This next one is a double abecedarian,
which means it runs A to Z down the left hand side, and Z to A
down the right.
It's also one long sentence, so I
have to take a breath before it starts.
It's called, "Alcatraz, and Back".
"All I'm saying is this guy, this showbiz blusterer,
bursts in with his 'Ray Charles this' and 'Jerry Lewis
that,' waves a fax detailing ways to blackmail these
'powerful people', then, like Yuri Andropov,
falls dead at my feet, a real Lou-Gehrig-streak-over moment,
Heaven's Haul for that guy, but my problems increase fifty-fold
because with Mr. Jerry-Lewis-scammer dead,
I look like a John Q. Killer, complete with celebrity
addresses and a map, leaving aside questions of motive and--
O my God, I haven't even mentioned the ten nuns who live
next door and whose MO is to make my life a measurable Hell,
partly through some Persian voodoo triple-speak,
quite indecipherable, natch, e.g., 'You baba ghanouj, adj.
really, bad man, we are calling the FBI,
so help you,' which happened, and which totally was not
helpful, and partly by encouraging underclassmen from
the seminary to visit me, as if vengeance
of the court-appointed sort wasn't adequate,
which brings me to the present, and my new map, with y-
and x-intercepts, and my new knowledge that Jerry
Lewis's basic yield is, never mind,
and that Ray Charles is catching celeb Z's in Heaven,
or in Hell, or in absentia."