[LAUGHTER]
Thank you, Bill.
Two shorter ones.
I've always been pals with Sherman Alexie
since he was a kid, and he read this poem,
and he was really sweet about it.
He wasn't always sweet when he wrote stuff,
but he came up to me and said, please,
that poem about the dude in the bathroom.
I said, yeah, and he went oh, and collapsed on the table,
so I thought I might as well read it to you.
It's called Help Me, it's another autobiographical poem.
You know, you're called upon.
Cindy always says, I have a Jesus complex.
I don't know if I do or not.
Sometimes I think it was like a Bono in U2 complex.
You know, I just want to help people.
I can't help myself, and this is one
of those times are you going into the bathroom
to do your bidness, and something uncomfortable
happens.
This is this poem about it, Help Me.
100 bad jobs before one poem published.
Another lunch break, another greasy paper bag
with another bologna and cheese sandwich, invisible to women.
Not enough money in my pocket to get robbed.
Public toilet on an otherwise heartless California day.
An empty wheelchair in the middle of the room.
From a stall, a voice, hey, guy.
He was twisted on his seat, pants around his ankles,
help me, I'm late, been here for a while.
Sure, I said, how?
I said.
I can't get my pants up.
I said, OK, how?
I bent to him and pulled up his underpants,
pulled up his corduroys, pulled up his zipper,
did the button on his pants, even affixed his belt.
He leaned on my shoulder.
Skinny as a kite.
At least you didn't have to wipe me, guy.
We waltzed somehow to his chair, and I sat him in it.
Whoo, he said.
Whoo, I said.
Sorry, he said.
No, man.
No.
Then he cried, my lunch.
I went back in the stall, his lunch in a greasy paper bag
just like mine.
Mom made it, he said, can't forget it.
I grabbed it.
Mom had put a banana in there.
I felt his entire life in my hand.
His morning, his birthday, his Christmas, his bedtime, man,
he said, thank you.
Have a good day, and thank you.
I broke out into the sun walking, walking, squinting
too much sunlight out there.
And I went back to work forever.
[CLAPPING]
Oh, yeah.
You're so kind.