WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.690 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.690 --> 00:00:03.930 align:middle line:84% She grabbed a package of spaghetti as if it was a club 00:00:03.930 --> 00:00:09.580 align:middle line:84% and stared at the wall paralyzed by the idea of them out there. 00:00:09.580 --> 00:00:11.940 align:middle line:84% Well, they hadn't been going out for a week. 00:00:11.940 --> 00:00:14.520 align:middle line:84% When Natalie got in his brother's car, 00:00:14.520 --> 00:00:18.540 align:middle line:84% and rode out to the next county, they ate at Howard Johnson's. 00:00:18.540 --> 00:00:21.300 align:middle line:84% She ordered an ice cream sundae, and he ordered a grilled cheese 00:00:21.300 --> 00:00:26.220 align:middle line:84% sandwich to go, in case she wanted to go. all of a sudden. 00:00:26.220 --> 00:00:28.230 align:middle line:84% She ate her sundae and ordered a milkshake. 00:00:28.230 --> 00:00:29.700 align:middle line:90% He couldn't eat. 00:00:29.700 --> 00:00:33.210 align:middle line:84% He bought her a blue shirt in a fancy store, a boutique. 00:00:33.210 --> 00:00:34.650 align:middle line:90% It's a nice shirt, he said. 00:00:34.650 --> 00:00:36.000 align:middle line:90% It looks nice on you. 00:00:36.000 --> 00:00:37.560 align:middle line:90% It's a blouse, she said-- 00:00:37.560 --> 00:00:40.620 align:middle line:84% turning for him in the parking lot with her eyes closed. 00:00:40.620 --> 00:00:42.990 align:middle line:90% A blouse, he repeated. 00:00:42.990 --> 00:00:45.510 align:middle line:84% She made him drive faster, clinging to his arm 00:00:45.510 --> 00:00:48.660 align:middle line:84% with her lips pecking gently against the nape of his neck. 00:00:48.660 --> 00:00:50.730 align:middle line:90% God, she said-- god. 00:00:50.730 --> 00:00:52.710 align:middle line:90% Her breath smelled of chocolate. 00:00:52.710 --> 00:00:55.530 align:middle line:84% His eyes watered when she rested her hand on his knee 00:00:55.530 --> 00:00:58.860 align:middle line:84% and started to rub his thigh as if he were cold. 00:00:58.860 --> 00:01:00.870 align:middle line:90% She rubbed until his leg burned. 00:01:00.870 --> 00:01:03.870 align:middle line:84% Her stomach rose and sank over the gentle slopes 00:01:03.870 --> 00:01:07.860 align:middle line:84% as Dion pressed down harder on the pedal. 00:01:07.860 --> 00:01:12.327 align:middle line:84% He said nothing, and she loved the way he said it. 00:01:12.327 --> 00:01:14.160 align:middle line:84% She didn't want to go home, and so they kept 00:01:14.160 --> 00:01:15.570 align:middle line:90% going in another direction. 00:01:15.570 --> 00:01:17.580 align:middle line:84% All the roads look the same at night. 00:01:17.580 --> 00:01:21.750 align:middle line:84% She said it clearly to him, love, just before dawn. 00:01:21.750 --> 00:01:24.180 align:middle line:84% And he was afraid as they parked by a river-- 00:01:24.180 --> 00:01:25.950 align:middle line:84% further away from home than she had ever 00:01:25.950 --> 00:01:27.660 align:middle line:90% been-- of touching her. 00:01:27.660 --> 00:01:30.900 align:middle line:84% So she touched him, as she had seen herself touch him 00:01:30.900 --> 00:01:31.860 align:middle line:90% in her mind. 00:01:31.860 --> 00:01:35.730 align:middle line:84% And just as she had imagined, he held absolutely still. 00:01:35.730 --> 00:01:38.910 align:middle line:84% If he said anything, he said what she thought he would say. 00:01:38.910 --> 00:01:40.890 align:middle line:84% He said what she wanted him to say, 00:01:40.890 --> 00:01:43.170 align:middle line:84% what we all wanted to hear, things 00:01:43.170 --> 00:01:44.820 align:middle line:84% he had never said to anyone, words 00:01:44.820 --> 00:01:47.130 align:middle line:84% he had never thought before, whose meaning he would not 00:01:47.130 --> 00:01:48.690 align:middle line:90% have been able to explain. 00:01:48.690 --> 00:01:51.180 align:middle line:84% But felt as he said them, as clearly as he 00:01:51.180 --> 00:01:54.750 align:middle line:84% felt her breath on his neck, as surely sweet as her hair was 00:01:54.750 --> 00:01:58.320 align:middle line:84% soft, as clearly as he felt he was not the same, he would not 00:01:58.320 --> 00:02:02.310 align:middle line:84% ever want anything, anyone, as much as he wanted her. 00:02:02.310 --> 00:02:03.840 align:middle line:90% The night she didn't come home-- 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:06.600 align:middle line:84% the first night ever-- people thought of her bruised 00:02:06.600 --> 00:02:09.240 align:middle line:84% and bleeding in the corner of some motel room 00:02:09.240 --> 00:02:11.880 align:middle line:84% halfway between Vaughan and Mississippi. 00:02:11.880 --> 00:02:15.000 align:middle line:84% Others thought of her in the Hyatt in Boston. 00:02:15.000 --> 00:02:17.922 align:middle line:84% Or they wouldn't wait so long, the Marriott in Portsmouth. 00:02:17.922 --> 00:02:19.380 align:middle line:84% Or they were on a cruise, probably, 00:02:19.380 --> 00:02:22.020 align:middle line:84% on the Scotia Prince headed for Halifax gambling 00:02:22.020 --> 00:02:24.053 align:middle line:90% in black tie and satin dress. 00:02:24.053 --> 00:02:25.970 align:middle line:84% And still others said, shaking their heads no, 00:02:25.970 --> 00:02:27.300 align:middle line:90% no, no, she's gone. 00:02:27.300 --> 00:02:29.700 align:middle line:84% She's long gone from us lying somewhere 00:02:29.700 --> 00:02:31.080 align:middle line:90% by the railroad tracks. 00:02:31.080 --> 00:02:33.480 align:middle line:84% The man in the caboose will find her the next time 00:02:33.480 --> 00:02:35.310 align:middle line:90% we hear the Boston and Maine. 00:02:35.310 --> 00:02:37.650 align:middle line:84% She's somewhere between Haymarket and Bangor 00:02:37.650 --> 00:02:41.730 align:middle line:84% bleeding into the gravel, her linens smudged, silk torn, 00:02:41.730 --> 00:02:43.860 align:middle line:84% the blush of her cheeks chalk white. 00:02:43.860 --> 00:02:47.098 align:middle line:84% And Dion, he's halfway to Mexico by now. 00:02:47.098 --> 00:02:49.140 align:middle line:84% Andy was the only one who got it right-- the more 00:02:49.140 --> 00:02:50.040 align:middle line:90% obvious answer. 00:02:50.040 --> 00:02:51.540 align:middle line:84% They lay side by side in the back 00:02:51.540 --> 00:02:54.120 align:middle line:84% of his brother's car parked on the edge 00:02:54.120 --> 00:02:56.820 align:middle line:90% of a field in the next county. 00:02:56.820 --> 00:02:59.160 align:middle line:84% Natalie pulled the blanket beneath her chin, 00:02:59.160 --> 00:03:01.230 align:middle line:84% as he pulled her head against his chest 00:03:01.230 --> 00:03:04.020 align:middle line:84% and ran a single finger through her hair. 00:03:04.020 --> 00:03:06.240 align:middle line:84% When she tilted her head, only her bangs 00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:08.250 align:middle line:84% and her lips caught the moonlight. 00:03:08.250 --> 00:03:10.950 align:middle line:90% 00:03:10.950 --> 00:03:15.360 align:middle line:84% Everywhere my friend Andy and I went was in search of her, 00:03:15.360 --> 00:03:18.480 align:middle line:84% just as Mr. Dawson drove up and down Litchfield Road and all 00:03:18.480 --> 00:03:20.280 align:middle line:84% the way across town to the Quarry 00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:23.250 align:middle line:84% and back, saying to himself, he was on an errand-- 00:03:23.250 --> 00:03:25.680 align:middle line:84% when he was really hoping, just for a moment, 00:03:25.680 --> 00:03:27.846 align:middle line:90% to catch a glimpse of her. 00:03:27.846 --> 00:03:30.870 align:middle line:84% Her mother told herself, she had known the time would come. 00:03:30.870 --> 00:03:34.290 align:middle line:84% But not like this, she said to herself, not with him. 00:03:34.290 --> 00:03:36.060 align:middle line:84% She'd thought of Ron and the wedding, 00:03:36.060 --> 00:03:37.950 align:middle line:84% the white dress she would sew-- had already 00:03:37.950 --> 00:03:41.130 align:middle line:84% spent hours and days, years, shaping in her mind. 00:03:41.130 --> 00:03:44.970 align:middle line:84% Even if they found her, she would not be the same now. 00:03:44.970 --> 00:03:46.860 align:middle line:84% The members of the basketball team, 00:03:46.860 --> 00:03:49.470 align:middle line:84% sure that they would lose the final game in the season 00:03:49.470 --> 00:03:52.560 align:middle line:84% and miss the playoffs, were home with their parents 00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:55.110 align:middle line:84% watching television or eating potato chips 00:03:55.110 --> 00:03:57.570 align:middle line:84% or talking on the phone or listening to their parents 00:03:57.570 --> 00:04:00.630 align:middle line:84% talking in the next room or lying on their backs thinking 00:04:00.630 --> 00:04:02.220 align:middle line:90% of Dion out there with her. 00:04:02.220 --> 00:04:05.400 align:middle line:84% They listened to the sound of crickets and cars passing 00:04:05.400 --> 00:04:07.410 align:middle line:84% and shouts from up the street and dogs 00:04:07.410 --> 00:04:11.250 align:middle line:84% barking and pots clinking in the sink and footsteps of sisters 00:04:11.250 --> 00:04:14.160 align:middle line:84% on the stairways, while they thought of him out there 00:04:14.160 --> 00:04:16.649 align:middle line:84% touching her neck with the tips of his fingers 00:04:16.649 --> 00:04:19.800 align:middle line:84% before looking away to drive the car. 00:04:19.800 --> 00:04:23.130 align:middle line:84% All over town, parents of girls who would be like, 00:04:23.130 --> 00:04:24.960 align:middle line:84% or wanted to be like her, and boys 00:04:24.960 --> 00:04:27.810 align:middle line:84% who might think of doing what Dion had done, 00:04:27.810 --> 00:04:30.300 align:middle line:84% lay in bed staring at the ceiling. 00:04:30.300 --> 00:04:33.720 align:middle line:84% No image, no story once started, would complete itself 00:04:33.720 --> 00:04:35.010 align:middle line:90% in their minds. 00:04:35.010 --> 00:04:37.140 align:middle line:90% She was tied in the back seat. 00:04:37.140 --> 00:04:40.230 align:middle line:84% The purple-- no, probably the pink silk shirt-- 00:04:40.230 --> 00:04:42.450 align:middle line:84% ripped down the front, and her pale breast 00:04:42.450 --> 00:04:44.550 align:middle line:84% shivering in the moonlight with her nipples 00:04:44.550 --> 00:04:46.440 align:middle line:90% like cherries on cream pie. 00:04:46.440 --> 00:04:47.910 align:middle line:90% And where was he-- 00:04:47.910 --> 00:04:49.230 align:middle line:90% hovering above her. 00:04:49.230 --> 00:04:51.450 align:middle line:90% Just a hand comes into view. 00:04:51.450 --> 00:04:54.150 align:middle line:84% He was gentle now that he had what he wanted. 00:04:54.150 --> 00:04:55.800 align:middle line:84% Or, she was running down the road 00:04:55.800 --> 00:04:57.420 align:middle line:90% in front of the headlights. 00:04:57.420 --> 00:05:01.260 align:middle line:84% In our minds, love had gone bad-- 00:05:01.260 --> 00:05:03.210 align:middle line:90% but not in theirs. 00:05:03.210 --> 00:05:06.480 align:middle line:84% No, Natalie said, pushing off his chest, not here. 00:05:06.480 --> 00:05:08.440 align:middle line:90% I want it to be perfect. 00:05:08.440 --> 00:05:10.650 align:middle line:84% He didn't understand, though he obeyed her. 00:05:10.650 --> 00:05:12.420 align:middle line:84% And she pulled him back against her 00:05:12.420 --> 00:05:14.640 align:middle line:84% on the seat where they lay together. 00:05:14.640 --> 00:05:17.160 align:middle line:84% Her lips traveling over his face. 00:05:17.160 --> 00:05:19.660 align:middle line:90% Just hold still, she said. 00:05:19.660 --> 00:05:21.970 align:middle line:84% I always knew, she said, it would be like this. 00:05:21.970 --> 00:05:24.990 align:middle line:84% He didn't know what "it" was, or what "this" was, only 00:05:24.990 --> 00:05:26.610 align:middle line:90% that he had been chosen. 00:05:26.610 --> 00:05:28.950 align:middle line:84% He closed his eyes as she pressed his face 00:05:28.950 --> 00:05:30.360 align:middle line:90% against her sweater. 00:05:30.360 --> 00:05:32.160 align:middle line:90% All he could smell was her. 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:34.080 align:middle line:84% I love you, she said, again and again, 00:05:34.080 --> 00:05:37.290 align:middle line:84% until the sound of her voice covered him like a blanket. 00:05:37.290 --> 00:05:39.720 align:middle line:90% I want to hear you say it. 00:05:39.720 --> 00:05:42.160 align:middle line:90% He said, he had already said it. 00:05:42.160 --> 00:05:43.710 align:middle line:84% But she wanted him to say it again, 00:05:43.710 --> 00:05:46.740 align:middle line:84% so he did, repeating it into her sweater, into her breasts. 00:05:46.740 --> 00:05:49.560 align:middle line:90% You do, she said, don't you? 00:05:49.560 --> 00:05:51.840 align:middle line:84% She told him to hold his hands at his sides 00:05:51.840 --> 00:05:53.490 align:middle line:90% no matter what she did. 00:05:53.490 --> 00:05:56.010 align:middle line:84% He smiled at her as if she was kidding. 00:05:56.010 --> 00:06:00.000 align:middle line:84% He nodded in a way that made her love him even more. 00:06:00.000 --> 00:06:01.320 align:middle line:90% He was her child. 00:06:01.320 --> 00:06:03.450 align:middle line:84% Hold still, she said, and he nodded. 00:06:03.450 --> 00:06:05.100 align:middle line:90% You nodded, she scolded. 00:06:05.100 --> 00:06:07.320 align:middle line:90% And he tried not to smile. 00:06:07.320 --> 00:06:10.590 align:middle line:84% She sat on his lap feeling her shorts ride up 00:06:10.590 --> 00:06:12.900 align:middle line:84% and ran a finger along his forearm. 00:06:12.900 --> 00:06:14.760 align:middle line:90% His fingers twitched. 00:06:14.760 --> 00:06:17.730 align:middle line:84% Abruptly, she laid her palms flat against his chest 00:06:17.730 --> 00:06:18.570 align:middle line:90% and pushed. 00:06:18.570 --> 00:06:22.080 align:middle line:84% Angling her chin up, she took one shoulder in each hand 00:06:22.080 --> 00:06:24.720 align:middle line:84% and ran her hands down his arms as if she were wringing out 00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:25.950 align:middle line:90% wet clothes. 00:06:25.950 --> 00:06:27.180 align:middle line:90% He grinned. 00:06:27.180 --> 00:06:29.130 align:middle line:90% Stop that, she said. 00:06:29.130 --> 00:06:30.990 align:middle line:84% She undid her blouse and bra, then put 00:06:30.990 --> 00:06:33.960 align:middle line:84% one hand on each shoulder, one against the side of his cheek 00:06:33.960 --> 00:06:36.750 align:middle line:84% and lowered her chest against his face-- 00:06:36.750 --> 00:06:39.420 align:middle line:84% wrapping her arms around the back of his head. 00:06:39.420 --> 00:06:40.590 align:middle line:90% He raised his hands. 00:06:40.590 --> 00:06:41.910 align:middle line:90% She pushed them back down. 00:06:41.910 --> 00:06:43.110 align:middle line:90% He raised them again. 00:06:43.110 --> 00:06:44.850 align:middle line:90% She took them and sat on them. 00:06:44.850 --> 00:06:46.230 align:middle line:90% There, she said. 00:06:46.230 --> 00:06:49.290 align:middle line:84% She leaned forward, pulling his nose between her breasts. 00:06:49.290 --> 00:06:52.590 align:middle line:84% His mustache tickling her skin and found 00:06:52.590 --> 00:06:56.380 align:middle line:84% the edge of his knuckle between her legs. 00:06:56.380 --> 00:06:58.830 align:middle line:84% They rocked together as if in an embrace 00:06:58.830 --> 00:07:03.240 align:middle line:84% of grief until her breasts came in quick, panicked bursts. 00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:04.740 align:middle line:84% She squeezed the back of his head 00:07:04.740 --> 00:07:07.170 align:middle line:84% so tightly he yelled into her chest. 00:07:07.170 --> 00:07:08.460 align:middle line:90% And then, she rolled off him. 00:07:08.460 --> 00:07:11.280 align:middle line:84% Backing against the far door, pulling her blouse 00:07:11.280 --> 00:07:15.120 align:middle line:84% over her chest, her face was scrunched up and smeared. 00:07:15.120 --> 00:07:18.360 align:middle line:84% Don't tell anyone what happened, she mumbled. 00:07:18.360 --> 00:07:21.520 align:middle line:84% His mind raced for something to say-- not the wrong thing. 00:07:21.520 --> 00:07:22.020 align:middle line:90% What? 00:07:22.020 --> 00:07:23.228 align:middle line:90% What, he said, what happened? 00:07:23.228 --> 00:07:26.040 align:middle line:90% 00:07:26.040 --> 00:07:27.120 align:middle line:90% She shook her head. 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:28.860 align:middle line:90% I don't know, she said. 00:07:28.860 --> 00:07:31.860 align:middle line:84% Whatever had happened, it wasn't his fault. It was obviously 00:07:31.860 --> 00:07:34.140 align:middle line:90% her fault. She was cold. 00:07:34.140 --> 00:07:37.260 align:middle line:84% The windows had steamed up, but were now frosted over. 00:07:37.260 --> 00:07:40.230 align:middle line:84% It's all right, she said, thinking of the movies, TV. 00:07:40.230 --> 00:07:42.780 align:middle line:84% It had all gone just like that until now. 00:07:42.780 --> 00:07:44.910 align:middle line:84% She tried to think of what would happen next. 00:07:44.910 --> 00:07:48.380 align:middle line:84% I'm scared, she said, trying to follow the script.