WEBVTT

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"Ten".

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The orange Grammy
man briefly involved

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in the ding dong, piles of
mush, penis-less man coalition

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is crossing a vast, harsh,
terrifying wilderness.

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Suddenly, in the
distance, they see a town.

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At the edge of town,
they're met by a polar bear

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with an axe in his head, a
puppet boy whose lower half has

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been burned to a crisp,
six headless working class

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guys holding bottles of
beer, and Voltaire, who's

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been given such a severe
snuggie that his eyes are

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open wider than real
eyes can possibly open.

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My God, says the orange,
what happened to you guys?

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I, uh, broke into an Eskimo home
and tried to eat their Cheetos,

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says the polar bear with
the axe in its head.

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During my puppet show, I got too
close to a BurninWarm Cinnabon

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being eaten by an audience
member and burst into flames,

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says the puppet boy.

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A giant can of Raid gave
me a wedgie, says Voltaire.

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Snuggie, says the puppet
boy, a snuggie and a wedgie

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are two different things.

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A giant can of Raid gave me
a snuggie, says Voltaire.

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And what about them, says the
orange, indicating the six

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headless working class guys?

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Well, they insulted a
T-Rex who just really loves

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Coors, says the polar bear
with the axe in his head.

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Wow, says the puppet boy,
I can't believe I'm st--

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I can't believe I'm--

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I can't believe I'm standing
here with the orange manly

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man briefly involved
with the ding

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dong positive mush
penises man coalition!

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You know us, says Grammy.

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Oh-- oh, wait sorry,
in this part--

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I knew it was going to be risky.

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Oh, gosh, everyone knows
you, says the polar bear

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with the axe in his head.

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All over the land,
inspired by your example,

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people are saying, enough
is enough, says Voltaire.

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Just-- oh, let me
see what this says.

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Oh, yeah-- just last week,
a frazzled, over-worked, new

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mother rose up against
a can of Red Bull, which

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had moved into
her home disguised

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as a giant breast in order
to wet nurse her baby,

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says the puppet boy.

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A group of Revolutionary
War soldiers

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recently registered
their dissatisfaction

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at having been led into
the Battle of Yorktown

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by a tube of Pepsodent,
says the polar bear

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with the axe in his head.

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Wow, we had no
idea, says Grammy.

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Will you come to town
with us, if Voltaire

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shows how to
organize and execute

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a successful program
of resistance?

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Well, we'd be happy to, says
Jim, the penis-less man.

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But, it's only fair to warn
you, things may get ugly.

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The six headless
working class guys

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make gestures with
their beer bottles,

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indicating not to worry, ever
since that T-Rex thing we're

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kind of past the point of
worrying about things getting

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ugly, or whatever.

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Then as a tremendously
loud noise in the oblong,

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green, triangular symbol
swollen to the size

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of a city block,
powers into the frame,

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and freezes in mid-air
hovering overhead.

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A deep, magisterial voice
emanates from inside.

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Let's see if I can do it--
who are you to-- no, no, no.

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So imagine that, all right?

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Yeah.

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Who are you to quarrel with the
power that granted your life,

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it thunders.

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The power which
made the firmament,

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put the moon into her orbit,
controlled the very rules

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of physicality by
which you are bound.

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The power, which
allows bananas to sing

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and freshly laundered
clothes to wink,

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which bids the very stars
come down from the heavens

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and recast themselves
into diamonds on a ring

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on a hand of a woman
who has finally

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been put in touch with the
softer side of herself,

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via Tampex glory strips.

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A tremendous walkway thunks
out of the triangular symbol's

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underbelly.

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Down the walkway stumble
the members of the ding-dong

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Doritos/ grandparents who love
Doritos/ Kevin slap of wack

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coalition, still
filthy from the grave--

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along with the fully restored
grande chicken boat combo.

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Alive?

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Says Grammy.

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Resurrected, says the symbol.

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You can do that, says
one pile of mush.

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It is easy for me,
says the symbol.

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Oho, boy, says the
other pile of mush.

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Let me talk to it, says
Jim the penis-less man.

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Careful, careful, says Grammy.

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Jim the penis-less
man looks meekly up

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at the huge, oblong,
green, triangular symbol.

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What would you like
us to call you,

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Jim the penis-less
man says politely.

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Sir, intones the symbol.

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Sir, says Jim the penis-less
man, couldn't we all, uh,

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working together devise
a more humane approach?

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Like an approach
in which no one is

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humiliated or hurt or maimed--

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an approach in which, you
know, the sacred things in life

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are no longer appropriated in
the service of selling what

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are, after all, merely--

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Silence!

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shouts the green,
triangular symbol,

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shooting multiple,
bright, green beams

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of light into the members
of the orange Grammy

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piles of mush penis-less
man coalition,

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rendering them instantaneously
intact, positive, and amnesiac.

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Grammy has a sudden
inexplicable desire

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to use her walker to cross
a busy street without first

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looking both ways.

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The orange, free of
all gashes and dents,

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is suddenly deeply
curious about the contents

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of his good friend,
the slap of wack bar,

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and makes a mental note
to ask the slap a wack

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bar about his contents
as soon they get home

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to-- as soon as they get home
to their wonderful, suburban

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kitchen.

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What he wouldn't give to be once
again on his beloved kitchen

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counter looking down fondly at
the perverted looking chicken

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carcass and the two evil empty
cans of soda in the trash

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can far, far below.

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The piles of mush
are reconstituted

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into two human half heads,
which are then reconstituted

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into a single human
head, which goes

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rolling toward the torso
of the grandson, which

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stands at the bottom of the
walkway summoning its own head.

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Jim the penis-less man
suddenly has a penis.

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The man briefly involved with a
ding dong thinks warmly of his

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fiancée, who he feels certain
is waiting for him in a certain

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meadow.

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The polar bear, the puppet
boy, the headless guys,

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and Voltaire, terrified,
race back to town.

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