WEBVTT

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Whenever I read
this next poem, I'm

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reminded how much I think
our patients actually

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take care of us
physicians in medicine,

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and the patient you'll
meet in this next poem

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was a wonderful example
of that kind of care.

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It was someone I took care
of during my residency,

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and he was always asking
after me and my well-being

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when I would round on
him in the mornings.

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For example, he
asked me questions

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like, well, did I have a
decent breakfast that morning,

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and when was the last
time I had a shower?

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Did I get a good night's
sleep, always asking

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after me and my well-being.

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I guess I probably didn't
look all that great.

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But I remember this, also.

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He was a writer himself,
so he would actually

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put up with me
coming into his room

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on nights when I was on call
to read first drafts of some

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of these poems to him,
which was incredibly

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generous, considering he
was very ill at the time.

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So I wanted to read this poem
in his memory as I always do

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and really also in honor
of all of my patients.

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It's called "The Distant
Moon," and you'll

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get to meet him in this poem.

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"The Distant Moon."

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"Admitted to the hospital again.

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The second bout of
pneumocystis back in January

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almost killed him.

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Then, he'd sworn to
us he'd die at home.

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He baked us cookies, which
the student wouldn't eat,

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before he left.

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The kitchen on 5A is small
but serviceable and neat.

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He told me stories.

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Richard Gere was gay and
sleeping with a friend of his,

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and AIDS was an
elaborate conspiracy

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effected by the government.

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He stayed four weeks.

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He lost his sight to CMV.

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One day, I drew his
blood, and while I did,

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he laughed and said I
was his girlfriend now,

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his blood-brother.

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'Vampire-slut,' he cried,
'you'll make me live forever.'

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Wrinkled brows were
all I managed in reply.

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I know I'm drowning in his
blood, his purple blood.

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I filled my seven tubes.

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The warmth was slow to leave
them, pressed inside my palm.

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I'm sad because he doesn't
see my face, because I

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can't identify with him.

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I hate the fact that he's my
age, and that across my skin,

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he's there, my
blood-brother, my mate.

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He said I was too
nice, and after all,

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if Jodie Foster was a lesbian,
then doctors could be queer.

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Residual guilts
tingle down my spine.

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'OK, I'm done,' I said as I
withdrew the needle from his

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back and pressed.

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His CSF was clear.

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I never answered him.

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That spot was framed in
sterile paper drapes.

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He was so near death,
telling him seemed pointless.

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Then he died.

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Unrecognizable to anyone but
me, he left my needles deep

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inside his joking heart.

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An autopsy was done.

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I'd read to him at night.

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His horoscope, The New
York Times, The Advocate--

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some lines by Richard
Howard gave us hope.

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A quiet hospital is infinite.

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The polished, ice-white
floors, the darkened halls

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that lead to almost anywhere,
to death or ghostly lighted Coke

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machines.

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I call to him one
night, at home, asleep.

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His breath, I dreamed,
had filled my lungs.

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His lips my lips had touched.

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I felt as though I touched a
shrine, not disrespectfully,

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but in some lapse
of concentration.

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In a mirror shines
the distant moon."

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