WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.610 align:middle line:90% Now I have a treat. 00:00:02.610 --> 00:00:03.780 align:middle line:90% I consider it a treat. 00:00:03.780 --> 00:00:05.370 align:middle line:84% I don't mean the poem but the reader. 00:00:05.370 --> 00:00:09.860 align:middle line:90% 00:00:09.860 --> 00:00:12.440 align:middle line:84% I have a poem for two voices, a man and a woman's voice. 00:00:12.440 --> 00:00:14.340 align:middle line:84% It is not an autobiographical poem. 00:00:14.340 --> 00:00:15.290 align:middle line:90% It's a poem about-- 00:00:15.290 --> 00:00:16.940 align:middle line:84% but it is a poem about two people 00:00:16.940 --> 00:00:19.280 align:middle line:84% who've been married for many years to each other. 00:00:19.280 --> 00:00:20.930 align:middle line:84% I couldn't have written it if I hadn't 00:00:20.930 --> 00:00:24.800 align:middle line:84% been married to the same woman for many years. 00:00:24.800 --> 00:00:29.270 align:middle line:84% And I have asked someone to help me read it. 00:00:29.270 --> 00:00:30.800 align:middle line:84% The woman I've asked to help me read 00:00:30.800 --> 00:00:32.600 align:middle line:84% it is a graduate student and a teaching 00:00:32.600 --> 00:00:35.780 align:middle line:84% assistant in the creative writing program, 00:00:35.780 --> 00:00:40.875 align:middle line:84% very fine poet, a very fine reader, talented in many areas. 00:00:40.875 --> 00:00:42.500 align:middle line:84% The thing I want to tell you about her, 00:00:42.500 --> 00:00:44.450 align:middle line:84% which you might not know, has to do 00:00:44.450 --> 00:00:48.620 align:middle line:84% with the show they had last summer in the art 00:00:48.620 --> 00:00:50.960 align:middle line:90% department, a photography show. 00:00:50.960 --> 00:00:51.752 align:middle line:90% I missed it. 00:00:51.752 --> 00:00:52.460 align:middle line:90% I'm sorry to say. 00:00:52.460 --> 00:00:53.600 align:middle line:90% I was out of town. 00:00:53.600 --> 00:00:56.270 align:middle line:90% But it was a banana show. 00:00:56.270 --> 00:00:58.400 align:middle line:84% Some of you know about that, I think. 00:00:58.400 --> 00:01:01.220 align:middle line:84% They had people submit photographs 00:01:01.220 --> 00:01:05.180 align:middle line:84% with titles like, Banana Descending a Staircase. 00:01:05.180 --> 00:01:06.860 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:06.860 --> 00:01:11.564 align:middle line:90% And they had, Whistler's Banana. 00:01:11.564 --> 00:01:14.336 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:14.336 --> 00:01:16.500 align:middle line:90% Banana on a Half Shell. 00:01:16.500 --> 00:01:17.000 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:17.000 --> 00:01:18.740 align:middle line:90% It must have been a-- 00:01:18.740 --> 00:01:20.097 align:middle line:90% must have been a wonderful show. 00:01:20.097 --> 00:01:21.430 align:middle line:90% You can do this with literature. 00:01:21.430 --> 00:01:22.448 align:middle line:90% No, it's a lot of fun. 00:01:22.448 --> 00:01:23.990 align:middle line:84% You could be reading Browning and you 00:01:23.990 --> 00:01:25.640 align:middle line:90% say, "this is my last banana." 00:01:25.640 --> 00:01:26.330 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:26.330 --> 00:01:30.342 align:middle line:90% And Eliot, Eliot is wonderful. 00:01:30.342 --> 00:01:31.550 align:middle line:90% Nothing is sacred, of course. 00:01:31.550 --> 00:01:32.342 align:middle line:90% Eliot is wonderful. 00:01:32.342 --> 00:01:35.960 align:middle line:84% It would be, "let us go then, you and I, for bananas 00:01:35.960 --> 00:01:37.730 align:middle line:90% are spread out against the sky." 00:01:37.730 --> 00:01:38.750 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:38.750 --> 00:01:42.380 align:middle line:84% "Like a patient etherized upon a table." 00:01:42.380 --> 00:01:46.310 align:middle line:84% This young lady, who is going to help me read this poem, 00:01:46.310 --> 00:01:48.170 align:middle line:84% was not a photographer in that contest. 00:01:48.170 --> 00:01:50.240 align:middle line:90% She was model. 00:01:50.240 --> 00:01:52.205 align:middle line:84% So it gives me great pleasure to present-- 00:01:52.205 --> 00:01:55.700 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:55.700 --> 00:01:59.570 align:middle line:84% It gives me a great pleasure to present, 00:01:59.570 --> 00:02:01.760 align:middle line:84% Miss Lynn Fleischman, the top banana. 00:02:01.760 --> 00:02:03.206 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:03.206 --> 00:02:09.970 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:02:09.970 --> 00:02:13.240 align:middle line:84% In this poem, the husband and wife 00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:15.160 align:middle line:90% are not speaking to each other. 00:02:15.160 --> 00:02:20.782 align:middle line:84% What you are hearing is their silent thoughts. 00:02:20.782 --> 00:02:22.240 align:middle line:84% I suppose the point of the poem is, 00:02:22.240 --> 00:02:24.370 align:middle line:84% can you have any silent thoughts after you've 00:02:24.370 --> 00:02:28.300 align:middle line:90% been married 22 years? 00:02:28.300 --> 00:02:30.650 align:middle line:84% I know sometimes my wife and I speak a private language. 00:02:30.650 --> 00:02:31.860 align:middle line:90% We're not aware of it. 00:02:31.860 --> 00:02:36.800 align:middle line:84% We speak sort of subconsciously to each other. 00:02:36.800 --> 00:02:40.720 align:middle line:84% And I think all couples, if they're compatible, 00:02:40.720 --> 00:02:42.970 align:middle line:84% do that without really knowing it. 00:02:42.970 --> 00:02:46.960 align:middle line:84% I think the thing that really kicked this poem 00:02:46.960 --> 00:02:49.570 align:middle line:84% into being was a situation in which I 00:02:49.570 --> 00:02:51.850 align:middle line:84% was telling a friend about a wonderful dream I'd had. 00:02:51.850 --> 00:02:53.170 align:middle line:90% I was narrating the dream. 00:02:53.170 --> 00:02:56.380 align:middle line:84% I got halfway through it and realized it wasn't my dream. 00:02:56.380 --> 00:02:57.880 align:middle line:90% It was my wife's dream. 00:02:57.880 --> 00:02:59.780 align:middle line:90% She had told me the dream. 00:02:59.780 --> 00:03:00.340 align:middle line:90% And I had-- 00:03:00.340 --> 00:03:01.600 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:01.600 --> 00:03:04.600 align:middle line:84% But it was so right that I just thought it was my dream, 00:03:04.600 --> 00:03:05.800 align:middle line:90% and I remember dreaming it. 00:03:05.800 --> 00:03:08.830 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:03:08.830 --> 00:03:11.863 align:middle line:84% And that's sort of what happens when 00:03:11.863 --> 00:03:13.030 align:middle line:90% you married all these years. 00:03:13.030 --> 00:03:17.080 align:middle line:84% But I stress, the poem is not autobiographical. 00:03:17.080 --> 00:03:24.400 align:middle line:84% The title of the poem is, "A Bird in the Hand: Two Solos." 00:03:24.400 --> 00:03:27.130 align:middle line:84% There was nothing wrong with our dreams. 00:03:27.130 --> 00:03:30.160 align:middle line:84% They fit us like scales on a fish. 00:03:30.160 --> 00:03:32.980 align:middle line:84% Our dreams of patience and goodness 00:03:32.980 --> 00:03:35.170 align:middle line:90% were not beyond our abilities. 00:03:35.170 --> 00:03:38.560 align:middle line:84% And our dreams of sex were harmless. 00:03:38.560 --> 00:03:40.720 align:middle line:84% There was nothing wrong with our dreams, 00:03:40.720 --> 00:03:44.350 align:middle line:84% except they were the wrong dreams for us. 00:03:44.350 --> 00:03:47.090 align:middle line:84% Now, we see we had little choice. 00:03:47.090 --> 00:03:49.450 align:middle line:84% And once we had chosen each other, 00:03:49.450 --> 00:03:51.670 align:middle line:90% even that was taken away. 00:03:51.670 --> 00:03:55.000 align:middle line:84% When I reached out with my right hand and touched you, 00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:57.040 align:middle line:84% I knew everything had been planned. 00:03:57.040 --> 00:04:00.430 align:middle line:84% Even what I am saying now, had been prepared for me to say. 00:04:00.430 --> 00:04:04.210 align:middle line:84% And if I had reached out with my left hand, at a different time, 00:04:04.210 --> 00:04:06.790 align:middle line:84% on a different day, you would have been there. 00:04:06.790 --> 00:04:08.470 align:middle line:84% And everything would be the same. 00:04:08.470 --> 00:04:11.890 align:middle line:84% Coming of age, I found myself in the desert 00:04:11.890 --> 00:04:13.930 align:middle line:90% following the wrong leader. 00:04:13.930 --> 00:04:16.120 align:middle line:84% But how could I have abandoned you 00:04:16.120 --> 00:04:19.300 align:middle line:84% when I knew you would perish without me? 00:04:19.300 --> 00:04:24.310 align:middle line:84% So I said, let it ride, and I rode with it through a God 00:04:24.310 --> 00:04:29.380 align:middle line:84% forsaken land without trees or flowers or anything beautiful, 00:04:29.380 --> 00:04:32.980 align:middle line:84% while the wind played my ribs like a harp. 00:04:32.980 --> 00:04:35.770 align:middle line:84% I don't enjoy being laughed at, but I 00:04:35.770 --> 00:04:39.160 align:middle line:84% have learned to practice a certain amount of madness, 00:04:39.160 --> 00:04:42.940 align:middle line:84% most difficult of the arts and the least rewarding. 00:04:42.940 --> 00:04:46.330 align:middle line:84% Before we realized what they were, they were over. 00:04:46.330 --> 00:04:48.790 align:middle line:84% Those days when we lived in furnished rooms 00:04:48.790 --> 00:04:51.160 align:middle line:84% and could laugh at their ugliness. 00:04:51.160 --> 00:04:54.310 align:middle line:84% Later, well on our way and established 00:04:54.310 --> 00:04:56.890 align:middle line:84% in our own shambles, drinking good wines 00:04:56.890 --> 00:05:00.010 align:middle line:84% and eating good salads, we gave up bread and butter 00:05:00.010 --> 00:05:04.630 align:middle line:84% and those private days, those brief, beautiful days, 00:05:04.630 --> 00:05:07.180 align:middle line:90% gladly as if we had a choice. 00:05:07.180 --> 00:05:09.310 align:middle line:90% I keep busy all day. 00:05:09.310 --> 00:05:13.060 align:middle line:84% But when the sun goes down, I seem to go with it. 00:05:13.060 --> 00:05:16.120 align:middle line:84% Once, I walked out the door and entered night 00:05:16.120 --> 00:05:19.840 align:middle line:84% because it was there and because it promised everything. 00:05:19.840 --> 00:05:23.950 align:middle line:84% But what became of the promises we didn't live up to? 00:05:23.950 --> 00:05:28.150 align:middle line:84% Only the young are aware of life burning at their shoulders. 00:05:28.150 --> 00:05:30.520 align:middle line:90% Only they know his touch. 00:05:30.520 --> 00:05:35.170 align:middle line:84% Later, it is all speculation and empty phone booths waiting 00:05:35.170 --> 00:05:37.150 align:middle line:90% for violent acts of love. 00:05:37.150 --> 00:05:40.360 align:middle line:84% I keep telling myself I will feel better tomorrow, 00:05:40.360 --> 00:05:42.070 align:middle line:90% but I don't believe it. 00:05:42.070 --> 00:05:44.290 align:middle line:90% There is always tomorrow night. 00:05:44.290 --> 00:05:48.940 align:middle line:84% I saw you sleeping, knees bent to the right a little apart, 00:05:48.940 --> 00:05:52.330 align:middle line:84% head turned to the left, right arm at your side, 00:05:52.330 --> 00:05:56.230 align:middle line:84% your hand caught in the wildness of your hair. 00:05:56.230 --> 00:05:58.630 align:middle line:84% Until I saw you like that, I never 00:05:58.630 --> 00:06:01.960 align:middle line:84% understood why there were so many paintings of nudes. 00:06:01.960 --> 00:06:03.460 align:middle line:90% We are separate people. 00:06:03.460 --> 00:06:07.900 align:middle line:84% Each what he fears most, each his own trap, his own bait, 00:06:07.900 --> 00:06:09.730 align:middle line:90% his own victim. 00:06:09.730 --> 00:06:12.360 align:middle line:84% I'm not responsible for your life. 00:06:12.360 --> 00:06:15.250 align:middle line:84% You are not responsible for mine. 00:06:15.250 --> 00:06:19.760 align:middle line:84% I wanted to get married, and you thought that meant I loved you. 00:06:19.760 --> 00:06:23.380 align:middle line:84% Now, you're going deaf, and I pity you. 00:06:23.380 --> 00:06:25.450 align:middle line:84% How hard it must be for a man who 00:06:25.450 --> 00:06:27.520 align:middle line:90% has been blind all these years. 00:06:27.520 --> 00:06:31.600 align:middle line:84% There are others who had all the advantages I had and kept them. 00:06:31.600 --> 00:06:35.080 align:middle line:84% But deafness grows on my family tree like a vine, 00:06:35.080 --> 00:06:37.870 align:middle line:84% choosing one limb and avoiding another. 00:06:37.870 --> 00:06:41.030 align:middle line:84% Now that my ears have started to go blind, 00:06:41.030 --> 00:06:44.080 align:middle line:84% I find myself among the chosen, and someday I 00:06:44.080 --> 00:06:47.110 align:middle line:84% will hear the true sound of darkness. 00:06:47.110 --> 00:06:50.650 align:middle line:84% I have learned to expose my eyes to the lips of strangers 00:06:50.650 --> 00:06:54.910 align:middle line:84% and understand what they cannot say, living as I do, 00:06:54.910 --> 00:06:59.020 align:middle line:84% with my secrets and heard and listening always with my eyes, 00:06:59.020 --> 00:07:02.560 align:middle line:84% how can I blame you if you turn your face away? 00:07:02.560 --> 00:07:07.930 align:middle line:84% All afternoon, your shadow, your only child grew taller. 00:07:07.930 --> 00:07:10.960 align:middle line:84% Now, he is leaving, and you will be alone 00:07:10.960 --> 00:07:13.990 align:middle line:84% in the darkness that has been, and the darkness that 00:07:13.990 --> 00:07:17.050 align:middle line:90% is coming, the same darkness. 00:07:17.050 --> 00:07:20.140 align:middle line:84% Bright moons in the blood move on 00:07:20.140 --> 00:07:24.670 align:middle line:84% as water moves in the bed of a river, sleeping at night 00:07:24.670 --> 00:07:27.460 align:middle line:90% and waking somewhere else. 00:07:27.460 --> 00:07:32.830 align:middle line:84% Once I turned quickly and saw you looking only at me. 00:07:32.830 --> 00:07:35.470 align:middle line:84% Even if I could explain, I wouldn't. 00:07:35.470 --> 00:07:39.250 align:middle line:84% Even if I could explain to you, I would, oh I would, 00:07:39.250 --> 00:07:42.730 align:middle line:84% how any love story is a sad story. 00:07:42.730 --> 00:07:47.570 align:middle line:84% And we kiss ourselves goodbye each time we kiss each other. 00:07:47.570 --> 00:07:51.700 align:middle line:84% Those who have no children become the children they were. 00:07:51.700 --> 00:07:53.410 align:middle line:84% And those who have several children 00:07:53.410 --> 00:07:56.830 align:middle line:84% extend themselves like fingers stretching into deep grass. 00:07:56.830 --> 00:07:59.920 align:middle line:84% But we have only one child, and both of us 00:07:59.920 --> 00:08:04.100 align:middle line:84% must crowd into his body, elbowing each other for space. 00:08:04.100 --> 00:08:07.480 align:middle line:84% I remember when this photograph was taken. 00:08:07.480 --> 00:08:10.285 align:middle line:84% The aperture opened on my life as it 00:08:10.285 --> 00:08:13.960 align:middle line:84% was, as it appeared to be, with the eyes of a deer 00:08:13.960 --> 00:08:18.250 align:middle line:84% on the wall and a tongue, which could tell the truth. 00:08:18.250 --> 00:08:20.590 align:middle line:90% But the other was easier. 00:08:20.590 --> 00:08:23.470 align:middle line:84% My life created for me, and I like 00:08:23.470 --> 00:08:26.980 align:middle line:84% a fool accepted it with its hand over its mouth 00:08:26.980 --> 00:08:29.080 align:middle line:90% to hide the bleeding. 00:08:29.080 --> 00:08:33.070 align:middle line:84% Waiting on the steps of the front porch for years saying, 00:08:33.070 --> 00:08:34.059 align:middle line:90% you are young. 00:08:34.059 --> 00:08:36.370 align:middle line:90% You will find somebody. 00:08:36.370 --> 00:08:40.539 align:middle line:84% My life with a life of its own daring me to leave it. 00:08:40.539 --> 00:08:42.549 align:middle line:90% Saying, I am all I have. 00:08:42.549 --> 00:08:44.530 align:middle line:90% It isn't enough. 00:08:44.530 --> 00:08:47.560 align:middle line:84% Waiting is hardest, but we have to wait for the good things 00:08:47.560 --> 00:08:48.790 align:middle line:90% to come to us. 00:08:48.790 --> 00:08:51.910 align:middle line:84% I always have this next thing to do while I'm waiting, 00:08:51.910 --> 00:08:54.490 align:middle line:84% something important that needs to be done-- 00:08:54.490 --> 00:08:57.640 align:middle line:84% a dog to be fed, a plant to be watered. 00:08:57.640 --> 00:08:59.210 align:middle line:90% I had two friends. 00:08:59.210 --> 00:09:00.340 align:middle line:90% One is gone. 00:09:00.340 --> 00:09:01.880 align:middle line:90% The other is dead. 00:09:01.880 --> 00:09:04.330 align:middle line:84% Now our son is grown up and no longer needs me. 00:09:04.330 --> 00:09:08.260 align:middle line:84% And you say I am the cause of all your unhappiness. 00:09:08.260 --> 00:09:11.920 align:middle line:84% These things are true, but there is always this next thing 00:09:11.920 --> 00:09:15.130 align:middle line:84% to do, something important that needs to be done, 00:09:15.130 --> 00:09:16.270 align:middle line:90% while I am waiting. 00:09:16.270 --> 00:09:19.690 align:middle line:84% Ambition, worm in my bowels, the more I 00:09:19.690 --> 00:09:22.450 align:middle line:90% starve you, the more you grow. 00:09:22.450 --> 00:09:24.640 align:middle line:84% Others have killed their thousands, 00:09:24.640 --> 00:09:27.880 align:middle line:84% but you have killed your tens of thousands. 00:09:27.880 --> 00:09:31.420 align:middle line:84% I tell you, the stars can see only into the past. 00:09:31.420 --> 00:09:35.230 align:middle line:84% They do not know what I am doing and do not care. 00:09:35.230 --> 00:09:39.760 align:middle line:84% And the moon, which knows everything, cares even less. 00:09:39.760 --> 00:09:42.700 align:middle line:84% But you answer me with the story about water 00:09:42.700 --> 00:09:47.530 align:middle line:84% always running away from home and returning purified. 00:09:47.530 --> 00:09:49.480 align:middle line:90% Years ago, I took this woman. 00:09:49.480 --> 00:09:52.550 align:middle line:84% You took this man, and we kept each other. 00:09:52.550 --> 00:09:55.570 align:middle line:84% But each of us still wants to be a victim, as if love 00:09:55.570 --> 00:09:57.730 align:middle line:84% were an accident caused by carelessness, 00:09:57.730 --> 00:10:00.820 align:middle line:84% and we could hold one another responsible. 00:10:00.820 --> 00:10:03.730 align:middle line:84% In order to get what we need from each other, 00:10:03.730 --> 00:10:06.550 align:middle line:84% what have we traded except parts of our lives, 00:10:06.550 --> 00:10:08.530 align:middle line:90% huge parts of our lives? 00:10:08.530 --> 00:10:11.530 align:middle line:84% And what have we gained except huge parts 00:10:11.530 --> 00:10:12.820 align:middle line:90% of each other's lives? 00:10:12.820 --> 00:10:16.030 align:middle line:84% Love always gives more than we bargained for. 00:10:16.030 --> 00:10:19.660 align:middle line:84% I heard a bird cry a name, and when I looked, 00:10:19.660 --> 00:10:23.920 align:middle line:84% I found you in the trap of my hand crying and name 00:10:23.920 --> 00:10:27.310 align:middle line:84% I could not understand, your own or the name 00:10:27.310 --> 00:10:28.750 align:middle line:90% of someone you lost. 00:10:28.750 --> 00:10:30.850 align:middle line:90% It was never mine. 00:10:30.850 --> 00:10:35.290 align:middle line:84% I tried to find someone to love me before it was too late, 00:10:35.290 --> 00:10:36.760 align:middle line:90% but there was no one. 00:10:36.760 --> 00:10:40.480 align:middle line:84% I heard a bird call my name, but when I found the bird 00:10:40.480 --> 00:10:43.300 align:middle line:84% it was you caught in the trap of my hand. 00:10:43.300 --> 00:10:45.070 align:middle line:90% And what I heard was your pain. 00:10:45.070 --> 00:10:46.750 align:middle line:90% It has always been. 00:10:46.750 --> 00:10:50.680 align:middle line:84% I tried to find a place where I could not hear that sound, 00:10:50.680 --> 00:10:52.120 align:middle line:90% and there was no place. 00:10:52.120 --> 00:10:53.650 align:middle line:90% I heard a bird cry a name. 00:10:53.650 --> 00:10:55.078 align:middle line:90% I heard a bird call my name. 00:10:55.078 --> 00:10:55.870 align:middle line:90% And when I looked-- 00:10:55.870 --> 00:10:56.710 align:middle line:90% It was you. 00:10:56.710 --> 00:10:57.895 align:middle line:90% In the trap of my hand-- 00:10:57.895 --> 00:10:59.020 align:middle line:90% What I heard was your pain. 00:10:59.020 --> 00:11:00.838 align:middle line:84% Crying a name I could not understand. 00:11:00.838 --> 00:11:01.630 align:middle line:90% It has always been. 00:11:01.630 --> 00:11:03.700 align:middle line:84% Your own or the name of someone you lost. 00:11:03.700 --> 00:11:04.450 align:middle line:90% It was never mine. 00:11:04.450 --> 00:11:05.420 align:middle line:90% I tried to find-- 00:11:05.420 --> 00:11:05.920 align:middle line:90% A place. 00:11:05.920 --> 00:11:06.910 align:middle line:90% Someone to love me. 00:11:06.910 --> 00:11:08.140 align:middle line:90% But there is no other place. 00:11:08.140 --> 00:11:11.500 align:middle line:90% There is no other one. 00:11:11.500 --> 00:11:15.150 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:11:15.150 --> 00:11:29.000 align:middle line:90%