WEBVTT

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It's called Clam Ode.

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"One attempts to be
significant on a grand scale

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in the knockdown battle
of life but settles.

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It's clammy today,
meaning wet and gray,

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not having a hard,
calniferous shell.

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I love the expression "happy as
a clam," how it parts buoyant

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emotion to a rather,
when you get down to it,

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nonexpressive creature.

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In piles of ice, it awaits
its doom pretty much the same

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as on the ocean floor
it awaits life's bouquet

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and banquet and sexual joys.

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Some barnacles we know are
eggs dropped from outer space.

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But clams, who has a
clue how they reproduce?

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By trading clouds?

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The Chinese thought them
capable of prolonging life

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while clams
doubtlessly considered

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the Chinese the opposite.

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I remember the
jawbreakers as my dad

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would buy me on the wharf
at Stone Harbor, New Jersey.

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Every 30 seconds you'd take
out the one in your mouth

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to check what color it turned.

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What does this have
to do with clams?

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A feeling.

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States of feeling, unlike the
states of the upper midwest,

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are difficult to name.

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That is why music
was invented, which

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caused a whole new
slew of feeling

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and is why since, people have
had more feelings than they

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know what to do with.

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So you can see it
sort of backfired,

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like a fire extinguisher
that turned out

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to be a flamethrower.

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They look alike, don't they?

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So if you're buying one to be
sure you don't get the other.

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The boys in the
stockroom are stoners

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who wear their
pants falling down

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and deserve their own
Gulliver's Travels island.

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The clam however remains calm.

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Green is the color of
the kelp it rests on,

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having a helluva wingding calm.

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I'm going to kill you in
butter and white wine.

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So forgive me,
great clam spirit.

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Join yourself to me through
the emissary of this al dente

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fettuccine so I need be
qualmless and happy as you."

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[CROWD LAUGHING]

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