WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.500 align:middle line:90% 00:00:05.500 --> 00:00:08.560 align:middle line:84% I brought some more of our announcements 00:00:08.560 --> 00:00:12.660 align:middle line:84% in case there's anyone here who hasn't received one. 00:00:12.660 --> 00:00:16.770 align:middle line:84% And we're mailing out the newsletter this week. 00:00:16.770 --> 00:00:20.030 align:middle line:84% If you're not on our mailing list 00:00:20.030 --> 00:00:21.740 align:middle line:84% and would like to receive announcements 00:00:21.740 --> 00:00:24.920 align:middle line:84% of readings in our newsletter, please see me 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:26.120 align:middle line:90% after the reading. 00:00:26.120 --> 00:00:28.100 align:middle line:84% We'd be happy to send material to you. 00:00:28.100 --> 00:00:33.230 align:middle line:90% 00:00:33.230 --> 00:00:35.150 align:middle line:84% Set aside the next five Wednesday 00:00:35.150 --> 00:00:40.100 align:middle line:84% nights, because we have five more readings in this semester. 00:00:40.100 --> 00:00:43.520 align:middle line:84% Next week, Joy Williams will be reading in this auditorium. 00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:47.250 align:middle line:90% Again, a fiction reading. 00:00:47.250 --> 00:00:53.810 align:middle line:84% The following week, Alberto Ríos, then Ann Zwinger. 00:00:53.810 --> 00:00:57.110 align:middle line:84% And then we have added a reading to the schedule 00:00:57.110 --> 00:00:59.580 align:middle line:90% on Veterans Day. 00:00:59.580 --> 00:01:02.420 align:middle line:90% Harriet Doerr will read for us. 00:01:02.420 --> 00:01:06.620 align:middle line:84% And the semester will end with a student reading on November 18. 00:01:06.620 --> 00:01:08.120 align:middle line:90% So it's every Wednesday night. 00:01:08.120 --> 00:01:18.997 align:middle line:90% 00:01:18.997 --> 00:01:20.830 align:middle line:84% Elizabeth Evans has published one collection 00:01:20.830 --> 00:01:25.370 align:middle line:84% of short fiction, Locomotion, from New Rivers Press. 00:01:25.370 --> 00:01:29.990 align:middle line:84% Her stories have appeared in Mademoiselle, Cimarron Review, 00:01:29.990 --> 00:01:33.080 align:middle line:84% Black Warrior Review, Crazyhorse, 00:01:33.080 --> 00:01:35.630 align:middle line:90% and several other magazines. 00:01:35.630 --> 00:01:40.030 align:middle line:84% She's had fellowships at Yaddo and the MacDowell Colony. 00:01:40.030 --> 00:01:44.550 align:middle line:84% In 1984, she received a James Michener Fellowship 00:01:44.550 --> 00:01:46.560 align:middle line:90% for the novel. 00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:49.830 align:middle line:84% She's taught at the University of Nebraska in Omaha 00:01:49.830 --> 00:01:53.610 align:middle line:84% and, for the last five years, worked in the Iowa Writers 00:01:53.610 --> 00:01:55.350 align:middle line:90% in the Schools program. 00:01:55.350 --> 00:01:57.180 align:middle line:84% She's come now to teach for us, and we're 00:01:57.180 --> 00:02:00.390 align:middle line:84% very happy that she's come to be part of the creative writing 00:02:00.390 --> 00:02:01.140 align:middle line:90% department. 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:07.010 align:middle line:90% 00:02:07.010 --> 00:02:09.380 align:middle line:84% I love to read short fiction, and I 00:02:09.380 --> 00:02:16.010 align:middle line:84% love to read long fiction, and seldom read two short stories 00:02:16.010 --> 00:02:17.000 align:middle line:90% in one sitting. 00:02:17.000 --> 00:02:20.990 align:middle line:84% I like to read a short story and then leave it and come 00:02:20.990 --> 00:02:22.340 align:middle line:90% back later and take another. 00:02:22.340 --> 00:02:28.630 align:middle line:84% But the weekend that I was going to start reading Locomotion, 00:02:28.630 --> 00:02:30.550 align:middle line:90% it was like eating peanuts. 00:02:30.550 --> 00:02:32.590 align:middle line:90% I couldn't put it down. 00:02:32.590 --> 00:02:34.930 align:middle line:90% Well, it ruined my morning. 00:02:34.930 --> 00:02:37.300 align:middle line:84% I had a heavy schedule, and I just 00:02:37.300 --> 00:02:38.770 align:middle line:84% canceled everything and stayed home 00:02:38.770 --> 00:02:40.480 align:middle line:90% until I finished the whole book. 00:02:40.480 --> 00:02:42.380 align:middle line:90% And it was a great joy. 00:02:42.380 --> 00:02:45.100 align:middle line:84% And I know that you're going to have a great joy in hearing 00:02:45.100 --> 00:02:46.540 align:middle line:90% Elizabeth read from her work. 00:02:46.540 --> 00:02:48.460 align:middle line:84% It's a great pleasure to introduce her. 00:02:48.460 --> 00:02:50.120 align:middle line:84% I hope you'll stay after the reading 00:02:50.120 --> 00:02:52.453 align:middle line:84% and have some punch and cookies with us out in the hall. 00:02:52.453 --> 00:02:57.519 align:middle line:90% 00:02:57.519 --> 00:03:01.012 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:03:01.012 --> 00:03:04.520 align:middle line:90% 00:03:04.520 --> 00:03:05.210 align:middle line:90% Thanks, Lois. 00:03:05.210 --> 00:03:05.960 align:middle line:90% That was nice. 00:03:05.960 --> 00:03:11.820 align:middle line:90% 00:03:11.820 --> 00:03:15.510 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read tonight from the book 00:03:15.510 --> 00:03:17.370 align:middle line:90% that I'm working on right now. 00:03:17.370 --> 00:03:20.280 align:middle line:84% It's a novel called Ancient History. 00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:24.630 align:middle line:84% And I guess I feel like this is a pretty brave thing for me 00:03:24.630 --> 00:03:28.170 align:middle line:84% to do, to read first chapter of a book 00:03:28.170 --> 00:03:31.110 align:middle line:90% that I haven't yet finished. 00:03:31.110 --> 00:03:33.840 align:middle line:84% I spent a lot of time thinking about what I'd read 00:03:33.840 --> 00:03:38.910 align:middle line:84% and thinking I'd do cuttings and have nice interludes 00:03:38.910 --> 00:03:41.220 align:middle line:90% between the cuttings and so on. 00:03:41.220 --> 00:03:45.600 align:middle line:90% But I decided-- 00:03:45.600 --> 00:03:49.660 align:middle line:84% I wrote this to be read from here to there, 00:03:49.660 --> 00:03:52.300 align:middle line:84% and I didn't want anybody to miss anything. 00:03:52.300 --> 00:03:54.870 align:middle line:84% So I'm going to read the first chapter. 00:03:54.870 --> 00:04:00.630 align:middle line:84% And I'm not really used to this system, 00:04:00.630 --> 00:04:03.510 align:middle line:84% so can you hear me OK back there? 00:04:03.510 --> 00:04:06.390 align:middle line:90% Am I too loud, or OK? 00:04:06.390 --> 00:04:08.476 align:middle line:84% What about when I put my head down? 00:04:08.476 --> 00:04:09.410 align:middle line:90% [INAUDIBLE] 00:04:09.410 --> 00:04:10.380 align:middle line:90% Is that OK? 00:04:10.380 --> 00:04:12.830 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:04:12.830 --> 00:04:20.589 align:middle line:84% I should tell you that this novel has a lot of material 00:04:20.589 --> 00:04:21.940 align:middle line:90% embedded in it. 00:04:21.940 --> 00:04:26.320 align:middle line:84% And I'm going to have to give a signal just 00:04:26.320 --> 00:04:29.290 align:middle line:84% to make sure you know that I'm now reading something 00:04:29.290 --> 00:04:33.460 align:middle line:84% that the main character is reading. 00:04:33.460 --> 00:04:35.770 align:middle line:84% So I'm just going to put my hands up. 00:04:35.770 --> 00:04:36.850 align:middle line:90% It's awkward. 00:04:36.850 --> 00:04:39.640 align:middle line:84% You wouldn't have this problem if you were reading 00:04:39.640 --> 00:04:41.560 align:middle line:90% the manuscript yourself. 00:04:41.560 --> 00:04:44.290 align:middle line:84% But I'll just do that to give you 00:04:44.290 --> 00:04:45.835 align:middle line:84% a clue that I'm going into something 00:04:45.835 --> 00:04:46.960 align:middle line:90% and coming out of it again. 00:04:46.960 --> 00:04:50.640 align:middle line:90% 00:04:50.640 --> 00:04:53.280 align:middle line:84% This is Ancient History, Chapter 1. 00:04:53.280 --> 00:04:56.300 align:middle line:90% 00:04:56.300 --> 00:04:59.030 align:middle line:84% "If you go into a public restroom with Grandma Casey, 00:04:59.030 --> 00:05:03.440 align:middle line:84% she swabs the toilet seat with tissue before she lets you sit. 00:05:03.440 --> 00:05:05.870 align:middle line:84% Dirty, she says to flesh-colored puddles 00:05:05.870 --> 00:05:07.640 align:middle line:90% beneath soap dispensers. 00:05:07.640 --> 00:05:10.100 align:middle line:90% Dirty to balled-up paper towels. 00:05:10.100 --> 00:05:13.250 align:middle line:84% The severity of her judgment, a calming thing, 00:05:13.250 --> 00:05:18.830 align:middle line:84% a reflection of her own and her companion's certain excellence. 00:05:18.830 --> 00:05:22.010 align:middle line:84% But alone in the ladies room of Ron's Standard and Super Car 00:05:22.010 --> 00:05:25.280 align:middle line:84% Wash, Audrey is too dizzy with excitement and fear 00:05:25.280 --> 00:05:27.560 align:middle line:84% to consider the canons of hygiene. 00:05:27.560 --> 00:05:29.480 align:middle line:90% Audrey vibrates. 00:05:29.480 --> 00:05:32.810 align:middle line:84% Maybe, she thinks, this is hyperventilating. 00:05:32.810 --> 00:05:35.000 align:middle line:90% Is this hyperventilating? 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:37.880 align:middle line:84% Audrey hugs to her chest a bright suitcase 00:05:37.880 --> 00:05:40.310 align:middle line:84% with red, white, and blue majorettes high-stepping 00:05:40.310 --> 00:05:42.230 align:middle line:90% across a silvery ground. 00:05:42.230 --> 00:05:44.120 align:middle line:84% She presses her fingers to her mouth 00:05:44.120 --> 00:05:46.190 align:middle line:84% to keep from laughing right out loud, 00:05:46.190 --> 00:05:48.350 align:middle line:84% not because she feels like laughing, 00:05:48.350 --> 00:05:50.510 align:middle line:84% but because she feels a little nuts. 00:05:50.510 --> 00:05:54.510 align:middle line:84% And her jaws chatter as if she's been in water too long. 00:05:54.510 --> 00:05:56.300 align:middle line:90% Nah, nah, they go. 00:05:56.300 --> 00:06:00.440 align:middle line:84% The dull noise she knows from passing jet airplanes and power 00:06:00.440 --> 00:06:03.760 align:middle line:90% saws groaning at a distance. 00:06:03.760 --> 00:06:10.630 align:middle line:84% Is her face in the restroom's smudged and speckled mirror 00:06:10.630 --> 00:06:11.710 align:middle line:90% guilty? 00:06:11.710 --> 00:06:14.170 align:middle line:84% Au contraire, my dear, Audrey concludes 00:06:14.170 --> 00:06:15.820 align:middle line:90% with a chest-twitching sigh. 00:06:15.820 --> 00:06:19.900 align:middle line:84% I appear, as always, incapable of offense, 00:06:19.900 --> 00:06:23.620 align:middle line:84% dull as dandelions, queen of the quotidian, 00:06:23.620 --> 00:06:27.740 align:middle line:84% a harmless shrimp; in fact, the only girl 00:06:27.740 --> 00:06:31.730 align:middle line:84% in the entire sixth grade except pathetic Rosie Shaver, 00:06:31.730 --> 00:06:36.280 align:middle line:84% totally without secondary sex characteristics. 00:06:36.280 --> 00:06:40.140 align:middle line:84% But perhaps, suddenly, miraculously, not so shrimpy, 00:06:40.140 --> 00:06:44.320 align:middle line:84% perhaps substantially, irrevocably taller? 00:06:44.320 --> 00:06:46.590 align:middle line:84% No, merely an effect of the roller 00:06:46.590 --> 00:06:49.380 align:middle line:84% skates on her feet, her excuse to escape 00:06:49.380 --> 00:06:51.690 align:middle line:90% the house this evening. 00:06:51.690 --> 00:06:54.570 align:middle line:84% Audrey flicks pale bangs back from her forehead, 00:06:54.570 --> 00:06:56.880 align:middle line:90% rubs hard at her bird-bone arms. 00:06:56.880 --> 00:06:57.840 align:middle line:90% Cold. 00:06:57.840 --> 00:07:00.600 align:middle line:84% Spring's warm night does not penetrate the ladies 00:07:00.600 --> 00:07:02.370 align:middle line:90% at Ron's Super Standard. 00:07:02.370 --> 00:07:06.300 align:middle line:84% Winter remains trapped in the blue-tiled restroom, guarded 00:07:06.300 --> 00:07:09.330 align:middle line:84% by a blip of the monster snow pile scraped 00:07:09.330 --> 00:07:11.940 align:middle line:84% to the back of the station lot all winter. 00:07:11.940 --> 00:07:16.170 align:middle line:84% Now it's ankle-high, lacy with melt and dirt, 00:07:16.170 --> 00:07:19.590 align:middle line:84% but ominous in new ways, barbed with the oak 00:07:19.590 --> 00:07:23.610 align:middle line:84% leaves and discarded chip packages, which stood up sharp 00:07:23.610 --> 00:07:28.500 align:middle line:84% as scalpels when Audrey skated by, 00:07:28.500 --> 00:07:30.990 align:middle line:84% slipped through the restroom's propped-open door. 00:07:30.990 --> 00:07:34.650 align:middle line:90% 00:07:34.650 --> 00:07:36.780 align:middle line:84% Is this the safest place she has ever been 00:07:36.780 --> 00:07:38.760 align:middle line:90% or the most dangerous? 00:07:38.760 --> 00:07:41.040 align:middle line:84% Are there spy holes in the filthy tile? 00:07:41.040 --> 00:07:43.350 align:middle line:90% Are there two-way mirrors? 00:07:43.350 --> 00:07:46.230 align:middle line:84% Breath held as if she's about to go underwater, 00:07:46.230 --> 00:07:48.750 align:middle line:84% Audrey crouches to examine the freckled wall 00:07:48.750 --> 00:07:52.380 align:middle line:84% beneath the counter housing the sink, peers 00:07:52.380 --> 00:07:55.410 align:middle line:84% into the doorless toilet compartment, 00:07:55.410 --> 00:07:58.830 align:middle line:84% startles there at her invasion of the creepy sorrow 00:07:58.830 --> 00:08:02.910 align:middle line:84% of a wet and dirty string mop propped against the wall. 00:08:02.910 --> 00:08:08.860 align:middle line:84% Old drunk, filthy cripple, aging Rastafarian mourner. 00:08:08.860 --> 00:08:10.960 align:middle line:90% Jesus, Audrey says. 00:08:10.960 --> 00:08:15.010 align:middle line:84% A new, dusty, adult sort of word, Jesus. 00:08:15.010 --> 00:08:19.120 align:middle line:90% A sneeze of profanity. 00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:22.180 align:middle line:84% The floor's burr of moist grit translates into tiny shivers, 00:08:22.180 --> 00:08:24.880 align:middle line:84% which travel through Audrey's roller skates and up her legs 00:08:24.880 --> 00:08:26.950 align:middle line:90% each time she moves. 00:08:26.950 --> 00:08:29.230 align:middle line:84% Gingerly, she hooks one skate-heavy foot 00:08:29.230 --> 00:08:31.990 align:middle line:84% behind the small, littered wastebasket next to the toilet 00:08:31.990 --> 00:08:34.880 align:middle line:84% and pulls the basket away from the wall. 00:08:34.880 --> 00:08:37.780 align:middle line:84% Use me, commands the embarrassing basket's 00:08:37.780 --> 00:08:39.250 align:middle line:90% embarrassing lid. 00:08:39.250 --> 00:08:42.730 align:middle line:84% But no holes lurk in the wall behind the basket, either, 00:08:42.730 --> 00:08:46.270 align:middle line:84% and Audrey toes the little bin back into place. 00:08:46.270 --> 00:08:49.300 align:middle line:84% She sets her suitcase on the counter, single dry area, 00:08:49.300 --> 00:08:52.780 align:middle line:84% so close to the muzzy mirror that only the majorettes' heads 00:08:52.780 --> 00:08:58.240 align:middle line:84% show, hats big as garbage pails, each girl red-lipped, 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:01.240 align:middle line:84% tiny upturned nose, frame of blond curls. 00:09:01.240 --> 00:09:03.460 align:middle line:84% Identical, though you could not say 00:09:03.460 --> 00:09:06.370 align:middle line:84% so for sure, the troop grows fainter, 00:09:06.370 --> 00:09:09.490 align:middle line:90% fades into a pretend distance. 00:09:09.490 --> 00:09:11.980 align:middle line:84% Audrey's own lips appear purple in the restroom 00:09:11.980 --> 00:09:14.920 align:middle line:84% mirror because she is warm-blooded. 00:09:14.920 --> 00:09:18.130 align:middle line:84% Right this very minute, the heat in her extremities 00:09:18.130 --> 00:09:22.750 align:middle line:84% rushes towards her core to protect her vital organs. 00:09:22.750 --> 00:09:25.450 align:middle line:84% Audrey knows this, and from her new science 00:09:25.450 --> 00:09:29.230 align:middle line:84% encyclopedia's convoluted, many-colored diagrams, 00:09:29.230 --> 00:09:32.020 align:middle line:84% knows how the chill air sends a ropey message 00:09:32.020 --> 00:09:33.550 align:middle line:90% to her spinal cord. 00:09:33.550 --> 00:09:36.580 align:middle line:84% Vessels close to her surfaces constrict. 00:09:36.580 --> 00:09:39.760 align:middle line:84% Plump-bottomed hairs stand on end. 00:09:39.760 --> 00:09:43.780 align:middle line:84% And finally, the news reaches that part of Audrey 00:09:43.780 --> 00:09:46.360 align:middle line:90% she thinks of as Audrey. 00:09:46.360 --> 00:09:48.850 align:middle line:90% Cold, it says. 00:09:48.850 --> 00:09:51.250 align:middle line:84% In the totally ignorant science book 00:09:51.250 --> 00:09:53.860 align:middle line:84% Audrey must use at Garfield Middle School, 00:09:53.860 --> 00:09:58.330 align:middle line:84% this process is carried out by tiny workers in saucepan hats 00:09:58.330 --> 00:10:01.030 align:middle line:84% and overalls, who alternately shovel 00:10:01.030 --> 00:10:05.080 align:middle line:84% coal or ice to the giant human being they inhabit. 00:10:05.080 --> 00:10:08.080 align:middle line:84% Audrey can appreciate the need for simple models. 00:10:08.080 --> 00:10:11.560 align:middle line:84% And too, she likes those little men, their cheerful ways 00:10:11.560 --> 00:10:13.120 align:middle line:90% and cherry cheeks. 00:10:13.120 --> 00:10:16.370 align:middle line:90% But as she told Mrs. Humphreys-- 00:10:16.370 --> 00:10:18.620 align:middle line:84% Audrey leans deep over the counter, 00:10:18.620 --> 00:10:21.110 align:middle line:84% pulls her lower lip forward, ruefully 00:10:21.110 --> 00:10:24.590 align:middle line:84% inspects its orchid interior in the restroom mirror. 00:10:24.590 --> 00:10:28.040 align:middle line:84% And then despite all these wonderful distractions, 00:10:28.040 --> 00:10:32.810 align:middle line:84% accidentally, she meets her eyes and cannot quite stop the awful 00:10:32.810 --> 00:10:37.790 align:middle line:84% sentence she has kept down all day from rising up bitter 00:10:37.790 --> 00:10:40.100 align:middle line:90% as heartburn. 00:10:40.100 --> 00:10:43.790 align:middle line:84% "Do you know about knitting needles," whispered Danny. 00:10:43.790 --> 00:10:48.390 align:middle line:84% That creepy, cryptic sentence kicks at Audrey's chest. 00:10:48.390 --> 00:10:50.960 align:middle line:84% Despite the weight of its quotation marks, 00:10:50.960 --> 00:10:56.240 align:middle line:84% its unfamiliar speaker, that stranger, Danny, the question 00:10:56.240 --> 00:10:58.760 align:middle line:84% fills her head with the insistent bang 00:10:58.760 --> 00:11:02.060 align:middle line:84% and bang and bang again of a box falling down 00:11:02.060 --> 00:11:04.760 align:middle line:90% a full flight of stairs. 00:11:04.760 --> 00:11:09.080 align:middle line:84% Do you know about knitting needles? whispered Danny. 00:11:09.080 --> 00:11:15.080 align:middle line:84% So Audrey breathes deep, guilty, not guilty, 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:16.820 align:middle line:90% on the side of right. 00:11:16.820 --> 00:11:21.020 align:middle line:84% So she borrowed, stole, rented, sort of checked out, 00:11:21.020 --> 00:11:24.200 align:middle line:84% maybe filched, or if you prefer, purloined, 00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:26.180 align:middle line:84% a stack of writing from the box which 00:11:26.180 --> 00:11:28.340 align:middle line:90% sat under her mother's desk. 00:11:28.340 --> 00:11:31.790 align:middle line:84% Indecorous, really, that battered box with the title 00:11:31.790 --> 00:11:33.710 align:middle line:90% scrawled across the lid. 00:11:33.710 --> 00:11:37.790 align:middle line:90% Visions, Revisions, Televisions. 00:11:37.790 --> 00:11:40.160 align:middle line:84% Almost out in plain sight, really, 00:11:40.160 --> 00:11:43.430 align:middle line:84% impersonal as a dead houseplant or a box 00:11:43.430 --> 00:11:49.110 align:middle line:84% for the Goodwill, almost not necessarily off limits. 00:11:49.110 --> 00:11:51.660 align:middle line:90% And look what her mother wrote. 00:11:51.660 --> 00:11:54.030 align:middle line:84% Do you know about knitting needles? 00:11:54.030 --> 00:11:56.430 align:middle line:90% whispered Danny. 00:11:56.430 --> 00:11:58.560 align:middle line:90% Audrey stands a little taller. 00:11:58.560 --> 00:12:00.330 align:middle line:90% She has done the right thing. 00:12:00.330 --> 00:12:02.220 align:middle line:84% Later, surely, everything will be fine 00:12:02.220 --> 00:12:04.300 align:middle line:84% because she has done the right thing. 00:12:04.300 --> 00:12:07.350 align:middle line:84% She and her mother will just laugh over this entire period 00:12:07.350 --> 00:12:08.040 align:middle line:90% in their lives. 00:12:08.040 --> 00:12:11.220 align:middle line:84% And she'll say, oh, Mother, while I was at Ron's Super 00:12:11.220 --> 00:12:14.010 align:middle line:84% Standard shivering and shaking and thinking of you 00:12:14.010 --> 00:12:16.140 align:middle line:84% and that crazy stuff you were writing, 00:12:16.140 --> 00:12:20.870 align:middle line:84% my lips acquired the most unfortunate grapey tinge. 00:12:20.870 --> 00:12:23.960 align:middle line:90% An unfortunate grapey tinge? 00:12:23.960 --> 00:12:26.930 align:middle line:84% Did Audrey's mother noticed that Audrey wore her big sister 00:12:26.930 --> 00:12:29.750 align:middle line:84% Natalie's new hot-tamale blush tonight? 00:12:29.750 --> 00:12:33.650 align:middle line:84% Blended with a tender cotton ball, the blush scarcely shows. 00:12:33.650 --> 00:12:40.220 align:middle line:84% But does it not offer Audrey's cheeks a certain radiance? 00:12:40.220 --> 00:12:43.460 align:middle line:84% Her mother should have noticed, and that Natalie 00:12:43.460 --> 00:12:46.670 align:middle line:84% wears too much hot-tamale blush, looks, 00:12:46.670 --> 00:12:50.180 align:middle line:84% in fact, perpetually embarrassed. 00:12:50.180 --> 00:12:53.030 align:middle line:84% Indeed, in Audrey's opinion, Natalie 00:12:53.030 --> 00:12:56.990 align:middle line:84% has forfeited entirely a sense of proportion for visibility 00:12:56.990 --> 00:12:58.880 align:middle line:90% at long distances. 00:12:58.880 --> 00:13:02.210 align:middle line:84% Sensible if you were a lighthouse, perhaps, but not so 00:13:02.210 --> 00:13:04.800 align:middle line:90% smart for human beings. 00:13:04.800 --> 00:13:05.760 align:middle line:90% Natalie. 00:13:05.760 --> 00:13:08.490 align:middle line:84% Last year, Audrey would have told Natalie about Visions, 00:13:08.490 --> 00:13:10.110 align:middle line:90% Revisions, Televisions. 00:13:10.110 --> 00:13:12.900 align:middle line:84% But tonight, when Natalie came into the bedroom, 00:13:12.900 --> 00:13:16.130 align:middle line:84% Audrey's heart fluttered and dipped. 00:13:16.130 --> 00:13:18.560 align:middle line:84% Don't tell me you're going to play Barbie dolls, 00:13:18.560 --> 00:13:21.860 align:middle line:84% Natalie said when she saw the majorette suitcase. 00:13:21.860 --> 00:13:23.510 align:middle line:90% Oh, droll, Audrey. 00:13:23.510 --> 00:13:25.910 align:middle line:90% Definitely droll. 00:13:25.910 --> 00:13:27.590 align:middle line:84% For one terrible moment, it seemed 00:13:27.590 --> 00:13:30.110 align:middle line:84% as if Natalie might try to look inside the case. 00:13:30.110 --> 00:13:33.410 align:middle line:84% But then, magically, she drifted towards the mirror, 00:13:33.410 --> 00:13:35.990 align:middle line:84% began to practice what Audrey calls the duck 00:13:35.990 --> 00:13:41.300 align:middle line:84% mouth, a pout favored by fashion models and certain movie stars 00:13:41.300 --> 00:13:45.470 align:middle line:84% and the glazed women in the middle of Playboy magazine, 00:13:45.470 --> 00:13:47.840 align:middle line:84% a pout so infuriating that Audrey forgot 00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:51.860 align:middle line:84% to be grateful for her sister's inattention and said, 00:13:51.860 --> 00:13:54.950 align:middle line:84% in case you didn't know it, Natalie, the way your lips 00:13:54.950 --> 00:13:57.890 align:middle line:84% look when you do that-- that's one of the characteristics 00:13:57.890 --> 00:13:59.090 align:middle line:90% of Down syndrome. 00:13:59.090 --> 00:14:01.760 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:14:01.760 --> 00:14:03.440 align:middle line:90% No reply. 00:14:03.440 --> 00:14:06.620 align:middle line:84% Quack, quack, Nat, said Audrey in some despair. 00:14:06.620 --> 00:14:08.250 align:middle line:90% Quack. 00:14:08.250 --> 00:14:11.870 align:middle line:84% Really, to let something so personal run around naked. 00:14:11.870 --> 00:14:13.640 align:middle line:84% A blind man could have put up his hand 00:14:13.640 --> 00:14:17.480 align:middle line:84% and read Natalie's vanity on the air like braille. 00:14:17.480 --> 00:14:21.020 align:middle line:84% And just last year, Natalie still had a brain. 00:14:21.020 --> 00:14:24.980 align:middle line:84% She played etymology with Audrey and Name That Tomb, 00:14:24.980 --> 00:14:28.760 align:middle line:84% a wonderful game Natalie herself invented in which one of them 00:14:28.760 --> 00:14:31.890 align:middle line:84% described a real or likely burial place, 00:14:31.890 --> 00:14:35.220 align:middle line:84% and the other tried to guess its owner. 00:14:35.220 --> 00:14:37.080 align:middle line:84% Tonight, hastily, as Audrey worked 00:14:37.080 --> 00:14:40.410 align:middle line:84% to align the top and bottom pieces of the flimsy suitcase 00:14:40.410 --> 00:14:43.350 align:middle line:84% and Natalie examined left profile, 00:14:43.350 --> 00:14:48.900 align:middle line:84% then right, Audrey invented: Natalie, this grand sepulcher 00:14:48.900 --> 00:14:52.890 align:middle line:84% was to have housed, as well as its intended inhabitant, 00:14:52.890 --> 00:14:54.390 align:middle line:90% a particular mirror. 00:14:54.390 --> 00:14:58.050 align:middle line:84% But Audrey fumbled with the suitcase lock, 00:14:58.050 --> 00:15:00.720 align:middle line:90% thin as fingernails, brittle. 00:15:00.720 --> 00:15:02.370 align:middle line:90% It would never hold. 00:15:02.370 --> 00:15:07.770 align:middle line:84% But, she continued, due to a change in circumstances, 00:15:07.770 --> 00:15:12.660 align:middle line:84% due to a change in circumstances beyond her control, she, 00:15:12.660 --> 00:15:16.440 align:middle line:84% the inhabitant-- she changed her mind. 00:15:16.440 --> 00:15:17.370 align:middle line:90% Are you talking to me? 00:15:17.370 --> 00:15:18.660 align:middle line:90% Natalie asked. 00:15:18.660 --> 00:15:20.730 align:middle line:90% Natalie, Audrey cried, come on! 00:15:20.730 --> 00:15:22.020 align:middle line:90% Name that tomb. 00:15:22.020 --> 00:15:24.930 align:middle line:84% And the answer was the stepmother of Snow White. 00:15:24.930 --> 00:15:27.940 align:middle line:84% It couldn't have been much easier. 00:15:27.940 --> 00:15:31.000 align:middle line:84% Then she skated heavily, wearily, across the hall 00:15:31.000 --> 00:15:33.040 align:middle line:90% into her mother's doorway. 00:15:33.040 --> 00:15:36.430 align:middle line:84% Her mother did not turn but continued her writing, hunched 00:15:36.430 --> 00:15:39.250 align:middle line:84% over her desk as if she bore a terrible weight 00:15:39.250 --> 00:15:40.840 align:middle line:90% high on her shoulders. 00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:43.540 align:middle line:84% Indeed, it did seem to Audrey, often, 00:15:43.540 --> 00:15:46.960 align:middle line:84% as if some other presence filled the little room, hid 00:15:46.960 --> 00:15:49.300 align:middle line:84% beneath the bed when she came near, 00:15:49.300 --> 00:15:52.090 align:middle line:84% perched on one of the shelves already crowded 00:15:52.090 --> 00:15:56.740 align:middle line:84% with her mother's considerable collection of flora and fauna, 00:15:56.740 --> 00:16:01.480 align:middle line:84% astronomical charts and biology books and funny things 00:16:01.480 --> 00:16:05.600 align:middle line:84% made by herself and Natalie when they were small. 00:16:05.600 --> 00:16:10.730 align:middle line:84% Visions, Revisions, Televisions sat beside her mother's feet. 00:16:10.730 --> 00:16:14.930 align:middle line:84% Audrey imagined a word problem including math and indictment. 00:16:14.930 --> 00:16:17.600 align:middle line:84% If the box weighed 2 pounds before the girl stole 00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:20.240 align:middle line:84% a part of its contents, and the girl's suitcase 00:16:20.240 --> 00:16:24.230 align:middle line:84% now weighs 4 ounces more than it did prior to her thievery, 00:16:24.230 --> 00:16:27.650 align:middle line:90% how much does the box weigh now? 00:16:27.650 --> 00:16:30.470 align:middle line:84% She shut her eyes and sniffed the tangy air. 00:16:30.470 --> 00:16:33.410 align:middle line:84% Spring's pollens and the room's exotic particles 00:16:33.410 --> 00:16:37.070 align:middle line:84% of dust and decay instantly coated the delicate lining 00:16:37.070 --> 00:16:38.420 align:middle line:90% of her nose. 00:16:38.420 --> 00:16:40.190 align:middle line:90% Ah-choo. 00:16:40.190 --> 00:16:42.740 align:middle line:84% Her mother stopped her writing then, yes. 00:16:42.740 --> 00:16:44.540 align:middle line:90% She laid down her pencil, yes. 00:16:44.540 --> 00:16:46.430 align:middle line:84% She even put her hands in her lap 00:16:46.430 --> 00:16:49.310 align:middle line:90% and said, God bless you, Audrey. 00:16:49.310 --> 00:16:51.440 align:middle line:84% But ideas continued to float over 00:16:51.440 --> 00:16:55.850 align:middle line:84% her pale face, terrible, visible, jerky as boats 00:16:55.850 --> 00:16:59.210 align:middle line:90% tied to a dock on a windy day. 00:16:59.210 --> 00:17:01.220 align:middle line:84% You want to skate to Trina Alberhasky's? 00:17:01.220 --> 00:17:02.870 align:middle line:90% Her mother repeated. 00:17:02.870 --> 00:17:04.880 align:middle line:84% When she shifted, her great head of hair 00:17:04.880 --> 00:17:07.040 align:middle line:90% moved, too, like a tent. 00:17:07.040 --> 00:17:09.050 align:middle line:84% Ever since Audrey could remember, 00:17:09.050 --> 00:17:12.079 align:middle line:84% her mother had worn her hair coiled and braided 00:17:12.079 --> 00:17:14.780 align:middle line:84% into a kind of elaborate, rusty basket. 00:17:14.780 --> 00:17:18.349 align:middle line:84% But lately, after work, up in her room, 00:17:18.349 --> 00:17:21.920 align:middle line:84% she brushed it out, wore it down, wild, a burning 00:17:21.920 --> 00:17:25.010 align:middle line:90% bush of preposterous dimension. 00:17:25.010 --> 00:17:28.280 align:middle line:84% And she looked gaunt, too, didn't she? 00:17:28.280 --> 00:17:30.830 align:middle line:84% Like one of those fairy-tale queens forced 00:17:30.830 --> 00:17:34.460 align:middle line:84% into the wilderness when a mere princess; nights hiding 00:17:34.460 --> 00:17:37.010 align:middle line:84% from wolves, survival on nuts and berries 00:17:37.010 --> 00:17:39.170 align:middle line:90% have given her a haunted look. 00:17:39.170 --> 00:17:41.450 align:middle line:84% She might as well have leaves or twigs stuck 00:17:41.450 --> 00:17:43.940 align:middle line:90% in all that hysterical hair. 00:17:43.940 --> 00:17:46.970 align:middle line:84% She might as well have her skin stained with walnuts 00:17:46.970 --> 00:17:50.450 align:middle line:84% and wear rags and be accompanied by a cast of gentle deer 00:17:50.450 --> 00:17:52.640 align:middle line:90% and rabbits. 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.330 align:middle line:84% What if her mother said, let's see what's in the suitcase, 00:17:56.330 --> 00:17:58.100 align:middle line:90% Audrey? 00:17:58.100 --> 00:18:00.230 align:middle line:90% I am guilty, Audrey thought. 00:18:00.230 --> 00:18:01.910 align:middle line:90% But bitter, too. 00:18:01.910 --> 00:18:05.510 align:middle line:84% Bitter, guilty, heartsick, bereft. 00:18:05.510 --> 00:18:08.600 align:middle line:84% She continued this list of depressing adjectives 00:18:08.600 --> 00:18:11.750 align:middle line:84% while she stuck her hand into an aquarium butted up 00:18:11.750 --> 00:18:14.570 align:middle line:84% against a basket of shed snake skins, 00:18:14.570 --> 00:18:19.040 align:middle line:84% a box of pine cone, a jar containing a tiny stillborn 00:18:19.040 --> 00:18:20.990 align:middle line:90% pig. 00:18:20.990 --> 00:18:24.350 align:middle line:84% The cayman within the aquarium lifted its head. 00:18:24.350 --> 00:18:27.650 align:middle line:84% Audrey ran her finger down its spine. 00:18:27.650 --> 00:18:29.930 align:middle line:90% Hi, Lolita, she said. 00:18:29.930 --> 00:18:32.150 align:middle line:84% Audrey's mother smiled, a process 00:18:32.150 --> 00:18:34.520 align:middle line:84% which transformed her face, gave it 00:18:34.520 --> 00:18:37.670 align:middle line:84% the weird proportions common to certain handsome outlaw 00:18:37.670 --> 00:18:38.540 align:middle line:90% animals-- 00:18:38.540 --> 00:18:42.170 align:middle line:90% bobcat, blue jay, fox. 00:18:42.170 --> 00:18:44.810 align:middle line:84% Audrey wanted nothing to do with that smile, 00:18:44.810 --> 00:18:46.220 align:middle line:90% thank you very kindly. 00:18:46.220 --> 00:18:48.590 align:middle line:84% She wanted to shake her mother by the shoulders, 00:18:48.590 --> 00:18:50.840 align:middle line:84% tell her to straighten up and now, 00:18:50.840 --> 00:18:54.140 align:middle line:84% the way Audrey's dad did when she or Natalie did something 00:18:54.140 --> 00:18:56.350 align:middle line:90% he did not like. 00:18:56.350 --> 00:18:58.600 align:middle line:84% Audrey knew why her mother smiled, 00:18:58.600 --> 00:19:01.060 align:middle line:84% because of the majorette suitcase, 00:19:01.060 --> 00:19:03.790 align:middle line:84% because she thought Audrey was going to play dolls. 00:19:03.790 --> 00:19:04.660 align:middle line:90% Oh, how nice. 00:19:04.660 --> 00:19:07.330 align:middle line:84% A nice pastime for young girls, dolls. 00:19:07.330 --> 00:19:11.037 align:middle line:90% 00:19:11.037 --> 00:19:13.370 align:middle line:84% Though this was exactly what Audrey meant for her mother 00:19:13.370 --> 00:19:15.680 align:middle line:84% to believe, she resented the fact 00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:18.740 align:middle line:84% that her mother did not understand that no one in sixth 00:19:18.740 --> 00:19:20.720 align:middle line:90% played dolls anymore. 00:19:20.720 --> 00:19:24.620 align:middle line:84% No, her mother just smiled that heartbreaking smile and bit 00:19:24.620 --> 00:19:28.160 align:middle line:84% a little deeper into the red cuticle around her thumb. 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:31.250 align:middle line:84% And heavy-hearted Audrey offered her, in return, 00:19:31.250 --> 00:19:34.910 align:middle line:84% a smile she meant to be remedial, also 00:19:34.910 --> 00:19:39.050 align:middle line:90% nutritious, yeasty, fortifying. 00:19:39.050 --> 00:19:43.760 align:middle line:84% So her mother leaned back in her chair, an old office thing 00:19:43.760 --> 00:19:45.470 align:middle line:84% from Grandma and Grandpa Casey's, 00:19:45.470 --> 00:19:49.220 align:middle line:84% which tipped precariously, as always, and yet seemed 00:19:49.220 --> 00:19:53.150 align:middle line:84% to take her mother by surprise, as always. 00:19:53.150 --> 00:19:53.900 align:middle line:90% Help! 00:19:53.900 --> 00:19:55.100 align:middle line:90% Yelped her mother. 00:19:55.100 --> 00:19:59.300 align:middle line:84% And both of them scrambled, her mother's legs thrashing air 00:19:59.300 --> 00:20:02.030 align:middle line:90% to keep the chair from toppling. 00:20:02.030 --> 00:20:06.710 align:middle line:84% Whew, her mother said, and then, thanks, Audrey. 00:20:06.710 --> 00:20:08.930 align:middle line:84% Her cheeks bore twin pink rectangles 00:20:08.930 --> 00:20:11.720 align:middle line:84% from the little scare, the silliness. 00:20:11.720 --> 00:20:15.050 align:middle line:84% Audrey stole a look over the flame of her mother's hair. 00:20:15.050 --> 00:20:17.240 align:middle line:84% A page of writing lay on the desk. 00:20:17.240 --> 00:20:21.260 align:middle line:84% But erasure and revision at the hot hands of her mother 00:20:21.260 --> 00:20:26.510 align:middle line:84% had turned the paper into the landscape of a forest destroyed 00:20:26.510 --> 00:20:32.180 align:middle line:90% by fire, ashes, blackened logs. 00:20:32.180 --> 00:20:33.170 align:middle line:90% Ka-rang. 00:20:33.170 --> 00:20:36.830 align:middle line:84% A terrible noise crashes through the gas-station restroom. 00:20:36.830 --> 00:20:40.160 align:middle line:84% Even when Audrey recognizes the source of the sound-- 00:20:40.160 --> 00:20:46.050 align:middle line:84% dropped auto part or tools-- she thinks, sick with fear, 00:20:46.050 --> 00:20:47.300 align:middle line:90% perhaps I will faint. 00:20:47.300 --> 00:20:48.740 align:middle line:90% Let me faint. 00:20:48.740 --> 00:20:52.280 align:middle line:84% A great goose egg on the back of the head or a blackened eye-- 00:20:52.280 --> 00:20:54.950 align:middle line:84% these would necessitate explanation. 00:20:54.950 --> 00:20:59.240 align:middle line:84% Bad enough, they would perhaps excuse her thievery entirely. 00:20:59.240 --> 00:21:02.240 align:middle line:84% Her mother would realize the error of her ways 00:21:02.240 --> 00:21:06.740 align:middle line:84% and knock it off, and the world would be set right again. 00:21:06.740 --> 00:21:10.100 align:middle line:84% Audrey clutches at the counter, but the need has already 00:21:10.100 --> 00:21:13.370 align:middle line:84% passed; the dizziness, a brush with a stranger, 00:21:13.370 --> 00:21:16.940 align:middle line:84% gone with a stranger's hurry and chagrin. 00:21:16.940 --> 00:21:20.630 align:middle line:90% So, so. 00:21:20.630 --> 00:21:23.330 align:middle line:84% She beats a nervous tattoo on the suitcase, 00:21:23.330 --> 00:21:28.130 align:middle line:84% looks away from it, blows into her bangs with spouted breath. 00:21:28.130 --> 00:21:29.360 align:middle line:90% Phew. 00:21:29.360 --> 00:21:31.610 align:middle line:84% That's what Nancy Drew always says when 00:21:31.610 --> 00:21:33.710 align:middle line:90% she needs to blow off steam. 00:21:33.710 --> 00:21:36.920 align:middle line:84% Carolyn Keene tells you, phew, says 00:21:36.920 --> 00:21:41.780 align:middle line:84% the attractive blue-eyed blond, friendly blue-eyed teen, 00:21:41.780 --> 00:21:44.440 align:middle line:90% Titian-haired girl detective. 00:21:44.440 --> 00:21:46.640 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:21:46.640 --> 00:21:49.790 align:middle line:90% Visions, Revisions, Televisions. 00:21:49.790 --> 00:21:53.480 align:middle line:84% Audrey's mother's idea of a joke, no doubt. 00:21:53.480 --> 00:21:57.170 align:middle line:84% The box was full of writing, writing on blue-lined notebook 00:21:57.170 --> 00:22:00.560 align:middle line:84% paper and typing paper and the backs of information requests 00:22:00.560 --> 00:22:02.930 align:middle line:84% from her job at the library, scraps 00:22:02.930 --> 00:22:05.780 align:middle line:84% of writing on cocktail napkins and airline tickets 00:22:05.780 --> 00:22:09.050 align:middle line:84% and even on a corner of a Cheerio box. 00:22:09.050 --> 00:22:13.010 align:middle line:84% In one crosshatched paragraph, purple martins 00:22:13.010 --> 00:22:16.070 align:middle line:84% swooped through a summer night's still pale sky 00:22:16.070 --> 00:22:20.370 align:middle line:84% and into the ink gathered beneath apple trees. 00:22:20.370 --> 00:22:23.580 align:middle line:84% Her mother had written on a flyleaf torn from Middlemarch 00:22:23.580 --> 00:22:25.410 align:middle line:90% two quirky questions. 00:22:25.410 --> 00:22:29.640 align:middle line:84% Relationship between making love and the Japanese tea ceremony? 00:22:29.640 --> 00:22:32.790 align:middle line:90% Contemplation of the physical? 00:22:32.790 --> 00:22:34.560 align:middle line:84% There were longer pieces of writing, 00:22:34.560 --> 00:22:37.470 align:middle line:84% too, one in which a father bounced his daughter 00:22:37.470 --> 00:22:42.150 align:middle line:84% off the wall with, quote, "the satisfaction of an athlete too 00:22:42.150 --> 00:22:46.680 align:middle line:84% long confined by bad weather," unquote, 00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:49.140 align:middle line:84% another, also unfinished, in which 00:22:49.140 --> 00:22:51.930 align:middle line:84% a college girl with impacted wisdom teeth 00:22:51.930 --> 00:22:54.900 align:middle line:84% lay on the floor of her parents' fancy home 00:22:54.900 --> 00:22:57.600 align:middle line:84% and tried to send a perfectly terrible person 00:22:57.600 --> 00:22:59.400 align:middle line:90% a mental message. 00:22:59.400 --> 00:23:00.870 align:middle line:90% "I still love you. 00:23:00.870 --> 00:23:03.510 align:middle line:84% I will always love you," while he 00:23:03.510 --> 00:23:05.760 align:middle line:84% rambled on about a counting dog he 00:23:05.760 --> 00:23:09.120 align:middle line:90% had seen on The Tonight Show. 00:23:09.120 --> 00:23:12.780 align:middle line:84% Had the box not contained a few magazine articles and brochures 00:23:12.780 --> 00:23:18.090 align:middle line:84% ironed crisp by long residency, information on voodoo, 00:23:18.090 --> 00:23:21.600 align:middle line:84% on polar exploration, a list of wildflowers 00:23:21.600 --> 00:23:26.130 align:middle line:84% of the upper Midwest, a recipe for chicken tandoori, 00:23:26.130 --> 00:23:29.610 align:middle line:84% Audrey would scarcely have believed that the box belonged 00:23:29.610 --> 00:23:30.675 align:middle line:90% to her mother at all. 00:23:30.675 --> 00:23:34.190 align:middle line:90% 00:23:34.190 --> 00:23:36.870 align:middle line:90% Visions, Revisions, Televisions. 00:23:36.870 --> 00:23:39.720 align:middle line:84% Even before she opened the lid, Audrey 00:23:39.720 --> 00:23:42.510 align:middle line:84% knew it was the letter you hoped would never arrive, 00:23:42.510 --> 00:23:46.050 align:middle line:84% the mattress smoldering while the dumb family slept, 00:23:46.050 --> 00:23:50.250 align:middle line:84% the inherited disease about to blossom in stub arms 00:23:50.250 --> 00:23:52.650 align:middle line:84% and blindness and hearts which sway 00:23:52.650 --> 00:23:55.740 align:middle line:90% outside the walls of the chest. 00:23:55.740 --> 00:23:57.560 align:middle line:84% Do you know about knitting needles? 00:23:57.560 --> 00:23:59.810 align:middle line:90% whispered Danny. 00:23:59.810 --> 00:24:01.790 align:middle line:84% Audrey could barely contain herself tonight 00:24:01.790 --> 00:24:03.980 align:middle line:84% when her mother smiled at the suitcase and said, 00:24:03.980 --> 00:24:06.515 align:middle line:84% be back before dark, sweetie, and then teasing, 00:24:06.515 --> 00:24:08.270 align:middle line:90% you know dark, right, Aud? 00:24:08.270 --> 00:24:10.970 align:middle line:84% That's when the cones in your eyes quit doing business, 00:24:10.970 --> 00:24:14.150 align:middle line:90% and your rods have to take over. 00:24:14.150 --> 00:24:16.010 align:middle line:90% Audrey loves her mother dearly. 00:24:16.010 --> 00:24:18.350 align:middle line:84% The thought of her mother makes Audrey lean up 00:24:18.350 --> 00:24:21.140 align:middle line:84% against the little restroom's cold tiled walls 00:24:21.140 --> 00:24:23.390 align:middle line:90% and almost weep. 00:24:23.390 --> 00:24:25.970 align:middle line:84% But that cone business felt like a ruse, 00:24:25.970 --> 00:24:29.840 align:middle line:84% her mother pretending everything was absolutely normal. 00:24:29.840 --> 00:24:33.560 align:middle line:84% That cone business resembled one of the factual tidbits 00:24:33.560 --> 00:24:36.860 align:middle line:84% her mother used to dispense throughout ordinary days, 00:24:36.860 --> 00:24:40.100 align:middle line:84% bright-eyed as if she might break into tears, really. 00:24:40.100 --> 00:24:41.660 align:middle line:84% Her mother would lay down her fork 00:24:41.660 --> 00:24:43.790 align:middle line:84% at dinner to deliver the happy news, 00:24:43.790 --> 00:24:46.760 align:middle line:84% that the Roman legions preferred-- yes, girls, 00:24:46.760 --> 00:24:49.220 align:middle line:84% preferred-- grain rations to meat. 00:24:49.220 --> 00:24:52.370 align:middle line:84% Or, breathlessly, she might pop her head 00:24:52.370 --> 00:24:55.250 align:middle line:84% into the bathroom to tell showering Audrey 00:24:55.250 --> 00:24:58.790 align:middle line:84% a current speculation that the structure of the universe 00:24:58.790 --> 00:25:02.930 align:middle line:84% just might be that of a giant sponge. 00:25:02.930 --> 00:25:05.210 align:middle line:84% Audrey twists one hand with the other, 00:25:05.210 --> 00:25:07.640 align:middle line:84% watches the restroom mirror catalog 00:25:07.640 --> 00:25:10.950 align:middle line:90% her despair and anger, too. 00:25:10.950 --> 00:25:13.980 align:middle line:84% Out by the gasoline pumps, bells signal 00:25:13.980 --> 00:25:15.990 align:middle line:90% the arrival of a customer. 00:25:15.990 --> 00:25:19.920 align:middle line:84% Audrey moves close to the door, tests the lock. 00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:22.140 align:middle line:84% Perhaps she should sit on the toilet, 00:25:22.140 --> 00:25:26.850 align:middle line:84% for authenticity's sake, in case someone should find her here. 00:25:26.850 --> 00:25:29.790 align:middle line:84% She pulls down her shorts, which hang loose about her waist, 00:25:29.790 --> 00:25:31.320 align:middle line:90% long as a skirt. 00:25:31.320 --> 00:25:32.850 align:middle line:90% Her father sent them. 00:25:32.850 --> 00:25:34.800 align:middle line:90% Girls size 10. 00:25:34.800 --> 00:25:36.870 align:middle line:84% Are they meant to encourage her thyroid 00:25:36.870 --> 00:25:41.470 align:middle line:84% and pituitary press on, oh slaves of growth? 00:25:41.470 --> 00:25:45.220 align:middle line:84% Hoping for the same miracle, Audrey has worn the shorts 00:25:45.220 --> 00:25:47.470 align:middle line:84% every day for the last eight days, 00:25:47.470 --> 00:25:50.770 align:middle line:84% washing them out by hand each night so her mother cannot 00:25:50.770 --> 00:25:55.540 align:middle line:84% complain of dirt, if she should happen to notice. 00:25:55.540 --> 00:25:58.120 align:middle line:84% She probably has not even noticed. 00:25:58.120 --> 00:26:01.150 align:middle line:84% Better pull down the underpants, too. 00:26:01.150 --> 00:26:04.840 align:middle line:84% To Audrey's surprise, she pees, just as if she meant to. 00:26:04.840 --> 00:26:07.330 align:middle line:90% You sit on the toilet, you pee. 00:26:07.330 --> 00:26:09.310 align:middle line:84% Once, when she and Natalie and her mother 00:26:09.310 --> 00:26:11.260 align:middle line:84% did charcoal drawings during the period 00:26:11.260 --> 00:26:13.570 align:middle line:90% her mother called family hour-- 00:26:13.570 --> 00:26:16.210 align:middle line:84% hyperbolically, according to Natalie-- 00:26:16.210 --> 00:26:18.730 align:middle line:84% once, during family hour, their mother 00:26:18.730 --> 00:26:21.460 align:middle line:84% got up to go to the bathroom, and Audrey and Natalie 00:26:21.460 --> 00:26:23.890 align:middle line:84% started to debate whether they could just sit there 00:26:23.890 --> 00:26:25.960 align:middle line:90% at the table and just pee. 00:26:25.960 --> 00:26:28.270 align:middle line:90% And Audrey said, no way. 00:26:28.270 --> 00:26:31.780 align:middle line:84% And Natalie said-- for this was last year when she remained 00:26:31.780 --> 00:26:32.380 align:middle line:90% fun-- 00:26:32.380 --> 00:26:36.430 align:middle line:84% confidential, if you clean it up, Aud, I'll do it. 00:26:36.430 --> 00:26:37.540 align:middle line:90% And she did. 00:26:37.540 --> 00:26:40.750 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:26:40.750 --> 00:26:43.120 align:middle line:84% That showed force of character, but I'm not 00:26:43.120 --> 00:26:46.510 align:middle line:84% sure which of you came out ahead, said their mother when 00:26:46.510 --> 00:26:50.260 align:middle line:84% she returned that evening to find Audrey rolling 00:26:50.260 --> 00:26:53.020 align:middle line:84% hysterical on the floor and Natalie 00:26:53.020 --> 00:26:57.070 align:middle line:90% prancing in wet blue jeans. 00:26:57.070 --> 00:27:01.230 align:middle line:84% A fluff of the tiniest possible wedding dress, minuscule pearls 00:27:01.230 --> 00:27:04.320 align:middle line:84% sewn to a butterfly wing of bodice, 00:27:04.320 --> 00:27:07.290 align:middle line:84% a fully-lined sports jacket no longer 00:27:07.290 --> 00:27:11.010 align:middle line:84% than Audrey's middle finger, ice-skating skirt the size 00:27:11.010 --> 00:27:12.910 align:middle line:90% of a cocktail umbrella. 00:27:12.910 --> 00:27:15.300 align:middle line:84% These press forward when Audrey undoes 00:27:15.300 --> 00:27:17.190 align:middle line:90% the clasp on the suitcase. 00:27:17.190 --> 00:27:18.870 align:middle line:90% She reaches beneath them. 00:27:18.870 --> 00:27:23.040 align:middle line:84% Her fingers bump the stiff limbs of Ken and Barbie. 00:27:23.040 --> 00:27:25.290 align:middle line:90% She extracts a sheaf of paper-- 00:27:25.290 --> 00:27:28.830 align:middle line:84% reads, do you know about knitting needles? whispered 00:27:28.830 --> 00:27:30.450 align:middle line:90% Danny-- 00:27:30.450 --> 00:27:34.080 align:middle line:84% then looks away from the familiar scrip, the stuff which 00:27:34.080 --> 00:27:37.170 align:middle line:84% has composed her excuses for trips to the dentist 00:27:37.170 --> 00:27:39.810 align:middle line:84% and permission for scout activities, 00:27:39.810 --> 00:27:44.280 align:middle line:84% written her birthday cards and X's and O's across the bottoms 00:27:44.280 --> 00:27:46.660 align:middle line:90% of letters. 00:27:46.660 --> 00:27:51.260 align:middle line:84% The manuscript sits cool as water beneath Audrey's fingers. 00:27:51.260 --> 00:27:53.690 align:middle line:84% Put it right back in the suitcase. 00:27:53.690 --> 00:27:55.850 align:middle line:84% Skate right to Trina Alberhasky's. 00:27:55.850 --> 00:27:58.640 align:middle line:84% Drink RC Cola and eat potato chips 00:27:58.640 --> 00:28:01.100 align:middle line:84% and talk like you're 12 and loving it and say, 00:28:01.100 --> 00:28:05.060 align:middle line:84% casually, Jesus, Trina, did your mom just act totally spaced 00:28:05.060 --> 00:28:06.530 align:middle line:90% lately? 00:28:06.530 --> 00:28:09.110 align:middle line:90% But this is not Audrey's nature. 00:28:09.110 --> 00:28:12.440 align:middle line:84% I am weak, she concludes, and prays the one line 00:28:12.440 --> 00:28:15.410 align:middle line:84% to a prayer learned at Grandma Casey's church with which she 00:28:15.410 --> 00:28:17.250 align:middle line:90% has no argument. 00:28:17.250 --> 00:28:19.250 align:middle line:84% I have followed too much the devices 00:28:19.250 --> 00:28:23.780 align:middle line:84% and desires of my own heart, and there is no helping me. 00:28:23.780 --> 00:28:25.590 align:middle line:90% I am blanc-mange. 00:28:25.590 --> 00:28:30.620 align:middle line:84% Worse, I am an oyster, a cold, rank piece of slime, 00:28:30.620 --> 00:28:33.440 align:middle line:90% deceitful, a thief. 00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:38.490 align:middle line:84% One eye squinted, she looks down again. 00:28:38.490 --> 00:28:41.640 align:middle line:84% Do you know about knitting needles? whispered Danny. 00:28:41.640 --> 00:28:43.170 align:middle line:90% I looked away. 00:28:43.170 --> 00:28:46.410 align:middle line:84% The hall was dark and cool, and I knew it 00:28:46.410 --> 00:28:49.560 align:middle line:90% as well as I knew anything. 00:28:49.560 --> 00:28:52.020 align:middle line:84% In the big, gilded mirror at its far end, 00:28:52.020 --> 00:28:54.390 align:middle line:84% which I never looked at when alone, we 00:28:54.390 --> 00:28:59.220 align:middle line:84% were ghosts of ourselves, silver, a handsome and drunk 00:28:59.220 --> 00:29:03.030 align:middle line:84% young man kneeling before a girl in white. 00:29:03.030 --> 00:29:06.840 align:middle line:84% I stroked Danny's hair, gray in the shimmer of the moon, 00:29:06.840 --> 00:29:10.920 align:middle line:84% and stared at the wallpaper, a respectable fleur-de-lis 00:29:10.920 --> 00:29:15.630 align:middle line:84% in daylight, a perfect match to the settee's green. 00:29:15.630 --> 00:29:18.390 align:middle line:84% This was not a successful distraction. 00:29:18.390 --> 00:29:20.820 align:middle line:84% My love shrieked like a buzz saw. 00:29:20.820 --> 00:29:24.330 align:middle line:84% And what Danny did not hear, I heard double. 00:29:24.330 --> 00:29:25.710 align:middle line:90% Echoes. 00:29:25.710 --> 00:29:28.980 align:middle line:84% You take a knitting needle, whispered Danny. 00:29:28.980 --> 00:29:30.030 align:middle line:90% I laughed. 00:29:30.030 --> 00:29:33.210 align:middle line:84% The back of my head ached as if I'd fallen on my skates 00:29:33.210 --> 00:29:38.010 align:middle line:84% like the old days, breath knocked far, far above me. 00:29:38.010 --> 00:29:41.730 align:middle line:84% I must have heard somewhere stories about knitting needles, 00:29:41.730 --> 00:29:44.070 align:middle line:90% stories dark as blood. 00:29:44.070 --> 00:29:46.680 align:middle line:84% I knew, as soon as Danny said the words-- 00:29:46.680 --> 00:29:49.980 align:middle line:84% before he said them-- what he meant to tell me to do. 00:29:49.980 --> 00:29:53.850 align:middle line:84% I pressed my hands over his lovely mouth, his lips 00:29:53.850 --> 00:29:56.280 align:middle line:90% with their silvery pallor. 00:29:56.280 --> 00:30:02.470 align:middle line:84% I thought, please, please don't say anything else. 00:30:02.470 --> 00:30:04.270 align:middle line:90% Your hands, Danny said. 00:30:04.270 --> 00:30:05.500 align:middle line:90% He kissed my hands. 00:30:05.500 --> 00:30:07.030 align:middle line:90% Please don't laugh, Niely. 00:30:07.030 --> 00:30:10.690 align:middle line:84% You have the most beautiful hands in the world. 00:30:10.690 --> 00:30:14.530 align:middle line:84% I pulled those hands away, not because I wanted to deny him. 00:30:14.530 --> 00:30:18.760 align:middle line:84% No, I did it from shame, that he imagined me so simple, 00:30:18.760 --> 00:30:22.630 align:middle line:84% a compliment might make his instructions palatable. 00:30:22.630 --> 00:30:25.720 align:middle line:84% When Danny spoke again, he kept his head down. 00:30:25.720 --> 00:30:29.560 align:middle line:84% First, you take as cold a bath as possible, he said. 00:30:29.560 --> 00:30:32.260 align:middle line:90% Ice cold. 00:30:32.260 --> 00:30:34.450 align:middle line:90% I looked over his bowed head. 00:30:34.450 --> 00:30:36.460 align:middle line:90% I tried to breathe. 00:30:36.460 --> 00:30:38.380 align:middle line:84% I thought of how whenever I came down 00:30:38.380 --> 00:30:42.220 align:middle line:84% the front-hall stairs over there, I'd jump from step four, 00:30:42.220 --> 00:30:45.640 align:middle line:84% landed hard near the dresser where Mother kept her purses: 00:30:45.640 --> 00:30:49.480 align:middle line:84% snake, lizard, rarely used, cracks in the skins, 00:30:49.480 --> 00:30:50.770 align:middle line:90% gray with dust. 00:30:50.770 --> 00:30:54.550 align:middle line:84% I jumped because I swore never, never to be old and slow 00:30:54.550 --> 00:30:57.310 align:middle line:90% and beaten by life. 00:30:57.310 --> 00:31:01.480 align:middle line:84% But we've never actually done it, I whispered to Danny. 00:31:01.480 --> 00:31:04.420 align:middle line:84% Had we done it, and I didn't know? 00:31:04.420 --> 00:31:07.840 align:middle line:84% Amidst all that furious bumping, a mistake 00:31:07.840 --> 00:31:10.450 align:middle line:84% by the insistent little blind man 00:31:10.450 --> 00:31:14.620 align:middle line:84% glimpsed just once when Danny pushed it close to my face, 00:31:14.620 --> 00:31:17.650 align:middle line:90% frightened me. 00:31:17.650 --> 00:31:20.680 align:middle line:84% Cheeks burning, Audrey looks down at her feet. 00:31:20.680 --> 00:31:23.860 align:middle line:84% She has fallen on her skates before, too, her breath 00:31:23.860 --> 00:31:27.970 align:middle line:84% knocked out of her, chest ringing with clear, cold, pain. 00:31:27.970 --> 00:31:29.275 align:middle line:90% She knows that. 00:31:29.275 --> 00:31:33.940 align:middle line:84% That is called identification with the narrator, or empathy. 00:31:33.940 --> 00:31:37.060 align:middle line:84% But unfortunately, she also knows the green settee 00:31:37.060 --> 00:31:40.390 align:middle line:84% which sits in the front hall at Grandma and Grandpa Casey's 00:31:40.390 --> 00:31:43.480 align:middle line:90% house, and the wallpaper, too. 00:31:43.480 --> 00:31:46.000 align:middle line:84% Grandma Casey came up from her basement in triumph 00:31:46.000 --> 00:31:46.600 align:middle line:90% when visiting. 00:31:46.600 --> 00:31:50.530 align:middle line:84% Audrey worked on her France report for talented and gifted. 00:31:50.530 --> 00:31:54.070 align:middle line:84% Fleur-de-lis, Grandma said, waving a long curl 00:31:54.070 --> 00:31:55.630 align:middle line:90% of the green-and-white paper. 00:31:55.630 --> 00:31:59.950 align:middle line:84% The perfect thing for your report's cover, Audrey. 00:31:59.950 --> 00:32:03.580 align:middle line:84% Audrey rolls her skates across the moist and gritty floor 00:32:03.580 --> 00:32:04.870 align:middle line:90% back and forth. 00:32:04.870 --> 00:32:08.470 align:middle line:84% Do it long enough, she thinks, and the wheels will wear down 00:32:08.470 --> 00:32:11.130 align:middle line:90% to the bite of the metal rims. 00:32:11.130 --> 00:32:15.750 align:middle line:84% She reads, music of tropical steel bands 00:32:15.750 --> 00:32:18.390 align:middle line:84% vibrated within my parents' cochleas. 00:32:18.390 --> 00:32:21.840 align:middle line:84% They were too far away to help or hurt me now. 00:32:21.840 --> 00:32:24.360 align:middle line:84% Still, Danny whispered when he said, 00:32:24.360 --> 00:32:27.210 align:middle line:84% something might have gone through your panties, baby. 00:32:27.210 --> 00:32:29.850 align:middle line:90% We have to consider. 00:32:29.850 --> 00:32:32.100 align:middle line:84% He pressed me against the settee. 00:32:32.100 --> 00:32:35.400 align:middle line:84% He moved his hand beneath my bra and whispered things 00:32:35.400 --> 00:32:38.415 align:middle line:84% less beautiful than I would have liked him to whisper. 00:32:38.415 --> 00:32:41.020 align:middle line:90% 00:32:41.020 --> 00:32:46.000 align:middle line:84% He did not understand that just the summer before, at camp, 00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:49.690 align:middle line:84% they had connected my mouth to one end of a string attached 00:32:49.690 --> 00:32:52.300 align:middle line:84% to the mouth of a boy so small I could 00:32:52.300 --> 00:32:54.520 align:middle line:90% have sailed him like a kite. 00:32:54.520 --> 00:32:59.170 align:middle line:84% Brace on his leg, snarled teeth, lank hair, 00:32:59.170 --> 00:33:02.800 align:middle line:84% standing on the stage at the log-cabin lodge, the boy 00:33:02.800 --> 00:33:05.020 align:middle line:84% and I were to race to a marshmallow slumped 00:33:05.020 --> 00:33:07.340 align:middle line:90% on the string's middle. 00:33:07.340 --> 00:33:10.040 align:middle line:84% I knew why the counselors had paired me with him. 00:33:10.040 --> 00:33:12.920 align:middle line:84% They could count on me to be kind to misfits, 00:33:12.920 --> 00:33:17.300 align:middle line:84% fat kids, bedwetters, the boy with a cleft lip. 00:33:17.300 --> 00:33:21.470 align:middle line:84% They saw me as blessed and missed my hunger entirely. 00:33:21.470 --> 00:33:24.860 align:middle line:84% They did not know that at the prospect of my first kiss, 00:33:24.860 --> 00:33:28.520 align:middle line:84% I was ready to love that small, crippled boy forever. 00:33:28.520 --> 00:33:32.720 align:middle line:84% I devoured string so fast, the tiny boy's eyes 00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:36.260 align:middle line:84% bulged with the silky insistence of horse chestnuts 00:33:36.260 --> 00:33:38.240 align:middle line:90% splitting their husks. 00:33:38.240 --> 00:33:42.200 align:middle line:84% All he has to do, I thought, as campers stamped their feet 00:33:42.200 --> 00:33:45.110 align:middle line:84% and whistled and hollered at what they took from 00:33:45.110 --> 00:33:47.780 align:middle line:90% my good-natured playing along-- 00:33:47.780 --> 00:33:51.080 align:middle line:84% all he has to do is show me passion, 00:33:51.080 --> 00:33:54.820 align:middle line:90% and I will show him compassion. 00:33:54.820 --> 00:33:56.890 align:middle line:90% My nose bumped the marshmallow. 00:33:56.890 --> 00:34:01.750 align:middle line:84% I waved my hand to signal done, done. 00:34:01.750 --> 00:34:05.830 align:middle line:84% The boy looked up at me in alarm, his face red. 00:34:05.830 --> 00:34:07.600 align:middle line:90% Oh, I said. 00:34:07.600 --> 00:34:10.179 align:middle line:84% My eyes filled so suddenly, I hardly 00:34:10.179 --> 00:34:12.850 align:middle line:84% knew to what to attribute the tears. 00:34:12.850 --> 00:34:15.880 align:middle line:84% I whispered, lips close to his little ear, 00:34:15.880 --> 00:34:18.699 align:middle line:84% smooth and tan as one of the stones from the lake 00:34:18.699 --> 00:34:21.489 align:middle line:90% shore below, that's OK. 00:34:21.489 --> 00:34:23.139 align:middle line:90% We don't really have to kiss. 00:34:23.139 --> 00:34:24.909 align:middle line:90% Just pretend. 00:34:24.909 --> 00:34:27.070 align:middle line:90% And he had nodded, relieved. 00:34:27.070 --> 00:34:30.239 align:middle line:90% 00:34:30.239 --> 00:34:33.540 align:middle line:84% The worst thing about doors is the way they can open so fast. 00:34:33.540 --> 00:34:35.400 align:middle line:84% If you pile rocks outside a door, 00:34:35.400 --> 00:34:38.429 align:middle line:84% you will hear an invader approach, the frying pop 00:34:38.429 --> 00:34:40.170 align:middle line:90% and chuckle of moving stone. 00:34:40.170 --> 00:34:42.600 align:middle line:84% You can plan a defense if you barricade your door 00:34:42.600 --> 00:34:45.360 align:middle line:84% with railroad ties or junked cars. 00:34:45.360 --> 00:34:48.870 align:middle line:84% But a lock can be undone with just a key and that 00:34:48.870 --> 00:34:52.949 align:middle line:84% fast, while the widening bar of black and coral 00:34:52.949 --> 00:34:57.300 align:middle line:84% becomes a full square of great, fat lady and Ron's Super 00:34:57.300 --> 00:34:59.130 align:middle line:90% Standard parking lot. 00:34:59.130 --> 00:35:02.190 align:middle line:84% Audrey drops her mother's manuscript into the basket 00:35:02.190 --> 00:35:04.800 align:middle line:84% beside the toilet, grabs up naked 00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:09.240 align:middle line:84% Ken in instant fascination for the benefit of the intruder, 00:35:09.240 --> 00:35:10.920 align:middle line:90% who comes on laughing. 00:35:10.920 --> 00:35:12.720 align:middle line:90% I picked up the key out front. 00:35:12.720 --> 00:35:14.520 align:middle line:84% Didn't know anybody was back here. 00:35:14.520 --> 00:35:16.260 align:middle line:84% What are you doing in those skates, hun? 00:35:16.260 --> 00:35:18.480 align:middle line:90% Barbie dolls? 00:35:18.480 --> 00:35:20.910 align:middle line:84% In the shadow of the woman's coral bulk, 00:35:20.910 --> 00:35:23.760 align:middle line:84% the overhang of her juicy fruit breath. 00:35:23.760 --> 00:35:25.470 align:middle line:90% Cheap, Grandma Casey would say. 00:35:25.470 --> 00:35:28.410 align:middle line:84% A lady never, never chews gum in public. 00:35:28.410 --> 00:35:31.530 align:middle line:84% Audrey concentrates on the hard feet of the Ken doll, 00:35:31.530 --> 00:35:34.380 align:middle line:84% which makes such hard work of pulling on his skinny leg 00:35:34.380 --> 00:35:35.160 align:middle line:90% pants. 00:35:35.160 --> 00:35:39.510 align:middle line:84% Say, the lady presses a purse large as a portable TV 00:35:39.510 --> 00:35:41.940 align:middle line:84% set to her front and leans forward 00:35:41.940 --> 00:35:44.940 align:middle line:84% to poke her fingers into the open case. 00:35:44.940 --> 00:35:47.490 align:middle line:84% You've got a regular gold mine here, dear. 00:35:47.490 --> 00:35:50.160 align:middle line:84% That's the original Barbie wedding gown there. 00:35:50.160 --> 00:35:52.440 align:middle line:84% And that there is the ensemble for Ken 00:35:52.440 --> 00:35:54.570 align:middle line:90% and Barbie's summer barbecue. 00:35:54.570 --> 00:35:57.660 align:middle line:84% If you've still got the little chef's hat and the hamburger 00:35:57.660 --> 00:35:58.950 align:middle line:90% flipper-- 00:35:58.950 --> 00:36:01.140 align:middle line:84% and this here is the Jackie Kennedy look. 00:36:01.140 --> 00:36:04.200 align:middle line:84% Where did you get hold of these, anyway? 00:36:04.200 --> 00:36:06.870 align:middle line:84% They were my mother's, Audrey says. 00:36:06.870 --> 00:36:08.340 align:middle line:90% She pass on, dear? 00:36:08.340 --> 00:36:09.750 align:middle line:90% Asked the woman. 00:36:09.750 --> 00:36:13.110 align:middle line:84% No, she just doesn't play with them anymore, Audrey says. 00:36:13.110 --> 00:36:15.360 align:middle line:90% [CHUCKLING] 00:36:15.360 --> 00:36:17.820 align:middle line:84% Out the corner of her eye, over her shoulder, 00:36:17.820 --> 00:36:21.570 align:middle line:84% Audrey can just make out the way one triangle of manuscript 00:36:21.570 --> 00:36:24.750 align:middle line:84% lapsed the edge of the waste bin, crooked arm 00:36:24.750 --> 00:36:26.550 align:middle line:90% of an escaping prisoner. 00:36:26.550 --> 00:36:28.260 align:middle line:90% Ponytail Barbie. 00:36:28.260 --> 00:36:31.020 align:middle line:84% Lord, I haven't seen one of those except at the shows 00:36:31.020 --> 00:36:32.160 align:middle line:90% since-- 00:36:32.160 --> 00:36:34.650 align:middle line:84% the woman shakes her head in amazement. 00:36:34.650 --> 00:36:37.980 align:middle line:84% Perhaps she is a spy sent by Audrey's mother, perhaps 00:36:37.980 --> 00:36:39.300 align:middle line:90% a psychopath. 00:36:39.300 --> 00:36:42.420 align:middle line:84% Makes the kids comfy before whipping out the gag 00:36:42.420 --> 00:36:43.905 align:middle line:90% and weapons of mutilation. 00:36:43.905 --> 00:36:45.480 align:middle line:90% [CHUCKLING] 00:36:45.480 --> 00:36:47.910 align:middle line:84% Once, outside Glick's Market, a man 00:36:47.910 --> 00:36:50.100 align:middle line:84% tried to get Audrey into his car. 00:36:50.100 --> 00:36:52.270 align:middle line:90% He wore a hat meant to be funny. 00:36:52.270 --> 00:36:54.450 align:middle line:84% It made him look as if a fish stuck right 00:36:54.450 --> 00:36:56.430 align:middle line:90% through his cranium. 00:36:56.430 --> 00:36:59.100 align:middle line:84% Don't you think you'd like to put my penis in your mouth? 00:36:59.100 --> 00:37:00.630 align:middle line:90% He asked. 00:37:00.630 --> 00:37:03.630 align:middle line:84% Audrey was so frightened she wet her pants. 00:37:03.630 --> 00:37:05.340 align:middle line:90% Good grief, said the man. 00:37:05.340 --> 00:37:10.160 align:middle line:84% And he made a disgusted face, and he drove away. 00:37:10.160 --> 00:37:11.910 align:middle line:84% Your mom waiting for you out to the pumps? 00:37:11.910 --> 00:37:14.430 align:middle line:84% Asked the lady, as she smooths the Barbie wedding 00:37:14.430 --> 00:37:15.810 align:middle line:90% gown in her hand. 00:37:15.810 --> 00:37:16.590 align:middle line:90% My mom? 00:37:16.590 --> 00:37:17.310 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 00:37:17.310 --> 00:37:19.380 align:middle line:90% She's out there. 00:37:19.380 --> 00:37:21.750 align:middle line:84% Now, my daughter never had the Barbies, 00:37:21.750 --> 00:37:25.200 align:middle line:84% the woman says, moves this information about in her mouth 00:37:25.200 --> 00:37:27.930 align:middle line:84% as if it is a bitter but therapeutic lozenge, 00:37:27.930 --> 00:37:33.460 align:middle line:84% sucks it's unsavory news with a resigned smile. 00:37:33.460 --> 00:37:36.040 align:middle line:90% That's too bad, Audrey says. 00:37:36.040 --> 00:37:38.440 align:middle line:84% The woman nods and draws a black-and-gold box 00:37:38.440 --> 00:37:41.350 align:middle line:84% of bath powder from her purse and smacks at her face 00:37:41.350 --> 00:37:43.600 align:middle line:90% with a large, peach puff. 00:37:43.600 --> 00:37:46.330 align:middle line:84% Now, my girl had the dog called the Sweet Sue doll, 00:37:46.330 --> 00:37:47.320 align:middle line:90% she continues. 00:37:47.320 --> 00:37:48.940 align:middle line:90% Doesn't bring near as much. 00:37:48.940 --> 00:37:50.650 align:middle line:84% And besides which, that little devil 00:37:50.650 --> 00:37:55.750 align:middle line:84% cut its hair off and drew ballpoint all over its face. 00:37:55.750 --> 00:37:59.530 align:middle line:84% The woman puts the puff back in the box, shrugs. 00:37:59.530 --> 00:38:01.660 align:middle line:84% Of course, that's water under the dam. 00:38:01.660 --> 00:38:05.050 align:middle line:84% But you and your mama ought to go to the antique shows around. 00:38:05.050 --> 00:38:08.110 align:middle line:84% You would see, if you've got the box they come in, 00:38:08.110 --> 00:38:14.050 align:middle line:84% the clothes are worth more, and the dolls, too, like with Avon. 00:38:14.050 --> 00:38:16.660 align:middle line:84% Audrey peeks along her side, half expecting 00:38:16.660 --> 00:38:19.510 align:middle line:84% to see the manuscript slink along the floor, almost 00:38:19.510 --> 00:38:20.950 align:middle line:90% at the exit by now. 00:38:20.950 --> 00:38:22.720 align:middle line:90% Yes, she says, maybe. 00:38:22.720 --> 00:38:24.850 align:middle line:90% But right now, my mom and-- 00:38:24.850 --> 00:38:27.310 align:middle line:84% Audrey inverts grammar for the occasion. 00:38:27.310 --> 00:38:31.180 align:middle line:84% Mom and me-- we're on our way to Texas. 00:38:31.180 --> 00:38:33.610 align:middle line:90% San Anton, Texas. 00:38:33.610 --> 00:38:37.010 align:middle line:84% Shortened, a discount-house version of its full length, 00:38:37.010 --> 00:38:39.280 align:middle line:84% maybe a little worn around the edges. 00:38:39.280 --> 00:38:42.220 align:middle line:84% San Anton strikes Audrey as breezy, 00:38:42.220 --> 00:38:44.350 align:middle line:90% an appropriate disguise. 00:38:44.350 --> 00:38:48.040 align:middle line:84% Probably, she and her mom drive a pitted station wagon 00:38:48.040 --> 00:38:52.480 align:middle line:84% of murky green with things like rusty potato mashers and lawn 00:38:52.480 --> 00:38:55.750 align:middle line:84% chairs and worn-out toys in the rear end. 00:38:55.750 --> 00:38:57.580 align:middle line:90% She yawns elaborately. 00:38:57.580 --> 00:39:00.190 align:middle line:84% She closes the suitcase, rolls a bit 00:39:00.190 --> 00:39:02.230 align:middle line:90% of toilet paper towards herself. 00:39:02.230 --> 00:39:05.410 align:middle line:84% The woman will at least allow her privacy for wiping, 00:39:05.410 --> 00:39:06.760 align:middle line:90% won't she? 00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:07.930 align:middle line:90% No. 00:39:07.930 --> 00:39:09.850 align:middle line:84% Smiling down on Audrey, the woman 00:39:09.850 --> 00:39:12.610 align:middle line:84% removes the cap from a tube of brownish lipstick 00:39:12.610 --> 00:39:14.590 align:middle line:84% and, without reference to the mirror, 00:39:14.590 --> 00:39:18.370 align:middle line:84% applies it quick and thick as apple butter to bread. 00:39:18.370 --> 00:39:21.910 align:middle line:84% Whenever you're done there, she says, and taps at her lower lip 00:39:21.910 --> 00:39:24.310 align:middle line:84% with a pinky, I'd like to chat with your mom 00:39:24.310 --> 00:39:26.910 align:middle line:90% about those dolls. 00:39:26.910 --> 00:39:30.330 align:middle line:84% Audrey steadies her rolling self with the toilet-paper dispenser 00:39:30.330 --> 00:39:34.170 align:middle line:84% as she gains her feet, yanks up the baggy shorts. 00:39:34.170 --> 00:39:36.480 align:middle line:84% I'm sure she'd like that, she says. 00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:41.160 align:middle line:84% But you see, my mom is deaf and dumb. 00:39:41.160 --> 00:39:44.610 align:middle line:84% That is, she has trouble communicating. 00:39:44.610 --> 00:39:46.560 align:middle line:84% The woman seems to wait for more. 00:39:46.560 --> 00:39:48.510 align:middle line:90% What more does she want? 00:39:48.510 --> 00:39:51.300 align:middle line:84% Well, she's blind, too, Audrey blurts-- 00:39:51.300 --> 00:39:53.160 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:39:53.160 --> 00:39:56.670 align:middle line:84% --hoping at least this handicap will garner her poor mother 00:39:56.670 --> 00:39:59.310 align:middle line:90% a little respect and sympathy. 00:39:59.310 --> 00:40:01.200 align:middle line:84% But the woman tips her head back. 00:40:01.200 --> 00:40:04.110 align:middle line:84% And eyes squeezed tight, she begins to laugh. 00:40:04.110 --> 00:40:07.110 align:middle line:84% Pardon me if you should happen to be telling the truth, 00:40:07.110 --> 00:40:09.450 align:middle line:84% hun, she says between gasps for air. 00:40:09.450 --> 00:40:12.240 align:middle line:90% But for goodness sake. 00:40:12.240 --> 00:40:13.650 align:middle line:90% Audrey rips out the door. 00:40:13.650 --> 00:40:15.960 align:middle line:84% And into the alarming dark beyond the white-light 00:40:15.960 --> 00:40:18.720 align:middle line:84% threshold surrounding Ron's Super Standard, 00:40:18.720 --> 00:40:21.060 align:middle line:84% she skates fast, her legs strong. 00:40:21.060 --> 00:40:23.820 align:middle line:84% She knows the spots where the patient power of oaks 00:40:23.820 --> 00:40:27.450 align:middle line:84% and maples have heaved the sidewalk into broken peaks 00:40:27.450 --> 00:40:30.480 align:middle line:84% and, too, where the concrete is smooth like sucking 00:40:30.480 --> 00:40:33.510 align:middle line:84% on a popsicle, where it is old and pebbled 00:40:33.510 --> 00:40:36.640 align:middle line:84% and makes her cheeks quiver in passing. 00:40:36.640 --> 00:40:38.350 align:middle line:84% She does not stop or even yelp when 00:40:38.350 --> 00:40:42.310 align:middle line:84% a branch poking out from between a picket fence snaps her face. 00:40:42.310 --> 00:40:46.150 align:middle line:84% She transforms panic into speed, brings fear down, 00:40:46.150 --> 00:40:48.340 align:middle line:90% wide-eyed as a rodeo calf-- 00:40:48.340 --> 00:40:52.330 align:middle line:84% struggling, lively, but not going anywhere. 00:40:52.330 --> 00:40:54.130 align:middle line:90% Rods, cones. 00:40:54.130 --> 00:40:55.870 align:middle line:84% In less than two blocks, her eyes 00:40:55.870 --> 00:40:59.290 align:middle line:84% have found the initial dramatic dark to be dusk. 00:40:59.290 --> 00:41:02.770 align:middle line:84% She recognizes the temporary insanity. 00:41:02.770 --> 00:41:04.630 align:middle line:90% An old fat lady, that's all. 00:41:04.630 --> 00:41:07.480 align:middle line:84% Some fat, old lady with a thing for Barbie dolls. 00:41:07.480 --> 00:41:10.390 align:middle line:84% And soon, someone from the gas station 00:41:10.390 --> 00:41:14.470 align:middle line:84% will dump that waste basket into a mountain of trash 00:41:14.470 --> 00:41:17.500 align:middle line:84% or a furnace or will call her mother, 00:41:17.500 --> 00:41:20.530 align:middle line:84% the name printed so brazenly on the top pages' 00:41:20.530 --> 00:41:23.500 align:middle line:84% upper right-hand corner as if she meant to hand it 00:41:23.500 --> 00:41:25.930 align:middle line:90% in to a teacher or something. 00:41:25.930 --> 00:41:29.050 align:middle line:84% And people at the gas station will say, well, 00:41:29.050 --> 00:41:32.290 align:middle line:84% after this young girl on roller skates took off out of here, 00:41:32.290 --> 00:41:34.810 align:middle line:84% we found a piece of your writing in the trash, ma'am. 00:41:34.810 --> 00:41:37.930 align:middle line:90% And we just wanted to check. 00:41:37.930 --> 00:41:41.590 align:middle line:84% Audrey skates slowly past the fine, big houses on Global. 00:41:41.590 --> 00:41:42.790 align:middle line:90% What's the rush? 00:41:42.790 --> 00:41:44.830 align:middle line:84% If she could only engineer some kind 00:41:44.830 --> 00:41:47.830 align:middle line:84% of relatively painless but gaudy injury, 00:41:47.830 --> 00:41:50.710 align:middle line:84% well, they would have to take her in here, at least 00:41:50.710 --> 00:41:51.790 align:middle line:90% for a while. 00:41:51.790 --> 00:41:54.610 align:middle line:84% She could pretend to be mute and deaf. 00:41:54.610 --> 00:41:57.520 align:middle line:84% She could, for a time, be utterly anonymous, 00:41:57.520 --> 00:42:00.250 align:middle line:84% a state which, at the moment, seems to Audrey 00:42:00.250 --> 00:42:02.950 align:middle line:90% a comfort beyond measure. 00:42:02.950 --> 00:42:06.100 align:middle line:84% Grandma and Grandpa Casey live in a big house, bigger 00:42:06.100 --> 00:42:07.630 align:middle line:90% even than these. 00:42:07.630 --> 00:42:11.350 align:middle line:84% Tudor, a style which survived a reign. 00:42:11.350 --> 00:42:13.750 align:middle line:84% She could go live with Grandma and Grandpa Casey 00:42:13.750 --> 00:42:16.210 align:middle line:84% if her mother hates her forever and ever for stealing 00:42:16.210 --> 00:42:17.890 align:middle line:90% and losing the writing. 00:42:17.890 --> 00:42:20.260 align:middle line:84% Grandma and Grandpa Casey would take her in. 00:42:20.260 --> 00:42:24.520 align:middle line:84% They would say, oh, poo to her mother's missing work. 00:42:24.520 --> 00:42:27.160 align:middle line:84% Grandma and Grandpa Casey consider her mother-- 00:42:27.160 --> 00:42:32.100 align:middle line:84% all their children-- nutty as fruitcake. 00:42:32.100 --> 00:42:35.730 align:middle line:84% Or maybe Audrey could live with Trina Alberhasky. 00:42:35.730 --> 00:42:38.340 align:middle line:84% Just up ahead, Trina Alberhasky's house 00:42:38.340 --> 00:42:39.540 align:middle line:90% sits long and low. 00:42:39.540 --> 00:42:42.030 align:middle line:84% Small lights burn along the pretty path 00:42:42.030 --> 00:42:43.680 align:middle line:90% to the car front door. 00:42:43.680 --> 00:42:47.940 align:middle line:84% In her room, Trina Alberhasky has a wonderful double water 00:42:47.940 --> 00:42:50.940 align:middle line:84% bed with special sheets and comforters 00:42:50.940 --> 00:42:54.750 align:middle line:84% on which the message "not necessarily so" appears 00:42:54.750 --> 00:42:58.880 align:middle line:84% over and over in a bold, cursive hand. 00:42:58.880 --> 00:43:00.830 align:middle line:84% Maybe Trina could get the manuscript. 00:43:00.830 --> 00:43:03.920 align:middle line:84% Maybe Audrey and Trina could tell Trina's mom and dad 00:43:03.920 --> 00:43:07.320 align:middle line:84% they want to buy beef sticks from the gas station. 00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:09.870 align:middle line:84% They watch TV at the Alberhasky's. 00:43:09.870 --> 00:43:12.690 align:middle line:84% It will be Joe and Pam on the matching corduroy 00:43:12.690 --> 00:43:16.830 align:middle line:84% couch and chair and Trina on the new orange carpet. 00:43:16.830 --> 00:43:19.350 align:middle line:84% Bittersweet, Trina calls the carpet, 00:43:19.350 --> 00:43:22.170 align:middle line:84% as if that makes it better than orange. 00:43:22.170 --> 00:43:23.520 align:middle line:90% And it does. 00:43:23.520 --> 00:43:24.780 align:middle line:90% Bittersweet. 00:43:24.780 --> 00:43:28.410 align:middle line:84% Audrey envies the word, the carpet, the Alberhaskys 00:43:28.410 --> 00:43:30.630 align:middle line:90% with their stupid, happy life. 00:43:30.630 --> 00:43:34.530 align:middle line:84% wide-thighed, flaxen-haired, Joe and Pam Alberhasky 00:43:34.530 --> 00:43:39.300 align:middle line:84% resemble brother and sister, old dogs, predictable, friendly. 00:43:39.300 --> 00:43:43.410 align:middle line:84% Not only do they allow Trina to watch the Martin family on TV, 00:43:43.410 --> 00:43:45.060 align:middle line:90% but they watch it, too. 00:43:45.060 --> 00:43:47.190 align:middle line:84% They do not worry that it rots their brains 00:43:47.190 --> 00:43:49.470 align:middle line:84% or robs them of intellectual fire 00:43:49.470 --> 00:43:52.560 align:middle line:84% or condemns them to a life of purchased opinions 00:43:52.560 --> 00:43:55.320 align:middle line:90% and yada-yada-yeah. 00:43:55.320 --> 00:43:57.570 align:middle line:84% Audrey skates past the Alberhasky's 00:43:57.570 --> 00:44:01.650 align:middle line:84% fast towards her own block of rentals and duplexes. 00:44:01.650 --> 00:44:05.310 align:middle line:84% Impossible to tell Trina Alberhasky what she has done 00:44:05.310 --> 00:44:08.400 align:middle line:84% or about this horrible stuff her mother has written. 00:44:08.400 --> 00:44:12.150 align:middle line:84% Really, she ought to just leave the manuscript where it lies, 00:44:12.150 --> 00:44:15.750 align:middle line:84% good riddance to bad rubbish, and get rid 00:44:15.750 --> 00:44:18.210 align:middle line:90% of the rest of the box, too. 00:44:18.210 --> 00:44:20.970 align:middle line:84% Oh, yeah, I put it out with the trash. 00:44:20.970 --> 00:44:22.830 align:middle line:84% Was there something you wanted in it, Mom? 00:44:22.830 --> 00:44:25.660 align:middle line:90% 00:44:25.660 --> 00:44:27.940 align:middle line:84% Forearms slamming the metal, Audrey 00:44:27.940 --> 00:44:32.710 align:middle line:84% yanks herself to a sweaty stop on the handle of a US mailbox. 00:44:32.710 --> 00:44:37.360 align:middle line:84% The pain is dull, distant, like a reminder of some other injury 00:44:37.360 --> 00:44:39.730 align:middle line:90% rather than the thing itself. 00:44:39.730 --> 00:44:42.850 align:middle line:84% From here, the base of the hill, all she can truly 00:44:42.850 --> 00:44:46.180 align:middle line:84% see of the duplex she lives in with Natalie and her mother 00:44:46.180 --> 00:44:49.270 align:middle line:84% is her mother's bedroom, the light 00:44:49.270 --> 00:44:52.380 align:middle line:84% the study lamp casts on the ceiling, 00:44:52.380 --> 00:44:55.110 align:middle line:90% a tiny spot for a tiny dancer. 00:44:55.110 --> 00:44:57.540 align:middle line:90% Very cozy, very friendly. 00:44:57.540 --> 00:45:00.070 align:middle line:84% At night, golden-eyed, the shabby houses 00:45:00.070 --> 00:45:02.070 align:middle line:84% of Audrey's neighborhood seem like something out 00:45:02.070 --> 00:45:04.620 align:middle line:84% of those stories in which poor people get along 00:45:04.620 --> 00:45:06.360 align:middle line:90% even better than the rest. 00:45:06.360 --> 00:45:11.390 align:middle line:84% Care burnishes circumscription into a golden circle. 00:45:11.390 --> 00:45:16.170 align:middle line:84% The families in such houses sing songs at night or crack butter 00:45:16.170 --> 00:45:17.610 align:middle line:90% nuts gathered-- 00:45:17.610 --> 00:45:20.460 align:middle line:84% no, the word Audrey wants-- gleaned. 00:45:20.460 --> 00:45:25.680 align:middle line:84% Butter nuts gleaned from a kindly farmer's yard. 00:45:25.680 --> 00:45:29.310 align:middle line:84% No one can afford to be less than sane in those houses. 00:45:29.310 --> 00:45:31.830 align:middle line:84% No one can afford to sit up all night in the dark, 00:45:31.830 --> 00:45:35.250 align:middle line:84% thinking, jotting notes on paper, their hair wild all 00:45:35.250 --> 00:45:38.400 align:middle line:84% over their shoulders, smoking cigarettes, which give you lung 00:45:38.400 --> 00:45:42.060 align:middle line:84% cancer, emphysema, heart disease. 00:45:42.060 --> 00:45:46.020 align:middle line:84% Audrey skates uphill fast and furious, passing the duplex 00:45:46.020 --> 00:45:47.340 align:middle line:90% like a stranger. 00:45:47.340 --> 00:45:52.140 align:middle line:84% From the kitchen, Coco gives one rusty bark, then stops, 00:45:52.140 --> 00:45:55.410 align:middle line:84% a dismissal Audrey does not entirely appreciate. 00:45:55.410 --> 00:45:58.150 align:middle line:90% 00:45:58.150 --> 00:46:02.080 align:middle line:84% Perhaps no one has even noticed her absence. 00:46:02.080 --> 00:46:03.790 align:middle line:84% She could be dead in the streets, 00:46:03.790 --> 00:46:07.120 align:middle line:84% and it would not have occurred to either of those goofballs 00:46:07.120 --> 00:46:09.520 align:middle line:84% inside that sirens in the distance 00:46:09.520 --> 00:46:12.660 align:middle line:84% might have a thing to do with their Audrey. 00:46:12.660 --> 00:46:14.010 align:middle line:90% Where's Audrey? 00:46:14.010 --> 00:46:16.680 align:middle line:84% Oh, I think she went to bed or something. 00:46:16.680 --> 00:46:20.340 align:middle line:84% While unidentified, her body floats through the corridors 00:46:20.340 --> 00:46:24.780 align:middle line:84% of a gray and dank hospital, becomes the amusing meat 00:46:24.780 --> 00:46:28.350 align:middle line:90% of student surgeons. 00:46:28.350 --> 00:46:30.600 align:middle line:84% Skates extended before her, banked 00:46:30.600 --> 00:46:32.490 align:middle line:84% against the edge of the sidewalk, 00:46:32.490 --> 00:46:35.640 align:middle line:84% Audrey perches gingerly on the fire hydrant 00:46:35.640 --> 00:46:38.370 align:middle line:90% at the top of the hill. 00:46:38.370 --> 00:46:42.210 align:middle line:84% Visible, vulnerable now in the twin golden windows 00:46:42.210 --> 00:46:44.880 align:middle line:84% of her bedroom, cloak of red curls 00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:48.810 align:middle line:84% frothing beneath the lamp, her mother looks out at the night. 00:46:48.810 --> 00:46:53.580 align:middle line:84% And Natalie, in the kitchen, her hands on the rim of the sink-- 00:46:53.580 --> 00:46:58.450 align:middle line:84% she looks out, too, rocks on her heels back and forth. 00:46:58.450 --> 00:47:01.480 align:middle line:84% The sink under Natalie's fingers will be cool. 00:47:01.480 --> 00:47:03.850 align:middle line:84% Or perhaps she's been there for a long time 00:47:03.850 --> 00:47:10.030 align:middle line:84% watching her [AUDIO OUT] because I was so worried about you. 00:47:10.030 --> 00:47:12.490 align:middle line:84% And her mother would smile and smooth 00:47:12.490 --> 00:47:14.410 align:middle line:84% Audrey's hair back from her face, 00:47:14.410 --> 00:47:17.020 align:middle line:84% and they'll call the gas station. 00:47:17.020 --> 00:47:22.300 align:middle line:84% But oh, Jesus, hisses Audrey, as Natalie pushes her mouth 00:47:22.300 --> 00:47:24.280 align:middle line:90% into those duck lips again. 00:47:24.280 --> 00:47:28.150 align:middle line:84% And Audrey remembers the way the night-backed window becomes 00:47:28.150 --> 00:47:29.410 align:middle line:90% mirror. 00:47:29.410 --> 00:47:32.020 align:middle line:84% Close the curtains, you ridiculous people, 00:47:32.020 --> 00:47:34.150 align:middle line:90% she says and chokes back a sob. 00:47:34.150 --> 00:47:36.220 align:middle line:84% You could at least close the curtains, 00:47:36.220 --> 00:47:37.270 align:middle line:90% you ridiculous people. 00:47:37.270 --> 00:47:39.800 align:middle line:90% 00:47:39.800 --> 00:47:44.090 align:middle line:84% Geography and anger take Audrey faster and faster 00:47:44.090 --> 00:47:46.040 align:middle line:90% on the downhill skate. 00:47:46.040 --> 00:47:50.510 align:middle line:84% For the first time in her life, she does not run onto the grass 00:47:50.510 --> 00:47:54.710 align:middle line:84% as she nears the foreway at the base, but bends her knees, 00:47:54.710 --> 00:47:57.260 align:middle line:84% makes the hop off the curb like one 00:47:57.260 --> 00:48:01.260 align:middle line:84% of the big boys who sometimes whiz through the neighborhood. 00:48:01.260 --> 00:48:04.380 align:middle line:90% Oh, her teeth slam together. 00:48:04.380 --> 00:48:09.400 align:middle line:90% Eyes water with wind and ache. 00:48:09.400 --> 00:48:13.090 align:middle line:84% A station wagon quite like the one she imagined for her trip 00:48:13.090 --> 00:48:17.830 align:middle line:84% to San Anton sits under the big lights of Ron's Super Standard. 00:48:17.830 --> 00:48:20.470 align:middle line:84% And several tattered children climb in and out 00:48:20.470 --> 00:48:24.280 align:middle line:84% its many windows and doors, hit each other with fists, 00:48:24.280 --> 00:48:25.840 align:middle line:90% whisper threats. 00:48:25.840 --> 00:48:27.220 align:middle line:90% Booger, says one boy. 00:48:27.220 --> 00:48:29.650 align:middle line:90% Poop, says another. 00:48:29.650 --> 00:48:32.440 align:middle line:84% Audrey is relieved that they are too absorbed 00:48:32.440 --> 00:48:34.450 align:middle line:90% to notice her skate past. 00:48:34.450 --> 00:48:37.870 align:middle line:84% Quickly, she clumps up the step and into the station. 00:48:37.870 --> 00:48:41.860 align:middle line:84% A scrappy woman laying bags of pretzels and chips 00:48:41.860 --> 00:48:44.980 align:middle line:84% on the counter turns at the sound of the skate. 00:48:44.980 --> 00:48:47.530 align:middle line:84% Look at that, she says to the attendant. 00:48:47.530 --> 00:48:49.270 align:middle line:90% The attendant looks. 00:48:49.270 --> 00:48:52.900 align:middle line:84% That's $12.32 altogether, ma'am, he says. 00:48:52.900 --> 00:48:56.500 align:middle line:84% Believe it or not, I used to skate myself, says the woman. 00:48:56.500 --> 00:48:58.030 align:middle line:84% I believe it, says the attendant. 00:48:58.030 --> 00:48:59.025 align:middle line:90% That's $12.32. 00:48:59.025 --> 00:49:00.940 align:middle line:90% [CHUCKLING] 00:49:00.940 --> 00:49:04.750 align:middle line:84% The heat of the skate has left Audrey sweaty, tingling. 00:49:04.750 --> 00:49:07.060 align:middle line:84% The woman and the station attendant 00:49:07.060 --> 00:49:09.820 align:middle line:84% both appear fogged, as if she views them 00:49:09.820 --> 00:49:11.800 align:middle line:90% through a steamy window. 00:49:11.800 --> 00:49:13.570 align:middle line:84% Can I have the key for the restroom? 00:49:13.570 --> 00:49:15.100 align:middle line:90% She asks. 00:49:15.100 --> 00:49:18.730 align:middle line:84% The attendant flips the heavy tag onto the counter. 00:49:18.730 --> 00:49:21.190 align:middle line:90% Bring that back after, he says. 00:49:21.190 --> 00:49:24.750 align:middle line:84% Don't leave it in the door like some do. 00:49:24.750 --> 00:49:25.980 align:middle line:90% Audrey nods. 00:49:25.980 --> 00:49:29.550 align:middle line:84% She prays as she rolls to the door. 00:49:29.550 --> 00:49:32.370 align:middle line:84% Lord, have mercy upon us miserable offenders. 00:49:32.370 --> 00:49:35.490 align:middle line:84% Spare all those who confess their faults. 00:49:35.490 --> 00:49:36.990 align:middle line:90% Is that enough? 00:49:36.990 --> 00:49:40.290 align:middle line:84% Restore thou those who are penitent. 00:49:40.290 --> 00:49:43.080 align:middle line:84% A disposable diaper and an empty can of Orange Crush 00:49:43.080 --> 00:49:45.060 align:middle line:84% sit on top of her mother's writing, 00:49:45.060 --> 00:49:49.890 align:middle line:84% but the paper remains miraculously clean, unharmed. 00:49:49.890 --> 00:49:52.530 align:middle line:84% Audrey can scarcely believe her good fortune. 00:49:52.530 --> 00:49:55.440 align:middle line:84% And without quite meaning to, while she straightens 00:49:55.440 --> 00:49:59.370 align:middle line:84% the pages, she begins to read again, deeper in the stack 00:49:59.370 --> 00:50:01.980 align:middle line:90% this time, something different. 00:50:01.980 --> 00:50:05.160 align:middle line:84% A grown woman driving through her hometown, 00:50:05.160 --> 00:50:07.920 align:middle line:84% considering the various ways in which she 00:50:07.920 --> 00:50:11.760 align:middle line:84% might smash her car into a particular office building 00:50:11.760 --> 00:50:15.600 align:middle line:84% so that the man inside would have to come outside, 00:50:15.600 --> 00:50:19.350 align:middle line:84% and she could tell him how much he hurt her once upon a time 00:50:19.350 --> 00:50:23.320 align:middle line:84% and how she does not love him anymore. 00:50:23.320 --> 00:50:26.380 align:middle line:84% Two small children rode in the back of that car, 00:50:26.380 --> 00:50:29.500 align:middle line:84% little girls strapped into safety seats. 00:50:29.500 --> 00:50:31.780 align:middle line:84% And every now and then, the older 00:50:31.780 --> 00:50:35.500 align:middle line:84% one would ask, can we go to the bakery now, mama? 00:50:35.500 --> 00:50:36.310 align:middle line:90% Is it time? 00:50:36.310 --> 00:50:39.100 align:middle line:90% 00:50:39.100 --> 00:50:41.060 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:50:41.060 --> 00:50:41.560 align:middle line:90% Thanks. 00:50:41.560 --> 00:50:45.010 align:middle line:90% 00:50:45.010 --> 00:50:46.860 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:50:46.860 --> 00:51:07.000 align:middle line:90%