WEBVTT

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So I'll read just one
more little passage

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from the book, which
is near the end.

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And it's how I got
the name for the book.

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My father died of
cancer in 1969,

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and fortunately I had
a sabbatical that year,

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and I was able to go
and take care of him.

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There was nobody else to do it.

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And I took care of
him for three months,

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and he dreaded the hospital.

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He had been gone
to the hospital,

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had surgery, and found out
he had cancer and came home,

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didn't want to have anything
to do with the hospital.

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He was a wonderful
patient and we got really,

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really well acquainted
for the first time

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during those three months.

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And then his kidneys
failed and the doctor

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said he had to have a thing
put him, a catheter, thank you.

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And then he had to
have a catheter put in.

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We had to take him into
the hospital and just

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for one night, and we could
bring him home the next day.

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We promised him.

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Well, we took him
in, and by the time

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he weighed about 75 pounds.

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And he had to go
to the bathroom,

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I picked him up in my
arms and was carrying him

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to the bathroom.

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As we went by this young
attractive nurse who

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was bent over fixing his bed,
he pinched her on the fanny.

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And within-- he was
dead within 12 hours.

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He was still pinching
women on the fanny.

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Anyway, so I stayed with him,
then he died in the night.

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And this is the
after-- that afternoon.

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After everyone goes I sit beside
him through a golden afternoon.

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A little wind has
come up and the trees

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are dropping their
leaves as if they

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are frantic to
embrace winter naked.

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It's the last day of October.

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Outside the tall Gothic
windows of the old hospital

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there is a rain of falling
golden maple leaves.

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I went to write a
few lines of a poem,

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but have nothing to write on.

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I take one of the
small paper napkins

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with a border of flowers from
his bedside table and begin.

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My father went in
search of death,

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like a mole, blind
and beautiful.

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His life was an unmade bed.

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Nobody rich or famous
ever slept there.

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Old father, it was harder
than hell to love you,

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and impossible not to.

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The ink bleeds into the
soft tissue of the napkin

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and is hard to read.

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Suddenly I'm aware
of something else.

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Some movement.

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Quickly, I look at Red.

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His eyes are open,
that startling blue,

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and his right hand is moving
slowly, slowly upward.

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The hand is gesturing,
yes, Red, I'm here.

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The hand is gesturing toward
the window and the rain

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of the golden leaves.

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"Beautiful," he says softly.

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Then his hand lowered,
his eyes closed,

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and his breathing
becomes more labored.

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I talked to him but
there is no response.

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Then I looked down at the paper
napkin on which I had just

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written "blind and beautiful"
a few minutes before

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he said the word.

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I can't recall him ever
using that word before,

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nor could he have seen
what I had written.

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I had my blessing.

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Thank you.

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[APPLAUSE]

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