WEBVTT

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The last section of the book
contains quite a few poems

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that deal with illness
and with dealing

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with the regimen of a
controlling illness.

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I was diagnosed with multiple
sclerosis about 20 years

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ago or so, and have
been exceedingly lucky

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with my doctors and
with my medication.

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But there's always
that moment when

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life changes, all right, when
you know that it changes,

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and the first poem in
this section, which

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is called "Little Book of
Woe," is that moment when

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I got the final diagnosis.

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Soup.

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When the doctor said, "I've
got good news and bad news,"

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I thought of soup.

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How long it had
been since I had had

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the homemade kind, the real
deal, where you soak the beans

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overnight and everything
is apportioned in stages.

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First, the onions and
meat browned in oil.

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Then the broth added
for hours of simmering.

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All that saturated
glistening scent

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stoking the house with memories.

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The Jewish boy I kissed until
we both sank to our knees

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in the grass.

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My mother's frown as she
plucked weeds from my hair.

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Oh, my mother will
die from this.

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My mother, whose
soup is the best,

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even though it was
always over salted,

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because it was labored over.

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It was ladled out
unconditionally,

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tendered sweetly
without consequences,

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a nonjudicial love.

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And it was always soup I got
first thing in the sickbed.

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And there's the way tomatoes
are added at the last moment.

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But the minor vegetables,
peas, and corn,

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and tiny diced potatoes come
in 30 minutes before that.

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And how the spices, ah,
the spices, are to be

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doled out sparingly.

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Then waiting to see how strong
they'd become in the brew.

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Their hidden aptitudes
unlocked only by time

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in the heat of a
burbling melange.

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And the way my apron
always got stained,

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but I wouldn't wash it.

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Proud of the mess for once,
making mistakes, sloshing,

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and dripping.

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Yes, soup was what I wanted.

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Not news, but the slow courage
of the lentil as it softened,

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its heart splitting into wings.

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Not good cop, bad cop,
but the swift metallic

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smack of too much time
administered hastily,

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the kind of mistake
you never make again.

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Bread too.

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I wanted the whole
thick, crusty hump

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of it laid out for vivisection.

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Here is my body, eat.

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And lots of red wine that
always feels like it's

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squeezing my bones with lava.

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Here is my blood.

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And then the bad news came.

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Whoever listens to the good.

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And before I answered,
before the questions

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and the arched eyebrow of my
husband standing in the doorway

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could fall into pity and
helplessness, I thought, "Yes,

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I'll make a soup tonight,
a soup fit for the gods."

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