 00:23:17.080 --> 00:23:19.030 align:middle line:84% And so I tie a string to it-- there's 00:23:19.030 --> 00:23:21.070 align:middle line:84% a ball of twine I found-- and the next thing 00:23:21.070 --> 00:23:23.800 align:middle line:84% you know I'm tying it to an old hitching post. 00:23:23.800 --> 00:23:26.800 align:middle line:84% It dangles and spins heavy in the breeze, 00:23:26.800 --> 00:23:28.840 align:middle line:84% then I hang the grenade next to it. 00:23:28.840 --> 00:23:31.960 align:middle line:84% Just because it's the next thing I grab unintentional, 00:23:31.960 --> 00:23:34.150 align:middle line:84% but like most amazing unrelated things 00:23:34.150 --> 00:23:35.930 align:middle line:84% there's a weird kind of sense to the two 00:23:35.930 --> 00:23:38.200 align:middle line:90% being next to one another. 00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:41.260 align:middle line:84% The wind shifts and pushes them together not too hard, 00:23:41.260 --> 00:23:43.450 align:middle line:90% they almost chime. 00:23:43.450 --> 00:23:44.830 align:middle line:84% I can't get the rest of the stuff 00:23:44.830 --> 00:23:46.780 align:middle line:84% up fast enough and in half an hour all 00:23:46.780 --> 00:23:49.450 align:middle line:84% these things are banging around clanking and tinking 00:23:49.450 --> 00:23:50.770 align:middle line:90% in the wind. 00:23:50.770 --> 00:23:53.710 align:middle line:84% Look, I said to Lila who's woken from her nap 00:23:53.710 --> 00:23:56.500 align:middle line:84% and is on her way out for the evening hunt. 00:23:56.500 --> 00:24:00.310 align:middle line:84% She stops, until he stops and even though she's well 00:24:00.310 --> 00:24:02.380 align:middle line:90% on her way she cocks her head. 00:24:02.380 --> 00:24:05.320 align:middle line:84% She looks and then she does something else. 00:24:05.320 --> 00:24:08.420 align:middle line:84% The slow smile slides across her face. 00:24:08.420 --> 00:24:09.220 align:middle line:90% Lila listens. 00:24:09.220 --> 00:24:12.010 align:middle line:90% 00:24:12.010 --> 00:24:15.370 align:middle line:84% Lila would be the last to admit that she's afraid of anything. 00:24:15.370 --> 00:24:17.410 align:middle line:84% She's certainly not afraid of snakes, 00:24:17.410 --> 00:24:20.440 align:middle line:84% but that's an unnatural kind of fearlessness 00:24:20.440 --> 00:24:23.470 align:middle line:84% fueled by the fact she's got something to prove. 00:24:23.470 --> 00:24:25.480 align:middle line:84% Her daddy did a lot more than spell her name 00:24:25.480 --> 00:24:26.950 align:middle line:90% wrong on a cheap medallion. 00:24:26.950 --> 00:24:30.370 align:middle line:84% He tried to defeat her every day of her life. 00:24:30.370 --> 00:24:32.050 align:middle line:84% She's got plenty of stories of how 00:24:32.050 --> 00:24:34.900 align:middle line:84% she'd drive him to all those roadhouses, 00:24:34.900 --> 00:24:37.600 align:middle line:84% hang around until he fell off the stage 00:24:37.600 --> 00:24:41.050 align:middle line:84% and then pour him into the car and drive him home again. 00:24:41.050 --> 00:24:44.470 align:middle line:84% She told me he was a genius of a liar, professed 00:24:44.470 --> 00:24:46.480 align:middle line:84% to be sticking to a two drink limit, 00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:50.050 align:middle line:84% but rigged up the washer fluid container in the car. 00:24:50.050 --> 00:24:52.780 align:middle line:84% Filled it with vodka, and ran the line through the dashboard 00:24:52.780 --> 00:24:54.760 align:middle line:84% and straight into a carton of orange juice 00:24:54.760 --> 00:24:57.010 align:middle line:84% he topped off every time they stopped for gas 00:24:57.010 --> 00:25:00.620 align:middle line:90% and he'd send her in to pay. 00:25:00.620 --> 00:25:02.620 align:middle line:84% That bitch, Lila said, was sitting there getting 00:25:02.620 --> 00:25:05.050 align:middle line:84% loaded thinking his higher power for showing him 00:25:05.050 --> 00:25:07.480 align:middle line:90% the alternate route to heaven. 00:25:07.480 --> 00:25:09.700 align:middle line:84% Things went from bad to worse until one day 00:25:09.700 --> 00:25:11.500 align:middle line:84% after not seeing him for two weeks, when 00:25:11.500 --> 00:25:13.330 align:middle line:84% she went to the rodeo in San Antone, 00:25:13.330 --> 00:25:16.780 align:middle line:84% she came home to find him on the couch in his boxer shorts. 00:25:16.780 --> 00:25:19.090 align:middle line:84% His bottles in the ashtray and the bedpan 00:25:19.090 --> 00:25:23.240 align:middle line:84% and the remote for the TV all within easy reach. 00:25:23.240 --> 00:25:25.640 align:middle line:84% That's when she put him in the hospital. 00:25:25.640 --> 00:25:29.255 align:middle line:84% All the way there he insisted he could stop drinking any time. 00:25:29.255 --> 00:25:31.310 align:middle line:84% If you can stop drinking for half an hour 00:25:31.310 --> 00:25:33.590 align:middle line:84% then I'll buy you a hat, she said. 00:25:33.590 --> 00:25:35.870 align:middle line:90% The ultimate Texas challenge. 00:25:35.870 --> 00:25:38.750 align:middle line:84% Well he didn't get a hat and she didn't save his life. 00:25:38.750 --> 00:25:42.590 align:middle line:84% And out of all that she ends up with me: more of the same. 00:25:42.590 --> 00:25:46.640 align:middle line:84% You want to see Lila scared, you want to see Lila cry? 00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:49.430 align:middle line:84% Just turn up the volume on Patsy Cline. 00:25:49.430 --> 00:25:52.220 align:middle line:84% I did just last night before I knew what it did to her. 00:25:52.220 --> 00:25:54.440 align:middle line:84% That it was Lloyd Stanley's favorite music 00:25:54.440 --> 00:25:58.280 align:middle line:84% and he'd play at full volume whenever he'd go on a bender. 00:25:58.280 --> 00:26:01.370 align:middle line:84% Lila screamed at me to shut it off and I waved her away. 00:26:01.370 --> 00:26:04.280 align:middle line:84% Crazy was and is my all time favorite in the world 00:26:04.280 --> 00:26:05.780 align:middle line:84% and I damn well was going to hear it 00:26:05.780 --> 00:26:07.697 align:middle line:84% all the way through at a volume through, which 00:26:07.697 --> 00:26:09.890 align:middle line:90% could be properly appreciated. 00:26:09.890 --> 00:26:12.620 align:middle line:84% But she went out the back door to the breaker box 00:26:12.620 --> 00:26:16.670 align:middle line:84% and just shut the whole house off with a yank of the switch. 00:26:16.670 --> 00:26:19.820 align:middle line:84% And I sat there in the dark mad as hell, 00:26:19.820 --> 00:26:23.600 align:middle line:84% then I heard a strange sound, a moaning like the dog 00:26:23.600 --> 00:26:25.250 align:middle line:90% had been shot. 00:26:25.250 --> 00:26:27.290 align:middle line:84% I crawled through the living room of my hands 00:26:27.290 --> 00:26:31.170 align:middle line:84% not bothering with a chair and out into the yard. 00:26:31.170 --> 00:26:33.980 align:middle line:84% It was the dog moaning, but it wasn't shot 00:26:33.980 --> 00:26:36.080 align:middle line:84% and there was Lila down on the ground punching 00:26:36.080 --> 00:26:39.140 align:middle line:84% the poor bastard and the dog beside itself with two 00:26:39.140 --> 00:26:41.300 align:middle line:84% different needs, cowering from the blows 00:26:41.300 --> 00:26:45.090 align:middle line:84% and trying to lick her face at the same time. 00:26:45.090 --> 00:26:48.150 align:middle line:84% We all ended up in a heap, Lila shaking and sobbing 00:26:48.150 --> 00:26:51.540 align:middle line:84% like her heart was cracking open which it truly was. 00:26:51.540 --> 00:26:53.130 align:middle line:84% An old break I guess like the way 00:26:53.130 --> 00:26:55.500 align:middle line:84% a bone heals when it's never set right. 00:26:55.500 --> 00:26:57.605 align:middle line:90% A weakness in the structure. 00:26:57.605 --> 00:26:59.730 align:middle line:84% And as I held her out there in the dirt of the yard 00:26:59.730 --> 00:27:02.280 align:middle line:84% I knew her heart would never open to me. 00:27:02.280 --> 00:27:04.500 align:middle line:84% It was crowded with a sorrow being cheated out 00:27:04.500 --> 00:27:06.570 align:middle line:90% of that first kind of love. 00:27:06.570 --> 00:27:08.970 align:middle line:84% It has to have to believe that there's more in the world 00:27:08.970 --> 00:27:11.370 align:middle line:84% and that they have a right to it. 00:27:11.370 --> 00:27:14.310 align:middle line:84% It made sense to me then why we were together. 00:27:14.310 --> 00:27:17.850 align:middle line:84% The wounded always find each other sooner or later; 00:27:17.850 --> 00:27:21.540 align:middle line:90% pain surely cleaves to pain. 00:27:21.540 --> 00:27:24.120 align:middle line:84% It was not so far a stretch to go from where we were 00:27:24.120 --> 00:27:25.740 align:middle line:90% to making love right there. 00:27:25.740 --> 00:27:27.480 align:middle line:84% You get inside a woman and you think 00:27:27.480 --> 00:27:30.030 align:middle line:84% you've finally gotten somewhere, but it just 00:27:30.030 --> 00:27:32.610 align:middle line:84% brings you close enough to feel the fence, to know there's 00:27:32.610 --> 00:27:35.410 align:middle line:90% no way to get there from here. 00:27:35.410 --> 00:27:38.920 align:middle line:84% Lila wouldn't even look at me during or after. 00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:40.840 align:middle line:84% It was like I'd already seen too much, 00:27:40.840 --> 00:27:43.240 align:middle line:84% but she was the one who turned away. 00:27:43.240 --> 00:27:45.910 align:middle line:84% I clung to her like a person falling to keep her 00:27:45.910 --> 00:27:47.620 align:middle line:90% there just a little longer. 00:27:47.620 --> 00:27:50.260 align:middle line:84% I fell a space open up beneath us as if the earth 00:27:50.260 --> 00:27:52.588 align:middle line:90% itself was heaving open. 00:27:52.588 --> 00:27:54.130 align:middle line:84% I thought about the fact that we were 00:27:54.130 --> 00:27:55.630 align:middle line:84% stupid to be lying on the ground, 00:27:55.630 --> 00:27:58.180 align:middle line:84% the snakes were out at that time of the evening. 00:27:58.180 --> 00:28:00.970 align:middle line:84% But it wasn't the snakes that were the danger right then, 00:28:00.970 --> 00:28:04.120 align:middle line:84% it was love and what it wanted of you. 00:28:04.120 --> 00:28:06.910 align:middle line:84% The whole huge pressure and the promise of it and the 00:28:06.910 --> 00:28:08.980 align:middle line:84% fear that when it finally comes to you, 00:28:08.980 --> 00:28:13.080 align:middle line:84% it'll be able to find a big enough place in you to breathe. 00:28:13.080 --> 00:28:14.610 align:middle line:84% We laid there in the dirt looking up 00:28:14.610 --> 00:28:17.430 align:middle line:90% at the sky at separate stars. 00:28:17.430 --> 00:28:20.970 align:middle line:84% It seemed only the scattershot ones were overhead right then, 00:28:20.970 --> 00:28:23.010 align:middle line:84% not the ones that added up to something, 00:28:23.010 --> 00:28:28.880 align:middle line:84% but the extras not needed for dippers, bears and kings. 00:28:28.880 --> 00:28:32.600 align:middle line:84% The days are shorter now; water runs cool in the pipes. 00:28:32.600 --> 00:28:36.290 align:middle line:84% These are the things you measure the turn of a season by here. 00:28:36.290 --> 00:28:38.270 align:middle line:90% Never mind the calendar. 00:28:38.270 --> 00:28:40.490 align:middle line:84% Lila has been going out every evening determined 00:28:40.490 --> 00:28:42.620 align:middle line:84% to get as many snakes as she can before they 00:28:42.620 --> 00:28:44.720 align:middle line:90% go to ground for the winter. 00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:47.270 align:middle line:84% The gift shop is stuffed with useless crap 00:28:47.270 --> 00:28:50.810 align:middle line:84% and the great hordes come, maybe one or two people a week. 00:28:50.810 --> 00:28:53.090 align:middle line:84% And my museum which began as a kind of fence 00:28:53.090 --> 00:28:55.250 align:middle line:84% for the parking lot is spilled across the road 00:28:55.250 --> 00:28:57.770 align:middle line:84% like it has a mind of its own and is heading on out of here 00:28:57.770 --> 00:29:00.590 align:middle line:90% and shown me the way. 00:29:00.590 --> 00:29:04.320 align:middle line:84% Yesterday I found a pair of crutches and I hung those up. 00:29:04.320 --> 00:29:07.050 align:middle line:84% I also found a slew of old knives. 00:29:07.050 --> 00:29:09.510 align:middle line:84% It's an odd accumulation blowing around and hardly 00:29:09.510 --> 00:29:12.150 align:middle line:84% anybody to see or hear at except Lila and me. 00:29:12.150 --> 00:29:15.510 align:middle line:84% She says she likes it that it's wild noise that I've 00:29:15.510 --> 00:29:18.120 align:middle line:90% given a wind the sound. 00:29:18.120 --> 00:29:19.980 align:middle line:84% But days like this when the wind is up 00:29:19.980 --> 00:29:23.130 align:middle line:84% and she's in the house sleeping, I wheel myself up and down 00:29:23.130 --> 00:29:24.130 align:middle line:90% the rows of things. 00:29:24.130 --> 00:29:26.160 align:middle line:84% And it sounds to me like a music coming 00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:29.430 align:middle line:84% from a strange world I should know better than to set foot in. 00:29:29.430 --> 00:29:32.220 align:middle line:84% And I can only think that now the wind to want something 00:29:32.220 --> 00:29:34.330 align:middle line:90% from me. 00:29:34.330 --> 00:29:35.940 align:middle line:84% The day it brought the final thing 00:29:35.940 --> 00:29:40.650 align:middle line:84% to hang in the museum, my leg, it's the perfect place for it 00:29:40.650 --> 00:29:44.350 align:middle line:84% right next to a blade from a circular saw. 00:29:44.350 --> 00:29:46.080 align:middle line:84% And when I finish hanging it I sit back 00:29:46.080 --> 00:29:48.660 align:middle line:90% to admire the juxtaposition. 00:29:48.660 --> 00:29:50.490 align:middle line:84% I got a bottle of single malt scotch 00:29:50.490 --> 00:29:52.980 align:middle line:84% I've been saving hid inside a broke guitar 00:29:52.980 --> 00:29:56.790 align:middle line:84% and I drank quite a bit of it though I came for just a taste. 00:29:56.790 --> 00:29:58.890 align:middle line:90% I had meant to make it last. 00:29:58.890 --> 00:30:00.930 align:middle line:84% I get more reflective than is good for me 00:30:00.930 --> 00:30:03.780 align:middle line:84% and I want more than I can hope in this world to have. 00:30:03.780 --> 00:30:06.750 align:middle line:84% My leg back, my woman sweet on me again, 00:30:06.750 --> 00:30:09.720 align:middle line:84% for my momma to tell my future one more time. 00:30:09.720 --> 00:30:13.730 align:middle line:84% Surely, my life won't completely turn on me. 00:30:13.730 --> 00:30:15.890 align:middle line:84% And watch a puff of dust rising that can only 00:30:15.890 --> 00:30:17.810 align:middle line:90% mean a car coming fast. 00:30:17.810 --> 00:30:20.750 align:middle line:84% Who can this be on a Tuesday afternoon? 00:30:20.750 --> 00:30:24.380 align:middle line:84% If anybody shows up it's usually on the weekend. 00:30:24.380 --> 00:30:26.390 align:middle line:84% An old green and white Buick Roadmaster 00:30:26.390 --> 00:30:28.010 align:middle line:90% slowly comes into view. 00:30:28.010 --> 00:30:30.750 align:middle line:84% It just seems slow actually because when it comes closer, 00:30:30.750 --> 00:30:33.290 align:middle line:84% I can see the thing bucking through the potholes. 00:30:33.290 --> 00:30:36.170 align:middle line:84% A great wall of churned dust behind. 00:30:36.170 --> 00:30:38.810 align:middle line:84% It roars past and skids to a halt. 00:30:38.810 --> 00:30:42.050 align:middle line:84% I hear it clunk into reverse and it backs up fishtailing 00:30:42.050 --> 00:30:43.730 align:middle line:90% until it's even with me. 00:30:43.730 --> 00:30:48.230 align:middle line:84% The motor shuts down, but takes a long time to stop it easily. 00:30:48.230 --> 00:30:50.870 align:middle line:84% A man the size of Orson Welles in his later years 00:30:50.870 --> 00:30:52.910 align:middle line:90% heaves himself out. 00:30:52.910 --> 00:30:55.190 align:middle line:84% He squints at me, but doesn't say anything. 00:30:55.190 --> 00:30:58.280 align:middle line:84% He's got a bolo tie on it with the biggest scorpion in amber 00:30:58.280 --> 00:30:59.690 align:middle line:90% I've ever seen. 00:30:59.690 --> 00:31:01.640 align:middle line:84% He fishes in his pocket for something 00:31:01.640 --> 00:31:04.850 align:middle line:84% and takes out a roll of butterscotch lifesavers. 00:31:04.850 --> 00:31:08.690 align:middle line:84% He peels back the paper enough to get four of them out at once. 00:31:08.690 --> 00:31:10.490 align:middle line:84% And the rind of paper flaps in the wind 00:31:10.490 --> 00:31:12.680 align:middle line:90% like a little white flag. 00:31:12.680 --> 00:31:15.470 align:middle line:84% He pops them in his mouth and then looks around. 00:31:15.470 --> 00:31:17.930 align:middle line:84% What the hell is all these? he finally asks 00:31:17.930 --> 00:31:21.200 align:middle line:84% after a decent interval of trying to figure it out. 00:31:21.200 --> 00:31:23.420 align:middle line:90% Museum, I say. 00:31:23.420 --> 00:31:24.980 align:middle line:90% Is it for sale? 00:31:24.980 --> 00:31:27.050 align:middle line:84% He peels back another mess of lifesavers 00:31:27.050 --> 00:31:29.300 align:middle line:90% and finishes the roll. 00:31:29.300 --> 00:31:31.550 align:middle line:90% For sale. 00:31:31.550 --> 00:31:33.080 align:middle line:90% How much? he asks. 00:31:33.080 --> 00:31:34.970 align:middle line:90% It's not, I say. 00:31:34.970 --> 00:31:37.010 align:middle line:84% He shrugs and studies it some more. 00:31:37.010 --> 00:31:40.160 align:middle line:90% What's it for? 00:31:40.160 --> 00:31:42.860 align:middle line:90% Satisfaction, I say. 00:31:42.860 --> 00:31:45.170 align:middle line:84% Surprised at the word that's come. 00:31:45.170 --> 00:31:49.520 align:middle line:84% Studies me now: you hardly look satisfied. 00:31:49.520 --> 00:31:51.860 align:middle line:84% Not done with it yet, I say, annoyed 00:31:51.860 --> 00:31:54.200 align:middle line:90% that I have to defend it. 00:31:54.200 --> 00:31:56.450 align:middle line:84% He nods toward the gift shop then looks back down 00:31:56.450 --> 00:31:59.150 align:middle line:84% the road wide and empty as a runway. 00:31:59.150 --> 00:32:04.640 align:middle line:84% Busy this time of year isn't it, Christmas and all. 00:32:04.640 --> 00:32:05.450 align:middle line:90% What do you want? 00:32:05.450 --> 00:32:08.000 align:middle line:84% I ask, gripping the wheels of my chair 00:32:08.000 --> 00:32:10.100 align:middle line:84% hard and rearing it up a little which 00:32:10.100 --> 00:32:12.830 align:middle line:84% must look about as ridiculous as a cat puffing up 00:32:12.830 --> 00:32:15.470 align:middle line:90% in front of his Saint Bernard. 00:32:15.470 --> 00:32:17.480 align:middle line:84% I want to see the Snake Woman, he says. 00:32:17.480 --> 00:32:20.870 align:middle line:84% I come to do business with her not you. 00:32:20.870 --> 00:32:22.520 align:middle line:90% Here I lie. 00:32:22.520 --> 00:32:25.130 align:middle line:90% You her trainer, her keeper? 00:32:25.130 --> 00:32:29.030 align:middle line:84% He stares poignantly at my empty pants leg flapping in the wind. 00:32:29.030 --> 00:32:31.460 align:middle line:90% You get bitter or what? 00:32:31.460 --> 00:32:35.150 align:middle line:84% I wish I had Lila's gun, I might be just drunk enough to use it. 00:32:35.150 --> 00:32:38.210 align:middle line:84% I'd bury him in his car and hang his bolo tie in the museum. 00:32:38.210 --> 00:32:42.470 align:middle line:90% 00:32:42.470 --> 00:32:44.990 align:middle line:84% I hear the screen door slam and my heart drops. 00:32:44.990 --> 00:32:47.360 align:middle line:84% It's Lila and she's coming right this way. 00:32:47.360 --> 00:32:49.820 align:middle line:84% She's got her rifle ready to hunt. 00:32:49.820 --> 00:32:52.040 align:middle line:90% She might shoot you, I say. 00:32:52.040 --> 00:32:53.360 align:middle line:90% He just laughs. 00:32:53.360 --> 00:32:56.510 align:middle line:84% Could think of worse ways to go, he says. 00:32:56.510 --> 00:32:58.550 align:middle line:84% And she walks over to us and sizes up 00:32:58.550 --> 00:33:00.530 align:middle line:90% the man which takes some time. 00:33:00.530 --> 00:33:02.810 align:middle line:84% She's at least as tall as him and suddenly I 00:33:02.810 --> 00:33:03.890 align:middle line:90% wish I had my legs. 00:33:03.890 --> 00:33:06.440 align:middle line:84% So I wouldn't be down here at knee level like a kid at a 00:33:06.440 --> 00:33:08.757 align:middle line:90% grown up party. 00:33:08.757 --> 00:33:10.340 align:middle line:84% Are you the one that called yesterday? 00:33:10.340 --> 00:33:11.780 align:middle line:90% She asked him. 00:33:11.780 --> 00:33:14.510 align:middle line:90% Roy Dix, yes ma'am the same. 00:33:14.510 --> 00:33:16.880 align:middle line:84% Hang on a minute, I'll be right back. 00:33:16.880 --> 00:33:20.150 align:middle line:84% She ducks inside the gift shop and for one crazy minute, 00:33:20.150 --> 00:33:22.353 align:middle line:84% I'm sure that she's about to sell my soul, 00:33:22.353 --> 00:33:24.770 align:middle line:84% that she's taken [AUDIO OUT] isn't looking in she's got it 00:33:24.770 --> 00:33:27.920 align:middle line:84% in there along with the snake ties and the knickknack trash. 00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:29.690 align:middle line:90% And I feel the old panic hit me. 00:33:29.690 --> 00:33:30.920 align:middle line:90% I can't breathe. 00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:32.240 align:middle line:90% I sweat like a pig. 00:33:32.240 --> 00:33:34.220 align:middle line:90% I hardly know where I am. 00:33:34.220 --> 00:33:36.350 align:middle line:84% It's all I can do to turn my head to look at her 00:33:36.350 --> 00:33:38.150 align:middle line:84% and she's coming out the door, she's 00:33:38.150 --> 00:33:41.510 align:middle line:84% got a bottle in her hand full of milky liquid. 00:33:41.510 --> 00:33:43.940 align:middle line:84% Roy Dix looks at me and laughs an evil laugh 00:33:43.940 --> 00:33:45.830 align:middle line:90% as he takes the bottle from her. 00:33:45.830 --> 00:33:48.350 align:middle line:90% He hands her two $50 bills. 00:33:48.350 --> 00:33:50.510 align:middle line:84% My right mind leaves me all together. 00:33:50.510 --> 00:33:51.750 align:middle line:90% What the hell is that? 00:33:51.750 --> 00:33:53.000 align:middle line:90% I cry. 00:33:53.000 --> 00:33:55.190 align:middle line:90% It's the cure, he says. 00:33:55.190 --> 00:33:57.620 align:middle line:90% You look like you could use one. 00:33:57.620 --> 00:34:01.700 align:middle line:84% He turns to Lila again, so how do you milk them? 00:34:01.700 --> 00:34:04.280 align:middle line:84% It's a little tricky, but not particularly hard. 00:34:04.280 --> 00:34:06.410 align:middle line:84% You get a jar and you clamp them onto it 00:34:06.410 --> 00:34:08.721 align:middle line:84% so their jaws are spread, you press little 00:34:08.721 --> 00:34:10.429 align:middle line:84% on the sides of their heads and they just 00:34:10.429 --> 00:34:12.230 align:middle line:90% shoot it right in there. 00:34:12.230 --> 00:34:15.365 align:middle line:84% Snake spit, God damn, he says shaking his head. 00:34:15.365 --> 00:34:19.219 align:middle line:84% I never thought I'd be saved by one of Lucifer's friends. 00:34:19.219 --> 00:34:23.489 align:middle line:84% Lupus, your days are numbered, he says, pounding on his chest. 00:34:23.489 --> 00:34:26.360 align:middle line:84% He holds up the bottle and shakes it a little at me. 00:34:26.360 --> 00:34:29.630 align:middle line:84% Just take a second look at nature, it's only right. 00:34:29.630 --> 00:34:31.400 align:middle line:84% For a second he looks like some worked up 00:34:31.400 --> 00:34:33.949 align:middle line:84% preacher about to take up serpents himself, 00:34:33.949 --> 00:34:37.010 align:middle line:84% but his eyes when the next glance at me then cut away well, 00:34:37.010 --> 00:34:39.530 align:middle line:84% they are the eyes of a large and fearful man 00:34:39.530 --> 00:34:41.449 align:middle line:90% who has tried everything. 00:34:41.449 --> 00:34:45.530 align:middle line:84% Whose life has come down to one small long shot thing. 00:34:45.530 --> 00:34:48.380 align:middle line:84% His hugeness, which at first looks so menacing, 00:34:48.380 --> 00:34:50.659 align:middle line:84% now seems only the weight of an extra person 00:34:50.659 --> 00:34:53.889 align:middle line:90% inside him wanting out. 00:34:53.889 --> 00:34:55.810 align:middle line:84% He climbs slowly back in his car, 00:34:55.810 --> 00:34:58.480 align:middle line:84% parking himself in behind the steering wheel. 00:34:58.480 --> 00:34:59.830 align:middle line:90% Thanks Lila. 00:34:59.830 --> 00:35:02.140 align:middle line:84% He starts up the car and a great blue cloud 00:35:02.140 --> 00:35:04.330 align:middle line:90% of smoke coughs from the pipe. 00:35:04.330 --> 00:35:06.055 align:middle line:90% He leans out the window. 00:35:06.055 --> 00:35:09.010 align:middle line:84% If you decide to sell you'll let me know. 00:35:09.010 --> 00:35:12.490 align:middle line:90% Folk art, it's all the rage. 00:35:12.490 --> 00:35:14.050 align:middle line:90% Who knows, who the hell knows? 00:35:14.050 --> 00:35:15.220 align:middle line:90% Lila says. 00:35:15.220 --> 00:35:17.350 align:middle line:84% I don't know whether she's referring to folk art 00:35:17.350 --> 00:35:19.480 align:middle line:84% or what's all the rage or the idea of a cure 00:35:19.480 --> 00:35:21.640 align:middle line:90% and what can also kill you. 00:35:21.640 --> 00:35:23.260 align:middle line:84% She looks out over the museum and I 00:35:23.260 --> 00:35:25.930 align:middle line:84% watch her do a slow double take on the leg twirling 00:35:25.930 --> 00:35:28.000 align:middle line:84% there next to the circular saw blade, which 00:35:28.000 --> 00:35:31.180 align:middle line:90% clanks its steel teeth calf. 00:35:31.180 --> 00:35:35.230 align:middle line:84% You got a mean sense of humor, sweetheart, she says. 00:35:35.230 --> 00:35:37.270 align:middle line:84% I'm starting to feel real sorry for you 00:35:37.270 --> 00:35:41.020 align:middle line:84% and that's a deadly final thing to be feeling for a man. 00:35:41.020 --> 00:35:42.430 align:middle line:90% It's a lot worse than being mad. 00:35:42.430 --> 00:35:45.000 align:middle line:90% 00:35:45.000 --> 00:35:46.770 align:middle line:84% Last word, Lila turns on her heel 00:35:46.770 --> 00:35:48.960 align:middle line:84% and goes leaving me with my leg twirling 00:35:48.960 --> 00:35:51.210 align:middle line:84% on the line pink and naked and almost red 00:35:51.210 --> 00:35:53.010 align:middle line:90% now in the fading light. 00:35:53.010 --> 00:35:55.110 align:middle line:90% I still can hardly breathe. 00:35:55.110 --> 00:35:58.290 align:middle line:84% And the white rat that lives inside the crawlspace in my head 00:35:58.290 --> 00:36:01.170 align:middle line:84% nibbles on a little more of my nerves. 00:36:01.170 --> 00:36:03.060 align:middle line:84% Any day now there'll be this white rat 00:36:03.060 --> 00:36:04.740 align:middle line:84% in an empty black hole of thought, 00:36:04.740 --> 00:36:07.350 align:middle line:84% while the little memory cells short out. 00:36:07.350 --> 00:36:10.080 align:middle line:84% The full colored pictures, the ghastly green 00:36:10.080 --> 00:36:12.630 align:middle line:84% of Nam, the glory gold of Utah, the blue building 00:36:12.630 --> 00:36:15.420 align:middle line:84% I wanted to buy to open up a junk shop of my own. 00:36:15.420 --> 00:36:17.970 align:middle line:84% And the red blood coming from my own blown apart knee 00:36:17.970 --> 00:36:19.800 align:middle line:84% with a bullet meant for my heart. 00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:22.200 align:middle line:84% One little jerk of the hand at the last second, 00:36:22.200 --> 00:36:24.150 align:middle line:90% I couldn't even do that right. 00:36:24.150 --> 00:36:27.480 align:middle line:84% And finally this, Lila's face when she first 00:36:27.480 --> 00:36:29.640 align:middle line:84% got a close look at the stump, just 00:36:29.640 --> 00:36:32.160 align:middle line:84% after love, the look of a woman [AUDIO OUT] 00:36:32.160 --> 00:36:33.900 align:middle line:90% and trying not to show it. 00:36:33.900 --> 00:36:37.620 align:middle line:84% And then that other final look of heartbreak, resignation. 00:36:37.620 --> 00:36:41.970 align:middle line:84% The look of a beautiful woman once again settling for less. 00:36:41.970 --> 00:36:44.640 align:middle line:84% And somehow in there, there's useless Alexander 00:36:44.640 --> 00:36:47.310 align:middle line:84% who will by God any day now live down his name. 00:36:47.310 --> 00:36:49.900 align:middle line:90% 00:36:49.900 --> 00:36:52.210 align:middle line:84% There's a hurry in most of what I do anymore. 00:36:52.210 --> 00:36:55.030 align:middle line:84% The days are shorter than ever, the darkest thing with boots 00:36:55.030 --> 00:36:57.070 align:middle line:90% on walking right this way. 00:36:57.070 --> 00:37:00.130 align:middle line:84% It throws its shadow around like a man you owe money to and can't 00:37:00.130 --> 00:37:02.390 align:middle line:90% ever hope to pay. 00:37:02.390 --> 00:37:05.070 align:middle line:84% And the pills aren't working as good as they used to, 00:37:05.070 --> 00:37:08.690 align:middle line:84% takes half a bottle of single malt to steady my hand. 00:37:08.690 --> 00:37:10.650 align:middle line:84% Lila hunts further and further away, 00:37:10.650 --> 00:37:12.620 align:middle line:90% not coming home until dawn. 00:37:12.620 --> 00:37:15.530 align:middle line:84% The snakes are few and far between. 00:37:15.530 --> 00:37:19.160 align:middle line:84% It's like we take turns with the bed, it's a lonely place 00:37:19.160 --> 00:37:22.220 align:middle line:84% and I take my pleasure whatever way I can, 00:37:22.220 --> 00:37:25.610 align:middle line:84% but it's about as satisfying as milking a cow. 00:37:25.610 --> 00:37:29.540 align:middle line:84% Tonight, the worst part is I actually cry when it's over. 00:37:29.540 --> 00:37:32.900 align:middle line:84% The house is empty and listening in to a man in pain. 00:37:32.900 --> 00:37:35.520 align:middle line:84% And I imagine it's not sympathetic. 00:37:35.520 --> 00:37:37.700 align:middle line:84% I think I hear a sound outside the window, 00:37:37.700 --> 00:37:40.460 align:middle line:84% it can only be Lloyd Stanley peering through the window 00:37:40.460 --> 00:37:44.460 align:middle line:84% and laughing at what has wound up in his daughter's bed. 00:37:44.460 --> 00:37:47.400 align:middle line:84% And right then Lila comes back in the back door. 00:37:47.400 --> 00:37:51.510 align:middle line:84% She's early, cupboards bang and drawers screech and shut. 00:37:51.510 --> 00:37:54.420 align:middle line:84% She must have found the Scotch in the sack of beans. 00:37:54.420 --> 00:37:56.670 align:middle line:84% I hear the glass filling, the squeak 00:37:56.670 --> 00:37:59.040 align:middle line:90% of a chair she settles into it. 00:37:59.040 --> 00:38:00.727 align:middle line:90% Lila never drinks. 00:38:00.727 --> 00:38:02.310 align:middle line:84% I'm about to go in there to see what's 00:38:02.310 --> 00:38:05.280 align:middle line:84% wrong when I see her move like a thing through water. 00:38:05.280 --> 00:38:08.580 align:middle line:84% A dreamy sway slowly filling in the bedroom doorway. 00:38:08.580 --> 00:38:10.990 align:middle line:90% Silence buzzes in the room. 00:38:10.990 --> 00:38:12.390 align:middle line:90% I don't know what she wants. 00:38:12.390 --> 00:38:16.270 align:middle line:84% She hasn't wanted anything in such a long time. 00:38:16.270 --> 00:38:19.100 align:middle line:90% Alexander, she whispers. 00:38:19.100 --> 00:38:20.720 align:middle line:90% I don't know how to answer. 00:38:20.720 --> 00:38:22.910 align:middle line:84% My heart stolen out of my chest and the thought 00:38:22.910 --> 00:38:25.880 align:middle line:84% finally comes clear to me that's been months of arriving. 00:38:25.880 --> 00:38:28.310 align:middle line:90% I am afraid of her now. 00:38:28.310 --> 00:38:31.100 align:middle line:84% Haven't I made myself a slow moving target? 00:38:31.100 --> 00:38:34.770 align:middle line:84% She could turn her snake gun on me and finish the job. 00:38:34.770 --> 00:38:37.570 align:middle line:84% Is there any part of me that might be grateful? 00:38:37.570 --> 00:38:39.320 align:middle line:84% It's the one listening outside the window, 00:38:39.320 --> 00:38:42.140 align:middle line:84% I'm sure of it, which makes her the only person in the world 00:38:42.140 --> 00:38:44.270 align:middle line:90% that's ever heard me cry. 00:38:44.270 --> 00:38:46.940 align:middle line:84% Women think they want a man's tears until they actually 00:38:46.940 --> 00:38:48.200 align:middle line:90% see them. 00:38:48.200 --> 00:38:50.900 align:middle line:84% And then they have to rearrange the face before them. 00:38:50.900 --> 00:38:53.000 align:middle line:84% Take it down from High Plains Drifter 00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:55.800 align:middle line:90% to lonely shriveled child. 00:38:55.800 --> 00:38:58.290 align:middle line:84% Alexander, she says a little louder. 00:38:58.290 --> 00:39:01.470 align:middle line:84% She waits and I don't dare breathe. 00:39:01.470 --> 00:39:05.880 align:middle line:84% She sighs, it's a sad sound, not a mean one. 00:39:05.880 --> 00:39:07.830 align:middle line:84% The stinging scent of burnt gunpowder 00:39:07.830 --> 00:39:10.560 align:middle line:84% drifts off her like a dangerous perfume. 00:39:10.560 --> 00:39:12.930 align:middle line:90% Her boots creak as she turns. 00:39:12.930 --> 00:39:15.210 align:middle line:84% I could stop her with a word, but right now I 00:39:15.210 --> 00:39:18.000 align:middle line:90% can't even say her name. 00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:20.670 align:middle line:84% From the window I see the spike of light from her flashlight 00:39:20.670 --> 00:39:23.520 align:middle line:84% as she makes her way toward the rocky hills. 00:39:23.520 --> 00:39:26.400 align:middle line:84% I haul myself into my chair and roll down the porch ramp 00:39:26.400 --> 00:39:28.440 align:middle line:90% she built the day I got here. 00:39:28.440 --> 00:39:29.910 align:middle line:84% I wheel down the rows of the museum 00:39:29.910 --> 00:39:32.450 align:middle line:90% and cut my leg off the line. 00:39:32.450 --> 00:39:34.430 align:middle line:84% It falls with the plastic thud on the ground 00:39:34.430 --> 00:39:38.930 align:middle line:84% and it looks like a doll part, magnified and strange. 00:39:38.930 --> 00:39:40.460 align:middle line:90% I can still see the flashlight. 00:39:40.460 --> 00:39:42.170 align:middle line:84% She's low searching now and I've maybe 00:39:42.170 --> 00:39:44.090 align:middle line:90% got a chance of catching up. 00:39:44.090 --> 00:39:46.250 align:middle line:84% All I know is I have to follow her. 00:39:46.250 --> 00:39:50.120 align:middle line:84% She's at the end of her tether, I can feel the fray from here. 00:39:50.120 --> 00:39:51.710 align:middle line:90% The moon is going down now. 00:39:51.710 --> 00:39:55.010 align:middle line:84% It's dropping fast in the dark crawls across the bajada, 00:39:55.010 --> 00:39:58.460 align:middle line:84% chasing the last edge of moonlight east. 00:39:58.460 --> 00:40:00.620 align:middle line:84% I follow her jerky as a puppet at first 00:40:00.620 --> 00:40:03.140 align:middle line:84% and finally I get the hang of it, but the ground is rough 00:40:03.140 --> 00:40:05.270 align:middle line:90% and it's slow going. 00:40:05.270 --> 00:40:07.640 align:middle line:84% At least she's not stalking straight out and purposeful 00:40:07.640 --> 00:40:09.410 align:middle line:90% like she usually does. 00:40:09.410 --> 00:40:12.620 align:middle line:90% Lila is wandering tonight. 00:40:12.620 --> 00:40:15.080 align:middle line:84% How much can about a woman in less than a year 00:40:15.080 --> 00:40:18.620 align:middle line:84% except to feel the emptiness of any room she lives? 00:40:18.620 --> 00:40:20.810 align:middle line:84% Is it enough time to know that she can keep 00:40:20.810 --> 00:40:23.000 align:middle line:90% a secret if you give her one? 00:40:23.000 --> 00:40:26.480 align:middle line:84% Or that she'd risk her life for yours if there came a time? 00:40:26.480 --> 00:40:29.300 align:middle line:90% Can you say you'd do the same? 00:40:29.300 --> 00:40:31.670 align:middle line:84% Whatever love we'd once put in each other had run out 00:40:31.670 --> 00:40:33.770 align:middle line:90% like water down a drain. 00:40:33.770 --> 00:40:36.260 align:middle line:84% I gave her my need, the only thing about myself 00:40:36.260 --> 00:40:38.330 align:middle line:90% I knew would last forever. 00:40:38.330 --> 00:40:41.030 align:middle line:84% And what had she done about it except set it aside 00:40:41.030 --> 00:40:44.030 align:middle line:84% as if it did nothing would call up her own. 00:40:44.030 --> 00:40:45.740 align:middle line:84% I follow her light up a long hill 00:40:45.740 --> 00:40:47.780 align:middle line:84% and when she disappears between some boulders. 00:40:47.780 --> 00:40:50.000 align:middle line:84% I think as I'm alone there in the dark 00:40:50.000 --> 00:40:53.480 align:middle line:84% that this is a picture of how it will be when she's gone forever. 00:40:53.480 --> 00:40:56.390 align:middle line:84% Me stumbling toward the afterglow of her, 00:40:56.390 --> 00:40:59.930 align:middle line:84% a disappearing trail of light where she's last been. 00:40:59.930 --> 00:41:01.160 align:middle line:90% Lila, I call out. 00:41:01.160 --> 00:41:03.440 align:middle line:84% Needing to hear her voice coming back. 00:41:03.440 --> 00:41:06.140 align:middle line:84% She hiding now, keeping quiet laughing 00:41:06.140 --> 00:41:09.610 align:middle line:84% to see how I'm trying to come to her? 00:41:09.610 --> 00:41:11.800 align:middle line:84% When I finally clear the rise I see her light. 00:41:11.800 --> 00:41:13.990 align:middle line:84% It's not moving, but lying on the ground. 00:41:13.990 --> 00:41:15.880 align:middle line:84% Fanning out through scrub and rock 00:41:15.880 --> 00:41:18.220 align:middle line:84% and the hunched form of Lila crouched upon the ground 00:41:18.220 --> 00:41:21.160 align:middle line:90% like a creature about to leap. 00:41:21.160 --> 00:41:23.590 align:middle line:84% The light catches what's just beyond her. 00:41:23.590 --> 00:41:25.090 align:middle line:90% Green. 00:41:25.090 --> 00:41:28.120 align:middle line:84% A section of coil thick as my arm. 00:41:28.120 --> 00:41:32.080 align:middle line:84% I know by the color it's a Mojave rattler, the worst kind. 00:41:32.080 --> 00:41:35.980 align:middle line:84% As far as venom goes, maybe the best kind as far as Roy Dix 00:41:35.980 --> 00:41:37.750 align:middle line:90% is concerned. 00:41:37.750 --> 00:41:41.830 align:middle line:84% A fierce buzz emanates from its tail while it doesn't move. 00:41:41.830 --> 00:41:43.750 align:middle line:84% She and the snake stare at each other 00:41:43.750 --> 00:41:45.970 align:middle line:90% from a distance of two feet. 00:41:45.970 --> 00:41:48.670 align:middle line:84% [AUDIO OUT] distance for what looks to be at least a five foot 00:41:48.670 --> 00:41:50.020 align:middle line:90% length. 00:41:50.020 --> 00:41:52.060 align:middle line:90% Don't move, I whisper. 00:41:52.060 --> 00:41:54.730 align:middle line:84% She's inching forward on her hands and knees 00:41:54.730 --> 00:41:56.680 align:middle line:84% and the snake only draws its head back 00:41:56.680 --> 00:41:58.960 align:middle line:84% a little as if it's having second thoughts about what 00:41:58.960 --> 00:41:59.950 align:middle line:90% to do. 00:41:59.950 --> 00:42:03.250 align:middle line:84% As if it's curious more than anything or farsighted, 00:42:03.250 --> 00:42:05.350 align:middle line:90% needing just to see her better. 00:42:05.350 --> 00:42:09.190 align:middle line:84% She inches even closer and the snake holds its ground. 00:42:09.190 --> 00:42:12.370 align:middle line:84% They can't be more than a foot apart now. 00:42:12.370 --> 00:42:13.120 align:middle line:90% There it is. 00:42:13.120 --> 00:42:15.890 align:middle line:84% The face she's hunted all along and shot from a distance. 00:42:15.890 --> 00:42:17.860 align:middle line:90% Now as close as a kiss. 00:42:17.860 --> 00:42:19.600 align:middle line:90% She's daring it to strike her. 00:42:19.600 --> 00:42:22.780 align:middle line:84% Or is it playing with her and taunting her closer? 00:42:22.780 --> 00:42:26.710 align:middle line:84% For a moment I actually believe Lila has managed to hypnotize it 00:42:26.710 --> 00:42:28.780 align:middle line:84% and maybe all along she's been working up 00:42:28.780 --> 00:42:34.110 align:middle line:84% to this, to take it up in her bare hands once and for all. 00:42:34.110 --> 00:42:36.360 align:middle line:84% Lila's mouth is moving, I can't hear words, 00:42:36.360 --> 00:42:39.150 align:middle line:90% but I know she's singing. 00:42:39.150 --> 00:42:41.010 align:middle line:90% It's not exactly pretty. 00:42:41.010 --> 00:42:44.860 align:middle line:84% It's more like eerie crying or a high pitched prayer. 00:42:44.860 --> 00:42:47.580 align:middle line:84% There's a spirit moving on her, into her, 00:42:47.580 --> 00:42:49.830 align:middle line:84% and the snake is surely listening. 00:42:49.830 --> 00:42:53.310 align:middle line:84% What is going to happen when she reaches the end of the song? 00:42:53.310 --> 00:42:55.380 align:middle line:84% The snake will be mad when she stops singing. 00:42:55.380 --> 00:42:58.110 align:middle line:84% There's no way this song can end. 00:42:58.110 --> 00:42:59.970 align:middle line:90% I can't stand it any longer. 00:42:59.970 --> 00:43:01.430 align:middle line:90% One step is all it takes. 00:43:01.430 --> 00:43:04.955 align:middle line:84% There's only inches after all between one life and the next. 00:43:04.955 --> 00:43:07.880 align:middle line:84% The snake whips its head around and its entire body 00:43:07.880 --> 00:43:10.220 align:middle line:84% shoots toward me like a loaded spring. 00:43:10.220 --> 00:43:14.240 align:middle line:84% It strikes once, twice and keeps on going at the plastic leg 00:43:14.240 --> 00:43:16.340 align:middle line:90% determined to break through. 00:43:16.340 --> 00:43:18.740 align:middle line:84% I don't feel it, but I imagine that I can. 00:43:18.740 --> 00:43:20.990 align:middle line:84% Two points of heat drilling into me. 00:43:20.990 --> 00:43:23.210 align:middle line:84% The venom like a stream of lava racing 00:43:23.210 --> 00:43:25.880 align:middle line:84% through the blood aimed straight for the heart. 00:43:25.880 --> 00:43:28.550 align:middle line:84% And I imagine Lloyd Stanley scared shitless out 00:43:28.550 --> 00:43:32.240 align:middle line:84% of here, at last leaving me and her to our own fates. 00:43:32.240 --> 00:43:34.430 align:middle line:84% I watch in horror as the thing beats itself 00:43:34.430 --> 00:43:37.460 align:middle line:84% against the stubborn leg, emptying its venom, 00:43:37.460 --> 00:43:39.530 align:middle line:84% wasting its best asset on something 00:43:39.530 --> 00:43:42.630 align:middle line:84% it can't even begin to hope to hurt. 00:43:42.630 --> 00:43:45.180 align:middle line:84% It stops finally and slides into the rocks 00:43:45.180 --> 00:43:47.010 align:middle line:84% as if it has had enough and can hardly 00:43:47.010 --> 00:43:49.410 align:middle line:90% wait to get beneath the ground. 00:43:49.410 --> 00:43:52.950 align:middle line:84% Lila isn't singing now, [INAUDIBLE] anything. 00:43:52.950 --> 00:43:56.550 align:middle line:84% She doesn't even appear to be in her body at all. 00:43:56.550 --> 00:43:59.640 align:middle line:84% Then she starts shuddering, all the adrenaline escaping at once 00:43:59.640 --> 00:44:02.500 align:middle line:84% and running wild now through her veins. 00:44:02.500 --> 00:44:04.660 align:middle line:90% I get down on the ground. 00:44:04.660 --> 00:44:07.510 align:middle line:84% I don't know whether she'll let me touch her or not. 00:44:07.510 --> 00:44:09.570 align:middle line:84% What a time to want a woman, when 00:44:09.570 --> 00:44:12.070 align:middle line:84% she's got a look on her face like I've taken something meant 00:44:12.070 --> 00:44:13.810 align:middle line:84% for her or have given her something 00:44:13.810 --> 00:44:16.520 align:middle line:84% it might cost her plenty to keep. 00:44:16.520 --> 00:44:20.660 align:middle line:84% I just watch her from about the same distance the snake had been 00:44:20.660 --> 00:44:22.490 align:middle line:90% and I see what it saw. 00:44:22.490 --> 00:44:26.420 align:middle line:84% A round, plain face, frightened, her eyes more deathless black 00:44:26.420 --> 00:44:28.730 align:middle line:90% now than any kind of green. 00:44:28.730 --> 00:44:32.120 align:middle line:84% Her mouth still half open, sung out, 00:44:32.120 --> 00:44:35.570 align:middle line:84% waiting a cave where I might crawl into and hear my own self 00:44:35.570 --> 00:44:37.340 align:middle line:90% breathing. 00:44:37.340 --> 00:44:39.080 align:middle line:84% And I hold her look, her nakedness, 00:44:39.080 --> 00:44:41.510 align:middle line:84% a soul coming loose within reach. 00:44:41.510 --> 00:44:44.300 align:middle line:84% I hold out my hand and it shakes. 00:44:44.300 --> 00:44:47.420 align:middle line:84% There's only one or two ways this thing can go. 00:44:47.420 --> 00:44:49.430 align:middle line:90% I could come to harm. 00:44:49.430 --> 00:44:52.330 align:middle line:90% I could come to mystery. 00:44:52.330 --> 00:44:53.800 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:44:53.800 --> 00:44:57.150 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:44:57.150 --> 00:45:04.000 align:middle line:90%