WEBVTT

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"Christian Child."

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I remember the dark maroon of
the armrests, real imitation

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velvet.

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The mat that would jerk gently
back and forth under my thumb.

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I still sucked it seven
years old, eight, nine.

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I remember the soft feathery
darkness vast around us,

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a real theater, my
mother next to me.

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I was allowed one movie
a year, on Good Friday.

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A three hour movie,
because Jesus

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hung on the cross from noon
to 3:00 on an April afternoon,

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in AD 33.

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There was no baby, no
comet, no cow, no gift.

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There was Palm Sunday,
the nought-man almost

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like a bearded lady
coming in on the burro.

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The Last Supper, family meal
time tainted and uneasy.

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The whole family of grown
boys hairy in the 90s.

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The night in the
garden, the name

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of the garden like cloves,
sesame, Gethsemane.

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Everyone slept but
the isolated boy.

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And then the kiss, as
if every good thing

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would be taken
and turned to bad.

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30 pieces of silver, like the
change in my mother's purse

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I took to buy donuts.

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Planetary rings of glazed
isolated pleasure, room

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and shields, swords
blood-red, shaving brush,

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coxcombs curved forward
over the soldier's heads.

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And then the king, washing and
washing his hands as if power

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were a stain to come off, and
the crowd chose the thief.

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The brat with a name like
Brer Rabbit Molasses,

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Barabbas, the one
who filched coins.

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It was all so terrible,
wonderful, huge,

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enormous before us in the dark.

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My mother rigid, the crown
across between barbed wire

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and a woven Easter basket.

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They set it on his head, and
pounded it into his scalp

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gently with a wooden mallet.

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Of course, they made
him carry his own cross

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through the streets.

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The way you have to
eat the cold food

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you left from the last meal,
before you'll be given hot.

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But then they took his real
hand and held the fingers open,

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and poised the blunt point
of that uneven spike,

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in the center of his palm
where you can hold your soul

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and they held it.

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The other hand, the way
they crossed the thin parts

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of the feet to save a nail.

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I didn't get sick.

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I had a strong
stomach, but something

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had to bend to get the knowledge
to my brain past my heart,

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that this was what
people do to each other.

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The spear delicately opening
the oval spear-shaped slit

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in his side.

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When he said, I thirst,
like a kid in bed at night.

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And they raised the sponge
like a wet rice crispy

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on the end of that long
stick, and the sponge

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was soaked in vinegar.

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My mouth was open, and my eyes
so open, my sockets ached.

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I held the animal
scurf of the armrest,

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and felt my mother's body
shake with controlled passion.

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Then they brought his mother
to the base of the cross.

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She looked up, up, up until
she could see her boy.

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He gave her to his friend.

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He turned his head, and spoke
to the thief on the cross

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to his right, this evening thou
shalt be with me in paradise.

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I heard his deep, male
voice and some other noise.

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Some bad mammal
sound in the theater,

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a trapped poor cry that was
coming from my own mouth.

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It is finished, He whispered.

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And then thank God, He died.

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Loud music, violins,
horns, the lights came up.

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I saw my own hand on
the dark red velvet.

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I saw the horrible world.

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And Sunday, they would find the
stone rolled away from tomb.

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His diaper perfectly folded.

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People would stick the
length of their finger

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into the holes in him.

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He would walk on the
lake easily, sweetly.

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But now it was Friday.

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Electric chair day,
whack day, cross day.

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My mother wiping her
small face, wild and meek.

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And if she was Jesus, I knew
who was Pontius Pilate, Caesar,

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Lucifer.

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And yet my father lay on
the couch like a deposition,

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his arms open like a newborn
baby with a new reflex that

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cannot help.

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And he never hurt me physically.

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While my mother with
astonishing energy,

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tried to hit the
devil out of me.

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And first, I had to strip
to the waist from the floor

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up, wait on the exact
center of her rug.

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Not today.

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This was Good Friday.

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Only two more days
till they hid the eggs,

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those beautiful rosy ovals.

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the chick all chalk yolk,
and they gave you a chocolate

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rabbit for the end of Lent.

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I'd start with the ears, solid,
something to grind my molars

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and canines against.

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And then come to the
hollow body, one bite

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and it exploded, fragile,
powerful, sweet, a threat

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and a promise.

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