WEBVTT

00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.380 align:middle line:90%


00:00:01.380 --> 00:00:03.473 align:middle line:84%
And that's my poem
that's in Central Park

00:00:03.473 --> 00:00:05.640 align:middle line:84%
and apparently going to be
the-- they insist that we

00:00:05.640 --> 00:00:06.960 align:middle line:90%
put in one of our own poems.

00:00:06.960 --> 00:00:09.420 align:middle line:84%
And that's a poem that
Dan wants so that--

00:00:09.420 --> 00:00:11.010 align:middle line:84%
Dan Wharton the
scientist-- so it

00:00:11.010 --> 00:00:14.130 align:middle line:84%
will also be at
the Brookfield Zoo.

00:00:14.130 --> 00:00:17.100 align:middle line:84%
OK, I wanted to put a governor
on myself because I thought

00:00:17.100 --> 00:00:19.410 align:middle line:90%
I was being too expansive.

00:00:19.410 --> 00:00:21.700 align:middle line:84%
And so I said, I'm going
to start writing sonnets.

00:00:21.700 --> 00:00:24.880 align:middle line:90%


00:00:24.880 --> 00:00:26.470 align:middle line:90%
But I love story.

00:00:26.470 --> 00:00:28.460 align:middle line:90%
I really, really love story.

00:00:28.460 --> 00:00:33.230 align:middle line:84%
And so the sonnets turned
into sonnet sequences.

00:00:33.230 --> 00:00:34.930 align:middle line:90%
So this is a new one.

00:00:34.930 --> 00:00:38.210 align:middle line:90%


00:00:38.210 --> 00:00:41.320 align:middle line:84%
And I will tell you
the story behind this.

00:00:41.320 --> 00:00:44.140 align:middle line:84%
It's winter, Montana,
early morning dentist

00:00:44.140 --> 00:00:48.340 align:middle line:84%
appointment in Missoula 20 miles
from my house, coming home,

00:00:48.340 --> 00:00:52.060 align:middle line:84%
and stop in traffic,
solid slush.

00:00:52.060 --> 00:00:55.810 align:middle line:84%
It's really that
awful time of year.

00:00:55.810 --> 00:01:01.925 align:middle line:84%
And I look over, and there's
the adult fantasy shop.

00:01:01.925 --> 00:01:03.550 align:middle line:84%
And I never really
looked at it before.

00:01:03.550 --> 00:01:04.239 align:middle line:90%
I'd passed it.

00:01:04.239 --> 00:01:05.860 align:middle line:84%
All those years,
never really looked

00:01:05.860 --> 00:01:08.980 align:middle line:84%
because it's pretty
much just glass

00:01:08.980 --> 00:01:15.780 align:middle line:84%
and you can't see in and
then yellow writing on it.

00:01:15.780 --> 00:01:18.810 align:middle line:84%
But that time at the
stop light and looking,

00:01:18.810 --> 00:01:24.120 align:middle line:84%
and just as I'm watching,
a young woman comes out

00:01:24.120 --> 00:01:29.820 align:middle line:84%
and she basically just cracks
the door open with her leg.

00:01:29.820 --> 00:01:31.590 align:middle line:90%
She opens it this way.

00:01:31.590 --> 00:01:35.610 align:middle line:84%
And she stands there and
she's smoking a cigarette.

00:01:35.610 --> 00:01:39.120 align:middle line:84%
And I just really fixated
upon her, thought about her,

00:01:39.120 --> 00:01:39.840 align:middle line:90%
drove home.

00:01:39.840 --> 00:01:42.390 align:middle line:90%


00:01:42.390 --> 00:01:45.160 align:middle line:84%
And she was just
there in my mind.

00:01:45.160 --> 00:01:46.630 align:middle line:90%
A few days later--

00:01:46.630 --> 00:01:50.780 align:middle line:84%
again, early morning-- my
husband and I are in bed.

00:01:50.780 --> 00:01:57.050 align:middle line:84%
There's this huge
crash, and it was

00:01:57.050 --> 00:02:02.360 align:middle line:84%
a goshawk that had come
through two panes of glass.

00:02:02.360 --> 00:02:07.410 align:middle line:84%
And my husband puts--
we have a pane,

00:02:07.410 --> 00:02:09.449 align:middle line:84%
and then he just
takes this glass

00:02:09.449 --> 00:02:11.400 align:middle line:84%
and tacks it on the
outside so there's

00:02:11.400 --> 00:02:14.520 align:middle line:84%
this air space in
between for insulation,

00:02:14.520 --> 00:02:17.370 align:middle line:84%
and it had gone through
those two panes of glass.

00:02:17.370 --> 00:02:20.670 align:middle line:84%
And there it was on
the window ledge.

00:02:20.670 --> 00:02:24.930 align:middle line:84%
OK, so my husband is a city
boy, and he doesn't quite

00:02:24.930 --> 00:02:26.688 align:middle line:84%
know how he feels
about wild animals.

00:02:26.688 --> 00:02:28.230 align:middle line:84%
I think he's feeling
more comfortable

00:02:28.230 --> 00:02:30.030 align:middle line:84%
after 30 years of
living in the mountain,

00:02:30.030 --> 00:02:32.610 align:middle line:90%
but it's taken a while.

00:02:32.610 --> 00:02:36.090 align:middle line:84%
I had worked in animal
rehabilitation for Project

00:02:36.090 --> 00:02:37.512 align:middle line:90%
Wildlife in San Diego.

00:02:37.512 --> 00:02:38.970 align:middle line:84%
I was writing about
pelicans, and I

00:02:38.970 --> 00:02:42.660 align:middle line:84%
wanted to do pelican
rescue, but they didn't

00:02:42.660 --> 00:02:43.950 align:middle line:90%
have any pelicans to rescue.

00:02:43.950 --> 00:02:45.687 align:middle line:84%
So I took a very
Buddhist approach,

00:02:45.687 --> 00:02:47.770 align:middle line:84%
and I said, well, I'll
rescue whatever you've got.

00:02:47.770 --> 00:02:50.250 align:middle line:90%
So I began rescuing ducks.

00:02:50.250 --> 00:02:55.110 align:middle line:84%
And I was living in the home
of one graduate students

00:02:55.110 --> 00:02:56.815 align:middle line:90%
at that time, and we get a call.

00:02:56.815 --> 00:02:57.990 align:middle line:90%
It'd be Friday.

00:02:57.990 --> 00:03:00.798 align:middle line:84%
And go to Campland, and
there's a duck with an arrow

00:03:00.798 --> 00:03:01.590 align:middle line:90%
through its breast.

00:03:01.590 --> 00:03:04.470 align:middle line:84%
And the student would
say to me, thanks Sandra,

00:03:04.470 --> 00:03:05.820 align:middle line:90%
it's Friday night.

00:03:05.820 --> 00:03:07.170 align:middle line:90%
Other girls are on dates.

00:03:07.170 --> 00:03:10.448 align:middle line:84%
I'm out driving around with you
to rescue a duck with an arrow

00:03:10.448 --> 00:03:11.240 align:middle line:90%
through its breast.

00:03:11.240 --> 00:03:14.190 align:middle line:90%


00:03:14.190 --> 00:03:16.530 align:middle line:84%
And there were
other moments too.

00:03:16.530 --> 00:03:20.460 align:middle line:84%
I gave them a certain day,
and they would give me

00:03:20.460 --> 00:03:22.073 align:middle line:90%
ducks to do release, you know?

00:03:22.073 --> 00:03:23.490 align:middle line:84%
And you see these
grand releases--

00:03:23.490 --> 00:03:24.790 align:middle line:90%
Eagles and so forth.

00:03:24.790 --> 00:03:27.278 align:middle line:84%
And we had lobster
boxes full of ducks.

00:03:27.278 --> 00:03:29.070 align:middle line:84%
And when we would pull
up at the stoplight,

00:03:29.070 --> 00:03:30.320 align:middle line:90%
they would all start gabbling.

00:03:30.320 --> 00:03:32.737 align:middle line:84%
And people would look at us,
and the whole back of the car

00:03:32.737 --> 00:03:33.330 align:middle line:90%
was gabbling.

00:03:33.330 --> 00:03:36.030 align:middle line:84%
But we had to let them
loose before sunset

00:03:36.030 --> 00:03:36.993 align:middle line:90%
so they could preen.

00:03:36.993 --> 00:03:38.910 align:middle line:84%
And we had to let them
loose at a certain pond

00:03:38.910 --> 00:03:41.730 align:middle line:90%
so they didn't get gang banged.

00:03:41.730 --> 00:03:45.000 align:middle line:84%
So this place was
in vacation village,

00:03:45.000 --> 00:03:48.180 align:middle line:84%
which is an island made
of landfill in San Diego.

00:03:48.180 --> 00:03:51.120 align:middle line:84%
And we would have to
climb on our bellies

00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:54.870 align:middle line:84%
with lobster boxes of
ducks to release them

00:03:54.870 --> 00:03:58.560 align:middle line:84%
in the middle of what was always
taking place at that hour--

00:03:58.560 --> 00:04:01.290 align:middle line:90%
a wedding.

00:04:01.290 --> 00:04:05.070 align:middle line:84%
But anyway, I had experience
with rescuing animals.

00:04:05.070 --> 00:04:09.370 align:middle line:90%
So I tell my husband, it's OK.

00:04:09.370 --> 00:04:15.430 align:middle line:84%
Get my bathrobe and
get the fire mitts,

00:04:15.430 --> 00:04:18.220 align:middle line:84%
and I'm going to do
this the same way

00:04:18.220 --> 00:04:19.660 align:middle line:90%
that we did with other birds.

00:04:19.660 --> 00:04:24.550 align:middle line:84%
You throw in the towel or
the bathrobe over the bird,

00:04:24.550 --> 00:04:29.840 align:middle line:90%
grab it, and that's that.

00:04:29.840 --> 00:04:33.530 align:middle line:84%
Fortunately, 15 minutes
passed before my husband

00:04:33.530 --> 00:04:35.780 align:middle line:84%
was able to assemble
all this, because had I

00:04:35.780 --> 00:04:39.500 align:middle line:84%
done that, that bird would have
snapped my wrist in a second.

00:04:39.500 --> 00:04:41.305 align:middle line:90%
But I was ill informed.

00:04:41.305 --> 00:04:43.430 align:middle line:84%
I had never had a goshawk
in my living room before.

00:04:43.430 --> 00:04:46.170 align:middle line:90%


00:04:46.170 --> 00:04:50.040 align:middle line:84%
After that 15 minutes,
it self corrected.

00:04:50.040 --> 00:04:52.290 align:middle line:90%
It was facing west.

00:04:52.290 --> 00:04:54.150 align:middle line:84%
It had come through
the north window.

00:04:54.150 --> 00:04:59.040 align:middle line:84%
It lifted up and went through
the hole, two panes of glass,

00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:00.180 align:middle line:90%
a few drops of blood.

00:05:00.180 --> 00:05:02.470 align:middle line:90%
That was it.

00:05:02.470 --> 00:05:05.640 align:middle line:90%
Now this meditation comes.

00:05:05.640 --> 00:05:08.940 align:middle line:84%
Hawk, by the way, is from
the middle English hafoc.

00:05:08.940 --> 00:05:12.210 align:middle line:90%


00:05:12.210 --> 00:05:13.830 align:middle line:90%
"Plucking Post."

00:05:13.830 --> 00:05:17.520 align:middle line:84%
"The mind was a slow adventure,
feeling its way alone

00:05:17.520 --> 00:05:20.400 align:middle line:90%
in the dark--" TH White.

00:05:20.400 --> 00:05:21.780 align:middle line:90%
"Glass."

00:05:21.780 --> 00:05:24.870 align:middle line:84%
"In the glass of the adult
fantasy shop advertising,

00:05:24.870 --> 00:05:26.610 align:middle line:90%
you already know the plot.

00:05:26.610 --> 00:05:29.460 align:middle line:90%
Advertising exotic dancers.

00:05:29.460 --> 00:05:32.040 align:middle line:84%
Our car flashes
through yellow letters.

00:05:32.040 --> 00:05:36.750 align:middle line:84%
So early, even before morning
coffee, a clingy rayon sheath

00:05:36.750 --> 00:05:41.640 align:middle line:84%
splits above one knee, cracks
open the shop door, small body

00:05:41.640 --> 00:05:46.080 align:middle line:84%
smoking, not dancing or smiling
or waving to attract notice.

00:05:46.080 --> 00:05:48.060 align:middle line:90%
Breast, drowsy and cold.

00:05:48.060 --> 00:05:53.190 align:middle line:84%
Cars rooster tailing spit
at her exposed ankles.

00:05:53.190 --> 00:05:57.000 align:middle line:84%
Hellgate winds sleeting,
we are all drowsy and cold

00:05:57.000 --> 00:05:57.870 align:middle line:90%
this morning.

00:05:57.870 --> 00:06:02.070 align:middle line:84%
Pale flesh and gunmetal
luster, traffic stalls

00:06:02.070 --> 00:06:05.180 align:middle line:90%
fixates upon her."

00:06:05.180 --> 00:06:06.920 align:middle line:90%
"Regard."

00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:09.800 align:middle line:84%
"A hawk does not
like to be regarded.

00:06:09.800 --> 00:06:14.870 align:middle line:84%
Stare past it into the shadows
char-capped, slate backed,

00:06:14.870 --> 00:06:18.890 align:middle line:84%
streak breasted when it crashes
through two panes of glass.

00:06:18.890 --> 00:06:22.910 align:middle line:84%
White eyebrows flare behind
red eyes, maniac eyes,

00:06:22.910 --> 00:06:24.830 align:middle line:90%
illuminated like manuscripts.

00:06:24.830 --> 00:06:27.230 align:middle line:84%
Secretive,
high-circling eyes that

00:06:27.230 --> 00:06:30.950 align:middle line:84%
might detect a human by
moonlight at 100 meters.

00:06:30.950 --> 00:06:32.720 align:middle line:90%
Strike, draw blood.

00:06:32.720 --> 00:06:36.770 align:middle line:84%
This morning, it comes
uninvited leaving a perfect wing

00:06:36.770 --> 00:06:41.540 align:middle line:84%
impression, hunting and
courting an empty silhouette.

00:06:41.540 --> 00:06:47.210 align:middle line:84%
A bird that can crush skulls,
blade flesh, crack wrist bones,

00:06:47.210 --> 00:06:51.930 align:middle line:90%
stands inside our window ledge."

00:06:51.930 --> 00:06:53.730 align:middle line:90%
"Capture."

00:06:53.730 --> 00:06:55.660 align:middle line:84%
"To capture a wild
hawk, a man might

00:06:55.660 --> 00:06:58.110 align:middle line:84%
seed a blanket with
mustard, dig a cave beneath,

00:06:58.110 --> 00:07:01.650 align:middle line:84%
wait until pigeons appeared as
bait to feed on yellow bloom,

00:07:01.650 --> 00:07:03.030 align:middle line:90%
become food.

00:07:03.030 --> 00:07:06.660 align:middle line:84%
Sleepless and weak, he'd carry
the snared hawk, its hot feet

00:07:06.660 --> 00:07:09.810 align:middle line:84%
on his wrist as it
studied the kerosene lamp

00:07:09.810 --> 00:07:12.420 align:middle line:84%
with throwing wings
against the ceiling

00:07:12.420 --> 00:07:15.840 align:middle line:84%
while the man danced
a foxtrot, whistling.

00:07:15.840 --> 00:07:19.320 align:middle line:84%
At 4:00 in the morning,
a hawk can read emotion

00:07:19.320 --> 00:07:20.790 align:middle line:90%
in a man's face.

00:07:20.790 --> 00:07:23.550 align:middle line:84%
The hawk breathing
faster than the man

00:07:23.550 --> 00:07:26.940 align:middle line:84%
who was reciting
Shakespeare, Macbeth, Lear,

00:07:26.940 --> 00:07:29.490 align:middle line:90%
and broken highland hymns.

00:07:29.490 --> 00:07:33.060 align:middle line:84%
With more than a hint
of lunacy, a hawk

00:07:33.060 --> 00:07:37.580 align:middle line:90%
is psychic and loves its music."

00:07:37.580 --> 00:07:39.120 align:middle line:90%
"Gentle."

00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:45.030 align:middle line:84%
"Mansuetude-- state of being
gentle from madness, hand, plus

00:07:45.030 --> 00:07:50.070 align:middle line:84%
soothsayer to accustom,
domesticate, become smaller,

00:07:50.070 --> 00:07:52.230 align:middle line:90%
lose wild coloration.

00:07:52.230 --> 00:07:55.590 align:middle line:84%
Neither piebald nor
skewbald, face shortens.

00:07:55.590 --> 00:07:56.700 align:middle line:90%
Blood modifies.

00:07:56.700 --> 00:08:00.870 align:middle line:84%
Skin becomes cape or pelt.
To say nothing of the skull.

00:08:00.870 --> 00:08:05.010 align:middle line:84%
Who doesn't abandon
wildness to young?

00:08:05.010 --> 00:08:09.210 align:middle line:84%
Body flung on the kitchen floor,
threatening to drink poison.

00:08:09.210 --> 00:08:12.120 align:middle line:84%
Big black X under
the kitchen sink

00:08:12.120 --> 00:08:15.630 align:middle line:84%
unless the brain is allowed
to follow its own motions.

00:08:15.630 --> 00:08:19.770 align:middle line:84%
And, even then, don't we
bury our deepest hunger?

00:08:19.770 --> 00:08:24.850 align:middle line:84%
One without logic,
one we will not alter.

00:08:24.850 --> 00:08:26.280 align:middle line:90%
Hafoc.

00:08:26.280 --> 00:08:27.610 align:middle line:90%
Hawk.

00:08:27.610 --> 00:08:28.990 align:middle line:90%
Noble havoc.

00:08:28.990 --> 00:08:30.790 align:middle line:90%
We carry inside.

00:08:30.790 --> 00:08:33.070 align:middle line:84%
Until it turns to
slash the mind,

00:08:33.070 --> 00:08:36.280 align:middle line:84%
flies from our chest,
hoses to the plucking post.

00:08:36.280 --> 00:08:38.799 align:middle line:84%
My precious one, pray
thee I know, if you go,

00:08:38.799 --> 00:08:42.760 align:middle line:84%
cause like cleverness to
descend quietly upon me.

00:08:42.760 --> 00:08:45.640 align:middle line:84%
When the hawk finally
lifts horizontal,

00:08:45.640 --> 00:08:47.920 align:middle line:84%
glides back through
an invisible hole,

00:08:47.920 --> 00:08:51.130 align:middle line:84%
it leaves only a
few drops of blood.

00:08:51.130 --> 00:08:53.260 align:middle line:90%
What is adult fantasy?

00:08:53.260 --> 00:08:55.060 align:middle line:90%
Magical navigation?

00:08:55.060 --> 00:08:56.260 align:middle line:90%
Intimacy?

00:08:56.260 --> 00:08:58.960 align:middle line:84%
God is not the only
script for the unknown.

00:08:58.960 --> 00:09:03.400 align:middle line:84%
When everything is safe,
everything composed,

00:09:03.400 --> 00:09:07.090 align:middle line:84%
a body smokes in
the morning light--

00:09:07.090 --> 00:09:12.270 align:middle line:84%
a hole in the shape
of a hawk in flight."

00:09:12.270 --> 00:09:13.000 align:middle line:90%