WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.630 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.630 --> 00:00:04.620 align:middle line:84% I was reading a while back at another university 00:00:04.620 --> 00:00:08.580 align:middle line:84% and I actually had a request for this next story. 00:00:08.580 --> 00:00:10.577 align:middle line:84% But the person didn't know the title. 00:00:10.577 --> 00:00:11.910 align:middle line:90% She couldn't remember the title. 00:00:11.910 --> 00:00:15.660 align:middle line:84% She said, oh, read that man-bashing story! 00:00:15.660 --> 00:00:16.860 align:middle line:90% I said, what? 00:00:16.860 --> 00:00:19.270 align:middle line:90% What are you talking about? 00:00:19.270 --> 00:00:26.970 align:middle line:84% Well, it turned out she meant this one, which I had always-- 00:00:26.970 --> 00:00:29.460 align:middle line:90% always, since I wrote it-- 00:00:29.460 --> 00:00:34.290 align:middle line:84% I thought of as a sort of story of women rallying around one 00:00:34.290 --> 00:00:37.740 align:middle line:84% of their own, rallying for one of their own. 00:00:37.740 --> 00:00:42.900 align:middle line:84% So you decide, is it women rallying or is it man-bashing? 00:00:42.900 --> 00:00:46.380 align:middle line:84% But it's a story that was, in fact, written 00:00:46.380 --> 00:00:53.880 align:middle line:84% in anger as a response to something I thought 00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:57.090 align:middle line:90% was pretty awful. 00:00:57.090 --> 00:00:59.790 align:middle line:90% What started it is-- 00:00:59.790 --> 00:01:02.130 align:middle line:84% I had a good friend, a woman friend, 00:01:02.130 --> 00:01:06.120 align:middle line:84% in California who had survived things most people don't 00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:08.340 align:middle line:84% survive, such as Hodgkin's disease 00:01:08.340 --> 00:01:13.140 align:middle line:84% and an open-heart surgery, other things. 00:01:13.140 --> 00:01:16.620 align:middle line:84% And finally, things cleared up for her 00:01:16.620 --> 00:01:19.200 align:middle line:84% and she became engaged to be married. 00:01:19.200 --> 00:01:22.530 align:middle line:84% And then she found out she was going to have to have a radical 00:01:22.530 --> 00:01:27.270 align:middle line:84% mastectomy, and when she told her fiancé, he left her. 00:01:27.270 --> 00:01:33.120 align:middle line:84% And there were a number of us who were-- 00:01:33.120 --> 00:01:35.940 align:middle line:84% well, you can imagine what we were feeling like. 00:01:35.940 --> 00:01:38.370 align:middle line:84% And it was the only time I can really 00:01:38.370 --> 00:01:43.470 align:middle line:84% think of when I followed the advice you hear about 00:01:43.470 --> 00:01:47.910 align:middle line:84% don't just go get in a rage and spout off. 00:01:47.910 --> 00:01:51.150 align:middle line:84% Use that anger, use that energy, channel 00:01:51.150 --> 00:01:54.250 align:middle line:90% it, make it work for you. 00:01:54.250 --> 00:01:54.750 align:middle line:90% OK. 00:01:54.750 --> 00:01:57.660 align:middle line:90% The one time that that worked. 00:01:57.660 --> 00:02:01.440 align:middle line:84% This is a story called "The Day I Had Everything." 00:02:01.440 --> 00:02:05.430 align:middle line:90% 00:02:05.430 --> 00:02:07.830 align:middle line:84% "When Mrs. Lawton phoned in the threat, 00:02:07.830 --> 00:02:10.169 align:middle line:90% the threat was already a fact. 00:02:10.169 --> 00:02:13.920 align:middle line:84% Her estranged husband said that he could hear it in her voice. 00:02:13.920 --> 00:02:17.370 align:middle line:84% So he called for an ambulance, scheduled an appointment 00:02:17.370 --> 00:02:21.360 align:middle line:84% with the city's finest doctor, left his office early, 00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:23.580 align:middle line:84% and drove to the Lawton country home 00:02:23.580 --> 00:02:27.270 align:middle line:84% where he closed up the house and boarded the dogs, then returned 00:02:27.270 --> 00:02:31.560 align:middle line:84% to the city and his hospitalized wife. 00:02:31.560 --> 00:02:35.220 align:middle line:84% Mr. Lawton brought Mrs. Lawton flowers, freesia 00:02:35.220 --> 00:02:39.480 align:middle line:84% and yellow iris, and he brought her a bill for $500, 00:02:39.480 --> 00:02:41.520 align:middle line:84% plus the cost of the opera tickets he 00:02:41.520 --> 00:02:44.850 align:middle line:84% had been unable to use, plus another $100 00:02:44.850 --> 00:02:49.050 align:middle line:84% for what he called same-day service. 00:02:49.050 --> 00:02:52.500 align:middle line:84% At home a week later, Mrs. Lawton received callers. 00:02:52.500 --> 00:02:56.700 align:middle line:84% She laid an alarming buffet of Budweiser and crullers 00:02:56.700 --> 00:02:59.970 align:middle line:84% and answered the question on everyone's mind, 00:02:59.970 --> 00:03:04.440 align:middle line:84% whether or not she had paid her husband's bill. 00:03:04.440 --> 00:03:07.470 align:middle line:84% I heard Mrs. Lawton's story at the weekly meeting. 00:03:07.470 --> 00:03:09.930 align:middle line:84% My friend Lee brought me six months 00:03:09.930 --> 00:03:12.930 align:middle line:90% after the club was formed. 00:03:12.930 --> 00:03:14.850 align:middle line:90% Lee died 10 years ago. 00:03:14.850 --> 00:03:17.880 align:middle line:90% She can't stop talking about it. 00:03:17.880 --> 00:03:19.470 align:middle line:90% No reason to stop. 00:03:19.470 --> 00:03:22.860 align:middle line:84% That's what the club is for, she explained. 00:03:22.860 --> 00:03:25.380 align:middle line:84% When Lee and I got to Mrs. Lawton's house, 00:03:25.380 --> 00:03:29.640 align:middle line:84% the other members were already in Mrs. Lawton's living room. 00:03:29.640 --> 00:03:32.760 align:middle line:84% The other members were women too. 00:03:32.760 --> 00:03:35.640 align:middle line:84% Lee told me there had used to be a man who came, 00:03:35.640 --> 00:03:38.760 align:middle line:84% a man who had died on the operating table. 00:03:38.760 --> 00:03:40.980 align:middle line:84% When it would come his turn, the man 00:03:40.980 --> 00:03:44.610 align:middle line:84% would laugh nervously and say, I can't tell you 00:03:44.610 --> 00:03:45.570 align:middle line:90% what it was like. 00:03:45.570 --> 00:03:48.690 align:middle line:90% I slept right through it. 00:03:48.690 --> 00:03:50.370 align:middle line:84% After a couple of times of coming, 00:03:50.370 --> 00:03:52.545 align:middle line:84% Lee said, the man had not come back. 00:03:52.545 --> 00:03:55.230 align:middle line:90% 00:03:55.230 --> 00:03:57.990 align:middle line:84% I watched a youngish woman with shiny black hair, 00:03:57.990 --> 00:04:00.810 align:middle line:84% who was leaning over Mrs. Lawton's baby grand, 00:04:00.810 --> 00:04:04.020 align:middle line:84% pick out a slow as a dirge version of "Will 00:04:04.020 --> 00:04:06.120 align:middle line:90% You Still Love Me Tomorrow?" 00:04:06.120 --> 00:04:08.100 align:middle line:90% rather pointedly, it turned out. 00:04:08.100 --> 00:04:11.070 align:middle line:84% For as Lee filled me in, the woman at the piano 00:04:11.070 --> 00:04:13.320 align:middle line:84% had just been deserted when she told 00:04:13.320 --> 00:04:15.480 align:middle line:90% her intended about the relapse. 00:04:15.480 --> 00:04:17.880 align:middle line:84% And that this time, she was going to really lose 00:04:17.880 --> 00:04:21.959 align:middle line:90% one, maybe even both. 00:04:21.959 --> 00:04:24.330 align:middle line:84% I walked over and stood to one side of the piano 00:04:24.330 --> 00:04:26.370 align:middle line:90% in an attitude of listening. 00:04:26.370 --> 00:04:31.500 align:middle line:84% The woman looked up and past me out the opened window. 00:04:31.500 --> 00:04:35.100 align:middle line:84% The devil is beating his wife, she said. 00:04:35.100 --> 00:04:38.430 align:middle line:84% It was a sunny day and a rain shower had begun. 00:04:38.430 --> 00:04:42.150 align:middle line:84% And I had not heard that expression, that explanation 00:04:42.150 --> 00:04:45.240 align:middle line:90% since I was a child. 00:04:45.240 --> 00:04:47.370 align:middle line:84% Outside was the kind of garden people 00:04:47.370 --> 00:04:49.560 align:middle line:90% want for summer weddings. 00:04:49.560 --> 00:04:51.330 align:middle line:84% I reached out the living room window 00:04:51.330 --> 00:04:53.970 align:middle line:90% and picked a plum from a tree. 00:04:53.970 --> 00:04:59.340 align:middle line:84% The sun made me squint while the rain was cold on my wrist. 00:04:59.340 --> 00:05:01.900 align:middle line:84% The plum I left on the windowsill 00:05:01.900 --> 00:05:04.740 align:middle line:84% reminded me of a time when I had not been dying 00:05:04.740 --> 00:05:08.250 align:middle line:84% but had thought that I was from nausea that 00:05:08.250 --> 00:05:12.720 align:middle line:84% ruled until I sucked the pulp from a dozen umeboshi plums, 00:05:12.720 --> 00:05:16.110 align:middle line:84% those pickled pits that are packed in glass jars 00:05:16.110 --> 00:05:19.950 align:middle line:84% and shipped to this country from Japan. 00:05:19.950 --> 00:05:23.820 align:middle line:84% How did you die, the woman at the piano asked. 00:05:23.820 --> 00:05:29.130 align:middle line:84% Me, I said, no, well, I mean, I got a divorce. 00:05:29.130 --> 00:05:32.110 align:middle line:90% Talk about dying. 00:05:32.110 --> 00:05:35.490 align:middle line:90% I can be so lame. 00:05:35.490 --> 00:05:37.560 align:middle line:84% I was engaged, the woman at the piano 00:05:37.560 --> 00:05:41.100 align:middle line:84% said listlessly and then said nothing. 00:05:41.100 --> 00:05:43.320 align:middle line:90% Who knew what to say to that? 00:05:43.320 --> 00:05:50.160 align:middle line:84% Sometimes I play when it would be so much better to be dumb. 00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:53.250 align:middle line:84% There was a bang of cords as the black and white cat jumped up 00:05:53.250 --> 00:05:56.730 align:middle line:84% on the black and white keys he was using as a launching pad 00:05:56.730 --> 00:05:59.010 align:middle line:84% to get himself onto the coffee table 00:05:59.010 --> 00:06:03.570 align:middle line:84% where he was going to skid into the tray of refreshments. 00:06:03.570 --> 00:06:06.300 align:middle line:84% Mrs. Lawton looked in from the kitchen. 00:06:06.300 --> 00:06:10.173 align:middle line:84% Lee's friend, she said to me, will you keep Steinway out 00:06:10.173 --> 00:06:10.840 align:middle line:90% of the beignets? 00:06:10.840 --> 00:06:14.550 align:middle line:90% 00:06:14.550 --> 00:06:16.650 align:middle line:84% The women took their places on Mrs. Lawton's 00:06:16.650 --> 00:06:18.960 align:middle line:84% tailored white couch and side chairs 00:06:18.960 --> 00:06:22.320 align:middle line:84% as Mrs. Lawton carried in a tray of mimosas. 00:06:22.320 --> 00:06:24.480 align:middle line:84% When the drinks had been handed out, 00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:28.350 align:middle line:90% Lee was the one who spoke first. 00:06:28.350 --> 00:06:34.020 align:middle line:84% Many men named Pablo entered my life this week. 00:06:34.020 --> 00:06:36.960 align:middle line:84% It was always Lee saying, politics? 00:06:36.960 --> 00:06:37.890 align:middle line:90% Pee-ew. 00:06:37.890 --> 00:06:40.290 align:middle line:90% Can't we talk about men? 00:06:40.290 --> 00:06:42.870 align:middle line:90% Or it was Lee saying, religion? 00:06:42.870 --> 00:06:43.620 align:middle line:90% Pee-ew. 00:06:43.620 --> 00:06:46.140 align:middle line:90% Where are the boys? 00:06:46.140 --> 00:06:47.820 align:middle line:84% That was during religious emphasis 00:06:47.820 --> 00:06:51.570 align:middle line:84% week when ministers in the business of bagging souls 00:06:51.570 --> 00:06:54.180 align:middle line:84% would come to the schools and pass around 00:06:54.180 --> 00:06:56.400 align:middle line:84% in jars the brain of an alcoholic 00:06:56.400 --> 00:07:01.620 align:middle line:84% and the lungs of a smoker, show photographs from prom night 00:07:01.620 --> 00:07:05.720 align:middle line:84% wrecks, speak diatribes against jungle music, 00:07:05.720 --> 00:07:10.430 align:middle line:84% and screen a film advertised as triple X for attendance, 00:07:10.430 --> 00:07:12.980 align:middle line:84% but which was, in fact, the birth of triplets 00:07:12.980 --> 00:07:15.860 align:middle line:84% and too disgusting to even neck in the dark to. 00:07:15.860 --> 00:07:18.850 align:middle line:90% 00:07:18.850 --> 00:07:21.280 align:middle line:84% It was around that time back in Colorado 00:07:21.280 --> 00:07:23.980 align:middle line:84% that, until a short time before, I had last 00:07:23.980 --> 00:07:28.300 align:middle line:84% seen Lee heading into a cemetery after midnight, there 00:07:28.300 --> 00:07:31.960 align:middle line:84% to make time on the grave of Alfred Packer, the state's 00:07:31.960 --> 00:07:34.660 align:middle line:90% famed cannibal. 00:07:34.660 --> 00:07:38.440 align:middle line:84% So when I got Lee's message 15 years after Lee had dropped 00:07:38.440 --> 00:07:40.960 align:middle line:90% out, I called back right away. 00:07:40.960 --> 00:07:46.030 align:middle line:84% I thought this can only be good or bad news. 00:07:46.030 --> 00:07:49.840 align:middle line:84% The news as Lee proceeded to tell the club was tango lessons 00:07:49.840 --> 00:07:52.300 align:middle line:84% and what those lessons had yielded, 00:07:52.300 --> 00:07:55.180 align:middle line:90% a fiancé known as Pablo. 00:07:55.180 --> 00:07:58.060 align:middle line:84% Pablo, the fellow taker of lessons as distinguished 00:07:58.060 --> 00:08:02.380 align:middle line:84% from Pablo or Pablo, the instructors. 00:08:02.380 --> 00:08:05.710 align:middle line:84% He's very, as we say in psychiatry, 00:08:05.710 --> 00:08:09.220 align:middle line:90% inappropriate, Lee said. 00:08:09.220 --> 00:08:10.840 align:middle line:90% But he's nice to you? 00:08:10.840 --> 00:08:14.050 align:middle line:84% The words another woman put in Lee's mouth. 00:08:14.050 --> 00:08:17.290 align:middle line:84% He's nice to anyone who's around him, Lee said. 00:08:17.290 --> 00:08:21.940 align:middle line:84% I just happen to fall into that category a lot. 00:08:21.940 --> 00:08:25.360 align:middle line:84% We don't speak the same language, Lee went on. 00:08:25.360 --> 00:08:28.030 align:middle line:84% So we assume that we like each other. 00:08:28.030 --> 00:08:30.670 align:middle line:84% Cuts out a lot of the, what did you mean by that? 00:08:30.670 --> 00:08:33.580 align:middle line:90% 00:08:33.580 --> 00:08:36.130 align:middle line:84% As Lee went on there in Mrs. Lawton's living room, 00:08:36.130 --> 00:08:39.580 align:middle line:84% I recall Lee's first husband, the one she had left school 00:08:39.580 --> 00:08:41.530 align:middle line:90% to elope with. 00:08:41.530 --> 00:08:45.580 align:middle line:84% Lee, the girl who was always very something I'm not, 00:08:45.580 --> 00:08:49.810 align:middle line:84% married a man who did not like dogs. 00:08:49.810 --> 00:08:52.090 align:middle line:84% Do you see, Lee was saying, what can 00:08:52.090 --> 00:08:57.130 align:middle line:84% happen when you take your body and push it out the door? 00:08:57.130 --> 00:08:58.930 align:middle line:84% I saw the woman at the piano turn around 00:08:58.930 --> 00:09:01.960 align:middle line:90% to offer Lee a grim smile. 00:09:01.960 --> 00:09:04.930 align:middle line:84% Oh, Jean, Lee said to the woman on the piano bench, 00:09:04.930 --> 00:09:11.050 align:middle line:84% come take a lesson, come meet all these Pablos and Rauls. 00:09:11.050 --> 00:09:14.680 align:middle line:84% And then Jean told a story about the man she would have married, 00:09:14.680 --> 00:09:16.960 align:middle line:90% about a dinner they had shared. 00:09:16.960 --> 00:09:19.150 align:middle line:84% The point of which seemed to me to be 00:09:19.150 --> 00:09:24.970 align:middle line:84% that things get worse before they get really terrible. 00:09:24.970 --> 00:09:27.640 align:middle line:84% I had just placed my order, Jean told the club. 00:09:27.640 --> 00:09:30.085 align:middle line:90% And Larry went, ew. 00:09:30.085 --> 00:09:32.020 align:middle line:90% That was fast, I said. 00:09:32.020 --> 00:09:33.220 align:middle line:90% And Larry said, what? 00:09:33.220 --> 00:09:34.600 align:middle line:90% What was fast? 00:09:34.600 --> 00:09:37.180 align:middle line:84% I said, why, only a week ago, you would have said, 00:09:37.180 --> 00:09:41.110 align:middle line:84% what a delightful selection, Jean said. 00:09:41.110 --> 00:09:43.030 align:middle line:84% Next thing, said Jean, I'm telling 00:09:43.030 --> 00:09:46.390 align:middle line:84% Larry what is really on my mind, that things with us 00:09:46.390 --> 00:09:48.670 align:middle line:90% are out of sight, out of mind. 00:09:48.670 --> 00:09:52.330 align:middle line:84% And he says to me, please don't talk in cliches. 00:09:52.330 --> 00:09:57.460 align:middle line:84% It's so not you, you wouldn't believe it, Jean said. 00:09:57.460 --> 00:10:01.630 align:middle line:84% And I thought, he knows me, Jean recalled. 00:10:01.630 --> 00:10:06.130 align:middle line:84% He knows that cliches are not me. 00:10:06.130 --> 00:10:08.740 align:middle line:84% Jean said she thought she might still hear from Larry 00:10:08.740 --> 00:10:10.480 align:middle line:84% but that hoping he would call was 00:10:10.480 --> 00:10:13.090 align:middle line:84% like the praying you do after the bowling ball has 00:10:13.090 --> 00:10:13.900 align:middle line:90% left your hand. 00:10:13.900 --> 00:10:16.440 align:middle line:90% 00:10:16.440 --> 00:10:19.590 align:middle line:84% Several of us reached for our drinks. 00:10:19.590 --> 00:10:22.110 align:middle line:84% Another woman said to Jean, I'm reminding you 00:10:22.110 --> 00:10:25.800 align:middle line:84% that you asked me to remind you that if things got nasty, 00:10:25.800 --> 00:10:28.560 align:middle line:84% I was supposed to remind you that at first you found Larry 00:10:28.560 --> 00:10:29.505 align:middle line:90% a little bit boring. 00:10:29.505 --> 00:10:32.430 align:middle line:90% 00:10:32.430 --> 00:10:35.910 align:middle line:90% Jean looked genuinely pleased. 00:10:35.910 --> 00:10:38.940 align:middle line:84% She said, Larry is the kind of guy who says, 00:10:38.940 --> 00:10:40.590 align:middle line:84% did I ever tell you about the time 00:10:40.590 --> 00:10:44.580 align:middle line:84% I was attacked by a pack of sled dogs in Alaska? 00:10:44.580 --> 00:10:45.630 align:middle line:90% No? 00:10:45.630 --> 00:10:49.650 align:middle line:84% I was in Fairbanks at the time, he starts out, Jean said. 00:10:49.650 --> 00:10:52.410 align:middle line:84% And two years later, you find out it was one sled dog 00:10:52.410 --> 00:10:55.440 align:middle line:90% and it was a puppy. 00:10:55.440 --> 00:10:58.260 align:middle line:84% And his family, my god, Jean said, 00:10:58.260 --> 00:11:01.410 align:middle line:84% these are people so boring it would have to come from a gene. 00:11:01.410 --> 00:11:04.350 align:middle line:90% 00:11:04.350 --> 00:11:07.380 align:middle line:84% I listened as Jean explained how scientists had already 00:11:07.380 --> 00:11:10.350 align:middle line:84% isolated a gene for shyness, so why not 00:11:10.350 --> 00:11:13.830 align:middle line:90% a gene for being boring? 00:11:13.830 --> 00:11:15.510 align:middle line:84% The deeply boring give themselves 00:11:15.510 --> 00:11:20.280 align:middle line:84% away first by the exchange of facts, Jean said. 00:11:20.280 --> 00:11:24.720 align:middle line:84% It's a family reunion, it's been five years, relatives walk in, 00:11:24.720 --> 00:11:25.650 align:middle line:90% hey, how are you? 00:11:25.650 --> 00:11:27.150 align:middle line:90% How'd you get here? 00:11:27.150 --> 00:11:28.800 align:middle line:90% We took 101 South. 00:11:28.800 --> 00:11:33.570 align:middle line:90% 00:11:33.570 --> 00:11:35.070 align:middle line:84% I just know he's going to call you, 00:11:35.070 --> 00:11:38.580 align:middle line:84% said a woman who had not spoken before. 00:11:38.580 --> 00:11:41.070 align:middle line:90% We'll see, Jean said. 00:11:41.070 --> 00:11:43.290 align:middle line:90% We've seen, said Mrs. Lawton. 00:11:43.290 --> 00:11:46.650 align:middle line:90% 00:11:46.650 --> 00:11:49.380 align:middle line:84% The party was planned for a week before Jean was scheduled 00:11:49.380 --> 00:11:51.540 align:middle line:90% to go into the hospital. 00:11:51.540 --> 00:11:53.940 align:middle line:84% Mrs. Lawton canceled the male stripper, 00:11:53.940 --> 00:11:56.950 align:middle line:84% having had a brainstorm in the night. 00:11:56.950 --> 00:11:59.460 align:middle line:84% Mrs. Lawton telephoned the members of the club 00:11:59.460 --> 00:12:02.580 align:middle line:84% and asked each woman to bring a piece of lingerie. 00:12:02.580 --> 00:12:06.570 align:middle line:84% She gave out Jean's measurements over the phone. 00:12:06.570 --> 00:12:08.790 align:middle line:84% You remember the last time she went in, 00:12:08.790 --> 00:12:10.740 align:middle line:90% Mrs. Lawton said to Lee. 00:12:10.740 --> 00:12:13.800 align:middle line:84% She wore that old, white, faux, quilted robe 00:12:13.800 --> 00:12:15.135 align:middle line:90% that looked like a panty liner. 00:12:15.135 --> 00:12:17.970 align:middle line:90% 00:12:17.970 --> 00:12:21.570 align:middle line:84% Mrs. Lawton instructed Lee to buy something in satin. 00:12:21.570 --> 00:12:25.080 align:middle line:84% Tap pants, maybe, or what she called a pop-up bra. 00:12:25.080 --> 00:12:27.780 align:middle line:90% 00:12:27.780 --> 00:12:30.450 align:middle line:84% We learned that she had made Patsy Kendrick the designated 00:12:30.450 --> 00:12:31.710 align:middle line:90% photographer-- 00:12:31.710 --> 00:12:34.620 align:middle line:84% she would have to stay in focus in the face of white wine 00:12:34.620 --> 00:12:37.740 align:middle line:84% spritzers-- and told her to bring a jar of Vaseline 00:12:37.740 --> 00:12:40.800 align:middle line:84% to smear centerfold-style on the lens. 00:12:40.800 --> 00:12:44.720 align:middle line:90% 00:12:44.720 --> 00:12:46.430 align:middle line:84% Mrs. Lawton had figured the club would 00:12:46.430 --> 00:12:49.430 align:middle line:84% have to get Jean tanked to agree to the pictures. 00:12:49.430 --> 00:12:51.680 align:middle line:84% But after only one spritzer, Jean 00:12:51.680 --> 00:12:53.930 align:middle line:84% was lounging on Mrs. Lawton's sofa 00:12:53.930 --> 00:12:57.320 align:middle line:84% in a champagne teddy and marabou-trimmed satin 00:12:57.320 --> 00:12:59.750 align:middle line:90% high-heeled slippers. 00:12:59.750 --> 00:13:02.450 align:middle line:84% She slipped a strand of pearls into her mouth, 00:13:02.450 --> 00:13:07.520 align:middle line:84% made as though biting them, and pouted for Patsy Kendrick. 00:13:07.520 --> 00:13:11.600 align:middle line:84% This one is for the surgeon, Jean said, and dropped a strap, 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:15.980 align:middle line:84% exposing the breast she was going to lose. 00:13:15.980 --> 00:13:18.830 align:middle line:84% I was once given a teddy, Lee said. 00:13:18.830 --> 00:13:20.600 align:middle line:84% A man I had been out with only once 00:13:20.600 --> 00:13:23.000 align:middle line:90% gave me half a dozen teddies. 00:13:23.000 --> 00:13:25.910 align:middle line:84% Some were banded with the Alencon lace, 00:13:25.910 --> 00:13:29.000 align:middle line:84% some were embroidered with seed pearls. 00:13:29.000 --> 00:13:32.180 align:middle line:84% I know I should have returned them in a huff, Lee said. 00:13:32.180 --> 00:13:34.410 align:middle line:90% But you should have seen them. 00:13:34.410 --> 00:13:36.320 align:middle line:90% So I kept them in a huff. 00:13:36.320 --> 00:13:39.230 align:middle line:90% 00:13:39.230 --> 00:13:42.260 align:middle line:84% Don't shoot me from that angle, Jean cried out. 00:13:42.260 --> 00:13:46.850 align:middle line:84% I saw her motion Patsy Kendrick to aim from above, not below. 00:13:46.850 --> 00:13:50.000 align:middle line:90% Jean sucked in her stomach. 00:13:50.000 --> 00:13:52.220 align:middle line:84% Three months in a gym and I'd weigh 00:13:52.220 --> 00:13:54.920 align:middle line:84% what I lied on my driver's license, she said. 00:13:54.920 --> 00:13:57.920 align:middle line:90% 00:13:57.920 --> 00:14:01.640 align:middle line:84% None of the women seem to be expected back home. 00:14:01.640 --> 00:14:03.980 align:middle line:84% The luncheon was heading into its fifth hour 00:14:03.980 --> 00:14:06.320 align:middle line:84% when our pixelated hostess told us 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:09.830 align:middle line:84% the story of the love of her life, which was not, 00:14:09.830 --> 00:14:13.490 align:middle line:90% it turned out, Mr. Lawton. 00:14:13.490 --> 00:14:16.820 align:middle line:84% It seemed to be a story she had told before because, for one 00:14:16.820 --> 00:14:18.200 align:middle line:90% thing, it had a title. 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:21.920 align:middle line:90% 00:14:21.920 --> 00:14:27.830 align:middle line:84% The day I had everything, Mrs. Lawton began. 00:14:27.830 --> 00:14:31.820 align:middle line:84% The man told me a story about the day he had everything. 00:14:31.820 --> 00:14:34.370 align:middle line:84% He was eight years old, he said, and was 00:14:34.370 --> 00:14:37.580 align:middle line:84% spending in a hospital bed what his parents believed 00:14:37.580 --> 00:14:40.250 align:middle line:90% was the last day of his life. 00:14:40.250 --> 00:14:44.120 align:middle line:84% And his parents brought from home every one of his toys, 00:14:44.120 --> 00:14:47.480 align:middle line:84% plus new ones bought for him just for that day. 00:14:47.480 --> 00:14:51.890 align:middle line:84% Everything the eight-year-old boy had ever wanted. 00:14:51.890 --> 00:14:54.590 align:middle line:84% The next day, the man told me, the doctor 00:14:54.590 --> 00:14:57.740 align:middle line:84% said he was not going to perish after all. 00:14:57.740 --> 00:15:03.150 align:middle line:84% That he instead had another, a highly contagious disease. 00:15:03.150 --> 00:15:05.210 align:middle line:84% The boy would live, the doctor said. 00:15:05.210 --> 00:15:10.100 align:middle line:84% And then ordered all the infected toys destroyed. 00:15:10.100 --> 00:15:12.140 align:middle line:84% One day I had everything, the man said, 00:15:12.140 --> 00:15:14.750 align:middle line:90% and the next day, I had nothing. 00:15:14.750 --> 00:15:17.550 align:middle line:84% He said this as though he were giving instruction. 00:15:17.550 --> 00:15:20.420 align:middle line:90% 00:15:20.420 --> 00:15:22.220 align:middle line:84% But your life, I said to the man, 00:15:22.220 --> 00:15:26.510 align:middle line:84% you had nothing but your life, Mrs. Lawton said. 00:15:26.510 --> 00:15:29.450 align:middle line:90% She waited a beat then went on. 00:15:29.450 --> 00:15:33.500 align:middle line:84% Now I wish that man had told me something that began, 00:15:33.500 --> 00:15:37.070 align:middle line:84% no one else knows this, so that I could tell the thing 00:15:37.070 --> 00:15:39.320 align:middle line:90% to every one of you. 00:15:39.320 --> 00:15:42.050 align:middle line:84% What is the point of these hot collisions if not to be 00:15:42.050 --> 00:15:45.440 align:middle line:90% able to prove you were there? 00:15:45.440 --> 00:15:48.830 align:middle line:84% Listen to what he said to me, Mrs. Lawton said. 00:15:48.830 --> 00:15:53.270 align:middle line:84% He said he almost fainted from not touching me, she said. 00:15:53.270 --> 00:15:55.820 align:middle line:84% He said that to me the first time I saw him 00:15:55.820 --> 00:15:58.730 align:middle line:90% and the last time I saw him. 00:15:58.730 --> 00:16:02.000 align:middle line:84% The day was the same, Mrs. Lawton said. 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:03.980 align:middle line:90% The day I had everything. 00:16:03.980 --> 00:16:07.810 align:middle line:90% 00:16:07.810 --> 00:16:11.260 align:middle line:84% I wish I could say smart things just by saying them 00:16:11.260 --> 00:16:15.190 align:middle line:84% because Mrs. Lawton's story made me feel something. 00:16:15.190 --> 00:16:16.870 align:middle line:90% But the moment was lost. 00:16:16.870 --> 00:16:21.100 align:middle line:84% The story seemed to be a sort of cue or simply a conversation 00:16:21.100 --> 00:16:23.110 align:middle line:90% stopper. 00:16:23.110 --> 00:16:26.680 align:middle line:84% The club members were on their feet, not exactly reeling, 00:16:26.680 --> 00:16:32.120 align:middle line:84% but neither were they moving with dispatch toward the door. 00:16:32.120 --> 00:16:34.390 align:middle line:84% Jean, the soft porn guest of honor, 00:16:34.390 --> 00:16:36.340 align:middle line:84% was changing in the open into another 00:16:36.340 --> 00:16:40.690 align:middle line:84% of her gifts, a black-lace camisole and matching tap 00:16:40.690 --> 00:16:42.220 align:middle line:90% pants. 00:16:42.220 --> 00:16:43.900 align:middle line:90% Her face was flushed. 00:16:43.900 --> 00:16:47.410 align:middle line:84% She no longer looked as though she found the world intolerably 00:16:47.410 --> 00:16:50.170 align:middle line:90% apocalyptic. 00:16:50.170 --> 00:16:53.110 align:middle line:84% I heard a perfectly groomed blonde woman talking to Jean 00:16:53.110 --> 00:16:55.780 align:middle line:90% while she was undressing. 00:16:55.780 --> 00:16:57.970 align:middle line:84% A facial didn't seem like enough, 00:16:57.970 --> 00:17:01.150 align:middle line:84% the blonde woman was saying, so I pointed myself 00:17:01.150 --> 00:17:02.950 align:middle line:90% toward the jeweler. 00:17:02.950 --> 00:17:05.599 align:middle line:84% When people ask me how I'm doing, 00:17:05.599 --> 00:17:07.825 align:middle line:90% I say look at these pearls. 00:17:07.825 --> 00:17:10.450 align:middle line:90% 00:17:10.450 --> 00:17:12.360 align:middle line:84% In the kitchen, I happened on to a sort 00:17:12.360 --> 00:17:16.300 align:middle line:90% of you-think-that's-bad contest. 00:17:16.300 --> 00:17:18.700 align:middle line:90% Him, a woman said. 00:17:18.700 --> 00:17:22.781 align:middle line:84% The only book he ever read was the first chapter of Iacocca. 00:17:22.781 --> 00:17:25.950 align:middle line:90% 00:17:25.950 --> 00:17:28.950 align:middle line:84% In a little while, it was just Lee, and me, and Jean, and Mrs. 00:17:28.950 --> 00:17:30.390 align:middle line:90% Lawton. 00:17:30.390 --> 00:17:32.670 align:middle line:84% Jean was talking about Larry again 00:17:32.670 --> 00:17:35.580 align:middle line:90% and looking the worse for it. 00:17:35.580 --> 00:17:38.460 align:middle line:84% I pictured us doing apples at Christmas, 00:17:38.460 --> 00:17:43.950 align:middle line:84% all that cozy Currier and Ives shit, all that time thinking, 00:17:43.950 --> 00:17:45.750 align:middle line:90% what we have. 00:17:45.750 --> 00:17:48.750 align:middle line:90% Love sometimes passes for it. 00:17:48.750 --> 00:17:53.700 align:middle line:84% When I should have been thinking love passes. 00:17:53.700 --> 00:17:56.940 align:middle line:84% Mrs. Lawton told Jean to tell Lee and me the last thing 00:17:56.940 --> 00:17:58.920 align:middle line:90% Larry had said before he left. 00:17:58.920 --> 00:18:02.850 align:middle line:84% And Jean said that his last words to her had been, 00:18:02.850 --> 00:18:07.110 align:middle line:84% everything I did with you was love. 00:18:07.110 --> 00:18:12.180 align:middle line:84% That was awfully sweet of that fucking idiot to say, Lee said. 00:18:12.180 --> 00:18:13.322 align:middle line:90% That cracked Jean up. 00:18:13.322 --> 00:18:15.030 align:middle line:84% And then she seemed to think of something 00:18:15.030 --> 00:18:16.860 align:middle line:90% that cracked her up more. 00:18:16.860 --> 00:18:20.070 align:middle line:84% What she thought of she shared with the three of us 00:18:20.070 --> 00:18:22.680 align:middle line:84% and I ran straight to the bathroom and wrote down what 00:18:22.680 --> 00:18:24.540 align:middle line:90% she said. 00:18:24.540 --> 00:18:27.990 align:middle line:84% I wanted to be able to pass it along. 00:18:27.990 --> 00:18:30.480 align:middle line:84% Jean was trying to describe what she felt it would 00:18:30.480 --> 00:18:33.300 align:middle line:90% be like to be married to Larry. 00:18:33.300 --> 00:18:36.870 align:middle line:84% She said it would be like staying in a bad hotel 00:18:36.870 --> 00:18:40.410 align:middle line:84% and being forced to send postcards of it to your friends 00:18:40.410 --> 00:18:42.960 align:middle line:90% with arrows pointing to my room. 00:18:42.960 --> 00:18:46.060 align:middle line:90% 00:18:46.060 --> 00:18:49.560 align:middle line:90% I'm glad I wrote that down. 00:18:49.560 --> 00:18:52.080 align:middle line:84% When I came back into Mrs. Lawton's living room, 00:18:52.080 --> 00:18:54.510 align:middle line:90% the women had recovered. 00:18:54.510 --> 00:18:57.090 align:middle line:90% Lee's mascara had smeared. 00:18:57.090 --> 00:19:00.270 align:middle line:90% Everyone turned to me. 00:19:00.270 --> 00:19:03.300 align:middle line:84% What kind of look are you having, Lee's friend? 00:19:03.300 --> 00:19:06.240 align:middle line:90% This from Jean. 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:10.290 align:middle line:84% It came back to me why the club had given Jean this party. 00:19:10.290 --> 00:19:16.590 align:middle line:84% And I felt ashamed for my answer but I told Jane the truth. 00:19:16.590 --> 00:19:19.000 align:middle line:90% I met someone, I said. 00:19:19.000 --> 00:19:20.400 align:middle line:90% I'm happy. 00:19:20.400 --> 00:19:21.555 align:middle line:90% I'm probably in love. 00:19:21.555 --> 00:19:24.150 align:middle line:90% 00:19:24.150 --> 00:19:27.510 align:middle line:84% Jean didn't know me and Mrs. Lawton didn't know me, 00:19:27.510 --> 00:19:31.710 align:middle line:84% but that didn't stop them from shrieking with glee. 00:19:31.710 --> 00:19:34.540 align:middle line:90% Mrs. Lawton asked how we met. 00:19:34.540 --> 00:19:37.830 align:middle line:90% I told an unexceptional story. 00:19:37.830 --> 00:19:40.650 align:middle line:90% And he called you, Jean said. 00:19:40.650 --> 00:19:43.950 align:middle line:90% He called me that night, I said. 00:19:43.950 --> 00:19:47.370 align:middle line:84% Tell me everything, Jean said, moving closer. 00:19:47.370 --> 00:19:49.440 align:middle line:90% Start from ring, ring, ring." 00:19:49.440 --> 00:19:52.912 align:middle line:90% 00:19:52.912 --> 00:19:53.904 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:19:53.904 --> 00:19:54.896 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:19:54.896 --> 00:20:00.860 align:middle line:90% 00:20:00.860 --> 00:20:03.010 align:middle line:90% Thanks very much.