WEBVTT

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This is well done
on a lawyer's side,

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stubbing our noses
at the middle class,

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then finally finding you're
paying the mortgage, right?

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So I wrote this.

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This is one that works
all over the world.

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I read this poem in Poland, see?

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Yeah, we have same problem here.

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Monologue.

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This is "The Middle Class
Blues" and it rhymes.

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People are very
embarrassed about rhyming.

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It's not supposed to be hip,
but it's OK to rhyme, OK?

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I mean, I just think
that's just another dogma.

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How many people have read
the Imagist Manifesto?

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Raise your hands.

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There you see.

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I'm thankful that
the faculty's here.

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Great.

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Raise your hands.

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[LAUGHTER]

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There's beautiful
niggas probably here.

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I'm glad to see that.

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But anyway, Imagists
say don't rhyme

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in a way with iambic
pentameter and also,

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being the devil's advocate
I kind of say, OK, if you're

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against it I won't use that.

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And if you think my rhymes
are bad, read Tennyson's, OK?

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[LAUGHTER]

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OK.

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Let me read our epigram first.

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"I know of a man who
treated his body like a dog.

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The dog ran away."

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OK?

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[LAUGHTER]

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This is "The Middle
Class Blues."

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I got the middle class blues,
I play by middle class rules,

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all this middle class life
is a life full of strife.

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The bourgeois state can
be a sweet and sour pill.

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When the first rolls around
you got to deal with the bills.

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So, hey, Mr. Bartender, bring
me a dry vermouth and gin,

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fix me a black olive, and a big
martini before I hit the wind.

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I constantly get headaches
and my back is often sore.

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Being the first
one on the freeway

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is becoming such a bore.

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At work they got a robot
that soon will have my job.

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I'm too old to start all
over, too old to learn to rob.

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So, hey, Mr. Bartender, bring
me a dry vermouth and gin,

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fix me a black olive, and a big
martini before I hit the wind.

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The roof is always leaking,
the plumbing needs some screws,

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everybody on the block it
seems knows how to barbecue.

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My next door neighbors
are ticked at me,

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my lawn is turning brown.

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There's always something
that must be fixed

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every time you turn around.

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So, hey, Mr. Bartender, bring
me a dry vermouth and gin,

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fix me a black olive, and a big
martini before I hit the wind.

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My son is getting married
to a woman older than me.

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He just turned 20 the other
week, she's going on 63.

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My daughter is on narcotics,
her eyes are always red,

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the car wouldn't
start this morning

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and I toss and turn in bed.

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So, hey, Mr. Bartender, bring
me a dry vermouth and gin,

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fix me a black olive, and a big
martini before I hit the wind.

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The communists say
I'm an ingrate,

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the capitalists took my
house, the old people

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say I neglect them, the
young call me a louse.

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The tax man sent me a letter,
he's coming here tonight,

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sometimes it's gets so heavy
at home, I'm never right.

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So, hey, Mr. Bartender, bring
me a dry vermouth and gin,

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fix me a black olive, and a big
martini before I hit the wind.

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The doctor says it's no
good to have this stress

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and mess, the ulcers that will
get you a classy middle class

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nest.

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A cat that won't eat store
food, must have its abalone,

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and don't forget the
deadline to pay the alimony.

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So, hey, Mr. Bartender, bring
me a dry vermouth and gin,

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fix me a black olive, and a big
martini before I hit the wind.

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Well, I'm tired of
paying the dentist

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and going under the knife and
doing all those things you

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do to stay the bourgeois life.

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The rich, they live in heaven.

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The poor they live in hell.

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And I live somewhere in between,
a sign outside says "For

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sale.".

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So, hey, Mr. Bartender, bring
me a dry vermouth and gin,

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fix me a black olive, and
a big martini, let me go on

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and get this win.

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[APPLAUSE]

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OK?

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Now, thank you.

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