WEBVTT

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After I published
The Good Thief,

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right around the time
when that book came out,

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my youngest brother,
John, discovered

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that he was living with
AIDS-- with the AIDS virus.

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John was my dearest friend.

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He was my editor and
my spiritual advisor.

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Even though he was 11
years younger than I. So

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the next few years he
was sick, and then died.

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And I didn't write
for several years.

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I thought I might
never write again.

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And Stanley Kunitz said
this great thing to me.

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He said, well, you must
wait to see who you will be.

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I mean, grief has
you in its mouth now.

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You must wait to see who you'll
be when it's finished with you.

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And I began writing very
differently after Johnny died.

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So I'd like to read
some poems about him.

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And it just is by
way of introduction,

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I'll read a little one,
it's called "Just Now."

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John loved and lived
with a man named Joe.

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So Joe shows up in these
poems too and John does.

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Everybody sort of
walks around and talks.

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John's my brother and
Joe is his beloved.

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There's a little
poem, it was written

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in response to that Jesse Helms
amendment long ago, remember?

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We weren't supposed to
write about homo-eroticism.

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"Just Now."

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My brother opens
his eyes when he

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hears the door click open
downstairs and Joe's steps

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walking up past the meowing
cat and the second click

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of the upstairs door, and
then he lifts his face

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so that Joe can kiss him.

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Joe has brought armfuls of
broken magnolia branches

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in full blossom, and he
putters in the kitchen looking

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for a big jar to put
them in and finds it.

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And now they tower in the
living room, white and sweet,

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where John can see
them if he leans out

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from his bed which
he can't do just now,

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and now Joe is cleaning.

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What a mess you've
left me, he says,

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and John is smiling,
almost asleep again.

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