WEBVTT

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Now The Bus to Veracruz is a
prose piece from the new book

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coming out in November.

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I don't know how
to categorize it.

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It's a prose piece.

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It was published in
the Antioch Review

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and they sent me the contract.

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It said short story on it.

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But I know it isn't
a short story.

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I know that much.

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But I took the money, anyway.

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It's just a prose
piece, and I don't

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think you can categorize
it any further than that.

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In Mexico, the most macho
thing next to a bullfighter

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is the bus driver.

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And each takes great
care of his own bus,

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whether it's a city bus
or cross-country bus.

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And they fix them
all up on the inside.

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They put all their
stuff in the front

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and then bright lights
and velvet and gold braid.

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And they're really incredible.

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And the drivers are very
jealous of their own buses

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and very macho.

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I was once in a bus wreck.

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Two city buses in Merida in
Yucatan collided at high speed,

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and I was on one of them.

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And instead of checking to
see if anybody was hurt,

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the two bus drivers got out
in the middle of the street

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and began to beat the
hell out of each other.

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And this was considered
standard procedure, very much.

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In Guadalajara,
there was bus drivers

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who, especially at night
during the late runs when

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only men were on the bus,
would not stop to let you off.

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And how macho you were
was judged the speed

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at which you could jump off.

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And if you could jump
off at 5 miles an hour,

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you were a sissy.

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If you could jump off at 15
miles an hour, you were macho.

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And I once jumped off
at 15 miles an hour

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and went tail over
teakettle in a mud puddle

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and destroyed my clothes and
everything, but when I got up,

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they were cheering as the
bus went down the road.

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So I knew I'd made it.

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But there is in this
piece a description

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of a bus, which may
seem rather fanciful

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but really it's not
too awfully fanciful.

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The Bus to Veracruz.

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The mail is slow
here; if I died,

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I wouldn't find out
about it for a long time.

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Perhaps I'm dead already.

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At any rate, I am living
in the wrong tense

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of a foreign language.

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And have almost no verbs
and only a few nouns

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to prove I exist.

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When I need a word, I fumble
among the nouns and find one.

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But so many are similar
in size and color.

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I'm apt to come up with Caballo
instead of Caballero or Carne

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instead of Casa.

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When that happens, I become
confused and drop the words.

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They roll across the tile
floor in all directions.

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Then I get down on
my hands and knees

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and crawl through a forest of
legs, reaching under tables

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and chairs to retrieve them.

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But I am no longer embarrassed
about crawling around

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on the floor in
public places, I've

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come to realize that I am
invisible most of the time,

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and have been since
I crossed the border.

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All the floors are tiled.

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All the tiles are mottled with
the same disquieting pattern

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in one of three muddy colors,
shades of yellow, purple,

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or green.

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They make me think of dried
vomit, desiccated liver,

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and scum on a pond.

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The floor of my room is
dried vomit with a border

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of scum on a pond.

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And like most of the floors,
it has several tiles missing,

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which is a great blessing to me.

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These lacunae are
oases in the desert

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where I can rest my eyes.

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The nausea from which I
suffer so much of the time

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is not caused by the food
or water but by the flaws.

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I know this because when I
sit in the town square, which

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is covered with concrete of no
particular color, the nausea

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subsides.

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The town is small,
although larger

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than it would seem
to a visitor if there

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were any visitors, and remote.

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It has no landing field
for even small planes

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and the nearest railroad
is almost 100 kilometers

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to the east.

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The only bus goes to Veracruz.

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Often, I stop at the bus
terminal to ask about the bus

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to Veracruz.

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The floor of the
bus terminal is scum

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on a pond with a border
of desiccated liver

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but there are many
tiles missing.

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The terminal is always deserted,
except for Rafael and Estaban,

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sometimes sitting
on a bench inside,

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sometimes lounging
just outside the door.

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They are young, barefoot,
and incredibly handsome.

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I buy them Cocas
from the machine

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and we have learned to
communicate in our fashion.

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When I am with them, I am glad
to be invisible, glad that they

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never look directly at me.

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I could not bear the soft
velvet and vulnerability

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of those magnificent eyes.

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When does the bus
leave for Veracruz?

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I ask them.

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I have practiced this
many times and I'm

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sure I have the right tense.

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But the words rise to the
ceiling, burst and fall

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as confetti around us.

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A few pieces catch
in their dark hair

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and reflect the
light like jewels.

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Rafael rubs his
foot on the floor;

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Estaban stares out
the filthy window.

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Are they sad, I
wonder, because they

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believe there is
no bus to Veracruz

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or because they don't
know when it leaves?

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Is there a bus to Veracruz?

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Suddenly, they are happy.

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Their hands fly like
vivacious birds.

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Si hay, por supuesto, señor.

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Es verdad.

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They believe truly in
the bus to Veracruz.

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Again, I ask them when it
leaves: silence and sadness.

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Rafael studies one of
the tiles on the floor

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as if it contains
the answer, Estaban

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turns back to the window.

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I buy them Cocas from
the machine and go away.

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Once a week, I stop
at the post office

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to get my mail from the ancient
woman in the metal cage.

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And each week I
receive one letter.

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Actually, the
letters are not mine.

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And the ancient
woman has probably

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known this for a long time.

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But we never speak of it.

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And she continues to
hand me the letters,

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smiling and nodding
in her coquettish way,

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eager to please me.

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Her hair is braided
with colored ribbons,

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and her large silver
earrings jingle

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when she bobs her head, which
she does with the greatest

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enthusiasm when I appear.

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I could not estimate
how old she is.

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Perhaps even she has forgotten.

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But she must have been a
great beauty at one time.

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Now she sits all day in
the metal cage in the post

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office, a friendly apparition
whose bright red lipstick is

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all the more startling
because she has no teeth.

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The first time I
entered the post office,

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it was merely on an
impulse to please her.

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I was expecting no mail,
since no one knew who I was.

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But each time I
passed, I had seen her

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through the window,
seated in her a metal

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cage with no customers
to break the monotony.

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She always smiled and nodded
at me through the window,

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eager for any diversion.

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Finally, one day, I
went in on the pretext

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of calling for my mail, although
I knew there would be none.

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To avoid the confusion which
my accent always causes,

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I wrote my name on a slip of
paper and presented it to her.

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Her tiny hands darted
among the pigeon holes

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and to my astonishment,
she presented me

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with a letter, which
was addressed to me

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and care of general delivery.

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She was so delighted
with her success

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that I simply took the
letter and went away

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unwilling to disillusion her.

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As soon as I opened the
letter, the mystery was solved.

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My name is fairly
common; the letter

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was intended for someone
else with the same name.

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It was written on blue paper in
flawless Palmer method script,

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and signed by a woman.

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It was undated, and there
was no return address.

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But it was in English,
and I read it shamelessly.

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Savoring each phrase,
I rationalized

00:08:13.820 --> 00:08:16.160 align:middle line:84%
by convincing myself
that the mail was

00:08:16.160 --> 00:08:19.430 align:middle line:84%
so slow the man to whom
the letter had been written

00:08:19.430 --> 00:08:23.030 align:middle line:84%
was probably already dead and
could not object to my reading

00:08:23.030 --> 00:08:24.560 align:middle line:90%
his mail.

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But I knew before
I finish the letter

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that I would return
to the post office

00:08:28.910 --> 00:08:31.760 align:middle line:84%
later on the chance
there might be others.

00:08:31.760 --> 00:08:35.539 align:middle line:84%
She loved him, she thought
he was still alive.

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Since then, I have received
one letter each week

00:08:39.770 --> 00:08:42.320 align:middle line:84%
to the enormous delight of
my ancient friend in the post

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office.

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I take the letters home
and steam them open,

00:08:45.950 --> 00:08:49.040 align:middle line:84%
careful not to leave marks
on the delicate paper.

00:08:49.040 --> 00:08:51.020 align:middle line:84%
They are always
from the same woman.

00:08:51.020 --> 00:08:53.570 align:middle line:84%
And I feel by now
that I know her.

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Sometimes I dream about
her, as if she were someone

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I knew in the past.

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She is blonde and slender, no
longer young but far from old.

00:09:03.480 --> 00:09:05.600 align:middle line:84%
I can see her long
graceful fingers

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holding the pen as she writes.

00:09:07.310 --> 00:09:10.850 align:middle line:84%
And sometimes she reaches
up to brush a strand of hair

00:09:10.850 --> 00:09:12.500 align:middle line:90%
away from her face.

00:09:12.500 --> 00:09:18.050 align:middle line:84%
Even that slight gesture has
the eloquence of a blessing.

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When I have read each
letter until I can remember

00:09:20.120 --> 00:09:23.240 align:middle line:90%
it word for word, I reseal it.

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Then after dark, I take
it back to the post office

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by a circuitous route,
avoiding anyone who might

00:09:28.880 --> 00:09:31.340 align:middle line:90%
be on the street at that hour.

00:09:31.340 --> 00:09:34.190 align:middle line:84%
The post office is always
open, but the metal cage

00:09:34.190 --> 00:09:37.280 align:middle line:84%
is closed ans the ancient
one is gone for the night.

00:09:37.280 --> 00:09:41.540 align:middle line:84%
I drop the letter into the
dead letter box and hurry away.

00:09:41.540 --> 00:09:43.580 align:middle line:84%
At first, I had no
curiosity about what

00:09:43.580 --> 00:09:45.980 align:middle line:84%
happened to the letters
after they left my hands,

00:09:45.980 --> 00:09:48.800 align:middle line:84%
then I began to wonder if
they were destroyed or sent

00:09:48.800 --> 00:09:52.550 align:middle line:84%
to some central office where in
an attempt to locate the sender

00:09:52.550 --> 00:09:55.430 align:middle line:84%
and return them,
someone might discover

00:09:55.430 --> 00:09:57.350 align:middle line:90%
that they had been opened.

00:09:57.350 --> 00:10:00.770 align:middle line:84%
Still later, the idea that
some nameless official

00:10:00.770 --> 00:10:03.380 align:middle line:84%
in a distant city
might be reading them

00:10:03.380 --> 00:10:06.020 align:middle line:90%
became almost unbearable to me.

00:10:06.020 --> 00:10:08.180 align:middle line:84%
It was more and more
difficult to remember

00:10:08.180 --> 00:10:10.010 align:middle line:90%
that they were not my letters.

00:10:10.010 --> 00:10:12.740 align:middle line:84%
I could not bear to think
of anyone else reading

00:10:12.740 --> 00:10:16.880 align:middle line:84%
her words, sensing her
hesitations and tenderness.

00:10:16.880 --> 00:10:20.060 align:middle line:90%
At last, I decided to find out.

00:10:20.060 --> 00:10:21.350 align:middle line:90%
It took months of work.

00:10:21.350 --> 00:10:24.320 align:middle line:84%
But with practice, I became
clever at concealing myself

00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:26.600 align:middle line:84%
in shadowy doorways
and watching.

00:10:26.600 --> 00:10:30.020 align:middle line:84%
I have learned that once a
week, a nondescript man carrying

00:10:30.020 --> 00:10:33.680 align:middle line:84%
a canvas bag enters the post
office through the back door,

00:10:33.680 --> 00:10:36.440 align:middle line:84%
just as the ancient woman
is closing her metal

00:10:36.440 --> 00:10:38.030 align:middle line:90%
cage for the night.

00:10:38.030 --> 00:10:40.340 align:middle line:84%
She empties the contents
of the dead letter box

00:10:40.340 --> 00:10:44.090 align:middle line:84%
into his canvas bag and he
leaves by the door he came in.

00:10:44.090 --> 00:10:47.180 align:middle line:84%
The man then begins a
devious journey which

00:10:47.180 --> 00:10:49.130 align:middle line:90%
continues long into the night.

00:10:49.130 --> 00:10:51.830 align:middle line:84%
Many nights, I have lost him,
and have had to begin again

00:10:51.830 --> 00:10:52.940 align:middle line:90%
the following week.

00:10:52.940 --> 00:10:56.570 align:middle line:84%
He doubles back through alleys
and down obscure streets.

00:10:56.570 --> 00:10:59.480 align:middle line:84%
Several times, he enters
deserted buildings by one door

00:10:59.480 --> 00:11:00.770 align:middle line:90%
and emerges from another.

00:11:00.770 --> 00:11:03.980 align:middle line:84%
He crosses the cemetery and
goes through the cathedral.

00:11:03.980 --> 00:11:09.260 align:middle line:84%
But finally, he arrives at his
destination, the bus terminal.

00:11:09.260 --> 00:11:12.500 align:middle line:84%
And they're concealed
behind huge doors

00:11:12.500 --> 00:11:16.580 align:middle line:84%
which can be raised to the
ceiling as the bus to Veracruz.

00:11:16.580 --> 00:11:20.150 align:middle line:84%
The man places his canvas bag
in the luggage compartment,

00:11:20.150 --> 00:11:23.540 align:middle line:84%
slams the metal cover with
a great echoing clang,

00:11:23.540 --> 00:11:25.610 align:middle line:90%
and goes away.

00:11:25.610 --> 00:11:30.170 align:middle line:84%
And later, at some unspecified
hour, the bus to Veracruz

00:11:30.170 --> 00:11:32.600 align:middle line:84%
rolls silently out
of the terminal,

00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:36.320 align:middle line:84%
a luxury liner leaving port
with all its windows blazing.

00:11:36.320 --> 00:11:38.990 align:middle line:84%
It has three yellow lights
above the windshield

00:11:38.990 --> 00:11:41.630 align:middle line:84%
and three gold stars
along each side.

00:11:41.630 --> 00:11:44.630 align:middle line:84%
The seats are red velvet
and there are gold tassels

00:11:44.630 --> 00:11:46.010 align:middle line:90%
between the windows.

00:11:46.010 --> 00:11:48.380 align:middle line:84%
The dashboard is
draped with brocade

00:11:48.380 --> 00:11:54.200 align:middle line:84%
in the richest shades of
yellow, purple, and green.

00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:58.190 align:middle line:84%
And on this altar is a
statue of the Virgin, blonde

00:11:58.190 --> 00:11:59.270 align:middle line:90%
and shimmering.

00:11:59.270 --> 00:12:03.440 align:middle line:84%
Her slender fingers are
extended to bless all those who

00:12:03.440 --> 00:12:05.750 align:middle line:90%
ride the bus to Veracruz.

00:12:05.750 --> 00:12:08.600 align:middle line:84%
But the only passenger
is an ancient woman

00:12:08.600 --> 00:12:12.430 align:middle line:84%
with silver earrings who sits by
the window nodding and smiling

00:12:12.430 --> 00:12:14.830 align:middle line:90%
to the empty seats around her.

00:12:14.830 --> 00:12:18.770 align:middle line:84%
There are two drivers who take
turns during the long journey.

00:12:18.770 --> 00:12:21.490 align:middle line:84%
They are young and
incredibly handsome,

00:12:21.490 --> 00:12:24.760 align:middle line:84%
with eyes as soft as the
wings of certain luminous

00:12:24.760 --> 00:12:26.770 align:middle line:90%
brown models.

00:12:26.770 --> 00:12:30.730 align:middle line:84%
The bus moves through sleeping
streets without making a sound.

00:12:30.730 --> 00:12:33.850 align:middle line:84%
When it gets to the highway,
it turns toward Veracruz

00:12:33.850 --> 00:12:35.230 align:middle line:90%
and gathers speed.

00:12:35.230 --> 00:12:36.790 align:middle line:90%
Then nothing can stop it.

00:12:36.790 --> 00:12:39.250 align:middle line:84%
Not the, rain or the
washed out bridges,

00:12:39.250 --> 00:12:42.070 align:middle line:84%
nor the sharp mountain curves,
nor the people who stand

00:12:42.070 --> 00:12:44.620 align:middle line:90%
by the road to flag it down.

00:12:44.620 --> 00:12:47.260 align:middle line:84%
I believe in the
bus to Veracruz.

00:12:47.260 --> 00:12:50.830 align:middle line:84%
And someday, when I am too
tired to struggle any longer

00:12:50.830 --> 00:12:53.410 align:middle line:84%
with the verbs and
nouns, when the ugliness

00:12:53.410 --> 00:12:57.160 align:middle line:84%
and tedium of this place
overcome me, I will be on it.

00:12:57.160 --> 00:13:00.040 align:middle line:84%
I will board the bus with
my ticket in my hand.

00:13:00.040 --> 00:13:02.890 align:middle line:84%
The doors of the terminal
will rise to the ceiling,

00:13:02.890 --> 00:13:04.960 align:middle line:84%
and we will move
out to the darkness,

00:13:04.960 --> 00:13:09.190 align:middle line:84%
gathering speed like a
great island of light.

00:13:09.190 --> 00:13:09.760 align:middle line:90%
Thank you.

00:13:09.760 --> 00:13:13.110 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:13:13.110 --> 00:13:40.428 align:middle line:90%