WEBVTT

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This next one is a
double abecedarian,

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which means it runs A to Z down
the left hand side, and Z to A

00:00:08.900 --> 00:00:10.010 align:middle line:90%
down the right.

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It's also one long
sentence, so I

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have to take a breath
before it starts.

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It's called,
"Alcatraz, and Back".

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"All I'm saying is this
guy, this showbiz blusterer,

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bursts in with his 'Ray
Charles this' and 'Jerry Lewis

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that,' waves a fax detailing
ways to blackmail these

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'powerful people', then,
like Yuri Andropov,

00:00:32.060 --> 00:00:36.080 align:middle line:84%
falls dead at my feet, a real
Lou-Gehrig-streak-over moment,

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Heaven's Haul for that guy, but
my problems increase fifty-fold

00:00:40.190 --> 00:00:43.070 align:middle line:84%
because with Mr.
Jerry-Lewis-scammer dead,

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I look like a John Q. Killer,
complete with celebrity

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addresses and a map, leaving
aside questions of motive and--

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O my God, I haven't even
mentioned the ten nuns who live

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next door and whose MO is to
make my life a measurable Hell,

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partly through some Persian
voodoo triple-speak,

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quite indecipherable, natch,
e.g., 'You baba ghanouj, adj.

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really, bad man, we
are calling the FBI,

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so help you,' which happened,
and which totally was not

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helpful, and partly by
encouraging underclassmen from

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the seminary to visit
me, as if vengeance

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of the court-appointed
sort wasn't adequate,

00:01:17.690 --> 00:01:21.110 align:middle line:84%
which brings me to the present,
and my new map, with y-

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and x-intercepts, and my
new knowledge that Jerry

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Lewis's basic yield
is, never mind,

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and that Ray Charles is
catching celeb Z's in Heaven,

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or in Hell, or in absentia."

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