WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:00.880 align:middle line:90% 00:00:00.880 --> 00:00:04.640 align:middle line:84% I'm going to read you a poem about my father. 00:00:04.640 --> 00:00:09.660 align:middle line:84% And my father's recently died this spring. 00:00:09.660 --> 00:00:12.690 align:middle line:84% He died in about the end of June. 00:00:12.690 --> 00:00:16.780 align:middle line:84% And we had a very strained relationship. 00:00:16.780 --> 00:00:18.210 align:middle line:90% I mean, loving but strained. 00:00:18.210 --> 00:00:21.120 align:middle line:84% He didn't quite understand me, I didn't quite understand him. 00:00:21.120 --> 00:00:23.700 align:middle line:84% But one of the great things about him 00:00:23.700 --> 00:00:26.340 align:middle line:84% was his ability to tell a really great story. 00:00:26.340 --> 00:00:31.822 align:middle line:84% And this poem I'm about to read is about that ability for him 00:00:31.822 --> 00:00:33.030 align:middle line:90% to tell really great stories. 00:00:33.030 --> 00:00:36.210 align:middle line:84% I think I tell people in interviews if I get anything 00:00:36.210 --> 00:00:40.260 align:middle line:84% from my parents, I get the idea of narrative from my father. 00:00:40.260 --> 00:00:43.710 align:middle line:84% And I get my idea of the wonderful bright musical 00:00:43.710 --> 00:00:48.180 align:middle line:84% language-- metaphoric language from my mother. 00:00:48.180 --> 00:00:52.860 align:middle line:84% And I get this narrative idea from him. 00:00:52.860 --> 00:00:54.270 align:middle line:90% I'm going to tell you-- 00:00:54.270 --> 00:00:55.380 align:middle line:84% not this poem, but I'm going to tell you 00:00:55.380 --> 00:00:56.380 align:middle line:90% a story that he told me. 00:00:56.380 --> 00:01:02.850 align:middle line:84% Give you an idea of how good a storyteller he was. 00:01:02.850 --> 00:01:07.340 align:middle line:84% You ever see these ugly ceramic piggy banks? 00:01:07.340 --> 00:01:10.340 align:middle line:84% You see sometimes at county fairs, right? 00:01:10.340 --> 00:01:12.050 align:middle line:84% Well, my father loved that kind of stuff. 00:01:12.050 --> 00:01:15.590 align:middle line:84% Really just loved ugly stuff like that. 00:01:15.590 --> 00:01:18.860 align:middle line:84% The story I love to tell is one Christmas 00:01:18.860 --> 00:01:22.160 align:middle line:84% when he bought this ugly little Santa that had 00:01:22.160 --> 00:01:23.850 align:middle line:90% kind of gravity switch to it. 00:01:23.850 --> 00:01:26.070 align:middle line:84% So every time you flipped it over it'd make a noise, 00:01:26.070 --> 00:01:26.570 align:middle line:90% it would go 00:01:26.570 --> 00:01:28.760 align:middle line:90% [VOCALIZING] 00:01:28.760 --> 00:01:31.430 align:middle line:84% And I have this vivid memory of my father sitting 00:01:31.430 --> 00:01:35.960 align:middle line:84% on the living room couch for the entire Christmas going 00:01:35.960 --> 00:01:36.680 align:middle line:90% like this. 00:01:36.680 --> 00:01:38.630 align:middle line:90% [VOCALIZING] 00:01:38.630 --> 00:01:41.630 align:middle line:84% He thought it was the funniest thing on Earth. 00:01:41.630 --> 00:01:42.378 align:middle line:90% Drove us nuts. 00:01:42.378 --> 00:01:43.920 align:middle line:84% He thought it was the funniest thing. 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:45.950 align:middle line:90% It was cheap ugly things. 00:01:45.950 --> 00:01:49.100 align:middle line:90% Well, he loved stuff like that. 00:01:49.100 --> 00:01:51.290 align:middle line:84% And he was also a bit of a miser. 00:01:51.290 --> 00:01:53.540 align:middle line:84% And because my father comes out of the generation that 00:01:53.540 --> 00:01:54.707 align:middle line:90% went through the Depression. 00:01:54.707 --> 00:01:56.210 align:middle line:84% And I think if you have parents who 00:01:56.210 --> 00:02:01.220 align:middle line:84% went through that, one lesson the Depression taught 00:02:01.220 --> 00:02:04.970 align:middle line:84% them was that no matter how much you make, 00:02:04.970 --> 00:02:06.290 align:middle line:90% you can always lose it. 00:02:06.290 --> 00:02:08.449 align:middle line:90% It can always go away. 00:02:08.449 --> 00:02:12.050 align:middle line:84% The Depression taught them without a doubt. 00:02:12.050 --> 00:02:16.040 align:middle line:84% And because of that, my father was a miser. 00:02:16.040 --> 00:02:17.300 align:middle line:90% Just really pinched pennies. 00:02:17.300 --> 00:02:19.820 align:middle line:84% And what he would do with the piggy banks 00:02:19.820 --> 00:02:23.060 align:middle line:84% was that if he had spare change from his paycheck, 00:02:23.060 --> 00:02:25.610 align:middle line:84% or he hit the numbers and he had some spare change on top 00:02:25.610 --> 00:02:29.000 align:middle line:84% of that, or he'd do an odd job in the neighborhood, 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:31.735 align:middle line:84% he'd put all his small change in these piggy banks. 00:02:31.735 --> 00:02:33.860 align:middle line:84% And then-- and then he would hoard the piggy banks, 00:02:33.860 --> 00:02:36.680 align:middle line:84% hide them in our house, like under the stairs, 00:02:36.680 --> 00:02:40.520 align:middle line:84% or in the basement, and the closets. 00:02:40.520 --> 00:02:44.000 align:middle line:84% And one summer either my mother or my sister 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:46.870 align:middle line:90% found one of the piggy banks. 00:02:46.870 --> 00:02:48.567 align:middle line:84% And we had a great summer, right? 00:02:48.567 --> 00:02:50.900 align:middle line:84% Well, what we do is we'd wait for him to go off to work, 00:02:50.900 --> 00:02:53.108 align:middle line:84% and then we can get out and we'd get the butter knife 00:02:53.108 --> 00:02:56.270 align:middle line:84% and take in this, put it in the slot, and it just was-- 00:02:56.270 --> 00:02:57.950 align:middle line:90% it was a great summer. 00:02:57.950 --> 00:03:02.250 align:middle line:84% And one day-- yeah, a magical kid summer, whatever you want. 00:03:02.250 --> 00:03:03.000 align:middle line:90% I want a popsicle. 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:06.280 align:middle line:90% 00:03:06.280 --> 00:03:12.554 align:middle line:84% Let's get some cupcakes, (LAUGHS), so whatever you want. 00:03:12.554 --> 00:03:14.300 align:middle line:84% It was probably what part of the reason 00:03:14.300 --> 00:03:16.460 align:middle line:84% why I have fond memories of my childhoods, 00:03:16.460 --> 00:03:17.360 align:middle line:90% come to think of it. 00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:20.880 align:middle line:84% But anyway, towards the end of the summer, 00:03:20.880 --> 00:03:24.955 align:middle line:84% my father discovers that the piggy bank gets a little light 00:03:24.955 --> 00:03:26.330 align:middle line:84% and he puts two and two together. 00:03:26.330 --> 00:03:28.145 align:middle line:84% And from that point on, he takes the pig-- 00:03:28.145 --> 00:03:30.710 align:middle line:84% he keeps saving coins, but he takes the piggy banks out 00:03:30.710 --> 00:03:33.620 align:middle line:84% of our house and starts hiding it in different cousin's house. 00:03:33.620 --> 00:03:35.280 align:middle line:84% We have a lot of cousins in Rochester, 00:03:35.280 --> 00:03:37.010 align:middle line:90% New York where I grew up. 00:03:37.010 --> 00:03:37.760 align:middle line:90% And this goes on. 00:03:37.760 --> 00:03:39.980 align:middle line:84% This practice goes on for years and years and years, 00:03:39.980 --> 00:03:41.812 align:middle line:90% and then he stops and retires. 00:03:41.812 --> 00:03:43.520 align:middle line:84% I mean, he retires and he stops, and then 00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:45.645 align:middle line:84% he forgets for years and years and years and years. 00:03:45.645 --> 00:03:47.420 align:middle line:84% And one day, it occurs to him, he's 00:03:47.420 --> 00:03:49.760 align:middle line:84% got all these coins in his piggy banks, 00:03:49.760 --> 00:03:52.130 align:middle line:84% and he wants to know how much he's got. 00:03:52.130 --> 00:03:53.900 align:middle line:84% So he breaks open all the piggy banks 00:03:53.900 --> 00:03:56.673 align:middle line:84% and he puts the money into paper bags 00:03:56.673 --> 00:03:58.590 align:middle line:84% and puts that in the back of his Buick Electra 00:03:58.590 --> 00:04:00.287 align:middle line:84% and he drives to downtown Rochester. 00:04:00.287 --> 00:04:02.120 align:middle line:84% Now, I want you to visualize, at this point, 00:04:02.120 --> 00:04:03.930 align:middle line:90% what my father looks like. 00:04:03.930 --> 00:04:08.210 align:middle line:84% He's retired, been retired for about, well, maybe 8-10 years. 00:04:08.210 --> 00:04:10.730 align:middle line:90% He dresses shabbily. 00:04:10.730 --> 00:04:12.500 align:middle line:84% Even when he was working, he wasn't great, 00:04:12.500 --> 00:04:14.292 align:middle line:84% because he worked for the sewer department, 00:04:14.292 --> 00:04:18.410 align:middle line:84% so he wasn't really that good of a dresser anyway. 00:04:18.410 --> 00:04:20.390 align:middle line:84% And he let everything go in and often he 00:04:20.390 --> 00:04:24.650 align:middle line:84% wears sweatshirts and pants for weeks at a time 00:04:24.650 --> 00:04:28.390 align:middle line:84% until they shine, and he has no teeth. 00:04:28.390 --> 00:04:30.515 align:middle line:84% He has no teeth and he's too cheap to buy dentures. 00:04:30.515 --> 00:04:32.432 align:middle line:84% It isn't that he can't afford to buy dentures. 00:04:32.432 --> 00:04:34.040 align:middle line:90% He's just too cheap to buy them. 00:04:34.040 --> 00:04:36.530 align:middle line:84% Why should I spend money on dentures? 00:04:36.530 --> 00:04:41.060 align:middle line:84% So he talks like this, you know, because he ain't got any teeth. 00:04:41.060 --> 00:04:43.520 align:middle line:84% So you have to visualize the sight 00:04:43.520 --> 00:04:49.400 align:middle line:84% of an old, decrepit, toothless, Black man walking onto a bank, 00:04:49.400 --> 00:04:53.898 align:middle line:84% you know, and expecting to have business done. 00:04:53.898 --> 00:04:55.940 align:middle line:84% So he walks up to one of the officers of the bank 00:04:55.940 --> 00:04:57.830 align:middle line:84% and the guy looks at him, because the tellers 00:04:57.830 --> 00:05:01.260 align:middle line:84% won't deal with coins unless you go to somebody else first. 00:05:01.260 --> 00:05:03.613 align:middle line:84% So he goes to one of the three officers of the bank 00:05:03.613 --> 00:05:05.530 align:middle line:84% and he looks and he looked at him and he goes, 00:05:05.530 --> 00:05:06.380 align:middle line:90% what do you want? 00:05:06.380 --> 00:05:10.090 align:middle line:84% My father says, I got some coins to let you count. 00:05:10.090 --> 00:05:12.560 align:middle line:84% And I think he looks my father and sort of pats him 00:05:12.560 --> 00:05:15.790 align:middle line:84% on the head and says, oh sorry we were too busy, and told him, 00:05:15.790 --> 00:05:17.990 align:middle line:90% and he just shows him the door. 00:05:17.990 --> 00:05:20.907 align:middle line:84% And undaunted, he gets back in the car 00:05:20.907 --> 00:05:23.240 align:middle line:84% and he goes down the street or across the street or down 00:05:23.240 --> 00:05:25.730 align:middle line:84% the block and stops in front of the second bank 00:05:25.730 --> 00:05:28.760 align:middle line:84% and it's the same deal, the old, toothless, decrepit, Black man 00:05:28.760 --> 00:05:31.460 align:middle line:84% walks in and wants to have business. 00:05:31.460 --> 00:05:33.650 align:middle line:84% And he goes to the second officer of the bank 00:05:33.650 --> 00:05:36.120 align:middle line:84% and the bank guy looks at him and says, what do you want? 00:05:36.120 --> 00:05:39.650 align:middle line:84% My father said, I got some coins to let you count. 00:05:39.650 --> 00:05:41.232 align:middle line:84% And the guy also looks at my father 00:05:41.232 --> 00:05:43.190 align:middle line:84% and says, you know, about to do the same thing, 00:05:43.190 --> 00:05:45.870 align:middle line:84% show him the door, and suddenly he stops, and he thinks. 00:05:45.870 --> 00:05:49.190 align:middle line:84% And he says, well, how many coins have you got? 00:05:49.190 --> 00:05:51.800 align:middle line:84% You know, my father tells me that his car is parked right 00:05:51.800 --> 00:05:54.550 align:middle line:84% in front of the bank, like there's these glass doors 00:05:54.550 --> 00:05:55.550 align:middle line:90% and so you can see this. 00:05:55.550 --> 00:05:57.342 align:middle line:84% You can see the car through the glass doors 00:05:57.342 --> 00:05:59.510 align:middle line:84% and he takes the guy by the wrist. 00:05:59.510 --> 00:06:01.880 align:middle line:84% He walks him over, walks him to the doors, 00:06:01.880 --> 00:06:05.030 align:middle line:84% and points to the car and he said, you see that car? 00:06:05.030 --> 00:06:06.950 align:middle line:90% The guy goes, yeah. 00:06:06.950 --> 00:06:08.960 align:middle line:84% Father says, you see how low it's sitting? 00:06:08.960 --> 00:06:13.040 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:06:13.040 --> 00:06:15.070 align:middle line:84% And they all hop to it and they all go. 00:06:15.070 --> 00:06:17.480 align:middle line:84% They all run out, and they have a chain and, you know, 00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:19.095 align:middle line:84% that they took, bring in the money, 00:06:19.095 --> 00:06:20.720 align:middle line:84% and they put in those big machines that 00:06:20.720 --> 00:06:23.810 align:middle line:84% go around the ground, and it's $1,200 worth of coins. 00:06:23.810 --> 00:06:26.490 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:06:26.490 --> 00:06:29.630 align:middle line:90% Is that a great story, or right? 00:06:29.630 --> 00:06:32.090 align:middle line:84% And as well as he told me that story, and more, well, 00:06:32.090 --> 00:06:34.160 align:middle line:84% as I told you that story is not a patch on how 00:06:34.160 --> 00:06:37.190 align:middle line:84% well, how hysterically he told me this story, you know. 00:06:37.190 --> 00:06:39.560 align:middle line:84% I have guys tell people, I would have given anything 00:06:39.560 --> 00:06:42.560 align:middle line:84% to be a fly on the wall at that particular moment. 00:06:42.560 --> 00:06:45.080 align:middle line:90% It's a great story, right? 00:06:45.080 --> 00:06:49.070 align:middle line:84% And, you know, my father's ability to tell a great story. 00:06:49.070 --> 00:06:50.930 align:middle line:84% This poem is not a funny poem, but it 00:06:50.930 --> 00:06:53.030 align:middle line:84% comes from that same ability to tell me a story. 00:06:53.030 --> 00:06:54.697 align:middle line:84% And this story comes from him telling me 00:06:54.697 --> 00:06:56.780 align:middle line:84% about his first heart attack, which 00:06:56.780 --> 00:07:02.180 align:middle line:84% actually would result eight or 10 years later with him dying. 00:07:02.180 --> 00:07:06.260 align:middle line:84% That, excuse me, he died from heart disease and diabetes. 00:07:06.260 --> 00:07:11.522 align:middle line:84% And this story he tells me, or also one of the lessons 00:07:11.522 --> 00:07:14.105 align:middle line:84% that came out of people who came through, came from people who 00:07:14.105 --> 00:07:18.140 align:middle line:84% had survived the Depression, was some a lot on a level, 00:07:18.140 --> 00:07:23.270 align:middle line:84% on some level, was the idea that I can make it, I can take it. 00:07:23.270 --> 00:07:26.420 align:middle line:84% You know, no matter what they throw at me, I can take it. 00:07:26.420 --> 00:07:29.840 align:middle line:84% I can take it, and so, you don't complain. 00:07:29.840 --> 00:07:32.540 align:middle line:84% So I found out about my father's heart attack months 00:07:32.540 --> 00:07:35.725 align:middle line:84% after it happens, when I come up to visit for a holiday. 00:07:35.725 --> 00:07:37.100 align:middle line:84% And we're sitting there and we're 00:07:37.100 --> 00:07:40.220 align:middle line:84% having this little conversation on the level of about how 00:07:40.220 --> 00:07:42.740 align:middle line:84% about those Mets, and then suddenly, he tells me 00:07:42.740 --> 00:07:44.507 align:middle line:90% this story about what he had. 00:07:44.507 --> 00:07:46.340 align:middle line:84% It's oh, by the way, I had this heart attack 00:07:46.340 --> 00:07:47.090 align:middle line:90% and this is what happened. 00:07:47.090 --> 00:07:48.890 align:middle line:84% I said tell me the story, and it gets more and more horrific 00:07:48.890 --> 00:07:51.710 align:middle line:84% and I'm sitting there listening and I'm going, my God, my God, 00:07:51.710 --> 00:07:52.400 align:middle line:90% my God. 00:07:52.400 --> 00:07:55.558 align:middle line:84% And then he tells me this one moment when he's in the car, 00:07:55.558 --> 00:07:58.100 align:middle line:84% my cousins have come and taken him and had put him in the car 00:07:58.100 --> 00:07:59.900 align:middle line:84% and he's about to go off to the hospital 00:07:59.900 --> 00:08:02.240 align:middle line:90% and he knows he's dead. 00:08:02.240 --> 00:08:04.910 align:middle line:84% I mean, he just knows that it's over for him. 00:08:04.910 --> 00:08:08.780 align:middle line:84% So my cousins had put him in the car and he turns around 00:08:08.780 --> 00:08:11.265 align:middle line:84% and he's about to be driven off and he takes one last, 00:08:11.265 --> 00:08:13.640 align:middle line:84% what he thinks is going to be one last look at his house, 00:08:13.640 --> 00:08:18.270 align:middle line:84% and he gives me the look that he had. 00:08:18.270 --> 00:08:22.830 align:middle line:84% [LAUGHS] And I've always been trying to put that into a poem. 00:08:22.830 --> 00:08:25.010 align:middle line:84% So this is what the poem, and again, not as well as 00:08:25.010 --> 00:08:26.400 align:middle line:90% he told it. 00:08:26.400 --> 00:08:29.200 align:middle line:90% This is called "The Good Look." 00:08:29.200 --> 00:08:32.620 align:middle line:84% "It is like my father, his legs turning to rubber, 00:08:32.620 --> 00:08:36.370 align:middle line:84% taking what he believes to be his last look at our house. 00:08:36.370 --> 00:08:39.250 align:middle line:84% I imagined my mother, his crazy wife, 00:08:39.250 --> 00:08:41.620 align:middle line:84% standing at the front door, believing 00:08:41.620 --> 00:08:44.800 align:middle line:84% it all an elaborate stunt or peeking through the living room 00:08:44.800 --> 00:08:49.060 align:middle line:84% blinds making as small a target as possible. 00:08:49.060 --> 00:08:52.600 align:middle line:84% He breathes, the street reels under his feet. 00:08:52.600 --> 00:08:55.960 align:middle line:84% And now, he is like an intoxicated dancer, luck 00:08:55.960 --> 00:08:59.410 align:middle line:84% wheezing out of his mouth, propped up by cousins leading 00:08:59.410 --> 00:09:02.260 align:middle line:84% him to the open maw of their car door, 00:09:02.260 --> 00:09:05.860 align:middle line:84% which becomes the line that marks the borders of the world 00:09:05.860 --> 00:09:09.070 align:middle line:84% as he knows it, the line which, once crossed, 00:09:09.070 --> 00:09:10.780 align:middle line:90% is forever denied. 00:09:10.780 --> 00:09:15.280 align:middle line:84% My father stops at that portal and, though totally mistaken, 00:09:15.280 --> 00:09:17.770 align:middle line:90% takes a hard look at his house. 00:09:17.770 --> 00:09:22.090 align:middle line:84% Everything the words so long were ever meant to imply 00:09:22.090 --> 00:09:23.410 align:middle line:90% is in this book. 00:09:23.410 --> 00:09:25.930 align:middle line:84% A look that, when shown to me later, 00:09:25.930 --> 00:09:29.770 align:middle line:84% second hand, as part of a story with a happy ending, 00:09:29.770 --> 00:09:33.300 align:middle line:90% nevertheless raises the ante." 00:09:33.300 --> 00:09:34.000 align:middle line:90%