13.
Trapped in one idea, you can't have your feelings.
Feelings are always about more than one thing.
You drag yourself back home, and it is autumn.
You can't concentrate.
You can't lie on the couch.
So you drive yourself for hours on the quiet roads,
crying at the wheel, watching the colors deepening, fading,
and winter is coming.
And you long for one idea, one simple, huge idea
to take this weight.
And you know will never find it, never,
because you don't want to find it.
You will drive and cry and come home and eat and listen
to the news.
And slowly, even at winter's edge,
the feelings come back in their shapes and colors, conflicting.
They come back.
They are changed.