WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:05.010 align:middle line:90% It's called "Ode to Hangovers." 00:00:05.010 --> 00:00:08.430 align:middle line:84% Hangover, you drag me into the yard. 00:00:08.430 --> 00:00:12.840 align:middle line:84% Oh, I should tell you that I used to live in Indiana 00:00:12.840 --> 00:00:14.700 align:middle line:90% and I had very big, great yard. 00:00:14.700 --> 00:00:18.010 align:middle line:84% One of the things that I would do when-- 00:00:18.010 --> 00:00:20.600 align:middle line:84% on the one occasion I had a hangover, 00:00:20.600 --> 00:00:24.780 align:middle line:84% was start as a way of just whatever 00:00:24.780 --> 00:00:28.400 align:middle line:84% it is one does to try to accomplish something 00:00:28.400 --> 00:00:30.270 align:middle line:90% when one feels like hell. 00:00:30.270 --> 00:00:34.660 align:middle line:84% So I always sort of identify yard-work with being hungover 00:00:34.660 --> 00:00:39.500 align:middle line:84% and I identify hangovers with yard-work. 00:00:39.500 --> 00:00:42.104 align:middle line:84% This isn't that interesting an idea, is it? 00:00:42.104 --> 00:00:46.040 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:46.040 --> 00:00:49.025 align:middle line:90% Moving on, "Ode to Hangover." 00:00:49.025 --> 00:00:51.590 align:middle line:90% 00:00:51.590 --> 00:00:53.420 align:middle line:84% You got to stay the course, you know, 00:00:53.420 --> 00:00:55.120 align:middle line:84% when you're doing something like this. 00:00:55.120 --> 00:00:57.560 align:middle line:84% It [INAUDIBLE] feels like a bad idea. 00:00:57.560 --> 00:01:01.512 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:01.512 --> 00:01:03.952 align:middle line:90% You can only hope. 00:01:03.952 --> 00:01:07.820 align:middle line:84% You can only hope that time goes by. 00:01:07.820 --> 00:01:11.290 align:middle line:84% Hangover, you drive me into the yard 00:01:11.290 --> 00:01:15.250 align:middle line:84% to dig holes as a way of working through you, 00:01:15.250 --> 00:01:18.040 align:middle line:84% as one might work through a sorry childhood 00:01:18.040 --> 00:01:21.400 align:middle line:84% by writing the forbidden amusement park rides 00:01:21.400 --> 00:01:24.670 align:middle line:90% as a grown-up until puking. 00:01:24.670 --> 00:01:29.440 align:middle line:84% Alas, I feel like something spit out by a duck, 00:01:29.440 --> 00:01:34.330 align:middle line:84% a duck other ducks are ashamed of. 00:01:34.330 --> 00:01:39.010 align:middle line:84% When I only tried to protect myself by projecting myself 00:01:39.010 --> 00:01:42.700 align:middle line:84% on hilarity's big screen at the party where 00:01:42.700 --> 00:01:48.550 align:middle line:84% one nitwit reminisced about the $0.39 a pound chicken 00:01:48.550 --> 00:01:49.900 align:middle line:90% from his youth. 00:01:49.900 --> 00:01:54.100 align:middle line:84% And another said, don't go to Italy in June. 00:01:54.100 --> 00:01:57.400 align:middle line:90% No one goes in June. 00:01:57.400 --> 00:02:00.730 align:middle line:84% Protect myself from boring advice. 00:02:00.730 --> 00:02:05.320 align:middle line:84% From the boring past and boring present, at the expense 00:02:05.320 --> 00:02:09.800 align:middle line:90% of an unnauseating future, now. 00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:13.630 align:middle line:84% But look at these newly-socketed lilacs. 00:02:13.630 --> 00:02:16.180 align:middle line:84% Without you, hangover, they would still 00:02:16.180 --> 00:02:18.220 align:middle line:90% be trapped in their buckets. 00:02:18.220 --> 00:02:21.430 align:middle line:84% And not become the opposite of vomit 00:02:21.430 --> 00:02:25.300 align:middle line:84% just as you, hangover, are the opposite of orgasm. 00:02:25.300 --> 00:02:27.880 align:middle line:90% 00:02:27.880 --> 00:02:31.930 align:middle line:84% Certainly you go on too long and, in your grip, 00:02:31.930 --> 00:02:36.160 align:middle line:84% one thinks, how to have you never again. 00:02:36.160 --> 00:02:41.620 align:middle line:84% Whereas orgasm lasts too short, some seconds and immediately 00:02:41.620 --> 00:02:44.920 align:middle line:90% one plots to repeat her. 00:02:44.920 --> 00:02:50.680 align:middle line:84% After her, I could eat a car, but here's a pineapple clam 00:02:50.680 --> 00:02:53.390 align:middle line:90% pizza and Chinese milkshakes. 00:02:53.390 --> 00:02:54.210 align:middle line:90% Yum. 00:02:54.210 --> 00:02:59.410 align:middle line:84% But hangover, you make me aspire to a saltine. 00:02:59.410 --> 00:03:02.260 align:middle line:90% Both of you need to lie down. 00:03:02.260 --> 00:03:06.820 align:middle line:84% One with a cool rag across the brow, shutters drawn. 00:03:06.820 --> 00:03:09.280 align:middle line:90% The other, in a soft jungle gym. 00:03:09.280 --> 00:03:10.300 align:middle line:90% Yahoo. 00:03:10.300 --> 00:03:14.470 align:middle line:84% This puzzle has 15,000 solutions. 00:03:14.470 --> 00:03:16.840 align:middle line:90% Here's one called Rocking Horse. 00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:20.560 align:middle line:84% And how about Sunshine in the Monkey Tree. 00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:23.710 align:middle line:84% Chug, chug, goes the arriving train. 00:03:23.710 --> 00:03:27.970 align:middle line:84% Those on the platform toss their hats and scarves and cheer, 00:03:27.970 --> 00:03:31.210 align:middle line:84% the president comes out the caboose to declare, 00:03:31.210 --> 00:03:32.860 align:middle line:90% the war is over. 00:03:32.860 --> 00:03:36.100 align:middle line:84% Corks popping, people mashing people, 00:03:36.100 --> 00:03:41.830 align:middle line:84% knocking over melon stands, ripping millenniums of bodices. 00:03:41.830 --> 00:03:44.350 align:middle line:90% Hangover, rest now. 00:03:44.350 --> 00:03:48.970 align:middle line:84% You'll have lots to do later inspiring abstemious 00:03:48.970 --> 00:03:53.560 align:middle line:84% philosophies and menial tasks that, too, contribute 00:03:53.560 --> 00:03:56.340 align:middle line:90% to the beauty of this world. 00:03:56.340 --> 00:03:57.000 align:middle line:90%