WEBVTT

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OK, so now can you hear me?

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OK, that's the title of the
story, "Can You Hear Me?"

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OK, it really is.

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OK.

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"Van Garza knew his
father was omniscient,

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that he could see, among other
things, the small square adobe

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house near the university
where Van lived

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with his girlfriend, Darlene.

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He could see the prickly pears,
tallest trees standing guard,

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and the chili pepper
Christmas lights

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strung around the front window.

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Sometimes Van listed the things
his father would approve of--

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Van's breakfast, even
though it was high fat--

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after all, fat was not
what had killed his dad--

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the time Van painted
the house so he

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could get a month's
rent free, the fact

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that he had taught
himself to play guitar,

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and the frequency with which
he made love to Darlene.

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In death, as in life,
his father didn't

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want to intimate
details, which is

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one reason Van had
to jam his signals

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and banish him from the
bedroom and at times,

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when Van got really lucky, from
the bathroom and the living

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room.

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There were also, of course,
things which triggered

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his father's disapproval--

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smoking dope, any kind of
dope, actually, no matter

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how ingested, tequila,
which had killed him,

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the worries Van had heaped
upon the shoulders of his mom

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and twin sister Z, and last
but certainly not least,

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the current scheme
with James and Jim B.

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Van felt his father's
presence most acutely

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when he was making
himself breakfast.

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In the dim natural light
of the kitchen while he

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let the whites of
the eggs sizzle,

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their round yolks as yellow
as the chicks they would not

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become, while he gingerly
heated tortillas on the open gas

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flame, he felt his
father, watching just

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over his right shoulder.

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He slid the eggs out of
the pan onto his plate,

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folded his tortillas
in quarters,

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poured coffee out of the
black enamel percolator

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they'd used for camping, and
stirred in the half and half.

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Sometimes he heard his
father say his name, Ivan,

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which in Spanish is
Iván, softly, Ivan.

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Sometimes he felt as
if he were his father,

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as if he were standing
over his own right shoulder

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watching his hands kind of
like when he was the sniper.

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There was the gun.

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There were the hands
right in front of him,

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but they weren't his.

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There was always a
moment of disorientation.

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He set the plate of eggs
on the round plastic table.

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The mid-morning light was
sliding down the window.

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He rested his forehead
against it, warm already.

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Next door, they were
talking about demons again.

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The woman was wearing a
T-shirt that said slave.

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The man was lying in the
dirt, welding his Harley.

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Someone in an announcer's
voice suggested

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demons were at the
heart of the insurgency.

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In a car up on the next street,
a woman was looking for Van.

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Maybe she was a cop.

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His eggs were getting cold.

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He pulled his cell from the
pocket of his cargo pants

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and opened it, no messages
from Z, Izzy, Isabel.

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She was in Italy.

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She never answered.

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Van said her name aloud in
Spanish as their father would

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have, 'Isabel,' as if that
would call her to him.

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Z was sitting on a bench
high above the small town

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of Riomaggiore, the southernmost
of the five small towns

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of the Cinque Terre.

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Below her and beyond, all the
way to the coast of Spain,

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which she could
not see, stretched

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the blue, blue Mediterranean.

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There was a single
red geranium in a pot

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on the wall in front of her.

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Behind her, two women,
possibly lesbian housewives,

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she thought, married to
men they did not love,

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were whispering in Italian.

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They sounded furious, but
it may have been passion.

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Behind them in the school,
small children were singing.

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Far below, somewhere
in the waves,

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Z's current, although
temporary, Scottish boyfriend

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was snorkeling beyond the
huge black slabs of slate

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that edged the coast.

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She had just snapped closed
the fancy cell phone that

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bounced her mother's
voice off of a satellite

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somewhere far above the Earth.

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Van was short-circuiting again.

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His mother was
frantic, of course.

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Van had been off and on
antidepressants, in and out

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of rehab so often that frantic
had become her mother's default

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mode.

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No, Z told her, she would
not cut her trip short.

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'Sorry, can't hear
you,' she said.

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'Sorry, you're cutting out,'
which was true, bad connection.

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And now the phone
said emergency only.

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So much for technology.

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How could airwaves be
full, as in so saturated,

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that not one more voice
could come across?

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Z didn't get it,
but emergency only

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post 9/11 made her
slightly nervous,

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and she was not
one to be neurotic.

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Neurosis seemed to herself
indulgent, narcissistic,

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because like a child
you put yourself

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at the center of the
universe, forces conspiring

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against you as if you were
more than a speck of sand

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on a beach of specks.

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Giving in to unfounded
fear was a sign

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of a weak mind, a
failure of logic.

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This she firmly believed.

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Usually, she,
Isabel, for instance,

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could flip a switch and turn off
her own fears as easily as she

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could disregard her mother's.

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On the other hand, perhaps
these fears were not unfounded.

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She had been getting
strange text messages.

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'The world is a lonely planet.'

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That was the first one.

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She dismissed it as
some kind of joke.

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Van knew she used
Lonely Planet guidebook.

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Stoned, he would
think it was clever.

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It would be his way
of saying, call me.

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I'm lonely, without ever
having to say, call me.

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I'm lonely.

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But then this morning,
simply, 'Z, can you hear me?'

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And Z had to wonder, maybe he
was in some kind of trouble.

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It would explain the rock
in the pit of her gut,

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the way the hair on her arms
had been standing on end,

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but she still didn't
want to go home.

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Spain was there,
she told herself,

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even though she
could not see it.

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Benji was swimming, even
though she could not see him.

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Surely, she did not have to see
Van standing in the same room

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to know he was OK.

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Plus, think about it logically.

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He was sending text messages
from somewhere this side

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of the great divide between
the depressed and the living.

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When he was really
in trouble, they

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didn't hear from him at all.

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Have some faith, she
wanted to tell her mother.

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He is 23 years old.

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Cut her trip short?

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Forget it.

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This was her idea of heaven.

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Every morning, she
woke up next to Benji.

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He rubbed her back and
breathed softly on her neck.

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He thought she was exotic.

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'My Mexican-American Barbie
doll,' he'd sighed more than

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once, which she knew was
insulting in its own way,

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except he meant it as a
compliment because of her long

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legs.

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Everything he said in
that Scottish accent

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sounded like a compliment.

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His blue eyes nearly unblinking
behind wire rimmed glasses,

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his red hair, spiky
and surprised--

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he always looked at her
with a kind of wonder

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that she had hooked up with him.

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Van would never
believe that she,

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a girl who mooned over Black
basketball players, a girl who

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found the shaved heads
of gangbangers sexy,

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would end up with lily-white,
wiry, geek-chic Benjamin,

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but she liked
feeling like a gift.

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That alone was
worth the interest

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she'd have to pay on
her damn credit cards.

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She opened her
sketchbook and quickly,

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without effort or
thought, outlined the view

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in front of her, a quick
line for the horizon,

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another for the hill like a
beached whale off to the north.

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The hillside above the town
she sketched in more detail,

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the terraces, the small farms.

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Then for some reason, on the
balcony of the tiny restaurant

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on the point, right where
the Villa dell'Amore begins,

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she drew a shadowy
group of people.

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They were sitting in a circle.

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They had cups in their hands."

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