WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.880 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:00:01.880 --> 00:00:05.532 align:middle line:90% 00:00:05.532 --> 00:00:07.990 align:middle line:84% I think I'll just stop right now and we'll all just go home 00:00:07.990 --> 00:00:10.400 align:middle line:84% and I won't screw up that beautiful introduction. 00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:12.080 align:middle line:90% Thank you so much. 00:00:12.080 --> 00:00:14.805 align:middle line:84% Thanks also to Corey and to Reed for being such great hosts 00:00:14.805 --> 00:00:16.930 align:middle line:84% and for taking me to the baseball game today, which 00:00:16.930 --> 00:00:20.080 align:middle line:84% is above and beyond the call of duty, and also to the students 00:00:20.080 --> 00:00:20.980 align:middle line:90% that I just met with. 00:00:20.980 --> 00:00:24.460 align:middle line:84% You are really amazingly bright and generous, 00:00:24.460 --> 00:00:26.050 align:middle line:84% and I really appreciate your attention 00:00:26.050 --> 00:00:27.592 align:middle line:84% and that you're here, if you're here. 00:00:27.592 --> 00:00:30.610 align:middle line:84% If you're not here, we'll talk later. 00:00:30.610 --> 00:00:34.720 align:middle line:84% I thought, yeah, so this is the new book that's out, 00:00:34.720 --> 00:00:36.700 align:middle line:84% and my publisher just called me and told me 00:00:36.700 --> 00:00:41.200 align:middle line:84% that they work out this special thing where if everybody here 00:00:41.200 --> 00:00:43.960 align:middle line:84% buys five copies when it comes out, 00:00:43.960 --> 00:00:46.047 align:middle line:84% then something amazing will happen. 00:00:46.047 --> 00:00:47.448 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:47.448 --> 00:00:48.800 align:middle line:90% 00:00:48.800 --> 00:00:49.300 align:middle line:90% For me. 00:00:49.300 --> 00:00:51.340 align:middle line:90% I don't know about you. 00:00:51.340 --> 00:00:54.725 align:middle line:84% So, well, OK, so the other thing is 00:00:54.725 --> 00:00:57.100 align:middle line:84% this is always kind of awkward, because I don't know you, 00:00:57.100 --> 00:00:57.850 align:middle line:90% you don't know me. 00:00:57.850 --> 00:01:00.410 align:middle line:84% The idea is that this is supposed to be funny, 00:01:00.410 --> 00:01:03.007 align:middle line:84% and I always feel a little rude for imposing this humor thing. 00:01:03.007 --> 00:01:05.590 align:middle line:84% So I just want to say, I'm going to start reading a piece that 00:01:05.590 --> 00:01:07.528 align:middle line:84% should be funny, but I don't want 00:01:07.528 --> 00:01:09.070 align:middle line:84% you to feel any obligation whatsoever 00:01:09.070 --> 00:01:12.640 align:middle line:84% to laugh, because I brought a back up thing, 00:01:12.640 --> 00:01:14.740 align:middle line:90% and I'm a multifaceted person. 00:01:14.740 --> 00:01:20.075 align:middle line:84% So I brought an essay I've been working on about legumes. 00:01:20.075 --> 00:01:22.870 align:middle line:90% 00:01:22.870 --> 00:01:26.230 align:middle line:84% It's only I'd say about 90, 100 pages. 00:01:26.230 --> 00:01:28.345 align:middle line:84% So it's agriculture, it's legumes, 00:01:28.345 --> 00:01:29.980 align:middle line:90% and I think it's very good. 00:01:29.980 --> 00:01:32.770 align:middle line:84% So if laughter isn't happening, I'll 00:01:32.770 --> 00:01:35.860 align:middle line:90% just go right to the legumes. 00:01:35.860 --> 00:01:39.670 align:middle line:84% Please don't consider that a threat, but I'm just saying. 00:01:39.670 --> 00:01:43.450 align:middle line:84% A couple of years ago, I noticed this trend in commercials 00:01:43.450 --> 00:01:47.680 align:middle line:84% where the subtext of the commercial was kind of like, 00:01:47.680 --> 00:01:51.167 align:middle line:84% if it wasn't for this product, life wouldn't be so good. 00:01:51.167 --> 00:01:52.750 align:middle line:84% Life wouldn't be good at all, in fact. 00:01:52.750 --> 00:01:54.550 align:middle line:84% Everything virtuous and wonderful, 00:01:54.550 --> 00:01:56.620 align:middle line:84% including your spouse, including your kids, 00:01:56.620 --> 00:01:59.287 align:middle line:84% comes to you from some corporation. 00:01:59.287 --> 00:02:01.870 align:middle line:84% And I first noticed this, there was a commercial where there's 00:02:01.870 --> 00:02:03.970 align:middle line:90% a sleepy upstate New York town. 00:02:03.970 --> 00:02:08.782 align:middle line:84% Dead of winter, bitter cold, wire are blowing loose 00:02:08.782 --> 00:02:10.449 align:middle line:84% and it's kind of honest and threatening. 00:02:10.449 --> 00:02:13.783 align:middle line:84% And suddenly this Coke truck shows up and drives through, 00:02:13.783 --> 00:02:15.700 align:middle line:84% and as it drives through, everything behind it 00:02:15.700 --> 00:02:16.630 align:middle line:90% lights up beautifully. 00:02:16.630 --> 00:02:19.090 align:middle line:84% Christmas lights and happy families in windows. 00:02:19.090 --> 00:02:23.200 align:middle line:84% And the implication is sort of like Coke is Christ, you know, 00:02:23.200 --> 00:02:25.630 align:middle line:84% which I thought was maybe overstating the case a bit. 00:02:25.630 --> 00:02:27.463 align:middle line:84% So I thought it would be kind of fun. 00:02:27.463 --> 00:02:29.380 align:middle line:84% I talked to some of the students earlier about 00:02:29.380 --> 00:02:31.330 align:middle line:84% how one approach that I take to writing 00:02:31.330 --> 00:02:34.932 align:middle line:84% stories is to take the smallest, least literary idea and just 00:02:34.932 --> 00:02:36.140 align:middle line:90% start goofing around with it. 00:02:36.140 --> 00:02:37.840 align:middle line:84% So I gave myself a challenge of trying 00:02:37.840 --> 00:02:41.050 align:middle line:84% to write a whole story just in commercials, with nothing 00:02:41.050 --> 00:02:42.130 align:middle line:90% but commercials. 00:02:42.130 --> 00:02:45.910 align:middle line:90% 00:02:45.910 --> 00:02:49.780 align:middle line:84% So this is the story called "In Persuasion Nation." 00:02:49.780 --> 00:02:55.660 align:middle line:84% One, a man and a woman sit in a field of daisies. 00:02:55.660 --> 00:02:57.460 align:middle line:90% Forever, he says. 00:02:57.460 --> 00:03:00.190 align:middle line:84% Forever, she says, and they kiss. 00:03:00.190 --> 00:03:03.820 align:middle line:84% A giant Twinkie runs past, trailed 00:03:03.820 --> 00:03:06.740 align:middle line:90% by perhaps 200 young women. 00:03:06.740 --> 00:03:10.900 align:middle line:84% The woman leaps to her feet and runs to catch up with Twinkie. 00:03:10.900 --> 00:03:13.600 align:middle line:84% The sweetest thing in the world, the voiceover says, 00:03:13.600 --> 00:03:17.290 align:middle line:90% just got sweeter. 00:03:17.290 --> 00:03:21.070 align:middle line:84% The man sits sadly in the field of daisies. 00:03:21.070 --> 00:03:25.240 align:middle line:84% Luckily, a giant Ding Dong runs past, trailed 00:03:25.240 --> 00:03:27.550 align:middle line:90% by perhaps 200 young men. 00:03:27.550 --> 00:03:29.770 align:middle line:84% The man leaps to his feet and runs 00:03:29.770 --> 00:03:31.690 align:middle line:90% to catch up with the Ding Dong. 00:03:31.690 --> 00:03:34.090 align:middle line:84% But not to worry, the voiceover says. 00:03:34.090 --> 00:03:37.310 align:middle line:84% There's more than enough sweetness to go around. 00:03:37.310 --> 00:03:39.310 align:middle line:84% The Ding Dong puts his arm around the young man, 00:03:39.310 --> 00:03:42.170 align:middle line:84% and the young man smiles up at the Ding Dong, 00:03:42.170 --> 00:03:45.160 align:middle line:84% and the Ding Dong bends down and gives the young man 00:03:45.160 --> 00:03:47.250 align:middle line:90% a kiss on the head.