WEBVTT

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It's really a gigantic
amount of self-control for me

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not to cough.

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I'm not used to it.

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And I'm not succeeding at it.

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Dear Aaron in South
Africa, et cetera.

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Installment number
one: condition.

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You are on a bus.

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There's no speed
like the present.

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Yes, well, you might think.

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Or you might think of
the man at your side,

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spooling his clutch of fingers
in tight, cursive loops

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through the slate air.

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Or your own knees,
you might think

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of them balled up in your jeans
like the understudy waiting

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for someone to twist an ankle.

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A paradigm shift like the
sound of a creaking duck.

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But on this instance,
you cannot think at all.

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Technology requires
great effort.

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On this occasion, you conform
to the accepted guidelines.

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You accept the guidelines
without thinking.

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If someone were to offer
you food, would you take it?

00:01:02.320 --> 00:01:05.170 align:middle line:90%
What is the purpose of a toy?

00:01:05.170 --> 00:01:09.070 align:middle line:84%
What costs is the
outcome, not the effort.

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A woman who is not a geisha
pats a garden of white powder

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onto her crimped,
bloomless face.

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She is practicing.

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She has practiced.

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Installment number
two: investment.

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In Dallas, where the lights
never dim or illuminate,

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land flat as a doorbell,
unanswered, water poison,

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but mercifully tasteless.

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Doubt unveils, veers inches into
exposure over the faint neon

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twitch of horizon like the
six-masted Chinese junket

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you dreamt of in
a hotel room you

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had no intention of paying for.

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This ardor, so many
iridescent fish

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bellied onto the sand,
red tide unkempt,

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warranted, standing with
anvil feet on your neck.

00:02:01.430 --> 00:02:05.770 align:middle line:84%
This persistent black cat, or
affection, or railway station,

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things clatter and
converse, ties and spikes

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littered with speed,
with unopened mail,

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where the train
doesn't stop, doesn't

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slow, filters and
hurdles, it's one blind,

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inclusive eye dagger
towards the night.

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Installment number
three: property value.

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Thunder muffled as the sound of
spinning, a certain livid amber

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whir unnoticed
until its absence.

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What is the difference between
radiation and radiance?

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My most insistent tremor,
my most tremulous ruler,

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as in measure, in inches,
or letters, or hands.

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Hands in memory flutter
smaller, don't you

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think, than hands that tap the
forehead absently, the absent

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forehead?

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Today, the sun is on
your side of the world.

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Do you get enough sleep?

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Memory can't be
jarred into radiance.

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And with no one to catch you
in the lie, you make yourself,

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again, utterly human.

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And what is the difference
between proper and property,

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between missing and gone?

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Every day seems to adhere to
the same forgetful alphabet.

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And will we ever,
my dear unsigned

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lease, my miter
box, my orange cat,

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will we ever tire of waking up?

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Installment number
four: inheritance.

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The sound of one caught in
the penetrating green illness

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of compulsion or
propulsion, the hum sound

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of hospital
fluorescence in a body,

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otherwise desirous of
flowers in the morning.

00:04:00.370 --> 00:04:04.180 align:middle line:84%
The phone rings off the hook as
if it could ring off the hook,

00:04:04.180 --> 00:04:08.830 align:middle line:84%
as if saying hello were the
same thing as greeting a body.

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Tell the slant and tell
it true, the true slant

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is your leg, penetrated by
brash blue light, sunlight

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without heat, full of the
numb expanse of sky expanded,

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as a leg expands in infection,
as a leg refusing to succumb

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to arthroscopic suggestion.

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When you said faint, you meant
fret, and when you said meek,

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you meant honeycombed
or residual,

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as a person is residual
who won't leave

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the bedside of a body asleep
hours ago, a body you inherited

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as you might inherit sleep.

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Installment number
five, earned respite.

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Insofar as love, my dear extreme
Pueblo, my fraught sensor,

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my dim, necessary fear, dear.

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Insofar as antidote
promises antidote.

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Tremor and terror
both in the window,

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through the window,
where the body ends

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and the world's body begins.

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A slant light indicates day
where a scant night resists me.

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Wrists bared like
plastic neon dolls,

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the auction table
crowds into my parts.

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What is there to say, really?

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The bird picks and guts at
one spot under her wing,

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beak swollen with color
the way raindrops become

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fat and fallopian, the
way the day wanes slowly,

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as if without resistance.

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Isn't cloudiness a kind
of inherent eclipse?

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And don't we use our eyes like
bludgeons, like vacuum cleaners

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or tire irons?

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This day pocked with
tiny, spicy failures,

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gingered gasps hushed with
their own bounded selves.

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Dear antidote, as if the yellow
gauzy membrane of debris that

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coats my body like a body
could shudder, could remove,

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could by excess alone
retract, recant, fall away.

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Installment number
six, it costs.

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More than, more than,
more than terse teeth

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or obtuse, nubile
remorse, so many stutters.

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Adolescence incomplete as
panties round knobby ankles.

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More than breathless sleaking up
against, nibbling the body down

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to capable necessity.

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There is a toll.

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Dear alphabetical amphetamine,
dear hydrangea, dear artichoke.

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