WEBVTT

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[APPLAUSE]

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I was born in the Congo.

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I walked to the Fertile
Crescent and built a Sphinx.

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I designed a pyramid so
tough, that a star that

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only glows every 100 years,
falls into the center,

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giving divine, perfect light.

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I am bad.

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I sat on the throne,
drinking nectar with Allah.

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I got hot and sent an ice age
to Europe to cool my thirst.

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My oldest daughter is Nefertiti.

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The tears from my birth
pains created the Nile.

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I am a beautiful woman.

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I gazed on the forest and
burned out the Sahara desert.

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With a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes,

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I crossed it in two hours.

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I'm a gazelle.

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So swift, so swift,
you can't catch me.

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For a birthday present,
when he was three,

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I gave my son,
Hannibal, an elephant.

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He gave me Rome
for Mother's Day.

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[LAUGHTER]

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My strength flows ever on.

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My son, Noah, built Newark, and
I stood, proudly, at the helm,

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as we sailed on a
soft summer day.

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I turned myself into
myself and was Jesus.

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Men intone my loving name.

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All praises.

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All praises.

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I am the one who would save.

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I sow diamonds in my backyard.

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My bowels deliver uranium.

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The filings from my fingernails
are semi-precious jewels.

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On a trip North, I caught
a cold, and blew my nose,

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giving oil to the Arab world.

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I am so hip, even my
errors are correct.

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[LAUGHTER]

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I sailed West to reach
East, and had to round off

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the Earth as I went.

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The hair from my head
thinned, and gold was

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laid across three continents.

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I am so perfect, so divine,
so ethereal, so surreal.

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I cannot be comprehended,
except by my permission.

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I mean, I can fly like
a bird in the sky.

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[APPLAUSE]

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