WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.700 align:middle line:90%


00:00:00.700 --> 00:00:01.200 align:middle line:90%
Fire.

00:00:01.200 --> 00:00:03.790 align:middle line:90%


00:00:03.790 --> 00:00:07.180 align:middle line:84%
I strike a match and light
the shreds of kindling I

00:00:07.180 --> 00:00:09.100 align:middle line:90%
have cut with my knife.

00:00:09.100 --> 00:00:10.330 align:middle line:90%
Juniper.

00:00:10.330 --> 00:00:12.340 align:middle line:90%
I fan the incense toward me.

00:00:12.340 --> 00:00:15.340 align:middle line:84%
The smoke rises, curls,
coils around my face.

00:00:15.340 --> 00:00:17.680 align:middle line:84%
It feels good to be
in the desert again.

00:00:17.680 --> 00:00:21.830 align:middle line:84%
Home, where I can
pause, remain silent.

00:00:21.830 --> 00:00:24.670 align:middle line:90%
There's nothing to explain.

00:00:24.670 --> 00:00:26.920 align:middle line:84%
I break twigs and lean
them against each other

00:00:26.920 --> 00:00:29.050 align:middle line:90%
in the formation of a teepee.

00:00:29.050 --> 00:00:30.280 align:middle line:90%
More smoke.

00:00:30.280 --> 00:00:33.730 align:middle line:84%
On hands, and knees in red
sand, I blow at its base.

00:00:33.730 --> 00:00:37.270 align:middle line:84%
Blow again at a handful of
dried cottonwood leaves, blow.

00:00:37.270 --> 00:00:37.870 align:middle line:90%
They ignite.

00:00:37.870 --> 00:00:40.450 align:middle line:90%
Flames engulf the triangle.

00:00:40.450 --> 00:00:43.270 align:middle line:84%
I sit back on my haunches,
pleased that the fire

00:00:43.270 --> 00:00:46.280 align:middle line:84%
is growing in the desert
and me so that I can dream.

00:00:46.280 --> 00:00:50.380 align:middle line:84%
Remember how it is that
I have come to love.

00:00:50.380 --> 00:00:53.380 align:middle line:84%
It is fate that determines
the territory of the heart.

00:00:53.380 --> 00:00:57.970 align:middle line:84%
I add more sticks, blow,
the fire flares in darkness.

00:00:57.970 --> 00:00:59.530 align:middle line:90%
The wood opens.

00:00:59.530 --> 00:01:01.990 align:middle line:84%
Flames rise, flicker,
my eyes blur.

00:01:01.990 --> 00:01:05.260 align:middle line:84%
I hold every detail
of love in my body.

00:01:05.260 --> 00:01:06.910 align:middle line:90%
Nothing forgotten.

00:01:06.910 --> 00:01:08.320 align:middle line:90%
Put more sticks on the fire.

00:01:08.320 --> 00:01:10.390 align:middle line:90%
It surges sputters and purrs.

00:01:10.390 --> 00:01:11.920 align:middle line:90%
The fire holds me captive.

00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:14.230 align:middle line:84%
Charismatic flames
wave me closer.

00:01:14.230 --> 00:01:16.810 align:middle line:84%
I add two more sticks
like bodies to love.

00:01:16.810 --> 00:01:19.030 align:middle line:90%
They are consumed instantly.

00:01:19.030 --> 00:01:22.330 align:middle line:84%
The fire shifts then
settles with no intensity.

00:01:22.330 --> 00:01:23.980 align:middle line:90%
It shifts again, adjusts.

00:01:23.980 --> 00:01:25.870 align:middle line:90%
The wood pops like vertebrae.

00:01:25.870 --> 00:01:29.680 align:middle line:84%
The silver bark of juniper
burns black, turns white.

00:01:29.680 --> 00:01:31.960 align:middle line:90%
A spark breathes.

00:01:31.960 --> 00:01:34.480 align:middle line:84%
I crouch down and
blow on embers.

00:01:34.480 --> 00:01:36.130 align:middle line:90%
They flare and quiver.

00:01:36.130 --> 00:01:37.120 align:middle line:90%
I blow again.

00:01:37.120 --> 00:01:38.320 align:middle line:90%
They become rubies.

00:01:38.320 --> 00:01:41.140 align:middle line:84%
I reach into the coals,
believing, and burn my fingers,

00:01:41.140 --> 00:01:45.460 align:middle line:84%
blister their tips, pull back
in pain, and bury my hands.

00:01:45.460 --> 00:01:46.990 align:middle line:90%
The fire wanes.

00:01:46.990 --> 00:01:48.340 align:middle line:90%
I cannot bear its absence.

00:01:48.340 --> 00:01:49.690 align:middle line:90%
I lower my head and blow.

00:01:49.690 --> 00:01:52.270 align:middle line:84%
The fire ignites,
my longing returns.

00:01:52.270 --> 00:01:57.910 align:middle line:84%
When we want everything to
change, we call on fire.

00:01:57.910 --> 00:01:59.050 align:middle line:90%
I fetch more wood.

00:01:59.050 --> 00:02:02.230 align:middle line:84%
Bones of pinyon and juniper
lie on the desert floor.

00:02:02.230 --> 00:02:05.800 align:middle line:84%
Even in darkness, I see
them illumined by the moon.

00:02:05.800 --> 00:02:07.270 align:middle line:90%
I gather them in my arms.

00:02:07.270 --> 00:02:08.500 align:middle line:90%
This time, they are larger.

00:02:08.500 --> 00:02:12.610 align:middle line:84%
I must break them over my knee,
and feed the fire once again.

00:02:12.610 --> 00:02:14.170 align:middle line:90%
The fire is aroused.

00:02:14.170 --> 00:02:15.940 align:middle line:90%
The flames reach higher.

00:02:15.940 --> 00:02:18.460 align:middle line:84%
I stand before them
with my arms raised.

00:02:18.460 --> 00:02:22.120 align:middle line:84%
My hands surrender and come
down to caress the heat

00:02:22.120 --> 00:02:25.390 align:middle line:90%
and mold it into faces I love.

00:02:25.390 --> 00:02:28.600 align:middle line:84%
Do I dare to feel the white
heat of my heart as a prayer?

00:02:28.600 --> 00:02:30.880 align:middle line:90%
What is smoldering inside?

00:02:30.880 --> 00:02:34.630 align:middle line:84%
And how is it that pleasure
exists between such beauty

00:02:34.630 --> 00:02:36.280 align:middle line:90%
and violence?

00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:38.050 align:middle line:90%
Feed the fire.

00:02:38.050 --> 00:02:39.520 align:middle line:90%
No.

00:02:39.520 --> 00:02:40.630 align:middle line:90%
Yes.

00:02:40.630 --> 00:02:44.210 align:middle line:84%
My fingers touch the
blaze of bodies in flames.

00:02:44.210 --> 00:02:45.100 align:middle line:90%
The fire explodes.

00:02:45.100 --> 00:02:47.650 align:middle line:84%
Flames become blue tongues
curling around each other.

00:02:47.650 --> 00:02:48.730 align:middle line:90%
My eyes close.

00:02:48.730 --> 00:02:49.870 align:middle line:90%
I step forward.

00:02:49.870 --> 00:02:51.370 align:middle line:90%
My legs open to the heat.

00:02:51.370 --> 00:02:54.370 align:middle line:84%
The tingling return of
heat inside, outside.

00:02:54.370 --> 00:02:58.360 align:middle line:84%
Shadows dance on the
sandstone my ghostly lover.

00:02:58.360 --> 00:03:00.790 align:middle line:90%
I allow myself to be ravished.

00:03:00.790 --> 00:03:04.390 align:middle line:84%
My generosity becomes
my humiliation.

00:03:04.390 --> 00:03:06.610 align:middle line:84%
The hair between
my legs is singed.

00:03:06.610 --> 00:03:10.600 align:middle line:84%
My left hand shields my face
from the fire, fingers open.

00:03:10.600 --> 00:03:12.160 align:middle line:90%
It is a shuttered scape.

00:03:12.160 --> 00:03:13.330 align:middle line:90%
Fingers clench.

00:03:13.330 --> 00:03:18.910 align:middle line:84%
I hold a fist before the flames,
loyal and disloyal at once.

00:03:18.910 --> 00:03:22.780 align:middle line:84%
Above me, free tailed bats
circle the flames like moths.

00:03:22.780 --> 00:03:24.190 align:middle line:90%
Moths frighten me.

00:03:24.190 --> 00:03:26.230 align:middle line:90%
I hate their addiction to light.

00:03:26.230 --> 00:03:30.830 align:middle line:84%
But bats delight in darkness
with their ears wide open.

00:03:30.830 --> 00:03:34.270 align:middle line:84%
What do they hear
that I am missing?

00:03:34.270 --> 00:03:36.490 align:middle line:84%
Gifted in the
location of echoes,

00:03:36.490 --> 00:03:40.990 align:middle line:84%
they listen twice to all
that is spoken in the desert.

00:03:40.990 --> 00:03:44.590 align:middle line:84%
They are dark angels,
who register our longings

00:03:44.590 --> 00:03:49.390 align:middle line:84%
and pinpoint the cries
lodged within our throats.

00:03:49.390 --> 00:03:51.700 align:middle line:90%
Heat, more heat.

00:03:51.700 --> 00:03:53.230 align:middle line:90%
My face flashes red.

00:03:53.230 --> 00:03:55.210 align:middle line:90%
The fire's hands are circling.

00:03:55.210 --> 00:03:59.740 align:middle line:84%
I sit inches away from something
that tomorrow will not exist.

00:03:59.740 --> 00:04:03.670 align:middle line:84%
The blue eyed coals I
gave in to will disappear.

00:04:03.670 --> 00:04:05.590 align:middle line:90%
Ashes to ashes.

00:04:05.590 --> 00:04:10.390 align:middle line:84%
Death is the natural
conclusion of love.

00:04:10.390 --> 00:04:13.420 align:middle line:90%
But tonight, it remains alive.

00:04:13.420 --> 00:04:15.520 align:middle line:84%
And I know in the
shock of my heart

00:04:15.520 --> 00:04:18.130 align:middle line:84%
that love is as
transitory as fire.

00:04:18.130 --> 00:04:20.860 align:middle line:84%
The warmth I feel,
the glow of my body,

00:04:20.860 --> 00:04:25.270 align:middle line:84%
and the force of my own interior
heat is enough to keep me here.

00:04:25.270 --> 00:04:28.260 align:middle line:90%


00:04:28.260 --> 00:04:30.780 align:middle line:90%
It is our nature to be aroused.

00:04:30.780 --> 00:04:34.140 align:middle line:90%
Not once, but again and again.

00:04:34.140 --> 00:04:36.150 align:middle line:84%
Where do we find the
strength to not be

00:04:36.150 --> 00:04:38.070 align:middle line:90%
pulled apart by our passions?

00:04:38.070 --> 00:04:42.060 align:middle line:84%
How do we inhabit the canyons
inside a divided heart?

00:04:42.060 --> 00:04:46.230 align:middle line:90%
One body, two bodies, three.

00:04:46.230 --> 00:04:48.900 align:middle line:84%
Beyond the junipers and
pinyons of this starless

00:04:48.900 --> 00:04:52.650 align:middle line:84%
night, I face the deep
stare of darkness.

00:04:52.650 --> 00:04:56.460 align:middle line:84%
This wildness cannot be
protected or preserved.

00:04:56.460 --> 00:04:59.190 align:middle line:84%
There is little
forgiveness here.

00:04:59.190 --> 00:05:03.240 align:middle line:84%
Experience is the talisman
I hold for courage.

00:05:03.240 --> 00:05:06.990 align:middle line:84%
It is the desert that persuades
me toward love, to step outside

00:05:06.990 --> 00:05:09.405 align:middle line:90%
and defy custom one more time.

00:05:09.405 --> 00:05:12.060 align:middle line:90%


00:05:12.060 --> 00:05:15.330 align:middle line:84%
The fire now bears the
last testament to trees.

00:05:15.330 --> 00:05:17.940 align:middle line:84%
I blow into the
religious caverns of wood

00:05:17.940 --> 00:05:20.490 align:middle line:90%
and watch them burn brightly.

00:05:20.490 --> 00:05:23.070 align:middle line:84%
My breath elucidates
each yellow room.

00:05:23.070 --> 00:05:26.910 align:middle line:84%
And I remember the
body as sacrament.

00:05:26.910 --> 00:05:29.310 align:middle line:84%
I have brought white
candles with me.

00:05:29.310 --> 00:05:33.390 align:middle line:84%
I take them out of my pouch,
and secure them in the sand.

00:05:33.390 --> 00:05:35.640 align:middle line:84%
With a small stick,
I carry a flame

00:05:35.640 --> 00:05:39.570 align:middle line:84%
from the fire and light one
and another and another.

00:05:39.570 --> 00:05:41.400 align:middle line:84%
They threaten to
flicker and fade.

00:05:41.400 --> 00:05:43.650 align:middle line:84%
I shelter them with
my hands and watch

00:05:43.650 --> 00:05:48.300 align:middle line:84%
the way the wax trickles
down the side of each taper.

00:05:48.300 --> 00:05:51.660 align:middle line:84%
Once away from the
flame, it hardens.

00:05:51.660 --> 00:05:54.300 align:middle line:90%
My body reflects back the heat.

00:05:54.300 --> 00:05:57.750 align:middle line:84%
I dip the tip of my finger
into the small basin

00:05:57.750 --> 00:06:00.780 align:middle line:84%
of heated wax shining
at the base of the work.

00:06:00.780 --> 00:06:04.620 align:middle line:84%
Bring it to my lips,
and paint them.

00:06:04.620 --> 00:06:06.980 align:middle line:90%
I turn toward the flames.

00:06:06.980 --> 00:06:08.000 align:middle line:90%