WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.357 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:00:03.357 --> 00:00:04.190 align:middle line:90% I'll give you a hug. 00:00:04.190 --> 00:00:10.522 align:middle line:90% 00:00:10.522 --> 00:00:14.400 align:middle line:84% That was my one hug for the evening. 00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:17.082 align:middle line:90% I'm all out. 00:00:17.082 --> 00:00:17.790 align:middle line:90% Thank you, Logan. 00:00:17.790 --> 00:00:20.480 align:middle line:90% 00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:20.980 align:middle line:90% That was me. 00:00:20.980 --> 00:00:24.261 align:middle line:90% 00:00:24.261 --> 00:00:27.580 align:middle line:90% I'm just going to get to it. 00:00:27.580 --> 00:00:28.080 align:middle line:90% Yeah. 00:00:28.080 --> 00:00:31.920 align:middle line:84% It's an honor to be here with Manuel and Andrew-- 00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:33.510 align:middle line:84% two writers who I've long admired, 00:00:33.510 --> 00:00:37.428 align:middle line:84% and now, I get to work with and talk shit with, you know? 00:00:37.428 --> 00:00:41.910 align:middle line:90% 00:00:41.910 --> 00:00:45.270 align:middle line:84% If you get a chance, I think, the "Wolves" track 00:00:45.270 --> 00:00:50.760 align:middle line:84% by Selena Gomez sums us up, so give that a listen later on. 00:00:50.760 --> 00:00:53.730 align:middle line:84% I'm a metalhead, but I do love Selena Gomez as well. 00:00:53.730 --> 00:00:56.440 align:middle line:90% 00:00:56.440 --> 00:00:58.800 align:middle line:84% I think this is my, at the moment, 00:00:58.800 --> 00:01:00.270 align:middle line:84% favorite story in the book, so I'm 00:01:00.270 --> 00:01:01.437 align:middle line:90% going to read from it a bit. 00:01:01.437 --> 00:01:03.570 align:middle line:84% It's called "A New Place to Hide." 00:01:03.570 --> 00:01:06.240 align:middle line:84% It's the youngest story and has the youngest narrator, 00:01:06.240 --> 00:01:08.830 align:middle line:84% so maybe there's something to that. 00:01:08.830 --> 00:01:13.908 align:middle line:84% So it begins with a epigram from Epictetus. 00:01:13.908 --> 00:01:15.450 align:middle line:84% "There was only one way to happiness, 00:01:15.450 --> 00:01:18.150 align:middle line:84% and that is to cease worrying about things, which are 00:01:18.150 --> 00:01:20.250 align:middle line:90% beyond the power of our will." 00:01:20.250 --> 00:01:24.490 align:middle line:84% My puppy, here, is freaking out in her bag. 00:01:24.490 --> 00:01:26.680 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:01:26.680 --> 00:01:30.130 align:middle line:84% "When I began driving illegally as a sort of amateur chauffeur, 00:01:30.130 --> 00:01:33.340 align:middle line:84% I was 13, and this dangerous time of my life 00:01:33.340 --> 00:01:35.110 align:middle line:90% robbed me of my innocence. 00:01:35.110 --> 00:01:39.100 align:middle line:84% No, I was gutted, my innocence excised. 00:01:39.100 --> 00:01:42.160 align:middle line:84% My viscera was scattered across shimmering black pavement, 00:01:42.160 --> 00:01:45.070 align:middle line:84% which was my only reliable guide through life. 00:01:45.070 --> 00:01:47.440 align:middle line:84% I was a solitary but not lonely child-- 00:01:47.440 --> 00:01:49.780 align:middle line:84% a condition I hadn't arrived at on my own-- 00:01:49.780 --> 00:01:53.500 align:middle line:84% colonial violence, borderland divide and conquer 00:01:53.500 --> 00:01:57.640 align:middle line:84% sentimentalisms, assimilated educational hierarchies of race 00:01:57.640 --> 00:01:59.920 align:middle line:84% and class, exile, and abandonment-- 00:01:59.920 --> 00:02:01.880 align:middle line:90% all of it natured in me. 00:02:01.880 --> 00:02:05.110 align:middle line:84% Put plainly, I spent my infancy and adolescence 00:02:05.110 --> 00:02:08.539 align:middle line:84% on Dinétah, the homelands of the people-- 00:02:08.539 --> 00:02:10.479 align:middle line:90% my people, I suppose. 00:02:10.479 --> 00:02:14.140 align:middle line:84% Eventually my idealistic and easily bored 00:02:14.140 --> 00:02:17.410 align:middle line:84% parents moved us to Flagstaff, an idyllic mountain town filled 00:02:17.410 --> 00:02:20.890 align:middle line:84% with the thrill quenching nostalgia of cowboys 00:02:20.890 --> 00:02:23.140 align:middle line:90% and pioneering violence. 00:02:23.140 --> 00:02:25.450 align:middle line:84% Most people being cowards, that violence was rarely 00:02:25.450 --> 00:02:27.940 align:middle line:84% enacted individually, but in a dull herd, 00:02:27.940 --> 00:02:29.800 align:middle line:84% dull mouthed bleating can easily turn 00:02:29.800 --> 00:02:32.290 align:middle line:84% into a battle chant, the stomping of small hooves 00:02:32.290 --> 00:02:34.360 align:middle line:90% a weapon of mass destruction. 00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:37.780 align:middle line:84% The town felt like the edge of the world and was in fact 00:02:37.780 --> 00:02:40.210 align:middle line:84% the Western reach of a holy land facing 00:02:40.210 --> 00:02:44.260 align:middle line:90% a glacially paced apocalypse." 00:02:44.260 --> 00:02:45.880 align:middle line:84% So I'm getting over a sinus infection. 00:02:45.880 --> 00:02:49.210 align:middle line:90% I can't really breathe. 00:02:49.210 --> 00:02:51.070 align:middle line:84% "Uprooted midway through the fourth grade, 00:02:51.070 --> 00:02:54.070 align:middle line:84% I was thrust into a classroom of mostly white students, 00:02:54.070 --> 00:02:57.070 align:middle line:84% we non-whites being a Black boy, two Mexican girls, 00:02:57.070 --> 00:03:00.160 align:middle line:84% a half-Mexican half-Japanese boy, and me. 00:03:00.160 --> 00:03:02.050 align:middle line:84% We were suspicious of one another, ignorant 00:03:02.050 --> 00:03:03.658 align:middle line:84% of the factors beyond our control 00:03:03.658 --> 00:03:05.200 align:middle line:84% that had brought us to such a setting 00:03:05.200 --> 00:03:07.360 align:middle line:84% and all too willing to accept the tokenships 00:03:07.360 --> 00:03:10.120 align:middle line:84% of our respective white schoolmate cliques. 00:03:10.120 --> 00:03:13.090 align:middle line:84% The Black boy, always chosen first for any sort of sport, 00:03:13.090 --> 00:03:16.720 align:middle line:84% basketball in particular, was called Muggsy Bogues, as if 00:03:16.720 --> 00:03:19.720 align:middle line:84% anyone remembered the shortest player in NBA history. 00:03:19.720 --> 00:03:22.300 align:middle line:84% And two Mexican girls, both first named V, 00:03:22.300 --> 00:03:25.030 align:middle line:84% were dubbed diseased whores by the cavalier white boys 00:03:25.030 --> 00:03:28.300 align:middle line:84% who cornered them into kissing and exploratory touching. 00:03:28.300 --> 00:03:31.540 align:middle line:84% And no one knew what to make of the Mexican-Japanese boy, whom 00:03:31.540 --> 00:03:33.310 align:middle line:90% everyone called Taco Sushi. 00:03:33.310 --> 00:03:35.320 align:middle line:84% So he was ignored, which turned him 00:03:35.320 --> 00:03:38.200 align:middle line:84% into a pariah and bully who focused his attacks on each 00:03:38.200 --> 00:03:40.240 align:middle line:90% of us more than once. 00:03:40.240 --> 00:03:42.370 align:middle line:84% I don't imagine he made it very far in life, 00:03:42.370 --> 00:03:44.980 align:middle line:84% or has entered law enforcement, maybe taking 00:03:44.980 --> 00:03:47.590 align:middle line:90% a menial position in politics. 00:03:47.590 --> 00:03:51.190 align:middle line:84% As for me, I was the wild Indian, the redskin savage, 00:03:51.190 --> 00:03:54.220 align:middle line:84% the other, the enemy, the target for rocks and gang ups, where 00:03:54.220 --> 00:03:58.150 align:middle line:84% I was tied to a tree and burned with imaginary fire 00:03:58.150 --> 00:04:00.970 align:middle line:84% amid cupped hand whooping, hands shaped into guns, 00:04:00.970 --> 00:04:04.700 align:middle line:84% barrel fingers pointed silently at the sky. 00:04:04.700 --> 00:04:06.130 align:middle line:90% This was the town-- 00:04:06.130 --> 00:04:08.470 align:middle line:84% a simulacrum of childish imagination and a 00:04:08.470 --> 00:04:13.030 align:middle line:84% lie good enough to be mistaken for destiny. 00:04:13.030 --> 00:04:14.890 align:middle line:84% At the helm of this fourth grade massacre 00:04:14.890 --> 00:04:18.399 align:middle line:84% was Ms. Reinholdt, an older woman with skin like porcelain, 00:04:18.399 --> 00:04:20.589 align:middle line:84% who I suspected was a runaway nun. 00:04:20.589 --> 00:04:24.340 align:middle line:84% Her long pleated plaid skirts and dark billowy blouses 00:04:24.340 --> 00:04:26.500 align:middle line:84% cinched at the neck reminded me of the teachers 00:04:26.500 --> 00:04:28.300 align:middle line:84% back on the rez, who were all nuns. 00:04:28.300 --> 00:04:30.970 align:middle line:84% She stalked across the front of the classroom between our rows 00:04:30.970 --> 00:04:33.790 align:middle line:84% of desks with her chin held high, eyes darting 00:04:33.790 --> 00:04:35.290 align:middle line:90% from student to student. 00:04:35.290 --> 00:04:37.450 align:middle line:84% Her gray hair tied tightly into a bun 00:04:37.450 --> 00:04:39.250 align:middle line:90% had the sheen of gunmetal. 00:04:39.250 --> 00:04:41.710 align:middle line:84% She maintained a tone of authority sharpened 00:04:41.710 --> 00:04:45.010 align:middle line:84% with quick "sits" or "quiets," though not one of us 00:04:45.010 --> 00:04:48.160 align:middle line:84% was ever punished or made to feel inferior. 00:04:48.160 --> 00:04:50.110 align:middle line:84% Instead we were assigned books to read, 00:04:50.110 --> 00:04:52.630 align:middle line:84% along with short written responses for infractions 00:04:52.630 --> 00:04:54.310 align:middle line:84% committed against the school policies 00:04:54.310 --> 00:04:57.820 align:middle line:90% as interpreted by Ms. Reinholdt. 00:04:57.820 --> 00:04:59.920 align:middle line:84% Such infractions might include whispering, 00:04:59.920 --> 00:05:03.100 align:middle line:84% which burned God's ears, or dawdling, which gave Satan 00:05:03.100 --> 00:05:04.930 align:middle line:90% the opportunity for influence. 00:05:04.930 --> 00:05:09.610 align:middle line:84% So we must move, sit, or stand with purpose, with intention. 00:05:09.610 --> 00:05:11.230 align:middle line:84% For the infraction of melancholy, 00:05:11.230 --> 00:05:13.990 align:middle line:84% which amounted to a disregard for imagination, having 00:05:13.990 --> 00:05:16.000 align:middle line:84% rebelled against participating in small group 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:18.940 align:middle line:84% activities for a week, I was assigned Chitty Chitty Bang 00:05:18.940 --> 00:05:21.640 align:middle line:90% Bang." 00:05:21.640 --> 00:05:22.270 align:middle line:90% This is true. 00:05:22.270 --> 00:05:26.200 align:middle line:84% It was part true-- the only true part. 00:05:26.200 --> 00:05:28.810 align:middle line:84% "The lettering pressed into the spine still iridescent. 00:05:28.810 --> 00:05:31.390 align:middle line:84% I wrote about the car's large engine and horsepower, how 00:05:31.390 --> 00:05:34.300 align:middle line:84% its four-seat touring design made it comfortable enough 00:05:34.300 --> 00:05:36.250 align:middle line:84% to potentially sleep in and how its ability 00:05:36.250 --> 00:05:38.740 align:middle line:84% to transform into a hovercraft or airplane 00:05:38.740 --> 00:05:40.900 align:middle line:84% made it the ideal getaway car, which 00:05:40.900 --> 00:05:44.050 align:middle line:84% afforded me the imagination to envision a world beyond the one 00:05:44.050 --> 00:05:44.860 align:middle line:90% I lived in. 00:05:44.860 --> 00:05:47.590 align:middle line:84% Places in the book like England or France, 00:05:47.590 --> 00:05:49.870 align:middle line:84% place names without any shape or detail 00:05:49.870 --> 00:05:52.480 align:middle line:90% in my young naive perception. 00:05:52.480 --> 00:05:53.920 align:middle line:84% She collected my work and read it 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:55.960 align:middle line:84% standing there next to my desk, ignoring 00:05:55.960 --> 00:05:58.330 align:middle line:84% for once the whispering of the white boys 00:05:58.330 --> 00:06:01.360 align:middle line:84% at the front of the class whose commentary increased in volume 00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:03.400 align:middle line:84% and pace, and so Ms. Reinholdt removed 00:06:03.400 --> 00:06:06.820 align:middle line:84% a red pen from her skirt pocket, and with a couple of flicks 00:06:06.820 --> 00:06:10.180 align:middle line:84% of her wrist added three check marks and three plus signs. 00:06:10.180 --> 00:06:12.250 align:middle line:84% Dream as big as you can, she said. 00:06:12.250 --> 00:06:14.260 align:middle line:84% Far beyond this place, and allow books 00:06:14.260 --> 00:06:16.463 align:middle line:90% to guide your imagination. 00:06:16.463 --> 00:06:18.130 align:middle line:84% At the end of that miserable year, which 00:06:18.130 --> 00:06:20.410 align:middle line:84% was to be followed by many more, the growing urge 00:06:20.410 --> 00:06:22.420 align:middle line:84% had been planted in me to get off that mountain 00:06:22.420 --> 00:06:26.560 align:middle line:84% and never return, to exile myself further in hope 00:06:26.560 --> 00:06:29.050 align:middle line:84% that it might bring about the possibility of happiness 00:06:29.050 --> 00:06:31.840 align:middle line:90% or something close to it. 00:06:31.840 --> 00:06:33.730 align:middle line:84% Sometime before my 13th birthday, 00:06:33.730 --> 00:06:36.640 align:middle line:84% my parents separated without any legal formality. 00:06:36.640 --> 00:06:39.610 align:middle line:84% Just announced their split in the opaline blue Peugeot 00:06:39.610 --> 00:06:43.300 align:middle line:84% coupe that was in constant threat of being repossessed. 00:06:43.300 --> 00:06:45.130 align:middle line:84% We were on our way home from a restaurant, 00:06:45.130 --> 00:06:47.920 align:middle line:84% where we'd eaten quietly, silent fogs and a fog 00:06:47.920 --> 00:06:49.720 align:middle line:90% covered archipelago. 00:06:49.720 --> 00:06:51.610 align:middle line:84% My mother sat in the passenger seat, 00:06:51.610 --> 00:06:54.700 align:middle line:84% staring out the window as if a missile or comet were 00:06:54.700 --> 00:06:57.430 align:middle line:84% coming down at us from the endless sky. 00:06:57.430 --> 00:06:59.020 align:middle line:84% 'I'm done with all this,' she said, 00:06:59.020 --> 00:07:01.120 align:middle line:90% palm pressed against the glass. 00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:03.910 align:middle line:84% Young and beautiful, her well-kept perm a black crown 00:07:03.910 --> 00:07:06.100 align:middle line:84% on her head-- she was a quintessence of the Naakai 00:07:06.100 --> 00:07:10.150 align:middle line:84% Dine'é clan, hot-tempered, passionate, and whimsical. 00:07:10.150 --> 00:07:12.940 align:middle line:84% The glossiness of her chocolate brown eyes inspired trust 00:07:12.940 --> 00:07:15.910 align:middle line:84% and a bit of curiosity in any person she met. 00:07:15.910 --> 00:07:17.470 align:middle line:84% It was her attention and affection 00:07:17.470 --> 00:07:20.440 align:middle line:84% I often sought and was denied, not because she didn't love me, 00:07:20.440 --> 00:07:23.650 align:middle line:84% but because she knew our lives together would come to an end. 00:07:23.650 --> 00:07:25.270 align:middle line:84% She would move south and eventually 00:07:25.270 --> 00:07:27.250 align:middle line:90% disappear altogether. 00:07:27.250 --> 00:07:29.710 align:middle line:84% Janelle Manygoats just another name I'd say. 00:07:29.710 --> 00:07:32.560 align:middle line:90% An innocuous meaningless name. 00:07:32.560 --> 00:07:35.050 align:middle line:84% 'It's been like that for a while now,' replied my father. 00:07:35.050 --> 00:07:37.330 align:middle line:84% 'A long time coming if you ask me.' 00:07:37.330 --> 00:07:38.980 align:middle line:84% He gazed at the road ahead, perhaps 00:07:38.980 --> 00:07:41.140 align:middle line:84% seeing endless possibilities, being 00:07:41.140 --> 00:07:44.140 align:middle line:84% a reluctant and ineffectual parent, a philanderer who 00:07:44.140 --> 00:07:45.880 align:middle line:84% would take up with another woman, 00:07:45.880 --> 00:07:47.740 align:middle line:84% a singer of country songs in the bars 00:07:47.740 --> 00:07:49.850 align:middle line:90% and nightclubs of Albuquerque. 00:07:49.850 --> 00:07:52.030 align:middle line:84% He dressed like a clothing catalog cowboy, 00:07:52.030 --> 00:07:55.090 align:middle line:84% ready to ride off into the sunset on the back of almost 00:07:55.090 --> 00:07:57.610 align:middle line:90% any creature he came across. 00:07:57.610 --> 00:08:01.600 align:middle line:84% Clifton Francisco, bastard son of a Spaniard priest. 00:08:01.600 --> 00:08:03.370 align:middle line:84% His mother of the Ta'neeszani clan, 00:08:03.370 --> 00:08:05.590 align:middle line:84% which means 'tangled clan,' I'm told. 00:08:05.590 --> 00:08:07.150 align:middle line:90% And tangled he was-- 00:08:07.150 --> 00:08:10.280 align:middle line:84% a spineless tumbleweed adrift in the wind. 00:08:10.280 --> 00:08:12.110 align:middle line:84% Once we were home, my mother told 00:08:12.110 --> 00:08:14.390 align:middle line:84% me to pack my things, which wasn't much-- 00:08:14.390 --> 00:08:17.300 align:middle line:84% a mattress, a gym bag for my clothes and shoes, 00:08:17.300 --> 00:08:20.480 align:middle line:84% some toys I rarely played with, and my stack of small books 00:08:20.480 --> 00:08:22.400 align:middle line:90% from the school library. 00:08:22.400 --> 00:08:24.770 align:middle line:84% When we left the reservation, all our belongings 00:08:24.770 --> 00:08:27.380 align:middle line:84% had fit into the old GMC pickup we owned then. 00:08:27.380 --> 00:08:29.240 align:middle line:84% And packing up on that day, it felt 00:08:29.240 --> 00:08:31.520 align:middle line:90% similar to how it felt today. 00:08:31.520 --> 00:08:34.730 align:middle line:84% We'd always been transient, ready to flee or move 00:08:34.730 --> 00:08:36.799 align:middle line:90% at a moment's notice. 00:08:36.799 --> 00:08:40.039 align:middle line:84% And I've always kicked myself for not somehow noticing 00:08:40.039 --> 00:08:42.299 align:middle line:90% my lack of care and stability. 00:08:42.299 --> 00:08:44.630 align:middle line:84% 'This isn't happening because we don't love you anymore 00:08:44.630 --> 00:08:47.540 align:middle line:84% or anything,' mom said, helping me pack. 00:08:47.540 --> 00:08:50.090 align:middle line:84% 'We must correct what's not been right.' 00:08:50.090 --> 00:08:51.020 align:middle line:90% 'OK,' I said. 00:08:51.020 --> 00:08:54.780 align:middle line:90% 00:08:54.780 --> 00:08:57.600 align:middle line:84% I went to live with my cousin, who in her early 20s 00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:00.030 align:middle line:84% was pursuing a master's degree in mathematics 00:09:00.030 --> 00:09:02.340 align:middle line:84% and teaching as a graduate assistant at the state 00:09:02.340 --> 00:09:04.410 align:middle line:90% university in Flagstaff. 00:09:04.410 --> 00:09:06.390 align:middle line:84% Her responsible nature was due in part 00:09:06.390 --> 00:09:08.100 align:middle line:84% to our strict and thrifty grandmother, 00:09:08.100 --> 00:09:11.010 align:middle line:84% who had raised her while her parents vanished 00:09:11.010 --> 00:09:14.130 align:middle line:84% into their depression and the poison of its alleviation. 00:09:14.130 --> 00:09:16.530 align:middle line:84% I was her, in a sense, her fondness not 00:09:16.530 --> 00:09:18.640 align:middle line:90% at all veiled for me. 00:09:18.640 --> 00:09:20.910 align:middle line:84% She had just purchased a newly built condo 00:09:20.910 --> 00:09:22.920 align:middle line:84% in a blighted neighborhood, and that 00:09:22.920 --> 00:09:25.140 align:middle line:84% was within walking distance of my junior high. 00:09:25.140 --> 00:09:27.210 align:middle line:84% And her ads for a roommate had come to nothing, 00:09:27.210 --> 00:09:29.130 align:middle line:90% so I filled the vacancy. 00:09:29.130 --> 00:09:32.580 align:middle line:84% Based on her experience with her own parents, 00:09:32.580 --> 00:09:34.680 align:middle line:84% she made an arrangement with my mother and father 00:09:34.680 --> 00:09:38.850 align:middle line:84% that entailed a monthly allowance of 150 each, 00:09:38.850 --> 00:09:41.033 align:middle line:84% with the stipulation that if they missed or denied 00:09:41.033 --> 00:09:42.450 align:middle line:84% me these monthly payments, I would 00:09:42.450 --> 00:09:45.090 align:middle line:84% go to the authorities, maybe the school counselor, 00:09:45.090 --> 00:09:47.460 align:middle line:84% with a story of neglect and abandonment, 00:09:47.460 --> 00:09:49.410 align:middle line:84% which wouldn't be so far fetched, so 00:09:49.410 --> 00:09:52.290 align:middle line:84% beyond the stereotypical situation of young minority 00:09:52.290 --> 00:09:55.680 align:middle line:84% parents ill-suited for heavy responsibility. 00:09:55.680 --> 00:09:58.290 align:middle line:84% In this way, I was beginning to understand 00:09:58.290 --> 00:10:01.320 align:middle line:84% how to pit expectation against the potential for profit. 00:10:01.320 --> 00:10:04.510 align:middle line:84% And in this way, I was truly assimilated. 00:10:04.510 --> 00:10:07.480 align:middle line:84% Father puffed out his chest, a bottom rung rooster. 00:10:07.480 --> 00:10:12.100 align:middle line:84% 'We will renegotiate these payments,' he said. 00:10:12.100 --> 00:10:16.990 align:middle line:84% 'When you turn 16, see if you're in need of money then too.' 00:10:16.990 --> 00:10:19.450 align:middle line:84% Mother with her impeccable posture 00:10:19.450 --> 00:10:21.970 align:middle line:84% sat in a chair pursing her red stained lips, 00:10:21.970 --> 00:10:26.200 align:middle line:84% and she said, 'When you're 18, hopefully grown into a man 00:10:26.200 --> 00:10:29.170 align:middle line:84% by then, the payments will stop." 00:10:29.170 --> 00:10:31.600 align:middle line:84% For a year, the payments arrived on time, then 00:10:31.600 --> 00:10:34.540 align:middle line:84% every other month, until they didn't arrive at all. 00:10:34.540 --> 00:10:38.365 align:middle line:84% My parents, eaten up by their lives and the ravenous world." 00:10:38.365 --> 00:10:45.250 align:middle line:90% 00:10:45.250 --> 00:10:49.120 align:middle line:90% So he's abandoned-- poor guy. 00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:51.305 align:middle line:90% Meets a crew of girls. 00:10:51.305 --> 00:10:52.930 align:middle line:84% His cousin's friends-- they're all kind 00:10:52.930 --> 00:10:59.670 align:middle line:84% of rowdy and blasphemous, like, you know, good rez people are. 00:10:59.670 --> 00:11:02.340 align:middle line:90% 00:11:02.340 --> 00:11:07.080 align:middle line:84% So he becomes a chauffeur when he's 13, and eventually 00:11:07.080 --> 00:11:11.850 align:middle line:84% a drug mule, like any good chauffeur would be. 00:11:11.850 --> 00:11:14.400 align:middle line:84% "My first chauffeuring gig went smoothly. 00:11:14.400 --> 00:11:15.900 align:middle line:90% My cousin rode shotgun. 00:11:15.900 --> 00:11:18.458 align:middle line:84% The sisters bent in the back seat with Birdy sitting bitch. 00:11:18.458 --> 00:11:20.250 align:middle line:84% That's what they called it-- sitting bitch. 00:11:20.250 --> 00:11:22.290 align:middle line:90% For what reason, I never knew. 00:11:22.290 --> 00:11:25.440 align:middle line:84% Pre-gamed and ready with elated carefree buzz. 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:27.630 align:middle line:84% They shit-talked rivals whom I'd never met and knew 00:11:27.630 --> 00:11:31.620 align:middle line:84% nothing about, the details of which engrossed me. 00:11:31.620 --> 00:11:33.580 align:middle line:84% 'That skank snagged out this bull rider 00:11:33.580 --> 00:11:35.220 align:middle line:84% with a big ass cold sore on his lip 00:11:35.220 --> 00:11:37.140 align:middle line:84% and then went and passed it on to her man. 00:11:37.140 --> 00:11:38.640 align:middle line:90% She didn't even give a fuck.' 00:11:38.640 --> 00:11:41.760 align:middle line:84% Or, 'I'll tell you what, if we see those hoe-bags, 00:11:41.760 --> 00:11:42.600 align:middle line:90% I'm down to scrap. 00:11:42.600 --> 00:11:43.860 align:middle line:90% Take off these hoops. 00:11:43.860 --> 00:11:45.690 align:middle line:84% I don't care if I fuck up my nails. 00:11:45.690 --> 00:11:49.650 align:middle line:84% Stoodis.' Rugged and rezed out, their infectious laughter 00:11:49.650 --> 00:11:52.530 align:middle line:84% and swagger, not giving one fuck whom they offended. 00:11:52.530 --> 00:11:54.150 align:middle line:90% This was something I wanted-- 00:11:54.150 --> 00:11:58.530 align:middle line:84% camaraderie and confidence, disregard, happiness. 00:11:58.530 --> 00:12:01.000 align:middle line:90% It couldn't be real. 00:12:01.000 --> 00:12:03.700 align:middle line:84% I dropped him off a block from the main downtown drag, 00:12:03.700 --> 00:12:06.220 align:middle line:84% around 10:00, when all the bars started hopping and everyone 00:12:06.220 --> 00:12:10.330 align:middle line:84% felt sexier and tougher, the air thick with big dick energy, 00:12:10.330 --> 00:12:13.450 align:middle line:84% as the girls called it, and returned 10 minutes after 2:00 00:12:13.450 --> 00:12:17.320 align:middle line:84% AM, parking in the shadows of a parking lot, alley, or street. 00:12:17.320 --> 00:12:19.090 align:middle line:84% Sometimes one or two of them found 00:12:19.090 --> 00:12:22.450 align:middle line:84% other ways of getting home or getting to someone else's home. 00:12:22.450 --> 00:12:25.150 align:middle line:84% Other times one or two people I didn't know piled in, 00:12:25.150 --> 00:12:26.800 align:middle line:84% and I hurried across town to be rid 00:12:26.800 --> 00:12:28.870 align:middle line:90% of the commotion and weight. 00:12:28.870 --> 00:12:31.150 align:middle line:84% A few nights, my cousin appeared alone, 00:12:31.150 --> 00:12:34.390 align:middle line:84% her eyes furious as if she'd been crying, 00:12:34.390 --> 00:12:38.410 align:middle line:84% her fists clenched and red with fighting. 00:12:38.410 --> 00:12:42.170 align:middle line:84% Two nights, no one showed up at all, though when I got home, 00:12:42.170 --> 00:12:45.340 align:middle line:84% my cousin was there, asleep, behind her locked door. 00:12:45.340 --> 00:12:49.475 align:middle line:84% And one time, a man I'd never met came to meet me." 00:12:49.475 --> 00:12:51.100 align:middle line:84% You can finish it at home for homework. 00:12:51.100 --> 00:12:51.600 align:middle line:90% Thanks. 00:12:51.600 --> 00:12:52.600 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:12:52.600 --> 00:12:55.950 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:12:55.950 --> 00:13:00.000 align:middle line:90%