WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.900 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.900 --> 00:00:04.950 align:middle line:90% This is now some chapters later. 00:00:04.950 --> 00:00:07.140 align:middle line:84% Camilla had lied to Stephen also because she 00:00:07.140 --> 00:00:08.850 align:middle line:90% didn't like stereotypes. 00:00:08.850 --> 00:00:10.650 align:middle line:84% Because she didn't like stereotypes, 00:00:10.650 --> 00:00:13.560 align:middle line:84% she presented herself as one, a hairdresser. 00:00:13.560 --> 00:00:15.510 align:middle line:84% She did it as a sort of challenge. 00:00:15.510 --> 00:00:18.930 align:middle line:84% Stephen, however treated her as a person: unique, 00:00:18.930 --> 00:00:21.090 align:middle line:90% the first and only of her kind. 00:00:21.090 --> 00:00:24.360 align:middle line:84% He took in all of her stories whole cloth. 00:00:24.360 --> 00:00:27.000 align:middle line:84% Because she didn't talk any further about her job, 00:00:27.000 --> 00:00:28.440 align:middle line:90% he didn't question it. 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:30.390 align:middle line:84% He had never known a hairdresser anyway 00:00:30.390 --> 00:00:32.310 align:middle line:90% and had no preconceptions. 00:00:32.310 --> 00:00:34.410 align:middle line:84% He was a romantic enough to enjoy 00:00:34.410 --> 00:00:36.750 align:middle line:84% the story of her poverty, which was true, 00:00:36.750 --> 00:00:40.560 align:middle line:84% and her fiance, her abrupt departure and so on. 00:00:40.560 --> 00:00:44.430 align:middle line:84% His eyes had opened wide, he asked a lot of questions. 00:00:44.430 --> 00:00:46.500 align:middle line:84% She had had to tax her imagination 00:00:46.500 --> 00:00:50.610 align:middle line:84% about the fictitious tea and cake ceremonies of the Swiss. 00:00:50.610 --> 00:00:53.580 align:middle line:84% In truth, Camilla was closer to 30 than to 20, 00:00:53.580 --> 00:00:55.500 align:middle line:84% and had been living most recently 00:00:55.500 --> 00:00:57.240 align:middle line:90% in Berlin for several years. 00:00:57.240 --> 00:01:00.240 align:middle line:84% She was a cutter, but not a hair cutter. 00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:02.850 align:middle line:84% She edited film for an industrial film production 00:01:02.850 --> 00:01:03.790 align:middle line:90% company. 00:01:03.790 --> 00:01:05.760 align:middle line:84% There was no art to her daily work. 00:01:05.760 --> 00:01:10.150 align:middle line:84% Someone else, the editor in chief, made the decisions 00:01:10.150 --> 00:01:13.080 align:middle line:84% and she made the actual physical splices. 00:01:13.080 --> 00:01:15.060 align:middle line:84% But like most cutters, she dreamed 00:01:15.060 --> 00:01:16.650 align:middle line:90% of being an editor in chief. 00:01:16.650 --> 00:01:20.100 align:middle line:84% She knew she was good enough: she had the eye, the instinct, 00:01:20.100 --> 00:01:21.780 align:middle line:84% the sense of rhythm and concision 00:01:21.780 --> 00:01:23.370 align:middle line:90% that governs any film. 00:01:23.370 --> 00:01:25.860 align:middle line:84% But the proper luck had not come her way. 00:01:25.860 --> 00:01:29.220 align:middle line:84% So she labored in the celluloid fields biding her time 00:01:29.220 --> 00:01:32.760 align:middle line:90% until she would be discovered. 00:01:32.760 --> 00:01:36.720 align:middle line:84% That's what she told herself anyway, it wasn't exactly true. 00:01:36.720 --> 00:01:40.020 align:middle line:84% In truth, her talent was evident to many people in Berlin, 00:01:40.020 --> 00:01:42.240 align:middle line:84% but she was frightened of the responsibility 00:01:42.240 --> 00:01:44.040 align:middle line:90% of being an editor in chief. 00:01:44.040 --> 00:01:46.230 align:middle line:84% There is something godlike and metaphysical 00:01:46.230 --> 00:01:47.760 align:middle line:90% about editing a film. 00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:51.000 align:middle line:84% One joins characters together and separates them. 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:54.870 align:middle line:84% One causes collisions between scenes and this very collision 00:01:54.870 --> 00:01:58.140 align:middle line:84% generates subliminal feelings and ideas. 00:01:58.140 --> 00:02:01.290 align:middle line:84% One creates a rhythm, a musicality from the parts 00:02:01.290 --> 00:02:02.240 align:middle line:90% to the whole. 00:02:02.240 --> 00:02:04.980 align:middle line:84% The director who goes over the rushes with the editor 00:02:04.980 --> 00:02:07.290 align:middle line:84% might say: no, I don't like that, 00:02:07.290 --> 00:02:10.530 align:middle line:84% but often the director allows the editor great latitude. 00:02:10.530 --> 00:02:14.497 align:middle line:84% Personal style, those subsumed to the product is important. 00:02:14.497 --> 00:02:16.080 align:middle line:84% There are many directors who will only 00:02:16.080 --> 00:02:19.620 align:middle line:84% work with a particular editor, it's a matter of chemistry. 00:02:19.620 --> 00:02:22.230 align:middle line:84% Camilla had been offered editor in chief positions 00:02:22.230 --> 00:02:26.520 align:middle line:84% on several occasions; each time she found reason to say no. 00:02:26.520 --> 00:02:28.650 align:middle line:84% Now and then when a friend in the business 00:02:28.650 --> 00:02:30.960 align:middle line:84% was sick or suddenly irresponsible, 00:02:30.960 --> 00:02:34.320 align:middle line:84% she would fill in as editor on a commercial here and there, 00:02:34.320 --> 00:02:38.340 align:middle line:84% and for the news on a television station. 00:02:38.340 --> 00:02:40.770 align:middle line:84% Her friends were aware of her real competence. 00:02:40.770 --> 00:02:43.380 align:middle line:84% When one of them made his first underground film, 00:02:43.380 --> 00:02:44.970 align:middle line:90% he asked her to do the editing. 00:02:44.970 --> 00:02:47.610 align:middle line:84% He praised the result. She had a way 00:02:47.610 --> 00:02:50.760 align:middle line:84% of spreading the action out an infinitesimal amount, 00:02:50.760 --> 00:02:53.670 align:middle line:84% an extra frame or two just at the right junctures, 00:02:53.670 --> 00:02:56.010 align:middle line:90% thereby increasing the tension. 00:02:56.010 --> 00:02:59.700 align:middle line:84% The subtleties of concision and ellipses came naturally to her. 00:02:59.700 --> 00:03:02.760 align:middle line:84% Soon Camilla was in demand for underground films. 00:03:02.760 --> 00:03:05.880 align:middle line:90% 00:03:05.880 --> 00:03:07.860 align:middle line:84% There's more words in prose than in poetry. 00:03:07.860 --> 00:03:11.340 align:middle line:90% 00:03:11.340 --> 00:03:14.520 align:middle line:84% But there was no money in it, in the poetic department of film 00:03:14.520 --> 00:03:15.730 align:middle line:90% so to speak. 00:03:15.730 --> 00:03:19.320 align:middle line:84% Also the filmmakers, often young, sometimes students, 00:03:19.320 --> 00:03:22.810 align:middle line:84% squabbled a lot and made editing difficult. 00:03:22.810 --> 00:03:25.980 align:middle line:84% Editing has more to do with time than the other film trades. 00:03:25.980 --> 00:03:31.320 align:middle line:84% The apportioning of time and rhythm can be a personal thing. 00:03:31.320 --> 00:03:34.080 align:middle line:84% Everyone involved in the process has a different idea 00:03:34.080 --> 00:03:37.230 align:middle line:90% of what the rhythm ought to be. 00:03:37.230 --> 00:03:39.690 align:middle line:84% So after a while, she played hard to get. 00:03:39.690 --> 00:03:41.520 align:middle line:84% She only worked on underground films 00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:44.250 align:middle line:84% by the best of the young groups in Berlin. 00:03:44.250 --> 00:03:46.920 align:middle line:90% That is how she first met Ingo. 00:03:46.920 --> 00:03:49.770 align:middle line:84% Her friend Mikhail had shot a film on a famous Berlin 00:03:49.770 --> 00:03:53.550 align:middle line:84% painter: Ingo G from the so-called Crystal Group. 00:03:53.550 --> 00:03:56.250 align:middle line:84% And Mikhail asked her to do the editing. 00:03:56.250 --> 00:03:58.380 align:middle line:84% Camilla loved the work of the Crystal Group 00:03:58.380 --> 00:04:01.620 align:middle line:84% because of its sustenance of figurative subject matter 00:04:01.620 --> 00:04:03.840 align:middle line:84% and because of its affinity with surrealism. 00:04:03.840 --> 00:04:05.790 align:middle line:84% Magritte was their biggest influence. 00:04:05.790 --> 00:04:08.010 align:middle line:90% So she took the job. 00:04:08.010 --> 00:04:09.960 align:middle line:84% There was no money, not even bus fare, 00:04:09.960 --> 00:04:13.680 align:middle line:84% and she would have to work at night and in an editing studio 00:04:13.680 --> 00:04:16.680 align:middle line:84% on the other side of town in the Kreuzberg section. 00:04:16.680 --> 00:04:19.950 align:middle line:84% She knew she'd have to sleep there some nights. 00:04:19.950 --> 00:04:21.209 align:middle line:90% And there was one catch. 00:04:21.209 --> 00:04:24.030 align:middle line:84% Ingo G, the painter, the subject of the film, 00:04:24.030 --> 00:04:26.070 align:middle line:84% had insisted right from the beginning 00:04:26.070 --> 00:04:29.340 align:middle line:84% that he have control over the final cut, which meant he 00:04:29.340 --> 00:04:31.290 align:middle line:90% have control over the editor. 00:04:31.290 --> 00:04:33.390 align:middle line:90% Michael had given in. 00:04:33.390 --> 00:04:34.770 align:middle line:90% Camilla was irate. 00:04:34.770 --> 00:04:38.400 align:middle line:84% Giving control to a subject of a film was like an author 00:04:38.400 --> 00:04:41.760 align:middle line:84% giving control over destiny to one of his characters. 00:04:41.760 --> 00:04:44.880 align:middle line:84% Idiosyncrasies, vanities, wish fulfillment, 00:04:44.880 --> 00:04:49.980 align:middle line:84% and false theoretical approaches were bound to take over. 00:04:49.980 --> 00:04:51.540 align:middle line:84% She didn't want anyone but Mikhail 00:04:51.540 --> 00:04:53.760 align:middle line:84% looking over her shoulder, and Mikhail so 00:04:53.760 --> 00:04:56.640 align:middle line:84% respected her choices that he rarely interfered. 00:04:56.640 --> 00:04:58.970 align:middle line:84% Also she and Mikhail had been lovers once, 00:04:58.970 --> 00:05:01.010 align:middle line:84% and they had a certain amount of understanding, 00:05:01.010 --> 00:05:05.168 align:middle line:84% a feeling for one another, and they knew how to fight well. 00:05:05.168 --> 00:05:06.710 align:middle line:84% Before she even looked at the rushes, 00:05:06.710 --> 00:05:08.420 align:middle line:84% she went to the painter's studio. 00:05:08.420 --> 00:05:11.210 align:middle line:84% She would talk with him, reason with him, convince him, 00:05:11.210 --> 00:05:12.260 align:middle line:90% she thought. 00:05:12.260 --> 00:05:14.540 align:middle line:84% She expected a youngish man vain, 00:05:14.540 --> 00:05:18.260 align:middle line:84% an egotist inarticulate but full of passionate and elliptical 00:05:18.260 --> 00:05:22.730 align:middle line:84% theory as some of the painters of her acquaintance had been. 00:05:22.730 --> 00:05:25.730 align:middle line:84% instead, he was older, in his mid-50s, 00:05:25.730 --> 00:05:29.060 align:middle line:84% a thin, quiet man with wavy white hair and dark 00:05:29.060 --> 00:05:30.920 align:middle line:90% deeply lined skin. 00:05:30.920 --> 00:05:34.280 align:middle line:84% He was also shorter than she, which threw her off. 00:05:34.280 --> 00:05:36.740 align:middle line:84% For their appointment, he wore a clean white shirt 00:05:36.740 --> 00:05:39.470 align:middle line:84% and dark dress pants, but his banker's shoes 00:05:39.470 --> 00:05:43.790 align:middle line:84% were paint spattered and had no laces, giving him a homey look. 00:05:43.790 --> 00:05:45.560 align:middle line:84% He greeted her with a nod of the head 00:05:45.560 --> 00:05:47.300 align:middle line:84% and ushered her into the second floor 00:05:47.300 --> 00:05:50.030 align:middle line:90% studio which was also his home. 00:05:50.030 --> 00:05:52.610 align:middle line:84% The first floor housed a dry cleaning plant. 00:05:52.610 --> 00:05:55.640 align:middle line:84% So despite the bitter chill outside, the studio 00:05:55.640 --> 00:05:57.080 align:middle line:90% itself was warm. 00:05:57.080 --> 00:05:59.180 align:middle line:84% She immediately began to sniff the air, 00:05:59.180 --> 00:06:01.310 align:middle line:84% and as he seated her on an old couch 00:06:01.310 --> 00:06:04.760 align:middle line:84% he told her this had once been a perfumery and some of the odors 00:06:04.760 --> 00:06:07.430 align:middle line:84% had remained impregnated in the walls. 00:06:07.430 --> 00:06:09.770 align:middle line:84% If the smell bothered her, he said, rather 00:06:09.770 --> 00:06:12.170 align:middle line:84% gallantly she thought, he would open a window. 00:06:12.170 --> 00:06:14.540 align:middle line:90% No she said, this was fine. 00:06:14.540 --> 00:06:16.610 align:middle line:84% It had also been a photographer's studio 00:06:16.610 --> 00:06:17.780 align:middle line:90% before the war. 00:06:17.780 --> 00:06:19.610 align:middle line:90% And many of the scenic flats-- 00:06:19.610 --> 00:06:22.790 align:middle line:84% mostly outdoor scenes, pretentious landscapes, 00:06:22.790 --> 00:06:24.140 align:middle line:90% classical statues-- 00:06:24.140 --> 00:06:28.040 align:middle line:84% could be seen leaning against the walls between paintings. 00:06:28.040 --> 00:06:30.110 align:middle line:84% The painter fetched a great putt of coffee 00:06:30.110 --> 00:06:33.320 align:middle line:84% and a bottle of slivovitz and set them on the table. 00:06:33.320 --> 00:06:36.680 align:middle line:84% He poured two cups of coffee and offered some of the liquor. 00:06:36.680 --> 00:06:41.330 align:middle line:84% She declined, smiling her most efficient businesslike smile. 00:06:41.330 --> 00:06:45.620 align:middle line:84% He poured a few drops into his coffee. 00:06:45.620 --> 00:06:48.170 align:middle line:84% They sipped, they stared at each other, 00:06:48.170 --> 00:06:50.810 align:middle line:84% or rather they glanced at each other and Camilla smiled, 00:06:50.810 --> 00:06:53.660 align:middle line:84% this time her Gioconda smile, ambiguous, 00:06:53.660 --> 00:06:55.678 align:middle line:90% unreadable, mysterious. 00:06:55.678 --> 00:06:57.470 align:middle line:84% She turned to look at the paintings leaning 00:06:57.470 --> 00:06:58.580 align:middle line:90% against the walls. 00:06:58.580 --> 00:07:01.400 align:middle line:84% He followed her gaze and their eyes met again. 00:07:01.400 --> 00:07:04.190 align:middle line:84% She started to speak but lost courage. 00:07:04.190 --> 00:07:07.430 align:middle line:84% She was right to be here of course, she told herself again. 00:07:07.430 --> 00:07:09.020 align:middle line:90% She was firm about that. 00:07:09.020 --> 00:07:11.090 align:middle line:84% She was the film editor after all 00:07:11.090 --> 00:07:15.320 align:middle line:84% and would not give up her prerogatives easily. 00:07:15.320 --> 00:07:18.200 align:middle line:84% But the paintings surrounding her were so powerful 00:07:18.200 --> 00:07:20.750 align:middle line:84% and the painter so apparently self-contained 00:07:20.750 --> 00:07:24.260 align:middle line:84% that she immediately began to think from his point of view. 00:07:24.260 --> 00:07:27.020 align:middle line:84% If she were as good a painter as he obviously was, 00:07:27.020 --> 00:07:29.870 align:middle line:84% she too would want to be presented in a certain light; 00:07:29.870 --> 00:07:32.540 align:middle line:84% to wish otherwise would be passive, uncaring, 00:07:32.540 --> 00:07:34.070 align:middle line:90% or simply stupid. 00:07:34.070 --> 00:07:36.320 align:middle line:84% In five minutes of silence, Camilla 00:07:36.320 --> 00:07:39.110 align:middle line:84% could see that Ingo G was none of these. 00:07:39.110 --> 00:07:41.330 align:middle line:84% She took a deep breath like someone about 00:07:41.330 --> 00:07:43.280 align:middle line:90% to embark upon a long journey. 00:07:43.280 --> 00:07:45.200 align:middle line:90% Then she let her breath go. 00:07:45.200 --> 00:07:47.120 align:middle line:90% She raised her eyebrow. 00:07:47.120 --> 00:07:50.330 align:middle line:84% He looked at her with a slight smile on his narrow face. 00:07:50.330 --> 00:07:52.520 align:middle line:90% Was it irony or smugness? 00:07:52.520 --> 00:07:57.020 align:middle line:84% He leaned forward expectantly or just from habit with his elbows 00:07:57.020 --> 00:07:58.550 align:middle line:90% resting on his knees. 00:07:58.550 --> 00:08:02.660 align:middle line:84% Every so often he tilted his coffee cup and took a sip. 00:08:02.660 --> 00:08:04.670 align:middle line:84% If the silence lasted much longer, 00:08:04.670 --> 00:08:05.990 align:middle line:90% it would become an issue. 00:08:05.990 --> 00:08:09.710 align:middle line:84% Silence between people has its own rules, its own pacing, 00:08:09.710 --> 00:08:11.690 align:middle line:90% its own inner and outer limit. 00:08:11.690 --> 00:08:15.660 align:middle line:84% Camilla as a film editor was attuned to that. 00:08:15.660 --> 00:08:18.200 align:middle line:84% But each time she started to speak 00:08:18.200 --> 00:08:22.640 align:middle line:84% and he leaned slightly forward and raised his white eyebrows 00:08:22.640 --> 00:08:26.240 align:middle line:84% to accept her speech, she stopped, smiled briefly, 00:08:26.240 --> 00:08:28.700 align:middle line:84% and looked around again at the paintings. 00:08:28.700 --> 00:08:31.620 align:middle line:84% All this time, not a sound passed between them, 00:08:31.620 --> 00:08:35.299 align:middle line:84% except for the rapid beating of Camilla's pulse. 00:08:35.299 --> 00:08:37.070 align:middle line:84% Had there been no paintings to look at, 00:08:37.070 --> 00:08:38.630 align:middle line:90% she would have spoken earlier. 00:08:38.630 --> 00:08:41.150 align:middle line:84% She would have been firm, even chilly, 00:08:41.150 --> 00:08:44.480 align:middle line:84% demanding even, unswerving from her purpose, which 00:08:44.480 --> 00:08:46.380 align:middle line:90% was to get her own way. 00:08:46.380 --> 00:08:48.020 align:middle line:90% This was one of Camilla's gifts. 00:08:48.020 --> 00:08:50.120 align:middle line:84% She would have made a good negotiator. 00:08:50.120 --> 00:08:53.120 align:middle line:84% She knew how and when to attack and better 00:08:53.120 --> 00:08:56.390 align:middle line:84% how to give in graciously when backed into a corner. 00:08:56.390 --> 00:08:58.790 align:middle line:84% She knew how to flirt with men or women 00:08:58.790 --> 00:09:00.890 align:middle line:90% without giving her goods away. 00:09:00.890 --> 00:09:03.470 align:middle line:84% She had learned this partially from her mother 00:09:03.470 --> 00:09:05.270 align:middle line:84% when following the woman from shop 00:09:05.270 --> 00:09:09.260 align:middle line:84% to shop in the daily tour, butcher, baker, fishmonger, 00:09:09.260 --> 00:09:10.820 align:middle line:90% and so on. 00:09:10.820 --> 00:09:14.480 align:middle line:84% Inside the apartment, her mother had been a formidable opponent, 00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:16.700 align:middle line:84% but curiously the mother had a habit 00:09:16.700 --> 00:09:19.940 align:middle line:84% of giving in at a certain point in an argument even when she 00:09:19.940 --> 00:09:21.380 align:middle line:90% was winning. 00:09:21.380 --> 00:09:24.170 align:middle line:84% That quality had made living with her almost tolerable 00:09:24.170 --> 00:09:25.370 align:middle line:90% for Camilla. 00:09:25.370 --> 00:09:28.220 align:middle line:84% But outside the apartment her mother could not be beaten. 00:09:28.220 --> 00:09:31.760 align:middle line:84% When she thought she was being overcharged, or shortchanged, 00:09:31.760 --> 00:09:34.160 align:middle line:84% or short weighted, she would raise her voice 00:09:34.160 --> 00:09:36.500 align:middle line:84% so everyone in the shop could hear and begin 00:09:36.500 --> 00:09:40.430 align:middle line:84% to ask impertinent questions in sweet tones about the butcher's 00:09:40.430 --> 00:09:43.700 align:middle line:84% sister, her abortion, the baker's usurious loans, 00:09:43.700 --> 00:09:44.810 align:middle line:90% and so on. 00:09:44.810 --> 00:09:46.940 align:middle line:84% When she wanted something she couldn't have, 00:09:46.940 --> 00:09:50.330 align:middle line:84% she flirted, and often Camilla had suspected her mother 00:09:50.330 --> 00:09:52.010 align:middle line:90% of giving something away. 00:09:52.010 --> 00:09:55.130 align:middle line:84% She would disappear into the butcher's back shed and return 00:09:55.130 --> 00:09:56.870 align:middle line:90% disheveled but smiling. 00:09:56.870 --> 00:09:58.730 align:middle line:84% There was always good meat on the table 00:09:58.730 --> 00:10:01.170 align:middle line:90% even in the skimpiest times. 00:10:01.170 --> 00:10:04.340 align:middle line:84% Ingo G's paintings were so striking, she thought. 00:10:04.340 --> 00:10:07.070 align:middle line:90% How does one negotiate with art? 00:10:07.070 --> 00:10:09.380 align:middle line:84% The paintings were large, each about eight feet 00:10:09.380 --> 00:10:11.330 align:middle line:90% high and four wide. 00:10:11.330 --> 00:10:14.390 align:middle line:84% In all of the paintings except for the few still lives, 00:10:14.390 --> 00:10:18.530 align:middle line:84% Ingo had portrayed nude women and clothed men. 00:10:18.530 --> 00:10:20.180 align:middle line:84% Sometimes a woman was the subject 00:10:20.180 --> 00:10:23.090 align:middle line:84% of the painting, the force and center of the canvas. 00:10:23.090 --> 00:10:26.060 align:middle line:84% And sometimes the model sat or stood in the background, 00:10:26.060 --> 00:10:27.950 align:middle line:90% and the man was the subject. 00:10:27.950 --> 00:10:30.440 align:middle line:84% Actually she realized the women were always 00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:33.050 align:middle line:84% the subject of the painting because the women were always 00:10:33.050 --> 00:10:34.400 align:middle line:90% nude. 00:10:34.400 --> 00:10:36.140 align:middle line:84% The treatment of the subject reminded her 00:10:36.140 --> 00:10:37.760 align:middle line:90% of the paintings of baldness. 00:10:37.760 --> 00:10:40.910 align:middle line:84% The women or young girls in Balthazar's paintings 00:10:40.910 --> 00:10:43.910 align:middle line:84% were usually central and oddly provocative. 00:10:43.910 --> 00:10:46.250 align:middle line:84% And between them and the objects in the room, 00:10:46.250 --> 00:10:49.610 align:middle line:84% there was always a great tension, a push and pull, 00:10:49.610 --> 00:10:52.280 align:middle line:84% a quiet but terrifying discomfort 00:10:52.280 --> 00:10:53.960 align:middle line:84% although the discomfort was never shown 00:10:53.960 --> 00:10:55.490 align:middle line:90% on the faces of the women. 00:10:55.490 --> 00:10:57.770 align:middle line:84% The faces of the women were not important; 00:10:57.770 --> 00:11:00.920 align:middle line:84% the physical presence of their bodies took over. 00:11:00.920 --> 00:11:02.720 align:middle line:84% They were central, but the viewer 00:11:02.720 --> 00:11:06.560 align:middle line:84% could feel the unseen power of the unseen male in the room, 00:11:06.560 --> 00:11:08.270 align:middle line:90% the painter himself. 00:11:08.270 --> 00:11:11.780 align:middle line:84% Balthazar's paintings were always a bit perverse. 00:11:11.780 --> 00:11:15.440 align:middle line:84% In Ingo G's painting, the women were nude but dignified 00:11:15.440 --> 00:11:19.550 align:middle line:84% somehow, upright in posture, vulnerable, but protected 00:11:19.550 --> 00:11:21.590 align:middle line:90% by their air of intelligence. 00:11:21.590 --> 00:11:24.950 align:middle line:84% Camilla had the feeling Ingo chose strong models, women 00:11:24.950 --> 00:11:28.970 align:middle line:84% with personality, intelligence, fierce quietude, and then 00:11:28.970 --> 00:11:30.590 align:middle line:90% he made them disrobe. 00:11:30.590 --> 00:11:33.890 align:middle line:84% Then he painted them, and he didn't speak to them just as he 00:11:33.890 --> 00:11:35.660 align:middle line:90% wasn't speaking to Camilla. 00:11:35.660 --> 00:11:38.090 align:middle line:84% He wasn't helping her through this increasingly 00:11:38.090 --> 00:11:40.430 align:middle line:90% terrifying silence. 00:11:40.430 --> 00:11:43.280 align:middle line:84% Camilla took some slivovitz in her coffee. 00:11:43.280 --> 00:11:45.080 align:middle line:84% May I see the rest of the studio? 00:11:45.080 --> 00:11:47.060 align:middle line:90% she finally asked. 00:11:47.060 --> 00:11:50.870 align:middle line:84% She drank the contents of the cup in one quick gulp, 00:11:50.870 --> 00:11:52.850 align:middle line:90% spilling some on her blouse. 00:11:52.850 --> 00:11:56.270 align:middle line:84% All day she would reek of coffee and slivovitz. 00:11:56.270 --> 00:11:58.970 align:middle line:84% She posed several questions about the paintings, 00:11:58.970 --> 00:12:00.530 align:middle line:90% how did he choose models? 00:12:00.530 --> 00:12:03.740 align:middle line:84% How did he deal with two models at the same time? 00:12:03.740 --> 00:12:05.660 align:middle line:84% He had them sit separately at first 00:12:05.660 --> 00:12:08.210 align:middle line:84% to get them down in the Canvas then later 00:12:08.210 --> 00:12:11.520 align:middle line:84% to increase the tension, he posed them together. 00:12:11.520 --> 00:12:15.050 align:middle line:84% For example he said, pointing to the series of paintings 00:12:15.050 --> 00:12:18.200 align:middle line:84% of a Black man, a very tall man, an American 00:12:18.200 --> 00:12:20.330 align:middle line:84% who had been a well-known professional basketball 00:12:20.330 --> 00:12:21.960 align:middle line:90% player in Berlin. 00:12:21.960 --> 00:12:25.520 align:middle line:84% He was an excellent model, Ingo explained, an intelligent man 00:12:25.520 --> 00:12:29.570 align:middle line:84% but also very physical and in exquisite control of his body. 00:12:29.570 --> 00:12:32.840 align:middle line:84% Ingo had posed him with the Polish woman, middle aged, 00:12:32.840 --> 00:12:35.810 align:middle line:84% an immigrant who cooked in a nearby restaurant. 00:12:35.810 --> 00:12:38.900 align:middle line:84% The Polish woman was the granddaughter of a count. 00:12:38.900 --> 00:12:43.010 align:middle line:84% In one painting, the Black man was fully clothed in profile, 00:12:43.010 --> 00:12:45.380 align:middle line:84% sitting erect in a kitchen chair. 00:12:45.380 --> 00:12:49.280 align:middle line:84% The woman was nude, pale, and doughy, and out of shape 00:12:49.280 --> 00:12:50.840 align:middle line:90% with very round features. 00:12:50.840 --> 00:12:52.880 align:middle line:90% She was seen full front. 00:12:52.880 --> 00:12:54.710 align:middle line:90% interesting, Camilla said. 00:12:54.710 --> 00:12:55.550 align:middle line:90% How so? 00:12:55.550 --> 00:12:56.430 align:middle line:90% He asked. 00:12:56.430 --> 00:12:59.810 align:middle line:84% Camilla stepped back from the painting. 00:12:59.810 --> 00:13:02.690 align:middle line:84% Allowing for the striking contrast in skin colors, 00:13:02.690 --> 00:13:04.160 align:middle line:84% the painting should have been quite 00:13:04.160 --> 00:13:06.200 align:middle line:84% ordinary except that not only was 00:13:06.200 --> 00:13:09.320 align:middle line:84% the Polish woman considerably shorter than the Black man, 00:13:09.320 --> 00:13:12.260 align:middle line:84% but she had been placed slightly further back in the picture 00:13:12.260 --> 00:13:14.630 align:middle line:84% plane and was therefore diminutized 00:13:14.630 --> 00:13:17.660 align:middle line:84% and in a way that made Camilla uncomfortable though she 00:13:17.660 --> 00:13:19.040 align:middle line:90% couldn't have said why. 00:13:19.040 --> 00:13:21.650 align:middle line:84% The woman's proportions were off. 00:13:21.650 --> 00:13:24.950 align:middle line:84% Was there tension between the models, she wanted to know? 00:13:24.950 --> 00:13:28.340 align:middle line:84% Yes, the Black man couldn't stand the Polish woman's odor. 00:13:28.340 --> 00:13:32.300 align:middle line:84% She ate garlic by the handful to enhance her health, she said, 00:13:32.300 --> 00:13:36.770 align:middle line:84% and she gave out the odor of garlic from every pore. 00:13:36.770 --> 00:13:39.470 align:middle line:84% The Black man insisted she changed her diet for the length 00:13:39.470 --> 00:13:41.210 align:middle line:90% of time the sittings took. 00:13:41.210 --> 00:13:42.800 align:middle line:90% She refused. 00:13:42.800 --> 00:13:44.630 align:middle line:84% The Black man wanted to quit, but he 00:13:44.630 --> 00:13:46.880 align:middle line:84% had a sense of professionalism and wouldn't just 00:13:46.880 --> 00:13:48.590 align:middle line:90% walk out on a job. 00:13:48.590 --> 00:13:51.440 align:middle line:84% He began to insult the Polish woman, but in English, 00:13:51.440 --> 00:13:52.940 align:middle line:90% which she didn't understand. 00:13:52.940 --> 00:13:55.430 align:middle line:84% She could hear the contempt in his tone of voice, 00:13:55.430 --> 00:13:57.860 align:middle line:84% and she protested but to no avail. 00:13:57.860 --> 00:13:59.990 align:middle line:90% She became sullen and pouty. 00:13:59.990 --> 00:14:02.630 align:middle line:84% This demeanor created the most immediate impact 00:14:02.630 --> 00:14:04.130 align:middle line:90% of the painting. 00:14:04.130 --> 00:14:05.930 align:middle line:84% Camilla couldn't articulate the feelings 00:14:05.930 --> 00:14:07.700 align:middle line:84% she got from this series, but she 00:14:07.700 --> 00:14:10.400 align:middle line:84% did tell Ingo the paintings made her uncomfortable 00:14:10.400 --> 00:14:12.980 align:middle line:84% and she liked them for that reason. 00:14:12.980 --> 00:14:16.130 align:middle line:90% He whispered almost to himself. 00:14:16.130 --> 00:14:18.530 align:middle line:84% They did finally get to the subject of control, 00:14:18.530 --> 00:14:21.350 align:middle line:84% of who was in charge of editing this film. 00:14:21.350 --> 00:14:23.250 align:middle line:90% He immediately disarmed her. 00:14:23.250 --> 00:14:26.420 align:middle line:84% He didn't want to cause any problems or delays in the film, 00:14:26.420 --> 00:14:29.540 align:middle line:84% he told her, seating them again at the table pouring 00:14:29.540 --> 00:14:30.500 align:middle line:90% more coffee. 00:14:30.500 --> 00:14:33.590 align:middle line:84% He was honored, he said, that Mikhail and the group 00:14:33.590 --> 00:14:35.870 align:middle line:84% called the Other Cinema had chosen him. 00:14:35.870 --> 00:14:38.030 align:middle line:84% They were young, they were the future. 00:14:38.030 --> 00:14:40.640 align:middle line:84% I want to leave the project in the hands of professionals, 00:14:40.640 --> 00:14:41.450 align:middle line:90% he said. 00:14:41.450 --> 00:14:43.830 align:middle line:84% He hoped the film would get wide distribution. 00:14:43.830 --> 00:14:47.390 align:middle line:84% It would be good for his career and would sell more painting. 00:14:47.390 --> 00:14:50.960 align:middle line:84% May I be allowed to be present when you start working here? 00:14:50.960 --> 00:14:53.720 align:middle line:84% The first night and a few subsequent nights, 00:14:53.720 --> 00:14:56.030 align:middle line:84% he wanted to see how a film editor worked, 00:14:56.030 --> 00:14:59.290 align:middle line:84% and would she mind if he dropped in occasionally thereafter 00:14:59.290 --> 00:15:00.850 align:middle line:90% to see how it was going. 00:15:00.850 --> 00:15:03.490 align:middle line:84% And might he ask a few technical questions. 00:15:03.490 --> 00:15:04.630 align:middle line:90% Fine she said. 00:15:04.630 --> 00:15:06.790 align:middle line:84% She would phone him tomorrow and set a date. 00:15:06.790 --> 00:15:08.800 align:middle line:84% She thanked him for the studio tour. 00:15:08.800 --> 00:15:11.320 align:middle line:84% It gave her she said some sense of Ingo 00:15:11.320 --> 00:15:14.500 align:middle line:84% and his work she might not have gotten from the rushes. 00:15:14.500 --> 00:15:16.390 align:middle line:84% As she walked down the stairs, she 00:15:16.390 --> 00:15:18.310 align:middle line:84% heard the curiously orchestral sound 00:15:18.310 --> 00:15:21.010 align:middle line:84% of an accordion coming from the inner courtyard. 00:15:21.010 --> 00:15:22.540 align:middle line:90% It was late afternoon. 00:15:22.540 --> 00:15:24.670 align:middle line:84% She would hear that music every afternoon 00:15:24.670 --> 00:15:26.740 align:middle line:84% for the next several years and would never 00:15:26.740 --> 00:15:29.590 align:middle line:84% be able to hear an accordion without thinking of Ingo 00:15:29.590 --> 00:15:31.150 align:middle line:90% and their first meeting. 00:15:31.150 --> 00:15:33.460 align:middle line:84% When she got to the corner, she screamed. 00:15:33.460 --> 00:15:36.370 align:middle line:84% She walked for two blocks and then screamed again. 00:15:36.370 --> 00:15:38.710 align:middle line:84% The sun was out and she decided to walk. 00:15:38.710 --> 00:15:41.210 align:middle line:84% She screamed herself halfway across Berlin. 00:15:41.210 --> 00:15:45.290 align:middle line:90% 00:15:45.290 --> 00:15:46.475 align:middle line:90% This is some chapters later. 00:15:46.475 --> 00:15:48.980 align:middle line:90% 00:15:48.980 --> 00:15:51.140 align:middle line:84% When Camilla made the decision to leave Ingo, 00:15:51.140 --> 00:15:53.210 align:middle line:90% she didn't act on it right away. 00:15:53.210 --> 00:15:55.010 align:middle line:84% The decisiveness gave her a sense 00:15:55.010 --> 00:15:58.850 align:middle line:84% of power over her own life she had never felt before. 00:15:58.850 --> 00:16:02.930 align:middle line:84% Camilla was always a person who reacted more than she acted. 00:16:02.930 --> 00:16:05.840 align:middle line:84% She'd made some of the most important decisions of her life 00:16:05.840 --> 00:16:08.420 align:middle line:84% in states of anger, for example, anger 00:16:08.420 --> 00:16:12.920 align:middle line:84% that someone had underestimated her, overlooked her, et cetera. 00:16:12.920 --> 00:16:15.470 align:middle line:84% She'd taken her first lover at age 16 00:16:15.470 --> 00:16:18.560 align:middle line:84% because the man, a married man in his 20s 00:16:18.560 --> 00:16:20.690 align:middle line:84% who had just moved into the next apartment 00:16:20.690 --> 00:16:24.410 align:middle line:84% smiled at her the way one smiled at a 12-year-old. 00:16:24.410 --> 00:16:27.110 align:middle line:84% He didn't look her up and down the way that boys at school 00:16:27.110 --> 00:16:30.710 align:middle line:84% did, her long legs, her breasts which showed their shapes 00:16:30.710 --> 00:16:32.540 align:middle line:90% right through her sweater. 00:16:32.540 --> 00:16:34.430 align:middle line:84% Didn't the man, the new neighbor, 00:16:34.430 --> 00:16:36.980 align:middle line:90% see she was a woman already? 00:16:36.980 --> 00:16:39.440 align:middle line:84% Camilla made up her mind to force the issue. 00:16:39.440 --> 00:16:42.110 align:middle line:84% He would look at her and see a woman. 00:16:42.110 --> 00:16:44.090 align:middle line:84% She found out what his schedule was, 00:16:44.090 --> 00:16:46.580 align:middle line:84% and when he left for work in the morning. 00:16:46.580 --> 00:16:47.270 align:middle line:90% Excuse me. 00:16:47.270 --> 00:16:49.100 align:middle line:84% She found out what his schedule was 00:16:49.100 --> 00:16:50.790 align:middle line:84% when he left for work in the morning 00:16:50.790 --> 00:16:53.240 align:middle line:84% and when he returned for lunch, left again, 00:16:53.240 --> 00:16:54.860 align:middle line:90% returned for dinner. 00:16:54.860 --> 00:16:57.860 align:middle line:84% In the morning, she went to the hallway with her robe half open 00:16:57.860 --> 00:17:00.320 align:middle line:84% just when he exited his apartment. 00:17:00.320 --> 00:17:02.270 align:middle line:84% As she bent to straighten the welcome mat, 00:17:02.270 --> 00:17:04.700 align:middle line:84% one breast slipped out of her nightgown. 00:17:04.700 --> 00:17:06.290 align:middle line:90% He didn't appear to notice. 00:17:06.290 --> 00:17:10.730 align:middle line:84% She did variations on this theme several mornings in a row. 00:17:10.730 --> 00:17:13.430 align:middle line:84% He still smiled at her the way an adult smiles 00:17:13.430 --> 00:17:17.180 align:middle line:84% at a child, a neighbor child, a child the adult would rather 00:17:17.180 --> 00:17:19.819 align:middle line:84% not deal with, a child an adult with pat 00:17:19.819 --> 00:17:21.890 align:middle line:90% on the head in passing. 00:17:21.890 --> 00:17:24.710 align:middle line:84% She played sick one week and stayed home from school. 00:17:24.710 --> 00:17:27.260 align:middle line:84% On the first day, she left the apartment door open 00:17:27.260 --> 00:17:29.210 align:middle line:84% when she knew he'd arrived for lunch; 00:17:29.210 --> 00:17:31.820 align:middle line:84% his wife worked on the other side of Brussels. 00:17:31.820 --> 00:17:34.310 align:middle line:84% She sat in her nightgown reading a magazine. 00:17:34.310 --> 00:17:36.680 align:middle line:84% She put her legs up on the footstool. 00:17:36.680 --> 00:17:39.140 align:middle line:84% She brushed the nightgown off her legs. 00:17:39.140 --> 00:17:41.120 align:middle line:90% He didn't look in. 00:17:41.120 --> 00:17:43.670 align:middle line:84% The next day she escalated extravagantly 00:17:43.670 --> 00:17:45.590 align:middle line:90% as only a teenager will. 00:17:45.590 --> 00:17:47.870 align:middle line:84% She took off her nightgown and stood with her back 00:17:47.870 --> 00:17:49.190 align:middle line:90% to the open door. 00:17:49.190 --> 00:17:50.750 align:middle line:90% She ironed a dress. 00:17:50.750 --> 00:17:53.450 align:middle line:84% When she heard his footsteps hesitate on the landing, 00:17:53.450 --> 00:17:55.100 align:middle line:90% she cleared her throat. 00:17:55.100 --> 00:17:57.170 align:middle line:90% He couldn't help but look. 00:17:57.170 --> 00:18:00.770 align:middle line:84% And looking, he couldn't help but admire what he saw: 00:18:00.770 --> 00:18:03.830 align:middle line:84% the long legs, the beautiful behind and hips, 00:18:03.830 --> 00:18:07.100 align:middle line:84% her long waist, the creaminess of skin. 00:18:07.100 --> 00:18:10.790 align:middle line:84% Perhaps he saw and admired, she wasn't sure. 00:18:10.790 --> 00:18:12.950 align:middle line:84% When she passed him and his wife walking 00:18:12.950 --> 00:18:14.870 align:middle line:84% in the park after supper that evening, 00:18:14.870 --> 00:18:18.500 align:middle line:84% she saw that his smile had expanded a few centimeters, 00:18:18.500 --> 00:18:21.560 align:middle line:84% or was that just the play of light on his face of the sun 00:18:21.560 --> 00:18:23.300 align:middle line:90% going down over the hill? 00:18:23.300 --> 00:18:26.330 align:middle line:84% And the wife, she spoke only to Camilla's mother: 00:18:26.330 --> 00:18:31.580 align:middle line:84% good evening, Frau, and a little imperceptible nod to Camilla. 00:18:31.580 --> 00:18:33.830 align:middle line:84% After her mother left for work the next morning, 00:18:33.830 --> 00:18:36.530 align:middle line:84% Camilla decided to omit the breast falling out 00:18:36.530 --> 00:18:38.240 align:middle line:90% of her nightgown routine. 00:18:38.240 --> 00:18:40.400 align:middle line:84% If she were going to live in a foolish comedy, 00:18:40.400 --> 00:18:42.380 align:middle line:84% she should at least perform it well. 00:18:42.380 --> 00:18:45.080 align:middle line:84% She wanted to think what was going wrong. 00:18:45.080 --> 00:18:47.000 align:middle line:90% Was her body not beautiful? 00:18:47.000 --> 00:18:48.440 align:middle line:90% Her mother told her it was. 00:18:48.440 --> 00:18:52.010 align:middle line:84% In fact, she told Camilla it would be her curse. 00:18:52.010 --> 00:18:54.230 align:middle line:84% Camilla stood naked before the mirror. 00:18:54.230 --> 00:18:56.540 align:middle line:84% She lifted her arm slowly in the air 00:18:56.540 --> 00:18:59.390 align:middle line:84% and twisted them like two snakes dancing. 00:18:59.390 --> 00:19:01.820 align:middle line:84% She left one arm raised and with the other 00:19:01.820 --> 00:19:04.310 align:middle line:84% traced the shape of her taut breast. 00:19:04.310 --> 00:19:06.500 align:middle line:90% The sensation made her shiver. 00:19:06.500 --> 00:19:09.320 align:middle line:84% With both hands, she traced her pubic mound 00:19:09.320 --> 00:19:14.120 align:middle line:84% with it's rich red hair, so dark it was almost black. 00:19:14.120 --> 00:19:17.510 align:middle line:84% She had virtually the same body as her mother except her mother 00:19:17.510 --> 00:19:19.850 align:middle line:90% was shorter by several inches. 00:19:19.850 --> 00:19:22.820 align:middle line:84% Perhaps she was [? un ?] femme déclassé. 00:19:22.820 --> 00:19:27.080 align:middle line:84% She gave the effect of détente, of beauty just a bit off. 00:19:27.080 --> 00:19:29.600 align:middle line:84% She knew her mother was renowned in the neighborhood 00:19:29.600 --> 00:19:32.210 align:middle line:84% for having a beauty which was not conventional, 00:19:32.210 --> 00:19:36.260 align:middle line:84% a beauty which was off by an inch or so, her father said, 00:19:36.260 --> 00:19:38.390 align:middle line:84% a beauty which was flawed and therefore 00:19:38.390 --> 00:19:40.610 align:middle line:90% did not show itself to everyone. 00:19:40.610 --> 00:19:43.430 align:middle line:84% It was a beauty that to those who actually noticed: 00:19:43.430 --> 00:19:48.320 align:middle line:84% it caused surprise, double take, consternation. 00:19:48.320 --> 00:19:50.750 align:middle line:84% Camilla once overheard the butcher's fat wife 00:19:50.750 --> 00:19:54.470 align:middle line:84% say to a customer, what does he, the butcher, see in this woman? 00:19:54.470 --> 00:19:57.260 align:middle line:84% She is certainly plain as a weed. 00:19:57.260 --> 00:20:00.230 align:middle line:84% The butcher found Camilla's mother extremely attractive, 00:20:00.230 --> 00:20:02.900 align:middle line:84% so attractive that he neglected all his other customers 00:20:02.900 --> 00:20:04.730 align:middle line:90% whenever she entered the store. 00:20:04.730 --> 00:20:07.730 align:middle line:84% So attractive that he always gave her the best cut of meat 00:20:07.730 --> 00:20:09.800 align:middle line:84% and sometimes forgot to charge her. 00:20:09.800 --> 00:20:12.380 align:middle line:84% So attractive that the butcher and Camilla's mother 00:20:12.380 --> 00:20:15.140 align:middle line:84% sometimes disappeared into the shed behind the store 00:20:15.140 --> 00:20:17.660 align:middle line:84% and left Camilla to tell the customers the butcher 00:20:17.660 --> 00:20:20.270 align:middle line:90% would return in a few minutes. 00:20:20.270 --> 00:20:23.630 align:middle line:84% Perhaps Camilla's beauty was invisible too, or only visible 00:20:23.630 --> 00:20:26.120 align:middle line:90% to butchers. 00:20:26.120 --> 00:20:27.470 align:middle line:90% There was some truth to this. 00:20:27.470 --> 00:20:29.930 align:middle line:84% Isn't it true that like attracts like, 00:20:29.930 --> 00:20:32.570 align:middle line:84% that beautiful women attract handsome men? 00:20:32.570 --> 00:20:35.840 align:middle line:84% Yes, the evidence was all around her. 00:20:35.840 --> 00:20:38.930 align:middle line:84% But her father was a homely man with a silly grin 00:20:38.930 --> 00:20:41.090 align:middle line:90% and a face like an old shoe. 00:20:41.090 --> 00:20:43.370 align:middle line:84% If her mother was beautiful, and Camilla 00:20:43.370 --> 00:20:45.440 align:middle line:84% was convinced her mother was beautiful, 00:20:45.440 --> 00:20:47.660 align:middle line:90% why had she attracted this man? 00:20:47.660 --> 00:20:50.120 align:middle line:84% How had this man, Camilla's father, 00:20:50.120 --> 00:20:53.660 align:middle line:84% had the audacity to approach her in the first place? 00:20:53.660 --> 00:20:56.180 align:middle line:84% And it was true in Camilla's life at school 00:20:56.180 --> 00:21:00.170 align:middle line:84% her odd beauty made it such that even the homeliest boys felt 00:21:00.170 --> 00:21:01.640 align:middle line:84% it was their prerogative to flirt 00:21:01.640 --> 00:21:03.830 align:middle line:90% with her in their awkward ways. 00:21:03.830 --> 00:21:05.930 align:middle line:90% Even the very shortest boys. 00:21:05.930 --> 00:21:08.360 align:middle line:84% Hadn't a boy hardly five feet tall 00:21:08.360 --> 00:21:11.960 align:middle line:84% asked her for a walk in the park after school just the other day 00:21:11.960 --> 00:21:14.570 align:middle line:90% and hadn't she said yes? 00:21:14.570 --> 00:21:17.030 align:middle line:84% But it was also true that the handsome boys, 00:21:17.030 --> 00:21:21.140 align:middle line:84% the popular boys, the flirts, the arrogant ones, the boys who 00:21:21.140 --> 00:21:24.480 align:middle line:84% were full of themselves were interested in her too, 00:21:24.480 --> 00:21:27.170 align:middle line:84% especially since her body had lengthened and lost 00:21:27.170 --> 00:21:31.460 align:middle line:84% its baby fat, and she began wearing dresses that clung. 00:21:31.460 --> 00:21:34.730 align:middle line:84% That night she asked her mother about it, her odd beauty, 00:21:34.730 --> 00:21:36.710 align:middle line:90% the homely boys. 00:21:36.710 --> 00:21:38.120 align:middle line:90% Her mother smiled. 00:21:38.120 --> 00:21:39.530 align:middle line:90% Sex appeal she said. 00:21:39.530 --> 00:21:42.080 align:middle line:84% And sex appeal is democratic, every man 00:21:42.080 --> 00:21:43.400 align:middle line:90% feels like he has a vote. 00:21:43.400 --> 00:21:46.960 align:middle line:90% 00:21:46.960 --> 00:21:50.080 align:middle line:84% Camilla decided to repeat her routine at the ironing board. 00:21:50.080 --> 00:21:52.510 align:middle line:84% She thought of it as a dance, though she hardly 00:21:52.510 --> 00:21:55.180 align:middle line:84% moved, an interior dance, a brain 00:21:55.180 --> 00:21:58.960 align:middle line:84% dance, a mental striptease, though she was already naked. 00:21:58.960 --> 00:22:01.510 align:middle line:84% When she heard the neighbor's footsteps on the stairs, 00:22:01.510 --> 00:22:04.390 align:middle line:90% she held her breath. 00:22:04.390 --> 00:22:07.600 align:middle line:84% When the footsteps stopped, she felt the silence 00:22:07.600 --> 00:22:09.490 align:middle line:90% like an echo of the sound. 00:22:09.490 --> 00:22:11.500 align:middle line:90% Her back was to the open door. 00:22:11.500 --> 00:22:14.950 align:middle line:84% She felt a prickly heat break out on her wings, her shoulder 00:22:14.950 --> 00:22:15.610 align:middle line:90% blade. 00:22:15.610 --> 00:22:18.160 align:middle line:90% At any moment she might fly. 00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:20.230 align:middle line:84% Her right knee burned at the scabbed 00:22:20.230 --> 00:22:23.740 align:middle line:84% over wound she'd gotten when she fell in a race at school. 00:22:23.740 --> 00:22:27.310 align:middle line:84% For the first time in her life, she felt wet between her legs 00:22:27.310 --> 00:22:30.730 align:middle line:84% and thought for a moment that she was leaking like a bad boat 00:22:30.730 --> 00:22:33.190 align:middle line:84% and she would sink down through the floor 00:22:33.190 --> 00:22:37.390 align:middle line:84% and down through the floor below that and into the dark basement 00:22:37.390 --> 00:22:39.190 align:middle line:90% where all fluids went. 00:22:39.190 --> 00:22:41.740 align:middle line:84% She felt the thick rush of air of the door 00:22:41.740 --> 00:22:44.530 align:middle line:90% shutting, the neighbor moving. 00:22:44.530 --> 00:22:45.190 align:middle line:90% Excuse me. 00:22:45.190 --> 00:22:49.390 align:middle line:84% She felt the thick rush of air of the door shutting 00:22:49.390 --> 00:22:51.940 align:middle line:84% and she heard the door slam, and before she 00:22:51.940 --> 00:22:54.310 align:middle line:84% could turn she felt him on her back, 00:22:54.310 --> 00:22:57.400 align:middle line:84% the neighbor moving upwards as though he were climbing. 00:22:57.400 --> 00:23:00.010 align:middle line:84% She remembered the neighbor was a short man 00:23:00.010 --> 00:23:01.840 align:middle line:90% just like the boy at school. 00:23:01.840 --> 00:23:04.930 align:middle line:84% He was tearing at his clothes and breathing heavily, 00:23:04.930 --> 00:23:07.630 align:middle line:84% making high tinny sounds with his nose, 00:23:07.630 --> 00:23:10.780 align:middle line:84% when she remembered that he was not a particularly handsome man 00:23:10.780 --> 00:23:13.240 align:middle line:84% either, and that he did not smell particularly 00:23:13.240 --> 00:23:16.390 align:middle line:84% fresh after a morning's work, that he smelled terribly 00:23:16.390 --> 00:23:19.420 align:middle line:84% like fish and that he did in fact sell fish 00:23:19.420 --> 00:23:22.300 align:middle line:90% from a stall six blocks away. 00:23:22.300 --> 00:23:25.270 align:middle line:84% He was turning her over and entering her quickly 00:23:25.270 --> 00:23:28.810 align:middle line:84% without preamble, without even a nice kiss, 00:23:28.810 --> 00:23:32.350 align:middle line:84% burying his mouth in her ear when she remembered that she 00:23:32.350 --> 00:23:35.980 align:middle line:84% had only wanted him to notice her, to pay attention, 00:23:35.980 --> 00:23:40.360 align:middle line:84% to see her not as a child one offers a tiny smile to when 00:23:40.360 --> 00:23:44.980 align:middle line:84% passing in the park, but as a woman, an adult, full blown, 00:23:44.980 --> 00:23:49.570 align:middle line:84% the almost beautiful Fraus, almost beautiful daughter. 00:23:49.570 --> 00:23:51.840 align:middle line:90% That's it, thank you. 00:23:51.840 --> 00:24:06.348 align:middle line:90%