OK.
People ask me, they say, why don't you--
do you pick your poems in advance?
And I kind of did because some of the things are in books.
And I want to make sure of the page numbers.
But then I see an audience.
And I sort of start to change according to the faces
and stuff that I'm getting back in the audience.
And you're probably all going to hate
this poem after I say this.
But I do a lot of persona poems.
I do a lot of poems in the voices of other people.
So this poem, when I was a little kid,
my father would take me to the barbershop.
And when my son was small, he would take him
to the barbershop.
And even though it was different cities and years had passed,
it was almost like the same barber.
So I'm always asking kids especially
who want to write poetry that they should always
listen to voices that are around them all the time.
You never know where you're going to find a poem.
So you know how barbers gossip about everybody?
You know there's always a big picture
window in the barbershop and everybody that passes by,
they got something to say about them.
And sometimes they forget you're sitting there
and start talking about you.
And they're always talking about how many women they've had.
And you know they're lying.
You know, how many women they had,
how great their sex life is, and it's just a running commentary
the whole time.
So this is dedicated to a barber by the name of Terrell.
This has mild sexual content.
So any of you will be offended are welcome to leave now.
And we'll just all watch you walk out and laugh.
Well, look who comes walking into my barbershop,
still wearing that Jheri curl.
You know man, it's 2000.
Ain't nobody got no time for that grease
dripping all down their neck, especially
hot as it is out there.
Come here, let me clip that stuff down.
Let those nats grow out.
You know, a couple of weeks, I hook you up with a fade.
The sisters don't like putting their hands
in that greasy mess.
And did you all see that child Aretha on stage?
The president sang.
Trailing all that fur like she's Queen Elizabeth
and all that fat underneath it.
I ain't never seen no black woman with money stay fat.
Chickens see her coming, even the bones get scared.
That child will eat a spaghetti strap.
What's that song she sang?
"Ain't No Way."
Well I guess it sho' ain't.
She got one chance though.
If you stay alive long enough, time will make you skinny.
I just don't know if she got that much time.
Oh, yeah, there go that gal I was telling you all about.
Got enough ass to bounce a drink on.
I'm going to be knee deep in that come Saturday night
or my name ain't Terrell Anderson Jr.
And I ain't got my hand tussling in your head.
Man, she don't know me yet.
But she will.
I bet she's already heard about how my lovemaking done put
a few sisters on crutches.
I just whip some of this nature on them.
Now they drooling and barking like dogs.
Hell, y'all quit laughing.
Yo, whoa, Thomas, you ask your sister.
And you over there, ask your mama.
They say size no matter, but it do if it's this size, man.
I have to bind it to my leg, it would scare you all out
of here.
Come next week, you all can ask that gal y'all just seen.
She'll be passing by that window in a wheelchair.
Mark my words.
And Thomas, one too many times I done
seen your wife over across the street in the butcher shop.
And the meat she asked him for ain't what makes it
to your table for supper.
She's over there behind the counter
like she's interested in the butcher business.
What she's interested in is the butcher's business.
And you might be asking yourself why?
You better start taking care of business
at your own home, my man, before she get a taste that
sausage he's selling.
Then you'll be able to talk about she gone.
She gone.
Man, I'm telling you women are liberated nowadays.
You can't be climbing up on top of them,
poking them like you got somewhere
else to be in five minutes.
Once again, men of Tucson, you can't be climbing up
on top of them like you got somewhere else
to be in five minutes.
And every time you get a chance, there
you are up in the Continental, sniffing all up
Deborah Ann's young butt like she wants something from you
besides that money always waving around.
Man, let me tell you.
Anytime you see flies buzzing around a sister,
and it ain't summer, it's time to move on to another one.
I don't know, man, your wife got some nice legs on her.
You know if that butcher don't take her up on it,
I might get in line.
And what are you talking--
what's wrong with your boy?
Damn near 40 years old, no woman in sight.
Could be he just ugly though.
You know, the other night I heard a blind woman turning him
down.
Says she could just imagine how ugly he was.
You ain't talking about some activator, man.
You better activate your head under this razor
and let me cut that stuff out of there.
This 2000 now.
Let me see if I can tell you.
Black man free now.
Superfly done flew.
I've been doing this 40 years.
This is Terrell's Afrocentric Barbershop Fade
Palace and Wild Style Emporium.
Now put your ass in my chair and put your head in my hands.
[APPLAUSE]
Just one look at you all, said, oop, mild sexual content.
[INAUDIBLE] That's right now, you know.