WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.980 align:middle line:90% 00:00:03.980 --> 00:00:06.200 align:middle line:90% Can you all hear me all right? 00:00:06.200 --> 00:00:08.119 align:middle line:90% Everybody hear me in the back? 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:12.650 align:middle line:84% OK, welcome to the second reading and the Voices 00:00:12.650 --> 00:00:14.540 align:middle line:84% of the American West series, sponsored 00:00:14.540 --> 00:00:18.110 align:middle line:84% by the English Department and the Creative Writing Program. 00:00:18.110 --> 00:00:19.805 align:middle line:90% We're pleased you could be here. 00:00:19.805 --> 00:00:22.610 align:middle line:90% 00:00:22.610 --> 00:00:26.150 align:middle line:84% Books by Annick Smith and William Kittredge 00:00:26.150 --> 00:00:30.320 align:middle line:84% are available for sale in the hallway after the reading. 00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:32.119 align:middle line:90% I'm sure they're both here. 00:00:32.119 --> 00:00:34.925 align:middle line:84% Both would be pleased to sign books for you. 00:00:34.925 --> 00:00:38.430 align:middle line:90% 00:00:38.430 --> 00:00:41.520 align:middle line:84% Tomorrow night in this auditorium at 8:00, 00:00:41.520 --> 00:00:47.580 align:middle line:84% the Chinese poet Bei Dao will be reading. 00:00:47.580 --> 00:00:52.080 align:middle line:84% The next reading on the Voices of the American West series 00:00:52.080 --> 00:00:54.690 align:middle line:84% will be next Tuesday, a week from tonight, 00:00:54.690 --> 00:00:56.040 align:middle line:90% in this auditorium. 00:00:56.040 --> 00:00:58.590 align:middle line:90% That's March 9th, 8:00 PM. 00:00:58.590 --> 00:01:03.570 align:middle line:84% Luis Alberto Urrea, the author of Across the Wire, 00:01:03.570 --> 00:01:06.900 align:middle line:84% By the Lake of Sleeping Children, Nobody's Son, 00:01:06.900 --> 00:01:09.810 align:middle line:84% and most recently, Wandering Child-- 00:01:09.810 --> 00:01:12.120 align:middle line:84% I'm sorry, Wandering Time will be reading. 00:01:12.120 --> 00:01:15.390 align:middle line:90% 00:01:15.390 --> 00:01:20.850 align:middle line:84% Our reader tonight, Annick Smith, was born in Paris, 00:01:20.850 --> 00:01:24.900 align:middle line:84% raised in the Chicago area, and has lived in Montana 00:01:24.900 --> 00:01:29.550 align:middle line:84% most of her adult life, much of her adult life at least. 00:01:29.550 --> 00:01:34.200 align:middle line:84% She is the author of Homestead and Big Bluestem: 00:01:34.200 --> 00:01:37.770 align:middle line:90% A Journey into the Tallgrass. 00:01:37.770 --> 00:01:41.910 align:middle line:84% That is in reference to The Nature Conservancy's Tallgrass 00:01:41.910 --> 00:01:47.660 align:middle line:90% Prairie Preserve in Oklahoma. 00:01:47.660 --> 00:01:50.380 align:middle line:90% She has published essays. 00:01:50.380 --> 00:01:52.210 align:middle line:90% She has published some fiction. 00:01:52.210 --> 00:01:55.030 align:middle line:90% She's working on fiction now. 00:01:55.030 --> 00:01:57.790 align:middle line:84% She was a co-producer of A River Runs 00:01:57.790 --> 00:02:01.870 align:middle line:84% Through It, the film, and executive producer of the film 00:02:01.870 --> 00:02:03.460 align:middle line:90% Heartland. 00:02:03.460 --> 00:02:07.150 align:middle line:84% She co-edited, with William Kittredge, The Last Best Place: 00:02:07.150 --> 00:02:09.639 align:middle line:90% A Montana Anthology. 00:02:09.639 --> 00:02:17.920 align:middle line:84% She has been editor, school teacher, filmmaker, mother, 00:02:17.920 --> 00:02:19.660 align:middle line:90% not necessarily in that order. 00:02:19.660 --> 00:02:21.790 align:middle line:90% She raised four sons. 00:02:21.790 --> 00:02:25.750 align:middle line:84% Annick's work is clear, passionate, and muscular. 00:02:25.750 --> 00:02:30.250 align:middle line:84% She writes about fishing, and cowboying, and pop-folk culture. 00:02:30.250 --> 00:02:35.080 align:middle line:84% But most of all, she writes about the land, the sweep 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:37.330 align:middle line:84% and feel of it, and the color of it, 00:02:37.330 --> 00:02:41.430 align:middle line:84% and the strength of many of its people. 00:02:41.430 --> 00:02:46.410 align:middle line:84% She has just returned to us from Chile and other areas 00:02:46.410 --> 00:02:49.920 align:middle line:90% in South America. 00:02:49.920 --> 00:02:56.130 align:middle line:84% She describes herself as Winter's whiter-haired child 00:02:56.130 --> 00:02:59.220 align:middle line:90% in love with this blue world. 00:02:59.220 --> 00:03:03.510 align:middle line:84% One of my students in a paper described her work 00:03:03.510 --> 00:03:09.630 align:middle line:84% as rich with wine, garlic, bluegrass, and wildflowers. 00:03:09.630 --> 00:03:13.380 align:middle line:84% It gives me great pleasure to introduce Annick Smith. 00:03:13.380 --> 00:03:16.284 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:03:16.284 --> 00:03:21.124 align:middle line:90% 00:03:21.124 --> 00:03:23.495 align:middle line:84% I'm carrying my collected oeuvre. 00:03:23.495 --> 00:03:26.360 align:middle line:90% 00:03:26.360 --> 00:03:27.650 align:middle line:90% Whoever wrote that, thank you. 00:03:27.650 --> 00:03:30.980 align:middle line:90% That's very sweet. 00:03:30.980 --> 00:03:33.240 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read you bits and pieces, sort 00:03:33.240 --> 00:03:37.440 align:middle line:84% of a travelogue of my life or what I've been working on 00:03:37.440 --> 00:03:40.510 align:middle line:90% for the last several years. 00:03:40.510 --> 00:03:45.600 align:middle line:84% And so I hope you stay with me a bit here, a bit there, 00:03:45.600 --> 00:03:49.410 align:middle line:84% something personal, something from traveling, 00:03:49.410 --> 00:03:51.120 align:middle line:90% something high, something low. 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:54.460 align:middle line:90% 00:03:54.460 --> 00:04:00.550 align:middle line:84% I'll start by introducing you to me in the first published essay, 00:04:00.550 --> 00:04:02.470 align:middle line:84% personal essay I ever wrote called 00:04:02.470 --> 00:04:08.940 align:middle line:84% Homestead, which became the title piece for my collection. 00:04:08.940 --> 00:04:12.810 align:middle line:84% "The weathered log buildings on a hillside with yellow grass 00:04:12.810 --> 00:04:14.070 align:middle line:90% would own me. 00:04:14.070 --> 00:04:17.110 align:middle line:84% From my first sight of the place, I was hooked. 00:04:17.110 --> 00:04:19.380 align:middle line:90% I started to invent a new life. 00:04:19.380 --> 00:04:23.190 align:middle line:84% Some country family lived in the mud-chinked house with sun 00:04:23.190 --> 00:04:25.770 align:middle line:84% glinting off its tin roof, but the ranch 00:04:25.770 --> 00:04:28.920 align:middle line:84% seemed abandoned, no sounds except the humming 00:04:28.920 --> 00:04:33.630 align:middle line:84% of yellow jackets, dry grass rustling as we passed. 00:04:33.630 --> 00:04:38.370 align:middle line:84% A few leghorns pecked at the last grasshoppers of summer. 00:04:38.370 --> 00:04:39.180 align:middle line:90% Home. 00:04:39.180 --> 00:04:42.000 align:middle line:90% If I lived here, who would I be? 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:46.110 align:middle line:84% I imagined a sturdy woman with skin lined and cracked 00:04:46.110 --> 00:04:47.460 align:middle line:90% as the hewn logs. 00:04:47.460 --> 00:04:50.730 align:middle line:84% She would be chopping kindling on the hard-packed dirt 00:04:50.730 --> 00:04:52.500 align:middle line:90% outside the kitchen door. 00:04:52.500 --> 00:04:56.100 align:middle line:84% Her man drove a John Deere tractor along ditch banks 00:04:56.100 --> 00:04:59.640 align:middle line:84% thick with sedge, timothy, and high green tufts 00:04:59.640 --> 00:05:01.140 align:middle line:90% of orchard grass. 00:05:01.140 --> 00:05:04.890 align:middle line:84% Her horseback children raced across the upper meadows. 00:05:04.890 --> 00:05:07.470 align:middle line:84% My husband was a college professor. 00:05:07.470 --> 00:05:09.670 align:middle line:90% I was a city-bred wife. 00:05:09.670 --> 00:05:12.490 align:middle line:90% Could this ever be our family? 00:05:12.490 --> 00:05:15.130 align:middle line:84% In their youth, like so many other pilgrim artists, 00:05:15.130 --> 00:05:18.820 align:middle line:84% my Jewish parents had left Hungary for the culture of exile 00:05:18.820 --> 00:05:21.130 align:middle line:90% in 1920s Paris. 00:05:21.130 --> 00:05:22.930 align:middle line:84% At the apex of the Great Depression, 00:05:22.930 --> 00:05:24.880 align:middle line:84% before Hitler and his collaborators 00:05:24.880 --> 00:05:27.490 align:middle line:84% claimed most of Europe, they took the boat for the United 00:05:27.490 --> 00:05:30.280 align:middle line:90% States and settled in Chicago. 00:05:30.280 --> 00:05:32.320 align:middle line:84% I grew up without an extended family, 00:05:32.320 --> 00:05:34.340 align:middle line:84% for most of my great aunts, uncles, 00:05:34.340 --> 00:05:39.220 align:middle line:84% and cousins, those who stuck to the homeland, had disappeared. 00:05:39.220 --> 00:05:43.570 align:middle line:84% Some escaped, some ended in the ovens of Auschwitz. 00:05:43.570 --> 00:05:45.460 align:middle line:90% Mobility was the lesson. 00:05:45.460 --> 00:05:48.130 align:middle line:84% Do not tie yourself to one place. 00:05:48.130 --> 00:05:50.530 align:middle line:84% Montparnasse is where I was born. 00:05:50.530 --> 00:05:53.050 align:middle line:84% Chicago was the dwelling of my childhood, 00:05:53.050 --> 00:05:57.520 align:middle line:84% and after I married David Smith at 19, too young, 00:05:57.520 --> 00:05:59.770 align:middle line:84% we lived in Seattle for six years 00:05:59.770 --> 00:06:01.840 align:middle line:84% until he was offered a job teaching English 00:06:01.840 --> 00:06:04.180 align:middle line:90% at the University of Montana. 00:06:04.180 --> 00:06:07.900 align:middle line:84% In 1964, when Dave and I came to Missoula with our first two 00:06:07.900 --> 00:06:11.260 align:middle line:84% boys, friends in Seattle made bets about how long 00:06:11.260 --> 00:06:12.640 align:middle line:90% we would stay. 00:06:12.640 --> 00:06:14.650 align:middle line:84% They were not betting against Dave. 00:06:14.650 --> 00:06:17.290 align:middle line:84% He had grown up in a small Minnesota town 00:06:17.290 --> 00:06:20.320 align:middle line:84% and liked to fish and hunt and keep to himself. 00:06:20.320 --> 00:06:25.120 align:middle line:84% But me, I shopped for teas, rice wine, and spices 00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:27.160 align:middle line:84% whose names I could not pronounce. 00:06:27.160 --> 00:06:29.320 align:middle line:84% Home was streets full of strangers, 00:06:29.320 --> 00:06:34.180 align:middle line:84% green leafy vegetables thrown away in the rain-filled gutters. 00:06:34.180 --> 00:06:37.840 align:middle line:84% The chickens for sale in flyblown markets 00:06:37.840 --> 00:06:39.790 align:middle line:90% were alive and squawking. 00:06:39.790 --> 00:06:43.330 align:middle line:84% Montana, said one friend, I give you a year, maybe two. 00:06:43.330 --> 00:06:46.420 align:middle line:84% In our private mythology, I was the grasshopper, 00:06:46.420 --> 00:06:50.530 align:middle line:84% and everyone knows a grasshopper will never turn into an ant. 00:06:50.530 --> 00:06:54.700 align:middle line:84% 30 years later, David is dead, all four boys 00:06:54.700 --> 00:06:57.100 align:middle line:84% are grown and gone away from Missoula, 00:06:57.100 --> 00:07:00.040 align:middle line:84% and I am still living out back in Montana. 00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:04.150 align:middle line:84% I am that woman chopping her wood." 00:07:04.150 --> 00:07:06.235 align:middle line:84% although now I bought a propane furnace. 00:07:06.235 --> 00:07:11.240 align:middle line:90% 00:07:11.240 --> 00:07:12.530 align:middle line:90% I'm going to read this book. 00:07:12.530 --> 00:07:17.780 align:middle line:84% This big, fat, heavy thing is a book about the Tallgrass Prairie 00:07:17.780 --> 00:07:19.130 align:middle line:90% in Oklahoma. 00:07:19.130 --> 00:07:21.590 align:middle line:84% And I was commissioned to write this book. 00:07:21.590 --> 00:07:23.450 align:middle line:84% Actually, somebody called Bill Kittredge, 00:07:23.450 --> 00:07:27.440 align:middle line:84% who I live with and have lived with for 20 years, and said-- 00:07:27.440 --> 00:07:29.070 align:middle line:84% asked him if he would write the book. 00:07:29.070 --> 00:07:33.180 align:middle line:84% And he said no, but I think Annick Smith might be available. 00:07:33.180 --> 00:07:34.220 align:middle line:90% And then they called me. 00:07:34.220 --> 00:07:38.210 align:middle line:84% And I said, well, I don't know anything about Oklahoma. 00:07:38.210 --> 00:07:41.960 align:middle line:84% I never even thought about going to Oklahoma. 00:07:41.960 --> 00:07:44.850 align:middle line:84% And they said, well, think about it. 00:07:44.850 --> 00:07:45.980 align:middle line:90% And so I did. 00:07:45.980 --> 00:07:47.510 align:middle line:84% And I talked to my oldest son, who 00:07:47.510 --> 00:07:49.730 align:middle line:90% was the realist in the family. 00:07:49.730 --> 00:07:52.820 align:middle line:84% He's a real estate broker, and he lives quite well. 00:07:52.820 --> 00:07:55.970 align:middle line:84% And I said I don't think I want to do this book. 00:07:55.970 --> 00:07:59.240 align:middle line:84% And he said, well, mom, what else do you have going? 00:07:59.240 --> 00:08:02.130 align:middle line:84% And there was no answer to that one. 00:08:02.130 --> 00:08:04.940 align:middle line:84% So I spent the next three years writing this book, 00:08:04.940 --> 00:08:07.310 align:middle line:90% and I'm glad I did. 00:08:07.310 --> 00:08:09.080 align:middle line:90% Begin with grass. 00:08:09.080 --> 00:08:12.210 align:middle line:84% It starts with an epigraph from Walt Whitman. 00:08:12.210 --> 00:08:15.840 align:middle line:84% "I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journeywork 00:08:15.840 --> 00:08:18.030 align:middle line:90% of the stars. 00:08:18.030 --> 00:08:22.170 align:middle line:84% My first sight of the Osage grasslands is in late August 00:08:22.170 --> 00:08:25.860 align:middle line:84% when seedheads droop heavy and the lush green of summer 00:08:25.860 --> 00:08:29.040 align:middle line:84% has begun its fade to colors more earthen. 00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:32.669 align:middle line:84% The hot, humid air reminds me of the Midwest, 00:08:32.669 --> 00:08:35.850 align:middle line:84% where I was raised in Chicago, the prairie city 00:08:35.850 --> 00:08:38.070 align:middle line:90% with no prairie in sight. 00:08:38.070 --> 00:08:41.760 align:middle line:84% Chicago, where the fog creeps in on little cat's feet, 00:08:41.760 --> 00:08:46.230 align:middle line:84% was celebrated by the poet Carl Sandburg, who also celebrated 00:08:46.230 --> 00:08:48.780 align:middle line:90% the much older songs of grass. 00:08:48.780 --> 00:08:51.720 align:middle line:84% "The prairie sings to me in the forenoon," 00:08:51.720 --> 00:08:54.450 align:middle line:84% wrote Sandburg, "And I know in the night, 00:08:54.450 --> 00:08:59.190 align:middle line:84% I rest easy in the prairie arms on the prairie heart." 00:08:59.190 --> 00:09:03.210 align:middle line:84% Sandburg's Illinois and mine was tall grass once, 00:09:03.210 --> 00:09:05.790 align:middle line:84% a broad, open stretch of big bluestem 00:09:05.790 --> 00:09:08.970 align:middle line:84% like the Oklahoma prairies of Osage County. 00:09:08.970 --> 00:09:12.970 align:middle line:84% Osage does not have the rich, deep, tillable soil of Illinois. 00:09:12.970 --> 00:09:15.060 align:middle line:90% It grows cattle, not corn. 00:09:15.060 --> 00:09:18.340 align:middle line:84% And beneath its skin of limestone and sandstone 00:09:18.340 --> 00:09:21.520 align:middle line:90% lie reservoirs of oil and gas. 00:09:21.520 --> 00:09:24.010 align:middle line:84% Driving the 16 miles of gravel road 00:09:24.010 --> 00:09:25.990 align:middle line:84% from Pawhuska to the Chapman Barnard 00:09:25.990 --> 00:09:29.170 align:middle line:84% ranch, headquarters of the Tallgrass preserve, 00:09:29.170 --> 00:09:30.760 align:middle line:90% I feel spooked. 00:09:30.760 --> 00:09:33.910 align:middle line:84% I am a stranger in a land I have never seen, 00:09:33.910 --> 00:09:37.510 align:middle line:84% know nothing about, and as bewitched and bewildered 00:09:37.510 --> 00:09:41.380 align:middle line:84% as the pioneer women who arrived on the Kansas and Oklahoma 00:09:41.380 --> 00:09:46.420 align:middle line:84% frontiers to claim Indian lands more than a century before. 00:09:46.420 --> 00:09:49.840 align:middle line:84% "Lost out here on this lonely prairie--" 00:09:49.840 --> 00:09:54.140 align:middle line:84% wailed Martha Lick Wooden on a June night in 19-- 00:09:54.140 --> 00:09:55.930 align:middle line:90% in 1878. 00:09:55.930 --> 00:09:59.290 align:middle line:84% Martha's husband had missed the wagon trail to their Kansas 00:09:59.290 --> 00:10:01.810 align:middle line:84% homestead, and the howls of coyotes 00:10:01.810 --> 00:10:06.760 align:middle line:84% seemed to her like wild hyenas, wild dogs laughing 00:10:06.760 --> 00:10:09.490 align:middle line:84% at the imbeciles who could not find their way 00:10:09.490 --> 00:10:11.530 align:middle line:90% in a wilderness of grass. 00:10:11.530 --> 00:10:14.950 align:middle line:84% It was such a new world, reaching to the far horizon 00:10:14.950 --> 00:10:17.620 align:middle line:84% without a break of tree or chimney stack. 00:10:17.620 --> 00:10:21.220 align:middle line:84% Just sky and grass and grass and sky. 00:10:21.220 --> 00:10:25.540 align:middle line:84% Lydia Murphy Toothaker said, recalling her first night 00:10:25.540 --> 00:10:31.210 align:middle line:84% on the prairie in 1859, "The hush was so loud." 00:10:31.210 --> 00:10:34.270 align:middle line:84% Lillie Marcks was seven when she rode into the grasslands. 00:10:34.270 --> 00:10:36.850 align:middle line:84% As we drove on the prairie, mother and I 00:10:36.850 --> 00:10:38.740 align:middle line:90% could hardly stay in the wagon. 00:10:38.740 --> 00:10:42.250 align:middle line:84% The wildflowers covered the prairies in a riot of colors, 00:10:42.250 --> 00:10:47.190 align:middle line:84% like a beautiful rug, how we longed to gather some. 00:10:47.190 --> 00:10:51.360 align:middle line:84% The Oklahoma prairies that run on all sides of my rented Mazda 00:10:51.360 --> 00:10:54.300 align:middle line:84% partake of the West, where I have lived in Montana 00:10:54.300 --> 00:10:56.460 align:middle line:90% for more than 30 years. 00:10:56.460 --> 00:11:00.720 align:middle line:84% Broad horizons where grass meets sky are Western. 00:11:00.720 --> 00:11:03.300 align:middle line:84% I feel at home in windy, blue spaces. 00:11:03.300 --> 00:11:06.150 align:middle line:84% But this is not the dry, light high plains 00:11:06.150 --> 00:11:09.480 align:middle line:84% of the mountain meadow of my homestead ranch swept 00:11:09.480 --> 00:11:12.780 align:middle line:84% by cool breezes even in the dog days of August. 00:11:12.780 --> 00:11:17.780 align:middle line:84% This is borderland where West begins, 00:11:17.780 --> 00:11:21.830 align:middle line:84% always the hunting grounds of nomads, a grazer's paradise. 00:11:21.830 --> 00:11:26.210 align:middle line:84% The Osage prairies once thronged with bison and elk, antelope, 00:11:26.210 --> 00:11:27.590 align:middle line:90% and prairie chickens. 00:11:27.590 --> 00:11:30.590 align:middle line:84% Now, many Native animals have been hunted out, replaced 00:11:30.590 --> 00:11:32.180 align:middle line:90% with cattle and horses. 00:11:32.180 --> 00:11:35.300 align:middle line:84% I know there are trails in the deep grass made 00:11:35.300 --> 00:11:38.990 align:middle line:84% by Indians, explorers, ranchers, and oilmen. 00:11:38.990 --> 00:11:41.180 align:middle line:84% And if I look closely, I would notice 00:11:41.180 --> 00:11:44.810 align:middle line:84% that the land is littered with decaying signs of their industry 00:11:44.810 --> 00:11:46.730 align:middle line:90% and settlement. 00:11:46.730 --> 00:11:49.400 align:middle line:84% But I am overwhelmed with undulating prairies 00:11:49.400 --> 00:11:51.200 align:middle line:90% that sweep to every horizon. 00:11:51.200 --> 00:11:54.050 align:middle line:84% To my newcomer's eye, the immense landscape 00:11:54.050 --> 00:11:56.390 align:middle line:90% shows few signs of habitation. 00:11:56.390 --> 00:11:59.300 align:middle line:90% I see only grass, oaks, and sky. 00:11:59.300 --> 00:12:03.070 align:middle line:84% The grass swallows every artifact. 00:12:03.070 --> 00:12:06.310 align:middle line:84% Urban civilizations from their origins along the Euphrates 00:12:06.310 --> 00:12:10.750 align:middle line:84% have taken hold around places where agriculture and irrigation 00:12:10.750 --> 00:12:14.080 align:middle line:84% offered stable sources of food or at the crossing 00:12:14.080 --> 00:12:17.890 align:middle line:84% of major trade routes, where the land is so central people can 00:12:17.890 --> 00:12:20.860 align:middle line:84% only travel through it, dig holes into it, 00:12:20.860 --> 00:12:23.800 align:middle line:84% or trail their herds over it, the landscape 00:12:23.800 --> 00:12:26.330 align:middle line:90% remains more or less intact. 00:12:26.330 --> 00:12:29.710 align:middle line:84% This is the prairie, where soil is so thin and rocky it 00:12:29.710 --> 00:12:31.630 align:middle line:90% could not be plowed and farmed. 00:12:31.630 --> 00:12:35.090 align:middle line:84% So this is the prairie that survives. 00:12:35.090 --> 00:12:37.760 align:middle line:84% When I stopped my car along the gravel road, 00:12:37.760 --> 00:12:41.030 align:middle line:84% I catch scents of musk and dust and rotting stems 00:12:41.030 --> 00:12:43.430 align:middle line:90% and electric charge of ozone. 00:12:43.430 --> 00:12:47.450 align:middle line:84% The Oklahoma air is warm, moist, and oppressive. 00:12:47.450 --> 00:12:48.530 align:middle line:90% Southern. 00:12:48.530 --> 00:12:52.010 align:middle line:84% All I see is grass and more grass, nothing but grass, 00:12:52.010 --> 00:12:55.700 align:middle line:84% which, when I step into it, envelops me. 00:12:55.700 --> 00:12:59.090 align:middle line:84% Claustrophobia panics me, and I push the course, 00:12:59.090 --> 00:13:01.400 align:middle line:84% enclosing leaves away from my face. 00:13:01.400 --> 00:13:05.360 align:middle line:84% I cannot anchor myself to the soil at my feet or the wind 00:13:05.360 --> 00:13:09.170 align:middle line:84% at my back through connections of memory or experience. 00:13:09.170 --> 00:13:12.140 align:middle line:90% I feel the sky descending. 00:13:12.140 --> 00:13:16.490 align:middle line:84% In the fall of 1832, just back from a long sojourn in Europe, 00:13:16.490 --> 00:13:19.190 align:middle line:84% Washington Irving set out on an expedition 00:13:19.190 --> 00:13:22.080 align:middle line:84% to see the wild prairie of Indian territory. 00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:24.020 align:middle line:84% He was anxious to reroute himself 00:13:24.020 --> 00:13:25.490 align:middle line:90% in the American experience. 00:13:25.490 --> 00:13:29.240 align:middle line:84% And what could be more American than the Western frontier? 00:13:29.240 --> 00:13:33.110 align:middle line:84% In a tour of the prairies, Irving describes what he saw. 00:13:33.110 --> 00:13:35.670 align:middle line:84% He was standing on land not far from where 00:13:35.670 --> 00:13:38.520 align:middle line:84% I stood, watching the grasses shake their heads 00:13:38.520 --> 00:13:41.520 align:middle line:90% in the rustle before a storm. 00:13:41.520 --> 00:13:44.070 align:middle line:84% "To one unaccustomed to it, there 00:13:44.070 --> 00:13:46.920 align:middle line:84% is something inexpressibly lonely in the solitude 00:13:46.920 --> 00:13:48.870 align:middle line:90% of a prairie," said-- 00:13:48.870 --> 00:13:49.890 align:middle line:90% he said. 00:13:49.890 --> 00:13:53.490 align:middle line:84% "The loneliness of a forest seems nothing to it. 00:13:53.490 --> 00:13:55.740 align:middle line:84% There, the view is shut in by trees, 00:13:55.740 --> 00:13:58.080 align:middle line:84% and the imagination is left free to picture 00:13:58.080 --> 00:14:00.060 align:middle line:90% some livelier scene beyond. 00:14:00.060 --> 00:14:03.030 align:middle line:84% But here, we have an immense extent of landscape 00:14:03.030 --> 00:14:05.130 align:middle line:84% without a sign of human existence. 00:14:05.130 --> 00:14:07.740 align:middle line:84% We have the consciousness of being far, 00:14:07.740 --> 00:14:10.380 align:middle line:84% far beyond the bounds of human habitation. 00:14:10.380 --> 00:14:15.340 align:middle line:84% We feel as if moving in the midst of a desert world." 00:14:15.340 --> 00:14:19.900 align:middle line:84% The green prairies all around me spoke of a fecundity no desert 00:14:19.900 --> 00:14:20.920 align:middle line:90% ever has. 00:14:20.920 --> 00:14:24.250 align:middle line:84% Yet, in an emotional sense, Irving was right. 00:14:24.250 --> 00:14:26.530 align:middle line:84% A land seems desolate if you know 00:14:26.530 --> 00:14:30.340 align:middle line:84% nothing about its geology, botany, and biology, 00:14:30.340 --> 00:14:33.100 align:middle line:90% know no histories or stories. 00:14:33.100 --> 00:14:36.730 align:middle line:84% Even in my ignorance, I knew this place, like every place, 00:14:36.730 --> 00:14:39.550 align:middle line:84% holds a long history of habitation 00:14:39.550 --> 00:14:44.710 align:middle line:84% by birds, insects, small and large mammals, including humans. 00:14:44.710 --> 00:14:47.170 align:middle line:84% That this prairie story is underpinned 00:14:47.170 --> 00:14:50.050 align:middle line:84% by the tall grasses and flowering plants, 00:14:50.050 --> 00:14:52.810 align:middle line:90% the roots beneath my feet. 00:14:52.810 --> 00:14:56.320 align:middle line:84% If I could become familiar with the prairie I stood upon, 00:14:56.320 --> 00:15:00.340 align:middle line:84% the meadows and gullies, dark peninsulas of post oaks 00:15:00.340 --> 00:15:02.650 align:middle line:84% and blackjack oaks, the trickle of 00:15:02.650 --> 00:15:05.230 align:middle line:84% streams over outcropped limestone, 00:15:05.230 --> 00:15:07.390 align:middle line:90% I would not be lonely. 00:15:07.390 --> 00:15:11.800 align:middle line:84% The red-tailed hawk riding air currents is not lonely, 00:15:11.800 --> 00:15:14.830 align:middle line:84% nor the spider spinning its gossamer. 00:15:14.830 --> 00:15:19.090 align:middle line:84% To know the stories of this place, I must begin with grass. 00:15:19.090 --> 00:15:22.900 align:middle line:84% To understand grass, I will have to descend to its roots 00:15:22.900 --> 00:15:25.660 align:middle line:84% and beneath roots to soil and bedrock. 00:15:25.660 --> 00:15:29.260 align:middle line:90% First, as always, is the sky. 00:15:29.260 --> 00:15:32.920 align:middle line:84% "I believe a leaf of grass is no less than the journey-work 00:15:32.920 --> 00:15:33.970 align:middle line:90% of the stars." 00:15:33.970 --> 00:15:38.200 align:middle line:84% wrote Walt Whitman, America's great poet of grass. 00:15:38.200 --> 00:15:40.810 align:middle line:84% The evolution of the Tallgrass Prairie 00:15:40.810 --> 00:15:43.840 align:middle line:84% may be thought of as beginning in stars, 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:48.340 align:middle line:84% in the forces that created the landforms of our continent." 00:15:48.340 --> 00:15:52.510 align:middle line:84% And then I go on into geology and history, 00:15:52.510 --> 00:15:57.160 align:middle line:84% and the horrible history of what happened to the Osage Indians 00:15:57.160 --> 00:16:00.880 align:middle line:84% and to the other Indians of Oklahoma and the oil. 00:16:00.880 --> 00:16:05.050 align:middle line:84% And now we finally kind of a rebirth, a coming 00:16:05.050 --> 00:16:07.990 align:middle line:84% back to the land, coming back to appreciate 00:16:07.990 --> 00:16:13.510 align:middle line:84% what nature had put there in the first place, which brings me 00:16:13.510 --> 00:16:17.140 align:middle line:90% to my next selection. 00:16:17.140 --> 00:16:22.090 align:middle line:84% I live on the Blackfoot River in Western Montana as most of you 00:16:22.090 --> 00:16:26.770 align:middle line:84% know from what I wrote there and from my movies I 00:16:26.770 --> 00:16:28.810 align:middle line:90% worked on and so on. 00:16:28.810 --> 00:16:32.710 align:middle line:84% And that river has been in danger lately. 00:16:32.710 --> 00:16:36.190 align:middle line:84% First, one of your companies, Phelps Dodge, 00:16:36.190 --> 00:16:38.710 align:middle line:84% decided that it would come and join 00:16:38.710 --> 00:16:42.130 align:middle line:84% with a much smaller Colorado company called Canyon Resources 00:16:42.130 --> 00:16:45.610 align:middle line:84% and build a gigantic heap leach gold 00:16:45.610 --> 00:16:48.400 align:middle line:84% mine at the headwaters of the Blackfoot River. 00:16:48.400 --> 00:16:50.920 align:middle line:90% By gigantic, I mean gigantic. 00:16:50.920 --> 00:16:55.330 align:middle line:84% It would have a pit larger than the famous pit in Butte 00:16:55.330 --> 00:16:58.600 align:middle line:84% where they've been mining copper for 100 years. 00:16:58.600 --> 00:17:02.590 align:middle line:84% It would pile 200ft of waste rock 00:17:02.590 --> 00:17:07.060 align:middle line:84% up along a mile along the Blackfoot, 200ft high. 00:17:07.060 --> 00:17:09.369 align:middle line:84% This was major industrial development 00:17:09.369 --> 00:17:12.339 align:middle line:84% in a place that is pristine right now. 00:17:12.339 --> 00:17:16.500 align:middle line:84% Nothing there but a few ranchers, herds of elk, so on. 00:17:16.500 --> 00:17:21.020 align:middle line:84% So a lot of people have been very alarmed by this, put up 00:17:21.020 --> 00:17:27.369 align:middle line:84% a lot of noisy screeching and hollering, and anything 00:17:27.369 --> 00:17:30.580 align:middle line:84% we could do through environmental organizations 00:17:30.580 --> 00:17:32.200 align:middle line:90% to try and stop them. 00:17:32.200 --> 00:17:35.200 align:middle line:84% There was, in fact, a clean water initiative 00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:40.030 align:middle line:90% that was put up for a vote. 00:17:40.030 --> 00:17:42.640 align:middle line:84% And it was overwhelmingly popular 00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:45.790 align:middle line:84% until the mining lobbies and the Chamber of Commerce, 00:17:45.790 --> 00:17:48.790 align:middle line:84% and the moneyed corporate interests in the state 00:17:48.790 --> 00:17:52.060 align:middle line:84% extractive interests got together and spent 00:17:52.060 --> 00:17:54.490 align:middle line:84% a lot of money on a big media campaign that 00:17:54.490 --> 00:17:55.900 align:middle line:90% got everyone confused. 00:17:55.900 --> 00:17:58.930 align:middle line:84% And so that vote lost by a narrow margin, 00:17:58.930 --> 00:18:02.470 align:middle line:84% and plans were going ahead to develop this mine. 00:18:02.470 --> 00:18:04.180 align:middle line:90% Phelps Dodge dropped out. 00:18:04.180 --> 00:18:05.650 align:middle line:90% Gold prices are low. 00:18:05.650 --> 00:18:09.760 align:middle line:84% Public opinion was pretty hot on this issue. 00:18:09.760 --> 00:18:13.470 align:middle line:90% But the other company kept on. 00:18:13.470 --> 00:18:17.630 align:middle line:84% So I was right in the midst of this, and so was Bill. 00:18:17.630 --> 00:18:21.170 align:middle line:84% And I was trying to think, what can I, as a writer, 00:18:21.170 --> 00:18:24.320 align:middle line:84% do that will help to save my river that I write about all 00:18:24.320 --> 00:18:26.780 align:middle line:84% the time that has been this inspiration? 00:18:26.780 --> 00:18:33.420 align:middle line:84% So I got a small grant, $8,000, from an anonymous donor. 00:18:33.420 --> 00:18:36.380 align:middle line:84% And I called and wrote all the writers 00:18:36.380 --> 00:18:40.730 align:middle line:84% I knew in Montana and some I didn't know 00:18:40.730 --> 00:18:46.160 align:middle line:84% and got 47 people to write short pieces for a little book 00:18:46.160 --> 00:18:49.700 align:middle line:84% that we called Headwaters, with a cover 00:18:49.700 --> 00:18:53.450 align:middle line:84% by Russell Chatham, a very well-known Montana artist. 00:18:53.450 --> 00:18:59.060 align:middle line:84% And we printed 6,000 copies of this little book 00:18:59.060 --> 00:19:03.290 align:middle line:84% and gave them away free to people 00:19:03.290 --> 00:19:06.350 align:middle line:84% up and down the Blackfoot Valley and to the state legislature. 00:19:06.350 --> 00:19:10.100 align:middle line:84% And I have to tell you a wee story about that. 00:19:10.100 --> 00:19:12.980 align:middle line:84% These are pretty innocuous pieces, most of them little 00:19:12.980 --> 00:19:14.720 align:middle line:84% stories about people's connection 00:19:14.720 --> 00:19:16.760 align:middle line:90% to land and wild rivers. 00:19:16.760 --> 00:19:19.400 align:middle line:84% And there was one that's a short story by somebody who 00:19:19.400 --> 00:19:22.820 align:middle line:84% was a graduate student here in this program, Kevin Canty, who's 00:19:22.820 --> 00:19:26.280 align:middle line:84% teaching creative writing program in Montana right now. 00:19:26.280 --> 00:19:30.560 align:middle line:84% And so Kevin wrote a little story about a man and a woman 00:19:30.560 --> 00:19:32.510 align:middle line:84% going down the Blackfoot after having 00:19:32.510 --> 00:19:34.760 align:middle line:84% been to the wedding of a mutual friend of theirs 00:19:34.760 --> 00:19:37.230 align:middle line:84% who had been a mutual lover of theirs. 00:19:37.230 --> 00:19:44.240 align:middle line:84% And so the story has got some words that are not kosher. 00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:49.640 align:middle line:84% In fact, two bad words on one page, page 17. 00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:50.780 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHS] 00:19:50.780 --> 00:19:54.840 align:middle line:84% And this book was passed around to the state legislature, 00:19:54.840 --> 00:19:56.880 align:middle line:84% and it was sitting on their desks. 00:19:56.880 --> 00:19:59.730 align:middle line:84% And one legislator actually opened the book 00:19:59.730 --> 00:20:02.220 align:middle line:84% and started to read it from front to back. 00:20:02.220 --> 00:20:06.930 align:middle line:84% And he got to page 17 and was shocked out of his pants. 00:20:06.930 --> 00:20:10.920 align:middle line:84% And so he scrawled to the Speaker of the House, 00:20:10.920 --> 00:20:14.850 align:middle line:84% who was extremely conservative Republican. 00:20:14.850 --> 00:20:18.420 align:middle line:84% And the Speaker confiscated all the books 00:20:18.420 --> 00:20:22.933 align:middle line:84% and had them under lock and key with the Sergeant at Arms, 00:20:22.933 --> 00:20:25.350 align:middle line:84% so that if you wanted to-- if you were a legislator wanted 00:20:25.350 --> 00:20:28.200 align:middle line:84% to get your book back, you had to go to the Sergeant of Arms 00:20:28.200 --> 00:20:29.910 align:middle line:90% and ask. 00:20:29.910 --> 00:20:33.240 align:middle line:90% So Bill and I were wintering-- 00:20:33.240 --> 00:20:35.310 align:middle line:84% we were in Santa Barbara, I remember, 00:20:35.310 --> 00:20:37.680 align:middle line:84% and I got a call at 8:00 in the morning, 00:20:37.680 --> 00:20:43.110 align:middle line:84% and it was the stringer for the AP in Helena. 00:20:43.110 --> 00:20:46.450 align:middle line:84% And he said, what do you think of them confiscating your books? 00:20:46.450 --> 00:20:47.970 align:middle line:90% And I said, what? 00:20:47.970 --> 00:20:49.890 align:middle line:84% Because I didn't know anything about this. 00:20:49.890 --> 00:20:52.440 align:middle line:84% And it became kind of a cause celebre. 00:20:52.440 --> 00:20:56.310 align:middle line:84% People wrote articles and letters to the editor, 00:20:56.310 --> 00:20:58.740 align:middle line:84% and they were interview shows on public radio. 00:20:58.740 --> 00:21:01.650 align:middle line:84% And suddenly, this book was hot news, 00:21:01.650 --> 00:21:05.250 align:middle line:84% and everybody wanted one because any print 00:21:05.250 --> 00:21:08.835 align:middle line:90% is better than no print. 00:21:08.835 --> 00:21:12.090 align:middle line:90% And so that was a vindication. 00:21:12.090 --> 00:21:14.020 align:middle line:84% We got rid of a whole lot of books. 00:21:14.020 --> 00:21:17.910 align:middle line:84% And then, a month later, Kevin, who had never published 00:21:17.910 --> 00:21:20.520 align:middle line:84% anything in The New Yorker, although he had sent them 00:21:20.520 --> 00:21:24.270 align:middle line:84% stories several times, his agent sent them this story, 00:21:24.270 --> 00:21:26.520 align:middle line:84% and it was published in The New Yorker, 00:21:26.520 --> 00:21:29.145 align:middle line:90% complete with the bad words. 00:21:29.145 --> 00:21:30.540 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:21:30.540 --> 00:21:32.280 align:middle line:90% So that's the story. 00:21:32.280 --> 00:21:33.000 align:middle line:90% This is his book. 00:21:33.000 --> 00:21:35.340 align:middle line:84% If anyone wants to see it later on afterwards, 00:21:35.340 --> 00:21:37.342 align:middle line:90% I'd be glad to show it to you. 00:21:37.342 --> 00:21:38.800 align:middle line:84% I am going to read the piece that I 00:21:38.800 --> 00:21:42.600 align:middle line:90% wrote for it, which is called-- 00:21:42.600 --> 00:21:45.310 align:middle line:90% excuse me. 00:21:45.310 --> 00:21:48.560 align:middle line:90% Sink or Swim. 00:21:48.560 --> 00:21:49.850 align:middle line:90% "Indian summer. 00:21:49.850 --> 00:21:53.060 align:middle line:84% Montana rivers, you get the picture. 00:21:53.060 --> 00:21:56.000 align:middle line:84% Sky blue waters gurgling with trout, 00:21:56.000 --> 00:22:00.440 align:middle line:84% freckled cottonwood leaves like a yellow flotilla, kingfishers, 00:22:00.440 --> 00:22:03.620 align:middle line:84% rose hips, purple asters, for me, 00:22:03.620 --> 00:22:07.070 align:middle line:84% eye-popping, soul-singing joy if that river 00:22:07.070 --> 00:22:11.780 align:middle line:84% is the big Blackfoot a few miles upstream from my house. 00:22:11.780 --> 00:22:14.570 align:middle line:84% By late afternoon on such a day, the river 00:22:14.570 --> 00:22:18.860 align:middle line:84% calls to me, a cathedral bell ringing, promising glory. 00:22:18.860 --> 00:22:23.450 align:middle line:84% The air is dry, hot, and blue, and the topsoil along the bluff 00:22:23.450 --> 00:22:25.280 align:middle line:90% is fluffy as powder. 00:22:25.280 --> 00:22:28.940 align:middle line:84% As I walk my dogs up the Blackfoot from Whitaker Bridge, 00:22:28.940 --> 00:22:33.200 align:middle line:84% I turn my eyes from logged-off hills to the cleft green gorge 00:22:33.200 --> 00:22:36.980 align:middle line:84% where the snake of bright water unwinds. 00:22:36.980 --> 00:22:39.680 align:middle line:84% I'm walking under Ponderosa pines, 00:22:39.680 --> 00:22:43.430 align:middle line:84% trailing along reddish columns of picture puzzle bark. 00:22:43.430 --> 00:22:45.710 align:middle line:84% The river is splattered with yellow light, 00:22:45.710 --> 00:22:47.720 align:middle line:90% but the water runs green. 00:22:47.720 --> 00:22:51.050 align:middle line:84% The big Blackfoot is green as the scent of rain, 00:22:51.050 --> 00:22:54.710 align:middle line:84% green as frogs and moss and evergreen trees. 00:22:54.710 --> 00:22:57.140 align:middle line:84% I crush pine needles under my feet, 00:22:57.140 --> 00:23:00.830 align:middle line:84% and their perfume mingles with a sharp odor of cottonwood sap 00:23:00.830 --> 00:23:05.210 align:middle line:84% and the trout scent of water over stones, large shower 00:23:05.210 --> 00:23:07.610 align:middle line:90% needles of gold on my head. 00:23:07.610 --> 00:23:09.710 align:middle line:90% These are the days of gold. 00:23:09.710 --> 00:23:12.630 align:middle line:84% I will dream of-- dream of them during winter nights, 00:23:12.630 --> 00:23:16.800 align:middle line:84% the cold that may pounce perhaps tomorrow like a cougar 00:23:16.800 --> 00:23:19.590 align:middle line:90% from the self-same forest. 00:23:19.590 --> 00:23:23.850 align:middle line:84% Betty Boop, my big-eyed shepherd dog, and little Red, part chow, 00:23:23.850 --> 00:23:25.830 align:middle line:84% part golden retriever, race ahead 00:23:25.830 --> 00:23:27.990 align:middle line:90% on the trail of a squirrel. 00:23:27.990 --> 00:23:29.670 align:middle line:90% Summer tourists are gone. 00:23:29.670 --> 00:23:31.950 align:middle line:84% Only one Jeep in the parking area. 00:23:31.950 --> 00:23:36.150 align:middle line:84% We head for a sandy beach that cuddles between arms of stone 00:23:36.150 --> 00:23:43.220 align:middle line:84% across from a great crack tower of red rock, the rose-pink slabs 00:23:43.220 --> 00:23:46.950 align:middle line:84% like a Moorish castle above a tree-shaded pool. 00:23:46.950 --> 00:23:48.300 align:middle line:90% I am sweating. 00:23:48.300 --> 00:23:50.160 align:middle line:90% The pool is inviting. 00:23:50.160 --> 00:23:53.160 align:middle line:84% I decide to take the last plunge of summer. 00:23:53.160 --> 00:23:55.860 align:middle line:84% But there on my beach, stretched out 00:23:55.860 --> 00:24:01.190 align:middle line:84% like a walrus in an aluminum lounge, is a huge, naked man. 00:24:01.190 --> 00:24:04.190 align:middle line:84% He basks in rays of the sinking sun, 00:24:04.190 --> 00:24:09.290 align:middle line:84% and as my dog sniffs at his toes, he raises a listless hand, 00:24:09.290 --> 00:24:13.020 align:middle line:90% turns his head toward me, waves. 00:24:13.020 --> 00:24:16.200 align:middle line:84% I call my dogs and flee, moving quickly 00:24:16.200 --> 00:24:20.040 align:middle line:84% through patches of poison ivy, invasive as the nudist. 00:24:20.040 --> 00:24:23.550 align:middle line:84% I climb over a rocky headland descend a fisherman's trail 00:24:23.550 --> 00:24:26.580 align:middle line:84% to a peninsula of silver-tossed willows. 00:24:26.580 --> 00:24:29.040 align:middle line:84% Betty and Red rush into the willows. 00:24:29.040 --> 00:24:30.540 align:middle line:90% There is a thrashing noise. 00:24:30.540 --> 00:24:33.840 align:middle line:84% A white-tailed buck leaps from the brush and into the river. 00:24:33.840 --> 00:24:37.620 align:middle line:84% I watch him swim into the dappled current, head high, 00:24:37.620 --> 00:24:39.660 align:middle line:90% antlers gilded with sunlight. 00:24:39.660 --> 00:24:43.530 align:middle line:84% I laugh with delight at the pure, surprising beauty. 00:24:43.530 --> 00:24:46.230 align:middle line:90% An osprey dives from the sky. 00:24:46.230 --> 00:24:48.450 align:middle line:84% His bark, they are barking at a raft 00:24:48.450 --> 00:24:51.090 align:middle line:84% with four people that is bobbing toward us 00:24:51.090 --> 00:24:52.560 align:middle line:90% from a bend in the river. 00:24:52.560 --> 00:24:57.210 align:middle line:84% Fishing lines extend on each side like glowing cobwebs. 00:24:57.210 --> 00:24:58.170 align:middle line:90% "How's it going?" 00:24:58.170 --> 00:24:58.950 align:middle line:90% I shout. 00:24:58.950 --> 00:25:00.780 align:middle line:90% "Pretty good," says one fellow. 00:25:00.780 --> 00:25:02.760 align:middle line:90% Gorgeous day, says a girl. 00:25:02.760 --> 00:25:03.810 align:middle line:90% "Anyone upstream?" 00:25:03.810 --> 00:25:04.620 align:middle line:90% I ask. 00:25:04.620 --> 00:25:06.900 align:middle line:90% "No, I think we're the last." 00:25:06.900 --> 00:25:09.390 align:middle line:84% Good, I think, for I know there's another swimming 00:25:09.390 --> 00:25:10.980 align:middle line:90% hole just ahead. 00:25:10.980 --> 00:25:12.960 align:middle line:90% My bank lies in shadows. 00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:15.570 align:middle line:84% But on the opposite shore, a huge rock stack 00:25:15.570 --> 00:25:18.180 align:middle line:84% catches the light, its striated face 00:25:18.180 --> 00:25:21.180 align:middle line:84% patterned chartreuse and orange with lichens. 00:25:21.180 --> 00:25:23.700 align:middle line:84% At its feet is a sunny, graveled beach. 00:25:23.700 --> 00:25:27.420 align:middle line:84% This will be my perfect private island. 00:25:27.420 --> 00:25:31.290 align:middle line:84% When the raft is out of sight, I strip off my shorts and t-shirt, 00:25:31.290 --> 00:25:33.930 align:middle line:84% leaving on my underpants and Tevas, 00:25:33.930 --> 00:25:37.080 align:middle line:84% and begin to ford the river ankle deep. 00:25:37.080 --> 00:25:40.470 align:middle line:84% The water is not too cold, but as I wade to my thighs, 00:25:40.470 --> 00:25:41.760 align:middle line:90% it turns icy. 00:25:41.760 --> 00:25:43.410 align:middle line:90% I catch my breath. 00:25:43.410 --> 00:25:45.070 align:middle line:90% This is foolish. 00:25:45.070 --> 00:25:46.080 align:middle line:90% I should turn back. 00:25:46.080 --> 00:25:47.460 align:middle line:90% But I plunge in. 00:25:47.460 --> 00:25:48.780 align:middle line:90% I am a strong swimmer. 00:25:48.780 --> 00:25:53.010 align:middle line:84% I have swum this river many days, but never in October, 00:25:53.010 --> 00:25:57.750 align:middle line:90% never so alone, never at 60. 00:25:57.750 --> 00:26:00.270 align:middle line:84% The current is stronger than it looks. 00:26:00.270 --> 00:26:04.920 align:middle line:84% I kick hard, turn my arms like windmills until I find myself 00:26:04.920 --> 00:26:06.460 align:middle line:90% in slower water. 00:26:06.460 --> 00:26:09.930 align:middle line:84% I crawl over slick stones, aqua, maroon green, 00:26:09.930 --> 00:26:11.880 align:middle line:90% shivering towards shore. 00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:14.940 align:middle line:84% Although the sun still hits the great lichened rock, 00:26:14.940 --> 00:26:18.630 align:middle line:84% and the pebbled beach holds the day's heat, I am cold, 00:26:18.630 --> 00:26:22.830 align:middle line:84% exposed, a half-naked 60-year-old crazy woman 00:26:22.830 --> 00:26:27.180 align:middle line:84% clutching her arms around her flabby stomach, her breasts. 00:26:27.180 --> 00:26:28.710 align:middle line:90% My dogs have followed. 00:26:28.710 --> 00:26:33.040 align:middle line:84% They spray me with water, wag their tails. 00:26:33.040 --> 00:26:35.500 align:middle line:84% Going back, I'll be smarter, I think. 00:26:35.500 --> 00:26:38.800 align:middle line:84% I will make my way upstream, then let the current carry me 00:26:38.800 --> 00:26:42.910 align:middle line:84% to the home, ashore, to my dry clothes, to safety and warmth. 00:26:42.910 --> 00:26:46.240 align:middle line:84% But I've forgotten that the river is low. 00:26:46.240 --> 00:26:49.780 align:middle line:84% Slime-covered stones extend far into shallow water 00:26:49.780 --> 00:26:51.550 align:middle line:90% before the current takes over. 00:26:51.550 --> 00:26:53.920 align:middle line:84% I'm going crabwise again, and when 00:26:53.920 --> 00:26:55.720 align:middle line:84% I reach the deep running water, it 00:26:55.720 --> 00:26:58.450 align:middle line:84% doesn't ride me homeward but curves downriver 00:26:58.450 --> 00:27:02.330 align:middle line:84% to the pool where I started my upstream journey. 00:27:02.330 --> 00:27:04.970 align:middle line:84% I'm wounded before I get halfway across. 00:27:04.970 --> 00:27:07.730 align:middle line:84% I kick and stroke, kick and stroke. 00:27:07.730 --> 00:27:09.830 align:middle line:90% It seems I'm going nowhere. 00:27:09.830 --> 00:27:12.860 align:middle line:84% My breath comes in gasps, and the quickened 00:27:12.860 --> 00:27:15.500 align:middle line:84% beat of my heart pounds in my ears. 00:27:15.500 --> 00:27:18.950 align:middle line:84% Fear finds me now, not fear of drowning, 00:27:18.950 --> 00:27:21.560 align:middle line:84% but fear that my strength will fail. 00:27:21.560 --> 00:27:25.220 align:middle line:84% I will be vulnerable as a leaf at the mercy of the river. 00:27:25.220 --> 00:27:27.860 align:middle line:90% Pull harder, I instruct my arms. 00:27:27.860 --> 00:27:30.110 align:middle line:90% My arms obey. 00:27:30.110 --> 00:27:32.270 align:middle line:84% Eventually, I break through the current. 00:27:32.270 --> 00:27:34.070 align:middle line:90% Goosebumps all over. 00:27:34.070 --> 00:27:36.770 align:middle line:84% My long white hair plasters my face. 00:27:36.770 --> 00:27:39.620 align:middle line:84% Water drips from my eyes like tears. 00:27:39.620 --> 00:27:43.280 align:middle line:84% I stumble toward my clothes, the dogs frolicking and nosing 00:27:43.280 --> 00:27:44.690 align:middle line:90% at my weak knees. 00:27:44.690 --> 00:27:47.990 align:middle line:84% Even dressed and standing in a patch of sun, 00:27:47.990 --> 00:27:51.500 align:middle line:84% I tremble with a knowledge of mortality. 00:27:51.500 --> 00:27:55.310 align:middle line:84% I am older and weaker than the person I am and was, 00:27:55.310 --> 00:27:56.960 align:middle line:90% cold to the bone. 00:27:56.960 --> 00:27:59.000 align:middle line:90% Get moving, I tell myself. 00:27:59.000 --> 00:28:00.740 align:middle line:90% Get your blood running. 00:28:00.740 --> 00:28:04.830 align:middle line:84% I start walking upriver on a piney ledge toward Belmont 00:28:04.830 --> 00:28:05.490 align:middle line:90% Creek. 00:28:05.490 --> 00:28:06.720 align:middle line:90% My head aches. 00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:08.290 align:middle line:90% My feet drag. 00:28:08.290 --> 00:28:12.150 align:middle line:84% It will take half an hour before I feel halfway normal. 00:28:12.150 --> 00:28:16.350 align:middle line:84% A mile ahead, I can see a jumble of sticks on a tall snag. 00:28:16.350 --> 00:28:19.560 align:middle line:84% The bald eagle eyrie on goose flats. 00:28:19.560 --> 00:28:23.370 align:middle line:84% A white-headed giant screams at me as he glides from his perch. 00:28:23.370 --> 00:28:28.430 align:middle line:84% I want to scream back, hey, you, I'm still alive, too. 00:28:28.430 --> 00:28:32.450 align:middle line:84% Here is what I learned from that Indian summer swim. 00:28:32.450 --> 00:28:36.260 align:middle line:84% Take no chances when you are dealing with a river. 00:28:36.260 --> 00:28:37.520 align:middle line:90% Stay humble. 00:28:37.520 --> 00:28:39.710 align:middle line:90% Be prepared for the unexpected. 00:28:39.710 --> 00:28:42.890 align:middle line:84% Don't try to buck the current alone. 00:28:42.890 --> 00:28:45.800 align:middle line:84% The river is wider than it seems. 00:28:45.800 --> 00:28:46.970 align:middle line:90% Respect it. 00:28:46.970 --> 00:28:49.610 align:middle line:84% Then, both you and the clear running waters 00:28:49.610 --> 00:28:52.430 align:middle line:84% will live another day to take care of the families that 00:28:52.430 --> 00:28:53.870 align:middle line:90% depend on you. 00:28:53.870 --> 00:28:57.530 align:middle line:84% Death waits amidst slime-colored stones. 00:28:57.530 --> 00:28:59.405 align:middle line:90% Even a river is mortal." 00:28:59.405 --> 00:29:03.800 align:middle line:90% 00:29:03.800 --> 00:29:04.550 align:middle line:90% Okey doke. 00:29:04.550 --> 00:29:11.370 align:middle line:90% 00:29:11.370 --> 00:29:12.660 align:middle line:90% One more plunge. 00:29:12.660 --> 00:29:13.440 align:middle line:90% Do we have time? 00:29:13.440 --> 00:29:15.790 align:middle line:90% What time is it? 00:29:15.790 --> 00:29:16.470 align:middle line:90% We have time? 00:29:16.470 --> 00:29:19.670 align:middle line:90% 00:29:19.670 --> 00:29:20.390 align:middle line:90% We have time. 00:29:20.390 --> 00:29:23.470 align:middle line:90% 00:29:23.470 --> 00:29:28.270 align:middle line:84% When we were in Peru, Bill and I were really 00:29:28.270 --> 00:29:34.690 align:middle line:84% impressed with the Quechua religion-- 00:29:34.690 --> 00:29:37.300 align:middle line:84% with the culture that preceded the Incas 00:29:37.300 --> 00:29:38.830 align:middle line:90% and extended into the Incas. 00:29:38.830 --> 00:29:42.520 align:middle line:84% The Incas were very short, only a couple years, 00:29:42.520 --> 00:29:49.000 align:middle line:84% but they were long, long years of cultures before the Incas 00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:52.990 align:middle line:84% that the Incas kind of incorporated into their own. 00:29:52.990 --> 00:29:59.290 align:middle line:84% And we went up to Machu Picchu, and it is more 00:29:59.290 --> 00:30:03.010 align:middle line:90% fabulous than any postcard. 00:30:03.010 --> 00:30:06.370 align:middle line:84% And even though it's a major tourist destination, 00:30:06.370 --> 00:30:08.620 align:middle line:84% it is one of the great places of the world. 00:30:08.620 --> 00:30:12.830 align:middle line:84% If you want to see a place which is a perfectly designed, 00:30:12.830 --> 00:30:18.340 align:middle line:84% a place to live that combines the spiritual and earthly 00:30:18.340 --> 00:30:21.970 align:middle line:84% pleasures, I couldn't think of one more beautiful 00:30:21.970 --> 00:30:25.540 align:middle line:90% than Machu Picchu. 00:30:25.540 --> 00:30:30.190 align:middle line:84% Of course, when the Chilean poet Pablo Neruda went up there, 00:30:30.190 --> 00:30:33.340 align:middle line:84% he felt odd also, and he began to think 00:30:33.340 --> 00:30:35.680 align:middle line:84% about how each one of those stones 00:30:35.680 --> 00:30:38.980 align:middle line:84% had gotten to where it was and how 00:30:38.980 --> 00:30:43.675 align:middle line:84% we build our cities on the backs of the people who work. 00:30:43.675 --> 00:30:46.870 align:middle line:90% 00:30:46.870 --> 00:30:52.690 align:middle line:84% He wrote a very famous poem out of that called "Machu Picchu." 00:30:52.690 --> 00:30:57.340 align:middle line:84% One of the things that most impressed me was our guide. 00:30:57.340 --> 00:31:02.700 align:middle line:84% We went to several different ruins and historic places 00:31:02.700 --> 00:31:04.110 align:middle line:90% and had [INAUDIBLE] guides. 00:31:04.110 --> 00:31:13.160 align:middle line:84% And these are young people, sometimes not quite so young. 00:31:13.160 --> 00:31:16.930 align:middle line:84% But there are people who came many times 00:31:16.930 --> 00:31:21.010 align:middle line:84% from the country, countryside, campesinos. 00:31:21.010 --> 00:31:26.740 align:middle line:84% And they believe still, I think, in the Quechua religion. 00:31:26.740 --> 00:31:29.830 align:middle line:84% Oftentimes it's combined with Catholicism, 00:31:29.830 --> 00:31:32.080 align:middle line:90% but it's pretty Quechua. 00:31:32.080 --> 00:31:39.400 align:middle line:84% And you will see three steps often in sacred places 00:31:39.400 --> 00:31:40.900 align:middle line:90% in the Inca ruins. 00:31:40.900 --> 00:31:47.650 align:middle line:84% And the three steps represent three important forces 00:31:47.650 --> 00:31:52.060 align:middle line:84% that make up the universe for these people 00:31:52.060 --> 00:31:56.350 align:middle line:84% and are embodied in snake, puma, and condor. 00:31:56.350 --> 00:32:01.480 align:middle line:84% Snake being the symbol of the underworld, 00:32:01.480 --> 00:32:06.910 align:middle line:84% the backbone of the world, the repository of wisdom, 00:32:06.910 --> 00:32:11.530 align:middle line:84% and knowledge, two different things, wisdom and knowledge. 00:32:11.530 --> 00:32:17.680 align:middle line:84% The puma being the face of the world, the present time, 00:32:17.680 --> 00:32:23.500 align:middle line:84% the level ground that we're on and representing power-- 00:32:23.500 --> 00:32:29.200 align:middle line:84% and finally, the condor being the spirit, 00:32:29.200 --> 00:32:36.190 align:middle line:84% the spiritual part of the world, the above symbol, the bearer 00:32:36.190 --> 00:32:38.810 align:middle line:90% of peace and freedom. 00:32:38.810 --> 00:32:43.520 align:middle line:84% And these really made sense to me. 00:32:43.520 --> 00:32:46.595 align:middle line:84% And I think I'm going to become a Quechua. 00:32:46.595 --> 00:32:52.107 align:middle line:90% 00:32:52.107 --> 00:32:54.190 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read you the last little piece, which 00:32:54.190 --> 00:32:58.630 align:middle line:84% is an essay I wrote about the Grand Canyon, which to me is 00:32:58.630 --> 00:33:02.110 align:middle line:84% the snake part of the world, the bottom part of the world, where 00:33:02.110 --> 00:33:11.120 align:middle line:84% knowledge and freedom reside, but not at no cost. 00:33:11.120 --> 00:33:15.760 align:middle line:84% This is called-- it's in a book called Writing Down the River. 00:33:15.760 --> 00:33:19.630 align:middle line:84% I think, 13 women writers were given 00:33:19.630 --> 00:33:22.900 align:middle line:84% trips down-- separate trips down the Grand Canyon 00:33:22.900 --> 00:33:25.660 align:middle line:84% and asked to write about very short pieces about them. 00:33:25.660 --> 00:33:29.200 align:middle line:84% And I was one of the lucky ones that was asked. 00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:32.860 align:middle line:84% This is called Falling into the Canyon. 00:33:32.860 --> 00:33:36.910 align:middle line:84% "It is the end of September, and for the second time in my 61 00:33:36.910 --> 00:33:40.540 align:middle line:84% years--" I keep getting older as you can see. 00:33:40.540 --> 00:33:44.110 align:middle line:84% The next one is going to be a 63-year-old one. 00:33:44.110 --> 00:33:47.290 align:middle line:84% "I'm falling into the Grand Canyon. 00:33:47.290 --> 00:33:50.170 align:middle line:84% The first voyage was in May of '94. 00:33:50.170 --> 00:33:54.610 align:middle line:84% Friends and lovers platooned on a large black motorized raft. 00:33:54.610 --> 00:33:58.210 align:middle line:84% "The Colorado carried us down through amber, sienna, 00:33:58.210 --> 00:34:02.560 align:middle line:84% rose-colored layers of rock, a descent vivid and unreal 00:34:02.560 --> 00:34:04.000 align:middle line:90% as a dream. 00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:07.390 align:middle line:84% We fell into time and found bedrock, 00:34:07.390 --> 00:34:10.190 align:middle line:84% the schist called Vishnu, glowing 00:34:10.190 --> 00:34:13.400 align:middle line:84% silver-black sculpted butter older than life, 00:34:13.400 --> 00:34:15.290 align:middle line:90% 2 billion years old. 00:34:15.290 --> 00:34:20.960 align:middle line:84% I remember the thrill of canyon wrens, a distant roar of rapids. 00:34:20.960 --> 00:34:24.830 align:middle line:84% This morning, as the Canyon exploration's bus winds 00:34:24.830 --> 00:34:27.469 align:middle line:84% into the Earth crack called Marble Canyon, 00:34:27.469 --> 00:34:32.600 align:middle line:84% I feel like crying out, hey, dream, here I come again alone, 00:34:32.600 --> 00:34:34.550 align:middle line:90% no love for anchor. 00:34:34.550 --> 00:34:39.920 align:middle line:84% Flame-striped mesas tower over me, and at my feet is the chasm. 00:34:39.920 --> 00:34:42.440 align:middle line:84% We are dropping through Earth's crust 00:34:42.440 --> 00:34:45.679 align:middle line:84% toward a path which will be water. 00:34:45.679 --> 00:34:49.219 align:middle line:84% To my delight, I discover that three of our guides are women. 00:34:49.219 --> 00:34:53.179 align:middle line:84% Nicole, a green-eyed Italian whose icon is mermaid, 00:34:53.179 --> 00:34:56.900 align:middle line:84% and Laura, who reads Mary Oliver's poems to us and looks 00:34:56.900 --> 00:35:00.710 align:middle line:84% like a model, and blonde Megan, the daredevil who runs up 00:35:00.710 --> 00:35:01.730 align:middle line:90% mountains-- 00:35:01.730 --> 00:35:04.670 align:middle line:84% Larry, a veteran of the Colorado will be our leader, 00:35:04.670 --> 00:35:09.470 align:middle line:84% and a wry artist named Sam will be the oarsman, riding sweep. 00:35:09.470 --> 00:35:11.480 align:middle line:84% Pulled up at the landing at Lee's Ferry, 00:35:11.480 --> 00:35:13.400 align:middle line:84% our four yellow ore-powered rafts 00:35:13.400 --> 00:35:16.430 align:middle line:84% loaded with gear and a 16-foot paddle raft. 00:35:16.430 --> 00:35:19.620 align:middle line:84% This is the last day motorized boats can put in, 00:35:19.620 --> 00:35:23.060 align:middle line:84% so there will be no gas fumes, no stutter of engines to break 00:35:23.060 --> 00:35:24.830 align:middle line:90% the illusion of wildness. 00:35:24.830 --> 00:35:28.850 align:middle line:84% We smear sunblock on our noses, adjust our not-quite-broken-in 00:35:28.850 --> 00:35:29.930 align:middle line:90% river sandals. 00:35:29.930 --> 00:35:33.530 align:middle line:84% It's a motley group, not the well-heeled rich but working 00:35:33.530 --> 00:35:38.420 align:middle line:84% couples, brothers, families who saved sweaty cash to be here. 00:35:38.420 --> 00:35:41.630 align:middle line:84% Oddly, women are the driving force. 00:35:41.630 --> 00:35:45.330 align:middle line:90% What is it we women desire?" 00:35:45.330 --> 00:35:50.430 align:middle line:84% That's the famous question Freud asked, "What do women want?" 00:35:50.430 --> 00:35:55.710 align:middle line:84% "I, for one, desire always the physical stone, leaf, 00:35:55.710 --> 00:35:57.000 align:middle line:90% rain, blood. 00:35:57.000 --> 00:35:59.940 align:middle line:84% I want to see clearly the red-spotted toad, 00:35:59.940 --> 00:36:04.950 align:middle line:84% the blue beetle, the purple petals of a 4:00 opening to sun. 00:36:04.950 --> 00:36:09.180 align:middle line:84% I want to scale cliffs, touch Anasazi shards. 00:36:09.180 --> 00:36:11.880 align:middle line:84% I want to wallow in the desert's heart. 00:36:11.880 --> 00:36:14.700 align:middle line:84% It pleases me that no one, man or woman, 00:36:14.700 --> 00:36:17.090 align:middle line:84% mentions the adrenaline rush of running 00:36:17.090 --> 00:36:19.200 align:middle line:84% rapid, that need to prove oneself 00:36:19.200 --> 00:36:22.250 align:middle line:90% in contest with the river. 00:36:22.250 --> 00:36:25.460 align:middle line:84% Our first day in Marble Canyon, I dropped swiftly 00:36:25.460 --> 00:36:26.720 align:middle line:90% into river time. 00:36:26.720 --> 00:36:29.570 align:middle line:84% Hours are marked by the angle of sun shadows 00:36:29.570 --> 00:36:31.640 align:middle line:84% on riffles, the growl of a stomach. 00:36:31.640 --> 00:36:35.840 align:middle line:84% The river cuts through strata of limestone, shale and butter, 00:36:35.840 --> 00:36:38.660 align:middle line:84% gold, sandstone, and we are insignificant 00:36:38.660 --> 00:36:42.290 align:middle line:84% as the common white butterfly, a flutter of wings 00:36:42.290 --> 00:36:44.630 align:middle line:90% against ancient faces. 00:36:44.630 --> 00:36:47.390 align:middle line:84% The Colorado blue-green at Leeds Ferry 00:36:47.390 --> 00:36:50.660 align:middle line:84% takes on the tone and texture of chocolate milk 00:36:50.660 --> 00:36:54.120 align:middle line:84% as silt-laden tributaries dump their loads into it. 00:36:54.120 --> 00:36:57.300 align:middle line:84% Even the turquoise waters of the Little Colorado, 00:36:57.300 --> 00:37:00.080 align:middle line:84% which emerged from sacred Hopi birth springs, 00:37:00.080 --> 00:37:01.430 align:middle line:90% are running brown. 00:37:01.430 --> 00:37:03.890 align:middle line:84% It has been raining monsoons for weeks, 00:37:03.890 --> 00:37:07.190 align:middle line:84% and the canyons, slopes, ridges, gullies, and beaches 00:37:07.190 --> 00:37:11.210 align:middle line:84% are splashed with an improbable electric green. 00:37:11.210 --> 00:37:14.090 align:middle line:84% The river bends, and I spot a blue heron 00:37:14.090 --> 00:37:17.480 align:middle line:84% etched on a cliff like an Egyptian hieroglyph. 00:37:17.480 --> 00:37:20.060 align:middle line:84% Another day, snowy white egret wing 00:37:20.060 --> 00:37:22.590 align:middle line:90% over Red Rock on warm stones. 00:37:22.590 --> 00:37:25.860 align:middle line:84% A colored lizard with yellow feet pumps on his hind legs 00:37:25.860 --> 00:37:27.900 align:middle line:90% like a mechanical toy. 00:37:27.900 --> 00:37:30.600 align:middle line:90% So much amazing life in camp. 00:37:30.600 --> 00:37:34.170 align:middle line:84% The night-blooming sacred Datura unfurls 00:37:34.170 --> 00:37:37.680 align:middle line:84% its fragrant, hallucinogenic, toxic white petals, 00:37:37.680 --> 00:37:41.070 align:middle line:84% beckoning the sphinx moth to feed and humans 00:37:41.070 --> 00:37:44.460 align:middle line:84% that dare the most dangerous sexual dreams. 00:37:44.460 --> 00:37:47.460 align:middle line:84% At Pipe Creek, I join the paddle boat crew. 00:37:47.460 --> 00:37:51.600 align:middle line:84% I'm a veteran, having paddled two days despite a bum shoulder. 00:37:51.600 --> 00:37:54.750 align:middle line:84% I love the team effort, the action and focus, 00:37:54.750 --> 00:37:59.490 align:middle line:84% the breathless rush of riding square in the maw of the river. 00:37:59.490 --> 00:38:03.060 align:middle line:84% Our raft is strong, light, unencumbered by gear. 00:38:03.060 --> 00:38:06.390 align:middle line:84% It ventures into waters no oar boat would dare. 00:38:06.390 --> 00:38:11.700 align:middle line:84% Three rapids rated 8 to 10 on a scale of 10 await us. 00:38:11.700 --> 00:38:13.530 align:middle line:90% Megan is at the helm. 00:38:13.530 --> 00:38:16.800 align:middle line:84% Paddling on either side are a Southern lady, Della, 00:38:16.800 --> 00:38:21.840 align:middle line:84% and her strong grown sons, a nurse, an optometrist, and me. 00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:24.720 align:middle line:84% We scream through some granite rapids, stroking down 00:38:24.720 --> 00:38:27.030 align:middle line:84% glassy V-shaped tongues, skirting, 00:38:27.030 --> 00:38:30.540 align:middle line:84% the holes pulling through waves that rise above our heads. 00:38:30.540 --> 00:38:34.200 align:middle line:84% Megan maneuvers us into the calm at the tail of each rapid 00:38:34.200 --> 00:38:39.150 align:middle line:84% and, released from danger, we let out a wolf howl of victory. 00:38:39.150 --> 00:38:42.750 align:middle line:84% She stands in the stern, eyes wild, blue, hips 00:38:42.750 --> 00:38:44.700 align:middle line:90% swinging in her paddle dance. 00:38:44.700 --> 00:38:46.920 align:middle line:84% Living the moment like children, we 00:38:46.920 --> 00:38:51.870 align:middle line:84% raise our paddles above our heads, slam them on the water. 00:38:51.870 --> 00:38:57.570 align:middle line:84% Megan, at 24, has run the river 70 times and never capsized. 00:38:57.570 --> 00:39:01.770 align:middle line:84% Now clouds darken the sky, and the day turns cool. 00:39:01.770 --> 00:39:04.530 align:middle line:84% The rangers at Phantom Ranch had warned Larry 00:39:04.530 --> 00:39:06.330 align:middle line:90% a hurricane was approaching. 00:39:06.330 --> 00:39:09.150 align:middle line:84% Several people have been swept from side canyons 00:39:09.150 --> 00:39:12.750 align:middle line:84% by flash floods to drown in the river. 00:39:12.750 --> 00:39:14.910 align:middle line:84% A headwind blows in from the west. 00:39:14.910 --> 00:39:16.890 align:middle line:90% Only one rapid to go. 00:39:16.890 --> 00:39:20.460 align:middle line:84% Hermit, the roller coaster ride, Sam told me, 00:39:20.460 --> 00:39:23.320 align:middle line:90% is the most fun of all. 00:39:23.320 --> 00:39:25.780 align:middle line:90% First as always is the row. 00:39:25.780 --> 00:39:27.730 align:middle line:90% "Forward!" shouts Megan. 00:39:27.730 --> 00:39:32.530 align:middle line:84% We drop from calm into havoc, attacking Hermit's wave train 00:39:32.530 --> 00:39:33.640 align:middle line:90% head-on. 00:39:33.640 --> 00:39:38.320 align:middle line:84% One, two, three, four giant waves lift us. 00:39:38.320 --> 00:39:43.240 align:middle line:84% All I can see is the high brown foam, the dense fury into which 00:39:43.240 --> 00:39:44.620 align:middle line:90% I must place my paddle. 00:39:44.620 --> 00:39:49.390 align:middle line:84% As we rise and fall, breakers slam into us, slap our faces, 00:39:49.390 --> 00:39:51.280 align:middle line:90% drench us in icy blasts. 00:39:51.280 --> 00:39:54.910 align:middle line:84% But we keep stroking to a beat set by the lead paddler. 00:39:54.910 --> 00:39:59.290 align:middle line:84% Stroke, stroke, stroke for a paddle wedged in water 00:39:59.290 --> 00:40:02.200 align:middle line:84% will keep you saddled on the slick yellow sides, 00:40:02.200 --> 00:40:06.760 align:middle line:84% and momentum carries us through even this fierce water. 00:40:06.760 --> 00:40:08.770 align:middle line:90% Then comes the fifth wave. 00:40:08.770 --> 00:40:13.840 align:middle line:84% We climb up and up, stroking hard, but we do not cut through. 00:40:13.840 --> 00:40:15.160 align:middle line:90% The wave grows. 00:40:15.160 --> 00:40:18.670 align:middle line:84% It's a demon curling above us, its foaming dragon 00:40:18.670 --> 00:40:22.240 align:middle line:84% breath as distinct as a Japanese painting. 00:40:22.240 --> 00:40:23.590 align:middle line:90% Alive. 00:40:23.590 --> 00:40:26.110 align:middle line:90% Now, I am stroking air. 00:40:26.110 --> 00:40:30.370 align:middle line:84% The raft is hanging vertical in the crest braids. 00:40:30.370 --> 00:40:31.630 align:middle line:90% We are thrown back. 00:40:31.630 --> 00:40:35.510 align:middle line:90% The boat flips, we are flying. 00:40:35.510 --> 00:40:37.480 align:middle line:90% I go down a long way. 00:40:37.480 --> 00:40:41.290 align:middle line:84% Buried in the brown deep, I'm a pebble in a maelstrom. 00:40:41.290 --> 00:40:46.780 align:middle line:84% This is power, pure power strong enough to drive turbines. 00:40:46.780 --> 00:40:48.610 align:middle line:90% I'm holding my paddle. 00:40:48.610 --> 00:40:49.870 align:middle line:90% I let it go. 00:40:49.870 --> 00:40:52.120 align:middle line:84% I push up through the icy turbulence 00:40:52.120 --> 00:40:57.130 align:middle line:84% until breath leaves me, and I am choking, swallowing water. 00:40:57.130 --> 00:40:59.200 align:middle line:90% A gulp of air, blessed air. 00:40:59.200 --> 00:41:03.070 align:middle line:84% Then, I am driven down into a whirlpool, up and down 00:41:03.070 --> 00:41:03.970 align:middle line:90% and up again. 00:41:03.970 --> 00:41:09.120 align:middle line:84% The river roars past rock walls, and I'm still helpless. 00:41:09.120 --> 00:41:12.510 align:middle line:84% Inert as driftwood, I bob toward an eddy, 00:41:12.510 --> 00:41:17.430 align:middle line:84% held aloft by my life vest, dazed, numb, gulping air, 00:41:17.430 --> 00:41:21.060 align:middle line:84% and I'm drifting away from the rescuing oar boats. 00:41:21.060 --> 00:41:24.840 align:middle line:84% I swim toward Nicole's raft, kicking despite exhaustion. 00:41:24.840 --> 00:41:27.300 align:middle line:90% A man's hefty arm grabs mine. 00:41:27.300 --> 00:41:30.030 align:middle line:84% "Annick," says Nicole, "you're bleeding." 00:41:30.030 --> 00:41:32.640 align:middle line:84% She leans, long brown hair in my face. 00:41:32.640 --> 00:41:33.510 align:middle line:90% "Who am I? 00:41:33.510 --> 00:41:35.580 align:middle line:90% Do you know what's happening?" 00:41:35.580 --> 00:41:36.930 align:middle line:90% "I'm OK." 00:41:36.930 --> 00:41:38.940 align:middle line:90% She grabs my vest and yanks. 00:41:38.940 --> 00:41:39.930 align:middle line:90% It isn't tight enough. 00:41:39.930 --> 00:41:41.430 align:middle line:90% It slips above my eyes. 00:41:41.430 --> 00:41:44.070 align:middle line:90% "Can you give me some help?" 00:41:44.070 --> 00:41:46.280 align:middle line:90% I want to help, but I'm a stone. 00:41:46.280 --> 00:41:50.300 align:middle line:84% When they pull me in I lie on the boat's self-bailing bottom, 00:41:50.300 --> 00:41:54.010 align:middle line:90% gasping like a landed fish. 00:41:54.010 --> 00:41:57.580 align:middle line:84% The night is windy and cool with no stars. 00:41:57.580 --> 00:42:00.640 align:middle line:84% My head throbs from a welt across my forehead, 00:42:00.640 --> 00:42:03.250 align:middle line:84% a cut below my right eyebrow, a bruise 00:42:03.250 --> 00:42:05.620 align:middle line:90% across the bridge of my nose. 00:42:05.620 --> 00:42:08.530 align:middle line:84% All the rest who had gone swimming 00:42:08.530 --> 00:42:11.410 align:middle line:84% are equally shaken but not injured. 00:42:11.410 --> 00:42:15.160 align:middle line:84% It seems a paddle hit me as I went overboard, maybe my own, 00:42:15.160 --> 00:42:17.200 align:middle line:84% probably the handle of the paddle 00:42:17.200 --> 00:42:19.180 align:middle line:90% of the guy in front of me. 00:42:19.180 --> 00:42:23.410 align:middle line:84% Forsaking a mirror, I smear my wounds with oil of arnica, 00:42:23.410 --> 00:42:27.760 align:middle line:84% take two aspirin, drink a gin and tonic with a crew. 00:42:27.760 --> 00:42:33.640 align:middle line:84% I down a beer at dinner, swig brandy from my stash, 00:42:33.640 --> 00:42:37.480 align:middle line:84% put long underwear, and still, I'm shivery. 00:42:37.480 --> 00:42:40.870 align:middle line:84% I put up my tent for the first time on the trip, 00:42:40.870 --> 00:42:42.760 align:middle line:90% glad for cover. 00:42:42.760 --> 00:42:45.790 align:middle line:84% "Tonight," says Larry, "you may wake up crying. 00:42:45.790 --> 00:42:47.440 align:middle line:90% It's a thing that happens. 00:42:47.440 --> 00:42:49.960 align:middle line:84% Come over, and I'll comfort you." 00:42:49.960 --> 00:42:53.810 align:middle line:90% "I don't think so," I say. 00:42:53.810 --> 00:42:58.070 align:middle line:84% If I need comfort, I'll go to the river women: Nicole, Laura, 00:42:58.070 --> 00:43:02.610 align:middle line:84% or Megan who is also wounded, nursing her pride. 00:43:02.610 --> 00:43:05.520 align:middle line:84% Deep in the night, I have a nightmare vision. 00:43:05.520 --> 00:43:10.380 align:middle line:84% An amorphous brown glob like a giant amoeba advances 00:43:10.380 --> 00:43:11.820 align:middle line:90% toward my tent. 00:43:11.820 --> 00:43:16.180 align:middle line:84% It flows closer, relentless, unstoppable. 00:43:16.180 --> 00:43:17.770 align:middle line:90% I know it is coming. 00:43:17.770 --> 00:43:18.540 align:middle line:90% I wait. 00:43:18.540 --> 00:43:24.240 align:middle line:84% Its weight creeps over my head, my chest, crushing breath. 00:43:24.240 --> 00:43:30.180 align:middle line:84% I lie passive as the brown glob engulfs my legs, my feet. 00:43:30.180 --> 00:43:34.500 align:middle line:84% The terror seems endless and then it's gone. 00:43:34.500 --> 00:43:36.120 align:middle line:90% I watch it creep away. 00:43:36.120 --> 00:43:37.830 align:middle line:90% I'm a [INAUDIBLE] with fear. 00:43:37.830 --> 00:43:39.810 align:middle line:90% I know it won't come back. 00:43:39.810 --> 00:43:42.390 align:middle line:90% I'm safe. 00:43:42.390 --> 00:43:45.420 align:middle line:84% I ride fearsome Lava Falls in Nicole's boat, 00:43:45.420 --> 00:43:49.110 align:middle line:84% face forward into the waves to keep the prow down. 00:43:49.110 --> 00:43:51.840 align:middle line:84% She skirts the ledge, glides skillfully 00:43:51.840 --> 00:43:53.580 align:middle line:90% through the 30-foot drop. 00:43:53.580 --> 00:43:55.200 align:middle line:90% The paddle boat follows. 00:43:55.200 --> 00:43:59.610 align:middle line:84% Every craft passes the test, and we let out a great cheer. 00:43:59.610 --> 00:44:03.420 align:middle line:84% On the 13th day, I'm ready to mount the steed again, 00:44:03.420 --> 00:44:05.700 align:middle line:84% paddling front right, setting the pace 00:44:05.700 --> 00:44:07.980 align:middle line:90% through the final 7-plus rapid. 00:44:07.980 --> 00:44:10.710 align:middle line:84% It's taken four days to gather courage, 00:44:10.710 --> 00:44:16.610 align:middle line:84% but the ride is perfect, and I am redeemed, if not reborn. 00:44:16.610 --> 00:44:20.810 align:middle line:84% Our last camp is on a hot beach at Mile 220. 00:44:20.810 --> 00:44:23.390 align:middle line:84% We use the paddle raft as a water slide, 00:44:23.390 --> 00:44:28.040 align:middle line:84% leaping and splashing into cold waters like otters. 00:44:28.040 --> 00:44:31.970 align:middle line:84% The river has allowed us to pass in ecstasy and fear. 00:44:31.970 --> 00:44:34.260 align:middle line:84% Men and women together as a team. 00:44:34.260 --> 00:44:36.020 align:middle line:90% And now we can laugh. 00:44:36.020 --> 00:44:40.640 align:middle line:84% At dawn, we will float the final six miles in [INAUDIBLE].. 00:44:40.640 --> 00:44:43.430 align:middle line:84% After dinner, in the warm dark, people 00:44:43.430 --> 00:44:45.800 align:middle line:84% talk about what this journey has meant. 00:44:45.800 --> 00:44:48.380 align:middle line:84% "It's made me stronger and more humble." 00:44:48.380 --> 00:44:49.250 align:middle line:90% I say. 00:44:49.250 --> 00:44:52.520 align:middle line:84% "More sure-footed, but less sure in my head. 00:44:52.520 --> 00:44:56.210 align:middle line:84% I've learned a few things about mortality." 00:44:56.210 --> 00:45:01.250 align:middle line:84% I am referring to Hermit Rapids but also to a sunstruck hike 00:45:01.250 --> 00:45:03.920 align:middle line:90% up 1800 feet to Thunder River. 00:45:03.920 --> 00:45:08.690 align:middle line:84% Falls thundered from limestone caverns 00:45:08.690 --> 00:45:11.960 align:middle line:84% to a leafy oasis hanging gardens of maidenhair 00:45:11.960 --> 00:45:16.800 align:middle line:84% and cardinal monkeyflower, clear blue pools, the source says. 00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:19.590 align:middle line:84% And to the bighorn ram who stood looking out 00:45:19.590 --> 00:45:24.030 align:middle line:84% at the Canyon this dusk from the top of a high lava outcrop 00:45:24.030 --> 00:45:26.310 align:middle line:90% called The Gorilla's Head-- 00:45:26.310 --> 00:45:30.990 align:middle line:84% the last glow of sun lit his horns, which swept forward 00:45:30.990 --> 00:45:33.960 align:middle line:90% in heavy curls like waves. 00:45:33.960 --> 00:45:37.800 align:middle line:84% The ram stands at the apex of his world. 00:45:37.800 --> 00:45:40.830 align:middle line:84% He is my living shrine, transient 00:45:40.830 --> 00:45:45.300 align:middle line:84% and magnificent, Canyon wren, the Bright Angel shale. 00:45:45.300 --> 00:45:51.120 align:middle line:84% The fire ants and us, he tells me this path down the river 00:45:51.120 --> 00:45:57.300 align:middle line:84% is not a fall into dream, but into the great reality, the only 00:45:57.300 --> 00:45:59.940 align:middle line:90% one and only." 00:45:59.940 --> 00:46:00.974 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:46:00.974 --> 00:46:03.938 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:46:03.938 --> 00:46:21.740 align:middle line:90% 00:46:21.740 --> 00:46:23.660 align:middle line:84% I fell so in love with the Canyon 00:46:23.660 --> 00:46:28.520 align:middle line:84% that I'm trying to write a novel about a river guide. 00:46:28.520 --> 00:46:31.570 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:46:31.570 --> 00:46:37.000 align:middle line:90%