WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.880 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:01.880 --> 00:00:03.710 align:middle line:90% Thank you, Bill. 00:00:03.710 --> 00:00:05.270 align:middle line:90% Two shorter ones. 00:00:05.270 --> 00:00:08.240 align:middle line:84% I've always been pals with Sherman Alexie 00:00:08.240 --> 00:00:12.320 align:middle line:84% since he was a kid, and he read this poem, 00:00:12.320 --> 00:00:13.790 align:middle line:84% and he was really sweet about it. 00:00:13.790 --> 00:00:15.680 align:middle line:84% He wasn't always sweet when he wrote stuff, 00:00:15.680 --> 00:00:18.770 align:middle line:84% but he came up to me and said, please, 00:00:18.770 --> 00:00:21.920 align:middle line:84% that poem about the dude in the bathroom. 00:00:21.920 --> 00:00:24.980 align:middle line:84% I said, yeah, and he went oh, and collapsed on the table, 00:00:24.980 --> 00:00:28.470 align:middle line:84% so I thought I might as well read it to you. 00:00:28.470 --> 00:00:31.400 align:middle line:84% It's called Help Me, it's another autobiographical poem. 00:00:31.400 --> 00:00:33.080 align:middle line:90% You know, you're called upon. 00:00:33.080 --> 00:00:35.390 align:middle line:84% Cindy always says, I have a Jesus complex. 00:00:35.390 --> 00:00:37.670 align:middle line:90% I don't know if I do or not. 00:00:37.670 --> 00:00:40.838 align:middle line:84% Sometimes I think it was like a Bono in U2 complex. 00:00:40.838 --> 00:00:42.380 align:middle line:84% You know, I just want to help people. 00:00:42.380 --> 00:00:44.003 align:middle line:84% I can't help myself, and this is one 00:00:44.003 --> 00:00:45.920 align:middle line:84% of those times are you going into the bathroom 00:00:45.920 --> 00:00:48.590 align:middle line:84% to do your bidness, and something uncomfortable 00:00:48.590 --> 00:00:49.310 align:middle line:90% happens. 00:00:49.310 --> 00:00:51.890 align:middle line:84% This is this poem about it, Help Me. 00:00:51.890 --> 00:00:56.060 align:middle line:84% 100 bad jobs before one poem published. 00:00:56.060 --> 00:00:59.120 align:middle line:84% Another lunch break, another greasy paper bag 00:00:59.120 --> 00:01:04.670 align:middle line:84% with another bologna and cheese sandwich, invisible to women. 00:01:04.670 --> 00:01:08.090 align:middle line:84% Not enough money in my pocket to get robbed. 00:01:08.090 --> 00:01:12.830 align:middle line:84% Public toilet on an otherwise heartless California day. 00:01:12.830 --> 00:01:17.360 align:middle line:84% An empty wheelchair in the middle of the room. 00:01:17.360 --> 00:01:22.780 align:middle line:90% From a stall, a voice, hey, guy. 00:01:22.780 --> 00:01:26.530 align:middle line:84% He was twisted on his seat, pants around his ankles, 00:01:26.530 --> 00:01:32.080 align:middle line:84% help me, I'm late, been here for a while. 00:01:32.080 --> 00:01:34.630 align:middle line:90% Sure, I said, how? 00:01:34.630 --> 00:01:35.440 align:middle line:90% I said. 00:01:35.440 --> 00:01:39.500 align:middle line:90% I can't get my pants up. 00:01:39.500 --> 00:01:43.360 align:middle line:90% I said, OK, how? 00:01:43.360 --> 00:01:45.580 align:middle line:84% I bent to him and pulled up his underpants, 00:01:45.580 --> 00:01:47.980 align:middle line:84% pulled up his corduroys, pulled up his zipper, 00:01:47.980 --> 00:01:51.490 align:middle line:84% did the button on his pants, even affixed his belt. 00:01:51.490 --> 00:01:53.110 align:middle line:90% He leaned on my shoulder. 00:01:53.110 --> 00:01:55.090 align:middle line:90% Skinny as a kite. 00:01:55.090 --> 00:01:58.360 align:middle line:84% At least you didn't have to wipe me, guy. 00:01:58.360 --> 00:02:03.550 align:middle line:84% We waltzed somehow to his chair, and I sat him in it. 00:02:03.550 --> 00:02:05.860 align:middle line:90% Whoo, he said. 00:02:05.860 --> 00:02:08.320 align:middle line:90% Whoo, I said. 00:02:08.320 --> 00:02:10.060 align:middle line:90% Sorry, he said. 00:02:10.060 --> 00:02:11.350 align:middle line:90% No, man. 00:02:11.350 --> 00:02:12.940 align:middle line:90% No. 00:02:12.940 --> 00:02:15.880 align:middle line:90% Then he cried, my lunch. 00:02:15.880 --> 00:02:19.720 align:middle line:84% I went back in the stall, his lunch in a greasy paper bag 00:02:19.720 --> 00:02:22.030 align:middle line:90% just like mine. 00:02:22.030 --> 00:02:26.170 align:middle line:84% Mom made it, he said, can't forget it. 00:02:26.170 --> 00:02:28.600 align:middle line:90% I grabbed it. 00:02:28.600 --> 00:02:31.150 align:middle line:90% Mom had put a banana in there. 00:02:31.150 --> 00:02:34.720 align:middle line:84% I felt his entire life in my hand. 00:02:34.720 --> 00:02:41.200 align:middle line:84% His morning, his birthday, his Christmas, his bedtime, man, 00:02:41.200 --> 00:02:44.500 align:middle line:90% he said, thank you. 00:02:44.500 --> 00:02:48.750 align:middle line:90% Have a good day, and thank you. 00:02:48.750 --> 00:02:53.400 align:middle line:84% I broke out into the sun walking, walking, squinting 00:02:53.400 --> 00:02:55.630 align:middle line:90% too much sunlight out there. 00:02:55.630 --> 00:02:57.885 align:middle line:90% And I went back to work forever. 00:02:57.885 --> 00:03:00.735 align:middle line:90% 00:03:00.735 --> 00:03:03.600 align:middle line:90% [CLAPPING] 00:03:03.600 --> 00:03:06.090 align:middle line:90% Oh, yeah. 00:03:06.090 --> 00:03:08.180 align:middle line:90% You're so kind.