WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.039 align:middle line:90% 00:00:08.039 --> 00:00:10.600 align:middle line:84% Lois Shelton wanted me to apologize for her absence. 00:00:10.600 --> 00:00:14.020 align:middle line:84% She's singing tonight and couldn't be here. 00:00:14.020 --> 00:00:16.470 align:middle line:84% But she wanted me to tell everyone to stay for brownies 00:00:16.470 --> 00:00:17.970 align:middle line:90% and lemonade after the reading. 00:00:17.970 --> 00:00:21.110 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:21.110 --> 00:00:23.720 align:middle line:84% I'm pleased to introduce our guest writer this evening, Erin 00:00:23.720 --> 00:00:25.490 align:middle line:90% McGraw. 00:00:25.490 --> 00:00:27.860 align:middle line:84% Her first collection of short fiction Bodies 00:00:27.860 --> 00:00:30.500 align:middle line:84% At Sea was published this fall by University 00:00:30.500 --> 00:00:32.689 align:middle line:90% of Illinois Press. 00:00:32.689 --> 00:00:34.460 align:middle line:84% Her stories and articles have appeared 00:00:34.460 --> 00:00:38.480 align:middle line:84% in California Quarterly, the Laurel Review, Beloit Fiction 00:00:38.480 --> 00:00:42.350 align:middle line:84% Journal, the North American Review, Crazy Horse, 00:00:42.350 --> 00:00:45.320 align:middle line:84% the Georgia Review, and other magazines. 00:00:45.320 --> 00:00:47.840 align:middle line:84% She currently holds a Wallace Stegner Fellowship 00:00:47.840 --> 00:00:51.530 align:middle line:84% at Stanford University, and has taught at DePaul University 00:00:51.530 --> 00:00:54.380 align:middle line:90% and Indiana University. 00:00:54.380 --> 00:00:57.260 align:middle line:84% Other honors include the 1987 General Electric 00:00:57.260 --> 00:01:00.410 align:middle line:84% Award for Younger Writers and a National Society of Arts 00:01:00.410 --> 00:01:03.410 align:middle line:90% and Letters Career Award. 00:01:03.410 --> 00:01:05.750 align:middle line:84% Her collection, Bodies At Sea, demonstrates 00:01:05.750 --> 00:01:07.730 align:middle line:84% her incredible range as a writer. 00:01:07.730 --> 00:01:12.260 align:middle line:84% The stories are quirky, sensitive, funny, disturbing, 00:01:12.260 --> 00:01:14.910 align:middle line:84% and vastly different from each other. 00:01:14.910 --> 00:01:17.120 align:middle line:84% There are no bounds to Erin's imagination, 00:01:17.120 --> 00:01:19.340 align:middle line:90% to what she will tackle. 00:01:19.340 --> 00:01:21.950 align:middle line:90% I look forward to her next book. 00:01:21.950 --> 00:01:24.230 align:middle line:84% Bodies At Sea incidentally will be for sale 00:01:24.230 --> 00:01:25.860 align:middle line:90% after the reading at a discount. 00:01:25.860 --> 00:01:28.850 align:middle line:84% So pick up a copy, Erin's tired of lugging them around. 00:01:28.850 --> 00:01:31.400 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:31.400 --> 00:01:33.710 align:middle line:84% For a note of humor at dinner, Erin 00:01:33.710 --> 00:01:37.305 align:middle line:84% was asked about her experience of the recent earthquake. 00:01:37.305 --> 00:01:38.930 align:middle line:84% And she confessed that when it happened 00:01:38.930 --> 00:01:41.480 align:middle line:84% she was in the fitting room of Victoria's Secrets. 00:01:41.480 --> 00:01:44.060 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:44.060 --> 00:01:47.270 align:middle line:84% The store was moving around like an ocean and everyone 00:01:47.270 --> 00:01:48.350 align:middle line:90% had to clear out. 00:01:48.350 --> 00:01:51.170 align:middle line:84% Fortunately, Erin was semi-clothed. 00:01:51.170 --> 00:01:54.350 align:middle line:90% Her friend was not. 00:01:54.350 --> 00:01:56.960 align:middle line:84% Her friend, after the earthquake was all over, 00:01:56.960 --> 00:02:01.760 align:middle line:84% went back in and bought the green satin pajamas. 00:02:01.760 --> 00:02:04.940 align:middle line:84% Now there's a crazy world to write about. 00:02:04.940 --> 00:02:07.235 align:middle line:84% On that note, I give you Erin McGraw. 00:02:07.235 --> 00:02:14.165 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:02:14.165 --> 00:02:16.635 align:middle line:90% 00:02:16.635 --> 00:02:19.010 align:middle line:84% I didn't realize it's not safe to tell any stories around 00:02:19.010 --> 00:02:21.200 align:middle line:90% here. 00:02:21.200 --> 00:02:22.008 align:middle line:90% Thank you, Melanie. 00:02:22.008 --> 00:02:23.300 align:middle line:90% And, thank you very much, Kate. 00:02:23.300 --> 00:02:25.698 align:middle line:90% That was a beautiful reading. 00:02:25.698 --> 00:02:26.990 align:middle line:90% Thank you to the Poetry Center. 00:02:26.990 --> 00:02:28.320 align:middle line:90% Thank you to Writers At Work. 00:02:28.320 --> 00:02:29.580 align:middle line:90% Thank you for being here. 00:02:29.580 --> 00:02:33.860 align:middle line:84% It's a tremendous honor, always that people 00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:35.900 align:middle line:90% are ready to hear my stories. 00:02:35.900 --> 00:02:37.760 align:middle line:84% We have busy lives, I have a busy life, 00:02:37.760 --> 00:02:40.380 align:middle line:84% and I'm so grateful that you're here. 00:02:40.380 --> 00:02:41.130 align:middle line:90% Is this all right? 00:02:41.130 --> 00:02:43.220 align:middle line:84% Do I need to wrestle with the microphone too? 00:02:43.220 --> 00:02:45.230 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:02:45.230 --> 00:02:47.960 align:middle line:84% The story I'm going to read is called Until It Comes Closer. 00:02:47.960 --> 00:02:50.025 align:middle line:84% And, I will just go ahead and tell you in advance 00:02:50.025 --> 00:02:50.900 align:middle line:90% that it's in dialect. 00:02:50.900 --> 00:02:52.260 align:middle line:90% This is not my reading voice. 00:02:52.260 --> 00:02:55.880 align:middle line:84% It's the voice the story calls for. 00:02:55.880 --> 00:02:58.310 align:middle line:90% Until It Comes Closer. 00:02:58.310 --> 00:03:01.970 align:middle line:84% Sometimes I still wait for my sister to come back. 00:03:01.970 --> 00:03:05.060 align:middle line:84% Days I get up and expect any minute to see her. 00:03:05.060 --> 00:03:08.150 align:middle line:84% I'll find myself watching the road staring behind the baking 00:03:08.150 --> 00:03:10.700 align:middle line:90% soda or up over the closet door. 00:03:10.700 --> 00:03:13.790 align:middle line:84% I had dreams that she comes home all alone. 00:03:13.790 --> 00:03:16.370 align:middle line:84% The two of us looking at each other in a morning cold 00:03:16.370 --> 00:03:18.260 align:middle line:90% and still. 00:03:18.260 --> 00:03:20.390 align:middle line:90% For a while, other people came. 00:03:20.390 --> 00:03:22.970 align:middle line:84% Neighbors dropped by at all hours with casseroles 00:03:22.970 --> 00:03:24.710 align:middle line:84% then sniffed around the house in case 00:03:24.710 --> 00:03:26.960 align:middle line:84% I had her hidden behind the curtain. 00:03:26.960 --> 00:03:29.240 align:middle line:84% People who'd never in their lives done more than nod 00:03:29.240 --> 00:03:31.730 align:middle line:84% in the church service showed up with covered dishes 00:03:31.730 --> 00:03:33.830 align:middle line:90% at 7 o'clock in the morning. 00:03:33.830 --> 00:03:36.710 align:middle line:84% They said ugly things, quoted scripture on shouldering 00:03:36.710 --> 00:03:39.800 align:middle line:84% burdens as if they knew what they were talking about. 00:03:39.800 --> 00:03:42.890 align:middle line:84% Then finally they got bored with having only me to look at, 00:03:42.890 --> 00:03:44.750 align:middle line:90% nothing out of the ordinary. 00:03:44.750 --> 00:03:45.770 align:middle line:90% "Don't you miss her?" 00:03:45.770 --> 00:03:46.970 align:middle line:90% Mardis George asked. 00:03:46.970 --> 00:03:48.800 align:middle line:84% And I wanted to say, "What do you think? 00:03:48.800 --> 00:03:50.840 align:middle line:90% She was my sister." 00:03:50.840 --> 00:03:53.690 align:middle line:84% But we make decisions and we steer by whatever lights 00:03:53.690 --> 00:03:55.370 align:middle line:90% we see. 00:03:55.370 --> 00:03:58.610 align:middle line:84% Mostly, I've gotten used to living on my own. 00:03:58.610 --> 00:04:00.980 align:middle line:84% It's quiet and there are things to tend to. 00:04:00.980 --> 00:04:04.820 align:middle line:84% I raked all the gutters and set out 25 tomato seedlings. 00:04:04.820 --> 00:04:06.890 align:middle line:84% Time soon for squash and eggplant, all 00:04:06.890 --> 00:04:08.300 align:middle line:90% the summer's busyness. 00:04:08.300 --> 00:04:09.470 align:middle line:90% Now it's warm. 00:04:09.470 --> 00:04:11.600 align:middle line:84% I've been keeping the shades up in all the rooms, 00:04:11.600 --> 00:04:14.940 align:middle line:84% the windows wide, and I can see out in every direction. 00:04:14.940 --> 00:04:18.410 align:middle line:84% The vines outside reach right into the rooms. 00:04:18.410 --> 00:04:22.430 align:middle line:84% It's just sometimes that I wake up sudden as if I heard Martha. 00:04:22.430 --> 00:04:24.740 align:middle line:84% Or someone will say something, like Louise 00:04:24.740 --> 00:04:27.110 align:middle line:84% at the market wondering how I could bear to let her go, 00:04:27.110 --> 00:04:29.000 align:middle line:90% she was such a sweet thing. 00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:31.310 align:middle line:90% As if she was my pet. 00:04:31.310 --> 00:04:33.320 align:middle line:84% What's worse is when the dreams come 00:04:33.320 --> 00:04:36.710 align:middle line:84% and I see myself standing in a field, Martha being carried 00:04:36.710 --> 00:04:38.360 align:middle line:90% away from me in a high wind. 00:04:38.360 --> 00:04:41.360 align:middle line:90% I can't do a thing to save her. 00:04:41.360 --> 00:04:44.270 align:middle line:84% I can see now how my mama knew this would happen. 00:04:44.270 --> 00:04:46.670 align:middle line:84% When she was alive, she never took Martha out. 00:04:46.670 --> 00:04:48.470 align:middle line:90% Never introduced her to anybody. 00:04:48.470 --> 00:04:50.870 align:middle line:84% Hardly let her know she lived in the world. 00:04:50.870 --> 00:04:53.990 align:middle line:84% Everything Martha knew was what she saw on TV. 00:04:53.990 --> 00:04:57.110 align:middle line:84% I only wish mama had explained herself to me. 00:04:57.110 --> 00:05:00.020 align:middle line:84% Because I saw how she packed Martha down 00:05:00.020 --> 00:05:02.120 align:middle line:84% in her chair when she was getting ready to leave, 00:05:02.120 --> 00:05:04.040 align:middle line:84% or picked Martha up and put her in her room 00:05:04.040 --> 00:05:07.040 align:middle line:84% when folks came, and I thought she was ashamed. 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:08.990 align:middle line:84% I'd march into Martha's room and play with her 00:05:08.990 --> 00:05:11.630 align:middle line:84% until people were gone even though she wasn't much fun 00:05:11.630 --> 00:05:12.500 align:middle line:90% to play with. 00:05:12.500 --> 00:05:13.460 align:middle line:90% What could she do? 00:05:13.460 --> 00:05:15.230 align:middle line:90% She hardly knew anything. 00:05:15.230 --> 00:05:18.410 align:middle line:84% And then come out after to glare at my mama. 00:05:18.410 --> 00:05:21.620 align:middle line:84% Martha was five-years-old before she saw a feather first hand. 00:05:21.620 --> 00:05:23.180 align:middle line:84% That's how long it was before anyone 00:05:23.180 --> 00:05:24.890 align:middle line:90% thought to bring her one. 00:05:24.890 --> 00:05:26.450 align:middle line:90% It was a pitiful thing. 00:05:26.450 --> 00:05:28.850 align:middle line:84% She was right there in the middle of our lives 00:05:28.850 --> 00:05:30.320 align:middle line:90% from the time she was born. 00:05:30.320 --> 00:05:31.820 align:middle line:84% We could never all go out together, 00:05:31.820 --> 00:05:33.260 align:middle line:90% somebody had to tend her. 00:05:33.260 --> 00:05:37.400 align:middle line:84% But all we did was feed her and make sure she was warm. 00:05:37.400 --> 00:05:39.710 align:middle line:84% Daddy couldn't stand to be in the same room with her. 00:05:39.710 --> 00:05:42.020 align:middle line:84% He'd look at her his mouth going soft 00:05:42.020 --> 00:05:45.110 align:middle line:84% and he'd start to rock himself and moan in a hushy voice 00:05:45.110 --> 00:05:47.900 align:middle line:84% until my mama would hurry in and take him away. 00:05:47.900 --> 00:05:50.420 align:middle line:84% And there would be Martha, her eyes big 00:05:50.420 --> 00:05:52.730 align:middle line:90% wondering what she'd done. 00:05:52.730 --> 00:05:54.890 align:middle line:84% He passed on when Martha was eight. 00:05:54.890 --> 00:05:56.720 align:middle line:90% I was 13. 00:05:56.720 --> 00:05:59.630 align:middle line:84% I came home and told her all about the funeral, the flag 00:05:59.630 --> 00:06:00.440 align:middle line:90% and the guns. 00:06:00.440 --> 00:06:03.490 align:middle line:84% How mama had looked tall and beautiful. 00:06:03.490 --> 00:06:05.240 align:middle line:84% There had been a man there in a wheelchair 00:06:05.240 --> 00:06:07.100 align:middle line:90% and I told her about him too. 00:06:07.100 --> 00:06:09.110 align:middle line:84% How everyone had cleared a respectful space 00:06:09.110 --> 00:06:10.910 align:middle line:90% at the side of the grave. 00:06:10.910 --> 00:06:13.370 align:middle line:84% Martha looked up sharp at that and I told her 00:06:13.370 --> 00:06:15.620 align:middle line:84% his pant legs were full and soft like they'd 00:06:15.620 --> 00:06:17.960 align:middle line:90% been stuffed with cotton rags. 00:06:17.960 --> 00:06:20.270 align:middle line:84% She dropped her eyes again and made me nervous, 00:06:20.270 --> 00:06:23.420 align:middle line:84% so I kept telling about the funeral, remembering everything 00:06:23.420 --> 00:06:24.590 align:middle line:90% for her. 00:06:24.590 --> 00:06:27.590 align:middle line:90% But she didn't look up anymore. 00:06:27.590 --> 00:06:29.390 align:middle line:84% It was after the funeral that my mama 00:06:29.390 --> 00:06:33.560 align:middle line:84% had people come to look at Martha, who were scared frozen. 00:06:33.560 --> 00:06:36.440 align:middle line:84% She'd never had to talk to anybody but us and the doctor, 00:06:36.440 --> 00:06:38.360 align:middle line:84% had hardly even seen anyone else. 00:06:38.360 --> 00:06:41.360 align:middle line:84% The milkman, the mailman, people on TV. 00:06:41.360 --> 00:06:43.790 align:middle line:84% Then all of a sudden, mama was propping her up 00:06:43.790 --> 00:06:46.767 align:middle line:84% in the living room and men in uniforms filed through to look. 00:06:46.767 --> 00:06:49.100 align:middle line:84% One of them actually picked her up and turned her around 00:06:49.100 --> 00:06:51.620 align:middle line:84% like she was a paperweight, until she began to bellow 00:06:51.620 --> 00:06:53.880 align:middle line:84% and mama snatched her back again. 00:06:53.880 --> 00:06:56.540 align:middle line:84% Mama began to stay up late every night with the typewriter, 00:06:56.540 --> 00:06:58.520 align:middle line:90% tapping out page after page. 00:06:58.520 --> 00:07:01.340 align:middle line:84% And Martha got so she shook all the time even when 00:07:01.340 --> 00:07:03.260 align:middle line:84% I was just telling her about school like I'd 00:07:03.260 --> 00:07:05.330 align:middle line:90% done every day for years. 00:07:05.330 --> 00:07:07.130 align:middle line:90% It wasn't like it was secret. 00:07:07.130 --> 00:07:09.097 align:middle line:90% Mama told me right out. 00:07:09.097 --> 00:07:11.180 align:middle line:84% "I think Martha was hurt because of something they 00:07:11.180 --> 00:07:13.790 align:middle line:84% gave your daddy when he was fighting," she told me. 00:07:13.790 --> 00:07:15.560 align:middle line:84% "I'm trying to do something about it. 00:07:15.560 --> 00:07:18.320 align:middle line:84% I'm trying to get some justice for your sister." 00:07:18.320 --> 00:07:19.877 align:middle line:90% It didn't matter to me. 00:07:19.877 --> 00:07:21.710 align:middle line:84% It wasn't going to get arms and legs for her 00:07:21.710 --> 00:07:23.450 align:middle line:90% so I didn't see the use. 00:07:23.450 --> 00:07:26.000 align:middle line:84% I spent a lot of time outside playing. 00:07:26.000 --> 00:07:29.210 align:middle line:84% I can remember those days clear as clear. 00:07:29.210 --> 00:07:30.710 align:middle line:90% They seemed to go on forever. 00:07:30.710 --> 00:07:32.300 align:middle line:90% Mama typing through the nights. 00:07:32.300 --> 00:07:34.370 align:middle line:84% The men coming and asking questions. 00:07:34.370 --> 00:07:35.600 align:middle line:90% Do you get fevers? 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:37.790 align:middle line:84% Do you get blisters under your tongue? 00:07:37.790 --> 00:07:40.880 align:middle line:84% Martha shaking like a chill at anything, even her own sister 00:07:40.880 --> 00:07:43.110 align:middle line:90% coming through the door. 00:07:43.110 --> 00:07:44.420 align:middle line:90% Then it was over. 00:07:44.420 --> 00:07:46.730 align:middle line:84% We'd been getting letters from Washington so steady 00:07:46.730 --> 00:07:48.050 align:middle line:90% I didn't pay them attention. 00:07:48.050 --> 00:07:51.740 align:middle line:84% The eagle envelopes came as often as flyers from the IGA. 00:07:51.740 --> 00:07:53.510 align:middle line:84% But when the last one got there my mama 00:07:53.510 --> 00:07:54.920 align:middle line:90% knew it was different right off. 00:07:54.920 --> 00:07:56.900 align:middle line:84% She grabbed it out of my hands and opened it 00:07:56.900 --> 00:07:59.450 align:middle line:84% in front of the mailbox where anybody could see her. 00:07:59.450 --> 00:08:01.010 align:middle line:84% She didn't move while she read it 00:08:01.010 --> 00:08:03.140 align:middle line:90% but her mouth got hard as wood. 00:08:03.140 --> 00:08:05.150 align:middle line:84% When she finally turned around and stomped back 00:08:05.150 --> 00:08:08.150 align:middle line:84% into the house, I stayed with her close. 00:08:08.150 --> 00:08:09.680 align:middle line:84% She got into the kitchen and stopped 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:11.510 align:middle line:84% to read the letter again then folded 00:08:11.510 --> 00:08:13.640 align:middle line:84% it perfectly along the creases and put it back 00:08:13.640 --> 00:08:16.040 align:middle line:84% in the envelope she'd half shredded. 00:08:16.040 --> 00:08:18.980 align:middle line:84% She was standing with her back to me but she knew I was there. 00:08:18.980 --> 00:08:21.200 align:middle line:90% "Go somewhere else," she said. 00:08:21.200 --> 00:08:22.567 align:middle line:90% I didn't move. 00:08:22.567 --> 00:08:24.650 align:middle line:84% She reached into the high cupboard above the stove 00:08:24.650 --> 00:08:25.760 align:middle line:90% and pulled down a bottle. 00:08:25.760 --> 00:08:27.260 align:middle line:90% "I'm warning you," she said. 00:08:27.260 --> 00:08:28.430 align:middle line:90% Still not looking at me. 00:08:28.430 --> 00:08:31.790 align:middle line:84% "You'd better make yourself scarce or you'll wish you had." 00:08:31.790 --> 00:08:32.970 align:middle line:90% "Where am I going to go?" 00:08:32.970 --> 00:08:33.470 align:middle line:90% I asked her. 00:08:33.470 --> 00:08:35.929 align:middle line:90% Cocksure and dumb like kids are. 00:08:35.929 --> 00:08:37.992 align:middle line:84% She turned around so quick her sleeves puffed up 00:08:37.992 --> 00:08:38.659 align:middle line:90% with the breeze. 00:08:38.659 --> 00:08:40.429 align:middle line:84% "You'd better find yourself a place sister, 00:08:40.429 --> 00:08:42.471 align:middle line:84% and you might as well start finding it right now. 00:08:42.471 --> 00:08:44.970 align:middle line:84% You just find yourself a hole and lay right down in it. 00:08:44.970 --> 00:08:45.800 align:middle line:90% You'll need it. 00:08:45.800 --> 00:08:49.070 align:middle line:84% I can promise you there's no one else will do it for you." 00:08:49.070 --> 00:08:51.620 align:middle line:84% It was five years before she died, but within a year 00:08:51.620 --> 00:08:53.870 align:middle line:84% she drunk herself down to a kernel. 00:08:53.870 --> 00:08:56.420 align:middle line:84% Nights I'd come home and spoon the same food into three 00:08:56.420 --> 00:08:59.180 align:middle line:84% mouths first Martha's, then mama's, then I'd 00:08:59.180 --> 00:09:01.250 align:middle line:90% make myself eat some too. 00:09:01.250 --> 00:09:04.130 align:middle line:84% We managed until Martha got an infection, her fever 00:09:04.130 --> 00:09:05.870 align:middle line:84% up so high I could see the blood racing 00:09:05.870 --> 00:09:07.790 align:middle line:90% under that silk white skin. 00:09:07.790 --> 00:09:09.920 align:middle line:84% When the doctor came, he wrote out a prescription 00:09:09.920 --> 00:09:11.330 align:middle line:90% and handed it to me. 00:09:11.330 --> 00:09:13.070 align:middle line:90% "My mama," I started to say. 00:09:13.070 --> 00:09:15.140 align:middle line:84% "Can't do a thing for herself," he cut in. 00:09:15.140 --> 00:09:16.910 align:middle line:84% "You hurry now to get this filled. 00:09:16.910 --> 00:09:19.580 align:middle line:84% I'll wait with your sister until you get back." 00:09:19.580 --> 00:09:21.740 align:middle line:84% Mama stayed slumped in a corner the sofa 00:09:21.740 --> 00:09:24.410 align:middle line:84% and when I got to the drugstore Bert filled the prescription 00:09:24.410 --> 00:09:26.840 align:middle line:90% without any questions. 00:09:26.840 --> 00:09:28.250 align:middle line:90% Martha and I survived. 00:09:28.250 --> 00:09:29.870 align:middle line:90% We lived day after day. 00:09:29.870 --> 00:09:31.740 align:middle line:90% What else was there to do? 00:09:31.740 --> 00:09:33.590 align:middle line:84% I put one foot in front of the other. 00:09:33.590 --> 00:09:36.290 align:middle line:84% I tried bringing her things from outside to look at, 00:09:36.290 --> 00:09:38.300 align:middle line:90% little things leaves and stones. 00:09:38.300 --> 00:09:40.118 align:middle line:90% But after a while I quit. 00:09:40.118 --> 00:09:42.410 align:middle line:84% What good was it for her to have a stone if she'd never 00:09:42.410 --> 00:09:44.180 align:middle line:90% felt water in a creek? 00:09:44.180 --> 00:09:46.970 align:middle line:84% But I told her everything I knew about people and things 00:09:46.970 --> 00:09:49.580 align:middle line:84% so she'd know more than what she saw on TV. 00:09:49.580 --> 00:09:51.260 align:middle line:84% She got to where she asked questions 00:09:51.260 --> 00:09:53.630 align:middle line:84% even though she hushed up whenever anyone was there. 00:09:53.630 --> 00:09:56.120 align:middle line:84% People thought she was retarded on top of everything else 00:09:56.120 --> 00:09:57.680 align:middle line:90% but she was just shy. 00:09:57.680 --> 00:10:00.530 align:middle line:84% Smart too, as it turned out, smarter than me. 00:10:00.530 --> 00:10:02.930 align:middle line:84% Because when I first came up with the idea of taking her 00:10:02.930 --> 00:10:04.790 align:middle line:90% out, she said no. 00:10:04.790 --> 00:10:06.360 align:middle line:84% She said it would change everything 00:10:06.360 --> 00:10:08.310 align:middle line:84% and she didn't want people looking at her. 00:10:08.310 --> 00:10:09.380 align:middle line:90% How did she know? 00:10:09.380 --> 00:10:12.470 align:middle line:84% I thought it was just what she needed and said so. 00:10:12.470 --> 00:10:13.970 align:middle line:90% "We'll just go by ourselves. 00:10:13.970 --> 00:10:14.810 align:middle line:90% Take back roads." 00:10:14.810 --> 00:10:15.470 align:middle line:90% I said. 00:10:15.470 --> 00:10:17.510 align:middle line:84% "A wheelchair doesn't make much noise. 00:10:17.510 --> 00:10:18.710 align:middle line:90% Nobody'll mind us. 00:10:18.710 --> 00:10:20.270 align:middle line:84% You're a part of this world, Martha. 00:10:20.270 --> 00:10:23.100 align:middle line:84% And it's not fair you don't know anything about it." 00:10:23.100 --> 00:10:25.790 align:middle line:84% Well, I was right too and anybody could see it. 00:10:25.790 --> 00:10:28.250 align:middle line:84% Once I had the idea, it was with me all the time, 00:10:28.250 --> 00:10:29.180 align:middle line:90% bright as morning. 00:10:29.180 --> 00:10:31.730 align:middle line:84% And even though Martha kept telling me it wasn't smart 00:10:31.730 --> 00:10:34.765 align:middle line:84% and it wouldn't work, she knew my mind was made up. 00:10:34.765 --> 00:10:36.140 align:middle line:84% Eventually, she asked me to leave 00:10:36.140 --> 00:10:38.473 align:middle line:84% the little window in her room open so she could get used 00:10:38.473 --> 00:10:39.960 align:middle line:90% to the cool air on her face. 00:10:39.960 --> 00:10:42.530 align:middle line:84% And I knew she was done fighting. 00:10:42.530 --> 00:10:44.060 align:middle line:90% I started to get us ready. 00:10:44.060 --> 00:10:46.310 align:middle line:84% I outfitted Martha's wheelchair with wide tires 00:10:46.310 --> 00:10:48.830 align:middle line:84% like a bike's and I practiced pushing it up the valley 00:10:48.830 --> 00:10:50.540 align:middle line:84% behind the house, loading it down 00:10:50.540 --> 00:10:53.540 align:middle line:84% with encyclopedias that weighed more than Martha did. 00:10:53.540 --> 00:10:55.310 align:middle line:84% I fixed her some new clothes, first she'd 00:10:55.310 --> 00:10:59.450 align:middle line:84% had in Lord knows how long, and I bought us both ponchos. 00:10:59.450 --> 00:11:01.430 align:middle line:84% I put together a lightweight kit for food 00:11:01.430 --> 00:11:03.140 align:middle line:84% that we'd buy on the road, and fixed 00:11:03.140 --> 00:11:06.020 align:middle line:84% a basket on the back of the chair for the flashlight, tent, 00:11:06.020 --> 00:11:08.120 align:middle line:84% matches, and all Martha's supplies. 00:11:08.120 --> 00:11:10.310 align:middle line:90% We were ready for things. 00:11:10.310 --> 00:11:12.260 align:middle line:90% I got myself sturdy boots. 00:11:12.260 --> 00:11:16.370 align:middle line:84% The day before we left I went to the bank and took out $750. 00:11:16.370 --> 00:11:19.010 align:middle line:84% Lucille looked surprised when I told her how much I wanted, 00:11:19.010 --> 00:11:21.230 align:middle line:84% and she handed the money to me slow, giving me 00:11:21.230 --> 00:11:23.480 align:middle line:90% plenty of time to explain. 00:11:23.480 --> 00:11:25.340 align:middle line:84% I put it in my purse and walked out. 00:11:25.340 --> 00:11:27.980 align:middle line:90% What business was it of hers? 00:11:27.980 --> 00:11:29.420 align:middle line:84% In the morning, I sat with Martha 00:11:29.420 --> 00:11:31.970 align:middle line:84% and spread the map of Indiana in front of her. 00:11:31.970 --> 00:11:33.230 align:middle line:90% It was our second map. 00:11:33.230 --> 00:11:36.110 align:middle line:84% We'd gone over the first one so many times, tracing routes 00:11:36.110 --> 00:11:38.150 align:middle line:84% and then changing our minds and trying to erase, 00:11:38.150 --> 00:11:40.160 align:middle line:90% that it had disintegrated. 00:11:40.160 --> 00:11:42.920 align:middle line:84% Martha didn't have the faintest idea how the maps connected 00:11:42.920 --> 00:11:44.965 align:middle line:84% with roads or things to see, but she 00:11:44.965 --> 00:11:47.090 align:middle line:84% could follow the spidery lines better with her eyes 00:11:47.090 --> 00:11:50.510 align:middle line:84% than I could using my finger, so I made her Navigator. 00:11:50.510 --> 00:11:52.215 align:middle line:84% I pinned the map down over her so she 00:11:52.215 --> 00:11:54.590 align:middle line:84% could see how we followed the blue lines that branched up 00:11:54.590 --> 00:11:55.760 align:middle line:90% the page. 00:11:55.760 --> 00:11:59.820 align:middle line:84% I put sweaters on both of us and locked the door as we went out. 00:11:59.820 --> 00:12:02.780 align:middle line:84% It was a pretty morning, the kind that feels clean. 00:12:02.780 --> 00:12:05.360 align:middle line:84% Looking down at Martha I could see how tense she was. 00:12:05.360 --> 00:12:07.850 align:middle line:84% She was pushing herself back against the chair 00:12:07.850 --> 00:12:09.980 align:middle line:90% and her eyes were big and wild. 00:12:09.980 --> 00:12:12.380 align:middle line:84% She had gone out a time or two into the backyard, 00:12:12.380 --> 00:12:14.280 align:middle line:84% but in ten steps we'd be in land she'd never 00:12:14.280 --> 00:12:15.840 align:middle line:90% seen in all her life. 00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:17.100 align:middle line:90% "Where to, Navigator?" 00:12:17.100 --> 00:12:17.970 align:middle line:90% I asked her. 00:12:17.970 --> 00:12:20.880 align:middle line:84% It wouldn't have done any good to slow down then. 00:12:20.880 --> 00:12:21.390 align:middle line:90% "North." 00:12:21.390 --> 00:12:22.195 align:middle line:90% She muttered. 00:12:22.195 --> 00:12:24.570 align:middle line:84% And I knew she didn't have any idea which of those valley 00:12:24.570 --> 00:12:25.800 align:middle line:90% walls was North. 00:12:25.800 --> 00:12:27.750 align:middle line:84% She wasn't even looking ahead, just staring 00:12:27.750 --> 00:12:30.930 align:middle line:84% at the tree branches locked together up over our heads. 00:12:30.930 --> 00:12:32.910 align:middle line:84% I started pushing up the hill to the North road 00:12:32.910 --> 00:12:34.470 align:middle line:90% as fast as I could. 00:12:34.470 --> 00:12:36.510 align:middle line:84% After the encyclopedias, Martha's weight 00:12:36.510 --> 00:12:40.043 align:middle line:84% was nothing at all, no more than a handful of feathers. 00:12:40.043 --> 00:12:41.460 align:middle line:84% These were the hills and woods I'd 00:12:41.460 --> 00:12:43.230 align:middle line:90% run around since I was a girl. 00:12:43.230 --> 00:12:45.300 align:middle line:84% These were the trees I'd climbed and hid in, 00:12:45.300 --> 00:12:47.760 align:middle line:84% and secret places where I used to flush out rabbits, 00:12:47.760 --> 00:12:51.300 align:middle line:84% and I kept pointing all of them out to Martha as we rolled by. 00:12:51.300 --> 00:12:52.890 align:middle line:84% Places I'd been running and jumping in 00:12:52.890 --> 00:12:55.470 align:middle line:90% since I was half her age, less. 00:12:55.470 --> 00:12:57.480 align:middle line:84% There were no people nearby and the crunch 00:12:57.480 --> 00:12:59.130 align:middle line:84% of the heavy wheels on leaves and twigs 00:12:59.130 --> 00:13:01.380 align:middle line:84% was scaring away birds and animals. 00:13:01.380 --> 00:13:03.480 align:middle line:90% It was probably just as well. 00:13:03.480 --> 00:13:06.690 align:middle line:84% In that mild morning, light coming down easy on our heads, 00:13:06.690 --> 00:13:08.865 align:middle line:84% Martha was squeezed back tight in her chair 00:13:08.865 --> 00:13:10.740 align:middle line:84% and if she could have managed to say anything 00:13:10.740 --> 00:13:12.573 align:middle line:84% I know she would have told me to turn around 00:13:12.573 --> 00:13:14.100 align:middle line:90% right there on the spot. 00:13:14.100 --> 00:13:15.540 align:middle line:90% I talked a blue streak. 00:13:15.540 --> 00:13:18.120 align:middle line:84% I've never found myself with so much to say. 00:13:18.120 --> 00:13:20.700 align:middle line:84% If we went back then, before we even left our own land, 00:13:20.700 --> 00:13:22.170 align:middle line:90% she'd never go out again. 00:13:22.170 --> 00:13:24.360 align:middle line:84% She would never see anything simple and skittish 00:13:24.360 --> 00:13:27.240 align:middle line:84% as a squirrel firsthand, and maybe it was selfish of me, 00:13:27.240 --> 00:13:29.730 align:middle line:90% but I couldn't stand that. 00:13:29.730 --> 00:13:31.987 align:middle line:84% Just as Martha was starting to rediscover her voice 00:13:31.987 --> 00:13:33.570 align:middle line:84% and little whimpers were bubbling out, 00:13:33.570 --> 00:13:36.112 align:middle line:84% we cleared the top of the ridge and bumped onto the hard dirt 00:13:36.112 --> 00:13:36.948 align:middle line:90% road. 00:13:36.948 --> 00:13:38.740 align:middle line:84% "This is the way I used to walk to school." 00:13:38.740 --> 00:13:40.200 align:middle line:90% I told her, and slowed down. 00:13:40.200 --> 00:13:42.360 align:middle line:84% "The older kids used to stand right off to the edge 00:13:42.360 --> 00:13:45.210 align:middle line:84% here and wait to scare the little ones on their way home." 00:13:45.210 --> 00:13:45.810 align:middle line:90% "Did they?" 00:13:45.810 --> 00:13:46.680 align:middle line:90% She asked. 00:13:46.680 --> 00:13:48.090 align:middle line:90% "Scare you?" 00:13:48.090 --> 00:13:48.930 align:middle line:90% "They never did. 00:13:48.930 --> 00:13:50.732 align:middle line:90% I knew they were there." 00:13:50.732 --> 00:13:52.440 align:middle line:84% I waited for Martha to say something else 00:13:52.440 --> 00:13:54.030 align:middle line:90% but she stayed quiet. 00:13:54.030 --> 00:13:55.740 align:middle line:84% When I looked down at her I thought maybe 00:13:55.740 --> 00:13:57.990 align:middle line:84% she was just a hair less tense, at least 00:13:57.990 --> 00:14:01.440 align:middle line:84% she didn't seem to be backed up so hard against the chair. 00:14:01.440 --> 00:14:03.840 align:middle line:84% I slowed way down so the sound of the wheels 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:05.370 align:middle line:84% and the creak of the chair softened, 00:14:05.370 --> 00:14:07.890 align:middle line:84% and I put my hand on top of Martha's head. 00:14:07.890 --> 00:14:10.960 align:middle line:84% I was going to say something, find some words to reassure 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:13.620 align:middle line:84% her, I don't know what, but a mockingbird dropped like a rock 00:14:13.620 --> 00:14:15.208 align:middle line:84% from a tree a few feet ahead of us 00:14:15.208 --> 00:14:17.250 align:middle line:84% and Martha was plastered to the back of the chair 00:14:17.250 --> 00:14:19.140 align:middle line:84% again even after it swooped back up 00:14:19.140 --> 00:14:22.050 align:middle line:84% and started singing in that mean way they have. 00:14:22.050 --> 00:14:23.790 align:middle line:90% "A mockingbird, that's all. 00:14:23.790 --> 00:14:26.100 align:middle line:90% We'll see them all over." 00:14:26.100 --> 00:14:27.480 align:middle line:90% I felt helpless. 00:14:27.480 --> 00:14:30.180 align:middle line:84% For weeks I'd been telling her how if she stayed still 00:14:30.180 --> 00:14:31.740 align:middle line:90% animals might come. 00:14:31.740 --> 00:14:33.510 align:middle line:84% I'd been telling her how pure it feels 00:14:33.510 --> 00:14:36.360 align:middle line:84% to have a chipmunk come up close, or a squirrel. 00:14:36.360 --> 00:14:38.610 align:middle line:84% Now here she was terrified of a mockingbird. 00:14:38.610 --> 00:14:40.740 align:middle line:84% "Martha, I thought it was going to fall." 00:14:40.740 --> 00:14:41.730 align:middle line:90% She interrupted me. 00:14:41.730 --> 00:14:43.380 align:middle line:84% "It came down so fast and I didn't 00:14:43.380 --> 00:14:45.180 align:middle line:84% see where it was coming from and I didn't 00:14:45.180 --> 00:14:47.013 align:middle line:90% know it meant to do that." 00:14:47.013 --> 00:14:48.180 align:middle line:90% "They're like that," I said. 00:14:48.180 --> 00:14:50.250 align:middle line:90% "Pretty, isn't it?" 00:14:50.250 --> 00:14:51.060 align:middle line:90% "I can't tell. 00:14:51.060 --> 00:14:52.320 align:middle line:90% I can't see it way up there. 00:14:52.320 --> 00:14:54.690 align:middle line:84% I have to wait until it comes closer." 00:14:54.690 --> 00:14:56.625 align:middle line:84% I wasn't about to tell her about mockingbirds. 00:14:56.625 --> 00:14:58.500 align:middle line:84% How we could stay there all week and wouldn't 00:14:58.500 --> 00:15:00.180 align:middle line:90% see any more of that bird. 00:15:00.180 --> 00:15:02.310 align:middle line:84% Sweat was running down her neck and mine. 00:15:02.310 --> 00:15:04.530 align:middle line:84% It was a good enough time to rest. 00:15:04.530 --> 00:15:06.510 align:middle line:84% We stayed in the shady part of the road 00:15:06.510 --> 00:15:08.850 align:middle line:90% and the bird kept singing away. 00:15:08.850 --> 00:15:10.620 align:middle line:84% I don't know how long we were there. 00:15:10.620 --> 00:15:12.775 align:middle line:84% I was uncomfortable, but I couldn't shift my weight 00:15:12.775 --> 00:15:14.400 align:middle line:84% because the bird would hear me and that 00:15:14.400 --> 00:15:15.900 align:middle line:90% would be the end of it. 00:15:15.900 --> 00:15:17.880 align:middle line:84% For once I knew enough to keep quiet 00:15:17.880 --> 00:15:20.820 align:middle line:84% and I watched the air dry the sweat on Martha's neck. 00:15:20.820 --> 00:15:23.220 align:middle line:84% I thought my patience had given out half a hundred times 00:15:23.220 --> 00:15:25.200 align:middle line:84% before that bird flew down to a lower branch 00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:27.120 align:middle line:90% where we could almost see him. 00:15:27.120 --> 00:15:29.370 align:middle line:84% The sun hit the feathers on his tail 00:15:29.370 --> 00:15:31.200 align:middle line:90% and we could see them shine. 00:15:31.200 --> 00:15:33.060 align:middle line:84% I knew it was the best we were going to do, 00:15:33.060 --> 00:15:34.650 align:middle line:90% that bright purple and black. 00:15:34.650 --> 00:15:36.720 align:middle line:84% But Martha was staring and quiet as a wall 00:15:36.720 --> 00:15:38.828 align:middle line:90% so I stayed quiet too. 00:15:38.828 --> 00:15:40.620 align:middle line:84% Then the bird jumped right down in the dirt 00:15:40.620 --> 00:15:42.540 align:middle line:84% in front of Martha's chair and pecked around for something 00:15:42.540 --> 00:15:43.530 align:middle line:90% to eat. 00:15:43.530 --> 00:15:45.840 align:middle line:84% We could see his big cocky head and how 00:15:45.840 --> 00:15:48.660 align:middle line:84% the white band on his wing folded into his body. 00:15:48.660 --> 00:15:50.490 align:middle line:84% I'd never been so close to a bird. 00:15:50.490 --> 00:15:51.990 align:middle line:84% For a second I forgot about Martha 00:15:51.990 --> 00:15:53.370 align:middle line:90% and craned to see better. 00:15:53.370 --> 00:15:55.020 align:middle line:84% The bird marched around in front of us 00:15:55.020 --> 00:15:57.630 align:middle line:84% so I could see the hard scales on its skinny legs 00:15:57.630 --> 00:15:59.370 align:middle line:84% and how its beak was dull yellow. 00:15:59.370 --> 00:16:00.600 align:middle line:90% "Just look at that thing." 00:16:00.600 --> 00:16:01.830 align:middle line:90% I couldn't help whispering. 00:16:01.830 --> 00:16:05.310 align:middle line:84% It flew off then, pulled up straight as if by a string. 00:16:05.310 --> 00:16:06.780 align:middle line:84% And Martha said, "I always thought 00:16:06.780 --> 00:16:09.060 align:middle line:90% it would look like that." 00:16:09.060 --> 00:16:10.770 align:middle line:90% After that everything got easy. 00:16:10.770 --> 00:16:13.110 align:middle line:84% She asked me to pin up her hair so she could 00:16:13.110 --> 00:16:14.590 align:middle line:90% feel the breeze on her neck. 00:16:14.590 --> 00:16:16.710 align:middle line:84% We stopped to have lunch and by nightfall we'd 00:16:16.710 --> 00:16:18.630 align:middle line:90% pushed maybe five miles. 00:16:18.630 --> 00:16:20.695 align:middle line:84% There were trees I wasn't sure I'd seen before 00:16:20.695 --> 00:16:23.070 align:middle line:84% and I couldn't tell her who lived in the houses and farms 00:16:23.070 --> 00:16:24.150 align:middle line:90% we passed. 00:16:24.150 --> 00:16:27.120 align:middle line:84% "Tomorrow," I said as I pitched our tent off under some oaks. 00:16:27.120 --> 00:16:29.380 align:middle line:84% "It'll be as new to me as to you." 00:16:29.380 --> 00:16:31.740 align:middle line:90% "That'll be good," she said. 00:16:31.740 --> 00:16:33.840 align:middle line:84% We'd seen only one person all day 00:16:33.840 --> 00:16:35.760 align:middle line:84% and that was across a wide field. 00:16:35.760 --> 00:16:40.320 align:middle line:84% He'd waved to us and I stopped to wave back, 00:16:40.320 --> 00:16:41.910 align:middle line:84% swinging my arm across the air as 00:16:41.910 --> 00:16:45.690 align:middle line:84% if he was the person we'd hoped all along we'd see. 00:16:45.690 --> 00:16:48.210 align:middle line:90% For one week, it was perfect. 00:16:48.210 --> 00:16:50.640 align:middle line:84% In the mornings I'd get up first and find a store. 00:16:50.640 --> 00:16:52.440 align:middle line:84% I had to get Martha milk every day. 00:16:52.440 --> 00:16:56.070 align:middle line:84% And then I'd get Martha up put her hair up and sunblock on, 00:16:56.070 --> 00:16:57.420 align:middle line:90% make us breakfast. 00:16:57.420 --> 00:16:59.760 align:middle line:84% She didn't fuss like she did at home. 00:16:59.760 --> 00:17:02.280 align:middle line:84% Most of the time she didn't say anything at all. 00:17:02.280 --> 00:17:04.170 align:middle line:84% I'd be talking about the walk over, 00:17:04.170 --> 00:17:06.630 align:middle line:84% the folks at the store, the funny little towns we were 00:17:06.630 --> 00:17:08.849 align:middle line:84% skirting, and I looked to see her staring 00:17:08.849 --> 00:17:11.369 align:middle line:90% at grass or moss on a rock. 00:17:11.369 --> 00:17:12.150 align:middle line:90% "What is that?" 00:17:12.150 --> 00:17:13.079 align:middle line:90% She'd ask. 00:17:13.079 --> 00:17:13.980 align:middle line:90% "It's just moss. 00:17:13.980 --> 00:17:15.595 align:middle line:90% You've seen moss before." 00:17:15.595 --> 00:17:17.220 align:middle line:84% She glanced and turned back to the moss 00:17:17.220 --> 00:17:18.420 align:middle line:90% and I'd feel ridiculous. 00:17:18.420 --> 00:17:21.270 align:middle line:90% Who puts pictures of moss on TV? 00:17:21.270 --> 00:17:23.099 align:middle line:90% We made about 10 miles a day. 00:17:23.099 --> 00:17:24.420 align:middle line:90% We weren't in any hurry. 00:17:24.420 --> 00:17:26.910 align:middle line:84% We were touring, after all, no timetable. 00:17:26.910 --> 00:17:29.190 align:middle line:84% And pushing Martha up some of those soft looking hills 00:17:29.190 --> 00:17:30.960 align:middle line:90% slowed our pace. 00:17:30.960 --> 00:17:33.480 align:middle line:84% I opened my eyes wide for new things to show her 00:17:33.480 --> 00:17:35.160 align:middle line:84% and I started seeing animals I'd never 00:17:35.160 --> 00:17:36.810 align:middle line:90% been able to find on my own. 00:17:36.810 --> 00:17:38.777 align:middle line:90% Muskrats, foxes. 00:17:38.777 --> 00:17:40.860 align:middle line:84% "Look at the skinny little fingers on that thing," 00:17:40.860 --> 00:17:43.410 align:middle line:84% I whispered at Martha when we saw the raccoon. 00:17:43.410 --> 00:17:45.052 align:middle line:84% "Look like they could pick a lock." 00:17:45.052 --> 00:17:47.260 align:middle line:84% "I saw one yesterday when you were off at the store." 00:17:47.260 --> 00:17:48.000 align:middle line:90% Martha said. 00:17:48.000 --> 00:17:49.860 align:middle line:90% "I saw it wash its hands." 00:17:49.860 --> 00:17:50.460 align:middle line:90% "Well, shoot. 00:17:50.460 --> 00:17:51.668 align:middle line:90% You might have told a person. 00:17:51.668 --> 00:17:53.332 align:middle line:90% You seen elephants too?" 00:17:53.332 --> 00:17:55.290 align:middle line:84% "Don't think so," she said without looking away 00:17:55.290 --> 00:17:55.998 align:middle line:90% from the raccoon. 00:17:55.998 --> 00:17:57.262 align:middle line:90% "Saw a porcupine though." 00:17:57.262 --> 00:17:59.220 align:middle line:84% "Maybe you should start pointing the things out 00:17:59.220 --> 00:18:00.928 align:middle line:90% you see with those X-ray eyes." 00:18:00.928 --> 00:18:02.970 align:middle line:84% "They don't come around so much when you're here. 00:18:02.970 --> 00:18:05.418 align:middle line:90% You make too much noise." 00:18:05.418 --> 00:18:07.710 align:middle line:84% By the end of the week we were pushing out of the hills 00:18:07.710 --> 00:18:09.480 align:middle line:84% into the central flat of the state. 00:18:09.480 --> 00:18:12.810 align:middle line:84% Martha kept guiding us straight North, I don't know why. 00:18:12.810 --> 00:18:14.820 align:middle line:84% We could feel the air beginning to change. 00:18:14.820 --> 00:18:17.280 align:middle line:84% The sweet breeze quit and the only birds we heard 00:18:17.280 --> 00:18:18.660 align:middle line:90% were far away. 00:18:18.660 --> 00:18:21.090 align:middle line:84% Hot damp air settled on our faces and shoulders 00:18:21.090 --> 00:18:22.362 align:middle line:90% like wet flannel. 00:18:22.362 --> 00:18:23.820 align:middle line:84% "You sure you want to go this way?" 00:18:23.820 --> 00:18:24.960 align:middle line:90% I kept asking. 00:18:24.960 --> 00:18:26.880 align:middle line:84% "We don't need to keep going the same way. 00:18:26.880 --> 00:18:30.030 align:middle line:84% We can go East too, over to the river." 00:18:30.030 --> 00:18:31.320 align:middle line:90% "I like this," she'd say. 00:18:31.320 --> 00:18:32.820 align:middle line:84% "I want to see all kinds of country, 00:18:32.820 --> 00:18:35.160 align:middle line:90% not just what you want to see." 00:18:35.160 --> 00:18:37.230 align:middle line:84% But there was less to see all the time. 00:18:37.230 --> 00:18:39.990 align:middle line:84% As the ground leveled around us, the trees gave out, 00:18:39.990 --> 00:18:42.580 align:middle line:84% and we found ourselves looking across broad fields, 00:18:42.580 --> 00:18:44.850 align:middle line:84% the corn barely as high as my knees. 00:18:44.850 --> 00:18:48.450 align:middle line:84% You could see a person standing two acres away plain as day. 00:18:48.450 --> 00:18:49.950 align:middle line:84% Martha and I couldn't have stuck out 00:18:49.950 --> 00:18:51.660 align:middle line:90% more if we'd been billboards. 00:18:51.660 --> 00:18:53.160 align:middle line:84% The farmers and their wives standing 00:18:53.160 --> 00:18:55.535 align:middle line:84% at the edge of their land could watch our steady progress 00:18:55.535 --> 00:18:57.330 align:middle line:90% all afternoon. 00:18:57.330 --> 00:18:59.520 align:middle line:84% "If we went off to the East it would be prettier." 00:18:59.520 --> 00:19:00.240 align:middle line:90% I told her. 00:19:00.240 --> 00:19:01.870 align:middle line:84% "We could go down to the Ohio River. 00:19:01.870 --> 00:19:03.930 align:middle line:90% You've never seen a big river." 00:19:03.930 --> 00:19:05.850 align:middle line:84% "I've never seen corn," she said. 00:19:05.850 --> 00:19:07.650 align:middle line:84% "Never even seen one of these farmhouses, 00:19:07.650 --> 00:19:10.050 align:middle line:84% the way you keep backing away from them." 00:19:10.050 --> 00:19:11.820 align:middle line:84% I'd been thinking she wouldn't notice. 00:19:11.820 --> 00:19:14.280 align:middle line:84% I didn't see any point in going right up to people. 00:19:14.280 --> 00:19:16.650 align:middle line:84% We didn't leave home to look at people. 00:19:16.650 --> 00:19:18.990 align:middle line:84% I just wanted to make sure she saw things. 00:19:18.990 --> 00:19:21.600 align:middle line:84% The rocks, and grass, and plain air that everybody else has 00:19:21.600 --> 00:19:23.790 align:middle line:90% without even thinking about. 00:19:23.790 --> 00:19:25.830 align:middle line:90% I thought that much was her due. 00:19:25.830 --> 00:19:27.510 align:middle line:84% She could look at animals and they 00:19:27.510 --> 00:19:28.740 align:middle line:90% wouldn't stare back at her. 00:19:28.740 --> 00:19:31.140 align:middle line:84% You could trust them for common decency. 00:19:31.140 --> 00:19:32.730 align:middle line:84% But we'd left the animals behind us 00:19:32.730 --> 00:19:34.500 align:middle line:90% in all the thickets and bushes. 00:19:34.500 --> 00:19:36.810 align:middle line:84% And ever since we come into this wide open land, 00:19:36.810 --> 00:19:38.280 align:middle line:84% I'd had the feeling we were being 00:19:38.280 --> 00:19:40.680 align:middle line:90% watched by bright greedy eyes. 00:19:40.680 --> 00:19:42.510 align:middle line:84% As it was, we'd already been stopped once 00:19:42.510 --> 00:19:44.430 align:middle line:84% when a car pulled over in a lady with hair 00:19:44.430 --> 00:19:46.320 align:middle line:84% piled like a Church of Christer got out. 00:19:46.320 --> 00:19:47.250 align:middle line:90% "Can I help?" 00:19:47.250 --> 00:19:47.850 align:middle line:90% She asked. 00:19:47.850 --> 00:19:50.370 align:middle line:84% Her eyes on Martha like they were nailed there. 00:19:50.370 --> 00:19:52.650 align:middle line:84% "No, ma'am we're fine, just out walking," I told her. 00:19:52.650 --> 00:19:54.540 align:middle line:84% "My sister and I are taking the air." 00:19:54.540 --> 00:19:57.060 align:middle line:90% And Martha not saying a word. 00:19:57.060 --> 00:19:58.860 align:middle line:90% "Well, isn't that fine." 00:19:58.860 --> 00:20:01.530 align:middle line:84% "Well you must devote your whole life to her, poor thing." 00:20:01.530 --> 00:20:04.170 align:middle line:84% And she stared and stared like she was memorizing. 00:20:04.170 --> 00:20:05.860 align:middle line:90% "We work together," I said. 00:20:05.860 --> 00:20:07.752 align:middle line:90% Ugly and fresh as cheese. 00:20:07.752 --> 00:20:09.960 align:middle line:84% Mom had always told me that vinegar won't catch flies 00:20:09.960 --> 00:20:12.418 align:middle line:84% and I was trying to get this woman with her hair and flower 00:20:12.418 --> 00:20:14.160 align:middle line:90% dress to leave. 00:20:14.160 --> 00:20:16.388 align:middle line:84% "Why, what could she--" But I was already pushing. 00:20:16.388 --> 00:20:18.930 align:middle line:84% Shooting down the road so fast that I could have made sparks. 00:20:18.930 --> 00:20:20.847 align:middle line:84% Telling Martha that there are fools everywhere 00:20:20.847 --> 00:20:22.140 align:middle line:90% to pay her no heed. 00:20:22.140 --> 00:20:25.920 align:middle line:84% Martha didn't answer and looking down I couldn't read her face. 00:20:25.920 --> 00:20:28.350 align:middle line:84% We couldn't find nice places to sleep anymore. 00:20:28.350 --> 00:20:30.930 align:middle line:84% The air at night was sticky and heavy in our throats 00:20:30.930 --> 00:20:33.390 align:middle line:84% and there weren't any more closed in groves. 00:20:33.390 --> 00:20:34.980 align:middle line:84% I'd walk a half mile off the road 00:20:34.980 --> 00:20:37.230 align:middle line:84% and just put up the tent, as big and plain 00:20:37.230 --> 00:20:39.750 align:middle line:84% as a thumb sticking up out of the ground. 00:20:39.750 --> 00:20:41.370 align:middle line:84% I'd waken five times in the night 00:20:41.370 --> 00:20:43.320 align:middle line:84% and there would be no noise around us. 00:20:43.320 --> 00:20:45.990 align:middle line:84% I kept thinking there must have been a person out there. 00:20:45.990 --> 00:20:47.340 align:middle line:90% We'd hear something. 00:20:47.340 --> 00:20:50.640 align:middle line:84% The trilling of birds when the sun, if we were by ourselves. 00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:53.260 align:middle line:84% But even Martha couldn't bring birds near us now. 00:20:53.260 --> 00:20:55.590 align:middle line:84% And she acted like she didn't see any changes, 00:20:55.590 --> 00:20:57.420 align:middle line:90% like everything was the same. 00:20:57.420 --> 00:21:00.630 align:middle line:84% As long as we were alone, she talked a blue streak. 00:21:00.630 --> 00:21:03.120 align:middle line:84% "That's some corn," she liked to say, jutting out her chin. 00:21:03.120 --> 00:21:05.478 align:middle line:84% "He'd keep up like this it'll be harvest in July." 00:21:05.478 --> 00:21:07.270 align:middle line:84% "You don't know what you're talking about." 00:21:07.270 --> 00:21:07.980 align:middle line:90% I said. 00:21:07.980 --> 00:21:10.380 align:middle line:84% "Might could be a farmer, got a feel for these things." 00:21:10.380 --> 00:21:12.090 align:middle line:84% She banged against the back of her chair 00:21:12.090 --> 00:21:14.040 align:middle line:90% happy as a pig in rain. 00:21:14.040 --> 00:21:15.990 align:middle line:84% "You can't wheel a chair between those rows. 00:21:15.990 --> 00:21:17.573 align:middle line:84% Where are you going to get a foreman?" 00:21:17.573 --> 00:21:18.810 align:middle line:90% "At the getting place." 00:21:18.810 --> 00:21:21.810 align:middle line:84% She banged again, grinning herself silly. 00:21:21.810 --> 00:21:23.280 align:middle line:90% So we kept going. 00:21:23.280 --> 00:21:25.710 align:middle line:84% Even in the morning, the sky was the color of cement, 00:21:25.710 --> 00:21:27.630 align:middle line:84% and Martha's fine hair stuck to my fingers 00:21:27.630 --> 00:21:29.040 align:middle line:90% when I tried to braid it. 00:21:29.040 --> 00:21:30.570 align:middle line:84% We plodded through the landscape, 00:21:30.570 --> 00:21:32.710 align:middle line:84% me wiping the sweat out of our eyes. 00:21:32.710 --> 00:21:34.470 align:middle line:90% I don't know why I kept on. 00:21:34.470 --> 00:21:36.120 align:middle line:84% I could have turned around any time. 00:21:36.120 --> 00:21:39.480 align:middle line:84% I could have said we were out of money, it was time to go back. 00:21:39.480 --> 00:21:41.787 align:middle line:84% But Martha was hell bent to go North as if something 00:21:41.787 --> 00:21:42.870 align:middle line:90% was waiting for her there. 00:21:42.870 --> 00:21:44.700 align:middle line:84% And it got so I forgot I could do anything 00:21:44.700 --> 00:21:46.290 align:middle line:90% except what she wanted. 00:21:46.290 --> 00:21:49.320 align:middle line:84% She said things I couldn't even imagine where she got them. 00:21:49.320 --> 00:21:52.980 align:middle line:84% Squinting at the sunset she muttered, sailor's delight. 00:21:52.980 --> 00:21:55.350 align:middle line:84% Or just looking ahead down the gravel access road, 00:21:55.350 --> 00:21:56.940 align:middle line:90% Tinker's damn. 00:21:56.940 --> 00:21:59.680 align:middle line:84% As if she was testing out the words, running her thumb, 00:21:59.680 --> 00:22:01.320 align:middle line:84% allowing them to check for sharpness. 00:22:01.320 --> 00:22:03.330 align:middle line:84% And I was steady and dumb as a mule, 00:22:03.330 --> 00:22:05.100 align:middle line:84% pushing her one step after another, 00:22:05.100 --> 00:22:08.218 align:middle line:84% not even seeing anymore where we were going. 00:22:08.218 --> 00:22:10.260 align:middle line:84% It was the night we were just outside of Eminence 00:22:10.260 --> 00:22:11.718 align:middle line:84% that I started to look around again 00:22:11.718 --> 00:22:13.700 align:middle line:90% and by then it was too late. 00:22:13.700 --> 00:22:15.200 align:middle line:84% We were in the tent early because it 00:22:15.200 --> 00:22:17.000 align:middle line:84% had gotten too hot to push anymore 00:22:17.000 --> 00:22:19.640 align:middle line:84% and there was no place for us to wait out the sun there 00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:20.730 align:middle line:90% in the open. 00:22:20.730 --> 00:22:23.030 align:middle line:84% So we lay quiet, the late day light 00:22:23.030 --> 00:22:25.460 align:middle line:84% pricking through all the tiny holes in the canvas. 00:22:25.460 --> 00:22:27.230 align:middle line:84% Martha was having trouble breathing, 00:22:27.230 --> 00:22:30.680 align:middle line:84% and her skin had gone the chalky color of old milk. 00:22:30.680 --> 00:22:32.360 align:middle line:84% "I think it might be time to go back," 00:22:32.360 --> 00:22:34.670 align:middle line:84% I said, looking straight up at the top of the tent. 00:22:34.670 --> 00:22:36.780 align:middle line:84% "Things are just going to get worse. 00:22:36.780 --> 00:22:39.830 align:middle line:84% This heat like it is, well, it's time." 00:22:39.830 --> 00:22:41.660 align:middle line:90% "No," said Martha. 00:22:41.660 --> 00:22:44.750 align:middle line:84% Her eyes were closed and her hair was wet at the hairline. 00:22:44.750 --> 00:22:46.258 align:middle line:90% "We can't just keep going. 00:22:46.258 --> 00:22:48.050 align:middle line:84% It's getting hotter every day and our money 00:22:48.050 --> 00:22:49.250 align:middle line:90% won't last forever. 00:22:49.250 --> 00:22:51.590 align:middle line:84% Besides, we'll be at the Capitol before the week is out. 00:22:51.590 --> 00:22:53.930 align:middle line:84% We can't just pitch a tent in the street." 00:22:53.930 --> 00:22:54.950 align:middle line:90% "I'm not going back. 00:22:54.950 --> 00:22:57.440 align:middle line:84% There's plenty we haven't seen yet." 00:22:57.440 --> 00:22:59.720 align:middle line:84% I couldn't figure out what she was expecting. 00:22:59.720 --> 00:23:01.460 align:middle line:90% Every day now was like another. 00:23:01.460 --> 00:23:02.930 align:middle line:90% The sharp gravel beneath us. 00:23:02.930 --> 00:23:05.480 align:middle line:84% The fields unrolling without any relief. 00:23:05.480 --> 00:23:07.760 align:middle line:84% Every once in a while a car sprayed by, 00:23:07.760 --> 00:23:10.730 align:middle line:84% heads inside turning as they passed us. 00:23:10.730 --> 00:23:12.690 align:middle line:84% "We need to change directions," I said. 00:23:12.690 --> 00:23:14.348 align:middle line:84% "We can't just parade into the city. 00:23:14.348 --> 00:23:16.640 align:middle line:84% We'll look in the morning to see where we can turn off, 00:23:16.640 --> 00:23:18.170 align:middle line:90% which way to go." 00:23:18.170 --> 00:23:19.280 align:middle line:90% "No," Martha said. 00:23:19.280 --> 00:23:20.390 align:middle line:90% "We're going North." 00:23:20.390 --> 00:23:22.310 align:middle line:90% Stubborn as a tick. 00:23:22.310 --> 00:23:24.170 align:middle line:84% "Martha, it's blazing every day and there's 00:23:24.170 --> 00:23:26.628 align:middle line:84% nothing to look at but the corn and the fertilizer markers. 00:23:26.628 --> 00:23:28.790 align:middle line:84% What are you so sure of finding up this road?" 00:23:28.790 --> 00:23:30.770 align:middle line:90% "I haven't seen everything yet." 00:23:30.770 --> 00:23:32.450 align:middle line:90% She was keeping her eyes closed. 00:23:32.450 --> 00:23:34.700 align:middle line:84% She knew I wanted her to look at me. 00:23:34.700 --> 00:23:35.720 align:middle line:90% "We can go to the river. 00:23:35.720 --> 00:23:37.820 align:middle line:84% You haven't seen that yet either." 00:23:37.820 --> 00:23:39.350 align:middle line:84% She bunched up her face the way she 00:23:39.350 --> 00:23:41.750 align:middle line:84% used to do when she was little, her chin jerking down 00:23:41.750 --> 00:23:44.420 align:middle line:84% toward her throat, her lips skinned back from her teeth. 00:23:44.420 --> 00:23:46.670 align:middle line:84% "I haven't seen everything on this road. 00:23:46.670 --> 00:23:48.110 align:middle line:90% You keep turning the way we go. 00:23:48.110 --> 00:23:50.150 align:middle line:84% You never ask me what I want to see." 00:23:50.150 --> 00:23:52.490 align:middle line:84% She started to cry and she choked on the last words, 00:23:52.490 --> 00:23:54.770 align:middle line:84% but she wouldn't open her eyes or even move her head. 00:23:54.770 --> 00:23:56.600 align:middle line:84% "Martha, I ask you all the time." 00:23:56.600 --> 00:23:57.100 align:middle line:90% "You don't. 00:23:57.100 --> 00:23:59.642 align:middle line:84% You just wait for me to agree with you so I can get some more 00:23:59.642 --> 00:24:00.590 align:middle line:90% birds to come down. 00:24:00.590 --> 00:24:01.460 align:middle line:90% I hate birds. 00:24:01.460 --> 00:24:03.140 align:middle line:90% They just fly off." 00:24:03.140 --> 00:24:04.820 align:middle line:84% "So what is it you want to see so much? 00:24:04.820 --> 00:24:05.480 align:middle line:90% Tractors? 00:24:05.480 --> 00:24:06.740 align:middle line:90% Interstates?" 00:24:06.740 --> 00:24:08.630 align:middle line:84% I was hot too and I wanted to shake her. 00:24:08.630 --> 00:24:10.580 align:middle line:84% It was all for her, everything we were doing. 00:24:10.580 --> 00:24:12.440 align:middle line:90% "Office buildings?" 00:24:12.440 --> 00:24:14.150 align:middle line:90% "I want to see folks." 00:24:14.150 --> 00:24:16.220 align:middle line:84% She sounded tight and shrill like an engine 00:24:16.220 --> 00:24:17.660 align:middle line:90% running way too high. 00:24:17.660 --> 00:24:19.400 align:middle line:84% "I want to see a farm and you keep me all 00:24:19.400 --> 00:24:21.710 align:middle line:84% to yourself like some damn buried treasure." 00:24:21.710 --> 00:24:23.030 align:middle line:90% "Martha Ruth--" I started. 00:24:23.030 --> 00:24:25.010 align:middle line:84% I'd never heard her use language. 00:24:25.010 --> 00:24:27.980 align:middle line:84% Then from outside the tent someone coughed. 00:24:27.980 --> 00:24:30.080 align:middle line:84% Martha's eyes snapped open like a doll's. 00:24:30.080 --> 00:24:32.120 align:middle line:84% The cough happened again and she smiled, 00:24:32.120 --> 00:24:33.770 align:middle line:90% tears puddled in her ears. 00:24:33.770 --> 00:24:34.340 align:middle line:90% "Come in." 00:24:34.340 --> 00:24:36.860 align:middle line:84% She called, before I could even think what to do. 00:24:36.860 --> 00:24:39.200 align:middle line:84% And I was sitting with my mouth open when a man stooped 00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:41.030 align:middle line:90% his head into the tent. 00:24:41.030 --> 00:24:42.800 align:middle line:90% He wasn't fully a man. 00:24:42.800 --> 00:24:44.330 align:middle line:84% There were pimples ruining his mouth 00:24:44.330 --> 00:24:46.820 align:middle line:84% and his hair stuck up on top like pin feathers. 00:24:46.820 --> 00:24:50.030 align:middle line:84% But he was big, crowding us, and he had an unfinished look 00:24:50.030 --> 00:24:51.890 align:middle line:90% to him like stacked lumber. 00:24:51.890 --> 00:24:54.740 align:middle line:84% When he smiled he showed that two teeth were gone. 00:24:54.740 --> 00:24:55.650 align:middle line:90% "Is this your land?" 00:24:55.650 --> 00:24:56.150 align:middle line:90% I said. 00:24:56.150 --> 00:24:57.260 align:middle line:90% "We won't harm anything. 00:24:57.260 --> 00:24:59.810 align:middle line:84% It was just so hot and my sister's sick." 00:24:59.810 --> 00:25:01.580 align:middle line:84% Martha, her ears still full of tears, 00:25:01.580 --> 00:25:03.020 align:middle line:90% was smiling to beat the band. 00:25:03.020 --> 00:25:05.210 align:middle line:84% But I could see the blood pounding at her throat. 00:25:05.210 --> 00:25:06.830 align:middle line:84% "We're just out walking," I told him. 00:25:06.830 --> 00:25:08.430 align:middle line:90% "We won't cause trouble." 00:25:08.430 --> 00:25:08.930 align:middle line:90% "I know." 00:25:08.930 --> 00:25:09.770 align:middle line:90% He said. 00:25:09.770 --> 00:25:12.620 align:middle line:84% He shuffled in a little further, propped on his knees and elbows 00:25:12.620 --> 00:25:14.540 align:middle line:84% so he was halfway in the tent with us. 00:25:14.540 --> 00:25:17.720 align:middle line:84% His hands were big and loose as slabs of meat. 00:25:17.720 --> 00:25:18.480 align:middle line:90% "We needed rest." 00:25:18.480 --> 00:25:18.980 align:middle line:90% I said. 00:25:18.980 --> 00:25:21.950 align:middle line:84% "My sister is delicate, can't abide the heat." 00:25:21.950 --> 00:25:23.300 align:middle line:90% I watched him look at her. 00:25:23.300 --> 00:25:25.430 align:middle line:84% With her skin so white and her hair, 00:25:25.430 --> 00:25:26.840 align:middle line:84% she seemed to be giving off light 00:25:26.840 --> 00:25:28.640 align:middle line:84% from the corner where I'd set her down. 00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:30.080 align:middle line:90% "My name is Martha," she said. 00:25:30.080 --> 00:25:32.150 align:middle line:90% "That's Janey, my sister." 00:25:32.150 --> 00:25:35.030 align:middle line:84% He went a little further in grinning his gappy smile. 00:25:35.030 --> 00:25:35.960 align:middle line:90% "Earl Hawkes." 00:25:35.960 --> 00:25:38.300 align:middle line:84% He nodded a little at me then turned back to Martha. 00:25:38.300 --> 00:25:39.770 align:middle line:90% "I've been watching you." 00:25:39.770 --> 00:25:40.970 align:middle line:90% "I know," said Martha. 00:25:40.970 --> 00:25:42.945 align:middle line:84% "I saw you on your combine three days ago." 00:25:42.945 --> 00:25:45.620 align:middle line:84% "It wasn't a combine, that's a tractor." 00:25:45.620 --> 00:25:47.300 align:middle line:90% "You were wearing a green cap." 00:25:47.300 --> 00:25:49.340 align:middle line:90% "You got good eyes." 00:25:49.340 --> 00:25:51.230 align:middle line:84% His big hands quivered under his chin 00:25:51.230 --> 00:25:53.840 align:middle line:84% as he talked like the blood in them was running wild. 00:25:53.840 --> 00:25:56.670 align:middle line:84% He smelled dusty and he filled up the tent with heat. 00:25:56.670 --> 00:25:58.160 align:middle line:90% I could hardly breathe. 00:25:58.160 --> 00:25:59.810 align:middle line:84% I thought sure Martha would keel over, 00:25:59.810 --> 00:26:01.940 align:middle line:84% her shrunk lungs frantic for air. 00:26:01.940 --> 00:26:03.860 align:middle line:84% "We can move on, if you want us to." 00:26:03.860 --> 00:26:04.880 align:middle line:90% I told him. 00:26:04.880 --> 00:26:06.470 align:middle line:84% His eyes darted back at me but he 00:26:06.470 --> 00:26:09.270 align:middle line:84% couldn't keep from looking at Martha for too long. 00:26:09.270 --> 00:26:09.770 align:middle line:90% "Oh no." 00:26:09.770 --> 00:26:10.130 align:middle line:90% He said. 00:26:10.130 --> 00:26:11.060 align:middle line:90% "I came to see you. 00:26:11.060 --> 00:26:12.710 align:middle line:90% I wouldn't want you to leave." 00:26:12.710 --> 00:26:14.240 align:middle line:90% "Yes," said Martha. 00:26:14.240 --> 00:26:17.000 align:middle line:84% Then she said to me, "Prop me up," like she was some queen. 00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:19.580 align:middle line:90% "so Earl Hawkes can see." 00:26:19.580 --> 00:26:21.170 align:middle line:84% Her eyes were so bright they scared 00:26:21.170 --> 00:26:22.970 align:middle line:84% me and I could feel Earl Hawkes watching me 00:26:22.970 --> 00:26:24.553 align:middle line:84% as I took Martha and straightened her, 00:26:24.553 --> 00:26:26.600 align:middle line:84% belting her up against her cushion. 00:26:26.600 --> 00:26:28.820 align:middle line:84% They kept looking around me to get at each other 00:26:28.820 --> 00:26:31.190 align:middle line:84% and I was thinking we ought to be in somebody's parlor 00:26:31.190 --> 00:26:33.110 align:middle line:84% in a glider on the front porch, ought 00:26:33.110 --> 00:26:35.150 align:middle line:90% to have cookies and lemonade. 00:26:35.150 --> 00:26:37.190 align:middle line:84% "You've been following us," I said. 00:26:37.190 --> 00:26:38.780 align:middle line:90% He grinned at his big hands. 00:26:38.780 --> 00:26:39.740 align:middle line:90% "It wasn't hard. 00:26:39.740 --> 00:26:42.410 align:middle line:84% But you keep a good pace considering." 00:26:42.410 --> 00:26:45.017 align:middle line:84% "I saw you," Martha said "You squatted below the corn when 00:26:45.017 --> 00:26:46.100 align:middle line:90% you thought I was looking. 00:26:46.100 --> 00:26:48.308 align:middle line:84% Yesterday you disappeared right through the afternoon 00:26:48.308 --> 00:26:50.210 align:middle line:84% and I didn't think you were coming back." 00:26:50.210 --> 00:26:52.160 align:middle line:84% "Went to eat some lunch and got to talking. 00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:54.170 align:middle line:84% But I found your trail quick enough." 00:26:54.170 --> 00:26:56.282 align:middle line:84% "This soft gravel is good that way," Martha said. 00:26:56.282 --> 00:26:57.740 align:middle line:84% "Holds a trail even in rain so long 00:26:57.740 --> 00:26:59.720 align:middle line:90% as there not much traffic." 00:26:59.720 --> 00:27:00.980 align:middle line:90% "I wanted to go another way." 00:27:00.980 --> 00:27:02.030 align:middle line:90% I announced. 00:27:02.030 --> 00:27:03.530 align:middle line:90% I needed to say something. 00:27:03.530 --> 00:27:05.720 align:middle line:84% In the glare of their looking I felt blacked out, 00:27:05.720 --> 00:27:08.760 align:middle line:84% like the people with no eyes in newspaper ads. 00:27:08.760 --> 00:27:10.490 align:middle line:84% "I wanted to go down to the river." 00:27:10.490 --> 00:27:12.110 align:middle line:84% "Janey likes nature," Martha said. 00:27:12.110 --> 00:27:13.735 align:middle line:90% "She likes trees." 00:27:13.735 --> 00:27:15.110 align:middle line:84% "I'm a farmer," Earl Hawkes said. 00:27:15.110 --> 00:27:16.880 align:middle line:90% "160 acres corn and soybeans. 00:27:16.880 --> 00:27:19.520 align:middle line:84% I'm fixing to add another 80 soon." 00:27:19.520 --> 00:27:20.210 align:middle line:90% Martha nodded. 00:27:20.210 --> 00:27:22.730 align:middle line:90% "Be fine if futures hold." 00:27:22.730 --> 00:27:25.100 align:middle line:84% It was TV talk, language from the moon. 00:27:25.100 --> 00:27:28.040 align:middle line:84% It was what the man said every morning on the farm report. 00:27:28.040 --> 00:27:30.260 align:middle line:84% But we weren't farmers down in those soft hills 00:27:30.260 --> 00:27:34.040 align:middle line:84% that lean toward Kentucky and we didn't talk much about futures. 00:27:34.040 --> 00:27:35.395 align:middle line:90% "Tinker's damn," I whispered. 00:27:35.395 --> 00:27:36.770 align:middle line:84% But I might as well have shouted, 00:27:36.770 --> 00:27:38.460 align:middle line:90% it wouldn't have slowed them. 00:27:38.460 --> 00:27:40.130 align:middle line:84% "Got a friend trying to raise cattle. 00:27:40.130 --> 00:27:43.652 align:middle line:84% I keep telling him it won't go; this is land for crops, corn." 00:27:43.652 --> 00:27:45.860 align:middle line:84% "You've got to pay attention to what you want to do," 00:27:45.860 --> 00:27:46.550 align:middle line:90% Martha said. 00:27:46.550 --> 00:27:48.560 align:middle line:84% "You've got to do what you like." 00:27:48.560 --> 00:27:50.900 align:middle line:84% "I like the look of things growing," Earl said. 00:27:50.900 --> 00:27:52.520 align:middle line:84% "Planted right there in the ground." 00:27:52.520 --> 00:27:55.590 align:middle line:84% "Nothing's prettier than corn coming up," Martha said. 00:27:55.590 --> 00:27:57.920 align:middle line:84% I wanted to say she's 16 years old. 00:27:57.920 --> 00:28:00.440 align:middle line:84% She'd never seen a farm a week before. 00:28:00.440 --> 00:28:01.880 align:middle line:84% It didn't take any special genius 00:28:01.880 --> 00:28:03.410 align:middle line:90% to see what she was thinking. 00:28:03.410 --> 00:28:06.260 align:middle line:84% But she wasn't seeing him, how he looked at her, 00:28:06.260 --> 00:28:09.560 align:middle line:84% his eyes rolling over her seed shaped body. 00:28:09.560 --> 00:28:12.067 align:middle line:84% "My daddy says pigs," he was saying, "But I don't like them. 00:28:12.067 --> 00:28:14.150 align:middle line:84% They can get away from you and it's hell's own job 00:28:14.150 --> 00:28:15.320 align:middle line:90% to get a hog back." 00:28:15.320 --> 00:28:18.200 align:middle line:84% "Feed price is up too," Martha said. 00:28:18.200 --> 00:28:21.800 align:middle line:84% He stayed with us there, half in and half out until supper time. 00:28:21.800 --> 00:28:24.410 align:middle line:84% It was so hot in the tent that sweat rolled into my eyes 00:28:24.410 --> 00:28:27.500 align:middle line:84% and stung but Earl Hawkes and Martha didn't appear to notice. 00:28:27.500 --> 00:28:30.872 align:middle line:84% They carried on about farming, living from the land. 00:28:30.872 --> 00:28:33.080 align:middle line:84% "I quit school the second I could," Earl Hawkes said. 00:28:33.080 --> 00:28:35.330 align:middle line:84% "It wasn't teaching me a thing I needed to know. 00:28:35.330 --> 00:28:37.310 align:middle line:84% When I was in classroom on a good planting day 00:28:37.310 --> 00:28:38.870 align:middle line:90% it was pure torture." 00:28:38.870 --> 00:28:39.950 align:middle line:90% Martha tossed her head. 00:28:39.950 --> 00:28:42.350 align:middle line:84% "I never went to school a day," she said, and Earl Hawkes 00:28:42.350 --> 00:28:43.600 align:middle line:90% looked like he worshipped her. 00:28:43.600 --> 00:28:45.740 align:middle line:90% "Is that right?" he said. 00:28:45.740 --> 00:28:47.690 align:middle line:84% "I'm a natural kind of person," Martha said. 00:28:47.690 --> 00:28:50.023 align:middle line:84% "I don't need people telling me what I'm seeing." 00:28:50.023 --> 00:28:52.440 align:middle line:84% "That's just what I tried to tell them," Earl Hawkes said. 00:28:52.440 --> 00:28:53.857 align:middle line:84% "Didn't need a book to tell me how 00:28:53.857 --> 00:28:55.340 align:middle line:90% to put a seed in the ground. 00:28:55.340 --> 00:28:57.770 align:middle line:84% They like to drive me crazy with their charts and such. 00:28:57.770 --> 00:28:59.030 align:middle line:90% Forgot it the day I left. 00:28:59.030 --> 00:29:01.400 align:middle line:84% Been three years now and I'm doing all right." 00:29:01.400 --> 00:29:03.410 align:middle line:84% "Some things you're born to," Martha told him. 00:29:03.410 --> 00:29:05.840 align:middle line:84% "Some things you just feel in your blood." 00:29:05.840 --> 00:29:08.060 align:middle line:84% What I felt in my blood was heat. 00:29:08.060 --> 00:29:09.590 align:middle line:84% It was so dense and wet in the tent 00:29:09.590 --> 00:29:11.632 align:middle line:84% that I felt like a cloud was building wrapping up 00:29:11.632 --> 00:29:12.710 align:middle line:90% Martha and Earl Hawkes. 00:29:12.710 --> 00:29:14.570 align:middle line:84% I blinked and blinked but I couldn't get it 00:29:14.570 --> 00:29:15.710 align:middle line:90% so I could see them. 00:29:15.710 --> 00:29:18.980 align:middle line:84% And they kept at it, like kin who've gone years without word. 00:29:18.980 --> 00:29:20.960 align:middle line:84% Watch the squirrels you know when to plant. 00:29:20.960 --> 00:29:22.100 align:middle line:90% Moon too. 00:29:22.100 --> 00:29:24.770 align:middle line:84% Squirrels are better, more of them so they're steady. 00:29:24.770 --> 00:29:26.060 align:middle line:90% "What about raccoons?" 00:29:26.060 --> 00:29:26.780 align:middle line:90% I said. 00:29:26.780 --> 00:29:29.995 align:middle line:84% "Why not just go up and ask them when it's time to plant." 00:29:29.995 --> 00:29:31.370 align:middle line:84% I didn't want to have to just say 00:29:31.370 --> 00:29:33.530 align:middle line:84% to Earl Hawkes don't pay attention to her. 00:29:33.530 --> 00:29:36.170 align:middle line:84% I didn't want to have to say she's just a kid. 00:29:36.170 --> 00:29:38.645 align:middle line:84% "We don't see raccoons down here," he told me. 00:29:38.645 --> 00:29:39.770 align:middle line:90% "See the moon every place." 00:29:39.770 --> 00:29:41.330 align:middle line:90% Martha said. 00:29:41.330 --> 00:29:43.520 align:middle line:84% It was another hour before the sun finally set 00:29:43.520 --> 00:29:45.480 align:middle line:84% and Earl Hawkes said, "I suppose I should 00:29:45.480 --> 00:29:46.730 align:middle line:90% leave you to fix your supper." 00:29:46.730 --> 00:29:50.105 align:middle line:84% "Yes," I said, quick before Martha could say anything. 00:29:50.105 --> 00:29:51.980 align:middle line:84% The clothes were sticking to all three of us. 00:29:51.980 --> 00:29:54.470 align:middle line:84% I'd been staring I don't know how long at the seam in Earl 00:29:54.470 --> 00:29:57.575 align:middle line:84% Hawkes's shirt biting into the fleshy under part of his arm. 00:29:57.575 --> 00:30:00.200 align:middle line:84% "I'd like to walk with you some tomorrow, if that's all right," 00:30:00.200 --> 00:30:00.740 align:middle line:90% he said. 00:30:00.740 --> 00:30:03.920 align:middle line:84% His hands rose up, pressed down, rose again. 00:30:03.920 --> 00:30:06.290 align:middle line:84% "Yes," Martha shot, glaring at me. 00:30:06.290 --> 00:30:07.290 align:middle line:90% "What about your farm?" 00:30:07.290 --> 00:30:07.790 align:middle line:90% I said. 00:30:07.790 --> 00:30:09.650 align:middle line:90% "Doesn't it need you?" 00:30:09.650 --> 00:30:12.080 align:middle line:84% "It does, but my daddy can help out for a few days. 00:30:12.080 --> 00:30:13.850 align:middle line:84% And I'd sure like to walk with you." 00:30:13.850 --> 00:30:15.500 align:middle line:84% "Come in the morning," Martha said. 00:30:15.500 --> 00:30:17.720 align:middle line:90% "Come early." 00:30:17.720 --> 00:30:19.880 align:middle line:84% We walked with Earl Hawkes three days. 00:30:19.880 --> 00:30:21.253 align:middle line:90% He slept outside the tent. 00:30:21.253 --> 00:30:22.670 align:middle line:84% In the morning of the first day he 00:30:22.670 --> 00:30:24.770 align:middle line:84% was waiting before we were even decently dressed, 00:30:24.770 --> 00:30:27.890 align:middle line:84% and Martha fidgeted and twisted while I sponged her. 00:30:27.890 --> 00:30:29.810 align:middle line:84% Earl Hawkes was wearing his green cap 00:30:29.810 --> 00:30:32.030 align:middle line:84% and watched while I carried Martha out and fixed her 00:30:32.030 --> 00:30:35.600 align:middle line:84% in her chair, and then packed all our gear around her. 00:30:35.600 --> 00:30:36.960 align:middle line:90% After I unhooked the brakes. 00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:39.530 align:middle line:84% He tried to move in front of me as if he would push. 00:30:39.530 --> 00:30:41.390 align:middle line:84% "I brought us this far," I told him. 00:30:41.390 --> 00:30:43.850 align:middle line:90% "I imagine I can keep us going." 00:30:43.850 --> 00:30:45.260 align:middle line:90% "You girls are brave," he said. 00:30:45.260 --> 00:30:47.180 align:middle line:84% "No telling what kind of folks you might run into out 00:30:47.180 --> 00:30:48.260 align:middle line:90% on your own like this." 00:30:48.260 --> 00:30:50.858 align:middle line:84% "You are nearly the first folks we've seen," I said. 00:30:50.858 --> 00:30:53.150 align:middle line:84% "Could use some crop rotation over there," Martha said. 00:30:53.150 --> 00:30:55.790 align:middle line:84% "Look how puny those stalks are." 00:30:55.790 --> 00:30:56.990 align:middle line:90% It went like that. 00:30:56.990 --> 00:30:58.640 align:middle line:84% Martha chattered, busy as a gnat, 00:30:58.640 --> 00:31:00.710 align:middle line:84% and Earl Hawkes couldn't keep his eyes off her. 00:31:00.710 --> 00:31:01.435 align:middle line:90% I watched him. 00:31:01.435 --> 00:31:02.810 align:middle line:84% How he agreed with everything she 00:31:02.810 --> 00:31:05.510 align:middle line:84% said, every level of foolishness about farming. 00:31:05.510 --> 00:31:07.760 align:middle line:84% She brought up fertilizers, and land lease, 00:31:07.760 --> 00:31:09.740 align:middle line:90% varieties of weed killers. 00:31:09.740 --> 00:31:12.050 align:middle line:84% His eyes went around and around her tiny body 00:31:12.050 --> 00:31:14.000 align:middle line:84% and she grinned and tilted her chin up 00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:15.530 align:middle line:90% and tossed her limp hair back. 00:31:15.530 --> 00:31:18.500 align:middle line:84% 16 years without ever stirring out of the house and now 00:31:18.500 --> 00:31:20.810 align:middle line:84% she was talking about manure and preening for this farm 00:31:20.810 --> 00:31:22.987 align:middle line:90% boy with big hands. 00:31:22.987 --> 00:31:25.070 align:middle line:84% Earl Hawkes scratched his head and grinned at her. 00:31:25.070 --> 00:31:26.450 align:middle line:90% He looked and looked. 00:31:26.450 --> 00:31:29.660 align:middle line:84% He almost walked into fence posts twice for staring at her. 00:31:29.660 --> 00:31:31.290 align:middle line:90% At lunch I made him go away. 00:31:31.290 --> 00:31:33.290 align:middle line:84% I didn't want him sitting there while I fed her. 00:31:33.290 --> 00:31:35.180 align:middle line:84% But he was back again in 20 minutes, 00:31:35.180 --> 00:31:37.035 align:middle line:84% kicking at rocks with his dirty boots, 00:31:37.035 --> 00:31:38.660 align:middle line:84% scratching at the ground like a chicken 00:31:38.660 --> 00:31:40.670 align:middle line:84% and edging over to where we were sitting. 00:31:40.670 --> 00:31:43.580 align:middle line:84% He wanted to know things and he wasn't shy about asking. 00:31:43.580 --> 00:31:45.290 align:middle line:84% "You get sick much?" he said to her. 00:31:45.290 --> 00:31:47.270 align:middle line:84% "Delicate," I said, "can't take a lot." 00:31:47.270 --> 00:31:49.130 align:middle line:84% "Mama always said I ran like a watch," 00:31:49.130 --> 00:31:51.500 align:middle line:84% Martha said, and I was too surprised to say anything. 00:31:51.500 --> 00:31:54.080 align:middle line:84% Who could have guessed she'd remember that. 00:31:54.080 --> 00:31:56.570 align:middle line:84% "Your sister make all your clothes?" he asked her later. 00:31:56.570 --> 00:31:58.670 align:middle line:84% "She buys them ready made and then stitches them," 00:31:58.670 --> 00:32:01.100 align:middle line:84% Martha said, looking up sideways at him. 00:32:01.100 --> 00:32:02.360 align:middle line:90% "She's handy with a needle. 00:32:02.360 --> 00:32:04.737 align:middle line:84% Only thing she never got me is a hat." 00:32:04.737 --> 00:32:06.320 align:middle line:84% Earl Hawkes reached up and whipped off 00:32:06.320 --> 00:32:07.790 align:middle line:90% his dirty green cap. 00:32:07.790 --> 00:32:11.250 align:middle line:84% It said John Deere across the front, the stitching half gone. 00:32:11.250 --> 00:32:12.890 align:middle line:90% "Here, you can have mine." 00:32:12.890 --> 00:32:13.517 align:middle line:90% "Martha Ruth." 00:32:13.517 --> 00:32:15.600 align:middle line:84% I said, looking at her grin under the green cloth. 00:32:15.600 --> 00:32:17.130 align:middle line:90% But Earl Hawkes interrupted me. 00:32:17.130 --> 00:32:18.360 align:middle line:90% "I want her to have it. 00:32:18.360 --> 00:32:20.220 align:middle line:90% I like giving things to people. 00:32:20.220 --> 00:32:22.140 align:middle line:84% I met a girl without a hand once gave her 00:32:22.140 --> 00:32:23.995 align:middle line:84% an old awl we had around the place. 00:32:23.995 --> 00:32:25.620 align:middle line:84% She got her hand blown off at the paint 00:32:25.620 --> 00:32:27.450 align:middle line:90% factory where she was working. 00:32:27.450 --> 00:32:30.570 align:middle line:84% Said the woman next to her got blind from paint in her eyes. 00:32:30.570 --> 00:32:32.970 align:middle line:84% Besides--" he said, "Sun like this, you need a hat. 00:32:32.970 --> 00:32:35.580 align:middle line:84% Maybe she won't be so delicate now." 00:32:35.580 --> 00:32:38.070 align:middle line:84% They looked at each other until I pushed the chair again, 00:32:38.070 --> 00:32:39.570 align:middle line:84% starting up so hard that everything 00:32:39.570 --> 00:32:42.750 align:middle line:84% rattled and the wheels spit gravel behind us. 00:32:42.750 --> 00:32:44.730 align:middle line:90% It was still getting hotter. 00:32:44.730 --> 00:32:46.710 align:middle line:84% During the day the sun was dull and grayish 00:32:46.710 --> 00:32:49.230 align:middle line:84% and my hands slipped on the handles of Martha's chair. 00:32:49.230 --> 00:32:51.360 align:middle line:84% At night, the air was so wet that Martha awakened 00:32:51.360 --> 00:32:54.090 align:middle line:84% at midnight soaked, and when I got up to sponge her off 00:32:54.090 --> 00:32:57.840 align:middle line:84% I rocked on my feet and saw a quick flood of winking lights. 00:32:57.840 --> 00:32:59.730 align:middle line:84% Our third day with Earl Hawkes we took a rest 00:32:59.730 --> 00:33:02.400 align:middle line:84% in the afternoon, because we were all three so hot that even 00:33:02.400 --> 00:33:04.680 align:middle line:84% Martha could hardly muster energy to talk. 00:33:04.680 --> 00:33:06.960 align:middle line:84% "Fry an egg on my head," she said, faintly. 00:33:06.960 --> 00:33:09.742 align:middle line:84% But I don't think Earl Hawkes could have heard her. 00:33:09.742 --> 00:33:11.700 align:middle line:84% So we sat in the weeds in the Queen Anne's lace 00:33:11.700 --> 00:33:13.410 align:middle line:90% and dozed a little. 00:33:13.410 --> 00:33:16.110 align:middle line:84% Martha had Earl Hawkes pulled the cap down so it rested right 00:33:16.110 --> 00:33:19.350 align:middle line:84% over her face and I curled up in the shade of her chair. 00:33:19.350 --> 00:33:21.180 align:middle line:90% I didn't intend to sleep. 00:33:21.180 --> 00:33:24.600 align:middle line:84% I just wanted the land to stop wavering and dipping around me. 00:33:24.600 --> 00:33:27.270 align:middle line:84% I couldn't keep Martha's and Earl Hawkes faces clear, 00:33:27.270 --> 00:33:29.790 align:middle line:84% they kept blending together from all the sweat in my eyes 00:33:29.790 --> 00:33:31.470 align:middle line:84% and their words floated to me in ways 00:33:31.470 --> 00:33:33.000 align:middle line:90% that didn't make any sense. 00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:35.280 align:middle line:84% Refrigerators, I thought I heard him say. 00:33:35.280 --> 00:33:38.170 align:middle line:84% And then she said aluminum and veneer. 00:33:38.170 --> 00:33:40.320 align:middle line:84% I heard her say, "It's a showcase design." 00:33:40.320 --> 00:33:43.067 align:middle line:84% and that's when I closed my eyes. 00:33:43.067 --> 00:33:45.150 align:middle line:84% I must have dropped off fast because I didn't even 00:33:45.150 --> 00:33:46.380 align:middle line:90% hear the car coming. 00:33:46.380 --> 00:33:48.450 align:middle line:84% I told myself I would just rest a minute 00:33:48.450 --> 00:33:50.130 align:middle line:84% and there was the heat pressing me down 00:33:50.130 --> 00:33:52.650 align:middle line:84% so that even the ants on my legs weren't bothersome. 00:33:52.650 --> 00:33:56.190 align:middle line:84% The air was thick, heavy as an animal on my chest. 00:33:56.190 --> 00:33:57.780 align:middle line:84% Falling asleep in heat like that is 00:33:57.780 --> 00:34:01.110 align:middle line:84% like falling into a soft bag, dark and velvety. 00:34:01.110 --> 00:34:02.700 align:middle line:84% I was only there a few minutes but it 00:34:02.700 --> 00:34:03.930 align:middle line:90% could have been for hours. 00:34:03.930 --> 00:34:06.540 align:middle line:84% It could have been until the world came down around me. 00:34:06.540 --> 00:34:08.909 align:middle line:84% It took honking and the car fishtailing by for me 00:34:08.909 --> 00:34:11.850 align:middle line:84% to jerk awake and see the people in the car all yelling. 00:34:11.850 --> 00:34:14.580 align:middle line:84% I jumped right up and the road and sky were spinning. 00:34:14.580 --> 00:34:17.429 align:middle line:84% And I couldn't tell just exactly where the ground was. 00:34:17.429 --> 00:34:20.070 align:middle line:84% I grabbed at Martha's chair and closed my eyes for a second, 00:34:20.070 --> 00:34:24.065 align:middle line:84% and then I saw colors, and lost Martha and everything. 00:34:24.065 --> 00:34:25.440 align:middle line:84% When I opened my eyes again I was 00:34:25.440 --> 00:34:26.760 align:middle line:90% flat on the Queen Anne's lace. 00:34:26.760 --> 00:34:28.620 align:middle line:84% It was itching like fury on my legs, 00:34:28.620 --> 00:34:31.632 align:middle line:84% and Earl Hawkes was there, and the car was gone. 00:34:31.632 --> 00:34:33.090 align:middle line:84% "They just wanted some directions." 00:34:33.090 --> 00:34:34.920 align:middle line:84% He said when he saw me looking at him. 00:34:34.920 --> 00:34:38.639 align:middle line:84% From the ground his eyes were black and tiny as beads. 00:34:38.639 --> 00:34:40.260 align:middle line:84% "He told them to go straight to hell," 00:34:40.260 --> 00:34:43.469 align:middle line:84% Martha said, giggling like she'd been drinking. 00:34:43.469 --> 00:34:45.389 align:middle line:84% Her chair was turned so she was facing me, 00:34:45.389 --> 00:34:47.100 align:middle line:84% and she had to squint into the sun. 00:34:47.100 --> 00:34:49.440 align:middle line:84% The cap was on the ground next to her chair. 00:34:49.440 --> 00:34:51.659 align:middle line:84% "They asked him what he was planning to do with me 00:34:51.659 --> 00:34:54.960 align:middle line:84% and he and he told them to go on that they were seeing things. 00:34:54.960 --> 00:34:56.940 align:middle line:84% And then they said I could be a good thing, 00:34:56.940 --> 00:35:00.660 align:middle line:84% couldn't fight much, and he told them to go straight to hell." 00:35:00.660 --> 00:35:02.130 align:middle line:90% Earl Hawkes looked proud. 00:35:02.130 --> 00:35:04.890 align:middle line:84% He smiled and kept bobbing his head, his hands quivering next 00:35:04.890 --> 00:35:05.550 align:middle line:90% to Martha. 00:35:05.550 --> 00:35:07.140 align:middle line:84% "No call for them to talk like that." 00:35:07.140 --> 00:35:07.680 align:middle line:90% He said. 00:35:07.680 --> 00:35:09.555 align:middle line:84% "They didn't even know what they were seeing, 00:35:09.555 --> 00:35:10.890 align:middle line:90% they were just talking." 00:35:10.890 --> 00:35:12.060 align:middle line:90% "What were they seeing?" 00:35:12.060 --> 00:35:13.350 align:middle line:90% I asked. 00:35:13.350 --> 00:35:15.120 align:middle line:84% I wasn't thinking about my words. 00:35:15.120 --> 00:35:16.980 align:middle line:84% I kept blinking in the sun's bright light 00:35:16.980 --> 00:35:19.147 align:middle line:84% and I was trying to rub out the imprint of the weeds 00:35:19.147 --> 00:35:20.670 align:middle line:90% on the backs of my legs. 00:35:20.670 --> 00:35:23.520 align:middle line:84% Martha's giggle spilled out gale force. 00:35:23.520 --> 00:35:25.500 align:middle line:84% Earl Hawkes kept bobbing and quivering. 00:35:25.500 --> 00:35:27.265 align:middle line:84% Then I closed my eyes in earnest, 00:35:27.265 --> 00:35:28.890 align:middle line:84% put my face right in my hands that were 00:35:28.890 --> 00:35:30.600 align:middle line:90% too wet to bring any comfort. 00:35:30.600 --> 00:35:32.520 align:middle line:84% There was dirt on them though, and the grit 00:35:32.520 --> 00:35:34.728 align:middle line:84% was something to hold on to when every surface seemed 00:35:34.728 --> 00:35:36.000 align:middle line:90% to be hot and slick. 00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:37.380 align:middle line:90% "It's time to go back." 00:35:37.380 --> 00:35:38.800 align:middle line:90% I said into my hands. 00:35:38.800 --> 00:35:39.990 align:middle line:90% "We have to go home. 00:35:39.990 --> 00:35:41.880 align:middle line:90% We should have done already." 00:35:41.880 --> 00:35:44.430 align:middle line:84% "I knew she'd say that," Martha said, "I told you she would. 00:35:44.430 --> 00:35:46.530 align:middle line:90% I could see it coming." 00:35:46.530 --> 00:35:48.330 align:middle line:84% I rubbed my face with my gritty palms, 00:35:48.330 --> 00:35:50.190 align:middle line:90% the dirt scraping over my skin. 00:35:50.190 --> 00:35:54.510 align:middle line:84% It was the first thing that had felt right all day. 00:35:54.510 --> 00:35:57.000 align:middle line:84% That night I listened to them after Martha 00:35:57.000 --> 00:35:58.000 align:middle line:90% thought I was asleep. 00:35:58.000 --> 00:35:59.760 align:middle line:90% She coughed twice. 00:35:59.760 --> 00:36:02.440 align:middle line:84% I heard Earl Hawkes slide out the chair and unfold it. 00:36:02.440 --> 00:36:04.890 align:middle line:84% And then I heard him feel his way into the tent. 00:36:04.890 --> 00:36:07.830 align:middle line:84% Just don't let him get it wrong, I was thinking. 00:36:07.830 --> 00:36:10.200 align:middle line:84% Because I wouldn't have any choice if he got mixed up, 00:36:10.200 --> 00:36:12.330 align:middle line:90% came to me instead. 00:36:12.330 --> 00:36:14.280 align:middle line:84% It was too dark in the tent to see anything 00:36:14.280 --> 00:36:16.590 align:middle line:84% but it got hotter with Earl Hawkes there groping around 00:36:16.590 --> 00:36:19.170 align:middle line:84% for Martha and I wished they'd just get it over with. 00:36:19.170 --> 00:36:21.420 align:middle line:84% It wasn't like there was anything I could say. 00:36:21.420 --> 00:36:23.843 align:middle line:84% I'd spent the whole afternoon trying to find words 00:36:23.843 --> 00:36:25.260 align:middle line:84% but the only ones I could remember 00:36:25.260 --> 00:36:28.410 align:middle line:84% were things I'd said to Martha before we even left home. 00:36:28.410 --> 00:36:30.215 align:middle line:84% You're a part of the world too, I told her. 00:36:30.215 --> 00:36:31.590 align:middle line:84% And it was all I could think when 00:36:31.590 --> 00:36:34.650 align:middle line:84% I saw Earl Hawkes lean down to peck at her cheek 00:36:34.650 --> 00:36:37.560 align:middle line:84% the time he thought I wasn't looking. 00:36:37.560 --> 00:36:39.272 align:middle line:84% I stifled the urge to remind him to be 00:36:39.272 --> 00:36:40.980 align:middle line:84% sure to get Martha's milk in the morning, 00:36:40.980 --> 00:36:43.120 align:middle line:84% to make her drink a lot of water, 00:36:43.120 --> 00:36:45.720 align:middle line:84% to brush her hair every day to make it shine. 00:36:45.720 --> 00:36:47.622 align:middle line:84% I thought I would hear Earl Hawkes grunt 00:36:47.622 --> 00:36:49.830 align:middle line:84% when he picked Martha up after he collected her pills 00:36:49.830 --> 00:36:50.490 align:middle line:90% and clothes. 00:36:50.490 --> 00:36:52.350 align:middle line:90% She was heavier than she looked. 00:36:52.350 --> 00:36:53.910 align:middle line:90% But I didn't hear a sound. 00:36:53.910 --> 00:36:56.220 align:middle line:84% Just the swish of them brushing against nylon, 00:36:56.220 --> 00:36:57.960 align:middle line:90% and they were gone. 00:36:57.960 --> 00:36:59.940 align:middle line:84% I stayed perfectly still, waiting 00:36:59.940 --> 00:37:01.830 align:middle line:84% for the finger of cool breeze from the flap 00:37:01.830 --> 00:37:04.170 align:middle line:90% that Earl Hawkes had left up. 00:37:04.170 --> 00:37:05.790 align:middle line:90% I got up before dawn. 00:37:05.790 --> 00:37:08.130 align:middle line:84% It took no time at all to leave, just folding 00:37:08.130 --> 00:37:09.930 align:middle line:90% the tent and my own clothes. 00:37:09.930 --> 00:37:11.520 align:middle line:84% Earl Hawkes had left me a knapsack 00:37:11.520 --> 00:37:14.250 align:middle line:84% to carry things in since he had the chair. 00:37:14.250 --> 00:37:16.940 align:middle line:84% Walking alone in the black air that was already thick as mud, 00:37:16.940 --> 00:37:19.820 align:middle line:84% I felt too light like a dandelion seed. 00:37:19.820 --> 00:37:23.240 align:middle line:84% My feet were almost silent on the gravel, and from a distance 00:37:23.240 --> 00:37:24.470 align:middle line:90% I heard a warbler. 00:37:24.470 --> 00:37:26.820 align:middle line:90% The light would come soon. 00:37:26.820 --> 00:37:27.560 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:37:27.560 --> 00:37:35.410 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:37:35.410 --> 00:37:36.000 align:middle line:90%