WEBVTT

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OK.

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The students like this one.

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[LAUGHS]

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It's called "If (Not
by Rudyard Kipling)."

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[LAUGHTER]

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And it is filled
with literary jokes.

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I'm sorry about
that, but I'm really

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into puns and
silly jokes lately,

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and rhyming, and silly
stuff like that going back

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to my childhood loves.

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Yeah, OK.

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"If you wear a red
dragon on your dress,

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they'll call you oriental.

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If you wear pink
jammies in the rain,

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they'll call you a big baby,
and still call you oriental.

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If you dance naked eating
plums, plums, plums,

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with a side of
white meat chicken,

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they'll call you oriental
by way of Williams."

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[LAUGHTER]

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That's a nerdy joke
for the English majors.

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[LAUGHTER]

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For the modernists especially.

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"If you wear a
dragon dress size 18,

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they'll call you an elephant.

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If you wear a dead
fox on your head,

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they'll elect you president.

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Speak in growls and
tweets and threats,

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you are proud to
buy American, who

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sell you a piece of Plymouth
rock and 72 virgins in heaven.

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Yeah, you are stupid,
but you are our stupid.

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If you are pure of blood
you must not be in American.

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Professor Gates will
shake your ancestral tree

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and prove that you
are half pangolin.

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I'd rather be one than eat one,
I'd rather eat one than be one.

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If a conditional
marries a conjunctional,

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you would be a pink
eyed proposition."

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That's for the math nerds.

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[LAUGHTER]

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"From the perspective
of a goal, we

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are a raft of tasty excrement.

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O gray and lonely April day,
TS Elephant, TS Elephant."

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[LAUGHTER]

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[CLAPPING]

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That's the joke for
the poets there.

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[LAUGHS]

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OK.

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Oh, well it's--

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OK.

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