WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.360 align:middle line:90% 00:00:03.360 --> 00:00:07.290 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read three more poems. 00:00:07.290 --> 00:00:11.320 align:middle line:84% One is a little longer than the others. 00:00:11.320 --> 00:00:15.260 align:middle line:90% The first one is called January. 00:00:15.260 --> 00:00:21.390 align:middle line:84% Three clear days and then a sudden storm. 00:00:21.390 --> 00:00:25.380 align:middle line:84% Cedar waxwings, having feasted on the pyracantha, 00:00:25.380 --> 00:00:29.460 align:middle line:84% perch in the yard on an offended pine and face 00:00:29.460 --> 00:00:31.470 align:middle line:90% into the slanting rain. 00:00:31.470 --> 00:00:33.390 align:middle line:90% I think they are a little drunk. 00:00:33.390 --> 00:00:36.480 align:middle line:90% 00:00:36.480 --> 00:00:39.990 align:middle line:84% I was making this gathering which pleased me, the discarded 00:00:39.990 --> 00:00:43.740 align:middle line:84% Christmas tree, the waxwings which always pass through about 00:00:43.740 --> 00:00:46.860 align:middle line:84% this time of year in the first January storm 00:00:46.860 --> 00:00:50.730 align:middle line:84% as if I had finally defined a California season when Rachel 00:00:50.730 --> 00:00:53.610 align:middle line:84% came down the walk and went into the house. 00:00:53.610 --> 00:00:54.900 align:middle line:90% I typed it out-- 00:00:54.900 --> 00:00:58.260 align:middle line:84% The birds giddy with Janus, the two-faced god-- 00:00:58.260 --> 00:01:00.870 align:middle line:90% and then went in to say hello. 00:01:00.870 --> 00:01:04.110 align:middle line:90% What I saw was a haiku. 00:01:04.110 --> 00:01:06.990 align:middle line:84% Two women sitting at the kitchen table, 00:01:06.990 --> 00:01:10.050 align:middle line:90% muted light on a rainy morning. 00:01:10.050 --> 00:01:14.070 align:middle line:90% One has car keys in her hand. 00:01:14.070 --> 00:01:17.010 align:middle line:84% I was surprised by two feelings at once. 00:01:17.010 --> 00:01:21.330 align:middle line:84% One was a memory, the other a memory trace. 00:01:21.330 --> 00:01:23.550 align:middle line:84% The memory called up I think by a glimpse 00:01:23.550 --> 00:01:27.090 align:middle line:84% of Rachel's sculpted profile against the cypresses 00:01:27.090 --> 00:01:31.230 align:middle line:84% outside the window just before she turned to greet me. 00:01:31.230 --> 00:01:34.800 align:middle line:84% I thought of the day 12 years ago in early summer. 00:01:34.800 --> 00:01:38.430 align:middle line:84% Rachel had just had an abortion and we all went for a walk 00:01:38.430 --> 00:01:40.830 align:middle line:90% in San Francisco near the Bay. 00:01:40.830 --> 00:01:43.170 align:middle line:84% Everything was in bloom and we were 00:01:43.170 --> 00:01:46.230 align:middle line:84% being conscientiously cheerful, young really 00:01:46.230 --> 00:01:50.100 align:middle line:84% not knowing what form there might be for such an occasion 00:01:50.100 --> 00:01:53.490 align:middle line:90% or in fact what occasion it was. 00:01:53.490 --> 00:01:58.800 align:middle line:84% And Rachel in profile talking casually, the bay behind her 00:01:58.800 --> 00:02:02.020 align:middle line:90% looked radiant with grief. 00:02:02.020 --> 00:02:05.550 align:middle line:84% Memory trace had to do with car keys and two women 00:02:05.550 --> 00:02:06.930 align:middle line:90% in a kitchen. 00:02:06.930 --> 00:02:09.210 align:middle line:90% Someone was visiting my mother. 00:02:09.210 --> 00:02:10.440 align:middle line:90% It was a rainy day. 00:02:10.440 --> 00:02:12.210 align:middle line:90% So I was inside. 00:02:12.210 --> 00:02:16.020 align:middle line:84% Her friend, as adults will, to signal that they are not 00:02:16.020 --> 00:02:21.090 align:middle line:84% going to take too much of your time, had car keys in her hand. 00:02:21.090 --> 00:02:23.430 align:middle line:84% Between Rachel and Earlene, there 00:02:23.430 --> 00:02:26.370 align:middle line:84% were three oranges in the basket on the table. 00:02:26.370 --> 00:02:29.460 align:middle line:84% And I had a sweet dizzying sensation 00:02:29.460 --> 00:02:35.220 align:middle line:84% that the color was circulating among them in a dance. 00:02:35.220 --> 00:02:38.370 align:middle line:90% Play the wedding music slow. 00:02:38.370 --> 00:02:41.250 align:middle line:90% Lovers have a place to go. 00:02:41.250 --> 00:02:46.860 align:middle line:84% Their dancing bones will have to grow more gentle and uneasy. 00:02:46.860 --> 00:02:50.520 align:middle line:84% The heart is what we eat with almond blossoms 00:02:50.520 --> 00:02:52.210 align:middle line:90% bitter to the tongue. 00:02:52.210 --> 00:02:56.980 align:middle line:84% The hair of tulips in the softening spring. 00:02:56.980 --> 00:02:59.530 align:middle line:90% Rachel is looking for a house. 00:02:59.530 --> 00:03:02.350 align:middle line:84% A realtor had just shown her one. 00:03:02.350 --> 00:03:04.450 align:middle line:84% Looking at the new house, she loved 00:03:04.450 --> 00:03:08.560 align:middle line:84% the old one, especially the green of the garden, 00:03:08.560 --> 00:03:10.870 align:middle line:90% looking out on the garden. 00:03:10.870 --> 00:03:13.870 align:middle line:84% The old house had drawbacks long rehearsed. 00:03:13.870 --> 00:03:16.810 align:middle line:84% And the new one with its cedar shingle and view 00:03:16.810 --> 00:03:18.170 align:middle line:90% didn't feel right. 00:03:18.170 --> 00:03:20.440 align:middle line:90% It was so anonymous and perfect. 00:03:20.440 --> 00:03:24.580 align:middle line:84% It didn't have the green secrecy of the garden or the apple tree 00:03:24.580 --> 00:03:27.250 align:middle line:90% to tie Claire's swing to. 00:03:27.250 --> 00:03:28.940 align:middle line:90% Earlene is asking questions. 00:03:28.940 --> 00:03:29.650 align:middle line:90% trying to help. 00:03:29.650 --> 00:03:32.680 align:middle line:84% A few minutes later when I pass through again 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:36.370 align:middle line:84% they are laughing at the comedy in the business of trying 00:03:36.370 --> 00:03:40.300 align:middle line:84% to sort through mutually exclusive alternatives in which 00:03:40.300 --> 00:03:45.580 align:middle line:84% figures some tacit imagination of contentment from which life 00:03:45.580 --> 00:03:47.770 align:middle line:90% wants to flower. 00:03:47.770 --> 00:03:51.400 align:middle line:84% I hate that old house, Barbara is saying. 00:03:51.400 --> 00:03:54.850 align:middle line:84% I hate that old house, Rachel is saying, laughing, 00:03:54.850 --> 00:03:56.960 align:middle line:90% tears in her eyes. 00:03:56.960 --> 00:04:00.970 align:middle line:84% I find myself looking at their skin, the coloring 00:04:00.970 --> 00:04:04.870 align:middle line:84% and the first relaxation of the tautness of the sleeker 00:04:04.870 --> 00:04:10.210 align:middle line:84% skin of the young, the casual beauty and normality 00:04:10.210 --> 00:04:12.100 align:middle line:90% of that first softening. 00:04:12.100 --> 00:04:14.750 align:middle line:90% 00:04:14.750 --> 00:04:18.649 align:middle line:84% The rain has stopped, no birds but light. 00:04:18.649 --> 00:04:23.270 align:middle line:84% the white of Shasta daisies and two red geraniums 00:04:23.270 --> 00:04:27.470 align:middle line:84% against the fence, and the dark brown of wet wood 00:04:27.470 --> 00:04:31.420 align:middle line:90% glistening a little as it dries. 00:04:31.420 --> 00:04:32.484 align:middle line:90%