WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.035 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:00:01.035 --> 00:00:03.990 align:middle line:84%
I think she'll be happier,
maybe, with the novel

00:00:03.990 --> 00:00:07.500 align:middle line:84%
because she gets to be a
war hero, which she was,

00:00:07.500 --> 00:00:09.240 align:middle line:90%
which makes me very happy.

00:00:09.240 --> 00:00:11.700 align:middle line:90%
So it's a-coming.

00:00:11.700 --> 00:00:14.938 align:middle line:84%
This is a chapter, then, from
The House of Broken Angels.

00:00:14.938 --> 00:00:16.980 align:middle line:84%
And I mentioned to you
The House of Broken Angels

00:00:16.980 --> 00:00:18.210 align:middle line:90%
is based on real stuff.

00:00:18.210 --> 00:00:21.960 align:middle line:84%
If you haven't read it, it's
OK because we sold it to Hulu,

00:00:21.960 --> 00:00:24.630 align:middle line:90%
so watch it.

00:00:24.630 --> 00:00:25.680 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:00:25.680 --> 00:00:28.410 align:middle line:84%
That means-- yeah, thanks--
but Cindy can tell you,

00:00:28.410 --> 00:00:30.510 align:middle line:90%
it means nothing.

00:00:30.510 --> 00:00:31.500 align:middle line:90%
But they might make it.

00:00:31.500 --> 00:00:32.250 align:middle line:90%
You don't know.

00:00:32.250 --> 00:00:35.315 align:middle line:84%
But it was based on
my brother's funeral.

00:00:35.315 --> 00:00:37.440 align:middle line:84%
I know several of you've
heard this chapter before.

00:00:37.440 --> 00:00:38.070 align:middle line:90%
I apologize.

00:00:38.070 --> 00:00:39.945 align:middle line:84%
Like I said, I'm probably
going to retire it.

00:00:39.945 --> 00:00:42.250 align:middle line:90%
But it was a crazy thing.

00:00:42.250 --> 00:00:45.450 align:middle line:84%
It was the Mexican
Finnegans Wake.

00:00:45.450 --> 00:00:51.690 align:middle line:84%
My brother's mom-- not
my mother, but his mom--

00:00:51.690 --> 00:00:58.080 align:middle line:84%
died on a weekend,
like on a Friday,

00:00:58.080 --> 00:01:00.240 align:middle line:90%
and he was dying of cancer.

00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:02.400 align:middle line:90%
And he was going to have his--

00:01:02.400 --> 00:01:04.709 align:middle line:84%
the family decided
to give him a living

00:01:04.709 --> 00:01:07.590 align:middle line:84%
wake, a farewell party
for his birthday,

00:01:07.590 --> 00:01:08.730 align:middle line:90%
the following weekend.

00:01:08.730 --> 00:01:10.710 align:middle line:84%
And my brother was
so mad at his mom.

00:01:10.710 --> 00:01:12.660 align:middle line:84%
He was like, mom, you
ruined everything.

00:01:12.660 --> 00:01:13.980 align:middle line:90%
You died before my birthday.

00:01:13.980 --> 00:01:18.180 align:middle line:84%
So they had the funeral
for her on Saturday

00:01:18.180 --> 00:01:22.980 align:middle line:84%
and then his good-bye
wake on Sunday.

00:01:22.980 --> 00:01:24.600 align:middle line:84%
And we were there
for all of this.

00:01:24.600 --> 00:01:26.220 align:middle line:90%
And there is stuff in the book--

00:01:26.220 --> 00:01:29.010 align:middle line:84%
I'll just throw you out just an
example of the ridiculousness

00:01:29.010 --> 00:01:29.730 align:middle line:90%
in families.

00:01:29.730 --> 00:01:33.420 align:middle line:84%
I'm sure you have crazy
families, too, on some level.

00:01:33.420 --> 00:01:38.250 align:middle line:84%
One of my brothers has a
son who's in a rock band,

00:01:38.250 --> 00:01:42.080 align:middle line:90%
and he was at grandma's funeral.

00:01:42.080 --> 00:01:44.630 align:middle line:84%
And he caught my
brother, called him.

00:01:44.630 --> 00:01:46.560 align:middle line:90%
He said, oye, ven, ven pa' ca.

00:01:46.560 --> 00:01:47.060 align:middle line:90%
Carlos, ven.

00:01:47.060 --> 00:01:53.830 align:middle line:84%
So Carlos came up, and he
had hair sprayed sticking up.

00:01:53.830 --> 00:01:54.910 align:middle line:90%
And I said, hey, Carlos.

00:01:54.910 --> 00:01:55.900 align:middle line:90%
And my brother says--

00:01:55.900 --> 00:01:58.240 align:middle line:84%
and remember, this
is grandma's funeral.

00:01:58.240 --> 00:01:58.930 align:middle line:90%
The organs.

00:01:58.930 --> 00:02:01.510 align:middle line:90%
[IMITATES ORGAN MUSIC]

00:02:01.510 --> 00:02:06.280 align:middle line:84%
And my brother says, hey, Luis,
Carlos tiene un conjunto de

00:02:06.280 --> 00:02:07.930 align:middle line:90%
Rock and Roll.

00:02:07.930 --> 00:02:08.650 align:middle line:90%
I said, you do?

00:02:08.650 --> 00:02:11.020 align:middle line:90%
You got a-- yeah, tío, yeah.

00:02:11.020 --> 00:02:14.080 align:middle line:84%
And I said, what kind of
music do you guys play?

00:02:14.080 --> 00:02:17.740 align:middle line:84%
And he says, Norwegian
death metal, tío.

00:02:17.740 --> 00:02:21.065 align:middle line:90%
[LAUGHTER]

00:02:21.065 --> 00:02:23.610 align:middle line:90%


00:02:23.610 --> 00:02:24.910 align:middle line:90%
Border culture, right?

00:02:24.910 --> 00:02:28.990 align:middle line:84%
I said, wait a minute,
a bunch of Mexicans

00:02:28.990 --> 00:02:31.000 align:middle line:90%
playing Norwegian death metal?

00:02:31.000 --> 00:02:32.380 align:middle line:90%
He said, yeah, man.

00:02:32.380 --> 00:02:33.220 align:middle line:90%
Yeah.

00:02:33.220 --> 00:02:35.230 align:middle line:84%
And I said to him,
what do you play?

00:02:35.230 --> 00:02:38.500 align:middle line:84%
He says, I'm the
lead singer, man.

00:02:38.500 --> 00:02:43.410 align:middle line:84%
And I stupidly said,
you're the lead singer?

00:02:43.410 --> 00:02:46.660 align:middle line:84%
Do you do that Norwegian
demon voice they do?

00:02:46.660 --> 00:02:49.750 align:middle line:90%
And he goes, extreme!

00:02:49.750 --> 00:02:50.670 align:middle line:90%
Like this.

00:02:50.670 --> 00:02:53.490 align:middle line:90%
In the middle of the funeral.

00:02:53.490 --> 00:02:58.740 align:middle line:84%
And my poor brother's like,
ay, mijo, shhh, it's OK.

00:02:58.740 --> 00:02:59.550 align:middle line:90%
It was like that.

00:02:59.550 --> 00:03:03.810 align:middle line:84%
I knew we were in for
a heck of a weekend.

00:03:03.810 --> 00:03:08.460 align:middle line:84%
And so the whole novel
came from my brother,

00:03:08.460 --> 00:03:10.830 align:middle line:84%
who was not
demonstrative, asking

00:03:10.830 --> 00:03:13.890 align:middle line:84%
me to come get in bed with
him because he was very ill.

00:03:13.890 --> 00:03:16.170 align:middle line:90%
He died that next week.

00:03:16.170 --> 00:03:18.360 align:middle line:84%
And I did, and we spent
this day together.

00:03:18.360 --> 00:03:23.250 align:middle line:84%
And we were remembering
past things.

00:03:23.250 --> 00:03:26.415 align:middle line:84%
And back in the day,
I was always on tour.

00:03:26.415 --> 00:03:27.540 align:middle line:90%
I used to joke with Cindy--

00:03:27.540 --> 00:03:30.030 align:middle line:84%
I felt like the literary
Bachman-Turner Overdrive

00:03:30.030 --> 00:03:33.300 align:middle line:84%
going from bowling
alley to bowling alley.

00:03:33.300 --> 00:03:34.440 align:middle line:90%
And I had to leave.

00:03:34.440 --> 00:03:37.410 align:middle line:84%
And I got to Dallas,
and he had died.

00:03:37.410 --> 00:03:39.000 align:middle line:84%
And I had to go
home and bury him.

00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:41.130 align:middle line:84%
But anyway, we were
remembering this little story

00:03:41.130 --> 00:03:42.330 align:middle line:90%
about my grandma.

00:03:42.330 --> 00:03:44.460 align:middle line:84%
And so I turned
it into a chapter

00:03:44.460 --> 00:03:46.500 align:middle line:84%
that came just when
you needed some laughs.

00:03:46.500 --> 00:03:48.030 align:middle line:84%
I'm going to do a little
shorter version because I don't

00:03:48.030 --> 00:03:49.770 align:middle line:84%
want to go over
time because I'll

00:03:49.770 --> 00:03:51.630 align:middle line:90%
get in trouble with the staff.

00:03:51.630 --> 00:03:53.250 align:middle line:90%
¿Oh, no?

00:03:53.250 --> 00:03:55.800 align:middle line:90%
Let me take my jacket off then.

00:03:55.800 --> 00:04:02.310 align:middle line:84%
So it's a chapter
called Parrots and--

00:04:02.310 --> 00:04:03.480 align:middle line:90%
I see, people have heard it.

00:04:03.480 --> 00:04:07.020 align:middle line:90%
I'm sorry, I'm an idiot.

00:04:07.020 --> 00:04:09.570 align:middle line:84%
And it's based on
some misbehavior

00:04:09.570 --> 00:04:13.050 align:middle line:84%
of my grandmother's which will
come clear during the story.

00:04:13.050 --> 00:04:16.260 align:middle line:84%
And it's a story about the
two brothers named Angel.

00:04:16.260 --> 00:04:18.899 align:middle line:84%
There's Big Angel and
Little Angel, half-brothers.

00:04:18.899 --> 00:04:21.420 align:middle line:84%
And they have the same
name because their dad

00:04:21.420 --> 00:04:25.630 align:middle line:84%
forgot he'd used it once,
which is actually true.

00:04:25.630 --> 00:04:28.350 align:middle line:84%
My older brother's name
is Luis, and I'm Luis,

00:04:28.350 --> 00:04:30.870 align:middle line:84%
and he had to go by his--
so he's known as Octavio

00:04:30.870 --> 00:04:34.470 align:middle line:90%
because I was Luis.

00:04:34.470 --> 00:04:35.970 align:middle line:90%
Player dads.

00:04:35.970 --> 00:04:38.760 align:middle line:90%
So this is the story.

00:04:38.760 --> 00:04:42.150 align:middle line:84%
So Little Angel is
in his new house,

00:04:42.150 --> 00:04:44.250 align:middle line:84%
Big Angel has the
family in Tijuana.

00:04:44.250 --> 00:04:46.240 align:middle line:90%
He's just gotten his green card.

00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:48.900 align:middle line:84%
He's come to the United States
thinking he's on easy street

00:04:48.900 --> 00:04:52.170 align:middle line:84%
and realizes that y'all
gringos work way too hard.

00:04:52.170 --> 00:04:54.690 align:middle line:84%
He's exhausted and
cranky all the time.

00:04:54.690 --> 00:04:56.400 align:middle line:90%
There's no rest for him.

00:04:56.400 --> 00:04:59.790 align:middle line:84%
And he has a car,
an old Rambler.

00:04:59.790 --> 00:05:05.160 align:middle line:84%
And every week, papa sends
him to go pick up his mother

00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:06.750 align:middle line:90%
in Tijuana and bring him back.

00:05:06.750 --> 00:05:09.840 align:middle line:84%
And he sends Little
Angel with his brother

00:05:09.840 --> 00:05:11.520 align:middle line:90%
so he can become more Mexican.

00:05:11.520 --> 00:05:14.370 align:middle line:84%
Give him a little dose
of Mexicano, come on.

00:05:14.370 --> 00:05:17.220 align:middle line:84%
So Big Angel doesn't
appreciate that.

00:05:17.220 --> 00:05:19.093 align:middle line:84%
So they've driven to
Tijuana, and I'll just

00:05:19.093 --> 00:05:20.760 align:middle line:84%
pick up where they
pull up to the house.

00:05:20.760 --> 00:05:22.350 align:middle line:84%
It's based on my
grandma's house where

00:05:22.350 --> 00:05:27.930 align:middle line:84%
I spent my boyhood, on Rampa
Independencia in Tijuana.

00:05:27.930 --> 00:05:31.050 align:middle line:84%
They pulled up the Rambler
to the yellow house

00:05:31.050 --> 00:05:33.570 align:middle line:90%
on the side of the hill.

00:05:33.570 --> 00:05:37.200 align:middle line:84%
Big Angel was exhausted,
chain smoking, he got out,

00:05:37.200 --> 00:05:38.610 align:middle line:90%
he was in no mood for anything.

00:05:38.610 --> 00:05:42.090 align:middle line:84%
Little Angel was in the
backseat with his MAD magazines,

00:05:42.090 --> 00:05:43.830 align:middle line:90%
and he climbed out.

00:05:43.830 --> 00:05:46.500 align:middle line:84%
The big yellow wall was
in front of the house.

00:05:46.500 --> 00:05:50.490 align:middle line:84%
And stuck in the top of the
cement wall, Mexican style,

00:05:50.490 --> 00:05:53.550 align:middle line:84%
were shattered Pepsi-Cola
and beer bottles embedded

00:05:53.550 --> 00:05:57.750 align:middle line:84%
in the cement so that if any
bad guy snuck in to try to steal

00:05:57.750 --> 00:06:01.500 align:middle line:84%
mamá's underwear, they
would be lacerated.

00:06:01.500 --> 00:06:04.530 align:middle line:84%
The boys opened the gate,
went to the front door,

00:06:04.530 --> 00:06:05.910 align:middle line:90%
let themselves in.

00:06:05.910 --> 00:06:09.090 align:middle line:84%
They were in the living
room of the house.

00:06:09.090 --> 00:06:12.000 align:middle line:90%
There was no sign of mamá.

00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:15.120 align:middle line:84%
They knew she was probably
packing in her bedroom,

00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:16.650 align:middle line:90%
and they stood there.

00:06:16.650 --> 00:06:20.730 align:middle line:84%
In a corner, in a
wrought iron cage,

00:06:20.730 --> 00:06:25.950 align:middle line:84%
sat the famous parrot of
the De La Cruz family.

00:06:25.950 --> 00:06:28.860 align:middle line:84%
He was named
Periquito De La Cruz.

00:06:28.860 --> 00:06:33.060 align:middle line:84%
It was a green parrot who sat
in the cage all day, bored out

00:06:33.060 --> 00:06:35.890 align:middle line:84%
of his mind, though they
had put in a mirror,

00:06:35.890 --> 00:06:39.750 align:middle line:84%
and he had discovered the
invading parrot in the mirror.

00:06:39.750 --> 00:06:42.930 align:middle line:84%
And all day he would look at it,
and then he'd sidle over to it,

00:06:42.930 --> 00:06:46.350 align:middle line:84%
and he'd say, periquito,
periquito, periquito De La

00:06:46.350 --> 00:06:48.740 align:middle line:90%
Cruz!

00:06:48.740 --> 00:06:50.700 align:middle line:84%
And he'd strut back
to his normal spot

00:06:50.700 --> 00:06:52.380 align:middle line:90%
till he'd see it again.

00:06:52.380 --> 00:06:54.900 align:middle line:84%
And he'd go back and lay
the smack down on it.

00:06:54.900 --> 00:06:59.670 align:middle line:84%
Periquito, periquito,
periquito De La Cruz!

00:06:59.670 --> 00:07:04.740 align:middle line:84%
Mamá heard this ruckus, came
out, ahh, the parrot, she said.

00:07:04.740 --> 00:07:07.320 align:middle line:84%
She was dressed in
her finest clothes.

00:07:07.320 --> 00:07:09.360 align:middle line:84%
She had her little
red pocketbook

00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:12.060 align:middle line:84%
and her little shoulder
bag with her clothes.

00:07:12.060 --> 00:07:14.820 align:middle line:84%
Came out, and she
said, yes, mijo--

00:07:14.820 --> 00:07:16.590 align:middle line:90%
speaking to Big Angel--

00:07:16.590 --> 00:07:20.820 align:middle line:84%
I told you once before, we
could make a great negocio.

00:07:20.820 --> 00:07:26.220 align:middle line:84%
We could have a business selling
periquitos verdes in San Diego.

00:07:26.220 --> 00:07:29.100 align:middle line:84%
Those poor Mexicans
don't have green parrots,

00:07:29.100 --> 00:07:32.640 align:middle line:84%
and you can't be
mexicanos sin un perico.

00:07:32.640 --> 00:07:37.680 align:middle line:84%
He was like, a-má, I've told you
a million times you can't take

00:07:37.680 --> 00:07:39.210 align:middle line:90%
a parrot across the border.

00:07:39.210 --> 00:07:40.972 align:middle line:90%
It's illegal.

00:07:40.972 --> 00:07:41.856 align:middle line:90%
OK?

00:07:41.856 --> 00:07:42.740 align:middle line:90%
Dame la bolsa.

00:07:42.740 --> 00:07:43.940 align:middle line:90%
He took her bag.

00:07:43.940 --> 00:07:45.140 align:middle line:90%
He walked out.

00:07:45.140 --> 00:07:48.140 align:middle line:84%
Little Angel looked back
and forth, followed him out.

00:07:48.140 --> 00:07:52.370 align:middle line:84%
They should have listened when
mamá adjusted her little jacket

00:07:52.370 --> 00:07:55.550 align:middle line:90%
and said, we'll see.

00:07:55.550 --> 00:07:58.220 align:middle line:84%
They got in the car and
they started down the hill.

00:07:58.220 --> 00:08:00.830 align:middle line:84%
It was a rocky,
dirt-filled street.

00:08:00.830 --> 00:08:03.560 align:middle line:90%
He had to drive very carefully.

00:08:03.560 --> 00:08:07.220 align:middle line:84%
Little Angel in the back, mamá
in the front, and she said,

00:08:07.220 --> 00:08:11.780 align:middle line:84%
mijito, I want you to take me
to the fruit market before we go

00:08:11.780 --> 00:08:12.620 align:middle line:90%
to the border.

00:08:12.620 --> 00:08:18.710 align:middle line:84%
He said, ay, a-má, we're short
on time, no? ¿Vamos a ir?

00:08:18.710 --> 00:08:21.230 align:middle line:84%
A-má, you can't take
fruit across the border.

00:08:21.230 --> 00:08:23.600 align:middle line:90%
No me importa si puedes o si no.

00:08:23.600 --> 00:08:24.640 align:middle line:90%
Yo soy tu mamá.

00:08:24.640 --> 00:08:26.300 align:middle line:90%
Vas a hacer lo que te digo.

00:08:26.300 --> 00:08:27.470 align:middle line:90%
OK, OK.

00:08:27.470 --> 00:08:29.480 align:middle line:90%
We'll go.

00:08:29.480 --> 00:08:32.330 align:middle line:84%
So he, instead of turning
left and going to the border,

00:08:32.330 --> 00:08:34.970 align:middle line:84%
he turned right and he
went to the great fruit

00:08:34.970 --> 00:08:37.370 align:middle line:90%
market of Tijuana.

00:08:37.370 --> 00:08:41.630 align:middle line:84%
It's an ancient spot
surrounded by old buildings.

00:08:41.630 --> 00:08:45.380 align:middle line:84%
In the middle is an opening with
a parking lot full of beaten up

00:08:45.380 --> 00:08:51.290 align:middle line:84%
trucks, men carrying cebollas,
sugar cane, watermelons,

00:08:51.290 --> 00:08:55.670 align:middle line:84%
mangos, the blacktop
is shellacked, shiny,

00:08:55.670 --> 00:08:59.900 align:middle line:84%
with decades of pulp and juice
squeezed into the blacktop

00:08:59.900 --> 00:09:01.190 align:middle line:90%
by the trucks.

00:09:01.190 --> 00:09:05.570 align:middle line:84%
Mamá got out, took her
little purse, and headed off.

00:09:05.570 --> 00:09:07.760 align:middle line:84%
The boys got out of the
cars and they looked,

00:09:07.760 --> 00:09:11.270 align:middle line:84%
and they were horrified to see
she was going to a far corner

00:09:11.270 --> 00:09:15.350 align:middle line:84%
with a sign that
said bird salesman.

00:09:15.350 --> 00:09:18.740 align:middle line:84%
Little Angel said,
dude, are we in trouble?

00:09:18.740 --> 00:09:20.960 align:middle line:84%
And Big Angel
said, I don't know.

00:09:20.960 --> 00:09:22.520 align:middle line:90%
Let's go see what's going on.

00:09:22.520 --> 00:09:23.930 align:middle line:90%
They followed her.

00:09:23.930 --> 00:09:26.720 align:middle line:84%
And she got to the workbench
and knocked on the wood.

00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:29.070 align:middle line:84%
And a nice young man
came out of the back.

00:09:29.070 --> 00:09:30.500 align:middle line:90%
Sí, señora, sí.

00:09:30.500 --> 00:09:34.940 align:middle line:84%
Joven, ¿tiene
usted perico verde?

00:09:34.940 --> 00:09:37.340 align:middle line:90%
He said, oh, yes, of course.

00:09:37.340 --> 00:09:40.760 align:middle line:84%
Yes, but do you have
tamed perico verde?

00:09:40.760 --> 00:09:41.840 align:middle line:90%
Hand-tamed?

00:09:41.840 --> 00:09:46.070 align:middle line:84%
I need the most friendly,
delicate, friendly, nice,

00:09:46.070 --> 00:09:47.150 align:middle line:90%
cuddly.

00:09:47.150 --> 00:09:48.710 align:middle line:90%
He said, sí, no problem.

00:09:48.710 --> 00:09:50.190 align:middle line:90%
I raised him myself.

00:09:50.190 --> 00:09:52.430 align:middle line:84%
Let me go get you
el más mansito.

00:09:52.430 --> 00:09:53.765 align:middle line:90%
And he disappeared inside.

00:09:53.765 --> 00:09:55.640 align:middle line:84%
The two boys were standing
beside her looking

00:09:55.640 --> 00:09:57.890 align:middle line:90%
at each other like, oh, great.

00:09:57.890 --> 00:10:01.700 align:middle line:84%
He came out with a little
green parrot on his finger.

00:10:01.700 --> 00:10:03.410 align:middle line:90%
And it did look quite tame.

00:10:03.410 --> 00:10:05.090 align:middle line:84%
It was looking
around at everything.

00:10:05.090 --> 00:10:06.890 align:middle line:90%
How interesting everything was.

00:10:06.890 --> 00:10:08.420 align:middle line:84%
And he said, would
you like to hold?

00:10:08.420 --> 00:10:09.860 align:middle line:90%
Oh, yes, please.

00:10:09.860 --> 00:10:12.637 align:middle line:84%
And she put her finger,
tapped against his belly

00:10:12.637 --> 00:10:14.720 align:middle line:84%
like you do with a green
parrot, and he stepped up

00:10:14.720 --> 00:10:16.130 align:middle line:90%
on her finger.

00:10:16.130 --> 00:10:21.770 align:middle line:84%
And then she went into
that bizarre granny babble

00:10:21.770 --> 00:10:25.580 align:middle line:84%
that Mexican grandmothers
do with babies and puppies.

00:10:25.580 --> 00:10:27.764 align:middle line:84%
Ay, mira que bonito
el periquito.

00:10:27.764 --> 00:10:28.580 align:middle line:90%
Que bonito.

00:10:28.580 --> 00:10:30.440 align:middle line:90%
Ay, mira la boquita que tiene.

00:10:30.440 --> 00:10:32.860 align:middle line:84%
If the parrot was
carried away, he

00:10:32.860 --> 00:10:35.570 align:middle line:84%
was like, yes, I'm very
handsome, it's true.

00:10:35.570 --> 00:10:37.940 align:middle line:84%
Watching her finger,
fluffed up a little bit.

00:10:37.940 --> 00:10:38.730 align:middle line:90%
She says, sí, sí.

00:10:38.730 --> 00:10:39.714 align:middle line:90%
[TONGUE CLICKING]

00:10:39.714 --> 00:10:40.700 align:middle line:90%
[INAUDIBLE]

00:10:40.700 --> 00:10:41.390 align:middle line:90%
It answered her.

00:10:41.390 --> 00:10:42.170 align:middle line:90%
[TONGUE CLICKING]

00:10:42.170 --> 00:10:44.000 align:middle line:90%
Ay, que lindo el periquito.

00:10:44.000 --> 00:10:47.450 align:middle line:84%
While she was doing this, she
reached down to her pocketbook,

00:10:47.450 --> 00:10:51.740 align:middle line:84%
opened it, dug around in it and
came up with a little bottle

00:10:51.740 --> 00:10:54.230 align:middle line:90%
with an eyedropper on top.

00:10:54.230 --> 00:10:57.200 align:middle line:84%
And she put it down
and she unscrewed it.

00:10:57.200 --> 00:10:58.940 align:middle line:84%
The bird salesman
and the two boys

00:10:58.940 --> 00:11:00.980 align:middle line:84%
were like, what
the hell is she--

00:11:00.980 --> 00:11:06.140 align:middle line:84%
she took it out and she squeezed
up an eyedropper-load of fluid

00:11:06.140 --> 00:11:08.690 align:middle line:90%
and she tapped it on his beak.

00:11:08.690 --> 00:11:10.580 align:middle line:90%
Ándale, abre el piquito.

00:11:10.580 --> 00:11:11.794 align:middle line:90%
Ándale, abre.

00:11:11.794 --> 00:11:13.910 align:middle line:90%
Abre el piquito.

00:11:13.910 --> 00:11:16.700 align:middle line:84%
He opened his mouth,
and she quickly

00:11:16.700 --> 00:11:19.015 align:middle line:90%
put three drops in his mouth.

00:11:19.015 --> 00:11:20.390 align:middle line:84%
Put the thing back
on the bottle,

00:11:20.390 --> 00:11:24.200 align:middle line:84%
put the bottle in the bag and
looked at the boys, and said,

00:11:24.200 --> 00:11:24.935 align:middle line:90%
it's tequila.

00:11:24.935 --> 00:11:28.670 align:middle line:90%


00:11:28.670 --> 00:11:32.060 align:middle line:84%
And soon the bird
started to sway

00:11:32.060 --> 00:11:34.340 align:middle line:84%
and started to kind
of rock a little bit.

00:11:34.340 --> 00:11:35.450 align:middle line:90%
She's watching.

00:11:35.450 --> 00:11:39.040 align:middle line:84%
And then suddenly, it
fell over backwards.

00:11:39.040 --> 00:11:41.560 align:middle line:90%
She caught him in her hand.

00:11:41.560 --> 00:11:43.263 align:middle line:84%
She laid him down
on the workbench.

00:11:43.263 --> 00:11:44.680 align:middle line:84%
His little feet
in the air, and he

00:11:44.680 --> 00:11:46.540 align:middle line:90%
was making little parrot snores.

00:11:46.540 --> 00:11:49.792 align:middle line:90%
[HIGH-PITCHED SNORING]

00:11:49.792 --> 00:11:52.210 align:middle line:90%


00:11:52.210 --> 00:11:55.000 align:middle line:84%
She got her pocketbook
and she took out

00:11:55.000 --> 00:11:58.420 align:middle line:84%
a sheet of newspaper,
set it out on the bench

00:11:58.420 --> 00:12:01.960 align:middle line:84%
and then picked up the
sleeping parrot and she laid it

00:12:01.960 --> 00:12:05.950 align:middle line:84%
on the newspaper and
she rolled him up.

00:12:05.950 --> 00:12:08.380 align:middle line:84%
It was a cone, tail
down in the cone,

00:12:08.380 --> 00:12:09.820 align:middle line:90%
the head up in the wide part.

00:12:09.820 --> 00:12:14.320 align:middle line:84%
He looked like a
parrot-flavored snow cone.

00:12:14.320 --> 00:12:18.760 align:middle line:84%
And then, the nightmare
moment happened.

00:12:18.760 --> 00:12:23.500 align:middle line:84%
She embarrassed all the
boys because she pulled open

00:12:23.500 --> 00:12:28.240 align:middle line:84%
the top of her dress and,
inserting the narrow part,

00:12:28.240 --> 00:12:32.410 align:middle line:84%
put him deep inside and
then tamped him down,

00:12:32.410 --> 00:12:35.690 align:middle line:84%
and then she adjusted
herself, and she said,

00:12:35.690 --> 00:12:36.805 align:middle line:90%
OK, let's go to San Diego.

00:12:36.805 --> 00:12:39.700 align:middle line:90%


00:12:39.700 --> 00:12:44.120 align:middle line:84%
So Big Angel, he was sure
he was going to prison.

00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:45.580 align:middle line:90%
And he drove very carefully.

00:12:45.580 --> 00:12:47.950 align:middle line:84%
In those days, it wasn't
a high-tech border.

00:12:47.950 --> 00:12:53.650 align:middle line:84%
It was a little plywood shed
with a barstool and a phone.

00:12:53.650 --> 00:12:54.820 align:middle line:90%
That was it.

00:12:54.820 --> 00:12:59.650 align:middle line:84%
And the US Customs agents
would look at license plates

00:12:59.650 --> 00:13:01.600 align:middle line:84%
and check a typed
list of bad guys

00:13:01.600 --> 00:13:03.400 align:middle line:90%
to see if it was a bad guy.

00:13:03.400 --> 00:13:05.330 align:middle line:90%
And there was a ritual--

00:13:05.330 --> 00:13:10.060 align:middle line:84%
it was almost religious that
happened at this crossing.

00:13:10.060 --> 00:13:14.290 align:middle line:84%
Big Angel pulled up very
slowly, put it in park,

00:13:14.290 --> 00:13:16.150 align:middle line:90%
sat looking straight ahead.

00:13:16.150 --> 00:13:18.550 align:middle line:84%
Mamá, next to him,
looking straight ahead.

00:13:18.550 --> 00:13:22.000 align:middle line:84%
Little Angel in the back, I
don't know what's going on.

00:13:22.000 --> 00:13:24.235 align:middle line:84%
And the agent stepped
out, shook out his leg.

00:13:24.235 --> 00:13:28.100 align:middle line:90%


00:13:28.100 --> 00:13:29.090 align:middle line:90%
¡Amigo!

00:13:29.090 --> 00:13:30.380 align:middle line:90%
He said.

00:13:30.380 --> 00:13:31.700 align:middle line:90%
¡Tiene usted papeles!

00:13:31.700 --> 00:13:35.100 align:middle line:90%


00:13:35.100 --> 00:13:36.390 align:middle line:90%
Green card.

00:13:36.390 --> 00:13:38.070 align:middle line:90%
All right, buddy, good.

00:13:38.070 --> 00:13:38.980 align:middle line:90%
He bent down.

00:13:38.980 --> 00:13:40.550 align:middle line:90%
¡Señora!

00:13:40.550 --> 00:13:43.845 align:middle line:90%
¡Tiene usted papeles!

00:13:43.845 --> 00:13:44.345 align:middle line:90%
Visa.

00:13:44.345 --> 00:13:46.930 align:middle line:90%


00:13:46.930 --> 00:13:48.830 align:middle line:90%
All right, ma'am.

00:13:48.830 --> 00:13:52.510 align:middle line:84%
Looked at Little Angel back,
hey, buddy, you have papers?

00:13:52.510 --> 00:13:53.890 align:middle line:90%
I'm a US citizen, man.

00:13:53.890 --> 00:13:56.360 align:middle line:90%
Great, man.

00:13:56.360 --> 00:13:57.230 align:middle line:90%
He stepped back.

00:13:57.230 --> 00:14:01.270 align:middle line:84%
And then the other part
of the ritual was, amigos,

00:14:01.270 --> 00:14:04.570 align:middle line:84%
¿tienen ustedes licores
en el tronco del carro?

00:14:04.570 --> 00:14:08.950 align:middle line:90%


00:14:08.950 --> 00:14:12.580 align:middle line:84%
And every driver said,
no, even though they

00:14:12.580 --> 00:14:15.670 align:middle line:90%
had a load of booze.

00:14:15.670 --> 00:14:17.750 align:middle line:90%
And they pulled it off.

00:14:17.750 --> 00:14:19.300 align:middle line:90%
They had pulled it off.

00:14:19.300 --> 00:14:24.280 align:middle line:84%
The agent was convinced, and he
began to turn away from them.

00:14:24.280 --> 00:14:27.820 align:middle line:84%
He was going to signal the
next car to come forward.

00:14:27.820 --> 00:14:30.550 align:middle line:84%
All Little Angel could
see was his belly

00:14:30.550 --> 00:14:32.050 align:middle line:90%
turning in the window.

00:14:32.050 --> 00:14:37.480 align:middle line:84%
And it got-- maybe 3/4 of
the way away from their car,

00:14:37.480 --> 00:14:40.840 align:middle line:84%
and the hand was rising
when the parrot awoke.

00:14:40.840 --> 00:14:43.580 align:middle line:84%
The hand was rising, and
there came this cry of, ahhhh!

00:14:43.580 --> 00:14:46.800 align:middle line:90%


00:14:46.800 --> 00:14:49.440 align:middle line:90%
Everything stopped.

00:14:49.440 --> 00:14:52.410 align:middle line:84%
The border agent's
hand went down,

00:14:52.410 --> 00:14:54.600 align:middle line:84%
the belly rotated
back to the window.

00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:55.100 align:middle line:90%
Ahhhh!

00:14:55.100 --> 00:14:58.090 align:middle line:90%


00:14:58.090 --> 00:14:59.770 align:middle line:90%
He looked in.

00:14:59.770 --> 00:15:01.330 align:middle line:84%
He couldn't tell
what was going on,

00:15:01.330 --> 00:15:04.735 align:middle line:84%
but suddenly a horrifying
thing happened.

00:15:04.735 --> 00:15:07.750 align:middle line:90%


00:15:07.750 --> 00:15:09.730 align:middle line:90%
It tried to escape.

00:15:09.730 --> 00:15:15.280 align:middle line:84%
And mamá's bust line
started moving by itself.

00:15:15.280 --> 00:15:18.520 align:middle line:84%
And she looked down,
and she said to him,

00:15:18.520 --> 00:15:20.290 align:middle line:84%
I don't even know
what's happening.

00:15:20.290 --> 00:15:22.960 align:middle line:90%


00:15:22.960 --> 00:15:28.330 align:middle line:84%
Now, 10 years after
this event, Little Angel

00:15:28.330 --> 00:15:31.690 align:middle line:84%
went to the movies,
and he saw a film

00:15:31.690 --> 00:15:34.420 align:middle line:84%
that reminded him for
the rest of his life

00:15:34.420 --> 00:15:35.740 align:middle line:90%
of his wonderful grandmother.

00:15:35.740 --> 00:15:37.420 align:middle line:90%
It was a movie called Alien.

00:15:37.420 --> 00:15:44.720 align:middle line:90%


00:15:44.720 --> 00:15:50.150 align:middle line:84%
So as the federal agent watched,
suddenly it came forth out

00:15:50.150 --> 00:15:52.970 align:middle line:90%
of her dress, screaming, ahhh!

00:15:52.970 --> 00:15:54.230 align:middle line:90%
Biting everything.

00:15:54.230 --> 00:15:55.430 align:middle line:90%
She was watching.

00:15:55.430 --> 00:15:58.970 align:middle line:84%
She said, isn't
this interesting?

00:15:58.970 --> 00:16:01.423 align:middle line:90%
And then it burst out.

00:16:01.423 --> 00:16:02.370 align:middle line:90%
Poof.

00:16:02.370 --> 00:16:03.380 align:middle line:90%
Little green feathers.

00:16:03.380 --> 00:16:06.410 align:middle line:84%
And it began flying around
the inside of the car.

00:16:06.410 --> 00:16:09.710 align:middle line:84%
Everybody watching it,
the agent watching it.

00:16:09.710 --> 00:16:17.180 align:middle line:84%
Everybody freaking out, except
for mamá, who, very calmly,

00:16:17.180 --> 00:16:21.680 align:middle line:84%
reached down and opened
the passenger side window.

00:16:21.680 --> 00:16:28.100 align:middle line:84%
And in that moment,
all of them in unity,

00:16:28.100 --> 00:16:33.850 align:middle line:84%
border forgotten, Mexican
nationals, US citizen,

00:16:33.850 --> 00:16:40.480 align:middle line:84%
US federal agent, watched that
parrot enter the United States

00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:43.210 align:middle line:90%
illegally.

00:16:43.210 --> 00:16:44.410 align:middle line:90%
That's it.

00:16:44.410 --> 00:16:47.760 align:middle line:90%
[APPLAUSE]

00:16:47.760 --> 00:16:54.000 align:middle line:90%