WEBVTT

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I'm going to read
several sections

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from a novel in progress.

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It is a corrected
novel, as Jon says.

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They're still being corrected.

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The title of the novel
so far is Homesick

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for the Land of Pictures.

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There are two main characters,
Stephen and Camilla.

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Almost all of these
little sections

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are from the point
of view of Camilla.

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At the beginning she has
just left her lover Stephen

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after a several week affair.

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Later on there's a
reference to several year

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affair with a man named Ingo G.

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If I start reading too fast just
yell gesundheit or something.

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Camilla had two very practical
concrete reasons when she--

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excuse me.

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Camilla had two very practical
concrete missions when

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she left the hotel and Stephen.

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First, she must find
a place to live.

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And second, she
must look for a job.

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This is in Paris by the way.

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She was not going to America.

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That had been a lie.

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She had not just come
from Basel, Switzerland,

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and she had not run out
on a wealthy fiancee

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on the brink of her wedding.

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These were lies.

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Nor was she a beautician,
that too had been a lie.

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Camilla often lied when
she first met people.

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She was by nature
trusting but experience

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had made her cautious.

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Indeed, like most converts,
she practiced her acquired

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suspiciousness with a vengeance.

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She had an Uncle Henry, her
mother's youngest brother.

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Henry was her favorite
uncle because not

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only did he listen to her with
sympathy when she complained

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about her mother, Henry shared
her dislike for the woman.

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But he always brought her
a box of Swiss chocolates

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each time he stayed
with them in Brussels.

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On one such visit he said
to Camilla, mignonne,

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I have a test for you.

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If you answer
correctly I'll give you

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this box of chocolates.

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Instead of protesting the
way any sensible child would

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the sudden change of rules,
I come visit, you get candy,

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she agreed by nodding her head.

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Any game was better than the
vast and dulling daily circle

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of repetition.

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She waited for
the game to begin.

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Her mouth began to water.

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Now?

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She asked.

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Not now, he said,
but in a while.

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He put the box of chocolates
into his suitcase,

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which he placed in the
closet on the floor

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behind her mother's
several pairs of shoes.

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A few times, that day she
requested that the game begin.

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He put her off by
saying in a while.

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Each time her mouth watered.

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On the second day
alone in the apartment,

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she took the chocolate
box out of the suitcase

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and stared at it.

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She stroked the slightly
raised picture of the half clad

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reclining woman.

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Finally, she could
restrain herself no longer.

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She opened the box and
removed one chocolate.

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She took it to the
park and ate it.

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Hardly anything tastes sweeter
than a cherry out of season.

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Before the weekend
was done, she'd

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eaten nine chocolates,
a third of the box,

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and each one tasted better
than the previous ones.

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But she kept up the pretense.

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At least three times a day.

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She would ask her Uncle
Henry to start the game.

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Each time he
answered, in a while.

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On Sunday evening just
as he was about to leave,

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while he was putting
on his coat and hat

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and looking around
for his big umbrella,

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she reminded him that he
hadn't given her the test yet.

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She reminded him because she
felt it would seem suspicious

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if she didn't.

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After all she had
wanted the candy.

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She reminded him politely
but with a little edge

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to her voice, like a
schoolteacher emphasizing

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a delicate but obvious point.

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She didn't want to appear
either overly eager or overly

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indifferent.

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After all, she'd
already consumed

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nine of the chocolates.

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He posed the question
with great seriousness,

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leaning down and smoothing
out her dark red hair.

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Which weighs more, mignonne?

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A gram of feathers
or a gram of gold?

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Camilla knew the correct answer.

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She was eight years
old and no dummy.

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She had a brother gone now
to university, five uncles,

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and a father, and a grandfather,
and three boy playmates

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at school.

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They all had their games.

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Every man had a game he
played with mock seriousness.

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The games of boys were different
in one essential element,

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boys didn't announce
their games because they

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didn't know that's what
they were attempting.

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She gave the question
considerable thought

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or she appeared to.

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She closed her eyes and placed
her hand on her forehead,

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like a mother measuring a fever.

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In reality, she was thinking
about the consequences

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of her answer.

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If she gave the correct answer
like the smart girl she was,

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she would get the
box of chocolates

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but she would feel as
though she'd been beaten.

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Uncle Henry would
have been successful

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in his manipulation of her
through her intense love

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of chocolates.

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Her mother did similar
things to her all the time.

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If she gave the wrong
answer, either Uncle Henry

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would keep the box of
chocolates in the spirit

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of the game, which she liked,
the spirit of games that is.

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And feel badly about it
on his way back home,

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which she didn't like because
she loved her Uncle Henry.

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Or he would accept
the wrong answer

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and give her the box
of chocolates anyway.

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Then he would feel magnanimous
and she would feel manipulated.

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She gave the right answer.

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Uncle Henry clapped.

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He handed over the
box of chocolates

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which she opened immediately.

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Finding it one-third
empty she began to cry

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and screamed that Uncle
Henry had cheated her.

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Everyone felt bad,
including Camilla.

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Only her mother suspected the
truth and beat her with a strap

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after Uncle Henry left
for the train station.

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What had she learned from
this early experience?

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One, don't give yourself away.

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Henry knew her too well,
knew she liked chocolate,

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knew he could manipulate
her just for the fun of it

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through this love.

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Two, there are games and games
within games, each of which

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she enjoyed in the abstract
way that born gangsters do.

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The results don't matter.

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Even playing the game
itself doesn't matter.

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What matters are the care
and the elegant choices

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that go into making
up the rules.

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Three, never give
them what they want

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and be prepared
to pay the price.

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What else?

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There are some people
you can't fool no matter

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how much care you take.

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Her mother wouldn't be fooled.

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Her mother knew
her as well as she

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knew herself, which was well
enough to make a difference.

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For the rest of her life
it was important to Camilla

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to discover who fell
into which camp.

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Stephen could be fooled.

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She knew that right away when
she saw him in the Cafe de

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Paulette, standing over,
sending over his adoring looks.

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He wanted something
very badly, Camilla.

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She wanted him too.

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She wasn't sure why
except that he looked

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so vulnerable and so invisible.

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Although she saw
him as handsome,

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that strong and stubborn face,
and those mismatched eyes,

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she knew instinctively that no
other woman would notice him.

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Also she liked the
fact that he was older

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and that he wore
no wedding ring.

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She liked older men, but she
didn't like them married.

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She waited and waited for
Steven to come to her table.

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She put on her most
indifferent look,

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sucking in her cheeks to
accentuate her cheekbones.

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At the same time she
slumped her shoulders

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to appear if not
helpless, at least in need

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of some assistance.

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He didn't take the hint.

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Such a child.

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She felt sorry for him,
she wanted to help him.

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Camilla was always a
sucker for the person

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who needed her the most.

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She began to cry.

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It took great effort on
her part and she could only

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get two tears to fall at a
time, like a doll's tears

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when the doll is
turned upside down

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and squeezed in the
appropriate place.

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She couldn't dab at the
tears with her handkerchief.

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He might think she
had the sniffles.

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So she let them
lie in her cheeks

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like perfect pieces
of crystal jewelry.

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