Somewhere in here is a poem about shaving.
OK, this is called, "Steady Hands at Seattle General."
"Inside of two days, I was shaving myself.
And I even shaved a couple of new arrivals
because the drugs they injected me with had an amazing effect.
I call it amazing because only hours
before, they'd wheeled me through corridors
in which I hallucinated a soft, summery rain.
In the hospital rooms on either side, objects--
bases, ashtrays, beds-- had looked wet and scary,
hardly bothering to cover up their true meanings.
They ran a few syringes full into me,
and I felt like I'd turned from a light Styrofoam thing
into a person.
I held up my hands before my eyes.
The hands were as still as sculptures.
I shaved my roommate, Bill.
Don't get tricky with my mustache, he said.
OK so far?
So far.
I'll do the other side.
That would make sense, partner.
Just below one cheekbone, Bill had a small blemish where
a bullet had entered his face.
And in the other cheek, a slightly larger scar where
the slug had gone on its way.
When you were shot right through your face like that,
did the bullet go on to do anything interesting?
How would I know?
I didn't take notes.
Even if it goes on through, you still
feel like you just got shot in the head.
[LAUGHTER]
What about this little scar here, through your sideburn?
I don't know.
Maybe I was born with that one.
I never saw it before.
Someday, people are going to read
about you in a story or a poem.
Will you describe yourself for those people?
Oh, I don't know.
I'm a fat piece of shit, I guess.
No, I'm serious.
You're not going to write about me.
Hey, I'm a writer.
Well, then, just tell them I'm overweight.
He's overweight.
[LAUGHTER]
I've been shot twice.
Twice?
Once by each wife, for a total of three bullets,
making four holes, three in's and one out.
And you're still alive?
Are you going to change any of this for your poem?
No, it's going in word for word.
That's too bad, because asking me if I'm alive
makes you look kind of stupid.
Obviously, I am.
Well, maybe I mean alive in a deeper sense.
You could be talking and still not be alive in a deeper sense.
It don't get no deeper than the kind of shit we're in right now.
What do you mean?
It's great here.
They even give you cigarettes.
I didn't get any yet.
Here you go.
Hey, thanks.
Pay me back when they give you yours.
Maybe.
What did you say when she shot you?
I said, "You shot me."
[LAUGHTER]
Both times?
Both wives?
The first time, I didn't say anything,
because she shot me in the mouth.
So you couldn't talk.
I was knocked out cold, is the reason I couldn't talk.
And I still remember the dream I had while I
was knocked out that time.
What was the dream?
How could I tell you about it?
It was a dream.
It didn't make any fucking sense, man.
But I do remember it.
You can't describe it even a little bit?
I really don't know what the description would be.
I'm sorry.
Anything.
Anything at all.
Well, for one thing, the dream is
something that keeps coming back over and over.
I mean when I'm awake.
Every time I remember my first wife,
I remember that she pulled the trigger on me,
and then here comes that dream.
And the dream wasn't--
there wasn't anything sad about it.
But when I remember it, I get like, fuck, man,
she really-- she shot me.
And here's that dream.
Did you ever see that Elvis Presley movie,
Follow That Dream?
Yeah, I did.
I was just going to mention that.
OK, you're all done.
Look in the mirror.
Right.
What do you see?
How did I get so fat when I never eat?
Is that all?
Well, I don't know.
I just got here.
What about your life?
Ha.
That's a good one.
What about your past?
What about it?
When you look back, what do you see?
Wrecked cars.
Any people in them?
Yes.
Who?
People who are just meat now, man.
Is that really how it is?
How do I know how it is?
I just got here, and it stinks.
Are you kidding?
They're pumping Haldol by the quart.
It's a playpen.
I hope so, because I've been in places where all they do
is wrap you in a wet sheet and let you bite down
on a little rubber toy for puppies.
I could see living here two weeks out of every month.
Well, I'm older than you are.
You can take a couple more rides on this wheel
and still get out with all your arms and legs stuck on right.
Not me.
Hey, you're doing fine.
Talk into here.
Talk into your bullet hole?
Talk into my bullet hole.
Tell me I'm fine."
[APPLAUSE]
I don't know now.