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I've been reading
some Talmudic stories.

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And one that I liked was
about a certain rabbi

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who was bitten by a snake
while he was praying.

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And I thought how religious
schools through the ages

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had different interpretations
of this incident.

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And resulted in this poem,
which is called "Snake."

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"When the snake bit Rabbi Hanina
ben Dosa while he was praying,

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the snake died.

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Each day is attended by
surprises, or it is nothing.

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Question-- was the barefooted
smelly Rabbi more poisonous

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than the snake?

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Or so God-adulterated
he'd become

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immune to serpent poison?

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Oh great-great-great-uncles,
your palms weighing air,

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why are you arguing?

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Listen, the snake thought, being
old and unwell and bad-tempered

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as hell, death,
where's thy sting?

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In short, was just testing--

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a snake's last fling.

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Yes, the so-called
snake was dying anyway,

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its heart calcified
and as old as Eden.

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No, that snake was A1 fit,
but while hissing for fun

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it clumsily bit its own tongue.

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No, Hanina invented that
snake, not for his own sake,

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but for first-class
religious publicity.

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No, no, here's the key to it.

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Ask-- did the Rabbi, later
on, become a jumpy, timid man?

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Remember, he who has
been bitten by a snake

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thereafter becomes
frightened of a rope.

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Bearded men in darkening
rooms sipping lemon tea

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and arguing about the serpent
till the moon of Russia,

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of Latvia, Lithuania, Poland,
rose above the alien steeples,

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centuries of sleep.

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Now, tonight, a
clean-shaven rabbi

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who once studied in Vienna
says snake venom contains

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haemolysins, haemocoagulants,
protolysins, cytolysins,

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and neurotoxins.

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And that even in Hanina ben
Dosa's day a snake was a snake.

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Unless, of course,
it was a penis,

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an unruly penis, making
a noise like one pissing

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on a mound of fresh hot ashes.

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Oh great-great-great-uncles,
did you hear him?

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And are your handbones
weighing moonshine?"

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[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]

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