WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:01.912 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:00:01.912 --> 00:00:03.830 align:middle line:90% 00:00:03.830 --> 00:00:05.750 align:middle line:84% Thank you, Ander, for that really generous, 00:00:05.750 --> 00:00:07.220 align:middle line:90% generous introduction. 00:00:07.220 --> 00:00:10.340 align:middle line:84% Anyone write a telekinesis nude modeling story, send it to me, 00:00:10.340 --> 00:00:12.860 align:middle line:84% please, directly to my email address. 00:00:12.860 --> 00:00:14.810 align:middle line:84% Thanks for mentioning Waxwing as well. 00:00:14.810 --> 00:00:16.580 align:middle line:84% Isaac Kirkman has been in Waxwing 00:00:16.580 --> 00:00:18.530 align:middle line:84% if you want to check out some past issues. 00:00:18.530 --> 00:00:21.810 align:middle line:84% I think he might be the only one in the room that we've had. 00:00:21.810 --> 00:00:23.360 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:00:23.360 --> 00:00:24.905 align:middle line:84% Thank you to everyone for coming. 00:00:24.905 --> 00:00:26.780 align:middle line:84% It's a real pleasure to have my first reading 00:00:26.780 --> 00:00:29.330 align:middle line:84% from my first book in my dad's hometown 00:00:29.330 --> 00:00:32.090 align:middle line:84% and to see a couple of friendly and familiar faces in the room. 00:00:32.090 --> 00:00:33.270 align:middle line:90% So thanks for that. 00:00:33.270 --> 00:00:35.840 align:middle line:84% Thank you so much to Vickie for letting me crash your poet 00:00:35.840 --> 00:00:37.617 align:middle line:90% party and be your opening band. 00:00:37.617 --> 00:00:39.200 align:middle line:84% I'm not sure if it's clear to everyone 00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:40.520 align:middle line:90% that I'm a fiction writer. 00:00:40.520 --> 00:00:44.135 align:middle line:84% But I'll try to bring my poet game as best I can. 00:00:44.135 --> 00:00:45.260 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:00:45.260 --> 00:00:47.630 align:middle line:84% And finally, thank you so much to Tyler. 00:00:47.630 --> 00:00:49.580 align:middle line:84% Probably everyone in this room knows 00:00:49.580 --> 00:00:52.100 align:middle line:84% what a great community citizen he is and the way he 00:00:52.100 --> 00:00:55.280 align:middle line:84% supports other writers in addition to being a fine poet 00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:56.150 align:middle line:90% himself. 00:00:56.150 --> 00:00:57.950 align:middle line:84% I just reread "Heart Attack" this morning, 00:00:57.950 --> 00:01:00.190 align:middle line:90% and it's a really killer poem. 00:01:00.190 --> 00:01:01.940 align:middle line:84% I'm going to tell a quick story about what 00:01:01.940 --> 00:01:03.470 align:middle line:90% a great citizen he's been to me. 00:01:03.470 --> 00:01:05.120 align:middle line:84% And that will explain why I chose 00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:07.160 align:middle line:84% to read the story I chose to read tonight. 00:01:07.160 --> 00:01:10.100 align:middle line:84% The Kenyon Review published the first story in this collection. 00:01:10.100 --> 00:01:11.150 align:middle line:90% It's called "Gravity." 00:01:11.150 --> 00:01:13.310 align:middle line:84% And a couple of years after it was published, 00:01:13.310 --> 00:01:15.620 align:middle line:84% I finally got the guts up enough at a conference 00:01:15.620 --> 00:01:17.930 align:middle line:84% to go talk to the Kenyon Review table 00:01:17.930 --> 00:01:20.000 align:middle line:84% and actually introduce myself, because I'd 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:21.320 align:middle line:90% been too shy before. 00:01:21.320 --> 00:01:25.010 align:middle line:84% And so I tentatively said to Tyler, "I'm Erin Stalcup." 00:01:25.010 --> 00:01:27.230 align:middle line:84% And he said, "Oh yeah, you wrote "Gravity." 00:01:27.230 --> 00:01:29.120 align:middle line:84% Isn't that the title of your collection? 00:01:29.120 --> 00:01:30.470 align:middle line:90% How's the collection coming? 00:01:30.470 --> 00:01:32.090 align:middle line:90% I really liked that story." 00:01:32.090 --> 00:01:34.585 align:middle line:84% Remembered me, remembered my work, remembered 00:01:34.585 --> 00:01:36.210 align:middle line:84% that I was working on a book, and said, 00:01:36.210 --> 00:01:38.700 align:middle line:84% hey, when that book is finally done, please let us know. 00:01:38.700 --> 00:01:40.820 align:middle line:84% We all would want to celebrate with you. 00:01:40.820 --> 00:01:44.360 align:middle line:84% And that's the first time anyone recognized me at all. 00:01:44.360 --> 00:01:47.000 align:middle line:84% And it took me many more years to finish the book. 00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:49.160 align:middle line:90% And it underwent a title change. 00:01:49.160 --> 00:01:51.230 align:middle line:84% But "Gravity" is still the opening story. 00:01:51.230 --> 00:01:53.092 align:middle line:84% So I'm going to read about 2/3 of that. 00:01:53.092 --> 00:01:54.800 align:middle line:84% So you won't get to hear the whole story. 00:01:54.800 --> 00:01:56.685 align:middle line:84% You'll get to learn about the problem. 00:01:56.685 --> 00:01:58.435 align:middle line:84% You won't get to learn about the solution. 00:01:58.435 --> 00:01:58.935 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:01:58.935 --> 00:02:00.710 align:middle line:84% So thank you to Tyler for inviting me 00:02:00.710 --> 00:02:03.890 align:middle line:90% and for all you do for writers. 00:02:03.890 --> 00:02:05.810 align:middle line:84% This story starts with an epigraph. 00:02:05.810 --> 00:02:09.620 align:middle line:84% And the epigraph is from Jon Mooallem. 00:02:09.620 --> 00:02:13.490 align:middle line:84% We are suspenders of disbelief, easily enchanted 00:02:13.490 --> 00:02:16.680 align:middle line:84% by possibility, addicted to wonder. 00:02:16.680 --> 00:02:19.220 align:middle line:84% So whatever measure of faith we harbor 00:02:19.220 --> 00:02:22.040 align:middle line:84% in the fallibility of gravity may, 00:02:22.040 --> 00:02:24.470 align:middle line:84% like our faith in so many things, 00:02:24.470 --> 00:02:28.310 align:middle line:84% be sustained not by facts or lack of facts 00:02:28.310 --> 00:02:33.930 align:middle line:84% as much as by the sheer strength of our longing for it to be so. 00:02:33.930 --> 00:02:34.430 align:middle line:90% Thanks. 00:02:34.430 --> 00:02:34.790 align:middle line:90% [LAUGHTER] 00:02:34.790 --> 00:02:35.457 align:middle line:90% I appreciate it. 00:02:35.457 --> 00:02:39.110 align:middle line:90% 00:02:39.110 --> 00:02:41.930 align:middle line:84% I longed to fall in love in the way of the cinema-- 00:02:41.930 --> 00:02:46.040 align:middle line:84% fairy tales, tall tales, and great novels of all time. 00:02:46.040 --> 00:02:48.620 align:middle line:84% I had faith it would happen to me someday-- 00:02:48.620 --> 00:02:50.870 align:middle line:90% any day now. 00:02:50.870 --> 00:02:54.200 align:middle line:84% He dressed like a banker but didn't stand like one. 00:02:54.200 --> 00:02:56.390 align:middle line:90% I wore skirts every day. 00:02:56.390 --> 00:02:59.930 align:middle line:84% We didn't always ride the elevator together-- but often. 00:02:59.930 --> 00:03:03.290 align:middle line:84% If we were waiting for it side by side, when it arrived, 00:03:03.290 --> 00:03:05.900 align:middle line:84% he would hold the door, let me walk in first, 00:03:05.900 --> 00:03:09.200 align:middle line:84% as if he'd opened that door, as if he had drawn a side 00:03:09.200 --> 00:03:12.870 align:middle line:84% a velvet curtain to the box seat at an opera. 00:03:12.870 --> 00:03:15.490 align:middle line:84% I'd walk to the corner, and he'd stand in front of me-- 00:03:15.490 --> 00:03:17.190 align:middle line:90% let me see his back. 00:03:17.190 --> 00:03:20.820 align:middle line:84% He wore well-cut suits I could sense the texture of just 00:03:20.820 --> 00:03:22.180 align:middle line:90% by looking. 00:03:22.180 --> 00:03:25.230 align:middle line:90% I didn't touch for a long time. 00:03:25.230 --> 00:03:27.120 align:middle line:84% The elevator floor pushed against our feet, 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:30.210 align:middle line:84% and our feet pushed downward, driven by a force that felt 00:03:30.210 --> 00:03:32.550 align:middle line:84% like it was coming from above, but wasn't-- 00:03:32.550 --> 00:03:35.250 align:middle line:84% instead drawn down from the center of the Earth 00:03:35.250 --> 00:03:37.980 align:middle line:84% that wanted us to return to where we came from-- 00:03:37.980 --> 00:03:40.920 align:middle line:90% ashes to ashes, dust to dust. 00:03:40.920 --> 00:03:43.620 align:middle line:84% Our feet were pulled downward, and the floor of the elevator 00:03:43.620 --> 00:03:47.040 align:middle line:84% pushed upward, and it pushed harder, so we rose. 00:03:47.040 --> 00:03:49.260 align:middle line:84% And then one day, as we lifted through the levels 00:03:49.260 --> 00:03:52.680 align:middle line:84% of the building, he looked up into the mirrored ceiling, 00:03:52.680 --> 00:03:53.940 align:middle line:90% and I did too. 00:03:53.940 --> 00:03:55.800 align:middle line:84% And we saw each other-- our faces 00:03:55.800 --> 00:03:57.840 align:middle line:84% framed by the tops of many heads, 00:03:57.840 --> 00:04:00.810 align:middle line:84% the ceiling a goldenish metal so that our faces 00:04:00.810 --> 00:04:03.390 align:middle line:90% were lit, glazed. 00:04:03.390 --> 00:04:04.770 align:middle line:90% We smiled. 00:04:04.770 --> 00:04:07.320 align:middle line:84% I got off the elevator first as I always did. 00:04:07.320 --> 00:04:11.040 align:middle line:84% And as I stepped around him, I drew my hand across his back. 00:04:11.040 --> 00:04:15.550 align:middle line:84% We were both wearing heavy golden rings then. 00:04:15.550 --> 00:04:17.260 align:middle line:84% I always said the number for my floor. 00:04:17.260 --> 00:04:18.680 align:middle line:90% 17, please. 00:04:18.680 --> 00:04:21.220 align:middle line:84% And one day, he didn't push the button. 00:04:21.220 --> 00:04:23.410 align:middle line:84% We sailed up while the others exited. 00:04:23.410 --> 00:04:26.020 align:middle line:84% And then we were on the top floor. 00:04:26.020 --> 00:04:27.340 align:middle line:90% The doors slid open. 00:04:27.340 --> 00:04:29.620 align:middle line:84% He walked out and into the corner office. 00:04:29.620 --> 00:04:30.940 align:middle line:90% I followed. 00:04:30.940 --> 00:04:33.700 align:middle line:84% He shut the rich mahogany door without windows 00:04:33.700 --> 00:04:36.980 align:middle line:84% so no one from the office could see inside. 00:04:36.980 --> 00:04:39.740 align:middle line:84% Two walls were glass, overlooking the city. 00:04:39.740 --> 00:04:42.140 align:middle line:84% We could be seen by others in the other towers 00:04:42.140 --> 00:04:44.150 align:middle line:84% that they picked this window to look into out 00:04:44.150 --> 00:04:46.610 align:middle line:90% of all the hundreds of windows. 00:04:46.610 --> 00:04:49.250 align:middle line:84% He lifted me onto his desk, lifted my skirt 00:04:49.250 --> 00:04:51.830 align:middle line:84% around my waist, ran his thumb inside the top 00:04:51.830 --> 00:04:54.980 align:middle line:84% of my thigh-high hose, said, nice. 00:04:54.980 --> 00:04:56.840 align:middle line:90% Knelt before me. 00:04:56.840 --> 00:04:59.120 align:middle line:84% And before he knew my name, I was moaning. 00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:02.540 align:middle line:84% Before I opened my eyes, he was standing and inside me. 00:05:02.540 --> 00:05:04.230 align:middle line:84% And when I wrapped my legs around him, 00:05:04.230 --> 00:05:08.240 align:middle line:84% I felt like I was tumbling, like we were spiraling up and away. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:11.360 align:middle line:84% He yelled himself into me and when we opened our eyes, 00:05:11.360 --> 00:05:13.610 align:middle line:90% we were up against the ceiling. 00:05:13.610 --> 00:05:17.480 align:middle line:84% His papers, pens, phone, computer, briefcase, briefs, 00:05:17.480 --> 00:05:22.070 align:middle line:84% printer, chair, desk, staplers, post-it notes, paper clips, 00:05:22.070 --> 00:05:25.460 align:middle line:84% thumbtacks, books, bookends, and newspapers 00:05:25.460 --> 00:05:31.080 align:middle line:84% were spinning slowly around us as if in a decelerated tornado. 00:05:31.080 --> 00:05:33.690 align:middle line:84% Everyone everywhere was screaming. 00:05:33.690 --> 00:05:35.880 align:middle line:84% We looked into the windows of the other towers, 00:05:35.880 --> 00:05:38.790 align:middle line:84% and it was as if someone had shaken all the 78 story 00:05:38.790 --> 00:05:40.590 align:middle line:90% compartmentalized snow globes. 00:05:40.590 --> 00:05:43.020 align:middle line:84% People and their objects hovered in the air, 00:05:43.020 --> 00:05:46.050 align:middle line:84% slowly swooned and swayed, and lifted and lowered, 00:05:46.050 --> 00:05:48.150 align:middle line:90% as if on the moon. 00:05:48.150 --> 00:05:51.990 align:middle line:84% I always knew I could do this, I said, break a bond, 00:05:51.990 --> 00:05:54.690 align:middle line:84% be released upward, change the world. 00:05:54.690 --> 00:05:56.880 align:middle line:84% And he dipped me into a back-bending kiss 00:05:56.880 --> 00:05:58.500 align:middle line:90% that tipped us upside down. 00:05:58.500 --> 00:06:01.530 align:middle line:84% Though now down was just a concept. 00:06:01.530 --> 00:06:03.600 align:middle line:84% We spun, and flitted, and delighted, 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:06.870 align:middle line:84% moved around the room touching things, we took off our rings 00:06:06.870 --> 00:06:07.980 align:middle line:90% and let them float. 00:06:07.980 --> 00:06:10.660 align:middle line:84% And one time, they clanged against each other, 00:06:10.660 --> 00:06:16.260 align:middle line:84% making a barely audible tinging sound, then drifted away. 00:06:16.260 --> 00:06:18.180 align:middle line:84% At his place, we took off our clothes, 00:06:18.180 --> 00:06:19.770 align:middle line:90% and they floated next to us. 00:06:19.770 --> 00:06:23.220 align:middle line:84% The puddle of a dress, his trousers on their own walk. 00:06:23.220 --> 00:06:27.600 align:middle line:84% No fetters, we were everywhere and right there at once. 00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:29.670 align:middle line:84% We bounced around the room, my legs 00:06:29.670 --> 00:06:31.890 align:middle line:84% wrapped around his waist to keep us together. 00:06:31.890 --> 00:06:35.310 align:middle line:84% Then we tried to stay suspended in the middle. 00:06:35.310 --> 00:06:36.610 align:middle line:90% "Stay with me. 00:06:36.610 --> 00:06:38.550 align:middle line:84% Stay in the air with me," he said. 00:06:38.550 --> 00:06:41.700 align:middle line:84% And I thought we could just hover still imbalanced, 00:06:41.700 --> 00:06:43.680 align:middle line:90% but we couldn't-- not for long. 00:06:43.680 --> 00:06:46.260 align:middle line:90% Every tiny move propelled us. 00:06:46.260 --> 00:06:49.650 align:middle line:84% A shift in the bend of my hip made us scoot backward a touch. 00:06:49.650 --> 00:06:51.990 align:middle line:84% A roll of my shoulder made us spin. 00:06:51.990 --> 00:06:54.870 align:middle line:84% The body was much more responsive to the body 00:06:54.870 --> 00:06:57.510 align:middle line:84% without the weight of gravity pulling us down, 00:06:57.510 --> 00:07:00.270 align:middle line:90% tying us to a center. 00:07:00.270 --> 00:07:03.390 align:middle line:84% We rose to the ceiling and touched it simultaneously, 00:07:03.390 --> 00:07:05.670 align:middle line:84% both of us reaching out as it approached, 00:07:05.670 --> 00:07:08.850 align:middle line:84% both stretching fingertips to have that feeling as soon as we 00:07:08.850 --> 00:07:11.850 align:middle line:84% could, both with the same odd childlike 00:07:11.850 --> 00:07:15.480 align:middle line:84% expression of amazement and desire to feel it fully. 00:07:15.480 --> 00:07:18.048 align:middle line:84% And I knew we'd done the right thing. 00:07:18.048 --> 00:07:19.590 align:middle line:84% Our fingers hit the roof of the room. 00:07:19.590 --> 00:07:20.910 align:middle line:90% Our palms were against it. 00:07:20.910 --> 00:07:22.590 align:middle line:90% And then we were flying away-- 00:07:22.590 --> 00:07:24.510 align:middle line:84% the contact enough without friction 00:07:24.510 --> 00:07:27.060 align:middle line:84% to send us orbiting back down toward the floor. 00:07:27.060 --> 00:07:30.660 align:middle line:84% Falling felt like flying, felt like the rising we'd just done. 00:07:30.660 --> 00:07:32.640 align:middle line:84% And as we spiraled, and cascaded, 00:07:32.640 --> 00:07:35.700 align:middle line:84% and tumbled without speed, without fear of landing, 00:07:35.700 --> 00:07:38.970 align:middle line:84% we touched the rug and bounded back upward. 00:07:38.970 --> 00:07:41.160 align:middle line:84% Soon I'd lost my direction-- didn't know up 00:07:41.160 --> 00:07:42.540 align:middle line:90% with eyes closed. 00:07:42.540 --> 00:07:44.550 align:middle line:90% The entire room became our bed. 00:07:44.550 --> 00:07:45.930 align:middle line:90% We covered most of it. 00:07:45.930 --> 00:07:48.810 align:middle line:84% The furniture so mixed, lifted and jumbled, 00:07:48.810 --> 00:07:51.180 align:middle line:84% that opening my eyes didn't immediately tell me 00:07:51.180 --> 00:07:53.310 align:middle line:90% which direction I was headed. 00:07:53.310 --> 00:07:56.220 align:middle line:84% Only the fastened light fixture and stapled in carpet 00:07:56.220 --> 00:07:58.710 align:middle line:90% were left as signs. 00:07:58.710 --> 00:08:01.170 align:middle line:84% When it was all over, we thought to swim to the bathroom 00:08:01.170 --> 00:08:02.280 align:middle line:90% and bathe together. 00:08:02.280 --> 00:08:04.710 align:middle line:84% But of course, water no longer fell. 00:08:04.710 --> 00:08:09.100 align:middle line:84% We toweled each other off, went to collect our clothes. 00:08:09.100 --> 00:08:11.830 align:middle line:84% He called his wife, who was traveling on business. 00:08:11.830 --> 00:08:15.400 align:middle line:84% She was safe but scared, because it had happened there too. 00:08:15.400 --> 00:08:17.360 align:middle line:84% Gravity had gone away everywhere. 00:08:17.360 --> 00:08:19.730 align:middle line:84% And of course, she didn't know why. 00:08:19.730 --> 00:08:22.730 align:middle line:84% He didn't tell her then what he would be arriving home to-- 00:08:22.730 --> 00:08:26.180 align:middle line:84% him gone and me too, moved into a new place together. 00:08:26.180 --> 00:08:29.540 align:middle line:84% But he did speak to her soon after she arrived. 00:08:29.540 --> 00:08:31.040 align:middle line:84% He never told me how she reacted, 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:32.990 align:middle line:84% but I presumed there was screaming 00:08:32.990 --> 00:08:36.770 align:middle line:84% and attempts at slapping, that drab, matte, heavy woman's 00:08:36.770 --> 00:08:39.200 align:middle line:84% palm flying toward his face, though it's 00:08:39.200 --> 00:08:42.720 align:middle line:84% difficult to hit someone hard these days. 00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:44.910 align:middle line:84% I went to my house, packed my things 00:08:44.910 --> 00:08:46.920 align:middle line:90% by snatching them from the air. 00:08:46.920 --> 00:08:49.590 align:middle line:84% I swam through the halls, my husband following me. 00:08:49.590 --> 00:08:52.770 align:middle line:84% And he couldn't exactly grab me and yank me to face him, 00:08:52.770 --> 00:08:56.070 align:middle line:84% because any pull on me yanked him too. 00:08:56.070 --> 00:08:59.580 align:middle line:84% There was still air to carry sound, air to swim through, 00:08:59.580 --> 00:09:02.250 align:middle line:84% but his yelling felt muffled by all the objects floating 00:09:02.250 --> 00:09:03.990 align:middle line:90% through every room. 00:09:03.990 --> 00:09:06.330 align:middle line:84% I packed two suitcases as full as I could, 00:09:06.330 --> 00:09:08.340 align:middle line:90% and they never felt weighted. 00:09:08.340 --> 00:09:10.710 align:middle line:84% I told him the truth, that I'd been slowly suffocating 00:09:10.710 --> 00:09:11.400 align:middle line:90% for years-- 00:09:11.400 --> 00:09:14.310 align:middle line:84% that I'd never loved him the way I wanted to love someone. 00:09:14.310 --> 00:09:15.900 align:middle line:84% I just married him because I didn't 00:09:15.900 --> 00:09:17.700 align:middle line:84% have a good enough reason to say, no, 00:09:17.700 --> 00:09:20.100 align:middle line:84% but finally realized I hadn't had a good enough reason 00:09:20.100 --> 00:09:22.170 align:middle line:90% to say, yes, either. 00:09:22.170 --> 00:09:22.740 align:middle line:90% "Now?" 00:09:22.740 --> 00:09:24.600 align:middle line:84% he asked, "You're leaving me now, 00:09:24.600 --> 00:09:27.240 align:middle line:84% when everything's crazy, and up in the air?" 00:09:27.240 --> 00:09:32.850 align:middle line:84% "I can't think of a better time," I said, and swam away. 00:09:32.850 --> 00:09:35.760 align:middle line:84% Once you cut the chain and leap, there are no chains-- 00:09:35.760 --> 00:09:36.960 align:middle line:90% all is leaping. 00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:39.240 align:middle line:84% When gravity goes, you see all the chains 00:09:39.240 --> 00:09:40.770 align:middle line:90% are our own invention. 00:09:40.770 --> 00:09:42.060 align:middle line:90% It was never a force. 00:09:42.060 --> 00:09:44.850 align:middle line:84% It was something we postulated and then lived by. 00:09:44.850 --> 00:09:46.680 align:middle line:84% We felt the pull downward because we'd 00:09:46.680 --> 00:09:48.810 align:middle line:84% been told we were supposed to feel it. 00:09:48.810 --> 00:09:53.610 align:middle line:84% When you decide that obligation isn't really there, it isn't. 00:09:53.610 --> 00:09:56.970 align:middle line:84% He bought me flowers weekly, and they twirled around the rooms, 00:09:56.970 --> 00:09:59.610 align:middle line:84% and often the water stayed inside. 00:09:59.610 --> 00:10:01.980 align:middle line:84% He bought me jewels, looped them around my neck, 00:10:01.980 --> 00:10:03.690 align:middle line:84% slid them through holes in my ears, 00:10:03.690 --> 00:10:06.510 align:middle line:84% twined them around my wrists, left them on my body 00:10:06.510 --> 00:10:08.880 align:middle line:90% when my clothing was removed. 00:10:08.880 --> 00:10:11.730 align:middle line:84% After our lovemaking, puddles would sometimes slip from me 00:10:11.730 --> 00:10:15.810 align:middle line:84% and stay suspended, glimmering, moonlight turned liquid. 00:10:15.810 --> 00:10:18.360 align:middle line:84% He liked to take my clothes off and arrange them in the air 00:10:18.360 --> 00:10:21.420 align:middle line:84% into my shape so that he could watch the clothed me 00:10:21.420 --> 00:10:23.640 align:middle line:90% while he touched the naked me. 00:10:23.640 --> 00:10:26.460 align:middle line:90% I watched too. 00:10:26.460 --> 00:10:28.890 align:middle line:84% All the doors were removed from the elevator shaft. 00:10:28.890 --> 00:10:30.900 align:middle line:90% The elevator itself taken away. 00:10:30.900 --> 00:10:33.090 align:middle line:84% The inside refurbished, tiled, so 00:10:33.090 --> 00:10:35.490 align:middle line:84% that it was a long pleasant column of air, 00:10:35.490 --> 00:10:38.550 align:middle line:84% lit, no longer dark and frightening. 00:10:38.550 --> 00:10:40.740 align:middle line:84% To get to another floor, we boosted ourselves up 00:10:40.740 --> 00:10:42.120 align:middle line:90% through the huge tube. 00:10:42.120 --> 00:10:44.160 align:middle line:84% Some flutter-kicked their feet, some 00:10:44.160 --> 00:10:45.750 align:middle line:84% pulled themselves up with the cord 00:10:45.750 --> 00:10:47.220 align:middle line:90% left running through the middle. 00:10:47.220 --> 00:10:51.030 align:middle line:84% Some bought little propellers that blew them up and along. 00:10:51.030 --> 00:10:54.240 align:middle line:84% No longer the ritual of waiting, of pressing bodies together 00:10:54.240 --> 00:10:59.020 align:middle line:84% in a box, pushing buttons, being lifted. 00:10:59.020 --> 00:11:00.980 align:middle line:90% Sleep was so different. 00:11:00.980 --> 00:11:02.830 align:middle line:84% There was no need for a mattress-- something 00:11:02.830 --> 00:11:04.810 align:middle line:84% to cushion from the pressing down, 00:11:04.810 --> 00:11:08.740 align:middle line:84% no hard surface to ever be trapped against again. 00:11:08.740 --> 00:11:09.700 align:middle line:90% We drifted. 00:11:09.700 --> 00:11:12.070 align:middle line:84% And to stay warm and feel coddled, 00:11:12.070 --> 00:11:14.290 align:middle line:84% we began by carrying our blankets with us, 00:11:14.290 --> 00:11:16.600 align:middle line:84% wrapped and tangled around limbs. 00:11:16.600 --> 00:11:18.490 align:middle line:84% But in the night, they would slip away, 00:11:18.490 --> 00:11:22.630 align:middle line:84% end up across the room blown in their own limp trajectory. 00:11:22.630 --> 00:11:24.610 align:middle line:84% Some people laced themselves to their beds 00:11:24.610 --> 00:11:26.080 align:middle line:84% so that they stayed there all night 00:11:26.080 --> 00:11:28.330 align:middle line:84% as it floated, with purchased lashes 00:11:28.330 --> 00:11:31.390 align:middle line:84% or whatever rope or silk they had lying around the house. 00:11:31.390 --> 00:11:34.300 align:middle line:84% I presumed with all these straps more and more people were going 00:11:34.300 --> 00:11:38.260 align:middle line:84% S&M, loving being tied up, re-enacting a former form 00:11:38.260 --> 00:11:39.820 align:middle line:90% of being ensnared-- 00:11:39.820 --> 00:11:41.590 align:middle line:90% for comfort maybe. 00:11:41.590 --> 00:11:45.430 align:middle line:84% One bound, one free, the pinioned one relieved. 00:11:45.430 --> 00:11:48.250 align:middle line:84% Your fate is not up to you to decide. 00:11:48.250 --> 00:11:50.590 align:middle line:84% Like the laws of physics once, there 00:11:50.590 --> 00:11:53.290 align:middle line:84% used to be certain things determined as true. 00:11:53.290 --> 00:11:55.330 align:middle line:90% You jump, you fall. 00:11:55.330 --> 00:11:57.310 align:middle line:90% Now, no. 00:11:57.310 --> 00:12:00.370 align:middle line:84% Once for old time's sake, we locked ourselves in a closet 00:12:00.370 --> 00:12:02.560 align:middle line:90% to fuck without flying around. 00:12:02.560 --> 00:12:04.120 align:middle line:84% I pressed my hands on the ceiling 00:12:04.120 --> 00:12:05.800 align:middle line:90% and pressed him against a wall. 00:12:05.800 --> 00:12:07.790 align:middle line:84% He gripped me and the wall next to us. 00:12:07.790 --> 00:12:10.600 align:middle line:84% And we remembered what it felt like to have leverage. 00:12:10.600 --> 00:12:12.790 align:middle line:84% For a moment I missed the friction 00:12:12.790 --> 00:12:15.310 align:middle line:90% I used to fight against. 00:12:15.310 --> 00:12:17.980 align:middle line:84% It seemed that the Earth was still orbiting like before. 00:12:17.980 --> 00:12:21.790 align:middle line:84% There was still night and day, seasons, we still had our moon, 00:12:21.790 --> 00:12:24.040 align:middle line:84% still dawn and dusk, twilight and noon 00:12:24.040 --> 00:12:25.960 align:middle line:90% still came at the same hours. 00:12:25.960 --> 00:12:28.750 align:middle line:84% Though gravity used to hold the air around the Earth, 00:12:28.750 --> 00:12:30.700 align:middle line:84% through an atmosphere down around the globe 00:12:30.700 --> 00:12:33.760 align:middle line:84% like a down comforter-- feathers to sustain us, 00:12:33.760 --> 00:12:35.980 align:middle line:90% keep us warm, alive. 00:12:35.980 --> 00:12:39.130 align:middle line:84% But it was floating away, no longer held here. 00:12:39.130 --> 00:12:42.640 align:middle line:84% We wondered when it would become harder to catch our breath. 00:12:42.640 --> 00:12:45.370 align:middle line:84% People dreaded sunburn and asphyxiation. 00:12:45.370 --> 00:12:50.440 align:middle line:84% Plans were being made for SPS 212 and portable oxygen tanks. 00:12:50.440 --> 00:12:52.150 align:middle line:84% We didn't want the weight of a tank 00:12:52.150 --> 00:12:54.520 align:middle line:84% to make us feel bound all over again. 00:12:54.520 --> 00:12:57.070 align:middle line:84% The tank would float like we did, of course, 00:12:57.070 --> 00:12:59.450 align:middle line:90% but carry the memory of weight. 00:12:59.450 --> 00:13:02.290 align:middle line:84% I said we could think of it like we were underwater explorers, 00:13:02.290 --> 00:13:04.150 align:middle line:90% swimming in our new world. 00:13:04.150 --> 00:13:07.030 align:middle line:84% He said, he'd rather be flying through the air. 00:13:07.030 --> 00:13:12.490 align:middle line:84% He said, this is all starting to feel like real life. 00:13:12.490 --> 00:13:14.590 align:middle line:84% He and I, we didn't feel guilty, knew 00:13:14.590 --> 00:13:16.810 align:middle line:84% the planet agreed to what we had done-- 00:13:16.810 --> 00:13:19.190 align:middle line:84% the loosening of bonds, lifting of laws, 00:13:19.190 --> 00:13:21.790 align:middle line:84% the planet reconfigured itself around us. 00:13:21.790 --> 00:13:25.360 align:middle line:84% And without the planet's grip, it was him I was laced to. 00:13:25.360 --> 00:13:27.640 align:middle line:84% Threads of what we had done wove us together, 00:13:27.640 --> 00:13:29.480 align:middle line:90% stitching my skin to his. 00:13:29.480 --> 00:13:30.980 align:middle line:90% The string could stretch-- 00:13:30.980 --> 00:13:33.490 align:middle line:84% however far removed apart, we were still tied, 00:13:33.490 --> 00:13:37.030 align:middle line:84% filaments through our flesh, taut, always lenient, 00:13:37.030 --> 00:13:41.920 align:middle line:84% our bond a bind as we bounded around this new world. 00:13:41.920 --> 00:13:43.690 align:middle line:84% At work, we'd meet in his office, 00:13:43.690 --> 00:13:46.720 align:middle line:84% spy on the people in the buildings across the way. 00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:49.000 align:middle line:84% Sometimes it was bosses and secretaries. 00:13:49.000 --> 00:13:51.220 align:middle line:90% Sometimes custodians and CEOs. 00:13:51.220 --> 00:13:53.530 align:middle line:84% Sometimes it was higher ups in their corner offices 00:13:53.530 --> 00:13:56.110 align:middle line:84% with their wives then mistresses. 00:13:56.110 --> 00:13:58.180 align:middle line:84% We were the ones who broke the chain. 00:13:58.180 --> 00:14:00.460 align:middle line:84% We were the first to fall in love upward. 00:14:00.460 --> 00:14:03.070 align:middle line:84% But of course, other lovers got to benefit. 00:14:03.070 --> 00:14:04.930 align:middle line:84% We watched them in all their positions, 00:14:04.930 --> 00:14:06.190 align:middle line:90% all their inventions. 00:14:06.190 --> 00:14:08.980 align:middle line:84% We marveled at their acrobatics and their passions-- 00:14:08.980 --> 00:14:12.810 align:middle line:84% the lovemaking of those who don't have much time. 00:14:12.810 --> 00:14:15.510 align:middle line:84% And then I'd want him so badly it would be a bodily force. 00:14:15.510 --> 00:14:18.810 align:middle line:84% And time after time, I'd make him duplicate our beginning, 00:14:18.810 --> 00:14:22.350 align:middle line:84% pretend it just happened, pretend we just made it happen, 00:14:22.350 --> 00:14:23.340 align:middle line:90% I'd beg. 00:14:23.340 --> 00:14:26.190 align:middle line:84% And he'd tip me backward, wheel me upward to the ceiling, 00:14:26.190 --> 00:14:28.260 align:middle line:84% kiss me with the zeal of the first day. 00:14:28.260 --> 00:14:29.970 align:middle line:90% But it was always play acting-- 00:14:29.970 --> 00:14:31.320 align:middle line:90% a memory enacted. 00:14:31.320 --> 00:14:33.120 align:middle line:84% He never kissed me with that passion 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:35.790 align:middle line:90% when we weren't performing. 00:14:35.790 --> 00:14:39.720 align:middle line:84% No longer any separation between all of us in space, nothing 00:14:39.720 --> 00:14:42.570 align:middle line:84% dividing our orb from the universe any longer, 00:14:42.570 --> 00:14:44.700 align:middle line:90% I could swim to the moon. 00:14:44.700 --> 00:14:46.140 align:middle line:90% The air around me was sky. 00:14:46.140 --> 00:14:47.280 align:middle line:90% The sky was space. 00:14:47.280 --> 00:14:49.590 align:middle line:90% And my well moved me through it. 00:14:49.590 --> 00:14:54.140 align:middle line:84% I told myself I could go anywhere I wanted. 00:14:54.140 --> 00:14:56.510 align:middle line:84% When my mother died, no surprise, but something 00:14:56.510 --> 00:14:59.450 align:middle line:84% that still felt sudden, I had her cremated. 00:14:59.450 --> 00:15:01.310 align:middle line:90% Burials were problematic. 00:15:01.310 --> 00:15:04.580 align:middle line:84% Grave diggers had to toss the Earth into a bolted down lidded 00:15:04.580 --> 00:15:07.040 align:middle line:84% box, then bury the coffin by covering 00:15:07.040 --> 00:15:09.770 align:middle line:84% a shovel full with a sheet to keep it there, then 00:15:09.770 --> 00:15:12.080 align:middle line:84% plant grass on top and nail it down 00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:15.240 align:middle line:84% until roots knitted the soil back together. 00:15:15.240 --> 00:15:17.570 align:middle line:84% My lover didn't know how to comfort me in grief. 00:15:17.570 --> 00:15:19.550 align:middle line:84% So I alone took off the lid of the urn 00:15:19.550 --> 00:15:23.690 align:middle line:84% in the forest, shook it, loosened the cinders upward-- 00:15:23.690 --> 00:15:26.870 align:middle line:84% what had been burnt in an electric kiln in these days 00:15:26.870 --> 00:15:28.160 align:middle line:90% after fire. 00:15:28.160 --> 00:15:32.690 align:middle line:84% Ashes to ashes, ashes to air, dust to sky. 00:15:32.690 --> 00:15:34.760 align:middle line:84% Some collected in a cloud around me. 00:15:34.760 --> 00:15:37.220 align:middle line:84% I intuitively held my breath until I remembered 00:15:37.220 --> 00:15:38.810 align:middle line:90% I breathed packaged air-- 00:15:38.810 --> 00:15:40.820 align:middle line:90% no danger of inhaling ash. 00:15:40.820 --> 00:15:43.670 align:middle line:90% But some seemed to rise. 00:15:43.670 --> 00:15:46.190 align:middle line:84% When I got home, I wanted the comfort a body can give. 00:15:46.190 --> 00:15:49.430 align:middle line:84% So I went to him, not talking, took off his clothes, 00:15:49.430 --> 00:15:52.010 align:middle line:84% wrapped my legs around his waist to keep us locked, 00:15:52.010 --> 00:15:55.250 align:middle line:84% and the floating around the room didn't make me feel jubilant. 00:15:55.250 --> 00:15:57.890 align:middle line:90% I felt uncentered, homeless. 00:15:57.890 --> 00:16:00.590 align:middle line:84% My internal gyroscope was tired of keeping up. 00:16:00.590 --> 00:16:03.560 align:middle line:84% And it wasn't the dizziness of passion or desire, 00:16:03.560 --> 00:16:05.540 align:middle line:90% but of fatigue. 00:16:05.540 --> 00:16:07.580 align:middle line:84% I clung to him to remember where I was. 00:16:07.580 --> 00:16:10.400 align:middle line:84% I felt like I was sinking and only he could keep me afloat. 00:16:10.400 --> 00:16:13.100 align:middle line:84% I looked at him to try to remember why we were both here 00:16:13.100 --> 00:16:14.660 align:middle line:90% in this weightless world. 00:16:14.660 --> 00:16:17.690 align:middle line:84% And he was looking right through me, as if I weren't there, 00:16:17.690 --> 00:16:20.470 align:middle line:90% as if I were air. 00:16:20.470 --> 00:16:23.650 align:middle line:84% As a child, I'd been comforted that the air wasn't empty, 00:16:23.650 --> 00:16:26.200 align:middle line:84% that there were invisible particles between me 00:16:26.200 --> 00:16:30.160 align:middle line:84% and every object, touching me, containing me, but leaving 00:16:30.160 --> 00:16:33.460 align:middle line:84% me free to move, encircling and cradling me, 00:16:33.460 --> 00:16:35.320 align:middle line:84% carrying messages from my surface 00:16:35.320 --> 00:16:38.200 align:middle line:84% to the surfaces of everyone else. 00:16:38.200 --> 00:16:41.740 align:middle line:84% I felt less alone when I thought the air encased me, entered 00:16:41.740 --> 00:16:44.170 align:middle line:84% me, came into my lungs, and then back into what 00:16:44.170 --> 00:16:46.060 align:middle line:90% everyone else breathed. 00:16:46.060 --> 00:16:49.180 align:middle line:84% But then, there were no particles, no invisible atoms. 00:16:49.180 --> 00:16:50.740 align:middle line:90% There was nothing there. 00:16:50.740 --> 00:16:54.820 align:middle line:84% And it was impossible to feel free, or held, or comforted, 00:16:54.820 --> 00:16:58.840 align:middle line:84% when making love to someone in a gas mask. 00:16:58.840 --> 00:17:01.900 align:middle line:84% I thought he would stay unbound with me-- bound to only me. 00:17:01.900 --> 00:17:04.460 align:middle line:84% Our immortality would bring immortality. 00:17:04.460 --> 00:17:06.609 align:middle line:84% We would always feel as giddy and unfettered 00:17:06.609 --> 00:17:08.770 align:middle line:90% as when we made the snap happen. 00:17:08.770 --> 00:17:10.869 align:middle line:84% But it couldn't remain free-falling always, 00:17:10.869 --> 00:17:13.540 align:middle line:84% freedom, the same elation from the beginning. 00:17:13.540 --> 00:17:16.210 align:middle line:84% He and I weren't enticed to pinwheel through rooms, 00:17:16.210 --> 00:17:18.099 align:middle line:84% didn't throw things we had thrown just 00:17:18.099 --> 00:17:20.950 align:middle line:84% to see them fly newly across space. 00:17:20.950 --> 00:17:23.109 align:middle line:84% I thought we would love the sensation always. 00:17:23.109 --> 00:17:26.829 align:middle line:84% No longer beholden, we were emboldened, assented to ascent, 00:17:26.829 --> 00:17:29.620 align:middle line:90% gave in to the vertiginous spin. 00:17:29.620 --> 00:17:32.230 align:middle line:84% People used to think the stone fell to Earth 00:17:32.230 --> 00:17:33.880 align:middle line:90% because it was made of Earth. 00:17:33.880 --> 00:17:37.060 align:middle line:84% We fell to sky because we were sky. 00:17:37.060 --> 00:17:39.760 align:middle line:84% The gravity, which bent starlight, 00:17:39.760 --> 00:17:43.300 align:middle line:84% made them appear to be in places they weren't, no longer bent us 00:17:43.300 --> 00:17:45.130 align:middle line:90% to its will. 00:17:45.130 --> 00:17:48.880 align:middle line:84% But even that broken taboo became tedious. 00:17:48.880 --> 00:17:51.400 align:middle line:84% We waited for other conventions to crack, 00:17:51.400 --> 00:17:54.970 align:middle line:84% for a breaking of another prohibition to splinter a law. 00:17:54.970 --> 00:17:58.360 align:middle line:84% We wondered if it was still only our responsibility, 00:17:58.360 --> 00:18:01.900 align:middle line:84% if we were still the ones who had to do it. 00:18:01.900 --> 00:18:04.900 align:middle line:84% I imagined electricity and magnetism breaking apart, 00:18:04.900 --> 00:18:06.640 align:middle line:90% becoming two phenomena. 00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:08.680 align:middle line:90% Light would no longer exist. 00:18:08.680 --> 00:18:12.130 align:middle line:84% No X-rays, no ultraviolet, no cancerous radiation, 00:18:12.130 --> 00:18:13.900 align:middle line:90% but no light to see by-- 00:18:13.900 --> 00:18:18.250 align:middle line:84% the bulbs all failing, the sun no longer sending forth rays. 00:18:18.250 --> 00:18:21.940 align:middle line:84% I imagined entropy reversing so that broken glass 00:18:21.940 --> 00:18:25.690 align:middle line:84% mended, tangled sheets made themselves into a tidy bed, 00:18:25.690 --> 00:18:28.540 align:middle line:90% mussed hair styled itself. 00:18:28.540 --> 00:18:30.940 align:middle line:84% Clothes would fly onto my body, and the furniture 00:18:30.940 --> 00:18:33.280 align:middle line:84% coasting around our rooms would right itself, 00:18:33.280 --> 00:18:36.070 align:middle line:84% find a sustainable pattern that didn't require a gravity 00:18:36.070 --> 00:18:37.570 align:middle line:90% to hold it. 00:18:37.570 --> 00:18:39.430 align:middle line:84% Given a day, the dishes would be done, 00:18:39.430 --> 00:18:41.590 align:middle line:84% the floor swept, the books tallied, 00:18:41.590 --> 00:18:43.450 align:middle line:84% the cracks on the sidewalk vanished, 00:18:43.450 --> 00:18:45.850 align:middle line:90% all surfaces varnished. 00:18:45.850 --> 00:18:48.040 align:middle line:84% The law of thermodynamics would no longer 00:18:48.040 --> 00:18:50.560 align:middle line:84% apply, heat not moving by contact, 00:18:50.560 --> 00:18:54.220 align:middle line:84% warmth not draining predictably from the hotter body 00:18:54.220 --> 00:18:55.480 align:middle line:90% to the cooler. 00:18:55.480 --> 00:18:58.780 align:middle line:84% We would flush for no reason, freeze without cause. 00:18:58.780 --> 00:19:01.810 align:middle line:84% Two touching bodies could be flaming and chilled, 00:19:01.810 --> 00:19:04.960 align:middle line:84% not affecting the other at all, not bringing 00:19:04.960 --> 00:19:07.440 align:middle line:90% the other into balance. 00:19:07.440 --> 00:19:10.740 align:middle line:84% If e doesn't equal mc squared, then energy 00:19:10.740 --> 00:19:13.710 align:middle line:84% could create itself without destroying matter. 00:19:13.710 --> 00:19:17.550 align:middle line:84% Sparks could fly from my fingertips, light from my eyes, 00:19:17.550 --> 00:19:21.780 align:middle line:84% without singing flesh, and without sacrifice. 00:19:21.780 --> 00:19:22.720 align:middle line:90% And I'll stop there. 00:19:22.720 --> 00:19:23.220 align:middle line:90% Thank you. 00:19:23.220 --> 00:19:25.070 align:middle line:90% [APPLAUSE] 00:19:25.070 --> 00:19:27.000 align:middle line:90%