WEBVTT

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And so, 30 years ago, I
published Death Tractates,

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and it's just celebrated
its 30th year.

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So I'm going to
read the first poem.

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And I wrote this
book because there

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were very few-- there was very
little literature about women

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mourning for women.

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"First Tractate"

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A tractate is just
a little essay.

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"That the soul got to choose.

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Nothing else

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got to but the soul

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got to choose.

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That it was very
clever, stepping

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from Lightworld to lightworld

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as an egret fishes through
its smeared reflections--

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Through its deaths--

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for it believed in the one life,

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that it would last forever.

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When she had just started
being dead I called to her.

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Plum trees were
waiting to be entered,

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the swirling way they have,

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each a shower of

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What.

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Each one full of the hope,

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and of the repetitions--

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When she'd been dead a while

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I called again.

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I thought she was
superior somehow

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because she'd become invisible,

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because she'd become subtle

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among the shapes--

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and at first she didn't
answer; everything answered.

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Tell now red-tailed hawk--

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for we have heard the smallest
thing cry out beneath you--

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have you seen her?

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Red hawk-- thrush walking
up the ragged middle--

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have you seen her?

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Mockingbird with your trills

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and scallops, with
your second mouth

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in your throat of all things

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tell us--

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where is she whom we love?

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I closed my eyes and
saw the early spring,

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pretty spring, kind of a reward;

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I opened them and saw
the swirling world,

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thousands of qualified

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pinks, deer feeding

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on the torn changes

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and I wanted to go back
'from whence' I came.

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Up the coast,

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along sandbanks and spillways,

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the argued-about bays,
spring came forth

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with its this and
that, its I can't

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decide, as my life had

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before she died--
preblossoming--

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cranesbill, poppy--

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and I wanted to go back
'from whence' I came.

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Heart that can
still see our heart

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Heart that will not let us rest

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February evening--

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young mothers in the
drugstore with valentines

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all of which needed to be used.

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Packages of plain or lace ones

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stuck together.

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And the mothers

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proud of themselves
for remembering,

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the valentines slumped
down so the red

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merely looked promising

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but pressing up bravely anyhow--

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the awkwardness of what's here,

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ceaselessly trying
to arrange itself;

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I went out in the
night, I called out,

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I felt along the
edges of the panel--

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without her,

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everything seemed strange
to me in this world;

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just the taste of oranges--

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imagine!

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And all of this compared
to her seemed bulky.

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For weeks this was true.

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As if only being dead
were the right amount.

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Only being dead
were fragile enough

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for what the earth had to say.

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Clumsy.

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For a while.

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Clumsy.

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For a while it was too
much to go on living.

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Roadside acacias--

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All unzipped,

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like meaning.

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The ostinatos of the birds.

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Magnolias--
dogs'-tongues-- curved

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to spoon up rain.

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Too much shape.

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Even that which
was only suspected

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of having it-- the iris

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that lay in the ground
with their eyes of fate.

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And then the other voice said

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You who long for things

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who can't understand borders

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who like to spread your
magic and your blame

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forgive yourself.

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She'd given you an
impossible task--

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she said to follow
and you intended to.

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But you'd come to a
place in the forest

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Where there weren't
any tracks--"

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