WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.210 align:middle line:90% 00:00:01.210 --> 00:00:04.460 align:middle line:84% -- mean to me read, and now I get to be the one introducing 00:00:04.460 --> 00:00:08.660 align:middle line:84% the readers, that's fair, I think. 00:00:08.660 --> 00:00:09.710 align:middle line:90% They're back. 00:00:09.710 --> 00:00:11.990 align:middle line:84% Robert Boswell and Antonya Nelson who 00:00:11.990 --> 00:00:15.270 align:middle line:84% went to school here and graduated. 00:00:15.270 --> 00:00:16.790 align:middle line:84% We couldn't figure out just when. 00:00:16.790 --> 00:00:23.330 align:middle line:84% Somewhere in the vicinity of '81, '82, '83. 00:00:23.330 --> 00:00:25.760 align:middle line:84% I just want to make a couple of announcements first. 00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:29.330 align:middle line:84% One is that there's another reading 00:00:29.330 --> 00:00:32.250 align:middle line:90% as if this is easy enough. 00:00:32.250 --> 00:00:36.050 align:middle line:84% We also have William Kittredge and Annick Smith 00:00:36.050 --> 00:00:40.310 align:middle line:84% they're going to read tomorrow night at the DuVal auditorium 00:00:40.310 --> 00:00:42.290 align:middle line:90% at the hospital. 00:00:42.290 --> 00:00:45.630 align:middle line:84% I know this sounds strange, but there was a reason for this. 00:00:45.630 --> 00:00:47.900 align:middle line:90% There's actually parking there. 00:00:47.900 --> 00:00:51.080 align:middle line:84% And this has been advertised in, not 00:00:51.080 --> 00:00:55.770 align:middle line:84% the Weekly, somehow they missed it, but the rodeo week calendar. 00:00:55.770 --> 00:00:58.700 align:middle line:84% So we're hoping to get a lot of people. 00:00:58.700 --> 00:01:02.570 align:middle line:84% Unsuspecting snowbirds are going to fly into the hospital 00:01:02.570 --> 00:01:06.410 align:middle line:90% and hear about the West. 00:01:06.410 --> 00:01:08.390 align:middle line:84% William Kittredge is a nonfiction writer 00:01:08.390 --> 00:01:11.690 align:middle line:84% and Annick Smith has written a memoir called Homestead. 00:01:11.690 --> 00:01:16.200 align:middle line:84% And they both co-produced the film A River Runs Through It. 00:01:16.200 --> 00:01:20.030 align:middle line:84% So I hope you can all muster your energy and come by at 8 00:01:20.030 --> 00:01:21.380 align:middle line:90% o'clock tomorrow. 00:01:21.380 --> 00:01:24.920 align:middle line:84% You go in the main entrance of the hospital, actually. 00:01:24.920 --> 00:01:26.870 align:middle line:84% And you don't have to check in there 00:01:26.870 --> 00:01:31.790 align:middle line:84% you can just turn to the right to the DuVal auditorium. 00:01:31.790 --> 00:01:36.610 align:middle line:84% There's also a big deal writer's conference here in Tucson. 00:01:36.610 --> 00:01:39.560 align:middle line:84% Terry McMillan is going to be the keynote speaker. 00:01:39.560 --> 00:01:44.120 align:middle line:84% That runs March 1 through 3, through the extended University. 00:01:44.120 --> 00:01:47.900 align:middle line:84% And Terry will be reading Saturday night. 00:01:47.900 --> 00:01:49.580 align:middle line:90% She's the keynote speaker. 00:01:49.580 --> 00:01:52.780 align:middle line:84% And there will be agents and editors. 00:01:52.780 --> 00:01:55.040 align:middle line:84% And then you can come and schmooze 00:01:55.040 --> 00:02:00.500 align:middle line:84% with the New York types, as well as us locals. 00:02:00.500 --> 00:02:03.590 align:middle line:84% I really could not have pulled this together 00:02:03.590 --> 00:02:09.240 align:middle line:84% without the Poetry Center, with Karen Falkenstrom and Mark 00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:09.740 align:middle line:90% Wunderlich. 00:02:09.740 --> 00:02:12.960 align:middle line:84% There's a big learning curve in putting a reading series 00:02:12.960 --> 00:02:13.460 align:middle line:90% together. 00:02:13.460 --> 00:02:17.000 align:middle line:84% What I've been trying to do is resurrect Writers at Work, which 00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:20.060 align:middle line:84% somehow fizzled, I don't know why. 00:02:20.060 --> 00:02:22.850 align:middle line:84% But fiction writers around here really 00:02:22.850 --> 00:02:24.840 align:middle line:84% need to hear it every once in a while. 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:28.920 align:middle line:84% But you need to hear other people's work besides their own. 00:02:28.920 --> 00:02:31.370 align:middle line:84% I also want to thank the Department of Humanities 00:02:31.370 --> 00:02:33.320 align:middle line:84% and the Department of English and to let 00:02:33.320 --> 00:02:36.380 align:middle line:84% you know that the ASUA bookstore has books for sale 00:02:36.380 --> 00:02:38.420 align:middle line:90% at a whopping 10% discount. 00:02:38.420 --> 00:02:43.620 align:middle line:90% 00:02:43.620 --> 00:02:45.620 align:middle line:84% When I wrote the press release for this reading, 00:02:45.620 --> 00:02:48.260 align:middle line:84% I called it Fiction for Four Hands. 00:02:48.260 --> 00:02:50.570 align:middle line:84% Robert Boswell and Antonya Nelson 00:02:50.570 --> 00:02:56.030 align:middle line:84% have between them nine books, two children, one professorship, 00:02:56.030 --> 00:02:57.860 align:middle line:90% and a great dog. 00:02:57.860 --> 00:02:59.810 align:middle line:84% They're both graduates of this program. 00:02:59.810 --> 00:03:03.500 align:middle line:84% So I'm happy to have them here tonight. 00:03:03.500 --> 00:03:05.330 align:middle line:84% Robert Boswell is the author of Dancing 00:03:05.330 --> 00:03:08.840 align:middle line:84% At The Movies, Crooked Hearts, The Geography Of Desire, 00:03:08.840 --> 00:03:12.230 align:middle line:84% Mystery Ride and Living To Be 100. 00:03:12.230 --> 00:03:14.960 align:middle line:84% He has received NEA and Guggenheim fellowships 00:03:14.960 --> 00:03:18.470 align:middle line:84% and the Iowa School of Letters award for short fiction. 00:03:18.470 --> 00:03:21.290 align:middle line:84% He currently teaches fiction writing at New Mexico State 00:03:21.290 --> 00:03:24.590 align:middle line:84% University in Las Cruces, and at the Warren Wilson MFA 00:03:24.590 --> 00:03:29.750 align:middle line:84% program for writers in Swannanoa, North Carolina. 00:03:29.750 --> 00:03:32.420 align:middle line:90% Robert Boswell changed my life. 00:03:32.420 --> 00:03:35.640 align:middle line:84% Eight years ago when I first met him here in Tucson, 00:03:35.640 --> 00:03:38.900 align:middle line:84% he was at least the sixth person in a one year period 00:03:38.900 --> 00:03:42.260 align:middle line:84% to tell me about the Warren Wilson program for writers, 00:03:42.260 --> 00:03:45.290 align:middle line:84% where he was and still is teaching fiction. 00:03:45.290 --> 00:03:47.870 align:middle line:84% He put to rest the many fears I had about MFA 00:03:47.870 --> 00:03:51.290 align:middle line:84% programs, in general, and low residency programs, 00:03:51.290 --> 00:03:52.550 align:middle line:90% in particular. 00:03:52.550 --> 00:03:56.000 align:middle line:84% And since then I have been a student in his workshop 00:03:56.000 --> 00:03:58.490 align:middle line:84% and I have led a workshop with him, 00:03:58.490 --> 00:04:00.560 align:middle line:90% the blurb from my first book. 00:04:00.560 --> 00:04:03.710 align:middle line:84% And he continues to be an influence not only as a fiction 00:04:03.710 --> 00:04:08.420 align:middle line:84% writer, who [INAUDIBLE] turns up the heat under his characters 00:04:08.420 --> 00:04:11.510 align:middle line:84% but as a teacher who showed me by example that it's 00:04:11.510 --> 00:04:15.200 align:middle line:84% possible to give oneself fully to one's writing, 00:04:15.200 --> 00:04:18.720 align:middle line:84% and still have a lot left to give students. 00:04:18.720 --> 00:04:20.870 align:middle line:90% Robert Boswell has duende. 00:04:20.870 --> 00:04:23.060 align:middle line:90% His work is to find it. 00:04:23.060 --> 00:04:26.750 align:middle line:84% He not only turns up the heat, he gets down to the bone. 00:04:26.750 --> 00:04:28.460 align:middle line:90% Please welcome Robert Boswell. 00:04:28.460 --> 00:04:41.530 align:middle line:90% 00:04:41.530 --> 00:04:42.940 align:middle line:90% Hi. 00:04:42.940 --> 00:04:45.250 align:middle line:90% Can you hear me OK? 00:04:45.250 --> 00:04:48.040 align:middle line:84% Thanks for that introduction, that was very nice. 00:04:48.040 --> 00:04:51.950 align:middle line:84% Thanks also to Mark and Alan for that reception, 00:04:51.950 --> 00:04:53.080 align:middle line:90% was just at the reception. 00:04:53.080 --> 00:04:54.670 align:middle line:90% And that's terrific. 00:04:54.670 --> 00:04:56.470 align:middle line:90% It's nice to be back in Tucson. 00:04:56.470 --> 00:05:00.370 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read from Mystery Ride, which 00:05:00.370 --> 00:05:02.710 align:middle line:90% is the last novel I published. 00:05:02.710 --> 00:05:04.765 align:middle line:84% And I'm going to read the second chapter. 00:05:04.765 --> 00:05:07.780 align:middle line:90% 00:05:07.780 --> 00:05:11.470 align:middle line:84% You don't need to know anything because the first chapter is 00:05:11.470 --> 00:05:15.670 align:middle line:84% set in the past and this is essentially the first chapter 00:05:15.670 --> 00:05:19.860 align:middle line:90% of the main part of the book. 00:05:19.860 --> 00:05:22.510 align:middle line:90% Here goes. 00:05:22.510 --> 00:05:26.920 align:middle line:84% Angela Vorda was not asleep, and was not entirely awake. 00:05:26.920 --> 00:05:29.470 align:middle line:84% She lay without moving at the very edge of the mattress, 00:05:29.470 --> 00:05:32.980 align:middle line:84% her eyes closed, legs crossed at the ankles. 00:05:32.980 --> 00:05:36.340 align:middle line:84% A faded blue sheet covered her haphazardly. 00:05:36.340 --> 00:05:39.550 align:middle line:84% One hand rested on her exposed belly while the other clung 00:05:39.550 --> 00:05:42.340 align:middle line:84% to the bedpost, as if she were in the deep end of the pool 00:05:42.340 --> 00:05:45.520 align:middle line:84% and holding onto a ladder, keeping her head just 00:05:45.520 --> 00:05:47.260 align:middle line:90% above water. 00:05:47.260 --> 00:05:50.920 align:middle line:84% Her husband, Quinn, sprawled beside her, arms and legs spread 00:05:50.920 --> 00:05:53.200 align:middle line:90% open as if in celebration. 00:05:53.200 --> 00:05:54.970 align:middle line:84% He had entered his recurring dream 00:05:54.970 --> 00:05:57.880 align:middle line:84% of hosting a party in a brightly lit ballroom. 00:05:57.880 --> 00:06:01.810 align:middle line:84% The affair was in full swing and orchestra played a Waltz. 00:06:01.810 --> 00:06:04.090 align:middle line:84% Dancing couples circled the floor. 00:06:04.090 --> 00:06:06.250 align:middle line:84% Men in tuxedos laughed and smoked 00:06:06.250 --> 00:06:09.430 align:middle line:84% extravagant cigars and graceful women in gowns 00:06:09.430 --> 00:06:13.060 align:middle line:84% touched Quinn's arm and spoke confidentially of the pleasure 00:06:13.060 --> 00:06:14.830 align:middle line:90% of this party brought them. 00:06:14.830 --> 00:06:17.920 align:middle line:84% It was a dream that often followed, as it had this night, 00:06:17.920 --> 00:06:20.510 align:middle line:90% making love with his wife. 00:06:20.510 --> 00:06:22.870 align:middle line:84% Angela, now a few hours pregnant, 00:06:22.870 --> 00:06:25.540 align:middle line:90% wavered between worlds. 00:06:25.540 --> 00:06:27.760 align:middle line:84% When she shut her eyes, her suburban bedroom 00:06:27.760 --> 00:06:30.190 align:middle line:84% expanded into the darkness of sleep, 00:06:30.190 --> 00:06:32.230 align:middle line:90% and she began to drift away. 00:06:32.230 --> 00:06:35.020 align:middle line:84% But a release to the real yanked her back. 00:06:35.020 --> 00:06:38.620 align:middle line:84% Time and again she leaned in to sleep but could not fall. 00:06:38.620 --> 00:06:41.590 align:middle line:84% Some little misgiving prohibited her. 00:06:41.590 --> 00:06:43.600 align:middle line:84% After two hours of half sleep, she 00:06:43.600 --> 00:06:46.540 align:middle line:84% pulled herself up into a slouch to face the apprehension 00:06:46.540 --> 00:06:48.820 align:middle line:90% and worry her way to its origin. 00:06:48.820 --> 00:06:51.820 align:middle line:84% But as she leaned against the head worn headboard, 00:06:51.820 --> 00:06:54.670 align:middle line:84% she suddenly recalled her first husband. 00:06:54.670 --> 00:06:58.810 align:middle line:84% How the palms of his hands had been softer than a child. 00:06:58.810 --> 00:07:00.910 align:middle line:90% The memory made her dizzy. 00:07:00.910 --> 00:07:03.610 align:middle line:84% She rose from her bed, careful not to wake Quinn, 00:07:03.610 --> 00:07:06.490 align:middle line:84% and took a terrycloth robe from the closet. 00:07:06.490 --> 00:07:08.350 align:middle line:84% Knotting the belt around her waist, 00:07:08.350 --> 00:07:10.630 align:middle line:84% she slipped into the lighted hall. 00:07:10.630 --> 00:07:12.890 align:middle line:84% Instinctive, looked to her daughter's room. 00:07:12.890 --> 00:07:14.530 align:middle line:90% The door was ajar. 00:07:14.530 --> 00:07:17.350 align:middle line:84% Angela pushed it open and found the bed empty. 00:07:17.350 --> 00:07:18.370 align:middle line:90% Her heart sank. 00:07:18.370 --> 00:07:22.840 align:middle line:84% Dulcie had promised to be in more than an hour earlier. 00:07:22.840 --> 00:07:24.910 align:middle line:84% In the kitchen, Angela made herself 00:07:24.910 --> 00:07:28.250 align:middle line:84% a small pot of decaffeinated coffee, 00:07:28.250 --> 00:07:31.660 align:middle line:84% then took 2 cups to the round oak table in the adjacent dining 00:07:31.660 --> 00:07:35.200 align:middle line:84% room and positioned the coffee pot on a coaster between them. 00:07:35.200 --> 00:07:38.080 align:middle line:84% She was 39 years old and not at all looking forward 00:07:38.080 --> 00:07:39.580 align:middle line:90% to turning 40. 00:07:39.580 --> 00:07:41.200 align:middle line:84% Had she known she was pregnant, she 00:07:41.200 --> 00:07:43.560 align:middle line:84% would have been in such a state of agitation 00:07:43.560 --> 00:07:45.310 align:middle line:84% that she would have flown out of the house 00:07:45.310 --> 00:07:47.227 align:middle line:84% and walked through the neighborhood, the skirt 00:07:47.227 --> 00:07:49.630 align:middle line:84% of her robe flapping open, dogs barking at her 00:07:49.630 --> 00:07:51.940 align:middle line:90% from behind closed doors. 00:07:51.940 --> 00:07:55.210 align:middle line:84% Whenever there was trouble, she walked in order to think. 00:07:55.210 --> 00:07:57.790 align:middle line:84% But for now she was ignorant of the new life, 00:07:57.790 --> 00:08:02.710 align:middle line:84% and instead scrutinized the one with which she was familiar. 00:08:02.710 --> 00:08:05.050 align:middle line:90% Dulcie was an odd child. 00:08:05.050 --> 00:08:07.060 align:middle line:84% Angela had to be frank with herself. 00:08:07.060 --> 00:08:08.710 align:middle line:84% And her reasons for breaking rules 00:08:08.710 --> 00:08:12.280 align:middle line:84% were almost exclusively bizarre and cheerfully given 00:08:12.280 --> 00:08:14.680 align:middle line:84% as if she expected complete understanding and not 00:08:14.680 --> 00:08:17.500 align:middle line:90% forgiveness but complicity. 00:08:17.500 --> 00:08:20.380 align:middle line:84% The mystery of her daughter moved year by year closer 00:08:20.380 --> 00:08:23.380 align:middle line:84% to the center of Angela's understanding of the world. 00:08:23.380 --> 00:08:26.260 align:middle line:84% So that when a friend at a party raised the question of what 00:08:26.260 --> 00:08:28.840 align:middle line:84% to do about the homeless, Angela imagined 00:08:28.840 --> 00:08:30.860 align:middle line:84% that Dulcie would one day be among them, 00:08:30.860 --> 00:08:32.799 align:middle line:84% and she suggested that they each take 00:08:32.799 --> 00:08:38.020 align:middle line:84% in one vagrant, an idea that produced little enthusiasm. 00:08:38.020 --> 00:08:39.909 align:middle line:84% She continued to talk about this notion 00:08:39.909 --> 00:08:41.860 align:middle line:84% until she heard someone mention that he'd 00:08:41.860 --> 00:08:45.190 align:middle line:84% lost a friend to a religious cult, which caused Angela 00:08:45.190 --> 00:08:48.160 align:middle line:84% to picture Dulcie as an anonymous shaved head 00:08:48.160 --> 00:08:50.680 align:middle line:90% in an obscure commune. 00:08:50.680 --> 00:08:53.350 align:middle line:84% Only her dedication to the truth kept Angela 00:08:53.350 --> 00:08:56.500 align:middle line:84% from becoming neurotic about her daughter's future. 00:08:56.500 --> 00:08:59.170 align:middle line:84% Whenever she forced herself to be completely honest, 00:08:59.170 --> 00:09:01.660 align:middle line:84% she admitted that Dulcie was merely odd 00:09:01.660 --> 00:09:05.710 align:middle line:84% and that the wild speculations were indulgences. 00:09:05.710 --> 00:09:07.840 align:middle line:84% Honesty now compelled her to acknowledge 00:09:07.840 --> 00:09:10.090 align:middle line:84% that there was no point in thinking about Dulcie. 00:09:10.090 --> 00:09:13.510 align:middle line:84% It would only make her return all the more difficult to gauge. 00:09:13.510 --> 00:09:16.960 align:middle line:84% She considered instead the mysterious things 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:20.890 align:middle line:84% that had denied her sleep, and the sudden intrusion of Stephen 00:09:20.890 --> 00:09:23.170 align:middle line:90% into her thoughts. 00:09:23.170 --> 00:09:27.220 align:middle line:84% His hands, she knew, would no longer be soft. 00:09:27.220 --> 00:09:28.990 align:middle line:84% When they first met, he had long-- he 00:09:28.990 --> 00:09:30.730 align:middle line:90% had been a college student. 00:09:30.730 --> 00:09:33.940 align:middle line:84% His gentle hands had been one of the reasons she'd loved him. 00:09:33.940 --> 00:09:37.720 align:middle line:84% In the years since, he'd changed in innumerable ways. 00:09:37.720 --> 00:09:39.220 align:middle line:90% He raised cattle now. 00:09:39.220 --> 00:09:42.700 align:middle line:84% His palms would be calloused, rough. 00:09:42.700 --> 00:09:44.800 align:middle line:84% They had stayed married only six years, 00:09:44.800 --> 00:09:47.380 align:middle line:84% but Stephen was the father of her daughter and the first man 00:09:47.380 --> 00:09:49.210 align:middle line:90% she had ever loved. 00:09:49.210 --> 00:09:52.000 align:middle line:84% There were still moments when she longed for him. 00:09:52.000 --> 00:09:54.550 align:middle line:84% She had been 22 when she married him. 00:09:54.550 --> 00:09:57.550 align:middle line:84% They had known each other since she was a senior in high school, 00:09:57.550 --> 00:10:00.790 align:middle line:84% and their courtship had had the slowness of care. 00:10:00.790 --> 00:10:03.280 align:middle line:84% She had been dating Andrew, Steven's younger brother. 00:10:03.280 --> 00:10:05.890 align:middle line:84% And although she had slept with Andrew on their second date, 00:10:05.890 --> 00:10:09.010 align:middle line:84% she did not sleep with Stephen for nearly two years. 00:10:09.010 --> 00:10:13.930 align:middle line:84% The wait a delirious power that surged through them both. 00:10:13.930 --> 00:10:17.170 align:middle line:84% They married and were unreasonably happy for a time, 00:10:17.170 --> 00:10:19.750 align:middle line:84% then they were no longer happy and they divorced. 00:10:19.750 --> 00:10:22.550 align:middle line:84% But now, Angela could not say what had happened. 00:10:22.550 --> 00:10:24.680 align:middle line:84% She'd seen a strength of character in Stephen 00:10:24.680 --> 00:10:26.685 align:middle line:84% that had been absent in other boys. 00:10:26.685 --> 00:10:29.060 align:middle line:84% For that matter, she had never seen that sort of strength 00:10:29.060 --> 00:10:30.350 align:middle line:90% in anyone else. 00:10:30.350 --> 00:10:32.120 align:middle line:84% She had known he would never leave her, 00:10:32.120 --> 00:10:33.740 align:middle line:84% would always love her, but she found 00:10:33.740 --> 00:10:35.760 align:middle line:90% she could not stay with him. 00:10:35.760 --> 00:10:39.770 align:middle line:84% He was a strong and serious man, but what good was it doing him? 00:10:39.770 --> 00:10:42.890 align:middle line:84% He had decided, randomly as far as she could tell, 00:10:42.890 --> 00:10:46.610 align:middle line:84% to become a farmer, and to remain a farmer. 00:10:46.610 --> 00:10:49.610 align:middle line:84% The decision pointed the marriage toward failure. 00:10:49.610 --> 00:10:51.920 align:middle line:84% Life became restricted to the possibilities 00:10:51.920 --> 00:10:56.060 align:middle line:84% of a few cultivated acres of land while the rest of the world 00:10:56.060 --> 00:11:00.800 align:middle line:84% slipped with increasing quickness beyond Angela's grasp. 00:11:00.800 --> 00:11:02.300 align:middle line:84% Now they had been divorced longer 00:11:02.300 --> 00:11:03.460 align:middle line:90% than they had been married. 00:11:03.460 --> 00:11:05.300 align:middle line:84% What was even more remarkable, she 00:11:05.300 --> 00:11:07.430 align:middle line:84% had been married to Quinn Vorda longer than she 00:11:07.430 --> 00:11:09.230 align:middle line:90% was married to Stephen. 00:11:09.230 --> 00:11:11.030 align:middle line:84% Against this fact, she could not account 00:11:11.030 --> 00:11:13.430 align:middle line:84% for the overwhelming feeling that her years with Stephen 00:11:13.430 --> 00:11:17.150 align:middle line:84% had been the bulk of her adult life, while her time with Quinn 00:11:17.150 --> 00:11:19.220 align:middle line:84% was like the bowl of fruit and ice cream 00:11:19.220 --> 00:11:22.593 align:middle line:84% that follows a dinner of many courses. 00:11:22.593 --> 00:11:24.260 align:middle line:84% The --of their suburban house swung open 00:11:24.260 --> 00:11:27.320 align:middle line:84% and her daughter stood silhouetted in the porch light. 00:11:27.320 --> 00:11:29.840 align:middle line:84% "You're up," Dulcie said with delight. 00:11:29.840 --> 00:11:31.430 align:middle line:84% She closed the door and made her way 00:11:31.430 --> 00:11:34.220 align:middle line:84% across the living room floor to the waiting chair at the dining 00:11:34.220 --> 00:11:35.390 align:middle line:90% table. 00:11:35.390 --> 00:11:37.790 align:middle line:84% Dulcie had the most disturbing mix of features 00:11:37.790 --> 00:11:39.260 align:middle line:90% Angela could have imagined. 00:11:39.260 --> 00:11:41.540 align:middle line:84% Like Stephen, she had thick and dark brows 00:11:41.540 --> 00:11:42.920 align:middle line:90% that nearly converged. 00:11:42.920 --> 00:11:46.520 align:middle line:84% And from Angela, she had inherited a too small mouth. 00:11:46.520 --> 00:11:49.130 align:middle line:84% The combination made her face seemed top heavy. 00:11:49.130 --> 00:11:52.310 align:middle line:84% But her large nose, which could have come from either parent, 00:11:52.310 --> 00:11:55.730 align:middle line:84% somehow balanced everything and she was an attractive girl. 00:11:55.730 --> 00:11:57.710 align:middle line:84% She had the appealing expression of one 00:11:57.710 --> 00:11:59.630 align:middle line:84% who was just discovered something. 00:11:59.630 --> 00:12:02.720 align:middle line:84% And her eyes were lit by intelligence and curiosity. 00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:05.810 align:middle line:84% She was an exasperating child, but Angela rarely 00:12:05.810 --> 00:12:07.670 align:middle line:90% stayed angry with her for long. 00:12:07.670 --> 00:12:12.080 align:middle line:84% At this moment, she could not muster even a shadow of anger. 00:12:12.080 --> 00:12:14.540 align:middle line:84% "Now you must watch and listen closely," Dulcie said, 00:12:14.540 --> 00:12:16.670 align:middle line:84% throwing her head back and pursing her lips. 00:12:16.670 --> 00:12:19.940 align:middle line:84% She spoke in a high pitched drone. 00:12:19.940 --> 00:12:22.970 align:middle line:84% "I have been perusing your file, Mrs. Landis, 00:12:22.970 --> 00:12:26.750 align:middle line:84% and it appears you've chosen not to adhere to our [AUDIO OUT].. 00:12:26.750 --> 00:12:30.440 align:middle line:84% Dulcie raised thick brows and wagged her head, 00:12:30.440 --> 00:12:32.150 align:middle line:90% then let the act drop. 00:12:32.150 --> 00:12:33.980 align:middle line:90% "Old fish face, my counselor. 00:12:33.980 --> 00:12:35.030 align:middle line:90% You recognize her? 00:12:35.030 --> 00:12:37.520 align:middle line:84% Everybody says I could be a staggering actor. 00:12:37.520 --> 00:12:39.050 align:middle line:90% Is this decaf?" 00:12:39.050 --> 00:12:40.430 align:middle line:90% Angela nodded. 00:12:40.430 --> 00:12:43.040 align:middle line:84% "Miss Fishbein said that to you?" 00:12:43.040 --> 00:12:44.420 align:middle line:90% "Ms., never miss. 00:12:44.420 --> 00:12:45.320 align:middle line:90% Months ago! 00:12:45.320 --> 00:12:48.020 align:middle line:84% She has a mole on her thigh right here." 00:12:48.020 --> 00:12:49.880 align:middle line:84% Delphi reach between her mother's legs 00:12:49.880 --> 00:12:53.780 align:middle line:84% and pressed her pressed against her thigh just below the pelvis. 00:12:53.780 --> 00:12:55.160 align:middle line:90% "I saw her naked at the gym. 00:12:55.160 --> 00:12:58.520 align:middle line:84% Have you ever wanted to make love with a woman?" 00:12:58.520 --> 00:13:01.190 align:middle line:84% "Not particularly," Angela said, startled. 00:13:01.190 --> 00:13:02.750 align:middle line:90% "Why do you ask?" 00:13:02.750 --> 00:13:04.790 align:middle line:90% "It's interesting, is why." 00:13:04.790 --> 00:13:06.620 align:middle line:90% Dulcie poured herself coffee. 00:13:06.620 --> 00:13:09.950 align:middle line:84% "So anyway," she continued, "I met this boy tonight who showed 00:13:09.950 --> 00:13:11.000 align:middle line:90% me how to be a wrestler. 00:13:11.000 --> 00:13:13.910 align:middle line:84% They have all these rules you can't imagine." 00:13:13.910 --> 00:13:16.280 align:middle line:84% Only then did Angela notice grass stains 00:13:16.280 --> 00:13:18.680 align:middle line:84% on the elbows of Dulcie's long sleeved t-shirt 00:13:18.680 --> 00:13:21.050 align:middle line:84% and the knees of her faded jeans. 00:13:21.050 --> 00:13:24.240 align:middle line:84% "He wasn't very subtle," Dulcie went on, "but otherwise, 00:13:24.240 --> 00:13:25.680 align:middle line:90% I didn't like him. 00:13:25.680 --> 00:13:27.650 align:middle line:84% He kept calling me poncho like he 00:13:27.650 --> 00:13:29.810 align:middle line:84% was the Cisco Kid, who he says autographed 00:13:29.810 --> 00:13:31.190 align:middle line:90% his butt in India ink. 00:13:31.190 --> 00:13:35.180 align:middle line:84% Which was just an excuse for him to pull down his pants." 00:13:35.180 --> 00:13:38.420 align:middle line:84% "My God, Dulcie, what have you been doing?" 00:13:38.420 --> 00:13:39.890 align:middle line:90% "Wrestling, I told you. 00:13:39.890 --> 00:13:41.510 align:middle line:84% Then this boy pulled his pants down 00:13:41.510 --> 00:13:43.670 align:middle line:90% and the group sort of broke up. 00:13:43.670 --> 00:13:46.760 align:middle line:84% It reminded me of that party you had where that one guy started 00:13:46.760 --> 00:13:49.280 align:middle line:84% telling jokes about nigger this and nigger that 00:13:49.280 --> 00:13:50.840 align:middle line:90% and everybody went home. 00:13:50.840 --> 00:13:54.500 align:middle line:84% Waving your butt around has the same effect. 00:13:54.500 --> 00:13:56.700 align:middle line:90% This needs sugar." 00:13:56.700 --> 00:13:59.090 align:middle line:84% She got up from the table, switching on all the lights 00:13:59.090 --> 00:14:00.500 align:middle line:90% as she crossed the room. 00:14:00.500 --> 00:14:03.140 align:middle line:84% Angela watched her on the other side of the kitchen bar 00:14:03.140 --> 00:14:06.560 align:middle line:84% spooning several white mounds into the cup. 00:14:06.560 --> 00:14:08.960 align:middle line:90% "Curfew was 12," Angela said. 00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:11.420 align:middle line:84% "This is the third time this month you've stayed out too 00:14:11.420 --> 00:14:12.350 align:middle line:90% late." 00:14:12.350 --> 00:14:17.810 align:middle line:84% "Yeah," Dulcie said affably, "it makes you wonder," she added. 00:14:17.810 --> 00:14:19.880 align:middle line:84% Which made Angela wonder but Dulcie didn't 00:14:19.880 --> 00:14:21.170 align:middle line:90% continue with the thought. 00:14:21.170 --> 00:14:23.820 align:middle line:84% She took a carton of milk from the refrigerator and return 00:14:23.820 --> 00:14:25.250 align:middle line:90% to the table. 00:14:25.250 --> 00:14:27.140 align:middle line:84% "Sensory deprivation is the thing. 00:14:27.140 --> 00:14:28.640 align:middle line:84% I'm sure that's why you can't sleep. 00:14:28.640 --> 00:14:31.070 align:middle line:84% Your senses are sufficiently depraved." 00:14:31.070 --> 00:14:32.390 align:middle line:90% "Deprived." 00:14:32.390 --> 00:14:32.900 align:middle line:90% "Whatever. 00:14:32.900 --> 00:14:35.442 align:middle line:84% If you just sleep, we wouldn't have to worry about when I get 00:14:35.442 --> 00:14:36.920 align:middle line:90% in, you see." 00:14:36.920 --> 00:14:39.110 align:middle line:90% "Let me smell your hair." 00:14:39.110 --> 00:14:42.030 align:middle line:84% Dulcie leaned forward and Angela grasped her head. 00:14:42.030 --> 00:14:43.280 align:middle line:90% "It's pot," Dulcie said. 00:14:43.280 --> 00:14:44.420 align:middle line:90% "Everybody was smoking. 00:14:44.420 --> 00:14:46.130 align:middle line:90% I only had a little." 00:14:46.130 --> 00:14:48.710 align:middle line:84% "Smoking pot or anything else is strictly forbidden, 00:14:48.710 --> 00:14:49.737 align:middle line:90% you know that." 00:14:49.737 --> 00:14:51.820 align:middle line:84% "Of course," Dulcie said, "I wouldn't think of it. 00:14:51.820 --> 00:14:53.720 align:middle line:84% And besides I only smoked a little. 00:14:53.720 --> 00:14:57.560 align:middle line:84% Listen, did you and Quinn have sex?" 00:14:57.560 --> 00:14:59.840 align:middle line:84% "What business is that of yours?" 00:14:59.840 --> 00:15:01.970 align:middle line:90% "Exactly," she said, standing. 00:15:01.970 --> 00:15:04.220 align:middle line:84% She gulped down the remainder of her coffee. 00:15:04.220 --> 00:15:05.120 align:middle line:90% "Pleasant dreams!" 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:09.050 align:middle line:84% she called as she walked into the hall. 00:15:09.050 --> 00:15:11.390 align:middle line:84% Angela would have stopped her, but the apprehension 00:15:11.390 --> 00:15:12.290 align:middle line:90% had returned. 00:15:12.290 --> 00:15:14.870 align:middle line:84% It had come back as she sniffed Dulcie's hair. 00:15:14.870 --> 00:15:18.050 align:middle line:84% Her worry had to do with something she had smelled. 00:15:18.050 --> 00:15:20.120 align:middle line:84% She turned off the lights, returned the milk 00:15:20.120 --> 00:15:22.600 align:middle line:84% to the refrigerator, and walked back down 00:15:22.600 --> 00:15:25.630 align:middle line:84% the hall, which was dark now as was Dulcie's room. 00:15:25.630 --> 00:15:28.540 align:middle line:84% Angela closed the bedroom door behind her 00:15:28.540 --> 00:15:32.290 align:middle line:84% and let her robe fall into a puddle at her feet. 00:15:32.290 --> 00:15:34.960 align:middle line:84% In bed on her hands and knees, put her face close 00:15:34.960 --> 00:15:36.400 align:middle line:90% to her husband's hair. 00:15:36.400 --> 00:15:39.280 align:middle line:84% She smelled shampoo and his aftershave, 00:15:39.280 --> 00:15:41.620 align:middle line:84% which was even stronger at his neck. 00:15:41.620 --> 00:15:45.910 align:middle line:84% He lay on his side and she moved next to his chest, his stomach. 00:15:45.910 --> 00:15:48.070 align:middle line:84% She sniffed at the back of his neck 00:15:48.070 --> 00:15:49.750 align:middle line:90% and then his shoulder blades. 00:15:49.750 --> 00:15:53.080 align:middle line:90% An odor, slight but foreign. 00:15:53.080 --> 00:15:55.420 align:middle line:84% His crotch smelled only of their sex 00:15:55.420 --> 00:15:57.880 align:middle line:84% and her head there caused him to shift his legs. 00:15:57.880 --> 00:16:01.120 align:middle line:84% She returned to his shoulder blades. 00:16:01.120 --> 00:16:04.100 align:middle line:84% Angela never wore fragrances of any sort. 00:16:04.100 --> 00:16:07.540 align:middle line:84% But there it was, the remnant of some perfume. 00:16:07.540 --> 00:16:09.940 align:middle line:84% Instantly, she imagined a hurried shower 00:16:09.940 --> 00:16:11.230 align:middle line:90% in a motel bathroom. 00:16:11.230 --> 00:16:13.240 align:middle line:84% Quinn scrubbing his chest, but failing 00:16:13.240 --> 00:16:16.330 align:middle line:90% to wash his shoulder blades. 00:16:16.330 --> 00:16:19.030 align:middle line:84% But as she knelt over him, picturing it, 00:16:19.030 --> 00:16:21.550 align:middle line:84% she suddenly recalled Stephen once more, 00:16:21.550 --> 00:16:23.500 align:middle line:90% his sweet and supple palm. 00:16:23.500 --> 00:16:30.177 align:middle line:90% 00:16:30.177 --> 00:16:31.760 align:middle line:84% Angela walked through the neighborhood 00:16:31.760 --> 00:16:34.430 align:middle line:84% in the dark, this skirt of her robe flapping open, 00:16:34.430 --> 00:16:38.000 align:middle line:84% dogs barking at her from behind closed doors. 00:16:38.000 --> 00:16:40.850 align:middle line:84% This was not the first time Quinn had been unfaithful. 00:16:40.850 --> 00:16:43.100 align:middle line:84% Two years ago, a former girlfriend of his 00:16:43.100 --> 00:16:45.320 align:middle line:84% had come by to visit and meet Angela. 00:16:45.320 --> 00:16:47.370 align:middle line:84% The woman had been polite and pleasant. 00:16:47.370 --> 00:16:50.180 align:middle line:84% But the following day, she met Quinn at a motel. 00:16:50.180 --> 00:16:53.900 align:middle line:84% Angela discovered this through his answering service. 00:16:53.900 --> 00:17:03.860 align:middle line:84% A man called to convey the woman's message, 00:17:03.860 --> 00:17:07.250 align:middle line:84% she would be late arriving at the Ramada Inn. 00:17:07.250 --> 00:17:09.079 align:middle line:84% Quinn had already left the house. 00:17:09.079 --> 00:17:11.150 align:middle line:84% Angela spent the remainder of the morning 00:17:11.150 --> 00:17:12.770 align:middle line:84% packing his belongings, which she 00:17:12.770 --> 00:17:15.680 align:middle line:90% had taken by taxi to the motel. 00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:17.690 align:middle line:84% Before she let him return, she made 00:17:17.690 --> 00:17:19.760 align:middle line:84% him agree to marriage counseling. 00:17:19.760 --> 00:17:21.740 align:middle line:84% During those special sessions where 00:17:21.740 --> 00:17:24.920 align:middle line:84% they both swore to be honest, she learned of two other affairs 00:17:24.920 --> 00:17:27.230 align:middle line:84% he'd had during their seven years of marriage. 00:17:27.230 --> 00:17:29.030 align:middle line:90% Both had been with actresses. 00:17:29.030 --> 00:17:30.800 align:middle line:90% Quinn was a theatrical agent. 00:17:30.800 --> 00:17:32.820 align:middle line:90% And both had been brief. 00:17:32.820 --> 00:17:35.660 align:middle line:84% She had been full of rage and grief but by the time 00:17:35.660 --> 00:17:37.640 align:middle line:84% they completed their weeks of counseling, 00:17:37.640 --> 00:17:41.150 align:middle line:84% Angela felt confident that Quinn had reformed. 00:17:41.150 --> 00:17:43.460 align:middle line:84% Now she experienced the awful sensation 00:17:43.460 --> 00:17:45.530 align:middle line:84% of being thrown, lurching, back into what 00:17:45.530 --> 00:17:48.290 align:middle line:90% she thought she had escaped. 00:17:48.290 --> 00:17:50.960 align:middle line:84% How stupid to have thought he would be faithful? 00:17:50.960 --> 00:17:53.180 align:middle line:84% Angela shook her head so powerfully 00:17:53.180 --> 00:17:54.680 align:middle line:90% that her vision blurred. 00:17:54.680 --> 00:17:56.900 align:middle line:84% She stepped blindly from the sidewalk 00:17:56.900 --> 00:18:00.200 align:middle line:84% into a neatly trimmed lawn, blades of grass 00:18:00.200 --> 00:18:02.550 align:middle line:90% brushing against her ankle. 00:18:02.550 --> 00:18:06.770 align:middle line:84% They had lived now for six years in Socorro, a typical Southern 00:18:06.770 --> 00:18:09.080 align:middle line:84% California suburb, with lane after lane 00:18:09.080 --> 00:18:12.290 align:middle line:84% of nearly identical ranch style houses separated 00:18:12.290 --> 00:18:14.300 align:middle line:84% by fenced yards in the back and joined 00:18:14.300 --> 00:18:18.170 align:middle line:84% by an uninterrupted sweep of grass and trees in the front. 00:18:18.170 --> 00:18:20.630 align:middle line:84% Perhaps it was a wealthier neighborhood than average, 00:18:20.630 --> 00:18:21.860 align:middle line:90% Angela conceded. 00:18:21.860 --> 00:18:23.480 align:middle line:84% Then she admitted to herself that it 00:18:23.480 --> 00:18:26.120 align:middle line:84% was an upper middle class neighborhood with a few houses 00:18:26.120 --> 00:18:28.910 align:middle line:84% that were clearly at the very top of the middle class, 00:18:28.910 --> 00:18:31.130 align:middle line:84% and that their house was among them. 00:18:31.130 --> 00:18:33.920 align:middle line:84% A pretentious little place, she thought bitterly, 00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:35.960 align:middle line:84% recalling the days years ago when 00:18:35.960 --> 00:18:38.360 align:middle line:90% she had found a note on her VW. 00:18:38.360 --> 00:18:42.560 align:middle line:84% We don't park on the street here, this is not a Barrio. 00:18:42.560 --> 00:18:46.460 align:middle line:84% She had shown the note to Quinn, saying true enough, 00:18:46.460 --> 00:18:52.400 align:middle line:84% Barrio means neighborhood whilst this is status symbol land. 00:18:52.400 --> 00:18:54.800 align:middle line:84% Quinn had been impressed with status symbol land 00:18:54.800 --> 00:18:56.750 align:middle line:84% thinking it had come from a novel. 00:18:56.750 --> 00:18:59.060 align:middle line:84% Angela had told him the truth, of course, 00:18:59.060 --> 00:19:02.330 align:middle line:84% that it was from an old monkey song. 00:19:02.330 --> 00:19:05.240 align:middle line:84% It hadn't been Quinn's idea to move to Socorro. 00:19:05.240 --> 00:19:07.670 align:middle line:84% They had come for the schools, which 00:19:07.670 --> 00:19:09.920 align:middle line:84% were supposed to be among the best in the state. 00:19:09.920 --> 00:19:12.170 align:middle line:84% And besides she had grown to love their house, 00:19:12.170 --> 00:19:14.180 align:middle line:90% their yard, their fruit trees. 00:19:14.180 --> 00:19:17.030 align:middle line:84% She began walking again remaining in the grass, 00:19:17.030 --> 00:19:19.580 align:middle line:90% circling the block yard by yard. 00:19:19.580 --> 00:19:23.330 align:middle line:84% She acknowledged that Quinn was responsible for these things. 00:19:23.330 --> 00:19:25.160 align:middle line:84% A good provider was the term that 00:19:25.160 --> 00:19:26.990 align:middle line:84% kept pressing itself into her thoughts, 00:19:26.990 --> 00:19:29.870 align:middle line:84% but it was such a cliche that she rejected it. 00:19:29.870 --> 00:19:33.200 align:middle line:84% For she believed cliches were too sloppy to embody the truth. 00:19:33.200 --> 00:19:36.410 align:middle line:84% And the truth was precisely what she was after. 00:19:36.410 --> 00:19:39.080 align:middle line:84% The few times in her life when she had settled for something 00:19:39.080 --> 00:19:40.970 align:middle line:90% less, she had suffered. 00:19:40.970 --> 00:19:42.890 align:middle line:84% And believing that Quinn had reformed 00:19:42.890 --> 00:19:44.900 align:middle line:90% was now another example. 00:19:44.900 --> 00:19:46.790 align:middle line:84% The truth would not escape her this night 00:19:46.790 --> 00:19:49.850 align:middle line:84% even if it meant counting up Quinn's redeeming traits 00:19:49.850 --> 00:19:53.000 align:middle line:84% at a time she [AUDIO OUT] with him. 00:19:53.000 --> 00:19:55.460 align:middle line:84% "One," she said aloud, though softly, 00:19:55.460 --> 00:19:58.640 align:middle line:84% and extended a single finger, "he earns money, 00:19:58.640 --> 00:20:02.000 align:middle line:84% which provides us with a nice house and gives me time to work 00:20:02.000 --> 00:20:03.290 align:middle line:90% at the Center." 00:20:03.290 --> 00:20:05.780 align:middle line:84% She ducked under the limb of a catalpa tree, 00:20:05.780 --> 00:20:08.000 align:middle line:90% and continued her surge forward. 00:20:08.000 --> 00:20:10.670 align:middle line:84% Anyone looking out a window would have seen a mad woman 00:20:10.670 --> 00:20:12.980 align:middle line:84% wearing only a robe talking to herself, 00:20:12.980 --> 00:20:16.040 align:middle line:84% counting with her fingers, walking across grassy yards 00:20:16.040 --> 00:20:18.740 align:middle line:84% with a frightening barefoot determination. 00:20:18.740 --> 00:20:21.200 align:middle line:90% But Angela Vorda was not insane. 00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:23.960 align:middle line:84% Often she believed herself most free of the languor 00:20:23.960 --> 00:20:26.690 align:middle line:84% of the suburbs while tromping through them. 00:20:26.690 --> 00:20:29.330 align:middle line:84% She counted up her husband's good qualities. 00:20:29.330 --> 00:20:31.880 align:middle line:84% Most of them centering around his friendliness, 00:20:31.880 --> 00:20:35.150 align:middle line:84% his ability to make anyone, including herself, 00:20:35.150 --> 00:20:38.060 align:middle line:84% feel deep, feel happy and comfortable. 00:20:38.060 --> 00:20:40.190 align:middle line:84% And he cooked once or twice a week. 00:20:40.190 --> 00:20:42.410 align:middle line:84% He cared deeply for Angela's daughter. 00:20:42.410 --> 00:20:43.580 align:middle line:90% He was pleasant. 00:20:43.580 --> 00:20:46.340 align:middle line:84% He took out the garbage without being asked. 00:20:46.340 --> 00:20:49.520 align:middle line:84% He often helped Angela at the Center for Peace and Justice. 00:20:49.520 --> 00:20:50.840 align:middle line:90% He was a good lover. 00:20:50.840 --> 00:20:53.660 align:middle line:84% He never left little hairs in the sink after shaving. 00:20:53.660 --> 00:20:54.920 align:middle line:90% He liked her cooking. 00:20:54.920 --> 00:20:57.620 align:middle line:84% He read good books and enjoyed talking about them. 00:20:57.620 --> 00:20:58.880 align:middle line:90% He listened to her. 00:20:58.880 --> 00:21:01.040 align:middle line:90% He cleaned the tub. 00:21:01.040 --> 00:21:03.230 align:middle line:84% By the time she'd exhausted this list, 00:21:03.230 --> 00:21:05.600 align:middle line:84% she had trampled more than 20 lawns 00:21:05.600 --> 00:21:07.250 align:middle line:90% and was approaching her own. 00:21:07.250 --> 00:21:10.640 align:middle line:84% She paused to begin her list of grievances against him. 00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:14.090 align:middle line:84% "One," she said, jabbing at the air with her index finger, 00:21:14.090 --> 00:21:17.210 align:middle line:90% "he is a philandering bastard!" 00:21:17.210 --> 00:21:20.030 align:middle line:84% She began walking again in order to concentrate. 00:21:20.030 --> 00:21:22.100 align:middle line:90% Two, he's dishonest." 00:21:22.100 --> 00:21:24.590 align:middle line:84% As she announced this, she halted suddenly 00:21:24.590 --> 00:21:26.690 align:middle line:84% and threw her hand over her heart. 00:21:26.690 --> 00:21:29.075 align:middle line:84% A burglar was breaking into their house. 00:21:29.075 --> 00:21:31.740 align:middle line:90% 00:21:31.740 --> 00:21:34.740 align:middle line:84% It took her only a second to realize the person was not 00:21:34.740 --> 00:21:37.470 align:middle line:84% a burglar climbing through a window into her house, 00:21:37.470 --> 00:21:40.980 align:middle line:84% but her daughter crawling out, feet first, 00:21:40.980 --> 00:21:43.590 align:middle line:84% which was how she had left the womb. 00:21:43.590 --> 00:21:46.050 align:middle line:84% The second of silence and fear kept Angela 00:21:46.050 --> 00:21:48.330 align:middle line:84% from charging ahead and spanking her daughters 00:21:48.330 --> 00:21:51.360 align:middle line:90% butt as it emerged. 00:21:51.360 --> 00:21:54.570 align:middle line:84% Instead, she took a step back into the neighbor's yard, 00:21:54.570 --> 00:21:58.560 align:middle line:84% beneath their towering pine and Dulcie dropped to the grass. 00:21:58.560 --> 00:22:01.860 align:middle line:84% What in the name of heaven could she be up to? 00:22:01.860 --> 00:22:04.410 align:middle line:84% The skill with which she lowered herself to the ground, 00:22:04.410 --> 00:22:06.870 align:middle line:84% the aplomb she displayed in closing 00:22:06.870 --> 00:22:09.780 align:middle line:84% the window all but a crack, made Angela think 00:22:09.780 --> 00:22:11.590 align:middle line:90% that she had done this before. 00:22:11.590 --> 00:22:13.410 align:middle line:84% Which frightened her and convinced 00:22:13.410 --> 00:22:16.650 align:middle line:84% her to pursue the plan that had already formed in her head. 00:22:16.650 --> 00:22:19.260 align:middle line:90% She would follow her daughter. 00:22:19.260 --> 00:22:21.930 align:middle line:84% She watched from the tree as Dulcie crossed their yard, 00:22:21.930 --> 00:22:24.600 align:middle line:84% and then the street hurrying up the sidewalk to the corner 00:22:24.600 --> 00:22:27.180 align:middle line:84% where she was immediately bathed in light. 00:22:27.180 --> 00:22:30.090 align:middle line:84% An old convertible was waiting for her. 00:22:30.090 --> 00:22:32.910 align:middle line:84% Had Angela crossed the street before circling the block she 00:22:32.910 --> 00:22:35.430 align:middle line:90% would have walked right by it. 00:22:35.430 --> 00:22:38.470 align:middle line:84% The car coughed to life and pulled to the curb. 00:22:38.470 --> 00:22:41.190 align:middle line:84% Dulcie jumped in the back without opening the door, 00:22:41.190 --> 00:22:44.160 align:middle line:84% tumbling onto the laps of several riders. 00:22:44.160 --> 00:22:47.160 align:middle line:84% As the car pulled away, Angela ran to the house 00:22:47.160 --> 00:22:50.370 align:middle line:84% first pulling shut Dulcie's window until it clicked, 00:22:50.370 --> 00:22:54.730 align:middle line:84% then dashing inside to grab her keys. 00:22:54.730 --> 00:22:58.470 align:middle line:84% Her aging Volkswagen Bug started quickly as it rarely did. 00:22:58.470 --> 00:23:01.320 align:middle line:84% Angela [AUDIO OUT] driving the dark suburban streets 00:23:01.320 --> 00:23:03.150 align:middle line:90% looking for the convertible. 00:23:03.150 --> 00:23:05.190 align:middle line:90% There were no cars anywhere. 00:23:05.190 --> 00:23:07.500 align:middle line:84% Taking a risk, she headed for Ridgeway, 00:23:07.500 --> 00:23:10.350 align:middle line:84% which was the nearest major street and the quickest escape 00:23:10.350 --> 00:23:13.140 align:middle line:84% from the suburbs for restless teenagers. 00:23:13.140 --> 00:23:16.440 align:middle line:84% She made a left onto Ridgeway, but immediately spotted a car 00:23:16.440 --> 00:23:19.690 align:middle line:84% in her rear view mirror, accelerating away from her. 00:23:19.690 --> 00:23:22.470 align:middle line:84% She executed a U-turn and began chasing 00:23:22.470 --> 00:23:25.110 align:middle line:90% the lone car she could see. 00:23:25.110 --> 00:23:27.810 align:middle line:84% Ridgeway was the sort of street that suburban residents 00:23:27.810 --> 00:23:30.000 align:middle line:84% complained about endlessly and where 00:23:30.000 --> 00:23:32.080 align:middle line:90% they spent much of their time. 00:23:32.080 --> 00:23:34.650 align:middle line:84% In contrast to the winding residential lanes, 00:23:34.650 --> 00:23:37.350 align:middle line:84% Ridgeway lay straight and wide, lit by all night 00:23:37.350 --> 00:23:39.330 align:middle line:84% gas stations and convenience stores, 00:23:39.330 --> 00:23:41.010 align:middle line:84% cluttered with the familiar tacky 00:23:41.010 --> 00:23:44.400 align:middle line:84% signs of fast food and grocery chains. 00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:47.820 align:middle line:84% Young people cruised the street, calling out from one car 00:23:47.820 --> 00:23:50.580 align:middle line:84% to another or yelling at any soul unlucky enough 00:23:50.580 --> 00:23:52.350 align:middle line:90% to be without wheels. 00:23:52.350 --> 00:23:55.170 align:middle line:84% At this hour, it was almost abandoned. 00:23:55.170 --> 00:23:57.357 align:middle line:84% The only other time Angela could remember 00:23:57.357 --> 00:23:59.190 align:middle line:84% being on Ridgeway in the middle of the night 00:23:59.190 --> 00:24:01.320 align:middle line:84% had been when Dulcie had run a high fever 00:24:01.320 --> 00:24:03.810 align:middle line:84% and Quinn had dropped the thermometer. 00:24:03.810 --> 00:24:08.190 align:middle line:84% Angela had taken the VW to the 7-eleven to purchase a new one. 00:24:08.190 --> 00:24:11.640 align:middle line:84% The memory created a warmth in her chest for Quinn and Dulcie 00:24:11.640 --> 00:24:14.790 align:middle line:84% making her forget for the moment that she was ready to murder 00:24:14.790 --> 00:24:16.890 align:middle line:90% both of them. 00:24:16.890 --> 00:24:19.500 align:middle line:84% Her doubts about the identity of the car she followed 00:24:19.500 --> 00:24:21.660 align:middle line:84% disappeared when a shiny silver can 00:24:21.660 --> 00:24:23.550 align:middle line:84% came flying out of the back seat, 00:24:23.550 --> 00:24:26.760 align:middle line:84% grazing the trunk before bouncing into the street. 00:24:26.760 --> 00:24:29.580 align:middle line:84% The beer can still rolling along the asphalt 00:24:29.580 --> 00:24:32.910 align:middle line:84% when Angela passed it looked to be the same brand Quinn 00:24:32.910 --> 00:24:35.280 align:middle line:84% purchased regularly, and was probably 00:24:35.280 --> 00:24:37.500 align:middle line:90% from their own refrigerator. 00:24:37.500 --> 00:24:39.660 align:middle line:84% She wanted to brake and retrieve it. 00:24:39.660 --> 00:24:41.220 align:middle line:84% If it was from their refrigerator, 00:24:41.220 --> 00:24:42.870 align:middle line:90% she felt responsible. 00:24:42.870 --> 00:24:46.680 align:middle line:84% But she did not stop for fear of losing sight of the convertible. 00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:49.507 align:middle line:84% Instead she sped up, more angry than ever. 00:24:49.507 --> 00:24:51.840 align:middle line:84% It was bad enough that her daughter was out with a group 00:24:51.840 --> 00:24:56.190 align:middle line:84% drinking on a joyride, but they littered besides. 00:24:56.190 --> 00:24:58.500 align:middle line:84% In the distance, the convertible's tail lights 00:24:58.500 --> 00:25:01.830 align:middle line:84% suddenly veered as the car entered the freeway ramp. 00:25:01.830 --> 00:25:04.380 align:middle line:84% Angela accelerated again to catch up. 00:25:04.380 --> 00:25:07.080 align:middle line:84% The freeway [AUDIO OUT] regardless of the time. 00:25:07.080 --> 00:25:09.690 align:middle line:84% She did not want to lose track of them. 00:25:09.690 --> 00:25:12.450 align:middle line:84% The ramp led to northbound lanes and she 00:25:12.450 --> 00:25:16.440 align:middle line:84% guessed they were heading to Los Angeles, 40 miles up the coast. 00:25:16.440 --> 00:25:19.080 align:middle line:84% Angela imagined that her daughter went there every night 00:25:19.080 --> 00:25:22.080 align:middle line:84% to drink and take drugs, rob laundromats, act 00:25:22.080 --> 00:25:24.810 align:middle line:90% in pornographic films. 00:25:24.810 --> 00:25:27.870 align:middle line:84% Knowing these speculations were exaggerated and more than likely 00:25:27.870 --> 00:25:30.840 align:middle line:84% false, she dismissed them, forcing herself to view 00:25:30.840 --> 00:25:33.480 align:middle line:90% the situation as it really was. 00:25:33.480 --> 00:25:35.400 align:middle line:84% She had no evidence that Dulcie had ever 00:25:35.400 --> 00:25:38.940 align:middle line:84% done this before except the girl's ready talent for it. 00:25:38.940 --> 00:25:42.660 align:middle line:84% She had no reason to suspect that anything awful was going on 00:25:42.660 --> 00:25:45.690 align:middle line:84% in that car except for the few things she could observe. 00:25:45.690 --> 00:25:49.170 align:middle line:84% Drinking certainly, underage, and in a moving vehicle that 00:25:49.170 --> 00:25:52.800 align:middle line:84% didn't even have a top for God's sakes, and speeding she 00:25:52.800 --> 00:25:55.080 align:middle line:84% noted, glancing at her speedometer. 00:25:55.080 --> 00:25:57.750 align:middle line:84% Sneaking around, lying to her mother, 00:25:57.750 --> 00:26:00.900 align:middle line:84% being out with people too old for a 15-year-old to be out 00:26:00.900 --> 00:26:05.610 align:middle line:84% with, blowing curfew to hell, smoking pot, more than likely. 00:26:05.610 --> 00:26:06.990 align:middle line:90% And sex? 00:26:06.990 --> 00:26:10.200 align:middle line:84% Maybe only a [AUDIO OUT] hug, a carefully placed squeeze. 00:26:10.200 --> 00:26:13.230 align:middle line:84% No clothes were flying out of the car. 00:26:13.230 --> 00:26:16.410 align:middle line:84% The convertible exited the freeway and Angela slowed 00:26:16.410 --> 00:26:20.040 align:middle line:90% to avoid following too closely. 00:26:20.040 --> 00:26:22.067 align:middle line:84% The road led to another affluent suburb 00:26:22.067 --> 00:26:24.150 align:middle line:84% and she guessed there was an all night party going 00:26:24.150 --> 00:26:27.670 align:middle line:84% on at the house of a family whose adults were out of town. 00:26:27.670 --> 00:26:30.480 align:middle line:84% But the convertible turned in the wrong direction, 00:26:30.480 --> 00:26:34.290 align:middle line:84% crossing the overpass, leading to who knew where. 00:26:34.290 --> 00:26:37.050 align:middle line:84% Shortly after the overpass, the pavement ended. 00:26:37.050 --> 00:26:39.510 align:middle line:84% The lights of the convertible disappeared. 00:26:39.510 --> 00:26:44.370 align:middle line:84% Angela found herself on a gravel road winding over a grassy hill. 00:26:44.370 --> 00:26:49.230 align:middle line:84% To her surprise, on the other side of the hill, lay the ocean. 00:26:49.230 --> 00:26:52.980 align:middle line:84% She switched off her lights, then killed the engine too. 00:26:52.980 --> 00:26:55.920 align:middle line:84% The red tail lights appeared again moving slowly 00:26:55.920 --> 00:26:58.650 align:middle line:84% along the beach and finally stopping. 00:26:58.650 --> 00:27:01.140 align:middle line:90% Angela let the VW coast. 00:27:01.140 --> 00:27:04.050 align:middle line:84% She was able to roll undetected down the hill 00:27:04.050 --> 00:27:06.460 align:middle line:84% and parked behind a high sand dune, 00:27:06.460 --> 00:27:08.910 align:middle line:90% 100 yards from the convertible. 00:27:08.910 --> 00:27:11.460 align:middle line:84% Shouts came from the [AUDIO OUT] She could not 00:27:11.460 --> 00:27:13.290 align:middle line:90% tell what the kids were doing. 00:27:13.290 --> 00:27:15.570 align:middle line:84% She got out of her car and crept forward, 00:27:15.570 --> 00:27:18.840 align:middle line:84% the wind blowing her hair and fluttering the robe. 00:27:18.840 --> 00:27:21.540 align:middle line:84% The light at the top of the car's open trunk 00:27:21.540 --> 00:27:24.120 align:middle line:84% provided a spray of illumination. 00:27:24.120 --> 00:27:29.010 align:middle line:84% A boy lifted logs from the car and tossed them to a squat girl 00:27:29.010 --> 00:27:30.480 align:middle line:90% with short hair. 00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:32.790 align:middle line:84% As Angela drew closer, she could see 00:27:32.790 --> 00:27:34.800 align:middle line:84% that the logs were covered with paper, 00:27:34.800 --> 00:27:38.130 align:middle line:84% the mass produced fire logs sold in groceries. 00:27:38.130 --> 00:27:40.440 align:middle line:84% The girl heaved the logs to a second boy, 00:27:40.440 --> 00:27:42.270 align:middle line:90% who dropped them onto the sand. 00:27:42.270 --> 00:27:46.260 align:middle line:84% Within seconds, the trunk was slammed shut 00:27:46.260 --> 00:27:50.580 align:middle line:84% and a small fire was burning on the beach. 00:27:50.580 --> 00:27:53.850 align:middle line:84% Angela ran in a crouch to the abandoned convertible, 00:27:53.850 --> 00:27:58.230 align:middle line:84% where she kneeled and listened, but could hear only the ocean. 00:27:58.230 --> 00:28:00.450 align:middle line:84% She raised her head just above the door. 00:28:00.450 --> 00:28:04.140 align:middle line:84% Eight kids, she counted them, stood around the measly fire 00:28:04.140 --> 00:28:06.090 align:middle line:90% drinking beer from cans. 00:28:06.090 --> 00:28:08.370 align:middle line:84% They all look to be roughly Dulcie's age, 00:28:08.370 --> 00:28:11.940 align:middle line:84% although one had to be at least a year older to have driven. 00:28:11.940 --> 00:28:15.600 align:middle line:84% Angela identified only Yates, Dulcie's best friend 00:28:15.600 --> 00:28:18.900 align:middle line:84% and Dulcie herself, who had her back to the car. 00:28:18.900 --> 00:28:22.260 align:middle line:84% But Angela recognized her bottom and shoulders, her stance, 00:28:22.260 --> 00:28:25.050 align:middle line:84% the cut of her hair, the jeans they had selected together 00:28:25.050 --> 00:28:27.000 align:middle line:90% at the Socorro mall. 00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:29.250 align:middle line:84% As she watched, Dulcie pointed out 00:28:29.250 --> 00:28:32.430 align:middle line:84% to the ocean, her body swaying gently. 00:28:32.430 --> 00:28:34.800 align:middle line:84% Angela guessed they had a portable tape player, 00:28:34.800 --> 00:28:38.890 align:middle line:84% but she could not hear over the persistent waves. 00:28:38.890 --> 00:28:41.040 align:middle line:84% She raised her head slightly higher 00:28:41.040 --> 00:28:42.870 align:middle line:84% to see if there was something specific 00:28:42.870 --> 00:28:44.700 align:middle line:90% at which her daughter pointed. 00:28:44.700 --> 00:28:47.460 align:middle line:84% She could make out nothing in the darkness. 00:28:47.460 --> 00:28:49.200 align:middle line:84% While she tried to decide whether she 00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:51.780 align:middle line:84% was relieved that they were merely going to the beach 00:28:51.780 --> 00:28:53.310 align:middle line:84% or all the more angry because they 00:28:53.310 --> 00:28:55.860 align:middle line:84% were drinking in an unregulated area, 00:28:55.860 --> 00:28:58.140 align:middle line:84% Angela saw there was another person. 00:28:58.140 --> 00:29:01.740 align:middle line:84% A girl, passed out in the back seat of the convertible. 00:29:01.740 --> 00:29:05.070 align:middle line:84% Except for a pair of black socks and brown sandals, 00:29:05.070 --> 00:29:07.950 align:middle line:90% she was naked. 00:29:07.950 --> 00:29:10.140 align:middle line:84% The sight of her made Angela jump. 00:29:10.140 --> 00:29:12.300 align:middle line:84% She raised herself over the car door 00:29:12.300 --> 00:29:14.760 align:middle line:84% and touched the girl's calf, which was warm. 00:29:14.760 --> 00:29:17.610 align:middle line:84% But Angela could see no evidence the girl was breathing. 00:29:17.610 --> 00:29:19.890 align:middle line:84% Of this one thing she had to be certain 00:29:19.890 --> 00:29:22.980 align:middle line:84% before she went to the fire and retrieved her daughter. 00:29:22.980 --> 00:29:26.130 align:middle line:84% She rounded the car, cinching her robe in the process, 00:29:26.130 --> 00:29:28.800 align:middle line:84% no longer caring if she was spotted, and leaned 00:29:28.800 --> 00:29:32.400 align:middle line:84% over the opposite door in order to touch the girl's chest 00:29:32.400 --> 00:29:37.140 align:middle line:84% and confirm that it was, in fact, rising and falling. 00:29:37.140 --> 00:29:39.330 align:middle line:90% She charged toward the fire. 00:29:39.330 --> 00:29:43.290 align:middle line:84% Managing to glimpse the last two kids, a boy and a girl, 00:29:43.290 --> 00:29:48.240 align:middle line:84% shed their underwear and run hand in hand to the ocean. 00:29:48.240 --> 00:29:50.430 align:middle line:90% The fire did not burn brightly. 00:29:50.430 --> 00:29:53.340 align:middle line:84% Though she waved her arms and screamed her daughter's name, 00:29:53.340 --> 00:29:55.140 align:middle line:90% they were unable to hear her. 00:29:55.140 --> 00:29:57.120 align:middle line:84% If they saw her at all, they probably 00:29:57.120 --> 00:29:59.610 align:middle line:84% assumed their friend had revived. 00:29:59.610 --> 00:30:02.430 align:middle line:84% Angela looked quickly over the piles of clothing 00:30:02.430 --> 00:30:05.880 align:middle line:84% until she spotted Dorsey's jeans, long sleeved t-shirt, 00:30:05.880 --> 00:30:09.450 align:middle line:84% and panties, which Angela could not help herself, 00:30:09.450 --> 00:30:12.090 align:middle line:90% she pressed to her nose. 00:30:12.090 --> 00:30:15.910 align:middle line:84% They did not smell of sex, a small relief. 00:30:15.910 --> 00:30:18.870 align:middle line:84% With the clothing in hand, she ran to the water's edge 00:30:18.870 --> 00:30:20.400 align:middle line:90% where she called out. 00:30:20.400 --> 00:30:22.950 align:middle line:84% From this point, she could see a few dark figures 00:30:22.950 --> 00:30:26.910 align:middle line:84% at a distance and several more not quite so far out. 00:30:26.910 --> 00:30:31.200 align:middle line:84% The farthest ones, if they were in a rip tide, as she instantly 00:30:31.200 --> 00:30:35.250 align:middle line:84% imagined they were, would have to be rescued. 00:30:35.250 --> 00:30:38.460 align:middle line:84% A wave splashed against her legs and the hem of her robe. 00:30:38.460 --> 00:30:41.430 align:middle line:84% The water would make the robe too heavy to swim in. 00:30:41.430 --> 00:30:44.220 align:middle line:84% She could wait for them, but she had the terrible feeling 00:30:44.220 --> 00:30:47.190 align:middle line:84% that if she waited, her daughter would drown. 00:30:47.190 --> 00:30:49.470 align:middle line:84% She called for Dulcie a final time, 00:30:49.470 --> 00:30:51.990 align:middle line:84% then reluctantly, she untied the belt 00:30:51.990 --> 00:30:56.280 align:middle line:84% and dropped the robe, along with Dulcie's clothing, in the sand. 00:30:56.280 --> 00:30:58.650 align:middle line:84% Running through the ocean proved too awkward. 00:30:58.650 --> 00:30:59.970 align:middle line:90% She walked quickly. 00:30:59.970 --> 00:31:02.040 align:middle line:84% The water like a too friendly dog, 00:31:02.040 --> 00:31:04.290 align:middle line:90% slowing her with its caresses. 00:31:04.290 --> 00:31:07.440 align:middle line:84% Before her thighs were covered, a naked boy and girl 00:31:07.440 --> 00:31:10.350 align:middle line:84% abruptly appeared before her, staring at her. 00:31:10.350 --> 00:31:14.220 align:middle line:84% The boy glancing from her breasts to her crotch said, 00:31:14.220 --> 00:31:16.590 align:middle line:90% "Who are you?" 00:31:16.590 --> 00:31:18.990 align:middle line:84% "Get out of the water this instant!" 00:31:18.990 --> 00:31:21.180 align:middle line:84% Angela said it with such conviction 00:31:21.180 --> 00:31:23.220 align:middle line:90% they immediately obeyed. 00:31:23.220 --> 00:31:26.430 align:middle line:84% And put some clothes on!" she yelled at their backs, 00:31:26.430 --> 00:31:29.950 align:middle line:84% before diving in and beginning to stroke. 00:31:29.950 --> 00:31:32.140 align:middle line:84% She was a good swimmer, though out of practice 00:31:32.140 --> 00:31:33.280 align:middle line:90% and out of shape. 00:31:33.280 --> 00:31:35.740 align:middle line:84% By the time she reached the first group of heads, 00:31:35.740 --> 00:31:37.720 align:middle line:84% she was also out of breath and relieved 00:31:37.720 --> 00:31:40.720 align:middle line:84% to find the water was not too deep for her to stand. 00:31:40.720 --> 00:31:43.720 align:middle line:84% Maura Yates was among this group. 00:31:43.720 --> 00:31:46.090 align:middle line:84% While the others gaped at Angela, Maura, 00:31:46.090 --> 00:31:50.048 align:middle line:84% who was mounted on a boy's back, merely said, "Hi, Mrs. Vorda, 00:31:50.048 --> 00:31:51.215 align:middle line:90% are you looking for Dulcie?" 00:31:51.215 --> 00:31:53.890 align:middle line:90% 00:31:53.890 --> 00:31:56.110 align:middle line:90% Angela said that she was. 00:31:56.110 --> 00:32:00.730 align:middle line:84% Maura directed her with a beer can to distant, darker waters. 00:32:00.730 --> 00:32:03.640 align:middle line:84% "Get to the beach this instant," Angela told her, 00:32:03.640 --> 00:32:07.870 align:middle line:84% but she was too winded to muster the authority she had earlier. 00:32:07.870 --> 00:32:10.030 align:middle line:84% "We'll wait for you here," Maura said, 00:32:10.030 --> 00:32:13.900 align:middle line:84% the others still too dumbfounded to utter a syllable. 00:32:13.900 --> 00:32:16.870 align:middle line:84% It disappointed but did not surprise Angela 00:32:16.870 --> 00:32:20.350 align:middle line:84% that her daughter would be among those who were the farthest out. 00:32:20.350 --> 00:32:23.740 align:middle line:84% She swam, anger balancing fatigue. 00:32:23.740 --> 00:32:25.870 align:middle line:84% When she finally came close enough to faces, 00:32:25.870 --> 00:32:29.080 align:middle line:84% she saw only two boys treading within a few yards 00:32:29.080 --> 00:32:30.310 align:middle line:90% of one another. 00:32:30.310 --> 00:32:32.680 align:middle line:90% She felt a tremor of panic. 00:32:32.680 --> 00:32:34.690 align:middle line:84% In the dark water between the boys, 00:32:34.690 --> 00:32:38.140 align:middle line:84% Dulcie surfaced wearing a mischievous smirk, 00:32:38.140 --> 00:32:40.630 align:middle line:90% until she noticed Angela. 00:32:40.630 --> 00:32:41.290 align:middle line:90% "Mom?" 00:32:41.290 --> 00:32:43.070 align:middle line:90% she said. 00:32:43.070 --> 00:32:44.320 align:middle line:90% "What are you doing out here?" 00:32:44.320 --> 00:32:47.350 align:middle line:84% Angela demanded, but her voice was hoarse from the swim. 00:32:47.350 --> 00:32:48.910 align:middle line:90% They could not hear her. 00:32:48.910 --> 00:32:50.410 align:middle line:90% "That you, mom?" 00:32:50.410 --> 00:32:51.850 align:middle line:90% Dulcie said. 00:32:51.850 --> 00:32:54.280 align:middle line:84% Close enough now to be heard, Angela 00:32:54.280 --> 00:32:57.730 align:middle line:84% merely grabbed Dulcie's arm and tugged her away. 00:32:57.730 --> 00:33:01.150 align:middle line:84% "Swim," she commanded, and released her. 00:33:01.150 --> 00:33:02.560 align:middle line:90% "Is something wrong?" 00:33:02.560 --> 00:33:04.990 align:middle line:90% Dulcie asked, as she swam. 00:33:04.990 --> 00:33:06.280 align:middle line:90% Angela only glared. 00:33:06.280 --> 00:33:09.460 align:middle line:90% 00:33:09.460 --> 00:33:12.310 align:middle line:84% She had left the robe and Dulcie's clothing 00:33:12.310 --> 00:33:17.560 align:middle line:84% too close to the water, and they had washed away. 00:33:17.560 --> 00:33:21.280 align:middle line:84% She had to face the teenagers naked. 00:33:21.280 --> 00:33:23.140 align:middle line:84% One of them had dressed, but the others 00:33:23.140 --> 00:33:26.110 align:middle line:84% were nude, with their backs to the dying fire. 00:33:26.110 --> 00:33:28.840 align:middle line:84% Angela held onto her daughter's wrist. 00:33:28.840 --> 00:33:31.300 align:middle line:84% "Is that girl in the car all right?" 00:33:31.300 --> 00:33:33.100 align:middle line:84% This was the first thing she said, 00:33:33.100 --> 00:33:34.720 align:middle line:84% directing the question to the one 00:33:34.720 --> 00:33:36.910 align:middle line:90% boy who had put his pants on. 00:33:36.910 --> 00:33:39.820 align:middle line:84% However, it was Maura, still naked and still drinking 00:33:39.820 --> 00:33:41.320 align:middle line:90% beer, who responded. 00:33:41.320 --> 00:33:43.240 align:middle line:90% "She's right here, Mrs. Vorda." 00:33:43.240 --> 00:33:46.630 align:middle line:84% Maura lifted the flaccid arm of another naked girl. 00:33:46.630 --> 00:33:49.300 align:middle line:84% Angela glanced down at the girl's black socks 00:33:49.300 --> 00:33:50.680 align:middle line:90% and brown sandals. 00:33:50.680 --> 00:33:54.550 align:middle line:84% One of the boys laughed at this in a loud, throaty voice. 00:33:54.550 --> 00:33:58.480 align:middle line:84% He was sitting in the sand, and Mara leaned against him. 00:33:58.480 --> 00:34:01.600 align:middle line:84% "You will come home with us, Maura," Angela told her. 00:34:01.600 --> 00:34:03.550 align:middle line:90% "It's her car," Dulcie said. 00:34:03.550 --> 00:34:06.880 align:middle line:84% "She's not old enough to have a car," Angela said. 00:34:06.880 --> 00:34:09.909 align:middle line:84% "I have a learner's permit," Mara announced happily, 00:34:09.909 --> 00:34:11.920 align:middle line:90% waving her beer. 00:34:11.920 --> 00:34:14.770 align:middle line:84% The boy she was propped against stood then. 00:34:14.770 --> 00:34:18.429 align:middle line:84% He had his penis in his hand and it was erect. 00:34:18.429 --> 00:34:20.830 align:middle line:90% Angela backed a step away. 00:34:20.830 --> 00:34:22.179 align:middle line:90% Her breathing stopped. 00:34:22.179 --> 00:34:24.940 align:middle line:84% The boy seemed to register her fear. 00:34:24.940 --> 00:34:26.409 align:middle line:90% He smiled at her. 00:34:26.409 --> 00:34:28.389 align:middle line:90% "Hey Dulcie," he said. 00:34:28.389 --> 00:34:31.449 align:middle line:84% But he continued to stare at Angela, [AUDIO OUT] cock, 00:34:31.449 --> 00:34:33.100 align:middle line:90% massaging himself. 00:34:33.100 --> 00:34:36.790 align:middle line:84% "Hey, your mom's got some nice tits." 00:34:36.790 --> 00:34:39.760 align:middle line:84% To Angela's horror, Dulcie laughed. 00:34:39.760 --> 00:34:42.130 align:middle line:84% Angela took cautious backward steps 00:34:42.130 --> 00:34:46.840 align:middle line:84% before turning, jerking Dulcie's arm to make her follow. 00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:48.040 align:middle line:90% "See you guys!" 00:34:48.040 --> 00:34:49.630 align:middle line:90% Dulcie called. 00:34:49.630 --> 00:34:53.590 align:middle line:84% The boy yelled, "Her ass is pretty fine, too." 00:34:53.590 --> 00:34:55.929 align:middle line:84% When Dulcie laughed this time, Angela 00:34:55.929 --> 00:34:57.970 align:middle line:90% slapped her across the face. 00:34:57.970 --> 00:35:00.220 align:middle line:84% "Get to the car," she said sternly, 00:35:00.220 --> 00:35:04.540 align:middle line:84% aiming her in the direction of the VW. 00:35:04.540 --> 00:35:07.420 align:middle line:84% There was nothing in the car to cover themselves with. 00:35:07.420 --> 00:35:10.030 align:middle line:84% Worse, the Volkswagen wouldn't start, 00:35:10.030 --> 00:35:13.660 align:middle line:84% and Angela had time to imagine several degrading towing 00:35:13.660 --> 00:35:18.220 align:middle line:84% scenes before the engine finally turned over. 00:35:18.220 --> 00:35:20.500 align:middle line:84% They drove in silence up the gravel road 00:35:20.500 --> 00:35:21.970 align:middle line:90% and onto the freeway. 00:35:21.970 --> 00:35:24.040 align:middle line:84% Dulcie stared out the car window. 00:35:24.040 --> 00:35:28.150 align:middle line:84% She turned on the radio, which Angela immediately switched off, 00:35:28.150 --> 00:35:32.800 align:middle line:84% then stared out the window again saying, finally, "It was funny. 00:35:32.800 --> 00:35:36.010 align:middle line:84% When someone [AUDIO OUT] funny, I laugh." 00:35:36.010 --> 00:35:41.950 align:middle line:84% Angela, now four hours pregnant, said nothing, her heart pounding 00:35:41.950 --> 00:35:43.540 align:middle line:90% in her throat. 00:35:43.540 --> 00:35:45.790 align:middle line:84% A diesel pulled along beside them. 00:35:45.790 --> 00:35:48.130 align:middle line:84% Stenciled on the side of the driver's door 00:35:48.130 --> 00:35:53.020 align:middle line:84% was the word hostess, in the familiar cupcake script. 00:35:53.020 --> 00:35:56.290 align:middle line:84% Dulcie suddenly lowered her window and yelled, "Hey!" 00:35:56.290 --> 00:35:58.990 align:middle line:84% She motioned with her fist up and down. 00:35:58.990 --> 00:36:01.390 align:middle line:90% The trucker sounded his horn. 00:36:01.390 --> 00:36:04.030 align:middle line:84% Dulcie grinned and raised her window. 00:36:04.030 --> 00:36:07.570 align:middle line:84% "His thrill for the night,: she said, and flicked the nipple 00:36:07.570 --> 00:36:10.090 align:middle line:90% of one of her breasts. 00:36:10.090 --> 00:36:13.660 align:middle line:84% It took all of Angela's concentration to drive. 00:36:13.660 --> 00:36:16.960 align:middle line:84% The night had grown closer and blacker. 00:36:16.960 --> 00:36:19.900 align:middle line:84% Dulcie turned on the radio again and Angela did not 00:36:19.900 --> 00:36:22.300 align:middle line:84% want to look from the road to click it off. 00:36:22.300 --> 00:36:24.760 align:middle line:84% The cool glib voice of a disc jockey 00:36:24.760 --> 00:36:27.430 align:middle line:84% filled the car, anonymously perfect, 00:36:27.430 --> 00:36:30.110 align:middle line:84% like every other disc jockey in the country. 00:36:30.110 --> 00:36:32.710 align:middle line:84% He was selling Flex hair conditioner. 00:36:32.710 --> 00:36:36.160 align:middle line:84% On sale now, creamy, lightly scented. 00:36:36.160 --> 00:36:39.040 align:middle line:84% Angela steered the car through the traffic of the freeway 00:36:39.040 --> 00:36:42.370 align:middle line:84% onto gaudy, abandoned Ridgeway and down the twisting 00:36:42.370 --> 00:36:47.080 align:middle line:84% lanes of dark houses, dark lawns and towering pines. 00:36:47.080 --> 00:36:47.710 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:36:47.710 --> 00:37:08.890 align:middle line:90% 00:37:08.890 --> 00:37:11.530 align:middle line:84% Second reader tonight, Antonya Nelson 00:37:11.530 --> 00:37:14.800 align:middle line:84% is the author of The Expendables, In the Land of Men, 00:37:14.800 --> 00:37:16.750 align:middle line:90% and Family Terrorists. 00:37:16.750 --> 00:37:20.530 align:middle line:84% Her work has also appeared in the New Yorker and The Best 00:37:20.530 --> 00:37:22.150 align:middle line:90% American Short Stories. 00:37:22.150 --> 00:37:25.030 align:middle line:84% She received an NEA and the Flannery O'Connor award 00:37:25.030 --> 00:37:27.940 align:middle line:84% for fiction, and currently teaches 00:37:27.940 --> 00:37:31.090 align:middle line:84% at New Mexico State University, as well as Warren Wilson 00:37:31.090 --> 00:37:33.940 align:middle line:90% Program for Writers. 00:37:33.940 --> 00:37:38.320 align:middle line:84% Antonya Nelson presides over provocative two word titles. 00:37:38.320 --> 00:37:42.970 align:middle line:84% Naked Ladies, Dog Problems, Family Terrorists. 00:37:42.970 --> 00:37:45.790 align:middle line:84% She does more than hold her own in a two writer family, 00:37:45.790 --> 00:37:48.820 align:middle line:84% she holds sway in the country where the bizarre so often 00:37:48.820 --> 00:37:51.580 align:middle line:90% impinges on the everyday. 00:37:51.580 --> 00:37:54.700 align:middle line:84% Although she began teaching at Warren Wilson after I graduated, 00:37:54.700 --> 00:37:57.040 align:middle line:84% I got to see her in action in Las Cruces 00:37:57.040 --> 00:37:59.320 align:middle line:84% when I was a visiting writer there. 00:37:59.320 --> 00:38:02.140 align:middle line:84% And not only does she balance family and a writing career 00:38:02.140 --> 00:38:04.510 align:middle line:84% with a seemingly flick of the wrist, 00:38:04.510 --> 00:38:06.850 align:middle line:84% she's also a teacher who puts in a lot more 00:38:06.850 --> 00:38:08.980 align:middle line:90% than the required time. 00:38:08.980 --> 00:38:11.470 align:middle line:84% She opens her home to students and has created 00:38:11.470 --> 00:38:13.930 align:middle line:90% an extended family of writers. 00:38:13.930 --> 00:38:16.420 align:middle line:84% There was talk of Chekhov in the kitchen, 00:38:16.420 --> 00:38:20.740 align:middle line:84% Alice Munro in the living room, Flannery O'Connor in the hall. 00:38:20.740 --> 00:38:23.020 align:middle line:84% She's a force to be reckoned with. 00:38:23.020 --> 00:38:24.385 align:middle line:90% Please welcome Antonya Nelson. 00:38:24.385 --> 00:38:34.530 align:middle line:90% 00:38:34.530 --> 00:38:38.880 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read a new short story, 00:38:38.880 --> 00:38:48.255 align:middle line:84% and it's a three word title this time: Irony, Irony, Irony. 00:38:48.255 --> 00:38:51.480 align:middle line:84% Lionel took off Elaine's underwear in the yard. 00:38:51.480 --> 00:38:53.910 align:middle line:84% She'd spread a tatty blanket over the grass 00:38:53.910 --> 00:38:55.260 align:middle line:90% and fallen onto it. 00:38:55.260 --> 00:38:58.230 align:middle line:84% The summer sky above her was jam packed 00:38:58.230 --> 00:39:01.230 align:middle line:90% with unknown constellations. 00:39:01.230 --> 00:39:03.930 align:middle line:84% "If my parents open their curtains, they can see us," 00:39:03.930 --> 00:39:05.340 align:middle line:90% she whispered. 00:39:05.340 --> 00:39:08.010 align:middle line:84% Lionel hesitated in undressing her. 00:39:08.010 --> 00:39:10.680 align:middle line:84% It was freezing in the mountains, even in June, 00:39:10.680 --> 00:39:13.950 align:middle line:84% and goosebumps had risen on her stomach and chest. 00:39:13.950 --> 00:39:16.410 align:middle line:84% They'd been drinking rum and smoking marijuana. 00:39:16.410 --> 00:39:19.530 align:middle line:90% Sticky, sweet, like youth. 00:39:19.530 --> 00:39:22.440 align:middle line:84% They laughed about Elaine's parents, whose bedroom window 00:39:22.440 --> 00:39:24.720 align:middle line:90% went dark a few minutes later. 00:39:24.720 --> 00:39:27.030 align:middle line:84% Their sex was heedless and exciting 00:39:27.030 --> 00:39:29.460 align:middle line:90% as if between strangers. 00:39:29.460 --> 00:39:30.990 align:middle line:84% Afterwards, they ran to the house 00:39:30.990 --> 00:39:33.600 align:middle line:84% wearing various garments, wrapped clumsily 00:39:33.600 --> 00:39:37.530 align:middle line:84% in the damp leafy blanket, leaving Elaine's panties 00:39:37.530 --> 00:39:41.700 align:middle line:84% in the yard, where her father found them in the morning. 00:39:41.700 --> 00:39:43.380 align:middle line:90% They were a bright white. 00:39:43.380 --> 00:39:47.840 align:middle line:84% He thought he'd located one of his handkerchiefs. 00:39:47.840 --> 00:39:50.300 align:middle line:84% Besides handkerchiefs, Elaine's father 00:39:50.300 --> 00:39:53.780 align:middle line:84% carried other mementos of bygone times. 00:39:53.780 --> 00:39:58.130 align:middle line:84% A signature ring, a pocket watch, a money clip. 00:39:58.130 --> 00:40:01.070 align:middle line:84% He belonged to the generation on its way out. 00:40:01.070 --> 00:40:04.160 align:middle line:84% One unable to wholly recover from the Depression 00:40:04.160 --> 00:40:06.140 align:middle line:90% or the Second World War. 00:40:06.140 --> 00:40:09.650 align:middle line:84% One that understood itself lucky simply to survive. 00:40:09.650 --> 00:40:14.060 align:middle line:84% A generation baffled by the whining one that followed it. 00:40:14.060 --> 00:40:17.180 align:middle line:84% Some of his habits, which came with the territory, 00:40:17.180 --> 00:40:19.100 align:middle line:90% annoyed his offspring. 00:40:19.100 --> 00:40:22.790 align:middle line:84% He was cautious with money and took finances unnecessarily 00:40:22.790 --> 00:40:24.020 align:middle line:90% seriously. 00:40:24.020 --> 00:40:26.840 align:middle line:84% He did not believe gender irrelevant. 00:40:26.840 --> 00:40:28.910 align:middle line:90% Feminists made him defensive. 00:40:28.910 --> 00:40:31.130 align:middle line:90% Homosexuals made him queasy. 00:40:31.130 --> 00:40:34.550 align:middle line:90% The Japanese made him nervous. 00:40:34.550 --> 00:40:36.170 align:middle line:90% Addicts made him impatient. 00:40:36.170 --> 00:40:39.380 align:middle line:84% Although Blacks as a rule he felt an obligation to pity, 00:40:39.380 --> 00:40:43.100 align:middle line:84% still influenced as he was by the stretch of the 1960s 00:40:43.100 --> 00:40:44.870 align:middle line:90% and civil rights. 00:40:44.870 --> 00:40:48.080 align:middle line:84% Explosive displays within and without the family 00:40:48.080 --> 00:40:49.460 align:middle line:90% embarrassed him. 00:40:49.460 --> 00:40:55.760 align:middle line:84% He thought children should be seen rather than heard. 00:40:55.760 --> 00:40:59.310 align:middle line:84% Other traits of his pleased Elaine and her siblings. 00:40:59.310 --> 00:41:02.120 align:middle line:84% For example, he had a gentleman's chivalry 00:41:02.120 --> 00:41:05.210 align:middle line:84% and would not tolerate rudeness toward Elaine's mother, 00:41:05.210 --> 00:41:09.140 align:middle line:84% to whom he'd been steadily married for 43 years. 00:41:09.140 --> 00:41:11.960 align:middle line:84% He wished to protect his daughters. 00:41:11.960 --> 00:41:14.600 align:middle line:84% He did not want to know the inner workings of their lives, 00:41:14.600 --> 00:41:17.900 align:middle line:84% but he could not rest without assuming the general outer shape 00:41:17.900 --> 00:41:20.150 align:middle line:90% of them safe and intact. 00:41:20.150 --> 00:41:22.320 align:middle line:90% He honored the cocktail hour. 00:41:22.320 --> 00:41:24.140 align:middle line:84% And when they arrived at his house, 00:41:24.140 --> 00:41:27.920 align:middle line:84% he had waiting their favorite drinks: a margarita for Mary, 00:41:27.920 --> 00:41:32.540 align:middle line:84% dry red wine for Elaine, pink champagne for Deanie. 00:41:32.540 --> 00:41:34.920 align:middle line:84% His son, with whom he had troubles, 00:41:34.920 --> 00:41:37.910 align:middle line:84% would drink whatever there was the most of. 00:41:37.910 --> 00:41:41.270 align:middle line:84% This was the summer home: the frame house in the Rockies. 00:41:41.270 --> 00:41:44.840 align:middle line:84% The place where Elaine's family collected to remind themselves 00:41:44.840 --> 00:41:47.210 align:middle line:90% how badly they got along. 00:41:47.210 --> 00:41:50.210 align:middle line:84% Because the house stood empty for nine months of the year, 00:41:50.210 --> 00:41:53.330 align:middle line:84% the activity of the summer was mending its damage. 00:41:53.330 --> 00:41:56.960 align:middle line:90% Screens, plumbing, painting. 00:41:56.960 --> 00:41:59.060 align:middle line:84% The side yard had seen the weddings of three 00:41:59.060 --> 00:42:00.470 align:middle line:90% of the four siblings. 00:42:00.470 --> 00:42:04.310 align:middle line:84% The fourth, Jonathan, seemed to be homosexual. 00:42:04.310 --> 00:42:06.128 align:middle line:90% The sisters were still debating. 00:42:06.128 --> 00:42:07.670 align:middle line:84% Their father would have been appalled 00:42:07.670 --> 00:42:09.860 align:middle line:90% to learn what they thought. 00:42:09.860 --> 00:42:12.320 align:middle line:84% The original family had fit easily in the house. 00:42:12.320 --> 00:42:14.780 align:middle line:84% Plenty of bedrooms, adequate bath. 00:42:14.780 --> 00:42:16.730 align:middle line:90% But now it'd grown too large. 00:42:16.730 --> 00:42:18.980 align:middle line:84% Three husbands, six grandchildren, 00:42:18.980 --> 00:42:20.960 align:middle line:90% a new baby on the way. 00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:24.350 align:middle line:84% The small children slept like dogs, on the couch, 00:42:24.350 --> 00:42:27.020 align:middle line:90% on the porch, on the floor. 00:42:27.020 --> 00:42:29.540 align:middle line:84% Elaine's youngest sister, Deanie, 00:42:29.540 --> 00:42:31.880 align:middle line:84% had appeared on the 4th of July with her husband, 00:42:31.880 --> 00:42:34.550 align:middle line:84% the misanthrope, and her large belly. 00:42:34.550 --> 00:42:36.500 align:middle line:90% Morosely pregnant. 00:42:36.500 --> 00:42:38.840 align:middle line:90% No one thought her ready for it. 00:42:38.840 --> 00:42:43.190 align:middle line:84% And Elaine, fearing her own unwanted, indiscreet pregnancy, 00:42:43.190 --> 00:42:45.050 align:middle line:90% sighed heavily. 00:42:45.050 --> 00:42:46.640 align:middle line:84% Had she consulted her mother, she 00:42:46.640 --> 00:42:49.280 align:middle line:84% would have been told, not for the first time, 00:42:49.280 --> 00:42:51.920 align:middle line:84% that her two sisters had been accidents. 00:42:51.920 --> 00:42:55.520 align:middle line:84% "Accidents," her mother would say, "but not mistakes. " 00:42:55.520 --> 00:42:58.085 align:middle line:84% The oldest and the youngest, the first and the last, 00:42:58.085 --> 00:43:01.760 align:middle line:84% the unintended parentheses around Elaine and Jonathan. 00:43:01.760 --> 00:43:04.190 align:middle line:84% Her mother would have advised having the baby. 00:43:04.190 --> 00:43:07.910 align:middle line:84% She would have extolled, over-extolled, the virtues 00:43:07.910 --> 00:43:10.310 align:middle line:90% of unplanned children. 00:43:10.310 --> 00:43:13.370 align:middle line:84% Elaine, who already now had a boy and girl of her own, 00:43:13.370 --> 00:43:15.680 align:middle line:84% both planned, indulged the fantasy 00:43:15.680 --> 00:43:17.990 align:middle line:84% of another baby, another pregnancy, 00:43:17.990 --> 00:43:20.270 align:middle line:84% knowing she would not follow through. 00:43:20.270 --> 00:43:23.090 align:middle line:84% She and her husband, Lionel, didn't have the requisite vigor 00:43:23.090 --> 00:43:24.500 align:middle line:90% for another child. 00:43:24.500 --> 00:43:27.980 align:middle line:84% It would exhaust them the way her mother's last child, baby 00:43:27.980 --> 00:43:32.390 align:middle line:84% Deanie, had exhausted her, leaving her dazed and depleted, 00:43:32.390 --> 00:43:34.760 align:middle line:90% emotionally anemic. 00:43:34.760 --> 00:43:37.520 align:middle line:84% Perhaps Elaine's mother had realized earlier, 00:43:37.520 --> 00:43:40.970 align:middle line:84% after Jonathan came along, that the household teams were 00:43:40.970 --> 00:43:42.980 align:middle line:90% no longer evenly matched. 00:43:42.980 --> 00:43:47.870 align:middle line:84% That the parents, outnumbered, would surely lose. 00:43:47.870 --> 00:43:49.880 align:middle line:84% Elaine's younger siblings were the closest 00:43:49.880 --> 00:43:52.880 align:middle line:84% of the grown children, separated from Elaine and her big sister, 00:43:52.880 --> 00:43:55.910 align:middle line:84% Mary, by their dependence on their parents whom they 00:43:55.910 --> 00:43:59.420 align:middle line:84% [AUDIO OUT] because they were still financially beholden. 00:43:59.420 --> 00:44:02.390 align:middle line:84% This despite Jonathan's being 30 years old and owner 00:44:02.390 --> 00:44:03.770 align:middle line:90% of his own business. 00:44:03.770 --> 00:44:06.200 align:middle line:90% This despite Deanie's marriage. 00:44:06.200 --> 00:44:08.750 align:middle line:84% It did not appear that her parents lorded the situation 00:44:08.750 --> 00:44:12.020 align:middle line:84% over Deanie and Jonathan, though Elaine suppose they must, 00:44:12.020 --> 00:44:13.778 align:middle line:90% unwittingly. 00:44:13.778 --> 00:44:16.070 align:middle line:84% Jonathan and Deanie like to complain about their mother 00:44:16.070 --> 00:44:17.612 align:middle line:84% and father, and Elaine and Mary would 00:44:17.612 --> 00:44:19.520 align:middle line:84% feel obliged to act as ambassadors 00:44:19.520 --> 00:44:22.460 align:middle line:84% for parenthood, their mission to explain 00:44:22.460 --> 00:44:25.040 align:middle line:90% why they did what they did. 00:44:25.040 --> 00:44:27.320 align:middle line:84% Without Jonathan, Deanie might surrender. 00:44:27.320 --> 00:44:30.200 align:middle line:84% But with Jonathan on her side, she would not relent. 00:44:30.200 --> 00:44:32.660 align:middle line:84% Her father and mother were monstrous, controlling, 00:44:32.660 --> 00:44:34.430 align:middle line:90% insufferable. 00:44:34.430 --> 00:44:37.340 align:middle line:84% Mary, the oldest and most sentimental, 00:44:37.340 --> 00:44:40.190 align:middle line:84% had the shiny gloss of tears in her eyes. 00:44:40.190 --> 00:44:44.870 align:middle line:84% She couldn't bear their rancor that broke her saintly heart. 00:44:44.870 --> 00:44:46.830 align:middle line:84% "Why do you keep coming back to see them?" 00:44:46.830 --> 00:44:49.740 align:middle line:84% Elaine asks them, sincerely curious. 00:44:49.740 --> 00:44:51.900 align:middle line:84% Neither had an answer, although Elaine 00:44:51.900 --> 00:44:54.900 align:middle line:84% thought she understood their vain hope that someday 00:44:54.900 --> 00:44:58.020 align:middle line:84% their parents would grasp who they truly were, and love them 00:44:58.020 --> 00:44:59.910 align:middle line:90% anyway. 00:44:59.910 --> 00:45:02.670 align:middle line:84% When he wasn't egging on Deanie in her tirades, 00:45:02.670 --> 00:45:04.830 align:middle line:84% Jonathan spent most of the reunion week 00:45:04.830 --> 00:45:08.220 align:middle line:84% underneath his motorcycle, either genuinely repairing it 00:45:08.220 --> 00:45:12.510 align:middle line:84% or pretending to, appearing for meals with oil on his clothing, 00:45:12.510 --> 00:45:15.660 align:middle line:84% black beneath his fingernails, and odor of machinery 00:45:15.660 --> 00:45:17.130 align:middle line:90% in his hair. 00:45:17.130 --> 00:45:19.860 align:middle line:84% Every morning, his shower lasted until the hot water 00:45:19.860 --> 00:45:21.390 align:middle line:90% turned tepid. 00:45:21.390 --> 00:45:23.380 align:middle line:84% Wearing only a towel around his waist, 00:45:23.380 --> 00:45:24.840 align:middle line:84% he stood on the sunny front porch 00:45:24.840 --> 00:45:27.420 align:middle line:84% and blew his nose over the railing. 00:45:27.420 --> 00:45:30.690 align:middle line:84% Elaine's five-year-old son was taking lessons, 00:45:30.690 --> 00:45:34.230 align:middle line:84% using his fingers to close one nostril leaning over 00:45:34.230 --> 00:45:37.350 align:middle line:90% and honking into the grass. 00:45:37.350 --> 00:45:39.390 align:middle line:84% "Doesn't that destroy brain cells?" 00:45:39.390 --> 00:45:42.540 align:middle line:84% Deanie asked, watching from the kitchen. 00:45:42.540 --> 00:45:45.990 align:middle line:84% Her clothes, because she refused to wear maternity outfits, 00:45:45.990 --> 00:45:49.410 align:middle line:84% strained against her body, leaving gaps, revealing 00:45:49.410 --> 00:45:52.110 align:middle line:90% her popped navel like a button. 00:45:52.110 --> 00:45:55.290 align:middle line:84% Elaine said, "Women never do things like that, 00:45:55.290 --> 00:45:57.060 align:middle line:90% have you noticed?" 00:45:57.060 --> 00:45:58.980 align:middle line:84% He was good with children, but Jonathan 00:45:58.980 --> 00:46:00.990 align:middle line:90% said he didn't want his own. 00:46:00.990 --> 00:46:02.940 align:middle line:84% Their father [AUDIO OUT] declaring 00:46:02.940 --> 00:46:04.980 align:middle line:84% in the same peremptory tone he'd once 00:46:04.980 --> 00:46:08.610 align:middle line:84% use to advise a military stint, that of course, Jonathan 00:46:08.610 --> 00:46:11.490 align:middle line:84% would change his mind when the right woman came along. 00:46:11.490 --> 00:46:15.450 align:middle line:84% The sisters exchanged glances while Jonathan turned red. 00:46:15.450 --> 00:47:02.280 align:middle line:90% 00:47:02.280 --> 00:47:03.990 align:middle line:90% He'd been the popular one. 00:47:03.990 --> 00:47:07.020 align:middle line:84% Photograph of them had hung above the refrigerator forever. 00:47:07.020 --> 00:47:09.330 align:middle line:90% Dimming, accumulating dust. 00:47:09.330 --> 00:47:12.780 align:middle line:84% The five boys are perched shirtless in their jeans, 00:47:12.780 --> 00:47:15.090 align:middle line:84% smoking their cigarettes, languishing 00:47:15.090 --> 00:47:17.730 align:middle line:84% on the hood of a sky blue Mustang 00:47:17.730 --> 00:47:22.260 align:middle line:84% that it had, over time, faded a radiant white. 00:47:22.260 --> 00:47:26.280 align:middle line:84% This summer, Jonathan took down the photo and blew it off, 00:47:26.280 --> 00:47:28.470 align:middle line:84% then left it lying on top of the refrigerator 00:47:28.470 --> 00:47:31.440 align:middle line:84% instead of hanging on its proper nail. 00:47:31.440 --> 00:47:34.980 align:middle line:84% "They are all dead but me," he told Deanie. 00:47:34.980 --> 00:47:35.970 align:middle line:90% "How can that be?" 00:47:35.970 --> 00:47:39.060 align:middle line:84% Elaine asked later, bewildered by the news, 00:47:39.060 --> 00:47:41.910 align:middle line:84% staring at the same photo while Deanie angrily 00:47:41.910 --> 00:47:43.290 align:middle line:90% threw together dinner. 00:47:43.290 --> 00:47:45.210 align:middle line:90% It was her turn. 00:47:45.210 --> 00:47:47.370 align:middle line:84% "They were dumb fucks," Deanie told her. 00:47:47.370 --> 00:47:49.590 align:middle line:84% "I slept with three of them," she added. 00:47:49.590 --> 00:47:51.510 align:middle line:84% And Elaine wouldn't give her the satisfaction 00:47:51.510 --> 00:47:53.640 align:middle line:90% of asking which three. 00:47:53.640 --> 00:47:55.260 align:middle line:84% Though she was only 24 years old, 00:47:55.260 --> 00:47:58.560 align:middle line:84% Deanie had managed a lot of sleeping around. 00:47:58.560 --> 00:48:01.680 align:middle line:84% There were Carl and Dward and Lenny and Dave, 00:48:01.680 --> 00:48:03.660 align:middle line:90% her brother's hoodlum friends. 00:48:03.660 --> 00:48:07.020 align:middle line:90% The small town sons, lecherous. 00:48:07.020 --> 00:48:12.690 align:middle line:84% Their boyish grins shining up at Elaine from overexposed 1979. 00:48:12.690 --> 00:48:14.700 align:middle line:84% On nights when she couldn't find her own fun, 00:48:14.700 --> 00:48:17.580 align:middle line:84% she'd used to condescend to ride around with them. 00:48:17.580 --> 00:48:19.590 align:middle line:84% Listen to their eight track tapes. 00:48:19.590 --> 00:48:21.630 align:middle line:90% Drink their Coors. 00:48:21.630 --> 00:48:24.600 align:middle line:84% The catalog of their deaths could not surprise. 00:48:24.600 --> 00:48:29.040 align:middle line:84% Drunken drowning, high speed car crash, overdose, 00:48:29.040 --> 00:48:31.680 align:middle line:90% elk hunting fiasco. 00:48:31.680 --> 00:48:35.670 align:middle line:84% But the fatal freakish statistic of Jonathan's survival 00:48:35.670 --> 00:48:38.280 align:middle line:84% made Elaine feel swung into another era, 00:48:38.280 --> 00:48:42.200 align:middle line:90% like his mother, his protector. 00:48:42.200 --> 00:48:45.170 align:middle line:84% "Tough shit if people don't like mushrooms," Deanie declared, 00:48:45.170 --> 00:48:48.740 align:middle line:84% dropping in handfuls of the spongy fungus. 00:48:48.740 --> 00:48:52.370 align:middle line:84% "I hate mushrooms," Elaine's son said later at dinner. 00:48:52.370 --> 00:48:54.770 align:middle line:90% "So do I," said Elaine's father. 00:48:54.770 --> 00:48:58.760 align:middle line:84% "Me too," admitted Mary, and all four of her children. 00:48:58.760 --> 00:49:01.910 align:middle line:84% Deanie grinned, eating her own mushrooms as well 00:49:01.910 --> 00:49:05.270 align:middle line:84% as her nephew's and father's, watching the pushed aside 00:49:05.270 --> 00:49:08.262 align:middle line:90% piles grow on the other plates. 00:49:08.262 --> 00:49:10.220 align:middle line:84% "Maybe you'll give birth to [AUDIO OUT] stool," 00:49:10.220 --> 00:49:11.930 align:middle line:90% Elaine said to her. 00:49:11.930 --> 00:49:13.565 align:middle line:84% "Or maybe a toad," said Jonathan. 00:49:13.565 --> 00:49:16.740 align:middle line:90% 00:49:16.740 --> 00:49:20.280 align:middle line:84% At night they walked around town, a family parade. 00:49:20.280 --> 00:49:22.170 align:middle line:84% The children in front, the grandparents 00:49:22.170 --> 00:49:23.850 align:middle line:90% bringing up the rear. 00:49:23.850 --> 00:49:26.490 align:middle line:84% They made the same comments they made every summer. 00:49:26.490 --> 00:49:28.410 align:middle line:90% Pointed out the same landmarks. 00:49:28.410 --> 00:49:30.870 align:middle line:84% Disparaged the same developments. 00:49:30.870 --> 00:49:32.970 align:middle line:90% Disputed the same history. 00:49:32.970 --> 00:49:35.430 align:middle line:90% Misremembered the same memory. 00:49:35.430 --> 00:49:37.110 align:middle line:84% They ambled through the art galleries 00:49:37.110 --> 00:49:41.490 align:middle line:84% and they bypassed the seductive beery entryways of bars. 00:49:41.490 --> 00:49:43.770 align:middle line:84% Inside the picture window of the Silverjack 00:49:43.770 --> 00:49:48.120 align:middle line:84% sat a placid mountain lion wearing a collar and leash. 00:49:48.120 --> 00:49:50.910 align:middle line:84% "That's different," said Elaine's mother. 00:49:50.910 --> 00:49:53.640 align:middle line:84% "I want a lion," children whined, 00:49:53.640 --> 00:49:56.070 align:middle line:90% hands pressed to the glass. 00:49:56.070 --> 00:49:58.470 align:middle line:84% "I want to drink," whined Deanie, 00:49:58.470 --> 00:50:01.080 align:middle line:90% her hand pressed to her tummy. 00:50:01.080 --> 00:50:03.300 align:middle line:84% The mountain lion blinked lazily, 00:50:03.300 --> 00:50:05.940 align:middle line:84% its tongue curling out of its mouth for an instant, 00:50:05.940 --> 00:50:08.670 align:middle line:90% making the children jump back. 00:50:08.670 --> 00:50:11.310 align:middle line:90% Long time locals called hello. 00:50:11.310 --> 00:50:15.390 align:middle line:84% The 8 o'clock siren wailed, the air went suddenly cold, 00:50:15.390 --> 00:50:17.850 align:middle line:90% and the stars popped on. 00:50:17.850 --> 00:50:21.450 align:middle line:84% At home, there was the bustle of baths and toothbrushing, 00:50:21.450 --> 00:50:24.210 align:middle line:84% evening wheedling and tears, and the shush 00:50:24.210 --> 00:50:26.850 align:middle line:90% of pajama feet on linoleum. 00:50:26.850 --> 00:50:29.280 align:middle line:84% The dining table became the bridge table, 00:50:29.280 --> 00:50:33.060 align:middle line:84% lighted like a campfire in the center of the settling, 00:50:33.060 --> 00:50:35.190 align:middle line:90% whispering dark. 00:50:35.190 --> 00:50:36.480 align:middle line:90% "When are you leaving?" 00:50:36.480 --> 00:50:38.910 align:middle line:90% asked Mary as she dealt cards. 00:50:38.910 --> 00:50:41.580 align:middle line:84% She had few talents beside caretaking. 00:50:41.580 --> 00:50:43.830 align:middle line:84% She liked to know itineraries and plans. 00:50:43.830 --> 00:50:47.430 align:middle line:84% She had a flair for cooking huge quantities of bland food, 00:50:47.430 --> 00:50:50.160 align:middle line:84% and keeping her patience long past the point when 00:50:50.160 --> 00:50:51.840 align:middle line:90% others lost theirs. 00:50:51.840 --> 00:50:54.720 align:middle line:84% They called her Sister Mary because she was too angelic 00:50:54.720 --> 00:50:57.300 align:middle line:90% for her own good. 00:50:57.300 --> 00:51:00.060 align:middle line:84% "Miss Manners advises the following phrasing," 00:51:00.060 --> 00:51:01.900 align:middle line:90% Jonathan corrected his sister. 00:51:01.900 --> 00:51:04.530 align:middle line:84% "How long will you be able to stay?" 00:51:04.530 --> 00:51:07.740 align:middle line:84% He was methodically scooping up bites of cold cereal 00:51:07.740 --> 00:51:10.140 align:middle line:84% using a soup spoon in a mixing bowl instead 00:51:10.140 --> 00:51:12.360 align:middle line:90% of their ordinary counterparts. 00:51:12.360 --> 00:51:15.210 align:middle line:84% Elaine, who'd purchased the last batch of groceries, 00:51:15.210 --> 00:51:18.000 align:middle line:84% resented her brother's voracious appetite. 00:51:18.000 --> 00:51:20.280 align:middle line:84% He seemed to be loading up at her expense, 00:51:20.280 --> 00:51:23.730 align:middle line:84% storing away fuel for the long winter. 00:51:23.730 --> 00:51:26.040 align:middle line:84% "I'm out of here day after tomorrow," he continued. 00:51:26.040 --> 00:51:29.100 align:middle line:84% "Head over to Tahoe, check out the clubs." 00:51:29.100 --> 00:51:31.547 align:middle line:84% "We're not leaving until school starts," Elaine said. 00:51:31.547 --> 00:51:33.630 align:middle line:84% She and her sister Deanie were the only ones still 00:51:33.630 --> 00:51:35.190 align:middle line:90% on academic schedules. 00:51:35.190 --> 00:51:39.000 align:middle line:84% The only ones to have the whole summer free for Ouray. 00:51:39.000 --> 00:51:41.310 align:middle line:90% Ooh-ray, the tourists called it. 00:51:41.310 --> 00:51:44.310 align:middle line:84% But if you knew what you were talking about you said you-ray. 00:51:44.310 --> 00:51:47.640 align:middle line:84% Elaine's three-year-old daughter named it my-ray. 00:51:47.640 --> 00:51:49.740 align:middle line:84% Elaine's parents had retired from teaching 00:51:49.740 --> 00:51:52.530 align:middle line:84% and now liked to travel around during the summers. 00:51:52.530 --> 00:51:55.050 align:middle line:84% Grown accustomed to hotels, the shabby house 00:51:55.050 --> 00:51:56.850 align:middle line:84% was no longer comfortable to them 00:51:56.850 --> 00:52:00.060 align:middle line:84% and they only used it as a base for their other travels. 00:52:00.060 --> 00:52:02.250 align:middle line:84% Opening it in June for a week or two, 00:52:02.250 --> 00:52:05.790 align:middle line:84% then off to Yellowstone, now back for the annual reunion, 00:52:05.790 --> 00:52:07.425 align:middle line:90% due to leave soon for San Diego. 00:52:07.425 --> 00:52:08.430 align:middle line:90% 00:52:08.430 --> 00:52:10.650 align:middle line:84% Sister Mary was a dietician in Dallas 00:52:10.650 --> 00:52:14.010 align:middle line:84% and took her annual vacation to come oversee her family. 00:52:14.010 --> 00:52:16.080 align:middle line:84% Jonathan owned a bar in New Orleans 00:52:16.080 --> 00:52:19.350 align:middle line:84% and came and went as he pleased on his dangerous Harley. 00:52:19.350 --> 00:52:21.960 align:middle line:84% And Deanie, simply broke, looking 00:52:21.960 --> 00:52:24.150 align:middle line:84% for the cheapest place on the planet she 00:52:24.150 --> 00:52:26.670 align:middle line:90% and her husband could crash. 00:52:26.670 --> 00:52:28.380 align:middle line:84% Mary's husband and Deanie's husband 00:52:28.380 --> 00:52:30.510 align:middle line:90% had the same first name, Bill. 00:52:30.510 --> 00:52:33.300 align:middle line:84% Which Jonathan found endlessly amusing as the two men 00:52:33.300 --> 00:52:35.370 align:middle line:84% couldn't have been more different. 00:52:35.370 --> 00:52:37.590 align:middle line:84% Mary's Bill delivered mail and had a knack 00:52:37.590 --> 00:52:39.990 align:middle line:90% for narrating the obvious. 00:52:39.990 --> 00:52:43.560 align:middle line:84% "Well, here we are eating," he would cheerfully note. 00:52:43.560 --> 00:52:47.520 align:middle line:84% Or "Guess I'll get myself a Kleenex now." 00:52:47.520 --> 00:52:50.010 align:middle line:84% Deanie's Bill never said anything. 00:52:50.010 --> 00:52:52.170 align:middle line:84% He hung around in the attic bedroom with his shirt 00:52:52.170 --> 00:52:55.440 align:middle line:84% off listening to headphones and reading library books. 00:52:55.440 --> 00:52:56.310 align:middle line:90% 30 years old. 00:52:56.310 --> 00:52:58.020 align:middle line:84% He was a perennial graduate student. 00:52:58.020 --> 00:53:01.140 align:middle line:84% Holder of three master's degrees, history, philosophy, 00:53:01.140 --> 00:53:04.140 align:middle line:84% English literature, and no career. 00:53:04.140 --> 00:53:07.650 align:middle line:84% Elaine suppose that in a clan of teachers, her parents, herself, 00:53:07.650 --> 00:53:09.810 align:middle line:84% her husband, someone like Deanie's Bill 00:53:09.810 --> 00:53:12.720 align:middle line:84% had every right to expect tolerance, even encouragement, 00:53:12.720 --> 00:53:15.510 align:middle line:84% but nobody had much patience for him. 00:53:15.510 --> 00:53:18.570 align:middle line:84% All three sons-in-laws, even Lionel, 00:53:18.570 --> 00:53:21.900 align:middle line:84% passed into eclipse in the presence of the [AUDIO OUT] 00:53:21.900 --> 00:53:25.260 align:middle line:84% Elaine could hardly recall her husband's full personality. 00:53:25.260 --> 00:53:28.650 align:middle line:84% He seemed lusterless and incomplete. 00:53:28.650 --> 00:53:30.660 align:middle line:84% "We'll leave with mom and dad on the 13th," 00:53:30.660 --> 00:53:33.780 align:middle line:84% Mary let them know for the third or fourth time. 00:53:33.780 --> 00:53:36.510 align:middle line:84% All week long, the family recited the same lines 00:53:36.510 --> 00:53:39.300 align:middle line:84% as if in rehearsal for the real performance. 00:53:39.300 --> 00:53:42.660 align:middle line:84% The 13th was the same day that Elaine and Lionel had set aside 00:53:42.660 --> 00:53:46.620 align:middle line:84% for a trip to Montrose, the nearest city with a clinic. 00:53:46.620 --> 00:53:49.080 align:middle line:84% They'd ask Deanie to watch their children. 00:53:49.080 --> 00:53:50.850 align:middle line:84% They would wait until everyone was gone, 00:53:50.850 --> 00:53:53.700 align:middle line:84% so they wouldn't have to explain their excursion. 00:53:53.700 --> 00:53:55.770 align:middle line:84% Elaine had scheduled an abortion. 00:53:55.770 --> 00:53:58.020 align:middle line:90% Lionel a vasectomy. 00:53:58.020 --> 00:54:00.870 align:middle line:84% It seemed wise to have both procedures done concurrently, 00:54:00.870 --> 00:54:02.940 align:middle line:90% a separate but equal ritual. 00:54:02.940 --> 00:54:05.760 align:middle line:90% A solemn ceremony of finality. 00:54:05.760 --> 00:54:08.760 align:middle line:84% And they wanted to do it before their wedding anniversary, which 00:54:08.760 --> 00:54:10.810 align:middle line:90% was a few days later. 00:54:10.810 --> 00:54:13.890 align:middle line:84% They'd been careless on the lawn seven weeks ago in June, 00:54:13.890 --> 00:54:17.080 align:middle line:84% but they approached the problem reasonably, maturely. 00:54:17.080 --> 00:54:19.390 align:middle line:84% Lionel finally submitting to a vasectomy 00:54:19.390 --> 00:54:23.125 align:middle line:84% after his squeamish objections of the last few years. 00:54:23.125 --> 00:54:25.750 align:middle line:84% Elaine had [AUDIO OUT] finished her fertile life without having 00:54:25.750 --> 00:54:28.810 align:middle line:84% to have an abortion, a luxury almost none of her friends 00:54:28.810 --> 00:54:29.680 align:middle line:90% had enjoyed. 00:54:29.680 --> 00:54:31.990 align:middle line:84% But if she had to get one, she supposed 00:54:31.990 --> 00:54:34.930 align:middle line:84% now is better than other times in her past. 00:54:34.930 --> 00:54:37.570 align:middle line:84% "We have our children," Lionel had reminded her, 00:54:37.570 --> 00:54:39.400 align:middle line:90% patting her on the back. 00:54:39.400 --> 00:54:40.900 align:middle line:90% "We're financially solvent. 00:54:40.900 --> 00:54:42.790 align:middle line:90% Our marriage is good." 00:54:42.790 --> 00:54:45.340 align:middle line:84% But Elaine resented that paternal pat. 00:54:45.340 --> 00:54:47.800 align:middle line:84% She hadn't even wanted to purchase an early pregnancy 00:54:47.800 --> 00:54:50.270 align:middle line:84% kit since the only other time she bought them 00:54:50.270 --> 00:54:54.460 align:middle line:84% when her children had been conceived, intentionally. 00:54:54.460 --> 00:54:57.130 align:middle line:84% She'd only had good associations with the process. 00:54:57.130 --> 00:55:01.600 align:middle line:84% The urinating in the little cup, the wait for a pink dipstick. 00:55:01.600 --> 00:55:04.240 align:middle line:84% Instead, she's insisted on going to the Ouray 00:55:04.240 --> 00:55:07.810 align:middle line:84% ob-gyn, who only came around every Thursday, 00:55:07.810 --> 00:55:09.220 align:middle line:90% like the bookmobile. 00:55:09.220 --> 00:55:13.840 align:middle line:84% And he told her congratulations, she was expecting. 00:55:13.840 --> 00:55:16.780 align:middle line:84% "Jonathan," the children called now from their dark, 00:55:16.780 --> 00:55:18.400 align:middle line:90% makeshift beds. 00:55:18.400 --> 00:55:20.320 align:middle line:90% They preferred him. 00:55:20.320 --> 00:55:22.810 align:middle line:90% His tastes resembled their own. 00:55:22.810 --> 00:55:28.420 align:middle line:84% "Jonathan, tell us about Tommy Torso. " Elaine, who was dummy, 00:55:28.420 --> 00:55:31.780 align:middle line:84% leaned away from the bridge table to listen. 00:55:31.780 --> 00:55:33.880 align:middle line:84% Outside the earshot of the other adults, 00:55:33.880 --> 00:55:36.730 align:middle line:84% Jonathan conjured up Tommy Torso. 00:55:36.730 --> 00:55:39.610 align:middle line:84% The loathsome boy with no arms or legs, 00:55:39.610 --> 00:55:44.080 align:middle line:84% who propelled his skateboard with his big, calloused nose. 00:55:44.080 --> 00:55:47.320 align:middle line:84% A boy so gloriously ugly and unkind, 00:55:47.320 --> 00:55:49.990 align:middle line:84% even his own mother didn't love him. 00:55:49.990 --> 00:55:52.570 align:middle line:84% "We love him," the children swore. 00:55:52.570 --> 00:55:54.130 align:middle line:90% "We love Tommy Torso." 00:55:54.130 --> 00:55:58.290 align:middle line:90% 00:55:58.290 --> 00:55:59.850 align:middle line:90% "Who will drive home?" 00:55:59.850 --> 00:56:02.640 align:middle line:84% Lionel asked on the evening of the 12th. 00:56:02.640 --> 00:56:05.310 align:middle line:84% They were whispering in bed after many games of cribbage 00:56:05.310 --> 00:56:07.110 align:middle line:90% and bridge and charades. 00:56:07.110 --> 00:56:10.300 align:middle line:84% The children had stayed up late, popcorn had been popped, 00:56:10.300 --> 00:56:11.850 align:middle line:90% toddies poured. 00:56:11.850 --> 00:56:14.280 align:middle line:84% Old record albums resurrected and played 00:56:14.280 --> 00:56:15.630 align:middle line:90% on the ancient player. 00:56:15.630 --> 00:56:19.920 align:middle line:84% Sam Hinton, Buffy Sainte-Marie, Glenn Miller. 00:56:19.920 --> 00:56:25.560 align:middle line:84% "Afterwards, neither of us will be able to drive," Lionel said. 00:56:25.560 --> 00:56:28.440 align:middle line:84% They began laughing, covering their faces with pillows 00:56:28.440 --> 00:56:29.700 align:middle line:90% so that others wouldn't hear. 00:56:29.700 --> 00:56:31.830 align:middle line:90% It was hopelessly hysterical. 00:56:31.830 --> 00:56:34.020 align:middle line:84% Elaine had drunk more toddies than anyone else 00:56:34.020 --> 00:56:35.550 align:middle line:90% just to keep her mood up. 00:56:35.550 --> 00:56:37.650 align:middle line:84% She didn't want to think about tomorrow. 00:56:37.650 --> 00:56:42.570 align:middle line:84% She didn't want to feel the way she felt. Wrong, as usual. 00:56:42.570 --> 00:56:45.630 align:middle line:84% "Deanie will have to come with us," Lionel said. 00:56:45.630 --> 00:56:46.723 align:middle line:90% "With the children? 00:56:46.723 --> 00:56:49.140 align:middle line:84% There won't be anyone here to watch the children of Deanie 00:56:49.140 --> 00:56:50.340 align:middle line:90% drives." 00:56:50.340 --> 00:56:51.930 align:middle line:90% "Except Bill." 00:56:51.930 --> 00:56:53.760 align:middle line:90% "Right, Bill." 00:56:53.760 --> 00:56:56.910 align:middle line:84% They laughed more until Elaine threatened to hyperventilate, 00:56:56.910 --> 00:56:58.380 align:middle line:90% burst into tears. 00:56:58.380 --> 00:57:01.020 align:middle line:84% Her emotional state was an explosive cocktail 00:57:01.020 --> 00:57:02.460 align:middle line:90% churning inside. 00:57:02.460 --> 00:57:06.510 align:middle line:90% Hormones, guilt, liquor, fear. 00:57:06.510 --> 00:57:10.800 align:middle line:84% "Bill can drive and Deanie could stay here," Lionel suggested. 00:57:10.800 --> 00:57:12.330 align:middle line:90% "I don't want Bill to drive. 00:57:12.330 --> 00:57:16.440 align:middle line:84% I think Bill is philosophically opposed to the automobile." 00:57:16.440 --> 00:57:18.690 align:middle line:84% Elaine noticed that she was having difficulty with 00:57:18.690 --> 00:57:21.540 align:middle line:84% philosophically so she repeated it, "Philosophically, 00:57:21.540 --> 00:57:24.810 align:middle line:84% philosophically," until she didn't stumble. 00:57:24.810 --> 00:57:26.820 align:middle line:84% "We'll have to all go together," Lionel said, 00:57:26.820 --> 00:57:29.130 align:middle line:84% pulling her close and folding her in. 00:57:29.130 --> 00:57:31.170 align:middle line:90% Damping down her restlessness. 00:57:31.170 --> 00:57:33.960 align:middle line:90% "An outing." 00:57:33.960 --> 00:57:36.030 align:middle line:84% In the morning, Elaine had a terrible headache 00:57:36.030 --> 00:57:37.840 align:middle line:84% even though she hadn't mixed alcohols, 00:57:37.840 --> 00:57:41.220 align:middle line:84% but stayed within a single family, the Scotch one, the way 00:57:41.220 --> 00:57:43.920 align:middle line:84% she'd heard to do to avoid a hangover. 00:57:43.920 --> 00:57:45.840 align:middle line:90% She felt betrayed. 00:57:45.840 --> 00:57:49.410 align:middle line:84% Downstairs, her mother was busy making beds, delegating duties 00:57:49.410 --> 00:57:51.690 align:middle line:84% to the grandchildren, opening cupboards 00:57:51.690 --> 00:57:53.610 align:middle line:90% and directing what went where. 00:57:53.610 --> 00:57:55.710 align:middle line:84% Occasionally calling for one of her daughters 00:57:55.710 --> 00:57:58.920 align:middle line:84% to stir the oatmeal or check on the biscuits. 00:57:58.920 --> 00:58:01.620 align:middle line:84% This was the traditional farewell breakfast. 00:58:01.620 --> 00:58:04.620 align:middle line:90% Gluey and filling. 00:58:04.620 --> 00:58:06.390 align:middle line:84% "Do you know what Jonathan told me?" 00:58:06.390 --> 00:58:08.550 align:middle line:84% Elaine's mother said to her as they pulled plates 00:58:08.550 --> 00:58:12.210 align:middle line:84% from the cabinet, knives and spoons from the drawer. 00:58:12.210 --> 00:58:14.880 align:middle line:84% Elaine's head throbbed and her stomach roiled. 00:58:14.880 --> 00:58:17.190 align:middle line:90% Her eyes felt like rubber balls. 00:58:17.190 --> 00:58:19.800 align:middle line:90% "What did Jonathan tell you?" 00:58:19.800 --> 00:58:21.810 align:middle line:84% "He said he'd never have children because he 00:58:21.810 --> 00:58:24.270 align:middle line:84% couldn't understand what happened to them." 00:58:24.270 --> 00:58:27.900 align:middle line:84% Her mother held the napkins in her barely quaking hands. 00:58:27.900 --> 00:58:30.660 align:middle line:84% There was a time not so long ago when 00:58:30.660 --> 00:58:33.240 align:middle line:84% Elaine would have delighted in her mother's distress, would 00:58:33.240 --> 00:58:34.770 align:middle line:90% have felt victorious. 00:58:34.770 --> 00:58:36.930 align:middle line:90% "Do you want that, Elaine?" 00:58:36.930 --> 00:58:39.120 align:middle line:90% "No ma'am, I don't." 00:58:39.120 --> 00:58:41.130 align:middle line:90% Elaine understood it perfectly. 00:58:41.130 --> 00:58:43.620 align:middle line:84% She'd successfully squelched a similar feeling 00:58:43.620 --> 00:58:46.380 align:middle line:84% when she decided in favor of having her own children. 00:58:46.380 --> 00:58:48.330 align:middle line:90% "Don't think about it." 00:58:48.330 --> 00:58:49.770 align:middle line:90% "Well of course I will. 00:58:49.770 --> 00:58:52.830 align:middle line:84% He'd be such a good daddy, your brother." 00:58:52.830 --> 00:58:56.010 align:middle line:84% her mother stepped away from the real issues so dexterously, 00:58:56.010 --> 00:58:58.410 align:middle line:84% Elaine was tempted to tell her all the things 00:58:58.410 --> 00:59:01.260 align:middle line:90% her mother refused to know. 00:59:01.260 --> 00:59:03.480 align:middle line:84% "I always wanted a slightly different kind of mom," 00:59:03.480 --> 00:59:05.580 align:middle line:84% Deanie had told Elaine the day before. 00:59:05.580 --> 00:59:08.850 align:middle line:84% "I wanted the mom who let her kids smoke and curse in front 00:59:08.850 --> 00:59:10.350 align:middle line:90% of her." 00:59:10.350 --> 00:59:12.510 align:middle line:84% "I wanted the mom who liked to go shopping," 00:59:12.510 --> 00:59:14.220 align:middle line:90% sister Mary had confessed. 00:59:14.220 --> 00:59:18.870 align:middle line:84% "The one who sewed clothes and dressed her kids up like dolls." 00:59:18.870 --> 00:59:20.700 align:middle line:90% Elaine had hesitated. 00:59:20.700 --> 00:59:23.190 align:middle line:84% Her sisters each wanted the kind of mother they themselves 00:59:23.190 --> 00:59:24.930 align:middle line:90% were or would be. 00:59:24.930 --> 00:59:27.960 align:middle line:84% What sort of mother was she, Elaine wondered. 00:59:27.960 --> 00:59:29.370 align:middle line:84% But the truth was that her mother 00:59:29.370 --> 00:59:31.500 align:middle line:84% wasn't the only family member whose casting she 00:59:31.500 --> 00:59:32.820 align:middle line:90% would have altered. 00:59:32.820 --> 00:59:35.040 align:middle line:84% There would have been a more lax father. 00:59:35.040 --> 00:59:37.680 align:middle line:84% One less invested in the outmoded past, [AUDIO OUT] 00:59:37.680 --> 00:59:40.980 align:middle line:84% consequence, less injured by the present. 00:59:40.980 --> 00:59:43.440 align:middle line:84% A wilder, older sister who might warn her 00:59:43.440 --> 00:59:46.890 align:middle line:84% about the dark, slutty side of a girl's life. 00:59:46.890 --> 00:59:49.980 align:middle line:84% A jock brother who could protect her in the arenas her father 00:59:49.980 --> 00:59:51.480 align:middle line:90% had no access to. 00:59:51.480 --> 00:59:54.240 align:middle line:84% And an adoring younger sibling, male or female 00:59:54.240 --> 00:59:58.650 align:middle line:84% it didn't matter which, who like to follow orders. 00:59:58.650 --> 01:00:00.030 align:middle line:84% But her real sisters were waiting 01:00:00.030 --> 01:00:03.060 align:middle line:84% to hear about the mother she secretly desired. 01:00:03.060 --> 01:00:05.970 align:middle line:84% "I wanted to live in a horse farm," she finally said. 01:00:05.970 --> 01:00:08.880 align:middle line:84% "I wanted a couple of stable hand parents." 01:00:08.880 --> 01:00:12.300 align:middle line:84% "Judy Garland," said sister Mary, "and Mickey Rooney." 01:00:12.300 --> 01:00:14.550 align:middle line:84% "The suicide and the midget," Deanie had said. 01:00:14.550 --> 01:00:16.350 align:middle line:90% "Perfect." 01:00:16.350 --> 01:00:19.140 align:middle line:84% "Or maybe I wanted some glamorous academics," 01:00:19.140 --> 01:00:20.220 align:middle line:90% Elaine speculated. 01:00:20.220 --> 01:00:22.680 align:middle line:84% "Sort of who's afraid of Virginia Woolf-ish." 01:00:22.680 --> 01:00:25.200 align:middle line:90% 01:00:25.200 --> 01:00:28.230 align:middle line:84% Her parents' academia was not Ivy League, but 01:00:28.230 --> 01:00:32.430 align:middle line:90% of a commuter college variety. 01:00:32.430 --> 01:00:32.980 align:middle line:90% "Goodbye! 01:00:32.980 --> 01:00:33.690 align:middle line:90% Goodbye!" 01:00:33.690 --> 01:00:35.730 align:middle line:84% Elaine's children called to the family 01:00:35.730 --> 01:00:38.970 align:middle line:84% as the cars pulled away, caravan style. 01:00:38.970 --> 01:00:42.270 align:middle line:84% Jonathan's roaring motor [AUDIO OUT] his bandanna 01:00:42.270 --> 01:00:45.030 align:middle line:90% a receding flash of red. 01:00:45.030 --> 01:00:49.080 align:middle line:84% "I want a motorcycle," Elaine's son said, bursting into tears. 01:00:49.080 --> 01:00:53.190 align:middle line:84% "You wouldn't let me get even one ride," he accused Elaine. 01:00:53.190 --> 01:00:55.530 align:middle line:84% "I miss my grandma," said the three-year-old, 01:00:55.530 --> 01:00:57.550 align:middle line:90% also beginning to sob. 01:00:57.550 --> 01:00:59.410 align:middle line:90% Everyone felt tragic. 01:00:59.410 --> 01:01:01.190 align:middle line:84% Disbanding made them think of death, 01:01:01.190 --> 01:01:04.030 align:middle line:84% Elaine supposed, its chilly guarantee 01:01:04.030 --> 01:01:06.340 align:middle line:90% falling now like a vapor. 01:01:06.340 --> 01:01:07.990 align:middle line:90% "Who wants to go on a trip?" 01:01:07.990 --> 01:01:10.990 align:middle line:84% Lionel finally asked, clapping his hands together 01:01:10.990 --> 01:01:13.705 align:middle line:84% to dispel the fog to inspire levity. 01:01:13.705 --> 01:01:16.240 align:middle line:90% 01:01:16.240 --> 01:01:20.020 align:middle line:84% In the car, the little girl began her babble. 01:01:20.020 --> 01:01:22.210 align:middle line:84% "Snapper, Snapper, get me out of here. 01:01:22.210 --> 01:01:25.000 align:middle line:84% Thank you, sir, here's your bumbershoot." 01:01:25.000 --> 01:01:28.090 align:middle line:84% To everything she responded with this stuff. 01:01:28.090 --> 01:01:29.080 align:middle line:90% "Is she normal?" 01:01:29.080 --> 01:01:30.610 align:middle line:90% Deanie asked. 01:01:30.610 --> 01:01:33.610 align:middle line:84% "Of course," said Lionel, "they all do this." 01:01:33.610 --> 01:01:35.780 align:middle line:84% "Dad called her a whippersnapper, I think," 01:01:35.780 --> 01:01:38.950 align:middle line:84% Elaine told Deanie, who was driving in order to get a feel 01:01:38.950 --> 01:01:43.210 align:middle line:84% for the big, strange family vehicle Elaine and Lionel owned. 01:01:43.210 --> 01:01:47.140 align:middle line:84% [AUDIO OUT] Deanie kept blaming the car. 01:01:47.140 --> 01:01:50.890 align:middle line:84% "Grandpa said I had a big head," the boy put in. 01:01:50.890 --> 01:01:53.290 align:middle line:84% Deanie jumped at this, accelerating around a curve 01:01:53.290 --> 01:01:55.600 align:middle line:84% and sending everyone leaning left. 01:01:55.600 --> 01:01:59.170 align:middle line:84% "Here dad goes, insulting the next generation," she said. 01:01:59.170 --> 01:02:02.200 align:middle line:84% "No wonder we all have inferiority complexes. 01:02:02.200 --> 01:02:05.290 align:middle line:90% He bagged on us constantly." 01:02:05.290 --> 01:02:08.170 align:middle line:84% Elaine was tired of defending her parents. 01:02:08.170 --> 01:02:12.430 align:middle line:84% In her opinion they all had superiority complexes anyway. 01:02:12.430 --> 01:02:13.780 align:middle line:90% She had nothing to say. 01:02:13.780 --> 01:02:15.730 align:middle line:84% Neither did her husband, who was thinking 01:02:15.730 --> 01:02:19.270 align:middle line:90% about surgery on his testicles. 01:02:19.270 --> 01:02:23.320 align:middle line:84% Finally Elaine said to her son, "Honey, you do have a big head, 01:02:23.320 --> 01:02:26.530 align:middle line:84% and I should know since I gave birth to you." 01:02:26.530 --> 01:02:29.450 align:middle line:84% Deanie groaned at the thought of giving birth. 01:02:29.450 --> 01:02:32.710 align:middle line:84% "This whole pregnancy thing sucks," she said. 01:02:32.710 --> 01:02:35.440 align:middle line:84% "They hate it when you say suck," Elaine told her. 01:02:35.440 --> 01:02:37.060 align:middle line:90% "Watch mom's face next time. 01:02:37.060 --> 01:02:38.880 align:middle line:90% She kind of cringes." 01:02:38.880 --> 01:02:40.130 align:middle line:90% "You think I don't know that?" 01:02:40.130 --> 01:02:40.837 align:middle line:90% Deanie asked. 01:02:40.837 --> 01:02:43.420 align:middle line:84% "Do you think I don't know every little thing that pisses them 01:02:43.420 --> 01:02:45.010 align:middle line:90% off?" 01:02:45.010 --> 01:02:48.010 align:middle line:84% After a while the boy said, "I'm carsick." 01:02:48.010 --> 01:02:49.270 align:middle line:90% "Close your eyes. 01:02:49.270 --> 01:02:50.320 align:middle line:90% Open the window. 01:02:50.320 --> 01:02:51.760 align:middle line:90% Give him water." 01:02:51.760 --> 01:02:54.430 align:middle line:84% "Bumbershoot, bumbershoot," said the girl. 01:02:54.430 --> 01:02:55.510 align:middle line:90% "Touchy, touchy. 01:02:55.510 --> 01:02:57.580 align:middle line:90% I have a tail." 01:02:57.580 --> 01:03:01.030 align:middle line:84% "Jonathan would think our trip was funny," Deanie told them. 01:03:01.030 --> 01:03:03.430 align:middle line:90% "Irony, irony, irony." 01:03:03.430 --> 01:03:06.940 align:middle line:84% Outside, Ralph Lauren's ranch went by. 01:03:06.940 --> 01:03:09.760 align:middle line:84% A moment later, there he was, jogging on the highway, 01:03:09.760 --> 01:03:13.090 align:middle line:90% surprisingly short. 01:03:13.090 --> 01:03:18.370 align:middle line:84% "Jonathan calls him the wee haberdasher," Deanie said. 01:03:18.370 --> 01:03:20.330 align:middle line:84% "He's got a ranch the size of Idaho. 01:03:20.330 --> 01:03:21.760 align:middle line:90% And he jogs on the highway. 01:03:21.760 --> 01:03:23.320 align:middle line:90% What a dope." 01:03:23.320 --> 01:03:25.120 align:middle line:90% "Haberdasher," said the girl. 01:03:25.120 --> 01:03:26.830 align:middle line:90% "Haberdasher." 01:03:26.830 --> 01:03:27.580 align:middle line:90% "What's irony?" 01:03:27.580 --> 01:03:28.990 align:middle line:90% the boy asked. 01:03:28.990 --> 01:03:30.730 align:middle line:84% "For the clothes," said the girl, 01:03:30.730 --> 01:03:32.530 align:middle line:90% "with a board and the iron." 01:03:32.530 --> 01:03:35.950 align:middle line:84% She slid her pudgy palm along the front of her car seat 01:03:35.950 --> 01:03:37.820 align:middle line:90% to illustrate. 01:03:37.820 --> 01:03:39.730 align:middle line:84% "I want Jonathan," she said sadly. 01:03:39.730 --> 01:03:43.257 align:middle line:90% "Where is Jonathan?" 01:03:43.257 --> 01:03:44.840 align:middle line:84% "Mom and dad are going to the doctor," 01:03:44.840 --> 01:03:47.048 align:middle line:84% Elaine told her children at the hospital parking lot. 01:03:47.048 --> 01:03:49.460 align:middle line:84% "You guys get to see Seven Dwarfs with me." 01:03:49.460 --> 01:03:50.660 align:middle line:90% "Seven Dwarfs! 01:03:50.660 --> 01:03:51.332 align:middle line:90% Seven Dwarfs!" 01:03:51.332 --> 01:03:52.040 align:middle line:90% shouted the girl. 01:03:52.040 --> 01:03:52.970 align:middle line:90% "You hear that, Sammy? 01:03:52.970 --> 01:03:54.680 align:middle line:90% Seven Dwarfs!" 01:03:54.680 --> 01:03:56.120 align:middle line:84% "I don't want to go with Deanie," 01:03:56.120 --> 01:03:59.510 align:middle line:84% the boy said in a voice Elaine recognized as provocative, 01:03:59.510 --> 01:04:00.620 align:middle line:90% probing. 01:04:00.620 --> 01:04:02.780 align:middle line:90% "I already saw Snow White." 01:04:02.780 --> 01:04:04.467 align:middle line:84% He needed his parents' attention. 01:04:04.467 --> 01:04:06.800 align:middle line:84% Something was going on and he knew it and wanted someone 01:04:06.800 --> 01:04:08.220 align:middle line:90% to say so. 01:04:08.220 --> 01:04:10.220 align:middle line:84% "You can wait in the waiting room," Elaine said, 01:04:10.220 --> 01:04:11.570 align:middle line:90% "but it's deadly dull. 01:04:11.570 --> 01:04:13.390 align:middle line:84% And little bean head here would be a pest. 01:04:13.390 --> 01:04:17.330 align:middle line:84% She'll eat cigarette butts and bother people." 01:04:17.330 --> 01:04:20.390 align:middle line:84% Lionel, slow to recognize Elaine's strategy, 01:04:20.390 --> 01:04:23.270 align:middle line:84% pleaded, "Just go with Deanie, Sam. 01:04:23.270 --> 01:04:25.670 align:middle line:90% Do what we ask please." 01:04:25.670 --> 01:04:27.920 align:middle line:90% Lionel had been an only child. 01:04:27.920 --> 01:04:31.070 align:middle line:84% He had no idea how a real family worked. 01:04:31.070 --> 01:04:33.560 align:middle line:90% "I don't want to," Sam declared. 01:04:33.560 --> 01:04:36.470 align:middle line:84% "So he stays here," Elaine said, opening her car door and hopping 01:04:36.470 --> 01:04:37.460 align:middle line:90% out. 01:04:37.460 --> 01:04:41.702 align:middle line:84% Her nauseous stirred up again like a flashback like nostalgia. 01:04:41.702 --> 01:04:43.160 align:middle line:84% "Just don't complain later when you 01:04:43.160 --> 01:04:44.690 align:middle line:84% miss the movie, and the Skittles, 01:04:44.690 --> 01:04:46.460 align:middle line:90% and the popcorn, and the Coke. 01:04:46.460 --> 01:04:48.320 align:middle line:90% Then it'll be too late." 01:04:48.320 --> 01:04:50.420 align:middle line:84% She wished her sister would step in and make 01:04:50.420 --> 01:04:53.480 align:middle line:84% a bid for Sam [AUDIO OUT] for her own fondness. 01:04:53.480 --> 01:04:55.700 align:middle line:84% But Deanie clearly felt her feelings had been hurt 01:04:55.700 --> 01:04:57.260 align:middle line:90% and was sulking. 01:04:57.260 --> 01:05:00.290 align:middle line:84% "I'll go," Sam finally said, twisting his face from his 01:05:00.290 --> 01:05:02.000 align:middle line:90% mother's kiss. 01:05:02.000 --> 01:05:05.300 align:middle line:84% Deanie drove off with them, squealing around the corner. 01:05:05.300 --> 01:05:08.570 align:middle line:84% Elaine watched the backs of her children's heads disappear. 01:05:08.570 --> 01:05:11.960 align:middle line:84% She said, "She's not taking them to see Dwarfs, 01:05:11.960 --> 01:05:14.930 align:middle line:84% she's taking them to something rated R." 01:05:14.930 --> 01:05:17.570 align:middle line:84% Anger swelled in her like a balloon. 01:05:17.570 --> 01:05:20.000 align:middle line:84% "She wouldn't do that," Lionel said. 01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:22.820 align:middle line:84% "Of course she would," but Elaine laughed. 01:05:22.820 --> 01:05:26.600 align:middle line:84% There was satisfaction knowing something so surely. 01:05:26.600 --> 01:05:30.050 align:middle line:84% "Later alligator," Lionel told her at admissions, 01:05:30.050 --> 01:05:32.180 align:middle line:90% pinching her soft bottom. 01:05:32.180 --> 01:05:34.400 align:middle line:84% She didn't want to be touched right now, especially 01:05:34.400 --> 01:05:35.330 align:middle line:90% on the bottom. 01:05:35.330 --> 01:05:37.220 align:middle line:90% "Don't be scared," he added. 01:05:37.220 --> 01:05:41.300 align:middle line:90% "Yeah, yeah, yeah," she said. 01:05:41.300 --> 01:05:44.720 align:middle line:84% "Nobody who performs vasectomies should be named Dr. Dick," 01:05:44.720 --> 01:05:47.600 align:middle line:90% Lionel said on the way home. 01:05:47.600 --> 01:05:51.770 align:middle line:84% Deanie said, "My ob-gyn always tells the same joke. 01:05:51.770 --> 01:05:54.560 align:middle line:90% At your cervix!" 01:05:54.560 --> 01:05:56.750 align:middle line:84% "You are sitting in the waa-waa seat," 01:05:56.750 --> 01:05:58.490 align:middle line:90% said the boy to his sister. 01:05:58.490 --> 01:05:59.540 align:middle line:90% "Am not!" 01:05:59.540 --> 01:06:01.380 align:middle line:90% The waa-waa seat. 01:06:01.380 --> 01:06:04.250 align:middle line:90% It was a customary car argument. 01:06:04.250 --> 01:06:06.080 align:middle line:84% Though he claimed not to be tired, 01:06:06.080 --> 01:06:08.430 align:middle line:84% Lionel fell asleep first on the trip back. 01:06:08.430 --> 01:06:11.210 align:middle line:84% His hands cupped chastely on his lap, 01:06:11.210 --> 01:06:15.320 align:middle line:84% protecting the remainder of his tender bunch of genitalia. 01:06:15.320 --> 01:06:18.830 align:middle line:84% Then the girl closed her eyes, and then Elaine dropped off. 01:06:18.830 --> 01:06:23.180 align:middle line:84% Drugged, dreaming of r-rated chase scenes and her brother's 01:06:23.180 --> 01:06:24.860 align:middle line:90% dead friends. 01:06:24.860 --> 01:06:27.050 align:middle line:84% Having foreseen general sleepiness, 01:06:27.050 --> 01:06:29.060 align:middle line:84% she had arranged Sam in the front seat 01:06:29.060 --> 01:06:31.640 align:middle line:84% beside Deanie to keep her company. 01:06:31.640 --> 01:06:34.790 align:middle line:84% But even reliable, vigilant Sam could not 01:06:34.790 --> 01:06:36.860 align:middle line:84% resist shutting his eyes and soon 01:06:36.860 --> 01:06:39.200 align:middle line:84% lay his sweaty head on Deanie's shoulder, 01:06:39.200 --> 01:06:42.080 align:middle line:90% so that steering was difficult. 01:06:42.080 --> 01:06:44.030 align:middle line:84% While Elaine's little brood slept, 01:06:44.030 --> 01:06:48.890 align:middle line:84% Deanie drove 80 miles an hour atop the dangerous cliffs. 01:06:48.890 --> 01:06:50.870 align:middle line:84% At the dark summer house, she braked 01:06:50.870 --> 01:06:52.640 align:middle line:84% before pulling into the driveway, 01:06:52.640 --> 01:06:56.420 align:middle line:84% just to stare at the familiar face the door and windows made. 01:06:56.420 --> 01:06:58.220 align:middle line:84% The porch [AUDIO OUT] broad, wicked 01:06:58.220 --> 01:07:00.680 align:middle line:90% smile in the cold streetlight. 01:07:00.680 --> 01:07:04.790 align:middle line:84% Bats flew crazily as if someone were throwing them around. 01:07:04.790 --> 01:07:06.650 align:middle line:84% Her Bill seemed to have gone out, 01:07:06.650 --> 01:07:10.190 align:middle line:84% not bothering to leave on a lamp for their homecoming. 01:07:10.190 --> 01:07:12.110 align:middle line:84% In that second, Deanie let herself 01:07:12.110 --> 01:07:14.390 align:middle line:90% feel utterly sorry for herself. 01:07:14.390 --> 01:07:18.410 align:middle line:84% Let self-pity collapse around her like a smelly tent. 01:07:18.410 --> 01:07:21.110 align:middle line:84% Her life wasn't going to be anything like her parents'. 01:07:21.110 --> 01:07:23.510 align:middle line:84% It wasn't even going to be like sisters'. 01:07:23.510 --> 01:07:25.730 align:middle line:90% It was going to be a lot harder. 01:07:25.730 --> 01:07:28.760 align:middle line:84% She allowed a tear or two to leak down her face. 01:07:28.760 --> 01:07:31.700 align:middle line:84% She prodded her own belly until her baby woke up 01:07:31.700 --> 01:07:33.230 align:middle line:90% and rolled over. 01:07:33.230 --> 01:07:35.690 align:middle line:84% And she recovered and turned off the engine, 01:07:35.690 --> 01:07:38.510 align:middle line:84% opening her door to fill the car with bright light 01:07:38.510 --> 01:07:41.540 align:middle line:84% and a harassing metronomic beeping. 01:07:41.540 --> 01:07:44.577 align:middle line:90% "Home," she told her passengers. 01:07:44.577 --> 01:07:46.160 align:middle line:84% On the answering machine were messages 01:07:46.160 --> 01:07:47.570 align:middle line:90% from Mary and their mother. 01:07:47.570 --> 01:07:50.460 align:middle line:84% Everyone had arrived safely from their day on the road. 01:07:50.460 --> 01:07:53.000 align:middle line:84% "It was a heck of a trip," sister Mary's cheery voice 01:07:53.000 --> 01:07:56.030 align:middle line:84% admitted, "but we made it, of course." 01:07:56.030 --> 01:07:56.600 align:middle line:90% "Ha!" 01:07:56.600 --> 01:07:57.680 align:middle line:90% Elaine scoffed. 01:07:57.680 --> 01:07:59.510 align:middle line:90% "They think they had a trip." 01:07:59.510 --> 01:08:02.390 align:middle line:84% Trudging toward the room with a hand on her abdomen, 01:08:02.390 --> 01:08:04.820 align:middle line:90% a damp pad between her legs. 01:08:04.820 --> 01:08:06.290 align:middle line:84% "Who's going to carry in the kids?" 01:08:06.290 --> 01:08:10.580 align:middle line:84% she demanded of her pale husband and her irritable sister. 01:08:10.580 --> 01:08:14.810 align:middle line:84% "I feel like a goat kicked me in the gonads," Lionel said. 01:08:14.810 --> 01:08:16.550 align:middle line:90% "How about you?" 01:08:16.550 --> 01:08:19.609 align:middle line:84% "Ditto," said Elaine, "that hung over hell, 01:08:19.609 --> 01:08:21.830 align:middle line:90% that postpartum wooze." 01:08:21.830 --> 01:08:24.439 align:middle line:90% "Pre partum here," said Deanie. 01:08:24.439 --> 01:08:27.020 align:middle line:84% "We're hopeless," Lionel declared. 01:08:27.020 --> 01:08:28.850 align:middle line:84% "Yes, but who's the most hopeless?" 01:08:28.850 --> 01:08:32.660 align:middle line:84% Deanie asked, squatting over a footstool, her skirt blooming 01:08:32.660 --> 01:08:34.310 align:middle line:90% around her like a flower. 01:08:34.310 --> 01:08:38.270 align:middle line:84% "Just leave them there," she said about the children. 01:08:38.270 --> 01:08:41.510 align:middle line:84% "No," Elaine told her peevishly, already planning to wake them 01:08:41.510 --> 01:08:43.710 align:middle line:90% in a few and make them walk. 01:08:43.710 --> 01:08:47.220 align:middle line:84% "No, I'm not going to just leave them there." 01:08:47.220 --> 01:08:50.520 align:middle line:84% Deanie had a lot to learn about parenthood, she thought. 01:08:50.520 --> 01:08:52.560 align:middle line:84% Elaine sort of envied her innocence 01:08:52.560 --> 01:08:56.189 align:middle line:84% while also being exasperated by it. 01:08:56.189 --> 01:08:59.279 align:middle line:84% "Snapper, snapper, get me out of here, you bean head," 01:08:59.279 --> 01:09:02.080 align:middle line:84% said the three-year-old in her sleep. 01:09:02.080 --> 01:09:04.859 align:middle line:84% She clung to [AUDIO OUT] until Elaine lifted her, 01:09:04.859 --> 01:09:08.850 align:middle line:84% feeling a rush of warmth between her legs as she did so. 01:09:08.850 --> 01:09:11.470 align:middle line:84% But she knew carrying her daughter wouldn't hurt her. 01:09:11.470 --> 01:09:14.970 align:middle line:84% Her baby needed to be held and she felt nothing but good. 01:09:14.970 --> 01:09:18.000 align:middle line:84% Warm with sleep, affectionate, easy. 01:09:18.000 --> 01:09:21.390 align:middle line:84% She was, after all, Elaine's last baby. 01:09:21.390 --> 01:09:24.960 align:middle line:84% In front of her, Lionel faltered as he lifted Sam. 01:09:24.960 --> 01:09:26.279 align:middle line:90% "Did you see Dwarfs?" 01:09:26.279 --> 01:09:28.090 align:middle line:90% he asked the boy. 01:09:28.090 --> 01:09:30.779 align:middle line:84% "I told you I already saw Dwarfs." 01:09:30.779 --> 01:09:34.140 align:middle line:84% Sam dropped his head on his father's shoulder. 01:09:34.140 --> 01:09:36.359 align:middle line:84% Before they went inside, Lionel asked Elaine 01:09:36.359 --> 01:09:39.029 align:middle line:84% if he should go look for Deanie's Bill. 01:09:39.029 --> 01:09:41.040 align:middle line:84% "What would you do if you found him?" 01:09:41.040 --> 01:09:42.210 align:middle line:90% He shrugged. 01:09:42.210 --> 01:09:45.120 align:middle line:84% "Then I see no point in looking." 01:09:45.120 --> 01:09:47.370 align:middle line:84% Later, the three grown ups turned on lights 01:09:47.370 --> 01:09:49.770 align:middle line:84% and made toddies, dealt out cards, 01:09:49.770 --> 01:09:53.370 align:middle line:84% and tuned in a distant gospel radio station. 01:09:53.370 --> 01:09:57.780 align:middle line:84% "Brothers and sisters," a woman sang, "welcome me in." 01:09:57.780 --> 01:09:59.880 align:middle line:84% "She's a big fatso," Deanie guessed. 01:09:59.880 --> 01:10:01.710 align:middle line:90% "A big Black fatty." 01:10:01.710 --> 01:10:03.930 align:middle line:84% She and Elaine cracked sunflower seeds 01:10:03.930 --> 01:10:06.540 align:middle line:84% and made a soggy husk pile between them the way 01:10:06.540 --> 01:10:10.410 align:middle line:84% they always did, as if that might help them feel normal. 01:10:10.410 --> 01:10:14.130 align:middle line:84% From where the children slept on the couch and the easy chair 01:10:14.130 --> 01:10:17.220 align:middle line:90% came heavy, faithful breathing. 01:10:17.220 --> 01:10:20.460 align:middle line:84% Still, the house seemed empty without the others, 01:10:20.460 --> 01:10:24.810 align:middle line:84% as if a wind had blown through, stealing all familiar smells. 01:10:24.810 --> 01:10:26.790 align:middle line:90% The place lacked people. 01:10:26.790 --> 01:10:28.920 align:middle line:84% Ones who had been there just that morning, 01:10:28.920 --> 01:10:31.810 align:middle line:84% and ones who'd been there many years past. 01:10:31.810 --> 01:10:33.870 align:middle line:84% Those who might be there in the future, 01:10:33.870 --> 01:10:37.250 align:middle line:84% and those who would simply never be. 01:10:37.250 --> 01:10:49.000 align:middle line:90%