[LAUGHTER]
Six.
"The grandfather and grandmother and the bag of Doritos
can now see the land of Doritos in the near distance.
Beautiful and arid.
Everywhere they look are bags of Doritos working industriously.
Suddenly, their path is blocked by the two piles of mush.
"What the," says the grandfather who loves Doritos.
Suddenly the piles of mush are joined
by Grammy, the woman who died in a bush, neglected
by her grandson Timmy, having been hit by a truck.
Then Grammy and the piles of mush
are joined by the orange violated by the Slap-of-Wack
bar.
Then Grammy, and the piles of mush, and the orange
are joined by Jim, the penis-less man.
Who's still limping a little, and occasionally gaping down
incredulously into his pants.
"Get out of our way," says the bag of Doritos.
"We're trying to get home to our sacred land of Doritos,"
says the grandmother who loves Doritos.
Just then, the man briefly involved with the gigantic Ding
Dong comes running up, and joins Grammy, the mush pile,
the orange, and Jim, the penis-less man.
"Sorry I'm late," he says.
"Actually," says the orange, with a hint of bravado,
"you're right on time."
The grandfather, the grandmother and the bag of Doritos
see that they are badly outnumbered.
Luckily at that moment, they are joined by the giant Ding Dong,
the Slap-a-Wack bar, Timmy, grandson of the Grammy--
even now eating from a container of MacAttack mac and cheese--
and Kevin, the man who tricked him out of his penis.
"We don't get it," says the grandmother
who loves Doritos, "What's your problem?"
"You took our dignity," says the orange.
"You took my fiance," says the man briefly involved
with the Ding Dong.
"You took my penis," says Jim.
"You split my head in half, then reduced both halves
to piles of mush, completely betraying
the grandchild/grandparent relationship,"
says one pile of mush.
"Oh for crying out loud," says the grandmother
who loves Doritos.
"Don't you people believe in the concept of fun?
In the concept of funny?"
says the bag of Doritos.
"We just want to express ourselves
the way we want to express ourselves," says the giant
Ding Dong.
"We find that fun."
"Well, we don't it fun," says Jim, the penis-less man.
"Well, we do find it fun," says Kevin, the man who
tricked Jim out of his penis.
"Looks like we'll have to agree to disagree on this,"
says the Ding Dong.
"No," Grammy says, "This has gone on long enough."
The orange, the man briefly involved with the Ding Dong,
Jim the penis-less man, Grammy and the piles
of mush frustrated beyond reason by years of repetitively
enduring the same physical, psychological humiliations
in replay after replay of their respective vignettes, attack.
It's a bitter fight, which we know
because out of a big cloud of dust
fly a number of limbs, a bottle cap,
bits of delicious flaky chocolate,
and part of an orange peel.
[LAUGHTER]
When the dust settles, we see that the entire Ding Dong,
Doritos, Timmy, grandparents who love Doritos, Kevin,
Slap-of-Wack coalition is dead--
except for the Slap-of-Wack, who's almost dead.
[LAUGHTER]
"Please, mercy," the Slap-of-Wack says.
"When did you ever show us any mercy?"
says Jim, the penis-less man and finishes off the Slap-of-Wack
with a brutal karate chop.
The orange, insane with pent up rage,
falls upon the Slap-of-Wack and tears it asunder with its tiny
teeth--
[LAUGHTER]
--until the other members of the coalition pull him off.
The members of the orange, Grammy, man
briefly involved the Ding Dong, piles of mush,
penis-less man coalition drags the remains of the members
of the Ding Dong, Doritos, Timmy,
grandparents who love Doritos, Kevin,
Slap-a-wack coalition outside and bury them
in a shallow mass grave.
[LAUGHTER]
Then they leave the area, a little sick
at what they've done.
Especially the orange, who several times
becomes so distraught it stops rolling altogether.
It must be picked up and hurled down the path
by Jim, the penis-less man.
Who, it turns out, has a very good arm.
[LAUGHTER]