WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.245 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.245 --> 00:00:04.380 align:middle line:84% --by our own faculty member and fiction writer Jonathan 00:00:04.380 --> 00:00:07.590 align:middle line:84% Penner, who has generously offered 00:00:07.590 --> 00:00:10.140 align:middle line:84% to come in from his leave in order 00:00:10.140 --> 00:00:11.490 align:middle line:90% to introduce Elizabeth to us. 00:00:11.490 --> 00:00:13.775 align:middle line:84% So, please welcome Jonathan Penner. 00:00:13.775 --> 00:00:17.170 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:00:17.170 --> 00:00:25.430 align:middle line:90% 00:00:25.430 --> 00:00:28.010 align:middle line:84% In time to come, those who have the honor 00:00:28.010 --> 00:00:30.590 align:middle line:84% to introduce Elizabeth Evans will need 00:00:30.590 --> 00:00:34.620 align:middle line:84% do little more than say those two words. 00:00:34.620 --> 00:00:36.590 align:middle line:84% In fact, I may be one of the last 00:00:36.590 --> 00:00:40.580 align:middle line:84% who can presume to tell anyone who she is. 00:00:40.580 --> 00:00:44.690 align:middle line:84% Elizabeth is an Iowan born and bred and educated. 00:00:44.690 --> 00:00:47.090 align:middle line:84% She's been a winner of literary awards 00:00:47.090 --> 00:00:49.550 align:middle line:90% ever since her student days. 00:00:49.550 --> 00:00:51.620 align:middle line:84% Her stories are widely published, 00:00:51.620 --> 00:00:55.830 align:middle line:84% and have appeared in a wonderful collection titled Locomotion, 00:00:55.830 --> 00:00:59.400 align:middle line:84% which I notice is out there on the table. 00:00:59.400 --> 00:01:01.660 align:middle line:84% What gives us special pride, of course, 00:01:01.660 --> 00:01:04.800 align:middle line:84% is that she's a part of our literary community 00:01:04.800 --> 00:01:07.020 align:middle line:84% at the University of Arizona, where 00:01:07.020 --> 00:01:09.620 align:middle line:90% she teaches fiction writing. 00:01:09.620 --> 00:01:12.920 align:middle line:84% Elizabeth's novel The Blue Hour was recently 00:01:12.920 --> 00:01:14.900 align:middle line:90% published by Algonquin. 00:01:14.900 --> 00:01:19.160 align:middle line:84% The reviews, packed with superlative praise, 00:01:19.160 --> 00:01:24.620 align:middle line:84% convey, of course, enthusiasm, but much more than enthusiasm. 00:01:24.620 --> 00:01:28.970 align:middle line:84% They also convey admiration and respect. 00:01:28.970 --> 00:01:31.880 align:middle line:84% They convey understanding-- something 00:01:31.880 --> 00:01:35.660 align:middle line:84% every writer needs after years of typing words 00:01:35.660 --> 00:01:38.970 align:middle line:90% into the unpopulated ether. 00:01:38.970 --> 00:01:43.410 align:middle line:84% And they convey, in generous measure, what an author hardly 00:01:43.410 --> 00:01:45.900 align:middle line:90% dares dream of finding-- 00:01:45.900 --> 00:01:51.170 align:middle line:84% gratitude, simple gratitude, that this book was written. 00:01:51.170 --> 00:01:54.640 align:middle line:84% I think we're about to find out why. 00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:57.550 align:middle line:90% And now, those two words-- 00:01:57.550 --> 00:02:00.342 align:middle line:90% Elizabeth Evans. 00:02:00.342 --> 00:02:03.814 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:02:03.814 --> 00:02:17.240 align:middle line:90% 00:02:17.240 --> 00:02:20.350 align:middle line:84% OK, you guys are going to have to tell me if I'm 00:02:20.350 --> 00:02:22.130 align:middle line:90% in the right spot for this. 00:02:22.130 --> 00:02:25.520 align:middle line:90% That sound OK? 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:26.030 align:middle line:90% Yes? 00:02:26.030 --> 00:02:26.530 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:02:26.530 --> 00:02:29.040 align:middle line:90% 00:02:29.040 --> 00:02:31.930 align:middle line:90% Thank you all for coming. 00:02:31.930 --> 00:02:35.205 align:middle line:84% It's nice to see familiar faces, and unfamiliar faces, too. 00:02:35.205 --> 00:02:40.360 align:middle line:90% 00:02:40.360 --> 00:02:42.520 align:middle line:84% Last night, I was in an audience. 00:02:42.520 --> 00:02:47.161 align:middle line:84% I went to see Tony Bennett last night. 00:02:47.161 --> 00:02:50.980 align:middle line:84% If you told me 20 years ago that, for my birthday, 00:02:50.980 --> 00:02:54.420 align:middle line:84% I would ask for tickets to see Tony Bennett, 00:02:54.420 --> 00:02:56.110 align:middle line:90% I would have laughed. 00:02:56.110 --> 00:02:57.220 align:middle line:90% But I did. 00:02:57.220 --> 00:03:02.240 align:middle line:84% And there's a part of me that really 00:03:02.240 --> 00:03:06.380 align:middle line:84% would have liked to have been somebody like Tony Bennett, 00:03:06.380 --> 00:03:09.995 align:middle line:84% singing thrilling songs to people. 00:03:09.995 --> 00:03:12.810 align:middle line:90% 00:03:12.810 --> 00:03:16.640 align:middle line:84% Big house of people that you sang these songs 00:03:16.640 --> 00:03:22.220 align:middle line:84% that they remembered and loved, and it was very stirring 00:03:22.220 --> 00:03:24.440 align:middle line:90% for everybody. 00:03:24.440 --> 00:03:26.090 align:middle line:90% And I thought, well-- 00:03:26.090 --> 00:03:28.090 align:middle line:84% when I was thinking about coming into the night, 00:03:28.090 --> 00:03:33.280 align:middle line:84% I thought, well, I'll read a poem by somebody, 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:35.530 align:middle line:84% since Tony Bennett got to sing all these songs that he 00:03:35.530 --> 00:03:38.690 align:middle line:84% didn't write, and they were really wonderful. 00:03:38.690 --> 00:03:41.560 align:middle line:90% They made him sound so good. 00:03:41.560 --> 00:03:43.510 align:middle line:90% I thought I'd read this poem. 00:03:43.510 --> 00:03:46.270 align:middle line:84% I think I know it mostly by heart, 00:03:46.270 --> 00:03:50.080 align:middle line:84% but I have it with me in case I need some help. 00:03:50.080 --> 00:03:52.180 align:middle line:84% And it's a poem by William Butler Yeats, 00:03:52.180 --> 00:03:55.360 align:middle line:84% and it's called "Adam's Curse." it's one of my very favorite 00:03:55.360 --> 00:04:00.210 align:middle line:84% poems, and it's about writing and love, 00:04:00.210 --> 00:04:03.780 align:middle line:84% and puffing yourself up in both things. 00:04:03.780 --> 00:04:07.500 align:middle line:90% 00:04:07.500 --> 00:04:08.490 align:middle line:90% "Adam's Curse." 00:04:08.490 --> 00:04:14.900 align:middle line:84% It's the poet talking to his old love, Maud Gonne. 00:04:14.900 --> 00:04:17.959 align:middle line:84% "We sat together at one summer's end-- 00:04:17.959 --> 00:04:22.580 align:middle line:84% that beautiful, mild woman, your close friend, and you and I-- 00:04:22.580 --> 00:04:24.800 align:middle line:90% and talked of poetry. 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:29.060 align:middle line:84% I said, 'a line will take us hours, maybe, 00:04:29.060 --> 00:04:31.430 align:middle line:84% yet if it does not seem a moment's thought, 00:04:31.430 --> 00:04:35.320 align:middle line:84% our stitching and un-stitching has been naught.' 00:04:35.320 --> 00:04:38.170 align:middle line:84% Better go down upon your marrow bones 00:04:38.170 --> 00:04:41.590 align:middle line:84% and scrub a kitchen pavement or break stones 00:04:41.590 --> 00:04:43.790 align:middle line:90% in all kinds of weather. 00:04:43.790 --> 00:04:46.520 align:middle line:84% For to articulate sweet sounds together 00:04:46.520 --> 00:04:48.890 align:middle line:84% is to work harder than all these, 00:04:48.890 --> 00:04:54.890 align:middle line:84% and yet be thought an idler by the noisy set of schoolmasters, 00:04:54.890 --> 00:05:00.830 align:middle line:84% bankers, and clergymen the martyrs call the world. 00:05:00.830 --> 00:05:04.880 align:middle line:84% And thereupon replied that beautiful, mild woman, 00:05:04.880 --> 00:05:08.780 align:middle line:84% for whose sake there's many a one who will find out all 00:05:08.780 --> 00:05:13.280 align:middle line:84% heartache on learning that her voice was soft and low, 00:05:13.280 --> 00:05:16.910 align:middle line:84% 'to be born woman is to know, although they do not speak of it 00:05:16.910 --> 00:05:22.210 align:middle line:84% at school, that we must labor to be beautiful.' 00:05:22.210 --> 00:05:27.220 align:middle line:84% I said, 'it's certain there is no fine thing since Adam's fall 00:05:27.220 --> 00:05:30.180 align:middle line:90% but needs much laboring. 00:05:30.180 --> 00:05:31.920 align:middle line:84% There have been those who thought 00:05:31.920 --> 00:05:35.790 align:middle line:84% love should be so much compounded of high courtesy 00:05:35.790 --> 00:05:39.900 align:middle line:84% that they would sigh and quote, with learned looks, 00:05:39.900 --> 00:05:43.350 align:middle line:84% precedents out of beautiful old books. 00:05:43.350 --> 00:05:47.360 align:middle line:84% Yet now it seems an idle trade enough.' 00:05:47.360 --> 00:05:50.270 align:middle line:84% We sat, grown quiet at the name of love. 00:05:50.270 --> 00:05:54.490 align:middle line:84% We saw the last embers of the daylight die, 00:05:54.490 --> 00:05:57.330 align:middle line:84% and in the trembling blue-green of the sky, 00:05:57.330 --> 00:06:03.240 align:middle line:84% a moon, worn as if it had been a shell, tossed by time's waters 00:06:03.240 --> 00:06:06.450 align:middle line:84% as they rose and fell about the years 00:06:06.450 --> 00:06:10.570 align:middle line:90% and broke in days and weeks. 00:06:10.570 --> 00:06:14.200 align:middle line:84% I had a thought for no one but your ears: 00:06:14.200 --> 00:06:17.290 align:middle line:84% that you were beautiful, and that I strove 00:06:17.290 --> 00:06:20.770 align:middle line:84% to love you in the old, high way of love, 00:06:20.770 --> 00:06:23.020 align:middle line:90% and it had all seemed happy. 00:06:23.020 --> 00:06:27.790 align:middle line:84% Yet now, we'd both grown as weary as that hollow moon." 00:06:27.790 --> 00:06:32.530 align:middle line:90% 00:06:32.530 --> 00:06:35.290 align:middle line:90% William Butler Yeats. 00:06:35.290 --> 00:06:39.820 align:middle line:84% So what I'm going to do tonight is read from The Blue Hour. 00:06:39.820 --> 00:06:42.280 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read a bit of the first chapter. 00:06:42.280 --> 00:06:44.680 align:middle line:84% I won't read the whole first chapter, because some of you 00:06:44.680 --> 00:06:46.720 align:middle line:84% have heard me read from this before, 00:06:46.720 --> 00:06:52.630 align:middle line:84% and I want to make it fun for you, too. 00:06:52.630 --> 00:06:58.630 align:middle line:84% So I'll read a bit, and then skip forward and read a little 00:06:58.630 --> 00:06:59.845 align:middle line:90% from the fifth chapter. 00:06:59.845 --> 00:07:04.740 align:middle line:90% 00:07:04.740 --> 00:07:07.640 align:middle line:90% Chapter 1. 00:07:07.640 --> 00:07:11.900 align:middle line:84% "Some people complain because they can't remember things-- 00:07:11.900 --> 00:07:16.580 align:middle line:84% say, the name of the couple who once lived next door, or even 00:07:16.580 --> 00:07:20.510 align:middle line:84% the order in which events in a life began to go wrong. 00:07:20.510 --> 00:07:24.770 align:middle line:84% But I remember-- not just names and sequences, 00:07:24.770 --> 00:07:28.730 align:middle line:84% but the lush depths of a chinchilla coat as it hung 00:07:28.730 --> 00:07:33.620 align:middle line:84% in cold storage, my father's hands rising off the steering 00:07:33.620 --> 00:07:38.510 align:middle line:84% wheel, even the optimistic green and white of the amphetamines 00:07:38.510 --> 00:07:42.380 align:middle line:84% a certain doctor prescribed for my mother halfway toward the end 00:07:42.380 --> 00:07:47.580 align:middle line:84% of everything, which is why I also know that the very first 00:07:47.580 --> 00:07:51.270 align:middle line:84% glimpse my family had of the Bishop house included Channing 00:07:51.270 --> 00:07:52.140 align:middle line:90% Bishop-- 00:07:52.140 --> 00:07:57.960 align:middle line:84% tan, tall, suddenly right there, bolting out the grand front door 00:07:57.960 --> 00:08:01.470 align:middle line:84% and into the summer rain at the precise moment 00:08:01.470 --> 00:08:05.350 align:middle line:84% that our realtor lifted his finger to the bell. 00:08:05.350 --> 00:08:07.990 align:middle line:84% 'Well, hello there,' my father said. 00:08:07.990 --> 00:08:11.020 align:middle line:84% A friendly man, laughing and smiling, 00:08:11.020 --> 00:08:13.120 align:middle line:84% he stepped to one side of the walk 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:16.030 align:middle line:84% to clear a path for Channing Bishop. 00:08:16.030 --> 00:08:19.360 align:middle line:84% My shy mother, a little nervous, backed 00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:22.030 align:middle line:90% into a clump of wet evergreens. 00:08:22.030 --> 00:08:25.210 align:middle line:84% She raised her fingertips to the plastic rain bonnet 00:08:25.210 --> 00:08:27.430 align:middle line:90% covering her bun. 00:08:27.430 --> 00:08:30.640 align:middle line:84% A thing decorated with little balloons of red 00:08:30.640 --> 00:08:34.090 align:middle line:84% and yellow and blue, that bonnet had 00:08:34.090 --> 00:08:38.169 align:middle line:84% come as a premium with a loaf of bread. 00:08:38.169 --> 00:08:41.200 align:middle line:84% She raised her eyes towards its transparent roof, 00:08:41.200 --> 00:08:47.530 align:middle line:84% and murmured to my sister Nancy and me, 'I bet I look snazzy.' 00:08:47.530 --> 00:08:51.190 align:middle line:84% How much does it matter that the year was 1959? 00:08:51.190 --> 00:08:54.490 align:middle line:84% Is it more important that it was 1959, 00:08:54.490 --> 00:08:58.810 align:middle line:84% or that it was early June, the wet trees and lawns 00:08:58.810 --> 00:09:03.570 align:middle line:84% throwing off a swarm of enchanted green light? 00:09:03.570 --> 00:09:06.600 align:middle line:84% While my mother struggled with the ties of the bonnet, 00:09:06.600 --> 00:09:10.830 align:middle line:84% Channing Bishop paused to yank a windbreaker over his head. 00:09:10.830 --> 00:09:14.820 align:middle line:84% 'Enjoy yourselves,' he said, then rushed off down the walk, 00:09:14.820 --> 00:09:18.330 align:middle line:84% like no one answering a door in our experience-- 00:09:18.330 --> 00:09:23.340 align:middle line:84% no, like some cool TV detective giving the slip 00:09:23.340 --> 00:09:27.210 align:middle line:90% to farcically inept cops. 00:09:27.210 --> 00:09:29.880 align:middle line:84% I was 10 at the time, and no sophisticate, 00:09:29.880 --> 00:09:33.240 align:middle line:84% but I felt certain my parents would take Channing Bishop's 00:09:33.240 --> 00:09:35.640 align:middle line:90% breezy exit as a snub. 00:09:35.640 --> 00:09:37.920 align:middle line:84% And my heart ached for them when he 00:09:37.920 --> 00:09:41.250 align:middle line:84% bolted through the opening in the handsome stone wall 00:09:41.250 --> 00:09:45.000 align:middle line:84% at the top of his walk, and sped off in the silver sports 00:09:45.000 --> 00:09:48.060 align:middle line:90% car parked at the curb. 00:09:48.060 --> 00:09:52.280 align:middle line:84% If my father felt bad, however, he didn't show us. 00:09:52.280 --> 00:09:56.760 align:middle line:84% 'Man, oh, man, that is some car,' he cried, while Nancy-- 00:09:56.760 --> 00:10:00.390 align:middle line:84% 13, clawing her way towards glamour-- 00:10:00.390 --> 00:10:03.810 align:middle line:84% Nancy whipped her eyeglasses from her skirt pocket 00:10:03.810 --> 00:10:09.140 align:middle line:84% in order to watch Bishop zip off down the street. 00:10:09.140 --> 00:10:12.650 align:middle line:84% Nancy was full of contempt for the stuff of our lives, 00:10:12.650 --> 00:10:16.910 align:middle line:84% and in general, I considered her arbiter of all action. 00:10:16.910 --> 00:10:19.430 align:middle line:84% On this occasion, however, I meant 00:10:19.430 --> 00:10:21.440 align:middle line:84% to show the world that I couldn't 00:10:21.440 --> 00:10:24.320 align:middle line:84% be even slightly impressed by someone who 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:27.140 align:middle line:90% had been rude to my parents. 00:10:27.140 --> 00:10:29.030 align:middle line:90% Along with the realtor-- 00:10:29.030 --> 00:10:32.180 align:middle line:84% a tall man, beefy, with a butch haircut 00:10:32.180 --> 00:10:35.060 align:middle line:90% so short it was transparent-- 00:10:35.060 --> 00:10:37.880 align:middle line:84% I turned away from the street, and helped my mother out 00:10:37.880 --> 00:10:42.100 align:middle line:84% of the bushes and onto the walk once more. 00:10:42.100 --> 00:10:44.320 align:middle line:84% I can't remember a time when my mother didn't 00:10:44.320 --> 00:10:46.420 align:middle line:90% struggle with her weight. 00:10:46.420 --> 00:10:50.650 align:middle line:84% And when she was particularly heavy, as she was that summer, 00:10:50.650 --> 00:10:54.190 align:middle line:84% her broad-cheeked face had what I thought of as an oriental 00:10:54.190 --> 00:10:55.420 align:middle line:90% character-- 00:10:55.420 --> 00:10:59.750 align:middle line:84% stereotypically placid, inscrutable. 00:10:59.750 --> 00:11:02.120 align:middle line:90% She had other sides, of course. 00:11:02.120 --> 00:11:04.310 align:middle line:84% In the company of certain girlfriends, 00:11:04.310 --> 00:11:07.880 align:middle line:84% she was often giggly, and given to making odd noises 00:11:07.880 --> 00:11:11.120 align:middle line:90% to suggest delight, horror. 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:15.740 align:middle line:84% Still, that day, before our arrival at the Bishop house, 00:11:15.740 --> 00:11:18.560 align:middle line:84% she'd worn only the inscrutable face. 00:11:18.560 --> 00:11:21.890 align:middle line:84% And I was surprised by the change that swept over her 00:11:21.890 --> 00:11:25.760 align:middle line:84% as she stood looking into the Bishop foyer-- 00:11:25.760 --> 00:11:29.450 align:middle line:84% something to do with the lift of her chin. 00:11:29.450 --> 00:11:33.290 align:middle line:84% A brighter eye, animal alertness. 00:11:33.290 --> 00:11:37.100 align:middle line:84% 'Now, just remember, we are only looking at this house 00:11:37.100 --> 00:11:39.980 align:middle line:90% for the experience,' she said. 00:11:39.980 --> 00:11:43.700 align:middle line:84% 'It's not for rent, and it's way out of our league.' 00:11:43.700 --> 00:11:46.010 align:middle line:84% She looked at Nancy and me as she spoke, 00:11:46.010 --> 00:11:51.060 align:middle line:84% but I sensed she really meant her words for the realtor. 00:11:51.060 --> 00:11:53.790 align:middle line:90% 'That Chan,' the realtor boomed. 00:11:53.790 --> 00:11:55.680 align:middle line:84% He winked at my mother as if he knew 00:11:55.680 --> 00:12:00.000 align:middle line:84% her to be a woman accustomed to rude young millionaires. 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:03.390 align:middle line:84% 'You'll get to know him once you settle and meander, Mrs. Powell. 00:12:03.390 --> 00:12:05.070 align:middle line:90% He's quite a guy, really. 00:12:05.070 --> 00:12:07.740 align:middle line:84% You've no doubt bought Bishop meat. 00:12:07.740 --> 00:12:11.550 align:middle line:84% You know the products, not the family.' 00:12:11.550 --> 00:12:14.420 align:middle line:84% My mother didn't respond to the realtor's words, 00:12:14.420 --> 00:12:18.590 align:middle line:84% only stared ahead into the twilight interior. 00:12:18.590 --> 00:12:23.580 align:middle line:84% And I glanced at my father to see if this would suffice. 00:12:23.580 --> 00:12:26.130 align:middle line:90% No. 00:12:26.130 --> 00:12:29.310 align:middle line:84% At that time in his life, my father's main business 00:12:29.310 --> 00:12:32.220 align:middle line:84% was asphalt, and years of hopping out 00:12:32.220 --> 00:12:35.220 align:middle line:84% of his car to nudge along his crews 00:12:35.220 --> 00:12:38.820 align:middle line:84% had left him with a ruddy face and hands. 00:12:38.820 --> 00:12:42.840 align:middle line:84% Still, while he stood outside the Bishop house watching 00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:46.380 align:middle line:84% my mother, waiting impatiently for her to say something 00:12:46.380 --> 00:12:49.380 align:middle line:84% to the realtor, the color in his cheeks 00:12:49.380 --> 00:12:53.820 align:middle line:84% rose as steadily as some well-fed flame. 00:12:53.820 --> 00:12:58.290 align:middle line:84% 'Dotty,' he said, 'Chuck was speaking to you about Bishop 00:12:58.290 --> 00:13:00.860 align:middle line:90% meat.' 00:13:00.860 --> 00:13:04.160 align:middle line:84% For my mother to show even the slightest disregard 00:13:04.160 --> 00:13:08.690 align:middle line:84% for what my father wanted made goosebumps of alarm rise 00:13:08.690 --> 00:13:10.220 align:middle line:90% on my arms. 00:13:10.220 --> 00:13:11.580 align:middle line:90% She adored him. 00:13:11.580 --> 00:13:14.300 align:middle line:84% I was proud of how much she adored him. 00:13:14.300 --> 00:13:17.310 align:middle line:90% It seemed to make us royalty. 00:13:17.310 --> 00:13:21.120 align:middle line:84% 'Mom?' I tugged on her arm, prompting her. 00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:24.690 align:middle line:84% 'We always buy Bishop's hot dogs, don't we, Mom?' 00:13:24.690 --> 00:13:28.360 align:middle line:84% 'What?' She gave me a brief, annoyed glance, 00:13:28.360 --> 00:13:30.480 align:middle line:90% then turned to the realtor. 00:13:30.480 --> 00:13:34.690 align:middle line:84% 'So this is that Bishop?' she asked. 00:13:34.690 --> 00:13:37.450 align:middle line:84% It would seem comical to most people, I'm sure, 00:13:37.450 --> 00:13:40.870 align:middle line:84% how grand and intimidating Meander, Illinois, 00:13:40.870 --> 00:13:45.370 align:middle line:84% with its 50,000 people, seemed to us after Dolores, 00:13:45.370 --> 00:13:48.790 align:middle line:90% Illinois with its 7,000. 00:13:48.790 --> 00:13:51.070 align:middle line:84% But there was the uprooting of it, too. 00:13:51.070 --> 00:13:54.040 align:middle line:84% My father had assured us we would love Meander. 00:13:54.040 --> 00:13:56.470 align:middle line:84% We were going to grow rich there. 00:13:56.470 --> 00:14:00.670 align:middle line:84% Even so, Nancy had slammed doors, broken things, 00:14:00.670 --> 00:14:04.480 align:middle line:84% worked out a scheme to stay on in Dolores in her friend Trudy's 00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:06.460 align:middle line:90% old playhouse. 00:14:06.460 --> 00:14:10.240 align:middle line:84% Then my mother had turned deadly serious and warned Nancy, 00:14:10.240 --> 00:14:15.030 align:middle line:84% 'if Dad feels the move is important, that's that.' 00:14:15.030 --> 00:14:18.210 align:middle line:84% We were moving because my father planned to start a door 00:14:18.210 --> 00:14:19.920 align:middle line:90% factory in Meander-- 00:14:19.920 --> 00:14:23.580 align:middle line:84% aluminum doors, screen doors, garage doors. 00:14:23.580 --> 00:14:25.140 align:middle line:84% Until we reached the Bishop house, 00:14:25.140 --> 00:14:27.720 align:middle line:84% we'd looked only at rental properties. 00:14:27.720 --> 00:14:31.680 align:middle line:84% We'd live in a rental until my father got his factory running. 00:14:31.680 --> 00:14:34.320 align:middle line:84% After that, he would build what he always 00:14:34.320 --> 00:14:37.110 align:middle line:90% called Dotty's dream house. 00:14:37.110 --> 00:14:41.190 align:middle line:84% He'd already bought a wooded lot and had an architect draw up 00:14:41.190 --> 00:14:42.840 align:middle line:90% plans. 00:14:42.840 --> 00:14:45.510 align:middle line:84% The memory of the blueprints and drawings 00:14:45.510 --> 00:14:48.330 align:middle line:84% he scrolled out across to our kitchen table 00:14:48.330 --> 00:14:51.240 align:middle line:90% still fills me with nostalgia. 00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:56.760 align:middle line:84% Rooms seductive as glades, rooftops dappled light and dark 00:14:56.760 --> 00:14:59.430 align:middle line:84% by the foliage of pen and ink trees, 00:14:59.430 --> 00:15:03.510 align:middle line:84% somehow more dreamily beautiful than any tree ever 00:15:03.510 --> 00:15:06.990 align:middle line:90% was in real life. 00:15:06.990 --> 00:15:11.310 align:middle line:84% 'Help,' the realtor laughed, as he groped in the dark main hall 00:15:11.310 --> 00:15:12.720 align:middle line:90% for a light switch. 00:15:12.720 --> 00:15:15.330 align:middle line:84% The rest of us still stood in the foyer. 00:15:15.330 --> 00:15:19.200 align:middle line:84% Nancy's long, thin nose sniffed at the masonry tang 00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:24.300 align:middle line:84% of the house, as if it released deep, instinctual warnings. 00:15:24.300 --> 00:15:30.310 align:middle line:84% Nancy was always sensitive to decay, odors of the body. 00:15:30.310 --> 00:15:34.920 align:middle line:84% She went pale and fainted with some regularity. 00:15:34.920 --> 00:15:37.590 align:middle line:84% 'This place may be famous,' she whispered, 00:15:37.590 --> 00:15:40.470 align:middle line:84% 'but it smells like the underground lavatory 00:15:40.470 --> 00:15:42.850 align:middle line:90% at the park.' 00:15:42.850 --> 00:15:44.170 align:middle line:90% The agent laughed. 00:15:44.170 --> 00:15:47.320 align:middle line:84% He was jumpy with laughter, and as he laughed, 00:15:47.320 --> 00:15:52.330 align:middle line:84% he patted at his big belly as if it were a faithful pet. 00:15:52.330 --> 00:15:56.080 align:middle line:84% I liked him, but I suspected I should beware any and all 00:15:56.080 --> 00:15:58.330 align:middle line:90% of his noisy charms. 00:15:58.330 --> 00:16:01.960 align:middle line:84% Earlier that morning, during our drive over from Dolores, 00:16:01.960 --> 00:16:04.810 align:middle line:84% my mother had mentioned that her phone conversations 00:16:04.810 --> 00:16:08.890 align:middle line:84% with the agent had given her the clear impression he considered 00:16:08.890 --> 00:16:11.550 align:middle line:90% us a bunch of hicks. 00:16:11.550 --> 00:16:15.200 align:middle line:84% 'Hicks' had been a mistake on my mother's part. 00:16:15.200 --> 00:16:19.160 align:middle line:84% 'Hicks,' my father had cried, and lifted both hands from 00:16:19.160 --> 00:16:22.700 align:middle line:84% the steering wheel as if to prove himself shocked beyond 00:16:22.700 --> 00:16:25.250 align:middle line:90% concern for our safety-- 00:16:25.250 --> 00:16:29.570 align:middle line:84% which wouldn't have surprised me in town at safer speeds. 00:16:29.570 --> 00:16:32.060 align:middle line:90% I knew his theatrical bent. 00:16:32.060 --> 00:16:35.420 align:middle line:84% But at that moment, we were rushing down a country road. 00:16:35.420 --> 00:16:38.240 align:middle line:84% Wet gravel popped loose beneath us. 00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:41.990 align:middle line:84% One bad bump would have sent the car on a roll into a ditch 00:16:41.990 --> 00:16:45.080 align:middle line:84% through barbed wire and fields of corn. 00:16:45.080 --> 00:16:47.090 align:middle line:90% Nancy and I shrieked. 00:16:47.090 --> 00:16:48.920 align:middle line:90% Our mother closed her eyes. 00:16:48.920 --> 00:16:51.320 align:middle line:84% She looked as if she were going to sleep, 00:16:51.320 --> 00:16:54.200 align:middle line:90% had already accepted our doom-- 00:16:54.200 --> 00:16:58.490 align:middle line:84% a gesture almost as awful as the way we drifted to the left 00:16:58.490 --> 00:17:02.870 align:middle line:84% just before my father lowered his hands to the wheel once more 00:17:02.870 --> 00:17:06.770 align:middle line:84% and declared, in a voice both brittle and damp, 00:17:06.770 --> 00:17:10.760 align:middle line:90% furious and pained, 'hicks? 00:17:10.760 --> 00:17:13.400 align:middle line:84% You don't know beans about what that man thinks, mother.' 00:17:13.400 --> 00:17:22.079 align:middle line:90% 00:17:22.079 --> 00:17:25.200 align:middle line:84% In the sudden blaze of the Bishop home's front hall lights, 00:17:25.200 --> 00:17:28.050 align:middle line:84% however, it did seem as if none of us 00:17:28.050 --> 00:17:30.900 align:middle line:90% fit properly into our clothes. 00:17:30.900 --> 00:17:34.910 align:middle line:84% And our clothes were the wrong clothes, too, weren't they? 00:17:34.910 --> 00:17:36.830 align:middle line:84% One of my father's socks had slipped 00:17:36.830 --> 00:17:40.910 align:middle line:84% into the heel of his shoe, exposed his pale ankle. 00:17:40.910 --> 00:17:43.190 align:middle line:90% My mother was weary. 00:17:43.190 --> 00:17:45.380 align:middle line:84% The little hitch in her step left 00:17:45.380 --> 00:17:48.470 align:middle line:84% from a childhood bout of polio showed more 00:17:48.470 --> 00:17:50.910 align:middle line:90% than it normally did. 00:17:50.910 --> 00:17:54.900 align:middle line:84% Her linen suit, though she continued to bestow upon it 00:17:54.900 --> 00:18:00.240 align:middle line:84% the honorific 'good,' that old beige suit had grown too small 00:18:00.240 --> 00:18:04.680 align:middle line:84% in belly and bust, and after the damp day in the car, 00:18:04.680 --> 00:18:08.670 align:middle line:84% its fabric had the rusty, wrinkled look of rags hung up 00:18:08.670 --> 00:18:12.120 align:middle line:90% to dry beneath our kitchen sink. 00:18:12.120 --> 00:18:14.760 align:middle line:84% As for Nancy, though I usually considered 00:18:14.760 --> 00:18:17.850 align:middle line:84% her the epitome of teenage glamour, 00:18:17.850 --> 00:18:20.940 align:middle line:84% that day, the hard crest of hair she 00:18:20.940 --> 00:18:24.510 align:middle line:84% had sculpted above her forehead gave her face 00:18:24.510 --> 00:18:28.980 align:middle line:84% the startled look of the bats caught by camera flash 00:18:28.980 --> 00:18:31.995 align:middle line:84% in my Encyclopedia of the Animal Kingdom. 00:18:31.995 --> 00:18:34.800 align:middle line:90% 00:18:34.800 --> 00:18:38.490 align:middle line:84% And myself, today I hope I'd look at myself with greater 00:18:38.490 --> 00:18:42.390 align:middle line:84% charity, but at that moment in the Bishop hall mirror, 00:18:42.390 --> 00:18:46.710 align:middle line:84% I saw only a skinny kid, dishwater-blonde hair whacked 00:18:46.710 --> 00:18:49.890 align:middle line:84% to within an inch of its life, dress 00:18:49.890 --> 00:18:54.300 align:middle line:84% so large I might have been the clapper inside a bell. 00:18:54.300 --> 00:18:57.540 align:middle line:84% Practical eyeglasses, teeth bucked as a mule's 00:18:57.540 --> 00:19:00.050 align:middle line:90% from years of finger-sucking. 00:19:00.050 --> 00:19:03.860 align:middle line:84% It occurred to me that I resembled those children 00:19:03.860 --> 00:19:06.350 align:middle line:84% the social service agents sometimes 00:19:06.350 --> 00:19:08.630 align:middle line:90% brought to my grade school-- 00:19:08.630 --> 00:19:12.620 align:middle line:84% scrawny kids who weren't sure what last name to use 00:19:12.620 --> 00:19:15.380 align:middle line:84% this month, kids we all understood 00:19:15.380 --> 00:19:19.280 align:middle line:84% would be gone in a few weeks, never seen again, 00:19:19.280 --> 00:19:22.820 align:middle line:90% so why make friends with them? 00:19:22.820 --> 00:19:24.500 align:middle line:90% The agent threw more switches. 00:19:24.500 --> 00:19:27.770 align:middle line:84% More lamps blazed, spotlighting the staircase, 00:19:27.770 --> 00:19:30.170 align:middle line:84% the ceiling of the landing, and the hallway 00:19:30.170 --> 00:19:32.300 align:middle line:90% high above our heads. 00:19:32.300 --> 00:19:35.820 align:middle line:84% 'Aha,' my father said approvingly. 00:19:35.820 --> 00:19:38.250 align:middle line:84% My mother smiled at his pleasure, then 00:19:38.250 --> 00:19:40.500 align:middle line:84% lifted her eyebrows at Nancy and me 00:19:40.500 --> 00:19:44.370 align:middle line:84% to let us know that we should smile, too. 00:19:44.370 --> 00:19:47.040 align:middle line:84% Her lipstick was the bright red of those days, 00:19:47.040 --> 00:19:50.100 align:middle line:84% and considering how shy she was, it always 00:19:50.100 --> 00:19:52.350 align:middle line:84% struck me as brave of her to wear. 00:19:52.350 --> 00:19:55.220 align:middle line:90% Such a decided color. 00:19:55.220 --> 00:19:57.200 align:middle line:90% '18 inches thick.' 00:19:57.200 --> 00:20:00.080 align:middle line:84% With the butt of his palm, the agent thumped the walls 00:20:00.080 --> 00:20:03.360 align:middle line:84% of the Bishop house. 'Imagine that.' 00:20:03.360 --> 00:20:06.960 align:middle line:84% We all took turns thumping a wall, papered 00:20:06.960 --> 00:20:10.680 align:middle line:84% in what my mother assured us was real grass cloth-- 00:20:10.680 --> 00:20:13.890 align:middle line:84% apparently a good thing, and in keeping 00:20:13.890 --> 00:20:16.590 align:middle line:84% with the taste of the home's famous architect, 00:20:16.590 --> 00:20:18.360 align:middle line:90% the agent added. 00:20:18.360 --> 00:20:19.890 align:middle line:90% My mother nodded. 00:20:19.890 --> 00:20:22.470 align:middle line:84% Clearly, she wanted to say something, 00:20:22.470 --> 00:20:25.260 align:middle line:84% and the struggle between her ambition to speak 00:20:25.260 --> 00:20:29.480 align:middle line:84% and her shyness turned her cheeks pink. 00:20:29.480 --> 00:20:31.790 align:middle line:84% Such moments always made me nervous-- 00:20:31.790 --> 00:20:36.470 align:middle line:84% both that she would speak, that she'd lose her chance to speak. 00:20:36.470 --> 00:20:40.940 align:middle line:84% And I took refuge in a pointed examination of the front door's 00:20:40.940 --> 00:20:46.160 align:middle line:84% panes of colored glass, each one swirled with caramel, 00:20:46.160 --> 00:20:50.510 align:middle line:84% the dreamy creamy stripes of agate and horn. 00:20:50.510 --> 00:20:52.700 align:middle line:90% My heart beat hard. 00:20:52.700 --> 00:20:55.190 align:middle line:84% My mother's opportunity was passing. 00:20:55.190 --> 00:20:56.670 align:middle line:90% It was too late. 00:20:56.670 --> 00:21:00.480 align:middle line:84% The agent began to turn towards the entry to the living room. 00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:04.280 align:middle line:84% 'Oh.' Her hand flew up like the hand of a schoolgirl. 00:21:04.280 --> 00:21:06.920 align:middle line:84% With a little gasp, she said, yes, she 00:21:06.920 --> 00:21:09.020 align:middle line:84% was familiar with the architect's work. 00:21:09.020 --> 00:21:12.910 align:middle line:84% Prairie School, Oriental influences. 00:21:12.910 --> 00:21:16.870 align:middle line:84% My father jingled the keys and coins in his pants pocket, 00:21:16.870 --> 00:21:20.980 align:middle line:84% and when she finished, he smiled and said, 'hmm, is that right, 00:21:20.980 --> 00:21:23.110 align:middle line:90% mother?' 00:21:23.110 --> 00:21:27.160 align:middle line:84% The agent smiled, too, then went on to recite certain facts 00:21:27.160 --> 00:21:31.490 align:middle line:84% about the house, its use of local limestone. 00:21:31.490 --> 00:21:35.140 align:middle line:84% 'Mm-hmm.' Though deep-chested as a pigeon, 00:21:35.140 --> 00:21:39.850 align:middle line:84% my father stood just 5 foot 6, and consciously or not, 00:21:39.850 --> 00:21:43.400 align:middle line:84% he'd developed a posture for talking to taller men-- 00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:46.750 align:middle line:84% head held down, hands in his pocket, 00:21:46.750 --> 00:21:50.890 align:middle line:84% every now and then offering up a little nod. 00:21:50.890 --> 00:21:56.950 align:middle line:84% In this way, he managed to look polite, but also preoccupied-- 00:21:56.950 --> 00:22:02.500 align:middle line:84% confident, even wily, instead of small and deferential. 00:22:02.500 --> 00:22:05.890 align:middle line:84% 'Next,' said the agent, and ushered us into the buffered 00:22:05.890 --> 00:22:09.170 align:middle line:90% green light of the living room. 00:22:09.170 --> 00:22:13.370 align:middle line:84% Except for a grand piano, the living room stood empty. 00:22:13.370 --> 00:22:16.730 align:middle line:84% Its drama was heightened by the way in which the house perched 00:22:16.730 --> 00:22:18.350 align:middle line:90% on an incline. 00:22:18.350 --> 00:22:21.020 align:middle line:84% We'd entered at street level, but the living room 00:22:21.020 --> 00:22:23.630 align:middle line:84% was two storeys up, and looked out 00:22:23.630 --> 00:22:26.990 align:middle line:84% into leafy branches of hackberries and elms 00:22:26.990 --> 00:22:30.590 align:middle line:84% and acres of bright, rain-drenched grass that 00:22:30.590 --> 00:22:36.220 align:middle line:84% ran down to a creek backed by buff and gray cliffs. 00:22:36.220 --> 00:22:38.870 align:middle line:90% 'Gosh,' I murmured. 00:22:38.870 --> 00:22:41.210 align:middle line:90% Behind me, the agent laughed. 00:22:41.210 --> 00:22:43.250 align:middle line:90% 'That's what I say, Penny. 00:22:43.250 --> 00:22:44.480 align:middle line:90% Gosh. 00:22:44.480 --> 00:22:46.250 align:middle line:90% What do you think, Bob? 00:22:46.250 --> 00:22:49.250 align:middle line:84% I bet your dad would get a kick out of seeing you set up 00:22:49.250 --> 00:22:50.315 align:middle line:90% in a house like this.' 00:22:50.315 --> 00:22:53.100 align:middle line:90% 00:22:53.100 --> 00:22:56.985 align:middle line:84% OK, I'm going to break off from that point in the first chapter. 00:22:56.985 --> 00:23:03.410 align:middle line:90% 00:23:03.410 --> 00:23:12.170 align:middle line:84% The Powell family does end up buying this house, 00:23:12.170 --> 00:23:18.490 align:middle line:84% and they learned that Chan Bishop is selling the house 00:23:18.490 --> 00:23:22.540 align:middle line:84% because his wife has taken the children, 00:23:22.540 --> 00:23:26.937 align:middle line:84% and she's run off with his best friend. 00:23:26.937 --> 00:23:29.020 align:middle line:84% And he doesn't want to live in this house anymore, 00:23:29.020 --> 00:23:30.978 align:middle line:84% but he still wants to live in the neighborhood, 00:23:30.978 --> 00:23:35.260 align:middle line:84% so he's building himself a house nearby. 00:23:35.260 --> 00:23:42.580 align:middle line:84% And in the next chapters, the reader sees that the family-- 00:23:42.580 --> 00:23:46.240 align:middle line:84% sees a family move to Meander from this smaller 00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:47.065 align:middle line:90% town of Dolores. 00:23:47.065 --> 00:23:50.850 align:middle line:90% 00:23:50.850 --> 00:23:53.640 align:middle line:84% You get to know a bit about Channing Bishop 00:23:53.640 --> 00:23:57.750 align:middle line:84% and certain of the rather sophisticated neighbors 00:23:57.750 --> 00:24:01.590 align:middle line:84% from the area, particularly a woman named Margret Woolum 00:24:01.590 --> 00:24:04.790 align:middle line:90% and her daughter, Eleanor. 00:24:04.790 --> 00:24:09.450 align:middle line:84% You're also filled in on that the father is setting up 00:24:09.450 --> 00:24:14.880 align:middle line:84% this factory in Meander, and he's gotten into several deals 00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:17.520 align:middle line:84% like this in the past, where someone's told him a hard luck 00:24:17.520 --> 00:24:22.350 align:middle line:84% story and his sympathetic nature has 00:24:22.350 --> 00:24:31.020 align:middle line:84% sort of been suckered into some not so terrific business deals. 00:24:31.020 --> 00:24:31.680 align:middle line:90% So, let's see. 00:24:31.680 --> 00:24:38.230 align:middle line:84% So as we come up to Chapter 5, the father's 00:24:38.230 --> 00:24:41.380 align:middle line:84% going back and forth quite a bit to his old businesses 00:24:41.380 --> 00:24:46.260 align:middle line:84% and his new businesses in Meander. 00:24:46.260 --> 00:24:48.370 align:middle line:84% So I think that brings you up to date. 00:24:48.370 --> 00:24:50.760 align:middle line:90% There's one reference to-- 00:24:50.760 --> 00:24:52.590 align:middle line:84% Channing Bishop comes by the house, 00:24:52.590 --> 00:24:57.330 align:middle line:84% and he makes a joke about Penny, the narrator, 00:24:57.330 --> 00:24:59.370 align:middle line:84% studying art history or something, 00:24:59.370 --> 00:25:03.540 align:middle line:84% because once he'd been by before, 00:25:03.540 --> 00:25:06.630 align:middle line:84% and she was looking at art books while she 00:25:06.630 --> 00:25:10.942 align:middle line:84% was trying to eavesdrop on the adults' conversation. 00:25:10.942 --> 00:25:12.900 align:middle line:84% And I think that's everything you need to know. 00:25:12.900 --> 00:25:15.400 align:middle line:90% 00:25:15.400 --> 00:25:15.900 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:25:15.900 --> 00:25:19.490 align:middle line:90% So this is Chapter 5. 00:25:19.490 --> 00:25:23.450 align:middle line:84% "According to the Meander newspaper's newcomers column, 00:25:23.450 --> 00:25:25.910 align:middle line:84% my family's favorite activities were 00:25:25.910 --> 00:25:30.710 align:middle line:84% hikes in the woods and water sports at their summer home. 00:25:30.710 --> 00:25:34.400 align:middle line:84% I look at this clipping today and wonder, hikes? 00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:35.990 align:middle line:90% Water sports? 00:25:35.990 --> 00:25:40.040 align:middle line:84% Did water sports mean playing chicken on inner tubes? 00:25:40.040 --> 00:25:43.340 align:middle line:84% Did my parents say water sports, or was that something dreamed up 00:25:43.340 --> 00:25:45.740 align:middle line:90% by the newspaper man? 00:25:45.740 --> 00:25:50.780 align:middle line:84% Both reporter and photographer, he had been a bossy guy. 00:25:50.780 --> 00:25:53.450 align:middle line:84% My mother should stand beside the kitchen's barbecue. 00:25:53.450 --> 00:25:54.290 align:middle line:90% No, not there. 00:25:54.290 --> 00:25:55.140 align:middle line:90% Here. 00:25:55.140 --> 00:25:56.390 align:middle line:90% What's the little girl's name? 00:25:56.390 --> 00:25:59.530 align:middle line:84% Somebody comb her hair, why don't you? 00:25:59.530 --> 00:26:03.010 align:middle line:84% With his knee, the photographer nudged Nancy closer to my father 00:26:03.010 --> 00:26:04.810 align:middle line:90% on the breakfast nook's banquet. 00:26:04.810 --> 00:26:07.180 align:middle line:84% Then he asked my mother, 'what are you saying you 00:26:07.180 --> 00:26:09.800 align:middle line:90% got in the pan there, missus? 00:26:09.800 --> 00:26:14.220 align:middle line:84% 'Frijoles,' read the caption that appeared in the newspaper. 00:26:14.220 --> 00:26:17.790 align:middle line:84% 'Mrs. Robert Powell stirs frijoles, 00:26:17.790 --> 00:26:21.680 align:middle line:84% a vital part of the international theme dinners 00:26:21.680 --> 00:26:23.810 align:middle line:90% enjoyed by the family of four.' 00:26:23.810 --> 00:26:26.780 align:middle line:90% 00:26:26.780 --> 00:26:29.900 align:middle line:90% International theme dinners? 00:26:29.900 --> 00:26:33.830 align:middle line:84% In the photograph, Nancy and I and our father 00:26:33.830 --> 00:26:37.880 align:middle line:84% sit in the breakfast nook while, spoon in hand, our mother 00:26:37.880 --> 00:26:41.150 align:middle line:84% pretends to cook at the never quite functional 00:26:41.150 --> 00:26:45.530 align:middle line:84% but exceptionally handsome brick barbecue. 00:26:45.530 --> 00:26:47.000 align:middle line:90% Our postures are bad. 00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:49.520 align:middle line:90% I show all my big buck teeth. 00:26:49.520 --> 00:26:52.100 align:middle line:90% My father wears white socks. 00:26:52.100 --> 00:26:55.890 align:middle line:84% Still, we looked happy in a way that sophisticated people, 00:26:55.890 --> 00:26:59.030 align:middle line:84% for all their handsome arrangements of limb and lips, 00:26:59.030 --> 00:27:01.370 align:middle line:90% rarely managed to look. 00:27:01.370 --> 00:27:04.670 align:middle line:84% One reason I married my first husband-- 00:27:04.670 --> 00:27:07.130 align:middle line:84% when he saw that photograph, he said, 00:27:07.130 --> 00:27:11.855 align:middle line:84% sounding like some old softy looking into a pet shop window, 00:27:11.855 --> 00:27:13.070 align:middle line:90% 'Aww. 00:27:13.070 --> 00:27:16.280 align:middle line:84% And you can even see your mom's not stirring anything in that 00:27:16.280 --> 00:27:18.140 align:middle line:90% pan, can't you?' 00:27:18.140 --> 00:27:22.690 align:middle line:90% 00:27:22.690 --> 00:27:26.380 align:middle line:84% The afternoon that the newcomers article appeared, 00:27:26.380 --> 00:27:29.440 align:middle line:84% Chan Bishop came by to drop off a copy he'd 00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:31.900 align:middle line:90% torn from his own newspaper. 00:27:31.900 --> 00:27:35.110 align:middle line:84% When I answered the door, he pretended to be shocked. 00:27:35.110 --> 00:27:38.320 align:middle line:84% 'What's this, Patty?' He said. 'Taking time off from your study 00:27:38.320 --> 00:27:42.100 align:middle line:84% of art history to fraternize with the neighbors?' 00:27:42.100 --> 00:27:45.430 align:middle line:84% I understood that he teased me, and that I shouldn't act 00:27:45.430 --> 00:27:47.800 align:middle line:90% too impressed by his manner. 00:27:47.800 --> 00:27:50.890 align:middle line:84% It alarmed me, though, that someone who didn't even 00:27:50.890 --> 00:27:54.340 align:middle line:84% know my name felt free to look into 00:27:54.340 --> 00:27:57.440 align:middle line:90% and comment upon my character. 00:27:57.440 --> 00:28:00.800 align:middle line:84% 'Actually, my name's Penny,' I said. 00:28:00.800 --> 00:28:02.930 align:middle line:84% I sensed my mother coming up behind me, 00:28:02.930 --> 00:28:05.360 align:middle line:90% and wished she would go back. 00:28:05.360 --> 00:28:07.880 align:middle line:84% My father had just called to say he'd 00:28:07.880 --> 00:28:10.760 align:middle line:84% be waylaid in Dolores another day or two, 00:28:10.760 --> 00:28:13.040 align:middle line:84% and even though my mother wore her glasses, 00:28:13.040 --> 00:28:17.000 align:middle line:84% you could see her eyes were red from crying. 00:28:17.000 --> 00:28:20.810 align:middle line:84% Also, whatever the ambitions of her shirtwaist, 00:28:20.810 --> 00:28:25.640 align:middle line:84% the fabric blue and white and--" excuse me. 00:28:25.640 --> 00:28:30.560 align:middle line:84% "The fabric, blue and white and depicting gardens and pavilions, 00:28:30.560 --> 00:28:33.980 align:middle line:84% men in powdered wigs down on their knees 00:28:33.980 --> 00:28:38.210 align:middle line:84% in front of women with small, up-thrust bosoms, 00:28:38.210 --> 00:28:41.900 align:middle line:84% it seemed to me to look like a bedspread. 00:28:41.900 --> 00:28:46.610 align:middle line:84% And I was, I'm sorry to admit, shamefully miserable 00:28:46.610 --> 00:28:48.350 align:middle line:90% about the fact. 00:28:48.350 --> 00:28:51.890 align:middle line:84% I wanted Chan Bishop to admire my mother. 00:28:51.890 --> 00:28:54.590 align:middle line:84% I wanted him to have the sort of teasing friendship 00:28:54.590 --> 00:28:57.950 align:middle line:84% with her that he had with Margret Woolum-- 00:28:57.950 --> 00:29:00.230 align:middle line:84% something that would define my mother as 00:29:00.230 --> 00:29:01.670 align:middle line:90% welcome in that world, too. 00:29:01.670 --> 00:29:04.370 align:middle line:90% 00:29:04.370 --> 00:29:06.050 align:middle line:90% 'Now, don't worry.' 00:29:06.050 --> 00:29:10.490 align:middle line:84% Chan nodded at the record album and six-pack of beer, 00:29:10.490 --> 00:29:14.390 align:middle line:84% one already punched open, that he carried in his arms. 00:29:14.390 --> 00:29:16.880 align:middle line:84% 'I'm not descending upon you, Dotty. 00:29:16.880 --> 00:29:19.225 align:middle line:84% I was on my way to the Krauses' for dinner, 00:29:19.225 --> 00:29:22.100 align:middle line:84% and I just thought I'd drop by with this.' 00:29:22.100 --> 00:29:25.340 align:middle line:84% He maneuvered his clipping of the newcomer article 00:29:25.340 --> 00:29:27.260 align:middle line:90% from his pocket. 00:29:27.260 --> 00:29:28.010 align:middle line:90% 'Oh. 00:29:28.010 --> 00:29:32.720 align:middle line:84% Well, thanks.' As if counting the pulses in her artery, 00:29:32.720 --> 00:29:36.320 align:middle line:84% my mother held her free hand upon her neck. 00:29:36.320 --> 00:29:39.350 align:middle line:84% The Woolums and Chan Bishop made her nervous. 00:29:39.350 --> 00:29:42.050 align:middle line:84% I'd heard her say so to my father. 00:29:42.050 --> 00:29:45.170 align:middle line:84% 'Of course,' Chan grinned, 'you girls could let me come 00:29:45.170 --> 00:29:49.220 align:middle line:84% in and drink a beer, and thus spare me a good half an hour 00:29:49.220 --> 00:29:53.450 align:middle line:84% of listening to the Krauses explain how they knew Haldis 00:29:53.450 --> 00:29:58.790 align:middle line:84% and I had trouble, but they hadn't wanted to interfere.' 00:29:58.790 --> 00:30:02.240 align:middle line:84% I flushed at the name of his ex-wife. 00:30:02.240 --> 00:30:07.190 align:middle line:84% I thought of this Haldis as a criminal and outcast. 00:30:07.190 --> 00:30:09.560 align:middle line:84% My mother, however, just smiled and said, 00:30:09.560 --> 00:30:13.150 align:middle line:90% 'ah,' and invited him in. 00:30:13.150 --> 00:30:15.160 align:middle line:84% As Chan went into the living room, 00:30:15.160 --> 00:30:18.490 align:middle line:84% he insisted my mother must hear his record album. 00:30:18.490 --> 00:30:20.410 align:middle line:90% Nancy arrived home. 00:30:20.410 --> 00:30:23.140 align:middle line:84% Supposedly, she'd been at the library, 00:30:23.140 --> 00:30:26.740 align:middle line:84% but her whole being radiated with the marvelous adult 00:30:26.740 --> 00:30:30.550 align:middle line:84% odors of cigarette smoke and the perfumes she 00:30:30.550 --> 00:30:33.580 align:middle line:84% and her friends had tried on downtown. 00:30:33.580 --> 00:30:36.820 align:middle line:84% Since moving to Meander, Nancy had figured out 00:30:36.820 --> 00:30:41.530 align:middle line:84% how to approximate the hairdo worn by Elizabeth Taylor in Cat 00:30:41.530 --> 00:30:43.630 align:middle line:90% on a Hot Tin Roof-- 00:30:43.630 --> 00:30:48.460 align:middle line:84% combed back from the brow, then forward onto her cheeks. 00:30:48.460 --> 00:30:51.340 align:middle line:84% She now owned a tube of pale lipstick 00:30:51.340 --> 00:30:57.010 align:middle line:84% and a compact of cream beige powder for chin and nose. 00:30:57.010 --> 00:31:00.970 align:middle line:84% 'How humiliating,' she cried, when my mother handed her 00:31:00.970 --> 00:31:03.010 align:middle line:90% the newcomers clipping. 00:31:03.010 --> 00:31:07.270 align:middle line:84% 'Anyone can see there's nothing in that pan.' 00:31:07.270 --> 00:31:13.990 align:middle line:84% 'Oh, pooh,' said my mother, as if she saw beans plain as day. 00:31:13.990 --> 00:31:16.960 align:middle line:84% The neighborhood cleaning lady, Bea Dart, 00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:18.610 align:middle line:90% now cleaned for us, too. 00:31:18.610 --> 00:31:21.370 align:middle line:84% And as Bea walked through the hall with a vacuum cleaner, 00:31:21.370 --> 00:31:24.880 align:middle line:84% my mother called, 'Bea, do you think this pan looks empty 00:31:24.880 --> 00:31:27.250 align:middle line:90% or not?' 00:31:27.250 --> 00:31:31.730 align:middle line:84% Bea Dart set down the vacuum, then stepped into the kitchen. 00:31:31.730 --> 00:31:33.970 align:middle line:84% She was probably no older than my mother. 00:31:33.970 --> 00:31:36.130 align:middle line:90% She may even have been younger. 00:31:36.130 --> 00:31:40.420 align:middle line:84% But she was worn, huge, her calves above her anklets 00:31:40.420 --> 00:31:46.180 align:middle line:84% thick with bulging veins, the skin beneath her eyes 00:31:46.180 --> 00:31:49.270 align:middle line:84% a wrinkly velvet brown that made me think 00:31:49.270 --> 00:31:52.910 align:middle line:90% of the gills of mushrooms. 00:31:52.910 --> 00:31:55.640 align:middle line:84% Out in the living room, the stereo needle 00:31:55.640 --> 00:31:59.300 align:middle line:84% made a little skip, then a song sung in French 00:31:59.300 --> 00:32:04.430 align:middle line:84% by some husky-voiced chanteuse filled the downstairs. 00:32:04.430 --> 00:32:07.070 align:middle line:84% 'That must be Mr. Bishop,' Bea said, 00:32:07.070 --> 00:32:09.410 align:middle line:84% and she picked up the newspaper photo. 00:32:09.410 --> 00:32:12.450 align:middle line:90% 'He likes that foreign stuff. 00:32:12.450 --> 00:32:16.450 align:middle line:84% Hmm.' She handed the newcomers article back to my mother. 00:32:16.450 --> 00:32:20.020 align:middle line:84% 'You look real pretty there, Mrs. Powell,' she said. 00:32:20.020 --> 00:32:22.870 align:middle line:90% I nodded, happy and grateful. 00:32:22.870 --> 00:32:25.390 align:middle line:84% 'Oh,' said my mother. 'I mean, thank you. 00:32:25.390 --> 00:32:26.110 align:middle line:90% Thank you, Bea. 00:32:26.110 --> 00:32:28.150 align:middle line:90% But, look at this pan. 00:32:28.150 --> 00:32:31.270 align:middle line:84% Do you think people would know it's empty?' 00:32:31.270 --> 00:32:35.510 align:middle line:84% 'Well,' Bea cocked her head to one side, 00:32:35.510 --> 00:32:38.230 align:middle line:84% 'there's no reason somebody might not think that you got 00:32:38.230 --> 00:32:39.760 align:middle line:84% a little bit of something in there.' 00:32:39.760 --> 00:32:43.180 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:32:43.180 --> 00:32:45.550 align:middle line:84% Then she and my mother went out in the hall 00:32:45.550 --> 00:32:47.740 align:middle line:84% so my mother could locate her purse 00:32:47.740 --> 00:32:51.220 align:middle line:90% and write out Bea's paycheck. 00:32:51.220 --> 00:32:52.960 align:middle line:90% 'I look ugly.' 00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:56.020 align:middle line:84% Nancy seized up the clipping. 'And I don't even look like this 00:32:56.020 --> 00:32:59.170 align:middle line:84% now, but everyone who sees it will remember what a dork I was 00:32:59.170 --> 00:33:01.590 align:middle line:90% when school started.' 00:33:01.590 --> 00:33:04.500 align:middle line:84% Chan, entering the kitchen, placed his hands 00:33:04.500 --> 00:33:06.900 align:middle line:84% over his ears, his eyes, his mouth-- 00:33:06.900 --> 00:33:09.390 align:middle line:90% the three monkeys of discretion. 00:33:09.390 --> 00:33:12.630 align:middle line:84% I was pleased that he assumed we'd understand what he meant, 00:33:12.630 --> 00:33:16.890 align:middle line:84% but Nancy stomped from the room and up the stairs. 00:33:16.890 --> 00:33:20.580 align:middle line:84% With a laugh, Chan took a seat on the kitchen nook banquet 00:33:20.580 --> 00:33:24.240 align:middle line:84% and pulled me down on his knee, which meant I immediately 00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:27.060 align:middle line:84% pegged him as the type who showed his friendship for adults 00:33:27.060 --> 00:33:30.360 align:middle line:84% by acting friendly towards their sons and daughters. 00:33:30.360 --> 00:33:32.550 align:middle line:90% Still, I stayed put. 00:33:32.550 --> 00:33:35.070 align:middle line:84% I didn't respect myself for it, but I 00:33:35.070 --> 00:33:37.560 align:middle line:84% seemed unable to resist even what 00:33:37.560 --> 00:33:40.930 align:middle line:90% I took to be fake affection. 00:33:40.930 --> 00:33:42.760 align:middle line:84% When my mother returned to the kitchen, 00:33:42.760 --> 00:33:46.780 align:middle line:84% Chan explained to her that he'd been in France that summer. 00:33:46.780 --> 00:33:49.510 align:middle line:84% He'd heard the woman on his record album 00:33:49.510 --> 00:33:52.080 align:middle line:90% while he was in Paris. 00:33:52.080 --> 00:33:53.340 align:middle line:90% She smiled and nodded. 00:33:53.340 --> 00:33:54.810 align:middle line:90% She was working on dinner-- 00:33:54.810 --> 00:33:58.020 align:middle line:84% a meatloaf of hamburger, seasoned with Lipton's onion 00:33:58.020 --> 00:34:03.000 align:middle line:84% soup and ketchup and extended with oatmeal and eggs. 00:34:03.000 --> 00:34:05.550 align:middle line:84% I pointed to the empty record cover 00:34:05.550 --> 00:34:07.590 align:middle line:90% Chan had set on the table-- 00:34:07.590 --> 00:34:09.840 align:middle line:84% a tousle-haired young blond woman, 00:34:09.840 --> 00:34:14.520 align:middle line:84% clad in only a man's pajama top, throwing open her shutters 00:34:14.520 --> 00:34:17.155 align:middle line:90% on a view of the Eiffel Tower. 00:34:17.155 --> 00:34:18.030 align:middle line:90% 'Is that the singer?' 00:34:18.030 --> 00:34:19.590 align:middle line:90% I asked. 00:34:19.590 --> 00:34:20.760 align:middle line:90% Chan laughed. 00:34:20.760 --> 00:34:22.050 align:middle line:90% 'Afraid not, Penny.' 00:34:22.050 --> 00:34:24.120 align:middle line:84% This is what we pretend the singer looks 00:34:24.120 --> 00:34:27.300 align:middle line:90% like while we listen to her. 00:34:27.300 --> 00:34:29.159 align:middle line:84% He tapped the cover with a fingernail 00:34:29.159 --> 00:34:32.940 align:middle line:84% that was as pale as shell against his tanned skin. 00:34:32.940 --> 00:34:38.429 align:middle line:84% Then he murmured, 'But Haldis, she had legs like this gal.' 00:34:38.429 --> 00:34:41.639 align:middle line:84% I glanced over at my mother, now busy working the soup mix 00:34:41.639 --> 00:34:43.050 align:middle line:90% into the meat. 00:34:43.050 --> 00:34:46.030 align:middle line:84% On behalf of her and a host of others-- 00:34:46.030 --> 00:34:48.389 align:middle line:84% including, perhaps, my future self-- 00:34:48.389 --> 00:34:53.770 align:middle line:84% I said, imagining myself clever and opaque, 00:34:53.770 --> 00:34:56.380 align:middle line:84% 'but don't you think that name Haldis, 00:34:56.380 --> 00:35:01.360 align:middle line:84% it sounds like a mineral, or maybe some kind of fish.' 00:35:01.360 --> 00:35:04.970 align:middle line:84% Chan laughed, then look back at the photo. 00:35:04.970 --> 00:35:09.250 align:middle line:84% 'Haldis loved having her picture taken,' he said. 00:35:09.250 --> 00:35:13.060 align:middle line:84% My mother glanced up from her work with a droll smile. 00:35:13.060 --> 00:35:15.820 align:middle line:84% According to our lights, Chan had just 00:35:15.820 --> 00:35:19.090 align:middle line:84% told us something that put his ex-wife in the wrong, 00:35:19.090 --> 00:35:22.600 align:middle line:84% revealed her conceit, and this meant that we were all 00:35:22.600 --> 00:35:24.840 align:middle line:90% becoming friends. 00:35:24.840 --> 00:35:28.350 align:middle line:84% Chan, however, didn't return my mother's smile. 00:35:28.350 --> 00:35:32.230 align:middle line:84% He stood abruptly, tipping me from his knee, 00:35:32.230 --> 00:35:35.940 align:middle line:84% and while my mother quickly looked down, abashed, 00:35:35.940 --> 00:35:38.400 align:middle line:84% he walked to the refrigerator, opened it, 00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:43.076 align:middle line:84% and took out one of the beers that he had stashed there. 00:35:43.076 --> 00:35:47.760 align:middle line:84% 'Haldis.' He stared into the blank face of the refrigerator-- 00:35:47.760 --> 00:35:49.500 align:middle line:90% his old refrigerator. 00:35:49.500 --> 00:35:52.920 align:middle line:90% Haldis' and his refrigerator. 00:35:52.920 --> 00:35:55.800 align:middle line:84% 'Haldis was a true beauty,' he said. 00:35:55.800 --> 00:35:57.420 align:middle line:84% And then he did look to my mother 00:35:57.420 --> 00:36:01.080 align:middle line:84% for a reaction, his face a little sly, 00:36:01.080 --> 00:36:03.480 align:middle line:84% like the face of a boy who watches 00:36:03.480 --> 00:36:07.290 align:middle line:84% to see if his parents will reprimand him for some minor, 00:36:07.290 --> 00:36:09.760 align:middle line:90% but dirty bit of business. 00:36:09.760 --> 00:36:12.880 align:middle line:84% With a quick stroke, my mother cracked an egg 00:36:12.880 --> 00:36:17.920 align:middle line:84% on the rim of her metal bowl, tossed the shell into the sink. 00:36:17.920 --> 00:36:20.260 align:middle line:90% 'A true beauty.' 00:36:20.260 --> 00:36:22.450 align:middle line:84% The words reverberated in my head 00:36:22.450 --> 00:36:24.880 align:middle line:84% like the last words of a chorale. 00:36:24.880 --> 00:36:29.770 align:middle line:84% And with all my heart, I wished that Chan would say, 00:36:29.770 --> 00:36:34.170 align:middle line:84% 'you're a true beauty too, of course, Dotty.' 00:36:34.170 --> 00:36:36.720 align:middle line:84% I didn't, however, expect to look up and see 00:36:36.720 --> 00:36:39.600 align:middle line:84% him moving towards her, reaching an arm around her. 00:36:39.600 --> 00:36:42.270 align:middle line:90% And I shrieked in alarm, 'Mom!' 00:36:42.270 --> 00:36:45.960 align:middle line:84% Instinctively, she shrieked, too. 00:36:45.960 --> 00:36:49.650 align:middle line:84% 'Hey!' Chan turned, hands up in the air. 00:36:49.650 --> 00:36:52.260 align:middle line:84% 'This is all I was after, ladies.' 00:36:52.260 --> 00:36:55.980 align:middle line:84% Slowly, like a criminal showing his weapon to the police, 00:36:55.980 --> 00:36:58.710 align:middle line:84% he brought forth a can opener from behind a curtain 00:36:58.710 --> 00:37:00.150 align:middle line:90% over the sink. 00:37:00.150 --> 00:37:00.990 align:middle line:90% 'See? 00:37:00.990 --> 00:37:03.750 align:middle line:90% It's my old church key.' 00:37:03.750 --> 00:37:05.940 align:middle line:90% 'For heaven's sakes, Penny.' 00:37:05.940 --> 00:37:08.940 align:middle line:84% Red-faced, my mother stared back into the bowl of meat. 00:37:08.940 --> 00:37:12.780 align:middle line:84% 'For heaven's sakes, you half scared me out of my skin. 00:37:12.780 --> 00:37:16.020 align:middle line:90% Just go find something to do.' 00:37:16.020 --> 00:37:17.910 align:middle line:90% 'That's right,' Chan grinned. 00:37:17.910 --> 00:37:20.070 align:middle line:84% 'Go gargle with peanut butter, kid. 00:37:20.070 --> 00:37:22.470 align:middle line:90% Go play in traffic.' 00:37:22.470 --> 00:37:25.590 align:middle line:84% My mother started to protest, then stopped herself 00:37:25.590 --> 00:37:27.480 align:middle line:90% and laughed instead. 00:37:27.480 --> 00:37:30.630 align:middle line:84% To show I was a good sport, I smiled, too. 00:37:30.630 --> 00:37:32.400 align:middle line:90% But Chan was done with me. 00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:34.470 align:middle line:84% He turned toward my mother and began 00:37:34.470 --> 00:37:36.600 align:middle line:84% to tell her how Haldis had bought 00:37:36.600 --> 00:37:39.450 align:middle line:84% the material for the kitchen curtains on one of their trips 00:37:39.450 --> 00:37:41.070 align:middle line:90% to Bali. 00:37:41.070 --> 00:37:42.480 align:middle line:90% 'Do you know Bali, Dorothy?' 00:37:42.480 --> 00:37:44.150 align:middle line:90% he asked. 00:37:44.150 --> 00:37:44.700 align:middle line:90% Dotty. 00:37:44.700 --> 00:37:46.320 align:middle line:90% He called her Dorothy. 00:37:46.320 --> 00:37:48.840 align:middle line:90% He went back and forth. 00:37:48.840 --> 00:37:51.960 align:middle line:84% 'The people in Bali, they don't have art, Dorothy. 00:37:51.960 --> 00:37:54.100 align:middle line:84% They say, no matter what they do, 00:37:54.100 --> 00:37:56.820 align:middle line:90% they do it as well as they can.' 00:37:56.820 --> 00:38:00.390 align:middle line:84% My mother looked up from patting the meat into a loaf pan. 00:38:00.390 --> 00:38:02.070 align:middle line:90% 'That's nice,' she said. 00:38:02.070 --> 00:38:05.080 align:middle line:90% 'So everything's art, then.' 00:38:05.080 --> 00:38:06.910 align:middle line:90% 'Everything or nothing.' 00:38:06.910 --> 00:38:09.730 align:middle line:84% Chan took a long drink from his can of beer. 00:38:09.730 --> 00:38:14.990 align:middle line:84% So, where's the boss today?' he asked. 'Is he off making roads?' 00:38:14.990 --> 00:38:19.580 align:middle line:84% She nodded, then, a little teary-eyed, bit her lip. 00:38:19.580 --> 00:38:23.650 align:middle line:90% 'She misses him,' I murmured. 00:38:23.650 --> 00:38:27.310 align:middle line:84% Chan studied her for a second, then tipped the last of his beer 00:38:27.310 --> 00:38:29.020 align:middle line:90% into his mouth. 00:38:29.020 --> 00:38:31.210 align:middle line:90% 'Of course she does,' he said. 00:38:31.210 --> 00:38:32.005 align:middle line:90% 'He's a lucky guy.' 00:38:32.005 --> 00:38:34.670 align:middle line:90% 00:38:34.670 --> 00:38:36.500 align:middle line:84% I liked Chan Bishop for saying that. 00:38:36.500 --> 00:38:39.560 align:middle line:84% And later, after he'd gone on to the Krauses for dinner 00:38:39.560 --> 00:38:42.260 align:middle line:84% and Margret Woolum came by, I tried 00:38:42.260 --> 00:38:48.230 align:middle line:84% to think of a way I might repeat his praise in her presence. 00:38:48.230 --> 00:38:49.940 align:middle line:84% I'd settled myself in the breakfast 00:38:49.940 --> 00:38:52.320 align:middle line:90% nook with colored pencils. 00:38:52.320 --> 00:38:54.590 align:middle line:84% It seemed a legitimate occupation 00:38:54.590 --> 00:38:58.220 align:middle line:84% while I eavesdropped on the women's conversation. 00:38:58.220 --> 00:39:02.540 align:middle line:84% The meatloaf was baking alongside three big potatoes. 00:39:02.540 --> 00:39:06.320 align:middle line:84% I was drawing a jay, with black eyes made extra bright 00:39:06.320 --> 00:39:10.430 align:middle line:84% by the squares of reflection I included on each pupil, 00:39:10.430 --> 00:39:13.400 align:middle line:84% and Margret Woolum was telling my mother 00:39:13.400 --> 00:39:17.780 align:middle line:84% how Chan had given Haldis a Mercedes-Benz after she 00:39:17.780 --> 00:39:19.070 align:middle line:90% left him. 00:39:19.070 --> 00:39:20.360 align:middle line:90% 'Can you imagine that?' 00:39:20.360 --> 00:39:22.740 align:middle line:90% Margret said. 00:39:22.740 --> 00:39:27.750 align:middle line:84% 'Mercedes-Benz,' I mouthed, just as I mouthed the words my mother 00:39:27.750 --> 00:39:31.800 align:middle line:84% had written on an index card pinned to the bulletin board. 00:39:31.800 --> 00:39:33.120 align:middle line:90% 'Dialectical. 00:39:33.120 --> 00:39:34.410 align:middle line:90% Sine qua. 00:39:34.410 --> 00:39:39.570 align:middle line:84% Etiolate.' I'd never heard of a Mercedes-Benz. 00:39:39.570 --> 00:39:41.850 align:middle line:90% I pictured a wild animal-- 00:39:41.850 --> 00:39:48.330 align:middle line:84% wild, furry, made up into a coat of unimaginable splendor. 00:39:48.330 --> 00:39:51.030 align:middle line:84% Just recently, I'd learned about chinchillas 00:39:51.030 --> 00:39:53.880 align:middle line:84% when Margret Woolum brought home hers from the cleaner's 00:39:53.880 --> 00:39:55.440 align:middle line:90% cold storage. 00:39:55.440 --> 00:39:57.960 align:middle line:84% Each fall, according to Eleanor Woolum, 00:39:57.960 --> 00:40:02.160 align:middle line:84% her mother installed the chinchilla and a blue fox 00:40:02.160 --> 00:40:06.100 align:middle line:84% in the cool closet of the family guestroom. 00:40:06.100 --> 00:40:09.220 align:middle line:84% One afternoon, home alone, Eleanor and I 00:40:09.220 --> 00:40:13.390 align:middle line:84% had become so intoxicated by the fur's glamour 00:40:13.390 --> 00:40:15.670 align:middle line:84% that we'd stripped naked in order 00:40:15.670 --> 00:40:20.020 align:middle line:84% to take in more of those lofty coats, the cool slip 00:40:20.020 --> 00:40:22.930 align:middle line:90% of their satin linings. 00:40:22.930 --> 00:40:25.510 align:middle line:84% 'Chan said he'd take us out to his parents' home 00:40:25.510 --> 00:40:27.640 align:middle line:84% sometime,' my mother told Margret. 00:40:27.640 --> 00:40:31.180 align:middle line:84% 'Is it really as grand as people say?' 00:40:31.180 --> 00:40:35.600 align:middle line:84% 'Oh.' Margret emitted a regal blast of cigarette smoke. 00:40:35.600 --> 00:40:37.660 align:middle line:90% 'It's impossible, really. 00:40:37.660 --> 00:40:40.240 align:middle line:84% They live in just a fraction of it.' 00:40:40.240 --> 00:40:43.450 align:middle line:84% Then she went on to tell my mother how the senior Bishops 00:40:43.450 --> 00:40:45.370 align:middle line:84% were charming, really, but they'd 00:40:45.370 --> 00:40:48.280 align:middle line:84% marched Chan and his brother off to schools in the East 00:40:48.280 --> 00:40:50.200 align:middle line:90% at some awful age. 00:40:50.200 --> 00:40:52.330 align:middle line:90% 'Six, I think. 00:40:52.330 --> 00:40:56.610 align:middle line:84% They were hardly home until they came back to run the pack.' 00:40:56.610 --> 00:40:59.760 align:middle line:84% Margret stretched her mouth wide to dramatize her horror, 00:40:59.760 --> 00:41:02.820 align:middle line:84% then let loose her throaty, exasperated laugh. 00:41:02.820 --> 00:41:04.710 align:middle line:90% 'Who understands men? 00:41:04.710 --> 00:41:07.170 align:middle line:84% As soon as Chan and Haldis had Mike, 00:41:07.170 --> 00:41:10.380 align:middle line:84% Chan started talking about sending him off to school. 00:41:10.380 --> 00:41:13.910 align:middle line:84% They fought about it, believe me.' 00:41:13.910 --> 00:41:18.560 align:middle line:84% In a quiet, careful voice, my mother asked, 'Did you like her, 00:41:18.560 --> 00:41:20.680 align:middle line:90% Haldis?' 00:41:20.680 --> 00:41:22.840 align:middle line:90% 'Oh, Haldis was wonderful. 00:41:22.840 --> 00:41:25.540 align:middle line:84% The two couples had wonderful times together. 00:41:25.540 --> 00:41:28.150 align:middle line:84% Season tickets for the opera in Chicago, 00:41:28.150 --> 00:41:32.230 align:middle line:84% some terrific vacations, plus the kids were friends.' 00:41:32.230 --> 00:41:33.880 align:middle line:90% My mother nodded. 00:41:33.880 --> 00:41:38.040 align:middle line:84% 'I suppose you were shocked about what happened.' 00:41:38.040 --> 00:41:40.260 align:middle line:84% Margret tilted her head to one side, 00:41:40.260 --> 00:41:43.020 align:middle line:90% looked my mother over a bit. 00:41:43.020 --> 00:41:46.200 align:middle line:84% 'Well,' she drawled, 'no, honey, I wasn't shocked. 00:41:46.200 --> 00:41:50.120 align:middle line:84% Everyone else seemed to be, but no, I wasn't.' 00:41:50.120 --> 00:41:52.310 align:middle line:84% My mother glanced my way, then said, 00:41:52.310 --> 00:41:55.760 align:middle line:84% her voice lowered, 'I guess he's having a hard time of it. 00:41:55.760 --> 00:41:58.580 align:middle line:84% I didn't mean to count, but he had an open beer when he 00:41:58.580 --> 00:42:03.070 align:middle line:84% arrived, and he finished two more while he talked to me.' 00:42:03.070 --> 00:42:07.630 align:middle line:84% Margret tapped a teasing finger on my mother's arm. 00:42:07.630 --> 00:42:09.820 align:middle line:84% 'Maybe you made him nervous, Dorothy. 00:42:09.820 --> 00:42:11.950 align:middle line:84% He usually comes over for coffee in the morning 00:42:11.950 --> 00:42:13.390 align:middle line:90% before he leaves for the office. 00:42:13.390 --> 00:42:17.020 align:middle line:84% And from what I gather, he thinks you and Bob are Mr 00:42:17.020 --> 00:42:20.030 align:middle line:90% and Mrs. Wholesome Americana.' 00:42:20.030 --> 00:42:21.920 align:middle line:84% My mother eyed the clipping on the counter. 00:42:21.920 --> 00:42:24.620 align:middle line:84% 'I certainly look wholesome in that,' she said. 00:42:24.620 --> 00:42:25.970 align:middle line:90% 'Positively corn-fed.' 00:42:25.970 --> 00:42:28.850 align:middle line:90% 00:42:28.850 --> 00:42:32.480 align:middle line:84% Margret laced her fingers in a girdle across her flat belly, 00:42:32.480 --> 00:42:34.460 align:middle line:84% and explained that she had just spent 00:42:34.460 --> 00:42:38.390 align:middle line:84% a week on unflavored gelatin mixed with bullion. 00:42:38.390 --> 00:42:40.940 align:middle line:84% She knew all kinds of tricks, she said. 00:42:40.940 --> 00:42:43.880 align:middle line:84% Cigarettes helped, of course, and sit-ups. 00:42:43.880 --> 00:42:49.320 align:middle line:84% And, she half-whispered, 'Haldis and I used ex-lax once.' 00:42:49.320 --> 00:42:53.370 align:middle line:84% 'Ex-lax?' My mother's eyes opened wide. 00:42:53.370 --> 00:42:57.060 align:middle line:84% I felt an outrageous excitement at the idea of my mother 00:42:57.060 --> 00:42:59.460 align:middle line:84% changing into someone like Margret Woolum. 00:42:59.460 --> 00:43:02.370 align:middle line:84% And without thinking, I blurted, 'you know, Mom, 00:43:02.370 --> 00:43:03.610 align:middle line:90% grandma uses ex-lax.' 00:43:03.610 --> 00:43:06.630 align:middle line:90% 00:43:06.630 --> 00:43:09.390 align:middle line:84% The women looked over at me then. 00:43:09.390 --> 00:43:13.980 align:middle line:84% Without a word, they walked into the living room. 00:43:13.980 --> 00:43:15.763 align:middle line:84% A little while later, on my way upstairs, 00:43:15.763 --> 00:43:18.180 align:middle line:84% I heard them discussing the replacement of our living room 00:43:18.180 --> 00:43:20.820 align:middle line:84% furniture, my mother doing her best not 00:43:20.820 --> 00:43:24.690 align:middle line:84% to appear to ask advice, and Margret doing her best 00:43:24.690 --> 00:43:26.760 align:middle line:90% to appear not to offer it. 00:43:26.760 --> 00:43:29.640 align:middle line:84% 'And what about classes at the junior college?' 00:43:29.640 --> 00:43:33.270 align:middle line:84% My mother explained, she wanted to learn French. 00:43:33.270 --> 00:43:36.600 align:middle line:84% Margret said something that I suppose must be French, 00:43:36.600 --> 00:43:39.750 align:middle line:84% and my mother, sounding shy and grateful-- 00:43:39.750 --> 00:43:44.100 align:middle line:84% and a little impatient, too-- asked, 'well, what did you say?' 00:43:44.100 --> 00:43:48.030 align:middle line:84% Margret laughed, then translated in a sexy voice, 00:43:48.030 --> 00:43:51.630 align:middle line:90% 'have you a room for two?' 00:43:51.630 --> 00:43:53.760 align:middle line:84% I found Nancy in the upstairs hall. 00:43:53.760 --> 00:43:56.580 align:middle line:84% She was scowling, and wore only underpants 00:43:56.580 --> 00:44:01.140 align:middle line:84% and a shirt decorated with the design of blue American coins. 00:44:01.140 --> 00:44:03.390 align:middle line:84% On the floor in front of the hall mirror, 00:44:03.390 --> 00:44:06.780 align:middle line:84% the fashion magazine lay open to an article entitled, 00:44:06.780 --> 00:44:09.590 align:middle line:90% 'Do You Have Great Legs?' 00:44:09.590 --> 00:44:12.680 align:middle line:84% Knees touching, Nancy, bent from the waist, 00:44:12.680 --> 00:44:17.570 align:middle line:84% inserted a pencil between the fleshiest part of her thighs. 00:44:17.570 --> 00:44:20.210 align:middle line:84% According to the magazine, she explained, 00:44:20.210 --> 00:44:24.770 align:middle line:84% if she could do this without the pencils touching flesh, 00:44:24.770 --> 00:44:28.520 align:middle line:84% then her thighs were not too fat. 00:44:28.520 --> 00:44:30.680 align:middle line:84% It must have been October by then. 00:44:30.680 --> 00:44:33.470 align:middle line:90% Nancy had acquired a boyfriend-- 00:44:33.470 --> 00:44:36.590 align:middle line:84% not the high school Greek boy of her dreams, 00:44:36.590 --> 00:44:39.080 align:middle line:84% but a classmate shorter than herself, 00:44:39.080 --> 00:44:42.170 align:middle line:84% with a high, squeaking telephone voice. 00:44:42.170 --> 00:44:46.130 align:middle line:84% An unremarkable boy, but enviable all the same. 00:44:46.130 --> 00:44:49.970 align:middle line:84% The entire world seemed to be in sharper focus for Nancy 00:44:49.970 --> 00:44:54.290 align:middle line:84% now that she had a boyfriend to escort her through it. 00:44:54.290 --> 00:44:56.240 align:middle line:84% I lay down on my stomach to consider 00:44:56.240 --> 00:44:59.030 align:middle line:84% the legs of the model in Nancy's magazine. 00:44:59.030 --> 00:45:01.550 align:middle line:84% They were like the legs of the woman 00:45:01.550 --> 00:45:03.800 align:middle line:90% on the cover of Chan's record-- 00:45:03.800 --> 00:45:09.980 align:middle line:84% long, slim, supposedly like the legs of his ex-wife, Haldis. 00:45:09.980 --> 00:45:12.650 align:middle line:84% I thought of what Chan had said about Bali, 00:45:12.650 --> 00:45:16.490 align:middle line:84% and then I thought about the photographs of fat Russian women 00:45:16.490 --> 00:45:19.490 align:middle line:84% that the newspapers ran now and again-- 00:45:19.490 --> 00:45:23.180 align:middle line:84% enormous women shoveling snow from city streets, 00:45:23.180 --> 00:45:26.180 align:middle line:84% or, without what Westerners would have considered 00:45:26.180 --> 00:45:29.540 align:middle line:84% requisite shame, spreading their great selves 00:45:29.540 --> 00:45:31.970 align:middle line:90% across crowded beaches. 00:45:31.970 --> 00:45:33.440 align:middle line:90% Those photographs. 00:45:33.440 --> 00:45:36.920 align:middle line:84% They always struck me as some sort of encoded warning 00:45:36.920 --> 00:45:41.920 align:middle line:84% to females who might aspire towards equality. 00:45:41.920 --> 00:45:46.930 align:middle line:84% I rolled onto my back. 'Nancy, I said, did you ever think, 00:45:46.930 --> 00:45:48.550 align:middle line:90% what if everyone were beautiful? 00:45:48.550 --> 00:45:51.160 align:middle line:90% Would nobody be beautiful then?' 00:45:51.160 --> 00:45:55.420 align:middle line:84% 'That's impossible,' Nancy said. 'It's dumb.' 00:45:55.420 --> 00:45:57.377 align:middle line:90% 'But what if it were possible? 00:45:57.377 --> 00:45:58.210 align:middle line:90% And how do you know? 00:45:58.210 --> 00:46:01.400 align:middle line:84% Look at dogs, how dogs look alike. 00:46:01.400 --> 00:46:05.350 align:middle line:84% All Cocker spaniels, all German shepherds. 00:46:05.350 --> 00:46:09.310 align:middle line:84% Maybe someday, we'll all just be types.' 00:46:09.310 --> 00:46:11.050 align:middle line:90% Nancy didn't pay attention. 00:46:11.050 --> 00:46:13.180 align:middle line:84% Her voice dreamy, distracted, she 00:46:13.180 --> 00:46:16.600 align:middle line:84% said, 'I'm going to buy a raincoat like the one 00:46:16.600 --> 00:46:18.580 align:middle line:84% that lady's wearing on the cover. 00:46:18.580 --> 00:46:22.930 align:middle line:84% That's the same kind of raincoat that Audrey Hepburn wore in Love 00:46:22.930 --> 00:46:24.617 align:middle line:90% in the Afternoon.' 00:46:24.617 --> 00:46:27.640 align:middle line:84% [AUDIO OUT] given out even, and we never 00:46:27.640 --> 00:46:30.880 align:middle line:90% had to worry about those things. 00:46:30.880 --> 00:46:35.020 align:middle line:84% Forehead wrinkling, Nancy bent with her school ruler 00:46:35.020 --> 00:46:38.410 align:middle line:84% to measure the fold of flesh that formed 00:46:38.410 --> 00:46:41.500 align:middle line:90% when she executed a knee bend. 00:46:41.500 --> 00:46:45.280 align:middle line:84% She made a notation on a piece of paper, 00:46:45.280 --> 00:46:48.340 align:middle line:84% then fixed her bright eyes upon me and announced, 00:46:48.340 --> 00:46:51.340 align:middle line:84% 'Mrs. Woolum says Haldis Bishop was so skinny, 00:46:51.340 --> 00:46:55.560 align:middle line:84% her hip bones stuck out in front of her stomach.' 00:46:55.560 --> 00:46:56.640 align:middle line:90% Haldis Bishop. 00:46:56.640 --> 00:47:00.250 align:middle line:84% Why did everyone talk about Haldis Bishop? 00:47:00.250 --> 00:47:02.740 align:middle line:84% 'Some people don't have food and clothes.' 00:47:02.740 --> 00:47:06.160 align:middle line:84% I said, 'what if we didn't have food or clothes or a place 00:47:06.160 --> 00:47:07.780 align:middle line:90% to live?' 00:47:07.780 --> 00:47:11.590 align:middle line:84% 'Penny.' Nancy hung her face over me. 00:47:11.590 --> 00:47:13.930 align:middle line:84% All of a sudden, she started to grin. 00:47:13.930 --> 00:47:16.060 align:middle line:90% 'Now, promise you won't tell?' 00:47:16.060 --> 00:47:22.940 align:middle line:84% 'Tell what?' 'Well, I overheard Archie tell Dad that 00:47:22.940 --> 00:47:26.480 align:middle line:84% they'll clear over a million dollars the first two years 00:47:26.480 --> 00:47:30.120 align:middle line:90% the door plant's in operation.' 00:47:30.120 --> 00:47:32.760 align:middle line:84% The blissful feeling of release that spread through me 00:47:32.760 --> 00:47:35.310 align:middle line:84% almost immediately turned to suspicion. 00:47:35.310 --> 00:47:36.240 align:middle line:90% 'How'd you hear that?' 00:47:36.240 --> 00:47:37.980 align:middle line:90% I asked. 00:47:37.980 --> 00:47:40.230 align:middle line:90% 'Listening in on the phone.' 00:47:40.230 --> 00:47:43.080 align:middle line:84% She raised one full hand of fingers and a thumb 00:47:43.080 --> 00:47:46.050 align:middle line:84% from the other hand, wiggled them in the air. 00:47:46.050 --> 00:47:49.740 align:middle line:90% 'Six zeroes,' she said. 00:47:49.740 --> 00:47:51.600 align:middle line:90% I rolled onto my stomach. 00:47:51.600 --> 00:47:56.700 align:middle line:84% Six zeros formed in my head-- zeros with stick legs and arms, 00:47:56.700 --> 00:47:59.760 align:middle line:84% fat men tumbling into one another like something out 00:47:59.760 --> 00:48:03.330 align:middle line:84% of a math book, a drawing meant to make children 00:48:03.330 --> 00:48:05.820 align:middle line:90% laugh while they learn. 00:48:05.820 --> 00:48:09.090 align:middle line:84% 'Well, wait,' I said. 'Six zeroes is nothing.' 00:48:09.090 --> 00:48:11.705 align:middle line:84% Nancy frowned. 'Well, a one and six zeroes.' 00:48:11.705 --> 00:48:14.670 align:middle line:90% 00:48:14.670 --> 00:48:18.420 align:middle line:84% I tapped my finger against the three-prong outlet on the wall 00:48:18.420 --> 00:48:19.980 align:middle line:90% beside me. 00:48:19.980 --> 00:48:22.710 align:middle line:84% 'You know those masks were ones laughing and one's crying?' 00:48:22.710 --> 00:48:23.520 align:middle line:90% I asked. 00:48:23.520 --> 00:48:27.270 align:middle line:84% 'This thing looks like the crying one.' 00:48:27.270 --> 00:48:29.100 align:middle line:90% Nancy glanced my way. 00:48:29.100 --> 00:48:31.800 align:middle line:84% In a flat voice, she said, 'that's tragedy.' 00:48:31.800 --> 00:48:34.670 align:middle line:90% 00:48:34.670 --> 00:48:37.730 align:middle line:84% I pushed myself up onto my knees. 00:48:37.730 --> 00:48:40.730 align:middle line:84% Near the electrical outlet, a small metal flap 00:48:40.730 --> 00:48:44.990 align:middle line:84% led to what I knew was one of many tiny tunnels belonging 00:48:44.990 --> 00:48:48.890 align:middle line:84% to that house's obsolete vacuuming system. 00:48:48.890 --> 00:48:53.480 align:middle line:84% I lifted the flap, and pressed my ear to the opening. 00:48:53.480 --> 00:48:57.740 align:middle line:84% In stories, when a person located a spot like that, 00:48:57.740 --> 00:49:01.430 align:middle line:84% she'd end up hearing everything she wanted to hear, 00:49:01.430 --> 00:49:03.440 align:middle line:90% or didn't want to hear. 00:49:03.440 --> 00:49:07.400 align:middle line:84% And it seemed unfair to me that the tunnels in our house 00:49:07.400 --> 00:49:09.170 align:middle line:90% had nothing to say. 00:49:09.170 --> 00:49:11.870 align:middle line:84% All they gave back was a dull murmur 00:49:11.870 --> 00:49:14.180 align:middle line:90% you found inside seashells-- 00:49:14.180 --> 00:49:18.260 align:middle line:84% the tiny roar your blood made as it moved about inside 00:49:18.260 --> 00:49:18.860 align:middle line:90% your head." 00:49:18.860 --> 00:49:21.776 align:middle line:90% 00:49:21.776 --> 00:49:24.192 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:49:24.192 --> 00:49:24.692 align:middle line:90% Thanks. 00:49:24.692 --> 00:49:34.910 align:middle line:90% 00:49:34.910 --> 00:49:36.550 align:middle line:90% Thanks. 00:49:36.550 --> 00:49:38.950 align:middle line:90% You're a great audience. 00:49:38.950 --> 00:49:48.000 align:middle line:90%