WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.350 align:middle line:84% I forgot about all those intro pages. 00:00:02.350 --> 00:00:03.330 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:03.330 --> 00:00:04.690 align:middle line:90% Here we are. 00:00:04.690 --> 00:00:06.450 align:middle line:90% And Q-- Including the QR code. 00:00:06.450 --> 00:00:07.310 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:00:07.310 --> 00:00:08.600 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:08.600 --> 00:00:09.460 align:middle line:90% 00:00:09.460 --> 00:00:15.715 align:middle line:84% "Speculation-- the faculty or power of seeing, vision. 00:00:15.715 --> 00:00:21.810 align:middle line:90% 00:00:21.810 --> 00:00:24.210 align:middle line:90% TV-- static TV. 00:00:24.210 --> 00:00:29.310 align:middle line:84% St-- st-- static TV, st-- static TV, static body, static body, 00:00:29.310 --> 00:00:34.680 align:middle line:84% static TV, st-- static TV, static sound, moving sound, 00:00:34.680 --> 00:00:36.690 align:middle line:90% moving no sound. 00:00:36.690 --> 00:00:40.485 align:middle line:84% TV, static body, moving no sound. 00:00:40.485 --> 00:00:44.100 align:middle line:90% 00:00:44.100 --> 00:00:49.530 align:middle line:84% There is a dream in which I turn off the news, 00:00:49.530 --> 00:00:52.110 align:middle line:90% yet it follows me. 00:00:52.110 --> 00:00:56.520 align:middle line:84% Through family, lovers, people on the street. 00:00:56.520 --> 00:00:59.400 align:middle line:84% By way of the telephone, the radio, 00:00:59.400 --> 00:01:02.520 align:middle line:84% even the blank screen on the television. 00:01:02.520 --> 00:01:06.600 align:middle line:84% In a song, in a photograph, in the mirror-- 00:01:06.600 --> 00:01:10.200 align:middle line:84% that's where I see it the most, in the image staring 00:01:10.200 --> 00:01:12.150 align:middle line:90% right back at me. 00:01:12.150 --> 00:01:16.110 align:middle line:84% It is then, looking into the glass at my own reflection, 00:01:16.110 --> 00:01:19.290 align:middle line:84% that I begin to see myself everywhere. 00:01:19.290 --> 00:01:23.280 align:middle line:84% In store windows, in displays at the mall, in car mirrors. 00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:26.670 align:middle line:84% I bend down, when passing by a vehicle on the street, 00:01:26.670 --> 00:01:28.500 align:middle line:90% just to take a look-- 00:01:28.500 --> 00:01:30.000 align:middle line:90% a kind of checking in-- 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:35.760 align:middle line:84% as if to say, yes, that is me walking by. 00:01:35.760 --> 00:01:38.280 align:middle line:90% I am not dead yet. 00:01:38.280 --> 00:01:40.750 align:middle line:84% Another Black man is killed by the police. 00:01:40.750 --> 00:01:42.810 align:middle line:90% I turn off the TV. 00:01:42.810 --> 00:01:48.420 align:middle line:90% I say, I am not dead yet. 00:01:48.420 --> 00:01:50.580 align:middle line:90% Sandra is found in her cell. 00:01:50.580 --> 00:01:52.180 align:middle line:90% I log off the internet. 00:01:52.180 --> 00:01:56.010 align:middle line:90% I say, I am not dead yet. 00:01:56.010 --> 00:01:59.850 align:middle line:84% A child is shot right in front of my house. 00:01:59.850 --> 00:02:03.600 align:middle line:84% I go to sleep shortly after the paramedics arrive, cradle 00:02:03.600 --> 00:02:07.080 align:middle line:84% my head into the soft pillow, and wake 00:02:07.080 --> 00:02:09.669 align:middle line:90% in a pool of my own water. 00:02:09.669 --> 00:02:15.230 align:middle line:90% I say, I am not dead yet. 00:02:15.230 --> 00:02:17.630 align:middle line:90% But it's something like blood. 00:02:17.630 --> 00:02:19.190 align:middle line:90% And I can still hear the sound. 00:02:19.190 --> 00:02:20.540 align:middle line:90% He's dead! 00:02:20.540 --> 00:02:21.980 align:middle line:90% He's dead. 00:02:21.980 --> 00:02:24.770 align:middle line:90% They were all dead. 00:02:24.770 --> 00:02:27.970 align:middle line:90% But I was not dead yet. 00:02:27.970 --> 00:02:29.980 align:middle line:90% People were dying. 00:02:29.980 --> 00:02:31.015 align:middle line:90% And I was alive. 00:02:31.015 --> 00:02:39.529 align:middle line:90% 00:02:39.529 --> 00:02:45.600 align:middle line:84% Was that-- was that you on the news? 00:02:45.600 --> 00:02:47.780 align:middle line:90% Was that you? 00:02:47.780 --> 00:02:49.385 align:middle line:90% Was that you on the news? 00:02:49.385 --> 00:02:55.480 align:middle line:90% 00:02:55.480 --> 00:03:00.910 align:middle line:84% At a high frequency of sound, there is distortion. 00:03:00.910 --> 00:03:05.120 align:middle line:90% She calls me by my first name. 00:03:05.120 --> 00:03:09.650 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, there is no bullet, no sharp object 00:03:09.650 --> 00:03:11.270 align:middle line:90% that travels through the skin. 00:03:11.270 --> 00:03:16.650 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, death is silence, cushioned into the bone. 00:03:16.650 --> 00:03:18.900 align:middle line:84% I watched the videos over and over. 00:03:18.900 --> 00:03:20.220 align:middle line:90% I read the newspaper. 00:03:20.220 --> 00:03:22.650 align:middle line:84% I sat in front of the TV for hours. 00:03:22.650 --> 00:03:25.830 align:middle line:84% For weeks, I did not close my eyes. 00:03:25.830 --> 00:03:28.350 align:middle line:84% Eric didn't scream as he was pushed to the ground. 00:03:28.350 --> 00:03:33.210 align:middle line:84% It was his body that said stop, said, take your hands off me; 00:03:33.210 --> 00:03:35.940 align:middle line:84% said, I do not belong to you; said, 00:03:35.940 --> 00:03:40.020 align:middle line:84% I can breathe, just not like this. 00:03:40.020 --> 00:03:42.870 align:middle line:84% At night, I sink into my bed and wake up pressed 00:03:42.870 --> 00:03:45.870 align:middle line:84% between my mattress and the floor. 00:03:45.870 --> 00:03:49.500 align:middle line:84% And even that touch starts to feel good. 00:03:49.500 --> 00:03:55.830 align:middle line:84% Sometimes, death is soft, sweet, like a lover, 00:03:55.830 --> 00:03:59.760 align:middle line:84% calls you by your first name, says, 00:03:59.760 --> 00:04:06.180 align:middle line:84% you can always come to me; says, I need you, you love me, 00:04:06.180 --> 00:04:10.780 align:middle line:84% I know you want to touch me, and you ain't never been this close 00:04:10.780 --> 00:04:11.280 align:middle line:90% before. 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:16.040 align:middle line:90% 00:04:16.040 --> 00:04:22.310 align:middle line:84% Body, static body, static body, static sound, on body static, 00:04:22.310 --> 00:04:27.740 align:middle line:84% body, static sound on body, static mirror, calling mirror, 00:04:27.740 --> 00:04:32.510 align:middle line:84% static mirror, calling body on mirror, s-- s-- static body, 00:04:32.510 --> 00:04:37.240 align:middle line:90% static sound on mirror, calling. 00:04:37.240 --> 00:04:38.000 align:middle line:90%