WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:04.940 align:middle line:90% "Two, I believe in power. 00:00:04.940 --> 00:00:08.300 align:middle line:84% What I mean to say is I ascribe great value to it 00:00:08.300 --> 00:00:11.420 align:middle line:84% and like to observe power in action. 00:00:11.420 --> 00:00:13.070 align:middle line:84% I like the way continents are always 00:00:13.070 --> 00:00:16.790 align:middle line:84% straining to break apart or ride up on and over one another, 00:00:16.790 --> 00:00:19.460 align:middle line:84% and I like the way the seedlings in the forest fight 00:00:19.460 --> 00:00:22.370 align:middle line:90% and scramble for light. 00:00:22.370 --> 00:00:24.170 align:middle line:84% I like all that goes on in the hundreds 00:00:24.170 --> 00:00:29.360 align:middle line:84% years of a tree's life, or the 200, or 500 years of its span-- 00:00:29.360 --> 00:00:32.030 align:middle line:84% all the ice and snow, the wind storms, 00:00:32.030 --> 00:00:35.420 align:middle line:84% the fires that creep around the edges of some forest, and sweep 00:00:35.420 --> 00:00:39.230 align:middle line:84% through and across others, starting the process all over 00:00:39.230 --> 00:00:42.050 align:middle line:84% and leaving behind a holy kind of pause, 00:00:42.050 --> 00:00:44.330 align:middle line:84% a momentary break in power before things 00:00:44.330 --> 00:00:49.580 align:middle line:84% begin to stretch and grow again as vigorously as ever. 00:00:49.580 --> 00:00:52.340 align:middle line:84% It feels good after sitting, hunched shouldered at a desk 00:00:52.340 --> 00:00:56.360 align:middle line:84% these last 10 or 12 years, to be hauling real and physical things 00:00:56.360 --> 00:00:57.950 align:middle line:90% out of the woods-- 00:00:57.950 --> 00:01:00.500 align:middle line:84% to get the green, sweet gummy sap of fir 00:01:00.500 --> 00:01:03.110 align:middle line:84% stuck to my gloves and arms, to have 00:01:03.110 --> 00:01:06.680 align:middle line:84% the chunks of sawdust tumble from the cuffs of my overalls, 00:01:06.680 --> 00:01:09.590 align:middle line:84% to have the scent of the forest in my hair, 00:01:09.590 --> 00:01:13.910 align:middle line:84% the scent of leather gloves, the weight of the logs as real 00:01:13.910 --> 00:01:16.520 align:middle line:84% as my brief life, and the scent of blue 00:01:16.520 --> 00:01:21.290 align:middle line:84% saw smoke dents in my leather boots, the sight of bright cut 00:01:21.290 --> 00:01:25.970 align:middle line:84% new yellow pinewood, a color that soon fades as it oxidizes, 00:01:25.970 --> 00:01:29.210 align:middle line:84% as the skin of a gleaming fish fades quickly, immediately 00:01:29.210 --> 00:01:32.000 align:middle line:84% after it dies, or as the hue of a river rock 00:01:32.000 --> 00:01:34.220 align:middle line:84% is lost forever after it is taken 00:01:34.220 --> 00:01:38.210 align:middle line:84% from the waters of its particular stream. 00:01:38.210 --> 00:01:40.490 align:middle line:90% They can never find me here. 00:01:40.490 --> 00:01:43.430 align:middle line:84% They've been up here looking for me with warrants 00:01:43.430 --> 00:01:47.360 align:middle line:84% and may come again, but I have only to slip into the woods 00:01:47.360 --> 00:01:49.940 align:middle line:90% and disappear for a while. 00:01:49.940 --> 00:01:52.580 align:middle line:84% And perhaps this is where the activism came from, 00:01:52.580 --> 00:01:55.250 align:middle line:84% after the storytelling, the desire 00:01:55.250 --> 00:01:58.130 align:middle line:84% to defend a land that defended me, 00:01:58.130 --> 00:02:03.200 align:middle line:84% the desire to give for once after a lifetime of taking. 00:02:03.200 --> 00:02:04.970 align:middle line:84% Perhaps one reason none of us knows 00:02:04.970 --> 00:02:07.820 align:middle line:84% what's inside the heart or core of anything 00:02:07.820 --> 00:02:11.360 align:middle line:84% is that it's always changing, that things are always moving 00:02:11.360 --> 00:02:15.320 align:middle line:84% in a wave or along an arc, and that the presence of one 00:02:15.320 --> 00:02:19.100 align:middle line:84% thing or one way of being indicates only that soon, 00:02:19.100 --> 00:02:21.290 align:middle line:84% another will be summoned to replace it, 00:02:21.290 --> 00:02:25.520 align:middle line:84% as the night carves out the next day. 00:02:25.520 --> 00:02:28.730 align:middle line:84% I thought I was made all along for writing short stories, 00:02:28.730 --> 00:02:32.720 align:middle line:84% and maybe one day again, I will be, as forced recycle 00:02:32.720 --> 00:02:34.250 align:middle line:90% through succession. 00:02:34.250 --> 00:02:37.160 align:middle line:84% But this landscape is carved and fit me. 00:02:37.160 --> 00:02:39.950 align:middle line:84% It is not I who have been doing the carving. 00:02:39.950 --> 00:02:43.220 align:middle line:84% And I can feel, am aware of my change, 00:02:43.220 --> 00:02:45.320 align:middle line:84% so that now, what I best fit doing 00:02:45.320 --> 00:02:49.370 align:middle line:90% is hauling logs one at a time. 00:02:49.370 --> 00:02:53.660 align:middle line:84% I'm short, a low center of gravity, with short legs 00:02:53.660 --> 00:02:55.970 align:middle line:84% but long arms, and a heart and lungs 00:02:55.970 --> 00:02:58.220 align:middle line:90% that don't get tired easily. 00:02:58.220 --> 00:03:02.480 align:middle line:84% The red meat, the core of me, is stronger than ever. 00:03:02.480 --> 00:03:04.640 align:middle line:84% Certain accessories or trappings, 00:03:04.640 --> 00:03:06.740 align:middle line:84% such as ligaments, cartilage disk, 00:03:06.740 --> 00:03:09.590 align:middle line:84% et cetera are fraying and snapping. 00:03:09.590 --> 00:03:13.010 align:middle line:84% I get them mended, stitched back together, stapled and spliced, 00:03:13.010 --> 00:03:17.690 align:middle line:84% or removed, but the rest of me is getting stronger, if slower. 00:03:17.690 --> 00:03:20.630 align:middle line:84% And I keep hauling the logs out, one at a time, 00:03:20.630 --> 00:03:24.440 align:middle line:84% stepping gently over and around the fairy slippers and orchids, 00:03:24.440 --> 00:03:27.440 align:middle line:84% and choosing for my harvest, only the wind tossed, 00:03:27.440 --> 00:03:30.410 align:middle line:84% or leaning trees, or the trees that are crowded, too close 00:03:30.410 --> 00:03:33.140 align:middle line:90% together, or diseased. 00:03:33.140 --> 00:03:37.430 align:middle line:84% I try and select individual trees like notes of music, 00:03:37.430 --> 00:03:39.470 align:middle line:90% as one falls or is removed. 00:03:39.470 --> 00:03:45.070 align:middle line:84% Others will rise, and with each cut, I'm aware of this. 00:03:45.070 --> 00:03:49.570 align:middle line:84% Art is selectivity-- that which you choose to put in a story, 00:03:49.570 --> 00:03:52.840 align:middle line:84% and it's what you choose to leave out, too. 00:03:52.840 --> 00:03:56.470 align:middle line:84% This new life is still a kind of music, a kind of art, 00:03:56.470 --> 00:04:00.190 align:middle line:84% but it is so much more real, and physical, and immediate. 00:04:00.190 --> 00:04:04.390 align:middle line:84% It feels right to be doing this, hauling the logs out, carrying 00:04:04.390 --> 00:04:06.550 align:middle line:84% them over my shoulder, one at a time, 00:04:06.550 --> 00:04:09.730 align:middle line:84% like a railroad tie, some as dense and old, as 00:04:09.730 --> 00:04:13.210 align:middle line:84% if soaked with creosote or green life. 00:04:13.210 --> 00:04:17.060 align:middle line:84% And the more I carry, the stronger and more compact I get, 00:04:17.060 --> 00:04:19.810 align:middle line:90% the better I fit this job. 00:04:19.810 --> 00:04:23.110 align:middle line:84% As I choose and select, I listen to that silent music 00:04:23.110 --> 00:04:27.280 align:middle line:84% all around me, faint but real, of what I am doing, 00:04:27.280 --> 00:04:31.420 align:middle line:90% not imagining, but doing. 00:04:31.420 --> 00:04:36.070 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, I work in the rotting areas, other times in the burns. 00:04:36.070 --> 00:04:40.750 align:middle line:84% I become smeared with charcoal, charcoal, blackened myself, as 00:04:40.750 --> 00:04:41.770 align:middle line:90% if altered. 00:04:41.770 --> 00:04:45.430 align:middle line:84% And that night, heading home, I will stop and bathe in a stream 00:04:45.430 --> 00:04:48.580 align:middle line:84% and become pale again under the fierce stars, 00:04:48.580 --> 00:04:51.820 align:middle line:84% and will sometimes think about the days when I wrote stories, 00:04:51.820 --> 00:04:54.010 align:middle line:84% and then further back, about the days 00:04:54.010 --> 00:04:56.920 align:middle line:84% when I practiced geology, and then even further, 00:04:56.920 --> 00:05:00.070 align:middle line:84% to childhood, and joy, and wonder. 00:05:00.070 --> 00:05:02.170 align:middle line:84% But without question, these days, 00:05:02.170 --> 00:05:05.800 align:middle line:84% I'm a black beast moving slowly through magical woods, 00:05:05.800 --> 00:05:09.520 align:middle line:84% growing shorter each year under those logs, as each year, 00:05:09.520 --> 00:05:13.210 align:middle line:84% a disk is removed, as if I'm sinking deeper and deeper 00:05:13.210 --> 00:05:15.220 align:middle line:90% into the old rot of the forest. 00:05:15.220 --> 00:05:18.350 align:middle line:84% Until soon, I'll be wasted deep in the soil, 00:05:18.350 --> 00:05:20.830 align:middle line:84% and it is neither delicious nor frightening. 00:05:20.830 --> 00:05:22.015 align:middle line:90% It is only a fit. 00:05:22.015 --> 00:05:24.640 align:middle line:90% 00:05:24.640 --> 00:05:28.330 align:middle line:84% A thing I do sometimes, when I have a log I'm really proud of, 00:05:28.330 --> 00:05:30.760 align:middle line:84% is to haul it out, and carry it on my back, 00:05:30.760 --> 00:05:34.090 align:middle line:84% and place it in the road, next to some other logger's truck, 00:05:34.090 --> 00:05:38.560 align:middle line:84% or sometimes, even in his truck, like a gift. 00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:40.720 align:middle line:84% It is nothing more complex than trying 00:05:40.720 --> 00:05:44.740 align:middle line:84% to work myself out from under some imbalance of the past. 00:05:44.740 --> 00:05:47.800 align:middle line:90% It will take a long time. 00:05:47.800 --> 00:05:50.200 align:middle line:84% People are curious about who's doing it. 00:05:50.200 --> 00:05:53.380 align:middle line:84% The log fairy, they call him, and here, too, I 00:05:53.380 --> 00:05:56.140 align:middle line:84% take precautions not to get caught. 00:05:56.140 --> 00:06:00.310 align:middle line:84% I haul the heaviest, densest logs I can handle. 00:06:00.310 --> 00:06:02.830 align:middle line:84% I know I'll get back to hauling the balsa wood logs 00:06:02.830 --> 00:06:04.850 align:middle line:90% from the fields of light. 00:06:04.850 --> 00:06:07.090 align:middle line:84% I know it's not going to make a difference, 00:06:07.090 --> 00:06:10.390 align:middle line:84% but I try only to select the densest, heaviest, blown down 00:06:10.390 --> 00:06:12.700 align:middle line:84% logs from the old forest of darkness. 00:06:12.700 --> 00:06:16.180 align:middle line:84% And I try to envision them after their passage to Idaho, 00:06:16.180 --> 00:06:19.150 align:middle line:84% or Texas, or wherever they go, as standing 00:06:19.150 --> 00:06:23.530 align:middle line:84% staunch and strong within their individual house's frameworks. 00:06:23.530 --> 00:06:27.460 align:middle line:84% I picture houses and homes getting stronger, one at a time, 00:06:27.460 --> 00:06:32.080 align:middle line:84% one board at a time, as they feed on my magical forest. 00:06:32.080 --> 00:06:35.740 align:middle line:84% And then I imagine those strong homes raising strong families, 00:06:35.740 --> 00:06:38.440 align:middle line:84% and that they will act like cells or cores scattered 00:06:38.440 --> 00:06:42.700 align:middle line:84% across the country, like little stars or satellites that 00:06:42.700 --> 00:06:46.090 align:middle line:84% will help shore up the awful, sagging, national erosions here 00:06:46.090 --> 00:06:48.280 align:middle line:90% at century's end. 00:06:48.280 --> 00:06:52.900 align:middle line:84% It's a fantasy to be sure, but you tell me which is more real, 00:06:52.900 --> 00:06:56.440 align:middle line:84% an idea, such as a stated passion or desire of one human's 00:06:56.440 --> 00:07:00.010 align:middle line:84% emotions, susceptible to the vagaries of the world 00:07:00.010 --> 00:07:04.900 align:middle line:84% and fading through time, or 100-inch, 250 pound, green, 00:07:04.900 --> 00:07:07.810 align:middle line:84% juicy fir on one's mortal shoulder. 00:07:07.810 --> 00:07:11.860 align:middle line:84% You tell me which is the fantasy and which is real. 00:07:11.860 --> 00:07:13.720 align:middle line:84% I'm so hungry for something real. 00:07:13.720 --> 00:07:17.210 align:middle line:90% 00:07:17.210 --> 00:07:19.940 align:middle line:84% As I said, when we came up here to escape the law, 00:07:19.940 --> 00:07:22.940 align:middle line:84% we were artists, that second life. 00:07:22.940 --> 00:07:26.540 align:middle line:84% I breathed art, inhaled it, as the timber companies 00:07:26.540 --> 00:07:31.640 align:middle line:84% are inhaling this forest timber, and I exhaled it, too. 00:07:31.640 --> 00:07:35.300 align:middle line:84% It was easy to write stories, even poems. 00:07:35.300 --> 00:07:37.940 align:middle line:84% I don't even know what I'm doing telling this one. 00:07:37.940 --> 00:07:40.400 align:middle line:84% Only that for a moment and one more time, 00:07:40.400 --> 00:07:42.980 align:middle line:84% it is as if I have stepped in a hole 00:07:42.980 --> 00:07:45.950 align:middle line:84% or put back on one of the old dry shed coats 00:07:45.950 --> 00:07:48.620 align:middle line:90% from an earlier time. 00:07:48.620 --> 00:07:50.960 align:middle line:90% It was like a pulse back then. 00:07:50.960 --> 00:07:53.750 align:middle line:84% There was an electricity between me and the land. 00:07:53.750 --> 00:07:56.930 align:middle line:84% And there was one between Hope and the land, too, and one 00:07:56.930 --> 00:07:59.970 align:middle line:90% between Hope and myself. 00:07:59.970 --> 00:08:02.870 align:middle line:84% I'd work in my notebook, sitting out at the picnic table, 00:08:02.870 --> 00:08:05.030 align:middle line:84% the sunlight bright on that paper, 00:08:05.030 --> 00:08:08.450 align:middle line:84% my pen curlicueing words and shapes across that parchment, 00:08:08.450 --> 00:08:11.990 align:middle line:84% like lichens spreading across the page in timelapse warp 00:08:11.990 --> 00:08:13.370 align:middle line:90% speed. 00:08:13.370 --> 00:08:16.010 align:middle line:84% And Hope would paint landscapes with oils, 00:08:16.010 --> 00:08:19.460 align:middle line:84% as she had done down in the South. 00:08:19.460 --> 00:08:22.040 align:middle line:84% Back then, she had worked in greens and yellows 00:08:22.040 --> 00:08:24.680 align:middle line:84% and had always walked around with dried smears of it 00:08:24.680 --> 00:08:26.840 align:middle line:90% on her hands and face, though-- 00:08:26.840 --> 00:08:30.260 align:middle line:84% so that she seemed to be of the land and of the seasons 00:08:30.260 --> 00:08:34.700 align:middle line:84% down there, as I tried to be, the incredibly fertile, almost 00:08:34.700 --> 00:08:38.360 align:middle line:84% eternal spring of greens and yellows in Louisiana. 00:08:38.360 --> 00:08:40.490 align:middle line:84% But then, once we got up to this valley, 00:08:40.490 --> 00:08:43.970 align:middle line:84% the colors changed to blue fir, and blue rock, 00:08:43.970 --> 00:08:47.100 align:middle line:84% and to the white glaciers, and white clouds. 00:08:47.100 --> 00:08:49.040 align:middle line:84% And those became the colors affixed 00:08:49.040 --> 00:08:52.760 align:middle line:84% to her body, the residue of her work. 00:08:52.760 --> 00:08:55.190 align:middle line:84% There are four distinct seasons up here, 00:08:55.190 --> 00:08:57.860 align:middle line:84% as if in some child's fairy tale book, 00:08:57.860 --> 00:09:01.790 align:middle line:84% except that after Louisiana's slow motion, the seasons in Yaak 00:09:01.790 --> 00:09:03.440 align:middle line:90% seem almost a gallop. 00:09:03.440 --> 00:09:06.260 align:middle line:84% The quick burning flash of dry brown heat, 00:09:06.260 --> 00:09:09.590 align:middle line:84% August, then an explosion of yellow and red, 00:09:09.590 --> 00:09:13.970 align:middle line:84% October, then more blue and white, blue and white, 00:09:13.970 --> 00:09:16.280 align:middle line:84% then winter's black and whiteness, 00:09:16.280 --> 00:09:19.100 align:middle line:84% seeming to last forever, but snatched away 00:09:19.100 --> 00:09:22.760 align:middle line:84% finally by the incandescence of true spring. 00:09:22.760 --> 00:09:25.670 align:middle line:84% And even now, after a decade, the trees 00:09:25.670 --> 00:09:27.680 align:middle line:84% in the forest around us, another inch larger 00:09:27.680 --> 00:09:30.620 align:middle line:84% in diameter since that time, Hope 00:09:30.620 --> 00:09:34.070 align:middle line:84% is still searching to settle into the rhythms of this place, 00:09:34.070 --> 00:09:37.340 align:middle line:84% the fast rhythms on the surface, as well as the slower 00:09:37.340 --> 00:09:40.640 align:middle line:90% ones frozen in the rock below. 00:09:40.640 --> 00:09:43.190 align:middle line:84% Between her chores of running the household 00:09:43.190 --> 00:09:45.140 align:middle line:84% and helping raise the children, I 00:09:45.140 --> 00:09:47.030 align:middle line:84% do not see much blue paint smeared 00:09:47.030 --> 00:09:49.680 align:middle line:90% on her nor any other color. 00:09:49.680 --> 00:09:52.700 align:middle line:84% And we just don't talk about art anymore. 00:09:52.700 --> 00:09:55.370 align:middle line:84% An overwhelming majority of that art which we see, 00:09:55.370 --> 00:09:59.750 align:middle line:84% discourages us, depresses us, no longer inspires us, 00:09:59.750 --> 00:10:03.170 align:middle line:84% and whether this is a failure within us or within the artist 00:10:03.170 --> 00:10:06.110 align:middle line:90% of this age, we're not sure. 00:10:06.110 --> 00:10:09.080 align:middle line:84% It seems like 100 years ago, not ten, 00:10:09.080 --> 00:10:12.080 align:middle line:90% since we first came up here. 00:10:12.080 --> 00:10:14.510 align:middle line:84% Back then, I would stumble through the forest, 00:10:14.510 --> 00:10:17.120 align:middle line:84% pretending to hunt, sometimes, taking 00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:20.360 align:middle line:84% a deer, or elk, or grouse, but mostly just thinking 00:10:20.360 --> 00:10:24.740 align:middle line:84% about stories, about what had to be at stake in any given story, 00:10:24.740 --> 00:10:26.930 align:middle line:84% and about the orthodox but time tested, 00:10:26.930 --> 00:10:30.660 align:middle line:84% critical progressions or cyclings of beginning, middle, 00:10:30.660 --> 00:10:34.050 align:middle line:84% and end, and of resolutions within a story, 00:10:34.050 --> 00:10:37.280 align:middle line:84% and epiphanies, all the old things. 00:10:37.280 --> 00:10:40.610 align:middle line:84% They were new to me then and seemed as fresh as if none of it 00:10:40.610 --> 00:10:43.580 align:middle line:90% had ever been done before. 00:10:43.580 --> 00:10:47.150 align:middle line:84% I did not know the names of the things past which I was walking, 00:10:47.150 --> 00:10:50.270 align:middle line:84% or the cycles of the forest, or the comings and goings, 00:10:50.270 --> 00:10:54.290 align:middle line:84% lives and deaths, the migrations of the animals. 00:10:54.290 --> 00:10:57.320 align:middle line:84% At night, hiking home after I'd traveled too far 00:10:57.320 --> 00:10:59.810 align:middle line:84% or been gone too long, I did not know 00:10:59.810 --> 00:11:01.460 align:middle line:84% the names of things by their scent 00:11:01.460 --> 00:11:06.230 align:middle line:84% alone, as I passed by them in the darkness. 00:11:06.230 --> 00:11:09.080 align:middle line:84% Those kinds of things came to me though and are still 00:11:09.080 --> 00:11:13.730 align:middle line:84% coming slowly, season after season, and year after year, 00:11:13.730 --> 00:11:15.950 align:middle line:84% and it is as if I'm sinking deeper 00:11:15.950 --> 00:11:19.610 align:middle line:84% into the earth, ankle-deep in mulch now. 00:11:19.610 --> 00:11:23.900 align:middle line:84% I keep trying to move laterally and drawn laterally, 00:11:23.900 --> 00:11:25.880 align:middle line:84% but recently, it has begun to feel 00:11:25.880 --> 00:11:28.580 align:middle line:84% as if, perhaps, the beginnings of some of my old desires 00:11:28.580 --> 00:11:32.450 align:middle line:84% are returning, my diving, or burrowing tendencies, 00:11:32.450 --> 00:11:35.580 align:middle line:84% the pattern of my entering the ground vertically again, 00:11:35.580 --> 00:11:37.970 align:middle line:84% as I did when I was drilling for oil, 00:11:37.970 --> 00:11:41.120 align:middle line:84% desiring to dive again, as if believing that 00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:45.620 align:middle line:84% for every emotion, every object, every landscape on the surface, 00:11:45.620 --> 00:11:49.910 align:middle line:84% there is a hidden or corresponding one at depth. 00:11:49.910 --> 00:11:52.730 align:middle line:84% We tend to think there are clean breaks between sections 00:11:52.730 --> 00:11:56.690 align:middle line:84% of anything, but it is so rarely that way in either nature 00:11:56.690 --> 00:11:58.670 align:middle line:90% or our own lives. 00:11:58.670 --> 00:12:02.180 align:middle line:84% Things are always tied together, as the future is linked 00:12:02.180 --> 00:12:03.695 align:middle line:90% like an anchor to the past. 00:12:03.695 --> 00:12:07.030 align:middle line:90% 00:12:07.030 --> 00:12:09.930 align:middle line:84% Hope and I don't talk about art anymore. 00:12:09.930 --> 00:12:12.660 align:middle line:84% We talk about getting our firewood in for winter 00:12:12.660 --> 00:12:15.210 align:middle line:84% or about the deer we saw that day. 00:12:15.210 --> 00:12:18.720 align:middle line:84% We talk about the wildflowers or the colors of leaves. 00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:21.480 align:middle line:84% That's the closest we come to discussing the shadow 00:12:21.480 --> 00:12:24.180 align:middle line:84% or memory of her work, and we do not 00:12:24.180 --> 00:12:27.960 align:middle line:84% come close to discussing mine either or the memory or bury-- 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:30.210 align:middle line:90% buried shadow of it. 00:12:30.210 --> 00:12:34.890 align:middle line:84% We talk about things instead and hand things to each other for us 00:12:34.890 --> 00:12:39.240 align:middle line:84% to touch, a stone found on the mountain that day, 00:12:39.240 --> 00:12:42.990 align:middle line:84% or an irregular piece of driftwood, a butterfly, 00:12:42.990 --> 00:12:46.380 align:middle line:84% when plastered and dried, pinned to the grill of the truck, 00:12:46.380 --> 00:12:50.850 align:middle line:84% looking remarkably like the silk scarves she used to paint. 00:12:50.850 --> 00:12:54.690 align:middle line:84% We step carefully , desiring to travel further into this fourth 00:12:54.690 --> 00:12:58.950 align:middle line:84% life, being pulled into it by unknown or rather unseen 00:12:58.950 --> 00:13:03.810 align:middle line:84% rhythms, walking quietly, carefully, as if believing, 00:13:03.810 --> 00:13:07.110 align:middle line:84% perhaps, we can sneak away from those old lives, 00:13:07.110 --> 00:13:11.545 align:middle line:84% and be completely free of them, and in pace once more with 00:13:11.545 --> 00:13:12.045 align:middle line:90% the land. 00:13:12.045 --> 00:13:17.110 align:middle line:90% 00:13:17.110 --> 00:13:20.860 align:middle line:84% The logs that get you are almost always late in the day. 00:13:20.860 --> 00:13:23.890 align:middle line:84% You overextend in your love, your passion 00:13:23.890 --> 00:13:27.250 align:middle line:84% for the work, the delicious physicality of it, 00:13:27.250 --> 00:13:30.070 align:middle line:84% the freedom of being able to work without acknowledging 00:13:30.070 --> 00:13:33.040 align:middle line:90% either a past or a future. 00:13:33.040 --> 00:13:35.770 align:middle line:84% You spy a perfect, fallen tree, just a little bit 00:13:35.770 --> 00:13:39.460 align:middle line:84% out of your reach and at the bottom of a steep slope. 00:13:39.460 --> 00:13:43.000 align:middle line:84% You have to cross a tangle of blowdown to get to it. 00:13:43.000 --> 00:13:44.500 align:middle line:84% It's a little larger than you should 00:13:44.500 --> 00:13:47.650 align:middle line:84% be carrying and a little too far from the truck. 00:13:47.650 --> 00:13:51.100 align:middle line:84% You've already hauled a day's worth, but all of these things 00:13:51.100 --> 00:13:54.040 align:middle line:84% conspire within you, as you stare at the log, 00:13:54.040 --> 00:13:57.880 align:middle line:84% to create a strange transformation or alteration. 00:13:57.880 --> 00:14:01.390 align:middle line:84% They reassemble into the reasons, the precise reasons 00:14:01.390 --> 00:14:04.240 align:middle line:90% that you should go get that log. 00:14:04.240 --> 00:14:06.640 align:middle line:84% And always, you do, so that you will not 00:14:06.640 --> 00:14:09.280 align:middle line:84% have to go to bed that night, thinking about that log 00:14:09.280 --> 00:14:11.884 align:middle line:84% and how you turned away from it." 00:14:11.884 --> 00:14:12.384 align:middle line:90%